Video Information: 30.12.24, Vedanta: Basics to Classics, Greater Noida
Why Seeking Social Approval is Your Biggest Trap || Acharya Prashant (2024)
Description:
Acharya Prashant addresses the questioner's struggle with social conformity and the fear of losing respect. He explains that people are conditioned from childhood to seek social approval, believing they cannot exist without it. The only way to break free is to challenge this belief and test whether defying social norms truly leads to catastrophic consequences. He urges the questioner to introduce deeper topics, like the Gita, in social discussions and observe the results.
He further emphasizes that true strength comes from devotion to the Truth, not personal effort. Without valuing Truth above all, one remains weak and overly respectful of the world. He stresses the need for "healthy contempt" towards societal conditioning, rejecting false respect, and embracing an unapologetic pursuit of freedom. He warns against armchair spirituality, asserting that real transformation demands discomfort, struggle, and an internal revolution. In the end, he urges immediate action, dismissing the notion of waiting for the "right time."
🎧 Listen to Acharya Prashant on Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/2QmVEAAnsNE7Xs0MW0Li8Y?si=09fbcbc7c99c469b
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~
Why Seeking Social Approval is Your Biggest Trap || Acharya Prashant (2024)
Description:
Acharya Prashant addresses the questioner's struggle with social conformity and the fear of losing respect. He explains that people are conditioned from childhood to seek social approval, believing they cannot exist without it. The only way to break free is to challenge this belief and test whether defying social norms truly leads to catastrophic consequences. He urges the questioner to introduce deeper topics, like the Gita, in social discussions and observe the results.
He further emphasizes that true strength comes from devotion to the Truth, not personal effort. Without valuing Truth above all, one remains weak and overly respectful of the world. He stresses the need for "healthy contempt" towards societal conditioning, rejecting false respect, and embracing an unapologetic pursuit of freedom. He warns against armchair spirituality, asserting that real transformation demands discomfort, struggle, and an internal revolution. In the end, he urges immediate action, dismissing the notion of waiting for the "right time."
🎧 Listen to Acharya Prashant on Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/2QmVEAAnsNE7Xs0MW0Li8Y?si=09fbcbc7c99c469b
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00But Acharya ji, then a thought comes to my mind very often that I should, as I am preparing for this entrance exam, that I should quit it and join a foundation or contribute.
00:30And you can just stroll into the foundation. You can clear the UPSC, but the foundation entrance exam, you won't be able to clear. It's a very, very tough...
00:38You meant that, sir. First of all, admit that. I want to join the foundation. Go and tell them I want to join the IAS from tomorrow. Can I come?
00:49How should I go ahead?
00:54Just turn around.
01:01Shri Duryodhan ji...
01:10You cannot say Krishan ji and Duryodhan ji in the same breath. If you respect Krishan and Duryodhan equally, then you respect only Duryodhan.
01:18And that's the reason behind your weakness. You have to learn to disrespect people. That's neti neti. That's how the whole thing starts.
01:26Withdraw your respect. Withdraw these regards.
01:35Namaste Acharya ji. My name is Abhishek. I first interacted with you in a virtual discussion at IIT Kharagpur when I was in my final year in 2022.
01:48Thereafter, I joined All Electric as a product manager. But in that company, I understood I don't want to be here. So I switched to an early stage startup.
02:01And from that startup, I came here to now preparing for UPSC from last 4-5 months.
02:08During my journey, one thing I understood at every point was that I don't want to be here. So I just moved on to the next thing I could see that will be better for me.
02:20The problem, the major question that I have been facing from all these experiences whatever I had is that I have a nature of conforming to a social setup.
02:37Why do I need to conform in a social group to take work even if I go more so that I can take social prestige from them.
02:47So to cite an example, if in a group of discussion, if I have to talk about something which is secular or which is general, in general, let's suppose climate change or politics or society.
02:58I will go, oppose, I will defend, I will put my point forward, I will do every kind of these kind of things.
03:04But when it comes to the topics that are very near to me, let's suppose I am a Gita student from last few months, several months.
03:13If I have to talk about it, I have to talk about philosophy of life, talk about relationship of mind, talk about anything which is very intricate.
03:21I hesitate, I hesitate and I just want to conform. Okay, I know that I am pretending but still I will pretend in that situation.
03:31When I come back, I see that I have pretended, conformed just to seek the prestige of the group that I am someone good enough.
03:41I have not challenged their notion or the particular notion. I keep giving myself one or other reasons, delusions so to say.
03:51Second part of it is delusions that everything will happen at the right time, will have its own process.
03:59So I don't need to put it right now, maybe later I will do it, maybe in due course of time I will be able to do it.
04:07For example, I had thoughts of contributing to the foundation or contributing in the work around what your teachings are.
04:17But the one reason I keep finding myself giving is that I will do it after my mains exam, after my this exam, after my date exam.
04:26So two important questions I am facing challenges with.
04:31One is the issue of social prestige and social conformity to be a good boy or to be a respectable person.
04:39The second is how do I found my these delusions and counter these if I am thinking in the right direction.
04:46That's the way one is born and educated and brought up.
04:51You are made to think that you can exist only with social approval.
04:58It's very simple. There is no great secret here.
05:03So you have been told that you need to have these supports, crutches, sanctions and only then you can remain in one piece.
05:18Else something unthinkable, devastating will happen.
05:26Because you are born small and when you are educated and conditioned, you are still small and also quite helpless.
05:38You buy into all these things.
05:42There is a childish innocence. You believe into what all these elders are telling you and they have continuously told you.
05:52When the others approve of you, then you are a good boy. You are still that child wanting to be a good boy. Nothing else.
06:00Nothing else.
06:02Now how to challenge it? It's simple.
06:07The argument was, if you do not conform to them, then something absolutely apocalyptic will happen.
06:16Check whether it happens. Challenge them. That's all.
06:21You were told that if you throw these crutches away, you won't be able to walk at all. Check that.
06:30Maybe a little experiment. Maybe one step at a time.
06:39What holds you back is the fear that something very devastating will happen to you.
06:48Check that belief. Inquire. Is that really happening?
06:54Next time they are talking about random rubbish, introduce the Gita. You will be afraid. You are doing it for the first time.
07:05But see whether something as cataclysmic as your apprehensions really happens.
07:18When that won't happen, then you will realize you have been fooled.
07:28The trouble is, we have just too much respect for those who have fooled us for so long.
07:34We don't want to admit that in the name of love, care, security and education, we were exploited and fooled.
07:44We don't want to admit that.
07:52And we have no resistance against those who exploited and fooled us continuously.
07:59And we have no resistance against those who exploited and fooled us continuously.
08:07Instead of them, we have resistance against the one who is trying to liberate us currently.
08:14So much resistance that we cannot even utter his name in a social setting.
08:29If you have to be angry, why not be angry at those who conditioned you?
08:37If you have to be ashamed, why not be ashamed of those who continuously exploited you in the name of love, care relationship?
08:49No, but you are angry at and ashamed of the one who is telling you that you have been exploited.
08:58You are alright with the one who exploited you.
09:00You are not alright with the one who is telling you that you have been exploited.
09:05And you are not alright, let's say with me.
09:10So you cannot utter my name in the society.
09:13What have I done?
09:17I am only telling you that you have been exploited.
09:23Why be angry at me? Go and be angry at those who exploited you.
09:29Or prove to me that I am uttering nonsense.
09:33Prove to me that they have indeed been your well wishers, your friends, your whatever.
09:45Otherwise it is a strange situation.
09:48The doctor is telling you that you have bacteria that need to be killed and you kill the doctor.
09:58You kill the doctor for telling you that you have bacteria that need to be killed.
10:07You are not ashamed of the bacteria.
10:08You are carrying them all the day, all over, not ashamed of the bacteria at all, not ashamed of carrying them.
10:21But you are very embarrassed of the source that brings you your pathology report.
10:37Why the hell are you telling me I am sick?
10:40Don't tell me I am sick.
10:44As if not telling you that you are sick would heal you.
10:51Think of the irony.
10:55Somebody has been exploiting you.
10:57You are not angry at that person.
10:59Somebody tells you that you are being exploited.
11:02You are mad at that person.
11:06What kind of ethics or logic or whatever is this?
11:15I will tell you where your hesitation comes from.
11:18You still believe that you won't be able to walk without crutches.
11:27So I invite you.
11:29I exhort you.
11:31Keep the crutches aside for a while and try a few steps.
11:36Check it for yourself.
11:39But irrespective of my advice, you won't try that.
11:43That's why.
11:44That's why.
11:47It has been said that sometimes physical nearness is important.
11:51Once I wrote that you have to be in the slapping distance of the Guru.
11:55No, I am not a Guru.
12:01Sometimes when you are not prepared to throw your crutches away,
12:06you need someone who can forcibly take your crutches away
12:09and kick you hard from the behind.
12:13And order.
12:15Now run.
12:19You won't do it on your own.
12:24I may keep telling you.
12:30Those who are with me.
12:32Sometimes I wonder why did I need to kick them.
12:36Sometimes I wonder have I kicked them enough.
12:47You don't need my reply.
12:50You need my...
12:54which unfortunately cannot be delivered electronically.
13:07You will remain like this all your life.
13:13You will die like this at 70, 80, 90.
13:18Perfectly socially amiable.
13:21Perfectly conditioned.
13:23Known as perfect gentleman.
13:28You know he is such a nice fellow.
13:30Never hurts anybody.
13:32You need him.
13:33This fellow never hurts anybody.
13:36You need to hurt the free people.
13:39You need to kick some ass.
13:51Are you getting it?
13:55How does it feel?
14:01Does it hurt?
14:04Not enough.
14:05You are not getting it.
14:09I have a solid kick.
14:10It hurts.
14:12It isn't hurting.
14:13You are not getting it.
14:16I understand this thing that I have to break down from this fear again.
14:24It's not only about...
14:27I understood the part that this is the conditioning I have been in.
14:32For the perfectly...
14:34Sir, conditioning is not just something that you comprehend from your brain.
14:40It is something that penetrates every cell of your body.
14:44It becomes physical.
14:47It becomes bodily.
14:48Then it has to be physically challenged.
14:54Sitting here like an intellectual, you can say,
14:56Yes, I understand conditioning needs to be challenged and all that.
14:59And tomorrow you will go back to your office and behave in exactly the same way.
15:05Intellectual comprehension doesn't help.
15:10You need tremendous love.
15:13Or a tremendously loving one.
15:17Either that love should arise from your own being
15:20or you require someone around you who loves you so much that he is prepared to kick you hard.
15:30Irrespective of how you would react.
15:33And irrespective of what damage you can cause in return.
15:41Otherwise, you will just keep saying,
15:42Yes, yes, yes, I know exploitation is bad.
15:46Yes, yes, yes.
15:49Armchair spirituality.
15:52Freedom is an explosion.
15:57Spirituality is not for people who want to have composed faces.
16:02It tears you apart.
16:04It makes you look like an idiot.
16:08It makes you feel as if you are absolutely naked in front of everybody.
16:13Liberation doesn't come without an internal earthquake.
16:22Those who want to live balanced and respectable lives, liberation is not for them.
16:29It is not for them.
16:32It is not for them.
16:35It is not for them.
16:38It is not for them.
16:40It is not for them.
16:48One passes through tears.
16:49One passes through deep heartaches.
16:56One passes through great abominations.
16:59One feels like burying his head in shame.
17:04One has to go through all this.
17:05That is the process of challenging what one has become.
17:10You cannot have your respectability and sit like a gentleman and say,
17:19Yes, I am learning the Gita.
17:24The rubber has to meet the road.
17:31One has to experience the heat, the fire, the dust,
17:35the insults, the rejections,
17:44whatever exists within that is vulnerable to be destroyed.
17:49One has to go through the pain of letting it be destroyed.
17:56As long as you carry vulnerable stuff within you, you will be afraid.
18:02Anybody can attack you.
18:06But Acharyaji, then a thought comes to my mind very often
18:11that I should, as I am preparing for this entrance exam,
18:15that I should quit it and join a foundation or contribute.
18:35It has a prolonged entrance process and you can just stroll into the foundation.
18:43You can clear the UPSC, but the foundation entrance exam, you won't be able to clear.
18:49It's a very, very tough.
18:50You meant that, sir.
18:52First of all, admit that.
18:53I want to join the foundation.
18:54Go and tell them I want to join the IAS from tomorrow.
18:58Can I come?
19:00I admit it.
19:03See how far it goes.
19:07Look at the balance of respect.
19:10And it is this imbalance that is causing you all kinds of trouble.
19:15You have just too much respect for the world and too little respect for the truth.
19:20And that is why you hesitate uttering the truth in front of the world.
19:25So much respect for the world.
19:26I am preparing for a great entrance exam.
19:29I am thinking of joining the foundation.
19:32I will come tomorrow at 2.30 pm.
19:38So much respect there and so little here.
19:42That's why you will suffer.
19:47How does the kick feel?
19:48I am just beginning.
19:56Yes.
20:00How should I go ahead?
20:05Just turn around.
20:13I don't know what kind of.
20:17I meant a turnaround.
20:20Like a corporate turnaround.
20:22A life turnaround.
20:30So how should I take this turnaround?
20:34Just take this.
20:38But how?
20:51I cannot teach you how to love.
20:54I cannot teach you how to have a relationship.
20:56I cannot teach you how to love.
20:58I cannot teach you how to have a heart.
21:01If you are a man.
21:08Why do you want a method?
21:19You spoke to me earlier as well.
21:21You are a student.
21:23You are an ITN.
21:25You understand things.
21:26Basic IQ you have.
21:28What you lack is a heart.
21:32And that's not something I can give to you.
21:37You have to decide to live by your heart.
21:49I repeat.
21:51Freedom and truth are not for those who care about their reputation.
22:07You are preparing so hard for something.
22:10That I kicked aside and came here.
22:15And then you say, you know, I'll just come here.
22:20But everybody can come here.
22:26This is higher than any of the aspirations you can have.
22:30This is higher than any of those in your circle.
22:34When you will see that, then you will naturally experience no hesitation.
22:43In being truthful to them.
22:45Right now you see them as very powerful.
22:50You see yourself as relatively weak.
22:52And that is obvious.
22:54Because no man has any strength.
22:58The strength that a man has comes from his devotion to the source of strength.
23:05Since the source of strength, no person can have any strength.
23:12And if you do not respect the source of strength.
23:16You will not get any strength.
23:18And you will continuously keep feeling weak in front of everybody.
23:23There is nothing called personal strength.
23:26All the strength that a person has comes from his devotion to that which you can call as the truth, liberation, freedom, the highest, whatever.
23:42If you find yourself weak in this or that area of life.
23:48It is not your personal weakness.
23:50Personally everybody is anyway weak.
23:53If you find yourself weak here or there.
23:56It is because you are disloyal to the truth.
24:00The truth is the only source of strength to any person.
24:07And how does that strength come to one?
24:10It comes when you value the truth more than anything else.
24:14When you respect the truth more than anything else.
24:26If you have listened to me, I have repeatedly used a phrase.
24:30Healthy contempt.
24:32A young person must have healthy contempt towards the world.
24:37And that healthy contempt is possible only when first of all.
24:40You have deep love for what is real.
24:47Otherwise you will keep bowing your head to this and that.
24:51Everybody would be a sir or a G to you.
24:58Just everybody.
25:07One of you wrote on the community.
25:09That something very amusing is happening these days.
25:12Acharya ji goes and speaks to anybody on a podcast.
25:18And he is doing that because he needs to go places.
25:23To address audiences who would otherwise not listen to him.
25:27He says people from our community.
25:29Then go to those YouTube videos and suppose let's say what?
25:32Some name.
25:33Give me some random name.
25:34Rekha.
25:36Some Rekha has interviewed Acharya ji.
25:40So our community members would go there and write.
25:54Anything is respectable.
25:57Anything is respectable.
25:58Whereas it is quite possible that Acharya ji is going to Rekha ji exactly because she is not respectable.
26:04And therefore all the not respectable ones would be found on her channel.
26:10To make them respectable I am going there.
26:14But for people, gentle people, respectable people like our people.
26:19Everybody is respectable.
26:21Shri Duryodhan ji.
26:34You cannot say Krishan ji and Duryodhan ji in the same breath.
26:40If you respect Krishan and Duryodhan equally then you respect only Duryodhan.
26:44If you respect Krishan and Duryodhan equally then you respect only Duryodhan.
26:51And that's the reason behind your weakness.
26:55You have to learn to disrespect people.
26:58That's neti neti.
27:00That's how the whole thing starts.
27:02Withdraw your respect.
27:04Withdraw these regards.
27:09Even a criminal can attain liberation.
27:12But not someone who wants to be respected by the society.
27:22Simple.
27:23Okay.
27:41I will take steps to withdraw from now on.
27:48Start.
27:50Okay.
27:53Let's see.
28:03Come, come, come.
28:20Forget right path.
28:22Forget right path.
28:24Kick away the wrong one.
28:29Right, right.
28:30Enough is enough.
28:35Badass.
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