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00:00I'm the type of person who doesn't know what to say and just goes for it.
00:04When I talked to these five people, they were like,
00:05when did you kiss?
00:08The theme of tonight's Deep Talk is...
00:11I think it's people who mistake flirting for humor.
00:14I think it's a commercial.
00:16I've been flirted with many times,
00:19and when I'm like, that's enough,
00:22I'm like, does this person have anything else to say?
00:25Sometimes I think I can't communicate.
00:28My husband teases me.
00:31Even if I say I don't like it,
00:33he doesn't feel like I really mean it.
00:37A word that's become a hot topic on social media recently,
00:40the word, Iyashirazu.
00:42For example, even if you say,
00:44don't do it because you don't like it,
00:47he doesn't take it seriously
00:49and indicates that he won't stop.
00:52People who can't admit their mistakes
00:55and tend to think in a worse direction than necessary
00:58are called cognitive distortions.
01:01If this goes too far,
01:03it can cause a crack in human relationships.
01:06So the theme of tonight's Deep Talk is
01:09cognitive distortions.
01:11First of all, this kind of cognitive distortion.
01:14When I'm drunk and I want to go home early the next day,
01:20I'm like, what time is it?
01:22I feel like it's about time.
01:24I'm like, I'm totally fine.
01:26If he looks at the clock, let him look at it.
01:29I go out to hang out with him.
01:31It's my first time, so I make him look at the clock.
01:34But on the way home, he asks me a lot.
01:38I don't need you.
01:40Cognitive distortions that interpret things more positively than they actually are.
01:45In addition, cognitive distortions caused by extreme negative thinking.
01:50But when he comes home drunk,
01:53the moment he suddenly stops,
01:55I'm like, oh, is he angry?
01:57Did he say something?
01:59That happens sometimes.
02:01So tonight, we're going to talk about cognitive distortions in depth.
02:06The night when a man and a woman talk in depth.
02:13This program is a talk show for adults talking about deep topics.
02:17Did you know the phrase, Iyashirazu?
02:20No, it's the first time I've heard it.
02:22I only know Oyashirazu.
02:24I don't think that's what it's about.
02:28It's the Iyashirazu that's talked about on social media.
02:31Specifically, there's a case like this.
02:33A woman who had her head hit by her husband on Sunday
02:36said, stop because it hurts.
02:38Her husband said, it's an expression of affection.
02:41She didn't stop him.
02:43Her husband suddenly brought his co-worker home.
02:46Her room was a mess.
02:48She wanted him to contact her in advance.
02:51He said, I don't care.
02:53She didn't listen to him.
02:55Is there anyone like that around you?
02:57I think I'm the type of person who does Iyashirazu as much as I want.
03:01Ueda-san might be the same.
03:03In the world of variety shows,
03:05if there's something, I play with it.
03:07I'm always like that.
03:09It's Iyashirazu.
03:11He was there.
03:14He might be at a drinking party with a friend.
03:17He might be doing it without realizing he's saying no.
03:20That's right.
03:21That's a little scary.
03:23He's just getting excited.
03:25Don't you do that?
03:27It's scary.
03:29I always think I'm saying that.
03:33What do you think, Yamana-sensei?
03:35Does Iyashirazu come from the distortion of recognition?
03:41That's right.
03:43People with Iyashirazu have a personal boundary.
03:46They don't recognize their own boundaries.
03:50It's okay up to this point,
03:52but if you don't say specifically that it's more difficult,
03:55you won't be able to convey it.
03:57There are also people who rely too much on positive thinking.
04:00People who say, I'm okay.
04:03People who underestimate their own problems.
04:07There's a distortion of recognition.
04:09It's not uncommon for people to become Iyashirazu.
04:13Maekawa-san, what do you think about Iyashirazu and the distortion of recognition?
04:17I think there's a lot of Iyashirazu in the relationship.
04:25In my experience,
04:27when I go out to eat with a few people,
04:29I say, let's go on a date next time.
04:33If I don't like it,
04:35I say it very clearly.
04:38If it's August or summer,
04:40I say, I won't go on a date this year.
04:43You shouldn't say that.
04:45I should say no to that.
04:49But after that,
04:51when I'm free,
04:53or when I get a call,
04:55I'm often told that I'm pretending to be a woman.
05:01Even if I say it so clearly,
05:03if I say no,
05:05it means I'm a kind woman in the world.
05:07I think people who say no easily
05:09are more likely to have a negative impact.
05:13Maekawa-san, you're the one with the least impact.
05:15I think so.
05:17But you can say that.
05:19You can say,
05:21I'm not good at this person.
05:23When you're invited to a meal.
05:25I say no a lot, too.
05:27How do you say no?
05:29I have a job.
05:31You're invited to a meal.
05:33You say no to your partner.
05:35You say no to your partner.
05:37Then I say no.
05:39I say, I understand.
05:41I'll call you when I understand.
05:43I'll call you a month later.
05:45I was waiting for you to call me.
05:47I said, what happened?
05:49Your Japanese representative is so relaxed.
05:51Do you have a partner?
05:53What happened?
05:55I give up.
05:57I give up and go on a date.
05:59I invite everyone.
06:01Does everyone come to your date?
06:03This is a celebration.
06:05I invite 16 people.
06:07It's a nuisance to invite so many people.
06:09Harada-san, do you say no?
06:11I might say,
06:13I'm married.
06:15I'm married, too.
06:17That's probably what happens.
06:19Then I'll make a really loud voice
06:21and go home.
06:23Why?
06:25Why is that?
06:27That's extreme.
06:29How about you, Sano-san?
06:31Have you ever thought you might be a nuisance?
06:33Yes, I have.
06:35I don't do anything I don't like.
06:37I don't do anything I don't like.
06:39I talk a lot about what I think is OK.
06:41I talk a lot about what I think is OK.
06:43For example,
06:45when I'm sharing beauty information with a girl,
06:47I share it with her.
06:49I share it with her.
06:51I share it with her.
06:53When I have more friends,
06:55or when we go out drinking,
06:57when I have more friends,
06:59I share info with her.
07:01I share info with her.
07:03Because I also don't care
07:05because you comment so much on me.
07:07Because I also don't care
07:09It would be like my secret place.
07:11But I feel sad
07:13And I feel sad
07:15when a girl says no.
07:17Yeah, I think you might be right.
07:19When we have something to drink with,
07:21I have a very low self-esteem, so to speak.
07:25I think everyone is having fun,
07:29so when I talk to these five people, they ask me,
07:31when did you kiss?
07:33Then I feel like everyone is getting along.
07:35No, no.
07:36You may think it's the entrance,
07:38but it's the exit.
07:40It's distorted.
07:41It's distorted.
07:42Ms. Yamura,
07:43can you briefly explain the distortion of cognition?
07:47Yes.
07:48The distortion of cognition is a psychological term.
07:50It refers to the way of thinking,
07:52the way of perceiving things,
07:54and the distortion of interpretation.
07:57Some people are negatively perceived
08:00just because they don't get a reply on LINE.
08:04Some people are perceived as being
08:06more aggressive
08:08because their subordinates
08:10should not go home earlier than their boss.
08:15Ms. Arada,
08:16do you ever feel that your cognition is distorted?
08:21Basically, I don't have much confidence in myself,
08:25so I think people who meet me are basically hated.
08:29I'm an illustrator,
08:32so I don't meet many people at home.
08:36Before I met people,
08:38I was thinking about what to talk about
08:41in my head for about a week or two.
08:44I simulated what I wanted to talk about
08:47and did my first greeting
08:49with this kind of tension.
08:52I did it alone in the living room.
08:54Alone in the living room?
08:55It's been a long time.
08:58How about you, Ms. Asano?
08:59When I'm in a drama set,
09:01I meet a lot of people.
09:04Basically, I'm like a cat.
09:08The public image of the world towards me
09:11is that I'm going to show off in private
09:13or that I'm going to steal someone's man.
09:15That's the kind of image you have.
09:17Is that so?
09:18You're in a hurry to change your public image.
09:20When did you hear that?
09:21I think everyone has that kind of image.
09:25I'm like a cat.
09:27Ms. Arada, what do you think about Ms. Asano's story?
09:31Do you feel that your cognition is distorted?
09:33Yes.
09:34In Ms. Arada's case,
09:35when she meets people,
09:38her cognition is distorted.
09:41She has a negative image of herself.
09:45I felt that kind of distortion.
09:47In Ms. Asano's case,
09:48when she was told by someone
09:50or when she was written in a comment,
09:52from one experience,
09:53everyone thinks so.
09:55I felt that there was a distortion of cognition
09:57called extreme generalization.
10:01There may be.
10:02How about you, Ms. Maekawa?
10:04Is there anyone around you who has a negative thought?
10:07When I have a negative thought,
10:09for example,
10:10when I have a negative thought,
10:11and when I have a constructive thought,
10:13if I have a negative thought for a long time,
10:15if I have a conversation like that for more than 10 minutes,
10:17I feel that this conversation is necessary,
10:19so I get a little tired.
10:21Ms. Maekawa has a positive thought.
10:23I think I have a positive thought, too.
10:26I'm a bit like Ms. Arada.
10:29Before I meet people,
10:31when I go to dinner with my seniors,
10:33I think about a list of questions
10:36and answer them.
10:38I don't want people to think I'm boring.
10:40I don't want people to hate me.
10:42In counseling,
10:44there are a lot of people like that.
10:46There are a lot of people who say,
10:48you have to make me happy,
10:50or you have to give me a good impression.
10:52Psychology has the principle of variability.
10:54When you relax a little and try to have fun,
10:57the other person will also have fun and relax.
11:02First of all,
11:03I want you to remember that having fun is the basis of communication.
11:08What I want to ask is,
11:10Kawamura Emiko is a very negative person around me.
11:13When I was working with her,
11:15I asked her,
11:16Ms. Okubo, were you okay?
11:18Ms. Ueda, didn't you ignore me?
11:22She was very noisy.
11:23I said,
11:24It's okay. It's not like that.
11:26It's okay. It's not like that.
11:27I said that many times in an hour.
11:29I was getting angry.
11:31I said,
11:32I'm okay up to three times.
11:34I've been angry once.
11:36How can I reply to this person who keeps saying negative things?
11:40I said,
11:41I laughed a lot.
11:42If you express your feelings in a linguistic way,
11:45it will lead to a little peace of mind.
11:47I see.
11:48It's not okay.
11:49I said,
11:50I laughed a lot.
11:52It's a pain in the ass.
11:55By the way,
11:56there are various types of cognitive distortion.
11:58I heard that you can check it by asking questions.
12:01Ms. Okubo, please.
12:03I'd like to do a simple cognitive distortion check to see if I know my own cognitive habits.
12:09When I asked my subordinate for a job,
12:11he made an unpleasant face.
12:12What do you think at that time?
12:15I don't want to do it.
12:16I see.
12:17If you're serious,
12:18you'll be nothing without me.
12:22I'm scared.
12:25I'd like to do a simple cognitive distortion check to see if I know my own cognitive habits.
12:30When I asked my subordinate for a job,
12:32he made an unpleasant face.
12:33What do you think at that time?
12:36Ms. Usada, what do you think?
12:38Even if he made an unpleasant face at work,
12:41I'll do my job.
12:43I see.
12:44Ms. Harada, what do you think?
12:46I wonder if he did something unpleasant.
12:49I may look back in my head.
12:53I see.
12:54Ms. Maekawa, what do you think?
12:55If he made an unpleasant face,
12:57it means that he doesn't want to do this job,
12:59or it's hard,
13:00or he's very busy with his private life.
13:02He may have something,
13:03but he can't express it in words.
13:06I think it means that he tries his best to make an unpleasant face.
13:10So,
13:11I'll do my job casually.
13:13If he makes an unpleasant face at work,
13:15I'll say,
13:16I'm sorry, but this job is very troublesome.
13:19I see.
13:20Mr. Yoshino, what do you think?
13:22I'll say,
13:23It's okay.
13:24I'll say,
13:25Did something happen?
13:27If he doesn't want to do it,
13:28I'll say,
13:29You don't have to do it.
13:31I'll say,
13:32He doesn't like me.
13:34He doesn't want to do this job for me.
13:36I see.
13:37If you want to do it,
13:38it's up to me.
13:41Hey, hey, hey!
13:43Are you going to say that?
13:45I'm just kidding.
13:46What do you mean?
13:47I think he doesn't like me.
13:49I think he doesn't want to do this job because it's up to me.
13:55Mr. Ueda, what do you think?
13:56No,
13:57I'll say,
13:58I'll do it here,
13:59but I'll do it somewhere else.
14:01Then,
14:02I'll say,
14:03It's okay.
14:04I think so.
14:07I've prepared three typical distortions for this question.
14:11I'd like to introduce them.
14:12A.
14:13He's a subordinate, so he should take on all the work.
14:16He's a perfectionist.
14:19B.
14:20If he makes that face, I won't ask him to do it anymore.
14:22He's the most emotional person.
14:25C.
14:26Does he hate me?
14:27If it's Mr. Marumaru's request, I'm sure he'll take it.
14:30It's a negative delusion.
14:32Mr. Sanosu is more like A.
14:36He's a perfectionist, so he should take on all the work.
14:41I'm B.
14:43I'll do it here.
14:48Mr. Okubo is C.
14:49I agree.
14:50I thought he didn't like me.
14:52Mr. Harada is also C.
14:55I think he said he did something bad.
14:59By the way,
15:00as a distortion-free answer,
15:02as Mr. Maekawa said,
15:04I asked him if he was tired.
15:07I asked him if he was overdoing it recently.
15:10I asked him to do it earlier next time.
15:13That's a distortion-free example.
15:15How should I fix it?
15:18In this example,
15:19there's a part where I say,
15:21he's the worst subordinate.
15:24But I ask him,
15:26what's the basis for that?
15:28What's the truth?
15:29People who have a lot of options here are people with a flat awareness.
15:33Do they think I'm overdoing it?
15:35Do they think I'm overdoing it?
15:37Or do they think I'm just sick today?
15:39If you practice making a lot of choices,
15:42you'll gradually get a flat awareness.
15:48Mr. Harada,
15:49do you have any other problems
15:52with communicating with people?
15:55When I meet people several times,
15:57I feel like the hurdle is getting higher.
15:59Every time I meet someone,
16:01I feel like I'm being criticized by the other person.
16:06Every time I go home,
16:09I reflect on myself and go home.
16:12I wonder if I did something wrong.
16:14I ask myself that.
16:18I wonder if I was okay.
16:20I see.
16:21Ms. Tano, do you have any problems?
16:22I can't say what I want to say.
16:27For example,
16:28when I go out to eat Korean food with four people,
16:32three people like spicy food.
16:34I don't like spicy food,
16:36but everyone likes it.
16:38I see.
16:39I don't like spicy food,
16:42so I ask them to make it three.
16:45But I don't think it's good for both of us.
16:48I see.
16:49Ms. Tano doesn't like it even if it's three.
16:51I think it's spicy.
16:53For people who want to eat five,
16:54three is a little mild.
16:56It's like no one is happy.
16:59Maybe it's better not to participate in it.
17:01If it were three of us,
17:03we might have been able to eat spicy food.
17:05It's pretty negative,
17:07but I can't say what I want to say.
17:09I see.
17:10You need to confirm.
17:11Is it spicy?
17:12I don't like spicy food.
17:14Then I might bother you.
17:16That's right.
17:17You need to confirm in advance.
17:20It seems to be settled.
17:24Is there anything you don't like about Yoshino-kun?
17:26I'm very...
17:30I want to tell him that it's very important
17:33to make his boundaries a language.
17:38It's also being streamed on VIVA and Hulu.
17:40We are also waiting for your favorite registration.
17:43We are looking for your concerns.
17:46It's hard to say to your family and friends,
17:48but if you have any concerns you want to consult with women,
17:51please contact us.
17:53Is there anything you don't like about Yoshino-kun?
17:55People think that LDH people drink a lot.
17:59But I'm very weak.
18:02I'm LDH, so I drink a lot.
18:05I'm often made to drink with me.
18:09But I really can't drink.
18:11You drink without saying anything?
18:14Yes, as a man.
18:17It's embarrassing.
18:18I can't drink.
18:19This is also distorted, isn't it?
18:21That's right.
18:22It should be like this.
18:25It's not like,
18:26I'm sorry, I'm LDH, but I can't drink.
18:31It's not like that.
18:33I'll do it.
18:34What do you think, Yamada-sensei?
18:36Do you have any advice for people who are worried about communication?
18:40In communication,
18:43there are many people who try to change the bad side of the other person.
18:47It's easier to correct the way you communicate,
18:50the way you convey, and the way you perceive things.
18:54Also, as a premise,
18:56it's important to keep in mind that everyone has a cognitive distortion.
19:01Don't ask too much of the other person.
19:04Also, it's very important to convey your feelings and boundaries in a proper language.
19:12That's what I want to tell you.
19:14Yoshino-kun will give you the news.
19:16The movie will be released on January 31st.
19:20The true nature of the classmates who are exposed to the story of a certain student,
19:24as well as the passionate truth attached to them.
19:27Please enjoy the movie at the theater.
19:32Next time, it's a night to think about women's crisis management.
19:36I'm on the main train, and the train opens.
19:40I don't get off,
19:41but as soon as I got off, I felt something in my chest.
19:45Look forward to it.