• yesterday
Comedy and Full Romance

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Transcript
00:00:00What do you want, Javi?
00:00:04Stop the music!
00:00:06Oh, it's Chris!
00:00:08Oh no, Dick! It looks like it's his knee! This could be serious!
00:00:11Oh, this hurts just to look at!
00:00:14I've been having nightmares like that since my accident.
00:00:32But I'm no Debbie Downer. I got right back to work.
00:00:357,008! 7,009!
00:00:37Easy, Chris. Don't put too much pressure on it.
00:00:39Can we be positive? Will Smith, in the pursuit of happiness, was positive.
00:00:42He got the job at the end. I am going to the NBA.
00:00:45I got 50 more.
00:00:48And yes, I had a mohawk. I'm not proud of it.
00:00:52And speaking of the pursuit of happiness, no matter what happens, I have Kim by my side.
00:00:58This is a painting I did of us in my cartooning class.
00:01:01I think next I want to learn animation.
00:01:03Oh, and oil paints.
00:01:05Kim says I should write out my name, but I kind of like it when it's just the C and the L.
00:01:10To be honest, I kind of love art even more than basketball.
00:01:16But as Kim always says, you can't make money with art.
00:01:25Happy anniversary!
00:01:34If you looked up bozo in the dictionary, you might see this image.
00:01:37God, I hate that mohawk.
00:01:39What's with the suitcase?
00:01:42Don't be so emotional, Chris.
00:01:44Was I being emotional? I don't think I was being emotional.
00:01:47I think there was normal emotion.
00:01:49We don't have time for this.
00:01:51Daddy's waiting. Everything's in the note.
00:01:53What? Whoa, slow down.
00:01:55Kim, Kimmy, where are you going?
00:02:00And this is when Kim told me how she really felt.
00:02:02You're an art major.
00:02:04I know.
00:02:08I thought you loved my paintings.
00:02:12Kim, not you too.
00:02:14Kim, you can't listen to what coaches and doctors and physical therapists and everyone else at this school says.
00:02:19I'm getting drafted.
00:02:21You're delusional.
00:02:23Wake up.
00:02:25Kim, Kim!
00:02:30Kim!
00:02:33Kim!
00:02:35Man, that mohawk looks stupid.
00:02:37People will tell you to follow your dreams until you fall short.
00:02:42Then, they'll call you delusional.
00:02:46But sometimes when you hit rock bottom, certain people come into your life that you would least expect and change it forever.
00:03:17The year was 2012.
00:03:19The year in which I was supposed to be competing for NBA Rookie of the Year.
00:03:23But instead, I was working at a small, sweaty gym, making minimum wage.
00:03:30And for the record, I did graduate.
00:03:32And that's when it hit me.
00:03:34What the hell am I going to do for a living?
00:03:36I'm going to quit.
00:03:38I'm going to quit.
00:03:40I'm going to quit.
00:03:42I'm going to quit.
00:03:44What the hell am I going to do for a living?
00:03:46I was offered a lot of jobs in the sports world, but to be honest, I just haven't wanted to face it.
00:03:53Sweatheart, a gym you shouldn't work out at.
00:03:56Sweatheart, a gym where no one sweats hard.
00:03:59Located deep in the valley, away from the glitz and glamour of Hollywood.
00:04:05People keep telling me I need therapy.
00:04:07Especially my co-worker, Missy.
00:04:09Missy tells me I need therapy every day.
00:04:14Todd, the gym owner's son, the manager of this place, was in pottery class with me.
00:04:20Guy couldn't make a vase to save his life, but he offered me a job here.
00:04:28In addition to working in this gym, my full-time job is trying to not be bitter.
00:04:45Don't be so emotional, Chris.
00:04:47Emotional, Chris.
00:04:49You're an art major.
00:04:51Art major.
00:04:53You're delusional. Wake up.
00:04:55You're delusional. Wake up.
00:05:15Excuse me.
00:05:18There are so many membership packages.
00:05:20I'm, like, totally not sure what I want.
00:05:24Oh my god. You look so familiar.
00:05:28Do we know each other?
00:05:30Oh my god!
00:05:32No way!
00:05:34You played for LA Tech, didn't you?
00:05:37OMG!
00:05:39You're that basketball guy, right?
00:05:41Can I help you, ladies?
00:05:44Um, you work here now?
00:05:51I, like, totally do.
00:05:53Oh my god, right?
00:05:55Isn't that, like, totally, like, crazy?
00:05:59Are you mocking us?
00:06:02Yeah.
00:06:04Do you want a membership, or what?
00:06:07Thank you. Come again.
00:06:09Excuse me. Young ladies. Excuse me. Hi, I'm Missy.
00:06:13Wait, but Jesus, Chris.
00:06:16She really, really gave it to him, huh?
00:06:20Bitches, right?
00:06:21Are you gonna let him speak to our customers like that?
00:06:24What? They didn't buy anything.
00:06:26Did they buy? They didn't buy anything, did they?
00:06:29Okay.
00:06:35Okay, so I might not have the best customer service,
00:06:38but can you blame me?
00:06:40This scantily dressed human is another co-worker of mine.
00:06:44What's up, dick spit?
00:06:46Bobby.
00:06:47See the numbers on my YouTube video?
00:06:49I'm up to 104 views.
00:06:51About to make that sneezing panda my bitch.
00:06:53Bro, you're getting the floor all wet.
00:06:55You're getting the kitchen all ugly.
00:06:57Hey, Chris.
00:06:58Don't you dare talk to her.
00:06:59I'm not even talking to you.
00:07:02You getting smart with me? Huh, you tall fuck?
00:07:04I'm an orange belt. I will ruin you.
00:07:06Are we done?
00:07:07I'm never done, Chris.
00:07:08I got 20 more laps and an hour more worth of legs,
00:07:10and I'm not gonna stop
00:07:11until I feel like I'm back in college
00:07:13and there's a fucking party in the quad.
00:07:18God, I love Mondays.
00:07:22That's Giselle.
00:07:23Pretty sure she hooks up with everyone.
00:07:26Kind of want a popsicle now, too.
00:07:29Hey!
00:07:34What you're looking at are the gym's pipes
00:07:37flooding our neighbor, Ivana's salon,
00:07:41with sewage.
00:07:43Meanwhile, at our morning meeting,
00:07:45our staff gets along swimmingly.
00:07:47And I know because I've tried to finance our work.
00:07:49Okay, calm down.
00:07:50We're not gonna have to close down.
00:07:52I don't think.
00:07:53You stinky pigs.
00:07:54Do you realize you have a business
00:07:56unattended outside?
00:07:59Anybody?
00:08:00Okay.
00:08:01This is Ivana.
00:08:03She definitely abuses Adderall.
00:08:05And your gross sewage pipes are leaking
00:08:07stank into my salon.
00:08:09It's no wonder the pipes are leaking.
00:08:11I told you the week before that.
00:08:13Everything in this gym is broken,
00:08:15including the staff.
00:08:17Oh!
00:08:18Yes!
00:08:19Oh, this is cute.
00:08:20Oh, really?
00:08:21This is mature, guys.
00:08:22What is this, West Side Story?
00:08:24Did you rehearse this?
00:08:25Very good.
00:08:26If you put this much effort into your gym,
00:08:28maybe it wouldn't suck so fucking bad.
00:08:31Smell that.
00:08:32It's much better.
00:08:33I think her hair is shitty.
00:08:39Honestly, I'm at my breaking point.
00:08:42Asking myself every day,
00:08:44do I believe in second chances?
00:08:47And yes, I also have a sweating problem.
00:08:52Doctors say it's tied to my anxiety.
00:08:54But I definitely don't need therapy.
00:09:01Hello, Chris.
00:09:04You look a little bit down.
00:09:06Maybe I can cheer you up
00:09:08with a little bit of a tap dance.
00:09:11This is Dre.
00:09:12Missy's husband.
00:09:14Can bench press the building.
00:09:25What are you doing?
00:09:31I have an audition as a British tap dancer.
00:09:36How'd I do?
00:09:37And yet, he's the one in the healthy relationship.
00:09:39Paycheck time!
00:09:45What are you guys talking about?
00:09:46Sports?
00:09:50You know,
00:09:51I've been hit with a few dodgeballs
00:09:52back in my time, you know.
00:09:55You should get a hoop out back, huh?
00:09:57Play a little b-ball?
00:09:58I don't play basketball anymore, Todd.
00:10:01What?
00:10:03This guy, what?
00:10:04Are you kidding?
00:10:05Why not?
00:10:07You're the best, man.
00:10:08He's here by you all the time.
00:10:09Chris Long, scores 30.
00:10:11Chris Long's unstoppable.
00:10:14I thought you were the greatest.
00:10:17He got real excited when I told him
00:10:18we were on the same team now.
00:10:21Let's imagine that this ticket right here
00:10:24represents all of my hopes and dreams.
00:10:27Or better yet, my ACL.
00:10:30Okay?
00:10:34Whoops.
00:10:35There go those.
00:10:36Hope you didn't need them, Chris.
00:10:38This is not my life.
00:10:41This is someone else's life.
00:10:45Pardon me.
00:10:52Jack Guy.
00:10:55And that was the moment I met
00:10:56the one and only Jack Guy.
00:11:00He immediately put us all on edge.
00:11:02But not to be a total hater,
00:11:04his cologne was kind of amazing.
00:11:06Jack Guy.
00:11:08Is that even a real name?
00:11:10Don't be jealous of his awesome name.
00:11:12Todd said not all of us are gonna get fired.
00:11:14I think some of us are getting fired.
00:11:16Big changes are coming, Todd.
00:11:18It's gonna be awesome.
00:11:19Can you change the lock on that door for me?
00:11:21I'm heading to Starbucks for a green tea latte.
00:11:23I'll be back in 20 minutes.
00:11:24Schmitty!
00:11:25What the hell's going on, bro?
00:11:27Get that clip tonight, yeah.
00:11:35Todd.
00:11:39What's up?
00:11:40You tell us, motherfucker.
00:11:42We have a new owner.
00:11:43What about your dad?
00:11:44He, uh, said he was tired of
00:11:46losing money on our business
00:11:48to keep me employed and he wishes he would've
00:11:50strapped up 30 years ago.
00:11:53I suck.
00:11:54Do you know he currently holds the title
00:11:56of the world's first ever male supermodel?
00:11:58I held that title on.
00:12:00This is Buzz.
00:12:01He's like an unofficial employee.
00:12:03He's here all day, every day.
00:12:05Guy's like 91.
00:12:06That's a title.
00:12:08If he wanted to be so successful,
00:12:09what the fuck is he doing here?
00:12:19He dated Kate back in sale,
00:12:21Cameron Diaz,
00:12:22and he's currently married to Adriana Lima.
00:12:25The Victoria's Secret supermodel?
00:12:28He asked me to marry her once.
00:12:33I bet you even his dick has a six-pack.
00:12:36Not anymore.
00:12:37I bet you $10 he has a couch
00:12:39made of nothing but chinchilla fur
00:12:41and he gets out of the pool wet
00:12:43and he sits on it
00:12:44just because he doesn't give a fuck.
00:12:49Jay Guy is the guy...
00:12:52Oh, and he was an all-Ivy League quarterback for Yale.
00:12:55Record breaker.
00:12:56Senior year, 28 touchdowns.
00:12:58In one game.
00:13:00That was like my resume.
00:13:02How do you know all this?
00:13:04I Google, Facebook, MySpace, Wikipedia, and Twittered him.
00:13:07Plus he told me.
00:13:09Holy Sherlock.
00:13:11Check her out, Holmes.
00:13:14And this was someone
00:13:17who is not usually around here.
00:13:21Whoa.
00:13:22She looked like an angel.
00:13:25Who was she?
00:13:26Where did she come from?
00:13:28Maybe she's looking for a trainer.
00:13:30Maybe I could be that trainer.
00:13:31Maybe we could train together.
00:13:33Maybe this is the beginning of something spe-
00:13:36Of course.
00:13:40Mr. Guy's got some moves.
00:13:43But I can tell you exactly what he's saying.
00:13:46Hi, I'm Jack.
00:13:47Jack Guy.
00:13:48I'm a supermodel
00:13:49and I throw footballs incredibly far.
00:13:51I'm married, but I'd still like to bend you over the hood
00:13:53of my incredibly expensive midlife crisis sports car.
00:13:56Oh, my God.
00:13:57Your name is Jack Guy?
00:13:59That is so cool.
00:14:00And your wall is so big.
00:14:02If you treat me like shit,
00:14:04I promise I will love you forever.
00:14:09Missy's right, dude.
00:14:10You need therapy.
00:14:11Bro, you wear a speedo.
00:14:14Did you guys hear the good news?
00:14:16We're gonna be on TV!
00:14:19I'm gonna be famous.
00:14:21Yes!
00:14:22Yes!
00:14:23I've been training for this my whole life.
00:14:25It'll be just like the iconic hit TV show,
00:14:28The Office,
00:14:30but unscripted and set in a gym.
00:14:33It'll be great.
00:14:34We'll have competitions.
00:14:35We'll have awards.
00:14:37Those are the basics of the reality show.
00:14:41Unless you know the better.
00:14:43But let me be clear on one thing.
00:14:46There will be no favorites.
00:14:48We are a team.
00:14:50Everybody's gonna get plenty of screen time.
00:14:59And I'd like the world to get to know
00:15:01each and every one of you,
00:15:03because I sense greatness in this room.
00:15:06And speaking of the cast,
00:15:08I thought we needed a little bit more
00:15:10of a zen aspect in this place.
00:15:12So I'd like you to meet your new yoga instructor.
00:15:15Namaste, my humans.
00:15:17My earth name is Niles.
00:15:20My cosmic name is Baba Guru Yogi Ji.
00:15:25But you may call me once we attain enlightenment
00:15:27in our practice together.
00:15:29If this guy thinks I'm calling him
00:15:31Baba Guru Yogi Ji,
00:15:33if this guy thinks I'm calling him
00:15:35Baba Guru Yogi Ji,
00:15:37he's got another thing coming to him.
00:15:39Namaste.
00:15:40Yeah, namaste, that's great.
00:15:41I have a question.
00:15:42What if we don't want our lives on display?
00:15:46Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:15:48Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:15:51Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:15:54Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:15:56Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:15:59Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:16:02Everybody wants the limelight.
00:16:04And the best part about this,
00:16:05this is only the beginning
00:16:07of the dumbbells experience.
00:16:08Dumbbells?
00:16:10That's our new name.
00:16:13Dumbbells.
00:16:1425-8.
00:16:1625-8?
00:16:17Exactly.
00:16:18Because 24-7 is for pussies.
00:16:20Wear dumbbells all the time.
00:16:23Speak for yourself.
00:16:28So does that mean we get extra hours?
00:16:31Negativo.
00:16:32Operating hours remain the same.
00:16:34So then how can we be called 25-8?
00:16:37Perception is reality.
00:16:41Dumbbells, 25-8,
00:16:43but we're still open from 6 to 9.
00:16:45In today's economy, reality shows
00:16:47that we're proving to be a very viable mechanism
00:16:50to boost business profits by as much as 300%.
00:16:53And speaking of percentages,
00:16:55I need everybody to give that little bit extra.
00:16:58So if you've been at 100,
00:17:00I need you at 150.
00:17:02And if you've been at 10%,
00:17:05I suggest a complete attitude adjustment.
00:17:12Fuck this guy.
00:17:13Fuck this guy.
00:17:15500%, I'm done.
00:17:17I thought about going pro,
00:17:18but I had so many modeling offers,
00:17:20I figured, you know, why risk an injury?
00:17:22Yeah.
00:17:23Someone else's diet.
00:17:24Or education.
00:17:25That's great.
00:17:26I love that.
00:17:31Cliff, can I help you?
00:17:33Actually, it's Chris.
00:17:35He's, uh, good-looking.
00:17:37Ah.
00:17:40Too bad he's also married.
00:17:47I know.
00:17:48I'm Jack's niece, Rachel.
00:17:56Chris, my office.
00:17:58Ten minutes, sharp.
00:18:10Jack?
00:18:11Yes?
00:18:12You wanted to see me?
00:18:14Yeah.
00:18:15We need to talk.
00:18:22I can come back.
00:18:23No, no.
00:18:24Right now.
00:18:29I have two troubling words for you.
00:18:34Jack,
00:18:35I'm sorry.
00:18:38Jack.
00:18:39Cock block.
00:18:43So you were hitting on your niece?
00:18:45It's a metaphor.
00:18:47This show
00:18:49is like my fat cock.
00:18:53And nobody is gonna block it.
00:18:57I just wanted to say bye.
00:18:59Rach, hi.
00:19:016 a.m.?
00:19:026 a.m. sharp.
00:19:05Wow, cool fish.
00:19:07You like it?
00:19:09Yeah.
00:19:10It's yours. Take it.
00:19:11What? Really?
00:19:12Yeah, sure.
00:19:13It was Todd's.
00:19:14I'm sure he's just gonna throw it away.
00:19:15I mean, let's find the fish a home.
00:19:17Consider it to be my gift to you
00:19:18for helping out on the show.
00:19:21You're welcome.
00:19:23I'll see you bright and early, okay?
00:19:25Yeah.
00:19:29Let me just make it
00:19:30really, really simple for you.
00:19:33Either you're a cock block
00:19:36or a dumbbell.
00:19:38You need to choose.
00:19:53Honey, I'm home.
00:19:55There's my MVP.
00:19:57I made your favorite.
00:20:00Wow.
00:20:01Everything looks absolutely wonderful, dear.
00:20:04Nice buzzer-beating dunk
00:20:05over Dwight Howard tonight.
00:20:07Oh, you'd think he would've learned
00:20:09from last time.
00:20:10Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:20:12Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:20:13Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:20:15I've set the table,
00:20:16but what do you say
00:20:17we start with dessert first?
00:20:20This is not my life.
00:20:22This is someone else's life.
00:20:26Chris, my man, what is up?
00:20:29You're a nice guy.
00:20:30I wanted to tell you
00:20:31this in person, all right?
00:20:33Look, you're evicted, man.
00:20:34You can't live here anymore.
00:20:36What?
00:20:37Yeah.
00:20:38You're getting evicted.
00:20:39You can't live here anymore.
00:20:41It's just horrible,
00:20:42terrible stuff going on.
00:20:44Your car's being towed
00:20:45down the stairs right now, too.
00:20:46I don't know if...
00:20:47I don't know if I should
00:20:48tell you this, but...
00:20:49I don't know if I should
00:20:50tell you this.
00:20:51I don't know if I should
00:20:52tell you this.
00:20:53I don't know if I should
00:20:54tell you this.
00:20:55I don't know if...
00:20:56You wanted me to tell you.
00:20:57Awesome!
00:20:58Hey, wait a second.
00:20:59You, uh, you've been
00:21:00working out?
00:21:01You look nice, man.
00:21:02Oh, good.
00:21:03And Clyde?
00:21:04I'll, I'll, I'll come back.
00:21:06All right.
00:21:07Talk to you later.
00:21:08Uh, that was my boss
00:21:09on the phone,
00:21:10and he saw you coming in,
00:21:11and good news,
00:21:12he actually thinks
00:21:13you look like
00:21:14a professional basketball player.
00:21:15Isn't that great?
00:21:16Does that mean
00:21:17I get the loan?
00:21:18What?
00:21:19No.
00:21:20God, no.
00:21:21Not even...
00:21:22Were you serious about that?
00:21:23I don't know what
00:21:24to speak of,
00:21:25besides the size of your balls
00:21:26for even asking
00:21:27for that amount of money.
00:21:28But look, okay, uh,
00:21:29I understand.
00:21:30All right?
00:21:31You're desperate, right?
00:21:32Everything's falling apart.
00:21:33If I can offer you
00:21:34some advice,
00:21:35get the fuck out
00:21:36of my office.
00:21:39Being on a reality show
00:21:40was not at the top
00:21:41of my list.
00:21:42The last thing I wanted
00:21:43to do was share
00:21:44my reality with anyone.
00:21:45But Jack Guy
00:21:46was paying a thousand bucks
00:21:47up front,
00:21:48and that bought me
00:21:49more time with my landlord.
00:21:51I wouldn't say
00:21:52we made it,
00:21:53but we made it through.
00:21:55We just had
00:21:56mousse to make
00:21:57and we made them do it.
00:21:58I wouldn't say
00:21:59we made it,
00:22:00but we made it through.
00:22:02We just had...
00:22:03I'm an idiot.
00:22:04Yo, Mookie,
00:22:05you owe me ketchup, dude.
00:22:06A full bottle of ketchup.
00:22:07No.
00:22:08Stop, stop.
00:22:10Everybody eating
00:22:11all the way.
00:22:12I wouldn't say
00:22:13we made it,
00:22:14but we made it through.
00:22:15Hey!
00:22:16Good morning, dumbbell.
00:22:18Check out the new unis.
00:22:19Not bad, huh?
00:22:21Three minutes late
00:22:22and you get the sleeves.
00:22:24So what do you think?
00:22:26You don't waste any time.
00:22:28Yep.
00:22:31Dreams do come true.
00:22:35Hey.
00:22:37I'm glad you didn't
00:22:38pull LeBron on his teammate.
00:22:41That's me.
00:22:43Go team.
00:22:44Come on.
00:22:45Day one
00:22:46of the rest of your life.
00:22:47Let's do this.
00:22:48Let's do this.
00:23:06Small.
00:23:07Thank you, Jack Guy.
00:23:19Really?
00:23:26Now we're talking.
00:23:37Huh.
00:23:38What's the wedding problem?
00:23:49Hello.
00:23:59That's 20 bucks I'll make.
00:24:03This better be good shit.
00:24:09Since when do you get to the gym
00:24:10during serious training hour?
00:24:12We're filming a show, aren't we?
00:24:14Since when do you want to do the show?
00:24:16Bobby.
00:24:18Stop talking to me.
00:24:22Oh.
00:24:24What are you oh-ing about?
00:24:26Got a little thing for Jack's niece, huh?
00:24:28So I guess you made up with my uncle.
00:24:33Hi.
00:24:34Hi.
00:24:35Hey.
00:24:37Wow.
00:24:39You look
00:24:43fit.
00:24:45This is awkward.
00:24:46I'm gonna go shoot glutamine in my ass.
00:24:49So you're the Chris Long.
00:24:53You didn't think I'd figure it out, did ya?
00:24:55I didn't really take you
00:24:57for the basketball thing.
00:24:59Wait, basketball?
00:25:00No, I was referring to the fish.
00:25:02It was signed Chris Long.
00:25:06The painting.
00:25:07Right. Yes.
00:25:09Me.
00:25:10I'm impressed.
00:25:12You were able to read my signature?
00:25:14Most people tell me it just looks like a C and a star.
00:25:17Why didn't you say anything?
00:25:19Oh, I...
00:25:20You seemed so happy.
00:25:22Who was I to interfere?
00:25:24Right?
00:25:25I can't believe you painted that.
00:25:27It's so cute.
00:25:31Well, thank you.
00:25:32I'm glad that you liked it.
00:25:35I named him Frank.
00:25:36Frank the fish.
00:25:38Do you mind?
00:25:39What?
00:25:40That you stole my painting
00:25:41or that you renamed Belvedere?
00:25:44Okay.
00:25:45Good morning, everyone.
00:25:46Welcome to the Dumbbells Experience.
00:25:49We're gonna have a lot of fun today.
00:25:51But first, I'd like us all to give a big, warm
00:25:54Dumbbells welcome
00:25:55to our very own Dumbbell Girls.
00:26:08And I'd also like us to give a big hand
00:26:10to our very acclaimed director,
00:26:12famous for his award-winning short,
00:26:14I think it's HPV,
00:26:15Mr. Sterling Leboeuf-Jones.
00:26:23I'm pretty sure this guy doesn't realize he's in America.
00:26:28Thank you, Sterling.
00:26:29So now, we're gonna do a little B-roll.
00:26:31So please, do me a favor.
00:26:33Just pair up.
00:26:34Work out.
00:26:36And most importantly, just mingle.
00:26:38Pretend like we're not even here.
00:26:40But it is television.
00:26:41Mm-hmm.
00:26:42So remember, it's all about looking hot.
00:26:44Mm-hmm.
00:26:45But please, don't sweat.
00:26:47Okay, let's do this.
00:26:49Dumbbell teams out.
00:26:50Whoo!
00:26:53We're partners, right?
00:26:58But then I discovered what I loved was psychotherapy.
00:27:01Psychotherapy?
00:27:03Yep.
00:27:04I'm gonna be a therapist.
00:27:06Really?
00:27:08What? You sound surprised.
00:27:10No, it's just kind of funny,
00:27:12because people are always telling me that I need therapy.
00:27:15Great stuff. Keep going.
00:27:17I love the honesty.
00:27:21Physical therapy.
00:27:23I mean...
00:27:25Uh, and that is why I work out here.
00:27:29Let's get some dumbbells!
00:27:32Can you believe this shit?
00:27:34Yeah, it's a total exploitation of women.
00:27:37I'm talking about Chris.
00:27:39Oh.
00:27:40He's actually talking to her as if she's a person.
00:27:43Ooh.
00:27:45You obviously don't like talking about basketball,
00:27:47so what I want to know is, other than adorable fish,
00:27:50what else do you paint?
00:27:51I, uh, I don't really paint that much anymore.
00:27:54You're good. Keep at it.
00:27:58Are you drinking soda?
00:27:59Are you out of your fucking mind?
00:28:01I don't put that shit in my body.
00:28:03I'm downing some cock.
00:28:04Cellular oxygen creatine.
00:28:06A liquid formula that triples my amino acid circulation
00:28:08while quadrupling my recovery time by five.
00:28:11Plus it tastes like cherries.
00:28:14Yeah, well, I'm the captain of the nasty squad.
00:28:18I'm gonna get a quick drink from the water fountain.
00:28:21Okay, so I'll be right back.
00:28:23Okay.
00:28:24Oh, uh, did you drop something?
00:28:27How's the date going?
00:28:29It is not a date.
00:28:31It looks like a date from over here.
00:28:33It is not a date.
00:28:35Just tell her how you feel.
00:28:39Hey.
00:28:40Why is only one of your pits Niagara Falling?
00:28:45Okay!
00:28:47Are we ready?
00:28:48Let's go.
00:28:49Let's go.
00:28:50Let's go.
00:28:51Let's go.
00:28:52Let's go.
00:28:53Let's go.
00:28:54Okay!
00:28:55Are we ready for the exciting time of the show?
00:28:58Let's go.
00:28:59Let's go.
00:29:00Let's go.
00:29:05You could be something to all these people.
00:29:07Keep your voice down.
00:29:09Okay, we are still shooting.
00:29:11Namaste.
00:29:13I can't have cameras rolling 25 feet.
00:29:16But the gym's only open from, like, 6 to 9.
00:29:24You guys ready to meet your celebrity host?
00:29:27Come on.
00:29:28Come on.
00:29:29All right.
00:29:30Now, this is a personal friend of mine.
00:29:32And he just happens to be one of the iconic sex symbols of our era.
00:29:38Is he Brock B?
00:29:40No, no.
00:29:41Oh, my God.
00:29:42Is he Matthew McConaughey?
00:29:44No.
00:29:45Hulk Hogan?
00:29:46Will you shut the fuck up, people?
00:29:48Let me do this, all right?
00:29:49Come on.
00:29:50Okay.
00:29:52Drum roll, please.
00:29:54Drum rolls, girls.
00:29:55Please take your places.
00:30:00All right.
00:30:01With great pleasure, I would like to introduce the one, the only, the fabulous Fabio!
00:30:13Voila.
00:30:14Yes!
00:30:15Yes!
00:30:16Yes!
00:30:17Yes!
00:30:18I'm fucking stoked!
00:30:22Have you tried his protein powder?
00:30:24It's fucking fantastic.
00:30:51So, what'd you do?
00:31:15Did you try rehabilitating it or something?
00:31:19I did.
00:31:20I did.
00:31:21I did.
00:31:22And it was going really good, too.
00:31:23It was making really good progress.
00:31:25Had some of the best physical therapists there were.
00:31:28The Miami Heat even invited me to their summer league.
00:31:31Wow, that's amazing.
00:31:34I mean, the truth is, I was never better than 50% after my injury.
00:31:44It's crazy how life takes us in directions we least expect, huh?
00:31:49Tell me about it.
00:31:50Hey, turd face!
00:31:52Some icky blonde tramp just threw up in front of my salon.
00:31:57And we can hear your music ballasting.
00:32:00Ivana, listen, okay?
00:32:02I know when you were a little brat, your dad gave you all the puppies and ponies you wanted,
00:32:05but in the adult world, you can take a time out.
00:32:08Well, time fucking in, mister.
00:32:12It wasn't a pony.
00:32:13It was a stallion.
00:32:14And his name was Prancer, and he was perfect.
00:32:16And now he's dead, so fuck you.
00:32:18Fuck you.
00:32:22This computer's like 70 years old.
00:32:25Let's get out of here.
00:32:26Where's your mother?
00:32:29And this is the point in the story where I realize I haven't been this happy in a really long time.
00:32:36Turns out Jack Guy's not so bad after all.
00:32:40Jim's busier than ever.
00:32:42And dare I say, I'm smitten.
00:32:49Are you kidding me?
00:33:08Hello?
00:33:09Hey, Chris, it's Kimmy.
00:33:11Miss me? Of course you do.
00:33:13Oh, my gosh.
00:33:14Daddy and I just got back from San Tropez.
00:33:16You would not believe it.
00:33:17I am so tan, but like perfect, not too tan, because that's gross.
00:33:20It's like the best skin color ever.
00:33:35You okay?
00:33:36Yes, I'm fine.
00:33:40You don't sound fine.
00:33:41I'm fine.
00:33:48I know that look.
00:33:50What's your name?
00:33:57Okay, I know what to do.
00:34:04Get comfortable.
00:34:06What are you doing?
00:34:08Bro, therapy saved my life.
00:34:13What is with everybody?
00:34:16I don't need therapy.
00:34:18She said she loves me.
00:34:23Guess what, Kim?
00:34:25I don't want to play in the NBA anyway, you materialistic buck.
00:34:28If she loves me, why does she leave?
00:34:31Why don't you go wipe your teeth again?
00:34:33Why don't you throw up that hamburger in the toilet again?
00:34:35You didn't think I could hear it?
00:34:36I can hear it every time.
00:34:38She didn't even say goodbye.
00:34:40She left a note.
00:34:42It wasn't even grammatically correct.
00:34:45And you know what else?
00:34:46That painting that I did for you?
00:34:48Guess what?
00:34:49It was runner up in the Santa Monica Amateur Arts Festival
00:34:52two years in a row, Dutch!
00:34:54I guess what bothers me the most
00:34:56is obsessively pondering over what I could have been.
00:34:59My true potential.
00:35:01An NBA star, league MVP,
00:35:04happily married to Kim,
00:35:06or anything other than what I am now.
00:35:10Chris, sometimes we need to lose everything that we think we want
00:35:15in order to discover who it is that we really are.
00:35:18That's deep.
00:35:20There's a magnet in my refrigerator.
00:35:23$4.95, I can show you the place where I get them.
00:35:25They're amazing.
00:35:26She told me if I passed the exam
00:35:28I could work for her father's real estate company.
00:35:31$75,000 starting salary.
00:35:36She goes on a retreat, and now all of a sudden she appears.
00:35:41Where's she been, and why do I still give a shit?
00:35:45If you didn't give a shit, you'd be just like her.
00:35:48Be thankful.
00:35:50You know what? You're right.
00:35:52You're absolutely right.
00:35:54Don't beat yourself up, pal.
00:35:58That injury?
00:36:00It's probably the best thing that could have happened to you.
00:36:02That injury saved your life.
00:36:06I don't need her, and I don't need her daddy's money.
00:36:10I've got things going on in my life.
00:36:13I've got Jack gone.
00:36:16That's right, brother.
00:36:17I've got dumbbells at 25.8, right?
00:36:22You know, Jack, I am feeling really good right now.
00:36:27And I don't know if it's just the 14 energy drinks,
00:36:31but my knee feels amazing.
00:36:34What is this, huh?
00:36:37Everybody should try therapy once, huh?
00:36:43Hey, don't ask.
00:36:44Did you forget to lock the door last night?
00:36:46I was a little tipsy.
00:36:47Wait, do you hear music?
00:37:05I used to think maybe you loved me
00:37:09Now, baby, I'm sure you do
00:37:11Good morning!
00:37:14And I just can't wait till the day is done
00:37:17Who wants breakfast? Energy drink?
00:37:22Hey, there he is.
00:37:25Day two, baby.
00:37:27Ready to do this, buddy?
00:37:29Nice wheels.
00:37:32Hey, Jack.
00:37:34Hey, something wrong?
00:37:36I've been an a-hole, a jerk, to both of you.
00:37:40And I want you to know that
00:37:43I think you're both equally amazing.
00:37:46These were my issues that I was dealing with.
00:37:50The check bonds, you asshole.
00:37:52Come on. Really?
00:37:55There must be some mistake.
00:37:56Come on, Bob, you know I'm good for it.
00:37:57Listen, don't call me Bob. It's Fabio.
00:38:00Fabio.
00:38:01Eyo.
00:38:02Fabio.
00:38:03Yeah, Fabio.
00:38:04Eyo.
00:38:05Yeah, Eyo. Eyo, you idiot.
00:38:07BT Dubs, I like Rachel.
00:38:11There, I said it.
00:38:12I don't even care if she's standing right behind me.
00:38:14I like Rachel. I really like Rachel.
00:38:19She's smart, funny, flexible.
00:38:23I might try poking her later.
00:38:25Facebook-wise, of course.
00:38:28Saul, call me back for the fourth time.
00:38:31Where the hell are you?
00:38:32I've got a huge problem.
00:38:37What's wrong?
00:38:40Fabio quit.
00:38:45Oh.
00:38:46Why?
00:38:47Because he's a dick.
00:38:49And the check I wrote him bounced.
00:38:51Probably didn't help.
00:38:53Oh.
00:38:54I've got my money manager on it,
00:38:56and what that means is I've got everybody here,
00:38:58but I've got to send them home and still pay for them.
00:39:00You should host the show.
00:39:02You're always doing modeling campaigns.
00:39:04You're used to being in front of a camera.
00:39:06Why don't you do it?
00:39:07Come on, buddy.
00:39:08You can host this show.
00:39:10Hell, you threw 28 touchdowns in a single game.
00:39:13That was in a season.
00:39:18That does make more sense.
00:39:20Yeah.
00:39:21I kind of thought it was bullshit when I first heard about that.
00:39:24But that's irrelevant, okay?
00:39:25Because you did rush for 300 yards
00:39:28with the stomach flu on a bad ankle, did you not?
00:39:31How do you even know that?
00:39:33I googled Facebook, MySpace, Wikipedia, and Twittered you.
00:39:36Plus, you told me last night right before we power-napped.
00:39:42We're all looking through the point of view of our own reality tunnel, man.
00:39:45And every reality tunnel is different.
00:39:49You know, Wikipedia says that Fabio's protein is better than water.
00:39:53I agree.
00:40:17What do you do with my lashes to make my eyes pop?
00:40:20Perfect. I love that.
00:40:23Ready to roll, Sterling?
00:40:28What's going on?
00:40:29Why is Jack getting concealer applied?
00:40:31His skin is perfect.
00:40:33I use a lot of cleanser.
00:40:34That's what keeps my skin smooth.
00:40:36Fabio quit.
00:40:37Jack's the host.
00:40:38And Greece is a fucking alien.
00:40:40Hi, Jack.
00:40:41Hi, Todd. What's up?
00:40:43I was trying to upload the footage to your Mac from yesterday,
00:40:47like you told me,
00:40:48and for some reason it doesn't seem that the footage actually recorded.
00:40:52What?
00:40:55Sterling, just hold on for a second, all right?
00:41:00How is that possible? I mean, how could that be?
00:41:0332 gigabytes of beer.
00:41:13I don't know.
00:41:16Sterling, did you know about this?
00:41:19No, no, no.
00:41:29I don't understand one fucking word you're saying.
00:41:32Does anyone here speak idiot?
00:41:36All right, just fuck it. You know what?
00:41:39You need something done, right? You gotta do it yourself.
00:41:41Just roll, Sterling. I'm ready to go. Let's do this.
00:41:48Bitch.
00:41:49Are you the owner of this establishment?
00:41:51I am.
00:41:52I'm with the Department of Health.
00:41:54And pardon the pun,
00:41:55but you need to get your shit together!
00:42:02Have a nice day.
00:42:09On. Zon. Lan. Action!
00:42:19Hello, America.
00:42:23We're in the gym.
00:42:2728-5.
00:42:3020-25.
00:42:3225 dumbbells.
00:42:3425-8.
00:42:37Is it fitness center or is it gym?
00:42:42Is it gym? Okay.
00:42:43Okay.
00:42:45I can't work like this. It's impossible.
00:42:56Hello, America.
00:42:59To be or not to be.
00:43:01That is the question.
00:43:04Ah, shit pancakes.
00:43:06You gotta be shitting me right now.
00:43:09This is my fucking opportunity.
00:43:11Son of a bitch!
00:43:12Motherfucker!
00:43:16Everything's okay.
00:43:18It's just a coincidence that all my checks are bouncing.
00:43:21Saul travels a lot.
00:43:22It's always hard to get a hold of.
00:43:24Uncle Jack?
00:43:25Hello, Rachel.
00:43:27Are you okay?
00:43:28Just having a few communication issues.
00:43:31You know what I just thought of?
00:43:33Why don't you call Adriana?
00:43:36She would make a perfect host.
00:43:38Great idea.
00:43:41Yeah, Adriana.
00:43:43Adriana left me five months ago.
00:43:47Oh.
00:43:50Is this Octorian related?
00:43:52Octorian?
00:43:54He was in a cult for 20 years.
00:43:57Like Catholicism?
00:43:59No, they worshiped a star, Octoris.
00:44:02Oh, they worshiped the star, Octoris. Of course.
00:44:07But he escaped.
00:44:10Hey.
00:44:12Yes, he did.
00:44:15Yeah.
00:44:16Look at that!
00:44:18Things are looking brighter already. See that?
00:44:20Literally brighter.
00:44:22And there he goes, folks.
00:44:23Money manager Saul Rosenblatt-Steinberg is being indicted
00:44:26on accusations of running a Ponzi scheme involving some of Hollywood's biggest names.
00:44:32Many of whom are linked to the alleged cult known as Octorian Lifestyles,
00:44:36which was first exposed by famous model and former member Jack Guy,
00:44:40who was also a victim in this tragic turn of events.
00:44:52Jack Guy had his demons too, like all of us.
00:44:55Adriana never loved me.
00:44:57She said she did, but she didn't.
00:45:00She went away on a photo shoot, she never even came back.
00:45:03I didn't join the cult, mother!
00:45:06No one joined the cult!
00:45:08I was brainwashed!
00:45:10He told her it was some German photographer with a ponytail.
00:45:13They told me I was saving the world.
00:45:15He said, sign here, you'll help save the world.
00:45:18I signed.
00:45:19What would you do?
00:45:20Dirk.
00:45:22Dirk the jerk.
00:45:23And to answer your question, yes, yes!
00:45:26I did think the spaceships were coming.
00:45:29I guess what bothers me the most is that no one ever seems to take me seriously.
00:45:34Even in the cult, my nickname was Dipshit.
00:45:38Therapy did the trick again, but the truth still remained.
00:45:41Jack Guy was flat broke, and now he couldn't pay his landlord.
00:45:46Once again, I'm really, really sorry.
00:45:50But in light of everything that's happened,
00:45:54unless some sort of miracle occurs,
00:45:56I strongly encourage all of you to explore other employment opportunities.
00:46:00Three days of working here and you get us shut down?
00:46:10She's pregnant.
00:46:14You are the best, best, best, best.
00:46:17Chrissy Poo, I love you.
00:46:19You are perfect in every way.
00:46:22Except for one itsy bitsy teeny little tiny thing.
00:46:26Loser.
00:46:27You're a fucking loser!
00:46:30Loser!
00:46:31Don't be so emotional, Chris.
00:46:33Loser! Loser!
00:46:35You're an art major.
00:46:37Loser!
00:46:38This is not my life.
00:46:40Loser!
00:46:41This is someone else's life.
00:46:53We take the underprivileged kids that I work with to the park to get some outdoor activity.
00:46:59I was thinking, maybe you could come by and show them some basketball moves or something.
00:47:09Yeah, that sounds awesome.
00:47:13You're early.
00:47:15I figured I could use some practice.
00:47:22Let's play some basketball.
00:47:42Ta-da!
00:48:01I figured we'd have to eat, right?
00:48:04Check it out.
00:48:05Hey Boo Boo, I got this picnic basket from the park ranger myself, Boo Boo.
00:48:10Yogi Bear.
00:48:14Okay, let's eat.
00:48:15First up, my famous homemade macaroni salad.
00:48:18Chris.
00:48:19Next up is a 1981 bottle of Merlot given to me by my great grandmother over a decade ago for a special occasion.
00:48:28And lastly for dessert, peach and raspberry cobbler pie.
00:48:35Oh, I'm sorry, you wanted to say something.
00:48:39Uh, if you're such a superstar player, how come you can't dunk?
00:48:44Well, I actually used to be able to dunk pretty well back in the day, so.
00:48:48I still don't think you can.
00:48:52Seriously, Manny, I got ten baseball cards that says you can't.
00:48:57Oooh!
00:48:58Alright, okay, let's see.
00:49:01Oooh!
00:49:02Alright, okay, let's be nice.
00:49:06Manny!
00:49:23Please God, don't make me look stupid in front of Rachel and all these kids.
00:49:311, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
00:50:01Put him in the coliseum to be food for the lions.
00:50:04With a cut right door, like the man on Brian.
00:50:06Hey baby, huh? I got back early.
00:50:10What's going on?
00:50:12Look at you, you look, uh, healthy.
00:50:16What's up with all the rugrats, huh?
00:50:18Wow, Chris, I'm really sorry. I never saw that one coming.
00:50:22Yeah, me neither, Manny. Me neither.
00:50:26Is this like a charity thing or homeless people thing?
00:50:32Yes. No, that's, hey, that's fair.
00:50:35You know, that's how you feel, so.
00:50:37Yes, for sure. Okay, see you at lunch.
00:50:40Alright, well.
00:50:42Uh, listen, uh, that was my boss.
00:50:44And, uh, he saw you coming in, and good news, he thinks you look like a movie star.
00:50:48Yeah, an action hero. Hi-yah!
00:50:51Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:50:53Love, daddy, I love you, and stuff.
00:50:56So, does that mean I have the loan?
00:51:00No. Oh, God, no.
00:51:02No, in fact, I believe his words were, get him out of my building.
00:51:05Um, I'm not really sure, because when he gets angry, he yells in Korean,
00:51:08which is weird, because he's from Europe.
00:51:11The loan, no, that's, no, you're not even close to getting a loan.
00:51:15Uh, you have no assets to speak of, like, whatsoever.
00:51:18It's, uh, it's kind of embarrassing, actually, a man of your age,
00:51:21when, in fact, you owe a ton of people a ton of money.
00:51:23So, let's hope they're not Italian.
00:51:26Chris. Chris, wait up. Chris.
00:51:29Yeah, what's up?
00:51:31I'm sorry. Look, I meant to tell you.
00:51:33Don't be silly. Look, it's totally cool. I just, uh, what time is it?
00:51:36I promised a friend that I would, uh, help him move today.
00:51:39I gotta, I gotta get to Ikea.
00:51:41Chris.
00:51:42It's totally cool. You're engaged. Not a big deal.
00:51:44I mean, he looks like a successful guy.
00:51:46Chris.
00:51:47Look, I, I just came to help you with the kids, right?
00:51:49Babe. You ready?
00:51:51It was nice meeting you, Cliff.
00:51:53Yeah, you too.
00:51:54Excuse me.
00:51:55Yeah, no. I took care of that.
00:51:58I swear to God, you'd call me again like that.
00:52:00No, just make the deal.
00:52:03Ah, I'm sorry. What were you saying?
00:52:06It was nice to meet you.
00:52:08And, by the way, thanks for helping Rachey out, you know?
00:52:10I know those semen demons can be a handful, right?
00:52:13Yeah.
00:52:14By the way, which one's your chariot?
00:52:17You mean my car?
00:52:18Exactly.
00:52:19Okay, um, yeah.
00:52:20Well, you know, I actually walked because it was such a nice day,
00:52:23so I'm gonna go.
00:52:25With a fucked up knee like that?
00:52:26I call bullshit and she calls shotgun.
00:52:28Get in.
00:52:29Huh?
00:52:30Where's Manny?
00:52:31Who?
00:52:32Manny?
00:52:33You can give me a handy later. Let's go.
00:52:37Oh, what the fuck is that?
00:52:39Fucking pterodactyl?
00:52:42Oh, jeez.
00:52:44What? What the fuck?
00:52:56Manny.
00:52:57Manny.
00:53:03Manny, I can't get you out of my head.
00:53:05You are a total fuck-up, you're tired of your resistance.
00:53:34And your incompetence.
00:53:35The end of days is upon us.
00:53:36The spaceships are coming.
00:53:37And you shall learn your lesson!
00:53:38No!
00:53:39No!
00:53:40Not there!
00:53:41Anything but there!
00:53:42No!
00:53:43You're evicted.
00:53:44It hurts me, bro.
00:53:45I'm sorry.
00:53:46Can I borrow your Titanic DVD?
00:53:47Are you serious?
00:53:48It smells good in here, man.
00:53:49I'm sorry.
00:53:50I'm sorry.
00:53:51I'm sorry.
00:53:52I'm sorry.
00:53:53I'm sorry.
00:53:54I'm sorry.
00:53:55I'm sorry.
00:53:56I'm sorry.
00:53:57I'm sorry.
00:53:58I'm sorry.
00:53:59I'm sorry.
00:54:00I'm sorry.
00:54:01I'm sorry.
00:54:02I'm sorry.
00:54:03I'm sorry.
00:54:04I'm sorry.
00:54:05I'm sorry.
00:54:06I'm sorry.
00:54:07I'm sorry.
00:54:08I'm sorry.
00:54:09I'm sorry.
00:54:10I'm sorry.
00:54:11I'm sorry.
00:54:12I'm sorry.
00:54:13I'm sorry, bro.
00:54:14Get painted here, man.
00:54:15You still owe me sleepless in Seattle.
00:54:16That was yours?
00:54:17Get out of here.
00:54:18I gave that back to you.
00:54:19You did not give it back.
00:54:20To me.
00:54:21Say it.
00:54:22I gave it back – You did not give it back.
00:54:23Look at your DVD, damn it.
00:54:24I'll give it back to you!
00:54:25Yeah!
00:54:28Oh, like that?
00:54:30And?
00:54:32What are you doing here?
00:54:51What do you mean, what am I doing here?
00:54:57I've come back to you.
00:55:04Um, Kim, uh, you, you should go.
00:55:10Why?
00:55:16Chris, I know that you think I wasn't very nice to you in the past, but we were kids then.
00:55:23$100,000?
00:55:25Uh-huh.
00:55:27Oh, okay.
00:55:28Alright, Kim, Kim, Kim, I need to know.
00:55:31What?
00:55:32Why now?
00:55:33Oh, why not now and morning?
00:55:35No, why now all of a sudden?
00:55:37Do you want to be with me?
00:55:39Chris, I've always loved you, and when you got hurt, I was scared.
00:55:50Jack?
00:55:52Ah, shit!
00:55:54Oh, my God.
00:55:56Holy pigeon shit.
00:55:58Here's to two hearts becoming one, my beloved Kimmy and Chris.
00:56:03Salute.
00:56:04Cheers, sir.
00:56:06Here we are, princess.
00:56:08Fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free, vegan lettuce cups, minus the rice and the oil, which I'm sure is much tastier than your chef always makes it.
00:56:17Uh, is that corn?
00:56:23Yes.
00:56:25No, it is not.
00:56:28It is, it is, it is.
00:56:30It is, or is it?
00:56:32It is, if I'm being truthful about it.
00:56:35It is corn, it is, uh, it is corn.
00:56:40That's bad.
00:56:50Ah!
00:56:55Daddy?
00:56:56Daddy?
00:56:59I'm so sorry.
00:57:00I'm a horrible person, and I will go improve myself around the corner.
00:57:06How difficult is it for this restaurant to get it right?
00:57:19So, uh, as you can see, the living room is very spacious.
00:57:24Well, I see that there's a pool, but, uh, where is the tennis court?
00:57:29We were told this property has a tennis court.
00:57:33Where does it go when the servants are cleaning the house?
00:57:38There's a ping-pong table in the basement.
00:57:41How dare you?
00:57:43I have not been practicing my backhand for nothing!
00:57:47And why is there so much furniture in this room?
00:57:50Well, ma'am, sometimes we give prospective buyers an idea of what it will look like once they move in and furnish the, uh...
00:57:56Pretty shitty trim.
00:57:58Who did it?
00:58:02Jack?
00:58:06Jack who?
00:58:07Is he in the union?
00:58:12He's speaking to you, dimwit.
00:58:16I'm sorry.
00:58:17I'm suffering from explosive diarrhea.
00:58:20I will be right back.
00:58:23I suggest you take a shit!
00:58:32Jack?
00:58:34Call me Lonestar.
00:58:35Lay low.
00:58:37Lonestar?
00:58:38Yeah.
00:58:39That's what you want me to call you?
00:58:41Yeah.
00:58:42Lonestar?
00:58:43Yeah.
00:58:44That's what we're going with?
00:58:45Absolutely.
00:58:46Sure.
00:58:47What's up, Lonestar?
00:58:48I can't let you do this.
00:58:50Do what?
00:58:51This.
00:58:52Look at you.
00:58:54Look at me.
00:58:55Jack, look at...
00:58:56Lonestar.
00:58:57Lonestar, look at you.
00:59:01You don't think I look good as a brunette?
00:59:04I think it brings out my eyes.
00:59:07Jack.
00:59:08Lonestar.
00:59:09Lonestar.
00:59:10You look insane.
00:59:11This is insane.
00:59:19Bianca.
00:59:20Bianca, where are you?
00:59:21You've got to see this.
00:59:22You're not going to believe this.
00:59:23Bianca!
00:59:24Bian...
00:59:25He's...
00:59:26Whoa.
00:59:27Look, I'm happy right now, okay?
00:59:29I've got my life together.
00:59:31I've got money.
00:59:32I can pay my rent for the first time,
00:59:34and I don't even know how long.
00:59:36Kim and I are happy.
00:59:37Things are great.
00:59:38No, everything's great, huh?
00:59:40Oh, come on.
00:59:41Open your eyes.
00:59:42Is this really what you want?
00:59:43You are a foul, loathsome young man.
00:59:47Loathsome?
00:59:48Loathsome!
00:59:49I'm going to call your office and file a complaint.
00:59:56She had the nerve to say,
00:59:57this is a basketball expert
00:59:59that my uncle sent here to help us today.
01:00:01I mean, it was so...
01:00:03I looked like a fool, Jack.
01:00:04Lonestar.
01:00:05Lonestar.
01:00:06I completely misread the entire situation.
01:00:09You didn't misread anything.
01:00:10Her lame-o fiance, Clay,
01:00:12the guy's been playing with her for years.
01:00:13Don't you see?
01:00:14Clay is Rachel's Kim.
01:00:16The guy is always away on business trips,
01:00:18coming and going like the breeze.
01:00:19The poor girl's been left feeling lonely,
01:00:21confused, and sad.
01:00:23He's not the right guy for her.
01:00:24We've all known that.
01:00:26But Rachel didn't realize it until she met you.
01:00:30She said that?
01:00:32Not exactly, but I know that's what she thinks.
01:00:34Jack!
01:00:35Lonestar.
01:00:36Lonestar!
01:00:37The cult tried to kill my dreams.
01:00:38I'm never going to let anybody ever do that again.
01:00:41Don't give up on Rachel, buddy,
01:00:42and more importantly, don't give up on yourself.
01:00:45You deserve better than this.
01:00:46This...
01:00:47Sheesh.
01:00:49Vile, vile, vile, vile!
01:00:52This isn't your life.
01:00:55This is somebody else's life.
01:01:06Wow, Jack.
01:01:07This is freakishly good.
01:01:09One good thing about being in the cult,
01:01:11planning to take over the world every day
01:01:13makes you very meticulous and a great strategist.
01:01:15Apparently.
01:01:16Oh, you know what else we should do?
01:01:17We should do a whole
01:01:18grassroots social media marketing campaign.
01:01:20All right, let's get to work.
01:01:22Let me get a little more comfortable here.
01:01:30Chris.
01:01:32Kim.
01:01:34Dude, she is hot.
01:01:36You're not helping.
01:01:38I love you too, Alfred.
01:01:40Be strong.
01:01:44Who was that, and what were you two doing?
01:01:47Just my friend Lone Star.
01:01:51All right, Daddy's waiting, okay?
01:01:53Kim.
01:01:59I'm leaving.
01:02:00I know, we have to go.
01:02:02No, I'm leaving alone.
01:02:05We're not driving to Daddy's separately.
01:02:08I'm not going.