BRENDA was HIV positive when she fell in love with her husband, Brandon. She admitted to Love Don't Judge: "I was nervous he wouldn't want to be with me," but Brandon explained: "I was already in love with her from the first interaction." But Brenda's medical condition comes with plenty of prejudice, particularly online. "A lot of people think that we do this for clout. Comments like, you're selfish for having kids, you're selfish for being married to a man who is HIV negative. Sometimes I will read people saying that I need to die," Brenda explained. Brandon added: "The judgement really bothered my wife at one point." In this episode of Love Don't Judge, we'll be hearing how Brenda's mom, Laketa, supported her daughter. She said: "I was devastated but I had to be strong for her."
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00:00When I found out that my dad and my husband at the time
00:03were sleeping together, I felt betrayed.
00:06My ex-husband gave me HIV.
00:10I never knew that social media could be so brutal.
00:12They make me feel like I am a walking disease.
00:15My mom was there when the doctor told me
00:18that I was HIV positive.
00:20I was devastated.
00:23I'm gonna go get your HIV medicine.
00:25She told me she was HIV positive
00:27maybe a week or two into us dating.
00:31I knew I needed to tell him before I met him in person.
00:35I was nervous that Brendan wouldn't wanna be with me.
00:38I was already in love with her from the first interaction,
00:41so it didn't bother me.
00:43As long as you're taking your medicine
00:44every single day, you can live.
00:46It helps with my immune system
00:47so that it will be a 0% chance for me
00:50to give my partner HIV or even pass it down to my children.
00:54Side effects that I personally receive
00:56was short memory loss.
00:58It did cause me to have anxiety and depression.
01:01I am currently on meds as well for that.
01:03I know the side effects can be very scary,
01:06but I'd rather have side effects than to be dying.
01:12We was the cutest.
01:13I told Brendan in the first month of us dating,
01:16if he was serious, prove it.
01:18And he did just that.
01:22Well, you'll tattoo it.
01:24To find love after HIV, it's not easy at all
01:28because so many people are uneducated about it.
01:31You have to tell them, hey, I'm HIV positive,
01:34and hopefully you accept me.
01:35But if not, I gotta try again.
01:38This is our wedding photo,
01:40and this is my beautiful family.
01:45My ex-husband is the person that gave me HIV.
01:51Who knew he had it, and he had it for many years.
01:54I was 19 years old and just had a baby.
01:57This is actually my favorite photo of us.
02:00This is when we was in the beginning of our happy place,
02:04even though I didn't know he was living a double life.
02:07It's never easy to talk about how
02:11my dad introduced me to my ex-husband.
02:13My dad said this is one of his friends.
02:16Everyone knew that I was the preacher's kid,
02:19so they have this obsession over preacher's daughters.
02:22And my dad wanted me to marry,
02:27and he introduced us
02:28because he felt like we would be a good fit.
02:31I thought that he was just a member of my dad's church.
02:36I wanted to get away, but I felt trapped.
02:39I don't even look the same.
02:40I looked depressed, and I was losing weight.
02:43I also believe that I was HIV positive here,
02:46and I did not know.
02:47And you can tell from my cheekbones,
02:50I'm starting to look sick.
02:52And this is when I was pregnant
02:54with our daughter, Elizabeth.
02:56When I found out that my dad and my husband at the time
03:00was sleeping together, I felt betrayed.
03:03I felt disgusted.
03:05I felt like I wasn't worth anything,
03:08and I didn't believe in the word loyalty anymore.
03:10I don't talk to my dad anymore,
03:13but my ex-husband does pop in and pop out.
03:18I did lock him up.
03:20I was really nervous when I first told Brendan
03:23that I have a horrible past.
03:25I was more so shocked than anything.
03:28It did make me angry.
03:30That's supposed to be her father.
03:32And for him to set her up the way he did,
03:35it was, honestly, it was horrible.
03:38I'm still strong, more than ever.
03:41I love her honesty, her bravery, and her goofiness,
03:45sometimes.
03:48Aggravating.
03:50I wanted people to know that there is life after HIV.
03:53I'm married to a man who is HIV negative.
03:56I have three children who is HIV negative.
04:01A lot of people didn't understand why I told the world
04:04that I am HIV positive.
04:06This video got the most hate comments.
04:09Not being funny,
04:10but he voluntarily invited HIV into his life.
04:13Was he positive already?
04:15Not judging, just curious.
04:17It's a lot of ignorant people
04:18who just think HIV is a death sentence.
04:21A lot of people think that we do this for clout,
04:24which is weird,
04:25because who wouldn't get clout off having HIV?
04:28A lot of people think it's fake, honestly.
04:29Yeah.
04:30Comments like, you're selfish for having kids,
04:34you're selfish for being married to a man
04:37who is HIV negative,
04:39let him be with a woman who's HIV negative.
04:42Sometimes I will read people saying that I need to die
04:47and that I don't deserve my husband,
04:50even after everything that I have been through
04:53with my past marriage.
04:55I feel sorry for him now.
04:56He's gonna catch it too.
04:59People make me feel like I am not human.
05:02They make me feel like I don't belong here
05:05and that I am a walking disease,
05:08that if I touch them, they're gonna get it as well.
05:10And that hurts.
05:11I never knew that social media could be so brutal.
05:14But after a while,
05:15the judgment really didn't affect us at all.
05:18He better accept you.
05:19He gave it to you.
05:20A lot of people don't really pay attention,
05:22but a lot of people think that I'm the one
05:23that gave it to her.
05:24Yeah.
05:25A lot of people don't know that children
05:27also take HIV medicine,
05:29even though they're not positive.
05:31They have to take it the first three weeks
05:33of them being born.
05:35Even though they are negative,
05:36you know, you have to go through a process
05:38as a HIV woman having children.
05:40I support you, honey.
05:41No matter what, I am positive as well.
05:44And my husband is negative.
05:45Thank you for uplifting me.
05:47Social media definitely have made my marriage stronger
05:51because it just tested everything.
05:54It just made us love each other even more
05:57because people want our marriage to fail so bad.
06:02All right, sit back, girls.
06:03Get closer.
06:04Y'all like y'all gonna bite each other.
06:06Say cheese.
06:07What is like to see your mom talk about having HIV?
06:11He should know that kind of stuff.
06:13You think so?
06:15Okay.
06:16Do you think people treat mommy different?
06:18Yes, yes, yes.
06:20From having HIV?
06:22How did it make you feel that they treat mommy bad?
06:25Mad.
06:27So we're about to go to the park to meet my mom.
06:30Yay!
06:32At first, my mom thought that Brandon wasn't genuine.
06:35She thought my husband was a serial killer.
06:37She did not understand why would someone
06:39want to be with someone with HIV and two kids.
06:43Yeah, she was at her own feet, baby.
06:44She definitely was being judgmental,
06:47but she didn't know the education behind HIV and AIDS.
06:51So she was just being like everyone else
06:54who doesn't know how it works.
06:56I thought it was too good to be true, pretty much.
06:59I was like, okay, do we know what's going on?
07:01Wait a minute.
07:02Are you sure?
07:03You know, but he was a pretty cool guy.
07:06My mom was there when the doctor told me
07:09that I was HIV positive.
07:11I can tell that she wanted to cry and slide down the wall,
07:14but she was trying to be strong for me
07:17because she could not believe
07:18that the doctor just told her daughter this.
07:21Honestly, I was devastated,
07:24but I had to pretty much be strong for her.
07:28I put my strongness on.
07:30Hey, mom.
07:31Hey.
07:32What's going on?
07:33Hi, how are you feeling?
07:34Hey.
07:35Hey.
07:38So how do you feel about me being positive
07:41and him being negative?
07:44At first I was afraid.
07:46I think that's when I asked you.
07:47I said, you know, you sure he knows?
07:49Because, yeah.
07:52But I could tell that he was in love with you
07:54when he, you know, when you told him.
07:56Maybe because of what people say.
07:59It's not, you know, it's not that I thought he was crazy
08:02because you're a great woman, actually.
08:04You're the best.
08:05And I knew you would have been an awesome wife
08:06because you watched me.
08:08But no, most people would be like, oh no, I can't do it.
08:12I've heard people say, ew, you know,
08:14why would he put himself in that type of predicament
08:16or whatever.
08:18How do you feel about how his family did me?
08:21I didn't want to say that because I like peace.
08:23You know, I could have just went in on his family
08:26because of the way that they were doing
08:28and to hear you cry, you know.
08:29But what made me not do it is him
08:32because at the end of the day, he always had your back.
08:35The reaction that my family gave was not a good reaction.
08:40It was more so a biased reaction
08:44when it comes down to the situation
08:46due to the fact they were not educated.
08:48How old were you and how old was my dad
08:51when y'all conceived me?
08:53Well, me and your dad started at 15.
08:55I was 15.
08:56I was looking for love at a church because I was hurt.
09:00Things caught up with him, you know, and he went to jail.
09:03But I still didn't think he was wrong
09:07because I was still young.
09:08I was still a child.
09:10But now that, you know, doing therapy
09:13and everything else that happened, you know, I see that.
09:19I was shocked at some of the things
09:20that you went through, Ma.
09:21And the fact that you still here
09:23made me realize that I can be strong too.
09:27Yeah, I had to be strong
09:29because you, your siblings, I had to be strong.
09:33You know, we all went through a lot.
09:35I was lost when you first came.
09:39I was lost.
09:40I felt like I was by myself.
09:42You know, his letters used to come from jail
09:45and I just gave up, you know,
09:49but I didn't give up on you and I'm still not giving up.
09:55But this dude right here, I mean,
09:57even through your emotional roller coasters,
10:00he stood there and that's what I knew, you know.
10:06They're inseparable.
10:08No matter who comes and say something,
10:11you can't pull them apart, no matter what.
10:15That's what I love about him.
10:17This was actually a dream to make this poster board.
10:20I had this three years ago.
10:22Okay.
10:23I want the world to know that the stigma is a lie.
10:26If it gets to your mind, say cheese.
10:27And that you can be HIV positive
10:29and still marry a man who's HIV negative.
10:32And you can have children who also could be HIV negative.
10:36I felt passionate.
10:37I was about to go in.
10:39Brandon changed my life to show me that I can be safe.
10:43I can be happy.
10:45I love how nurturing and caring she actually can be.
10:49We get each other.
10:50We are the black sheeps.
10:51I'm hoping to show people there is life after HIV.