Matt Abrahams, author of “Think Faster, Talk Smarter,” joins TheStreet to share some tips on how to be a better communicator.
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00:00So, tell me, Matt, what are your top three tips for being a better communicator?
00:07Thanks for asking, because I do think if we focus on three things, we can be much more
00:11effective.
00:12First, we have to manage our anxiety.
00:16Most people get nervous in high-stakes communication situations, be they planned, where you've
00:21thought about it, you've created an outline, or spontaneous, just in the moment.
00:26So we need to learn to manage our anxiety, and there are things we can do to address
00:30symptoms and sources.
00:33Second, we have to have a clear goal.
00:36All high-stakes communication should be goal-driven, and to me, a goal has three parts, information,
00:43emotion, and action.
00:44In other words, you need to ask yourself, what do you want your audience to know, how
00:48do you want them to feel, and what do you want them to do?
00:52And finally, we need to structure our information so we package it up so it's easy for our
00:57audience to understand.
00:59Many of us, when we communicate, we just list and itemize information.
01:04Our brains do not do well with lists.
01:06In fact, when I go to the grocery store, if I have more than three items, I need to write
01:10it down.
01:12What helps is a structure, a logical connection of ideas.
01:16For example, many people are familiar with problem, solution, benefit.
01:20You start with some issue or challenge, you talk about how you solve it, and then you
01:24talk about the benefits of doing it.
01:26Problem, solution, benefit is an example of one of many structures you can use to help.
01:32So manage anxiety, have a clear goal, leverage structure.
01:37So you drilled down on clear goals and on structure, but you didn't, when it came to
01:43managing anxiety, that might be what's making people more anxious.
01:47So talk to us about how to deal with that anxiety.
01:50Absolutely.
01:52So first and foremost, to realize it's normal and natural to feel nervous in high stakes
01:57situations.
01:59We have to take a two pronged approach, both symptoms and sources.
02:03We can manage the symptoms we feel.
02:05So for example, many people feel a rapid heart rate or they get shaky or they begin to blush
02:11and perspire.
02:12And there are things we can do to manage that.
02:14For example, take some deep belly breaths, the kind of breath you take if you've ever
02:18done yoga or Tai Chi, where you really fill your lower abdomen.
02:23And the key is the exhalation.
02:26My rule of thumb, or I like to joke, the rule of lung is you want your exhale to be twice
02:31as long as your inhale.
02:33So if I take a three count in, I take a six count out.
02:37If I'm shaky, I want to do purposeful movement.
02:40The shakiness is adrenaline trying to move us from a threatening situation to a safer
02:45situation.
02:47So if we move by doing big, broad, appropriate gestures, or we take a step towards our audience
02:52if we're standing, that can help us reduce shaking.
02:55We can manage many of the symptoms, but we also have to think about sources and there
03:00are many.
03:01Let me mention one.
03:03Many of us are made nervous because of the goal we have.
03:05I just said having a goal is important, but it can actually add to our anxiety.
03:10A goal is a concern about a future state.
03:14I want to get the funding.
03:15I want to get the support.
03:17Those are in the future.
03:19If I can become present oriented, I can be less nervous about not achieving that future
03:25goal.
03:26And there are lots of things we can do to make ourselves present oriented.
03:30You know, sometimes it's not just what we say, but what we look like when we're saying
03:35it.
03:36So what role does nonverbal communication like body language play into effective communication?
03:45It weighs heavy.
03:47The way we say something matters a lot.
03:50So let me give you a few really quick tips.
03:53First, you want to show yourself as big.
03:56Many of us, when we're nervous in particular, make ourselves small.
03:59Pull your shoulder blades down.
04:01That makes you look big.
04:02Keep your head straight.
04:03Avoid tilting your head.
04:05So you want to be big, balanced, and still.
04:08When you gesture, gesture broadly.
04:10Go beyond your shoulders.
04:11Many of us, when we're nervous or unsure, we gesture in front of our chest.
04:15Just go slightly beyond your shoulders.
04:17And then finally, vary your voice.
04:20If I speak in a very monotone way, it doesn't help me make my point because it doesn't demonstrate
04:28my passion, my authentic way of communicating.
04:30So big, balanced, and still with your body.
04:33Gesture beyond your shoulders.
04:35Vary your voice.
04:36You will be seen as confident and having passion for what it is you're discussing.