Alamin ang kahalagahan ng pagiging emotionally ready at timing sa pagbuo ng isang seryosong relasyon
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NewsTranscript
00:00We have an interesting metaphor to understand the importance of being emotionally ready and timing in building a serious relationship.
00:09And to understand and understand the taxicab metaphor, or what they call taxicab theory,
00:16we will be joined by Zoom by psychologist and content creator, Rian Portuguese.
00:22Good morning and welcome Rian here in Rise and Shine Philippines.
00:26Hi Rian, welcome back to us.
00:28Thank you everyone, hello.
00:30At your millennial site on TikTok, welcome back to RSP, Rian.
00:34Alright, to understand more, what is this taxicab metaphor?
00:39What does this theory mean, Rian?
00:44For those who are listening, this is clearly a metaphor, it's not scientific.
00:50It came from a popular series, Sex and the City,
00:53where men are asked, just like in a taxi, when they are available,
01:00you will know when their lights are turned on or off.
01:04So it has something to do with whether they are committed to being available,
01:09or if this is the time for them.
01:11So we can see that in popular social media.
01:15Based on the metaphor, a taxicab has lights.
01:20When will you know if a person is available and ready for a serious relationship?
01:29Thank you so much for the question.
01:31What I will share is not necessarily connected to the taxicab theory.
01:36Because there are things that are said there,
01:39that if a person is available, just like in a taxi,
01:45you will know when their lights are turned on or off.
01:51So if a person is willing to help them, they will be welcomed.
01:56It's like that in the taxicab theory.
01:58But in general, in a healthy relationship,
02:01we can say that a person is available when he is ready to commit.
02:05When we say commitment, it's inclusive that he has time and he is available.
02:12And when we say that he is available or ready to commit,
02:16it also means that there is a risk that he might get hurt.
02:20But because he is ready to commit,
02:23he has more hope or a positive outlook on what will happen in the relationship.
02:28So he will take a risk for that person, for the possibility that they will be together.
02:34So when you are ready to get hurt,
02:36we can say that you are available or you have time or you can commit to a relationship.
02:43So we can say that you are emotionally ready.
02:47Okay, so Rhian, what you're saying is that,
02:49what is the timing?
02:51It's not really necessary if I'm ready,
02:54this is who I will marry or what.
02:56The decision that you are committed to the relationship is important.
03:00Yeah, yes.
03:02So that's what we are looking at,
03:04the decision of this person,
03:06if he will be with her,
03:09he can see that they have the same values,
03:11there is a shared commitment, there is a shared values.
03:14So we can see that.
03:16So the toxic love metaphor,
03:18that is really being criticized,
03:22because it's like the metaphor that is spreading on social media,
03:25it's like they are trying to convince that,
03:27for example, they are in a long-term relationship.
03:31Then that person who is not in a relationship,
03:34who is looking for a new person,
03:36he will marry her right away.
03:38So they say that it's a toxic love theory,
03:40because whoever is available at that time, he will marry her.
03:42But that's why it's being criticized,
03:44because it's like you didn't give a chance to a person,
03:47it's like the judgment of a person,
03:49that he got married to a person who is available at that time,
03:52you feel that he got married because he is available.
03:55But of course, even if you are from a long-term relationship,
03:58because a lot of things happened there,
04:00you can see the difference in a person,
04:03you know yourself, what are the values that you want,
04:06what are the things that you want in a relationship.
04:09That's why sometimes the relationship doesn't work,
04:11no matter how long it is,
04:13if you already have a person,
04:15even if it's not that long,
04:17your relationship is still too much,
04:19but you feel that you are comfortable,
04:21there are shared values, there is a shared commitment,
04:23you visualize it in the future,
04:25even if it hurts the ex of that person,
04:27you still want to marry that person.
04:29So in short, there is a decision that I really like this,
04:31I am available, I have time,
04:33and I can commit for this person.
04:35That's why it's being criticized,
04:37that toxic metaphor,
04:39because it's like,
04:41you don't see the explanation of other people,
04:44why they decide,
04:46to the people they married,
04:48they replaced you.
04:50I still remember the saying,
04:52you're building a man or a woman for another person,
04:55you've been together for a long time,
04:57but he chose a different person in the end.
04:59It's like that.
05:01It happens to celebrities.
05:03Yes, there are many like that.
05:05But to make the explanation more complicated,
05:07and for our viewers to understand better,
05:09can you give us a scenario,
05:11where this metaphor is applicable?
05:19Yes, that's what our host said earlier,
05:21that you are toxic of theory,
05:23that you are toxic of theory,
05:25when,
05:27no matter how long you've been in a relationship,
05:29you didn't finish it,
05:31it's like you built it for another person.
05:33So no matter how long you've been together,
05:35there's a time,
05:37even if there's availability,
05:39or even if you're committing at that time,
05:41when you broke up,
05:43there's another person who came,
05:45that's where he got married.
05:47So they said, that's toxic of theory.
05:49But we don't see the nuances,
05:51of that person getting married to that person,
05:53or committing to the next person.
05:57So toxic of theory,
05:59that's how people see it in social media,
06:01that there's no time,
06:03that there's no availability,
06:05that there's no commitment,
06:07that whoever he feels will replace you,
06:09he will replace you whenever he wants.
06:11So that's their perspective
06:13on toxic of theory.
06:15But we don't evaluate
06:17that kind of metaphor,
06:19because people have their own reasons
06:21on why they commit more.
06:23No matter how long you've been together,
06:25even if you broke up,
06:27even if there's availability,
06:29there's a time,
06:31that he might have seen,
06:33that he might have lost from you,
06:35because there's a time,
06:37what works for you, what doesn't.
06:39So sometimes, long term relationships,
06:41sometimes it doesn't work,
06:43because there are differences,
06:45or there are things that can't be worked out.
06:47So it's not because it didn't work,
06:49that the relationship totally failed.
06:51We can look at it as an opportunity
06:53to see who's the right person for us,
06:55just like how a person found,
06:57for example, your ex,
06:59the right person for him.
07:01So there it is.
07:03There, well explained.
07:05But there are bigger reasons
07:07why I chose this person.
07:09It's not just about timing.
07:11Thank you very much.
07:13Thank you again for joining us
07:15here on Rise and Shine Philippines.
07:17Rianne Portuguesa, our URBANILDIAN PSYCH.