Alison Fragale, author of “Likeable Badass,” joins TheStreet to explain how you can become more likable at work.
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00:00So tell me, what specific behaviors and communication strategies make us more likeable at work?
00:08Great question. So, I call this book Likeable Badass, but likeable is just a single term for a whole dimension of characteristics.
00:18How much do you care about other people? How easy are you to interact with other people?
00:24So likeable, warm, sincere, helpful. So first thing is to remember that we have a whole variety of ways that we can show up as being concerned about other people, not just likeable specifically.
00:36So the way I would think about it is, what is your way that you like to convey that you care about people other than yourself?
00:43It could be a compliment. It could be asking somebody a question. It could be offering some advice or some support.
00:50So anything that's going to show the people around you, I care about you, I care about people other than me, is going to be a great communication behavior or strategy that you can use. It's a good place to start.
01:01And so how do you exemplify that likeable behavior without coming off as someone who is, I'm trying to think of the political correct term, kissing up?
01:18Sure. Well, this is where authenticity and strategy need to coexist. So if you are doing anything solely as a strategy to get somebody else to like you, it's going to come across poorly to them.
01:29It's going to come across poorly to the people who are watching you. And that's where it's going to be seen as you're ingratiating, you're kissing up.
01:35So that way I would think about it is start with what feels authentic to you. I always say to people, if you don't care about anybody other than yourself, I can't help you.
01:44But if you do care about people, what is the ways that you like to show it? And if it comes from a spirit of authenticity, like I'm complimenting you because I'm naturally excited about something you're doing or something you're wearing or something you said.
01:57If I do it from authenticity, it's going to be perceived that way both by the audience as well as other people who are observing you.
02:04And so why is being liked at work more than just a popularity contest?
02:09Well, you could treat it that way, but I'll take a step back. The reason I titled this book Likeable Badass is because I write about the science of respect, the science of status.
02:20How do you get other people to really value you and respect what you contribute? And people respecting you comes from two places.
02:26It comes from them seeing you as very capable, a person who can get things done. And it comes from people seeing you as someone who cares about people other than themselves.
02:34So that's where it's different than a popularity contest. Being sincere, being honest, being helpful, being kind.
02:41Those things are not necessarily the idea of being the most popular person, but they are adding value to other people.
02:48And it allows you to be the most respected person, which is extremely valuable and different from being the most popular person, but something that has a tremendous amount of value and contributes to your quality of life and to your ability to be successful in your career.