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FunTranscript
00:00Where's Christine?
00:02In the shower.
00:04Oh, by the way, where did you get that loofah mitt?
00:06Yours reaches places that mine just won't.
00:12You used my loofah?
00:14More precisely,
00:16we used your loofah.
00:18I exfoliated her brains out.
00:22You can keep that too.
00:24Ah, well, then we'll probably
00:26need to talk about your stuffed bear collection.
00:30Howard?
00:32In here, m'lady.
00:34Mmm, there's my little engine
00:36that could.
00:38Chicka-chicka-chicka-chicka-chicka.
00:40Mmm.
00:42Well, there's one beloved children's book I'll never read again.
00:46All right, where are these amazing
00:48shrimp?
00:50Behold!
00:52Seriously, you think
00:54this is the size of a baby's arm?
00:56A little baby?
01:00I'm going back to the room.
01:02Boy, would it maybe kill them
01:04to put out a nice brisket?
01:16Hi there,
01:18Howard Wolowitz.
01:20Esther Rosenblatt.
01:26Turn-ons.
01:30Let me see.
01:32Reading a good book in front of the fire,
01:34long walks on the beach,
01:36and getting freaky on the
01:38Sabbath with a bacon cheeseburger.
01:44Really? Me too!
01:48Boy, Gavalt, you're hot.
01:52Yeah.
01:54Excuse me for a moment.
02:00Hey, how's it going?
02:02Cut the crap, you set this up, didn't you?
02:04Yes.
02:06She's a hooker, isn't she?
02:08A prostitute, yes.
02:12You already gave her the money?
02:14Yes.
02:18So what do you guys do?
02:20Oh, you know, goth
02:22stuff, goth magazines,
02:24goth music, goth food.
02:26What's goth food?
02:30Blackened salmon?
02:34No, I meant what do you do for jobs?
02:36We're scientists.
02:38Yeah, you know, the dark sciences.
02:40What are the dark sciences?
02:44Well, I am an astrophysicist
02:46and a lot of that takes place at night
02:48at night
02:50when there are vampires
02:52and miscellaneous undead out and about.
02:56Oy vey.
02:58That sounds really cool.
03:00Does it?
03:02Okay, if you like space stuff,
03:04I design components for the International Space Station,
03:06which is in space,
03:08where, as I'm sure you know, no one can hear you scream.
03:14So what do you guys do?
03:16I work at the Gap.
03:18Really? How about that? I've been to the Gap.
03:20I've been there as well.
03:22I like your T-shirts with the little pocket.
03:24I work there too.
03:26Not that anyone cares.
03:30You know, this place is boring.
03:32Yeah.
03:34Why don't we go somewhere else and have some fun?
03:36Okay.
03:38Sure.
03:40We are fun people.
03:42Dark and fun.
03:44This is not a place you'll really dig.
03:48Did you bring the black condoms?
03:50Here's my fanny pack.
03:52Let's go.
04:00Are you happy now?
04:04Not particularly.
04:08That was close.
04:10God, I love the smell of paintballs in the morning.
04:14Yeah, still funny, Raj.
04:18There's no way we can get to the Ridge.
04:20The chemistry department has us completely cut off.
04:22What about the creek bed?
04:24The pharmacology department controls that,
04:26and they're all hopped up on experimental steroids.
04:28That's it, then. We're doomed.
04:30I think the time has come to acknowledge
04:32that we are paying the price for some of us
04:34failing to attend my physics department
04:36paintball strategy meeting.
04:38My mom has spider veins.
04:40I had to take her to the laser clinic.
04:44And I told you
04:46I wanted to see a doctor's note.
04:48We need a plan.
04:50How about Operation Hammer of the Gods?
04:52I forget. Which one is Hammer of the Gods?
04:54We hide behind the dumpsters in the parking lot
04:56and ambush people when they come to pee.
04:58No, girl.
05:00The dumpsters are deep in astronomy department territory.
05:02It shouldn't be a problem. Venus is up during the day.
05:04They're probably just all staring at the sky.
05:06All right.
05:08What we need now is a tactical retreat.
05:10Did you see the episode of Stargate
05:12where they found themselves on a planet with a culture
05:14based loosely on Earth, Athens, and Sparta?
05:16Not important.
05:18Leonard, Raj, and I
05:20are going to burst out the door and run away.
05:22Howard will cover us.
05:24Why don't I run away and you cover me?
05:26Because you chose your mother's veins over victory.
05:28On three.
05:30One, two, three, go!
05:32Ah!
05:34I had to take her!
05:36It's almost bathing zoo weather!
05:42Ah!
05:44I surrendered, don't shoot! They went that way!
05:48Howard, I'm on your team.
05:50Oh, Leslie, thank God.
05:54Where's the rest of your squad?
05:56They left me here to die.
05:58What about yours?
06:00I had all of them.
06:02Sorry.
06:04Don't be. It was friendly fire.
06:08They just wouldn't listen.
06:12Well, we're surrounded.
06:14So I guess there's nothing for us to do
06:16but wait to be captured or killed.
06:20That's the worst part.
06:22The waiting.
06:24All the while knowing that there's a paint pellet
06:26out there with your name on it.
06:28Yeah.
06:30The big, wet ball of death.
06:36Kind of makes you feel more alive, doesn't it?
06:40Kind of does.
06:44I say we make every moment count.
06:46I agree.
06:48How exactly do we do that?
06:54Howard, why are you covering us?
06:56We're getting slaughtered out here!
06:58War is hell.
07:02When I look at the two of you
07:04starting your lives together,
07:06it fills my heart.
07:08It fills my heart.
07:12Okay, I'm gonna need a minute.
07:14Okay, I'll go.
07:16Howard and Bernadette,
07:18I know you two plan on getting married
07:20in a big, fancy wedding.
07:22But when you're in love,
07:24it doesn't matter where or how these things happen.
07:26It just matters that you have each other.
07:30Hmm.
07:34Problem?
07:36No.
07:38I think the Reverend Hofstadter
07:40is making an ironic connection
07:42between your statement about love
07:44and your rejection of his proposal
07:46in the bedroom.
07:48Oh, grow up.
07:50Hey, I didn't say it.
07:52I'm ending it.
07:54Bernadette,
07:56I want to thank you
07:58for allowing me to be your maid of honor.
08:00I also want you to know
08:02that I will be happy to do it again
08:04if this marriage craps out.
08:08Thank you, Amy.
08:10Very touching.
08:14Howard and Bernadette,
08:16you are lucky enough to be best friends
08:18who love each other.
08:20That's the strongest kind of love
08:22because at its core, it has kindness,
08:24patience, and respect.
08:28Qualities that are hard
08:30to find in people these days.
08:36Would you like some aloe vera?
08:38You just got burned.
08:44All right, my turn.
08:46Howard,
08:48Bernadette,
08:50Dakhdajmokha.
08:52Dakhdajmokha.
08:54Sheldon, I told you to cling on.
09:00Fine, I'll do it in English,
09:02but it loses something.
09:06The need to find another human being
09:08to share one's life with
09:10has always puzzled me.
09:14Maybe because I am so interesting all by myself.
09:18With that being said,
09:20may you find as much happiness with each other
09:22as I find on my own.
09:26The cling-on would have made you cry.
09:30I believe you two have prepared vows.
09:36Howard Joel Wolowitz,
09:38like you, this is going to be
09:40short and sweet.
09:44I love you with all my heart and soul
09:46and I promise to be with you forever.
09:54Bernadette Marianne Rostenkowski.
09:56Speak up!
09:58From now on,
10:00she's the only woman who can yell at me!
10:06Until I met you,
10:08I couldn't imagine
10:10spending my life with
10:12just one person.
10:14And now,
10:16I can't imagine spending
10:18one day of it without you.
10:22By the power vested in us
10:24by the state of California
10:26and the Cling-On High Council,
10:30we now pronounce you
10:32husband and wife!
10:44Congratulations!