Dave Kramer on losing his best friend and her children to a shocking act of domestic violence. Vision courtesy: Queensland Govt
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00:00The impact of losing Han, Aaliyah, Leona and Trey has been never-ending.
00:21They were in every part of my life.
00:24There was one day when I left the gym, I gave Ana a hug and she just embraced me.
00:30She's a little four-year-old girl, but she gave a hug like no one else I've ever experienced.
00:36And I came back the next day to the gym and I was like, geez, Ana gave me such a beautiful
00:40hug yesterday to Han.
00:41And she goes, yeah, I know, I said that to her and she said, yeah, I know, I just feel
00:52like he needs bigger hugs because he's always by himself.
01:01And so a little four-year-old girl, right, and that was the kind of heart that all of
01:07them had.
01:10I definitely had a stronger bond with Han.
01:12Han and I just were on the same page and on the same level for a lot of different things.
01:17We had this thing, you'll see on my whiteboard over there, it says, leave it at the door.
01:21That was something that we took into the gym with us every time, or we didn't take
01:24into the gym, right?
01:25As soon as we got to the gym, we put all our stuff down at the door, our emotional baggage,
01:29all that sort of stuff.
01:30We went in and we did the job.
01:31She did that incredibly well, given everything that she was dealing with.
01:35At the time, there were certain things that I felt uncomfortable with, like the way he
01:39spoke to her when we were training, like when the kids would fight over an iPad or something
01:43like that, when we were all training, all three of us were training, he would yell at
01:46her and say, the kids are your responsibility, you know, you're the woman, you're the mother,
01:50go and look after the kids, rather than being standing right next to the kids and yelling
01:53at Hannah to say, you know, this is your job.
01:57At the time, I was like that, I mean, they're right there, you can deal with that situation,
02:01you know, it just seemed uncomfortable.
02:02Yeah, I've learned so much about coercive control since Han died and the kids.
02:09I just, I think, it's hard to pinpoint the main things that I've learned about it, but
02:15those big key factors of what DV looks like as a relationship are really important.
02:21The power imbalance, the fact that one person is trying to use power and control over the
02:24other person and they're doing that through that pattern of controlling behaviours.
02:29The fact that coercive control includes a variety of different behaviours that may not
02:33include violence, may not include physical abuse.
02:38And then that fear and anxiety, and the reason why someone might feel like they need to stay
02:42in that relationship, right, like the safety of their children, the safety of themselves
02:46may depend on being inside that relationship.
02:49Starting conversations early, recognising, getting education around what coercive control
02:52is, is really important, because the laws won't save everyone, they might save a few,
02:57but ultimately it's going to take a cultural change to save people's lives.
03:00Australia needs to change the way we view violence, we need to change the way we view
03:04women, we need to improve on the way that we treat each other.
03:07So if we're going to do that, it's going to start with conversations with our friends,
03:10with our family.
03:12If we're going to do that, it's going to start with conversations with our friends,
03:14with our family.
03:15If we're going to do that, it's going to start with conversations with our friends,
03:16with our family.
03:17If we're going to do that, it's going to start with conversations with our friends,
03:18with our family.
03:19If we're going to do that, it's going to start with conversations with our friends,
03:20with our family.
03:21If we're going to do that, it's going to start with conversations with our friends,
03:22with our family.
03:23If we're going to do that, it's going to start with conversations with our friends,
03:24with our family.
03:25If we're going to do that, it's going to start with conversations with our friends, with
03:26our family.
03:27If we're going to do that, it's going to start with conversations with our friends, with
03:28our family.