Jenny Scordamaglia Discussion about parents and religion Miami TV
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00:00Welcome everyone, we are live again at 8.07pm, Wednesday, December 9th, 2020.
00:12I hope you are having a beautiful night.
00:15It's crazy, there is very little time left, practically less than a month to finish this year,
00:22this year that was so long for many, so short for others.
00:27There are people that the year was not as bad as they thought,
00:31and others that only know the negative of this year, looking at the pandemic.
00:36Obviously it was a very difficult year, but let's start to make that transition to a new year,
00:42but without thinking that the limit of the years means a big change,
00:48because the change is really made by you.
00:50So it's your decision to think that if all this is prolonged much more,
00:57or not, because now they came out with the vaccine,
01:01at least take, I hope you haven't wasted time, because time is something you won't be able to have again,
01:06so being at home, instead of deciding to be lying there watching TV,
01:11while all this mess happens,
01:13at least take it to reflect, to meditate, to meet, to start a hobby, to train.
01:21At the end of the day, I think there is something that is really valuable in everyone's life,
01:28and the most valuable, I could say, is time, because it doesn't recover.
01:32So instead of complaining so much and saying, wow, what a shitty year,
01:37well, no, this year left me with many good attitudes,
01:43maybe to start exercising, or I started meditating,
01:48well, I'm not going to say I met someone, I don't think I met anyone,
01:53if you are in quarantine, and I know that many of you are in quarantine again,
01:57because Europe is in quarantine, so, well, do your best with your time,
02:01because remember that you won't have it again, and time is gold, ok?
02:07And start now, why not, to think about your reflections of this year,
02:13and goals for next year.
02:15Not travel goals and all that, but more than anything personal goals,
02:19yourself, to improve as a person, etc.
02:23Ok? Let's start with today's topic.
02:25Alright.
02:26Hey Jenny, we are each of us shaped and defined by the culture we grew up in.
02:30True.
02:31As infants and children, we are blank slates for our elders, parents, teachers, clergy,
02:38to write their moral and ethical codes on.
02:41That's so true, I've never thought about it like that.
02:44Their virtues and their prejudices,
02:47we fit in by mirroring the behavior of family and friends,
02:50and those whom we admire, and whose company we'd love to keep.
02:53True.
02:54Some find a lifelong comfort in conforming,
02:57remaining protective of the status quo, and suspicious,
03:00even fearful of things new and different that may call any of it into question.
03:06Yeah, there's people that live to just make their,
03:09you know, the people that surround them happy,
03:11and they never really take the chance to see what makes them happy.
03:14It's a choice, you know, nothing that we can point fingers at or judge,
03:19obviously it's a choice.
03:21But it's important to know that it's a choice,
03:23because a lot of people feel like they don't have another choice on that,
03:26and if they don't follow the rules,
03:28if they don't follow the family morale, or the family business,
03:32or whatever it is that you've been taught,
03:34it's like they're going against their family,
03:36and it's not like that whatsoever.
03:40On the contrary, but we'll talk about that a little bit more into the topic.
03:48Is it healthy, Jenny, both for society and the individual,
03:52for us to adhere to a comfortable tradition,
03:55or is it better that we question?
03:57Even those things that we hold the most sacred,
04:00you know, things that have maybe been in your family
04:02for like centuries and centuries,
04:04I think questioning is very good.
04:06So I think if you don't question things,
04:08you don't have a personality, honestly.
04:10And if you don't question something,
04:12it's because you're absolutely totally sure
04:14of what it is that is being taught to you,
04:16and you're convinced of it, so that's different.
04:18In that case, don't allow anybody to make you question your beliefs,
04:21or what it is that you're following.
04:23But if that's not the case,
04:25and you're unhappy in your life,
04:27and you're not wondering,
04:29and you're not realizing that maybe what's making you unhappy
04:32is that you're following all these rules,
04:34or you're following all these traditions
04:36that really don't go with you,
04:38and your inner self and your soul
04:40is just urging you to go out there,
04:43experience the world in a different way,
04:45and live your life the way that you want to live it.
04:49Jenny, both society...
04:51Is it healthy, Jenny, both for society and the individual,
04:53for us to adhere to comfortable tradition,
04:55or is it better that we question
04:57even those things that we hold most sacred?
04:59Is it best to work within conventional boundaries,
05:02or often risk in the disapproval of those we grew up loving?
05:07To work to expand them,
05:09even if necessary to shatter them?
05:12What do you mean, shatter them?
05:14Muy bien.
05:15I'm going to go a little bit in Spanish.
05:17Hola, Jenny.
05:18Cada uno de nosotros está moldeado
05:20de una forma diferente a través de la cultura
05:22en la cual nacemos.
05:24Siendo infantes, los niños somos un papel en blanco completamente
05:29para nuestros padres, para nuestros maestros,
05:32abuelos, superiores,
05:34para que escriban su moral y su Ă©tica,
05:38sus cĂłdigos de Ă©tica en nosotros.
05:41Es verdad, es como que somos un libro abierto,
05:43un libro en blanco,
05:45y viene uno y dice, bueno, yo te voy a enseñar tal cosa.
05:47Entonces tienes una página de matemática,
05:49una página de historia, una página de geografĂa,
05:51una página de morales, una página de qué hacer,
05:53de qué es bueno, qué no es bueno.
05:55Es interesante mirarlo asĂ.
05:57Las virtudes y los prejuicios, dice.
06:01Nosotros encajamos en realidad siendo espejos
06:05de los comportamientos de la familia y los amigos
06:08a los cuales admiramos y queremos, por supuesto,
06:11mantener esa compañĂa.
06:14Hay mucha gente que realmente se crĂa en cierto ambiente
06:19y le encanta, está convencido y feliz en ese ambiente.
06:22En ese caso me parece bien.
06:24Lo importante es que tú estés feliz.
06:26Ahora, ¿qué pasa si tú estás en un ambiente familiar
06:29o estás viviendo un estilo de vida
06:31donde fue más que nada empujado o forzado
06:34desde pequeño hacia tu mente, hacia tu persona?
06:38Y simplemente lo haces porque piensas
06:41que no es lo correcto para hacer
06:43porque estás enchapado a la antigua, como se le dice,
06:46donde los hijos seguĂan el trabajo del papá
06:49y viceversa.
06:51Pero ya no significa que sea ni malo ni bueno,
06:54simplemente son decisiones.
06:56Ahora, si esa decisiĂłn y eso realmente te nace
06:58y es algo que quieres hacer, excelente, hazlo.
07:00Pero, ¿qué pasa si lo estás haciendo solamente
07:02para hacer feliz a los demás?
07:04Si lo estás haciendo solamente para hacer feliz a los demás,
07:07obviamente tarde o temprano te vas a chocar
07:10la pared y ni siquiera te vas a dar cuenta
07:12que una de las razones por la cual
07:14estás generando negatividad
07:16y estás siendo infeliz es por eso.
07:19Porque para ti como persona y tu moral,
07:23estás siguiendo los pasos de tu familia.
07:25Entonces, por eso nunca vas a cuestionarte
07:29que quizás lo que tienes que cambiar es justamente eso.
07:32Entonces, eso pasa muchĂsimo.
07:34La gente, yo creo que, primero que todo,
07:36que mucha gente no sabe ni siquiera lo que es moral.
07:40Y lo digo asĂ irĂłnicamente porque no,
07:44no tiene nada que ver con la vestimenta.
07:46Tiene que ver con tu comportamiento y lo que haces.
07:49Y no es negativo ni en contra de la familia
07:55ni inmoral, por ejemplo, decir que no a un padre
08:00o decirle que no a una madre.
08:02No quiero trabajar en lo que tú me estás diciendo
08:04o seguir el negocio de familia.
08:06Hay gente que vive encerrada en esa idea
08:09de que si no hacen lo que les dicen los superiores,
08:12sus padres, como que se van a ir al infierno
08:15o están siendo malos hijos.
08:18Y es justamente lo que toda esta sociedad
08:21y toda esta incertidumbre de ideas que sean…
08:26SĂ, la sociedad que manda incertidumbre de ideas
08:28hacia las personas que realmente no hay promociĂłn
08:34en que nosotros realmente encontremos nuestra identidad
08:36porque todo está, como dice nuestro querido miembro,
08:39planeado, somos moldeados desde el principio.
08:42Ahora hay padres, ya hoy en dĂa la gente ha cambiado.
08:46O sea, los padres son mucho más modernos,
08:48los padres son mucho más…
08:49Cuando digo padres, a ver, mujeres y hombres,
08:51mamá y papá, ¿no?
08:52Que no me vayan a decir como en Argentina,
08:54no hay que generalizar.
08:57Con el léxico del feminismo.
09:01Pero hoy en dĂa sĂ existe un poquito más de apertura
09:04donde las personas terminan diciendo,
09:07o sea, tĂş haz lo que te hace feliz,
09:09pero ¿qué tal aquellos que siguen enchapados
09:11en esa antigua donde dicen, no, no, no,
09:13tĂş tienes que hacer lo que yo digo
09:15y vas a trabajar de esto y vas a seguir el negocio familiar
09:19y asĂ los tienen y las personas son infelices
09:21y, sin embargo, lo hacen porque,
09:23y porque, bueno, quieras o no,
09:25Ă©l me trajo a la vida, ellos me dieron de comer.
09:27SĂ, tienes razĂłn y tienes mucho, o sea,
09:30que agradecerle a tus padres por haber hecho todo ese trabajo,
09:33pero no significa que sean dueños de tu vida.
09:37O sea, no son…
09:39TĂş no eres de ellos como para que te dejen
09:42en una cajita encerrado y decidan por ti
09:44todas las decisiones habĂas por haber.
09:46O sea, existe un periodo de tiempo
09:48donde tu formaciĂłn ya terminĂł
09:50y tĂş tendrĂas que ser libre para decidir
09:51lo que quieres hacer.
09:52Y si no estás feliz haciendo lo que quieres hacer,
09:54en el tema familiar, en el negocio familiar,
09:58o cosas asĂ, o con las tradiciones
10:00o religiones de tu familia,
10:02no significa que tengas que quedarte
10:05haciendo eso, al contrario.
10:08Cualquier persona, yo siempre les he dicho eso,
10:10cualquier persona, asĂ sea un padre,
10:12que te exige hacer algo que a ti te hace infeliz,
10:15no está viendo lo mejor para ti.
10:18O sea, sin querer, la gente siempre piensa,
10:21nuestros familiares siempre piensan
10:23de que saben lo que es lo mejor para nosotros,
10:26o para sus hijos, o para sus nietos,
10:28o para gente menor, Âżno?
10:30Pero tienes que primero analizar,
10:32como siempre digo,
10:34pon una perspectiva fuera de…
10:37en vez de pensar en padre,
10:39pensar simplemente como persona
10:41y ver en qué es exitosa mi mamá,
10:43en qué es exitoso mi papá.
10:45Y de acuerdo a eso, asà como yo le…
10:47Ese es el consejo nĂşmero uno
10:49que yo siempre les doy,
10:50es nunca tomen un consejo de alguien
10:52sobre un tema en el cual no son exitosos.
10:54Y no digo exitosos a ver que no tengan ningĂşn problema,
10:57pero exitosos.
10:59O sea, todo el mundo tiene problemas,
11:01es normal en el mundo que vivimos,
11:03pero es muy importante.
11:04Y a veces nuestros padres,
11:06si no son exitosos en el amor,
11:08probablemente pues obviamente escĂşchalos,
11:10pero muy delicadamente.
11:13Si no son exitosos en el trabajo,
11:15obviamente escĂşchalos, pero delicadamente,
11:17y ten la perspectiva de que bueno,
11:19quizás tú sà puedes ser exitoso,
11:21pero el seguir un consejo de alguien
11:23que no es exitoso en algo,
11:25solamente te va a llegar a fracaso.
11:27A veces la gente piensa que,
11:29pero aprendes de las experiencias de los demás.
11:31Perfecto, en ese caso sà está bien.
11:33Escuchas, absorbes,
11:35pero no defines basado a esa informaciĂłn.
11:39O sea, es simplemente experiencias de otras personas.
11:43Voy en inglés un poquito.
11:45Ayer creo que me dijeron que fui mucho en español, ¿no?
11:47So I think I went a little bit too much in Spanish the other time.
11:50So I was thinking,
11:52okay, we put this perspective
11:54into religion and jobs.
11:56For example, in Latin America,
11:58not so much now, but when I was younger at least,
12:00there was this whole motto
12:02and the old-fashioned way
12:04that you had to continue with the family business.
12:06So if your dad had a farm,
12:08like my dad, for example, and his farm,
12:10he would always look after that.
12:12My brother would continue it the day of tomorrow.
12:14It wasn't something that was never pushed.
12:17It was always like, what do you want to study?
12:19What do you want to do?
12:21I'll help you do it.
12:23In my parents' case, it was great.
12:25But there's so many cases where,
12:27and I've met a lot of people
12:29because I think in Spanish countries,
12:31it's like families a little bit more
12:33united and also very
12:35close-minded in the sense that
12:37sometimes when you are not following
12:39the family business or when you're not following
12:41the tradition or the religion,
12:43it's taken into a huge offense
12:45to the family.
12:47I think today things have changed a little bit
12:49where people are more open-minded
12:51and parents that are parents
12:53today have acknowledged
12:55and realized that, no, you have to do
12:57what makes you happy and I'll support you kind of thing.
12:59But there's still that percentage
13:01of people that are stuck
13:03in that culture and those ideas
13:05and those pretexts
13:07really that they've been taught
13:09since they were little
13:11and are so afraid of saying no.
13:13And I totally understand
13:15because obviously, I mean, I think everybody
13:17would understand this. If you love someone
13:19and you want to keep them, you want to make them happy.
13:21If you want to make them happy,
13:23you usually,
13:25especially if they're your parents,
13:27you usually will just say yes to whatever it is
13:29they say or recommend, right?
13:31Because they are supposed to know more
13:33than you. But
13:35I always give everybody
13:37this, this is like my number
13:39one, one of my number one let's say
13:41advices and it's you should never
13:43take an advice from someone that's
13:45not successful in the
13:47topic that they're talking about.
13:49You should listen to
13:51them. Absolutely listen to them because you
13:53will learn from their mistakes.
13:55But don't take their
13:57conclusions from it
13:59unless they're realizing their mistakes.
14:01If somebody's, and this goes for
14:03your parents too, by the way, like you need to analyze
14:05okay, so my mom or my dad, when you're older
14:07of course,
14:09if your parents are talking to you about love,
14:11are they in love? Are they successful in love?
14:13Great, then go ahead and take that
14:15in as if it was gold
14:17material because there's not going to
14:19be better advice. Now what about
14:21family members and parents that always think they're
14:23giving you the best advice, which is always in their interest
14:25of course, usually.
14:27But it's not the best
14:29advice for you, right? So in this
14:31case, you just need to be respective and take it in.
14:33But if they're not successful
14:35in that topic, like if somebody's talking
14:37to you about money or businesses
14:39and you're broke and bankrupt,
14:41you're probably not going to want to listen to them.
14:43So what makes it
14:45so different that they're a family member?
14:47Obviously, you respect your
14:49family member, so you'll give them the time of day
14:51to listen to them, but
14:53you don't have to take your conclusion from
14:55that conversation. It's just
14:57okay, information, but then you need to be very
14:59independent when it comes to decisions like this
15:01because they're the ones that make your life, your
15:03culture, your ideas, your beliefs, your
15:05job, your love.
15:07Everything really that's taught to
15:09you from the beginning until
15:11the end,
15:13like I said, always with the best
15:15intentions, but a lot
15:17of times not the best
15:19messages that
15:21you're receiving.
15:23In Latin America, like I was saying,
15:25it's almost like
15:27immoral or
15:29seen very negatively when
15:31somebody says no to their parents,
15:33if you don't want to continue the
15:35family business or
15:37you don't want to continue the culture
15:39or you don't, not the culture, sorry,
15:41the religion. Some religions are
15:43very, very closed, so
15:45they take it very offensively
15:47if you say no.
15:49I'm sure we've had a lot
15:51of people from
15:53Egypt and we've also had
15:55Middle East, a lot of Muslims that have
15:57written to us, women, believe it or not.
15:59It's been a while, but I remember
16:01when we started and for them
16:03the stories here and how
16:05they didn't want to continue
16:07or they wanted to continue the religion
16:09but they live, for example, in
16:11New York. I remember one girl in particular,
16:13she's like, I like my religion
16:15but I wanted to dress a little more free
16:17and I'm so happy my dad sees your show
16:19because now he understands that everybody
16:21has to be individual and now I can dress
16:23how I want.
16:25It's just, I think
16:27when somebody loves you and they want
16:29the best for you, sometimes you
16:31got to go out of the box a little bit
16:33to show them that you're okay
16:35taking your own decisions
16:37and I think that if
16:39they're positive and
16:41they see that you're happy, they're going
16:43to respect that, but if you never take
16:45that chance and you're always afraid of
16:47oh no, I don't want to hurt their feelings
16:49kind of thing, you have to understand, just like
16:51we said at the beginning, time is precious.
16:53You're not going to get that time back.
16:55You're just going to grow old into
16:57an idea, a religion, or a lifestyle
16:59that it's not okay with you
17:01that you're not fulfilled by it
17:03and you're really just throwing away
17:05your time. So just because you're
17:07born
17:09from your parents
17:11doesn't mean that they own you.
17:13It's very
17:15important, you need to respect them as your elders
17:17you need to learn from them, etc.
17:19But if you really
17:21are unhappy following that family
17:23business or that religion or that
17:25lifestyle or everything
17:27that we were just talking about, if you really
17:29are unhappy with it, then you really need to
17:31fact check that, okay
17:33where is your life going and
17:35what happens when they pass away? What if they
17:37pass away and then what are you going to do?
17:39Oh, now you're going to start doing
17:41what you've always wanted to do?
17:43But now maybe you're like 50 years
17:45old.
17:47I don't see it as something
17:49negative, people that live to
17:51make their parents happy, I think it's
17:53adorable, but I think that
17:55you're not living the best version of
17:57yourself, you need to let go
17:59of
18:01it's almost like saying when you go to school
18:03let's say you have a teacher
18:05it's almost the same
18:07thing. You go to school, you have a teacher
18:09you learn and you say, okay, thank
18:11you for everything you taught me, here's
18:13the book and then you put it in the shelf
18:15or you throw it away.
18:17So it's almost the same when you get to that age
18:19let's say 18, 20 years old
18:21you say thank you for everything you taught me
18:23you close the book, you put it on the shelf
18:25or you throw it away. You're not
18:27ever going to throw it away obviously because it's everything
18:29that you've been taught since you were younger by the people
18:31that you love, but you're probably going to
18:33tear apart some pages
18:35or rewrite them, don't you think?
18:37At least that's what you should do, unless
18:39everything that was taught to you
18:41is exactly how you want to live
18:43and if you're in that family that you want
18:45to be the exact copy from your parents
18:47because they have an amazing life
18:49bravo, not a lot of people can say that, not a lot
18:51of families have the privilege of having
18:53that much positivity in their lives, so if you
18:55can continue that generation through generation
18:57amazing, I applaud you
18:59and there's families like that of course
19:01successful, happy
19:03in every level
19:05but for the majority of
19:07the world that isn't necessarily
19:09the thing
19:11it's more of like I'm afraid
19:13of letting go, I'm afraid of what they're going to say
19:15I'm afraid of the world
19:17it's just
19:19fear, it's fear of
19:21really, really just becoming
19:23the best version of yourself
19:25and sometimes the best version of yourself
19:27doesn't necessarily
19:29include a lot
19:31of things that your parents teach
19:33you because maybe you
19:35discover that for you
19:37they were
19:39wrong in some things or they were
19:41just misinformed
19:43so everybody's so
19:45unique and everybody's just
19:47it's so unique
19:49that I don't
19:51think there's really ever like a
19:53way of
19:55teaching you the ways
19:57of the world without being
19:59wrong about something because you're
20:01going to think, you're not going to have the same
20:03mentality and the same thoughts like your parents
20:05your experiences are going to be different
20:07the people that surround you are going to be different
20:09and that has a lot to do and that influences
20:11a lot of your decisions, so today
20:13for example, people have
20:15a huge influence with just social media
20:17so I think this doesn't
20:19really happen as much today but it still does
20:21in let's say
20:23underdeveloped countries maybe a little more
20:25where there's the culture is
20:27not as strong or maybe
20:29very strong but in a religious way
20:31that they
20:33close people up, that's what I was trying to say
20:35so if you are in
20:37that kind of situation, I think a lot of
20:39people have seen themselves in that kind of
20:41situation, most of them just leave
20:43leave the country or move or go to study
20:45abroad
20:47but once you start deciding
20:49your identity and once you start seeing
20:51who it is that you want to
20:53who it is that you're hanging out with
20:55who it is that you are attracted
20:57to etc
20:59and what hobbies and what
21:01jobs you're interested in for example
21:03they might, if you don't
21:05leave that little square of the town
21:07or that square mentality
21:09of your family for that
21:11bit at least that you're going to school and stuff
21:13I think today it's very difficult
21:15for kids to even be taught by parents
21:17because social media
21:19is really just a lot
21:21more influenceable than
21:23I don't even know if that's a word but
21:25it's a lot stronger
21:27of an influence than they're actually
21:29parents speaking because where are people
21:31spending most of their time?
21:33Here. So
21:35it's tough times
21:37that adults have today to
21:39raise teenagers
21:41and
21:43I take my hat off to anybody that's a parent
21:45today. Honestly.