Since Fyre Festival Is Coming Back. Or Isn't.

If Music Festivals Were Honest. #shorts #musicfestival #coachella #fyrefestival #livemusic #funny #parody #comedy #youtubeshorts

Transcript

00:00Doesn't this look like something resembling fun, music, the outdoors, spending money twirling

00:07around these shiny sticks of poisonous bullsh**?

00:10What if I told you that you could do this for 48 hours straight in an inhospitable field

00:16or desert or parking lot with little to no food or water?

00:21Sounds terrible.

00:22I'll bet you three to four hundred dollars you'll come to see a handful of bands you

00:26kind of heard of this year at Hortfest.

00:30Dude, I don't have that kind of money.

00:32Of course you don't.

00:33You're a young person.

00:34But that's the price of a general admission ticket at most major music festivals anyway.

00:39And because my generation did such a good job convincing you that Woodstock was cool

00:44and somehow important, when we became capitalists, we turned these noise traps into a multi-million

00:50dollar industry.

00:51Sellout.

00:54Of course, you can choose to pay me the hilariously expensive ticket price in potentially manageable

00:59chunks.

01:00I don't care.

01:01I get my money anyway.

01:03Just make sure to buy stuff while you're stuck inside.

01:07That's the important part.

01:08You see, when I partnered with my buddies over at Potable Chemical Company to sponsor

01:13Hortfest, our main responsibility became locking you into my music-themed maze and forcing

01:19you to buy their products.

01:20And nobody buys products better than rich people do.

01:24Young people are just kind of okay at it.

01:26We mostly needed the youths to make going to my sponsored crowd pit look like a cool

01:30act of defiance before beginning to price them out entirely.

01:34And after all, isn't three quarters of your rent a small price to pay for all that fun

01:40you'll have once you're surrounded by other fellow millennial cattle in my noise and drug

01:45farm?

01:47Once you're there, you'll be free to listen to music you want in between doing things

01:51like waiting in line for a port-a-potty, getting shoved by strangers, and taking in

01:56all the cultural appropriation and mystery pills your rotting brain cells can handle.