MRI Scan Day & Feeling Numb *Cancer Journey 2025* - video Dailymotion

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Transcript

00:00Good morning my loving Tiffany Thinks family, I am here super early at the hospital, I have

00:09an MRI scan, this was booked quite quickly actually so let's get this done, I need to

00:15look for parking.

00:16My appointment is at half past 8 but I'm here and it's 8 o'clock, I left early just because

00:21I thought right, I couldn't sleep last night, any time I have kind of an appointment early

00:27I worry about being late so yeah I'm here super early, loads of car parking spots, yeah

00:34I was just saying I'm glad actually that this is an early appointment because you can't

00:41eat and I don't want to wait around all day not eating so let me park up here.

00:50When the hospital appointments later it's like your whole day you're waiting for the

00:54appointment you're just constantly thinking about it whereas when it's kind of fuss thing

00:58in the morning you just get it done you know it's a tick tick tick.

01:02I also have an appointment to clean my PICC line so we'll get both we'll get the MRI done

01:08first and then we'll get the PICC line cleaned and that's a big tick tick tick.

01:13When you have a PICC line you have to have it cleaned once a week and so that's being

01:19done today I'm so tired I'm actually very tired do you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna

01:27take I just realized I've left my jewelry on I'll take my earrings off here but I'll

01:33keep my ring on because I don't want to leave it that in the car I forgot to take my I should

01:38have taken my jewelry off at home that's okay also it was so nice I don't know if you watched

01:45my last video it was so nice to spend time with my nephew I feel like I really needed that for my

01:51heart just so happy that I got to be with him I feel like you know when it's summer I guess we

01:57can do more sleepovers when he's kind of on his holidays and it's kind of hard to kind of do

02:03weekends because he's busy he's a busy boy as well and I'm like it just depends on what's going on

02:10with me so it was nice to be able to kind of do that with him and it was quite spontaneous as well

02:17it wasn't kind of planned which is kind of what works for me sometimes when you plan it things

02:21happen I have appointments I don't feel well and then I don't like letting people down especially

02:27my nephew because he's so young I don't want to kind of say oh yes I'll come this day and then

02:32not be there so it was nice to kind of do spontaneous sleepover I think once the chemo

02:37and everything is over I'm gonna do more spontaneous sleepovers that's what it's

02:42going to be called spontaneous sleepovers so there's no pressure I always check to see if

02:50the car was locked it was locked I parked here by the oak center because I have the MRI which is on

02:56the other building you know where I used to park but then the pick line clean is around the oak

03:01center so then I thought I'll do the MRI come and have the pick line clean and then come straight to

03:06the car I don't know if that makes any sense I guess it won't make sense if you don't know the

03:11layout of the hospital I left my aquaphor in my bag I'm just gonna use a little bit of the

03:18rare beauty lip gloss I haven't had an MRI scan in a while I really out of all the scans I really

03:30don't like the MRI do you know what it is I don't know how long you've been on my channel but

03:35there was a time where I vomited inside the MRI machine and I think because of that I link I just

03:42don't like the MRI and I feel like you know the CT scan and the PET scan I feel like you've got

03:49more space in the machine whereas the MRI you're really really close and you feel really stuck and

03:58it takes a long time as well so but it needs to be done it needs to be done and then I don't need

04:03to think about it I haven't had an MRI in a while so let's get this done and I don't feel sick so

04:12I shouldn't I won't vomit but it's just because it's happened before so hopefully I don't need

04:16to drink anything I didn't think I don't think I need to drink anything I don't think it's that

04:21one I think it's just an MRI I think that's why I don't like MRI machines because of the fact that

04:29I vomited in it and you feel so I remember just vomiting I felt so bad because I pressed the

04:35button but I couldn't control it and so I vomited in the machine and I felt so bad that I had done

04:42that but no don't need to think about that today don't need to think about that and that's not

04:48gonna happen today let's go and get this done and what time is it yeah let's just go in early do

04:54know why they might kind of just sign me in and it's not that early you know let's go in

05:05I have an appointment today Tiffany thank you so much thank you

05:17yeah I've never had cancer of the adrenal gland no no you're in room attention and

05:25maybe have the possible time before yes yes my vision is so blurry

05:47my vision is very blurry because they do the busker pan injection but at least the MRI scans

05:53done now so on to the PICC line clean the busker pan injection makes your mouth all dry and vision

06:01blurry but by the time the PICC line is all clean I'll be okay to drive I'm good how are you

06:17I'm gonna rush into the car because I feel like it's gonna stop it is raining a little bit but

06:33yes PICC line done MRI scan done tick tick tick I am glad it was a morning appointment because it

06:43just means that I'm not spending the whole day in the hospital I'm going to Amaz now I am now

06:51going to Amaz house my mouth is super dry because of the busker pan my visions back to normal they

06:58gave me a busker pan injection which makes everything blurry and my mouth super dry I'm

07:04ready to go to Amaz and drink some hot water so excited because my sister my brother-in-law and

07:10my little niece is at Amaz I am very hungry and Amaz says she's making rice and curry so I'm

07:17gonna have that for lunch and that's okay do you know what I'm so so hungry that because you know

07:24before the MRI you're not allowed to eat and I don't usually eat first thing in the morning

07:28anyways but now your girl needs food you know when I have the MRI oh that scan takes so long

07:38and you're kind of stuck in this little area and you feel so I'm glad it's done I'm so so glad you

07:45know for me out of all the scans the MRI for me is the worst I don't mind the CT scan PET scan is a

07:53little bit long you know waiting around for the radioactive dye to work but the MRI no matter how

07:59many I've had done I just yeah I can't get my head around it it just gives me like even when they put

08:04their headphones things on and I'm like oh I feel really stuck but I'm glad it's done it's it's one

08:11of those things you know it has to be done I always say this you know whenever I feel a bit

08:14like about the scans I always think this is the only way the doctors know what's going on if the

08:21chemo is working what's going on with the other parts of the body so you have I have to have a

08:28scan you know I don't really have a choice it's either don't have the scan and not know what's

08:33going on the only option is to have the scan done and then the doctors can read the results

08:39and see what the next step is and find out what's going on in my body and it's just one of those

08:45things I have to have it done and also it's not the worst you know it's not the worst just lying

08:52down and I just get really in my thoughts when you're in the machine is when you're having a

08:58scan done that's when you're them for me anyways that's when I'm the most emotional and I think

09:02about all my loved ones and I think I really pray as well inside the machine I pray so hard

09:07and I get really emotional because I'm so much in my thoughts because I know that these scans tell

09:13tell the doctors what's going on and then they tell me what's going on so it is important it

09:19is so important to have these scans done but it doesn't make it easier it really doesn't it's

09:26just that's done now it's done I don't even think about it for a while and I'm good I'm good I'm so

09:36happy that my family I'm gonna see my family see my little niece give her a little squeeze you know

09:41when I was having the scan the machine tells you so it says breathe in breathe out hold your breath

09:49and I couldn't hold my breath for so long you know I've had two lung ablations right so I was like

09:54breathe in breathe out and then hold your breath and then I was like I can't cough and then I'm

10:00like hold it again it was just yeah so I hope the results come back okay I did really try because

10:06they say hold it hold your breath I need to do more breathing exercises because I need to kind of

10:12work on my lungs here you go that's for you mama has cooked so much I did give Ella some sweeties

10:26but mama said you should have waited till after she had her lunch but she's eating away

10:32my husband cooking since morning so we've got some prawn curry some lentil some fried food here

10:53and we've got some some putter we've got some curry we've got some rice that's an yellow yellow

11:05that's yellow what color is that Ella yellow good girl don't laugh I know it's March but we're

11:15watching the Grinch she loves it I love it so it's fine to be honest Grinch is something you

11:23can watch all year round it is a lot later I had such a long sleep I think it's where I didn't

11:31sleep the best last night because I was thinking right I can't be late for the hospital can't be

11:35late for the scan so I think I just needed sleep and I actually listened to my body and I was like

11:39right I'm gonna go sleep because we've got family coming over yet not yesterday we've got family

11:45coming over in a little while we've got my auntie my uncle and my cousins and my sister and the kids

11:51and I wanted to have energy for later so I definitely needed sleep I feel like today is

11:57very much a family day and honestly that's what makes me happy and my heart happy so very very

12:03excited for later on I am just going to just chill read my book and then I might just stay I put just

12:11put on this t-shirt I think it's Matt's old t-shirt I'm just I might just keep this because

12:16oversized and it's cozy and I might just stay in this but I'm so glad I slept you know when

12:23your eyes start to feel heavy because you're so tired I was kind of at that point also we

12:28watched the Grinch we didn't watch the whole movie because my niece she she won't sit down

12:33and watch a whole movie yet but we watched half of it and it was so good I don't know why Christmas

12:38movies just make my heart happy and you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna do that if I want to watch

12:43Christmas movies in March April all of summer I'm gonna do it I'm also seeing my friends tomorrow

12:49I'm kind of I'm actually quite happy to kind of have things booked in because I have chemo coming

12:57up the past few weeks I haven't really done much because of the lung ablation and recovery and I've

13:02kind of just been on my own right now I feel like I need to kind of surround myself with my loved

13:08ones because that's what makes me happy and I know I know I have to be extra careful and I know I

13:15I know that but in the same breath my emotional well-being is very important as well and seeing

13:24my loved ones makes me happy and it's kind of there's so much I can't just sit in the house

13:32on my own can't just sit at home on my own and wait for chemo or wait for a hospital appointment

13:38or wait for a blood test I need to still live as and you know when I had the lung ablation and I

13:44was kind of coughing up blood and it puts a lot into perspective and even today when I had the

13:49MRI scan and I'm in that machine the only thing I think about are my loved ones and so I need to

13:56kind of make memories and do more when I'm well and when I can like today I spent time with my

14:03family but then I had a little nap now and then I'm gonna have more energy to spend more time

14:07with my family later so I just kind of need to listen to my body if I feel weak or if I feel like

14:16it's too much I will take a break so it is kind of listening to my body and I just I don't know

14:26I just miss my family and friends and I miss kind of putting things in the diary I miss all of that

14:36I think it is kind of finding the balance of what's important for me obviously having chemo

14:42and immunotherapy and my appointments my hospital days I know they're so so important but my kind

14:52of mental and emotional well-being is so important as well so it's kind of finding that balance I

14:58feel like I just need to do what's right for me and not overthink it and I've only got three

15:08more sessions of chemo left so hopefully I don't get an infection I don't nothing happens you know

15:13and I get through the last three sessions this used to be my little reading chair it's so nice

15:21I used to actually film my team of Tiffany thanks videos in this corner I used to have pillows and

15:30blankets and it used to be really cozy and this used to be my reading corner it's a really nice

15:35big chair my pick line is all nice and clean honestly going to get the pick line clean is

15:42one of my favorite things to do it's because I don't know how to kind of I don't know what to

15:48compare it to but the feeling of the they use this little sponge thing and it's cold and when

15:56it goes on my skin it just feels so fresh you know you're not allowed to put water on here so the

16:04only time I get this area cleaned is when I get the pick line clean so I think that's why it feels

16:09so nice in regards to the MRI scan and the results and I'm not thinking about it the reason is right

16:16I have stage four cancer so for the rest of my life I'm gonna have scans results days scans again

16:24results days scans blood test results so that's gonna be that's normal for me and each time I

16:32have it done I can't allow it to kind of take over I want I just want to be able to go and get it

16:39done of course when it's results day I'm going to stress but that's normal right but in between that

16:45the interim I don't want to sit there panicking and I kind of want to get to this point in my

16:50life where I think right it's done out of my control let's live each day you know I can't

16:56panic and I just want to I want to keep this energy and it's one of those things I just can't

17:04control it it's done I keep telling myself you know what this time last year I was so different

17:14to how I am now feel like I'm just growing and changing and understanding that this is kind of

17:20my normal I will have moments where I cry and panic and that's normal you know that has to

17:27happen and if that doesn't happen then that's odd isn't it because this is a crazy journey but I

17:36just need to kind of keep this energy and try not to worry I just can't wait for all of this to I

17:43just want to have a little break do you know why I I want to go I want to go somewhere very very

17:49hot and just read my book by the pool and it's funny because Matt and I we always say whenever

17:57we think about going on holiday we basically want to do what we do at home like go for our walks

18:04have breakfast read our books like we just want to do what we do at home on holiday but we're

18:13guaranteed Sun and all we want is some sunshine that would be amazing just to be able to go I

18:18don't want to do much you all know what I'm like I am I love being at home I love feeling cozy I

18:24love routine so for me I don't I'm not someone that wants to travel the world I'm very much

18:33someone that wants to go on holiday just for some Sun and just sit and read my book so instead of

18:38reading it here just sit by the pool it would be nice to be able to kind of think right in July

18:45we've got a holiday or in August we have a holiday but we can't really plan we can't really do that

18:50so that's a bit annoying really annoying because it would be nice to have something in the diary

18:55to be it'll be nice to have something to look forward to when we went to Lake Garda oh my

19:01goodness that was honestly the best trip ever and I would go back I honestly would go back it was

19:08unreal I would highly highly recommend it if you didn't watch my vlogs when we went to Lake Garda

19:14I'll leave it linked below if you want to see but honestly it was so magical and even Le Fay where

19:22we stayed up in the mountains was unreal it was so good do you know what I'm not worried just too

19:30much about holidays and booking in holidays because when it's Sun when it's summer here oh

19:36it's unreal it's so so nice honestly London Kent everywhere is so beautiful so even if we can't go

19:44away we'll still make memories around here I want to do more London trips because we always whenever

19:52we go into the hospital we have to go past kind of Chelsea and it's so beautiful so I'd like to

20:00kind of do more days around here all around Kent as well Kent is beautiful so yeah have you got

20:08any holidays booked and if not where would you want to go if you could go anywhere in the world

20:14right now where would you want to go um my is actually planning a holiday so I'm very very

20:20excited for her so hopefully nothing kind of I feel like she if something happens to me like if

20:32I get bad results or I think that might change things for her but hopefully nothing happens and

20:39she can go on a holiday and I'll talk more about it nearer the time because just in case you know

20:45nothing's been booked but she really really really needs a holiday she definitely needs a holiday

20:52good morning everyone today is the next day I didn't actually pick up the camera last night I

21:08think we were just there's so much going on and we were just talking talking talking forgot to

21:13pick up the camera but we had the best family time I'm actually now going to see my friends

21:18we're going for a little brunch in my favorite bakery you know the one in Carshorten beaches

21:24and so we're just going to go there have a little something something I'm thinking I might get a

21:30sausage roll because the sausage rolls there are top tier 10 out of 10 so I might just have that

21:38but we'll see when we get there but yes let's go let's go let's go let's go I'm really excited

21:44just to have some girly time just to kind of chit chat chit chat gossip gossip gossip and you know

21:53just to switch off so that's going to be the plan this morning I actually put on the Charlotte

22:01Tilbury you know what's that what's it called you know the the glow I'll leave it here I forgot the

22:10name you know my brain it's that glowy that glowy serum it's not called that what is it called I

22:18forgot the name so I put that on just to add a little bit of something to my complexion because

22:25it just looked a bit dull and then on my lips I've got the Charlotte Tilbury walk of shame so

22:32my skin it's like dry look at my dry skin hanging off yeah I've got the rare beauty lip gloss which

22:39I'll probably put on top later but I kind of like the lipstick at the moment it looks quite nice

22:45you did so well in your long surgery it's so cute it's wait shout you keep a box I'll keep a book

22:57it is a little bit later we ended up going to the bakery but it was fully packed out so we ended up

23:03going to band stood to a place called Fay go we've been there before so it was just really nice really

23:10nice girly time and my friend Shah got me cupcakes as well they're so cute they're like the blue we

23:15got this cupcakes and they've got blue hearts I'll show you properly when I'm back home honestly so

23:21cute and she said she got half of them lemon because lemon is my favorite cake and half in

23:29their last that's really really thoughtful and cute look at these cupcakes says you got this

23:37and you got the blue heart and everything is that we got this blue color so cute it's eight

23:44cupcakes there I'm gonna share it out with the family good afternoon everyone it's a couple of

23:50days later I had so many days of just seeing all my loved ones and just giving everyone my hundred

23:59percent and I feel like I didn't really pick up the camera a lot a lot I think it's because I was

24:04very much in the moment and the clips that you just watched was just me kind of seeing the family

24:14my friends and today my cousin is actually coming over which is super exciting because we're just

24:21kind of having a relaxing day today my darling is only working until 2 p.m. so he'll be home very

24:28very soon and we don't actually have any plans I think we'll probably play some games just have

24:33a chilled home day we might even go for a little walk because the weather is lovely today so if if

24:40it stays like this week we could go for a little walk around and my skin has been peeling but this

24:52has really helped because around here yesterday it was very very scaly but you know what with

25:03this chemo immunotherapy it's one of the side effects is skin rashes I've got it all over my

25:09arms we show you can you see can you see here sorry if you find things like that disgusting

25:17and I've just shown you but yeah it's just everywhere even on my legs like around my knee

25:22area around my ankle there's just kind of dry patches which some people get during the chemo

25:30immunotherapy medications so I have been trying to stay moisturized and I might use a little bit

25:37of epi max actually on my skin on my arms and things but for my face yesterday my nose was

25:44really dry and it was peeling and so what I did is I put a lot of this oil all over my nose and

25:52on top of that I put e45 and on top of that I put aquaphor so three thick layers of moisture

26:01and the peeling oh it was the postman Matt got a delivery so not sure what he's ordered but it's

26:11a little box I was just saying my nose is looking a lot better but I think where I put on so much

26:17I've got a little spot can you see a little spots popped up but that's okay that will all go my skin

26:26will get better once chemo is over I've got three more left three more to go and then hopefully no

26:36more chemo I just I don't want to have any more I just ah you know when it feels like it's been

26:41going on for so long and you just want to have a break and you just don't want to go to the hospital

26:47you don't want to do any of the chemo and I just I'm just hoping after the third three more I can

26:54handle it I can handle three more but then after that if they say you need to have more chemo I'm

26:59honestly going to scream I I just need to have a break I do understand having this cancer and I

27:07do understand that chemo is something I will most likely have to have again and you know but

27:16just need a break you know when you just feel like give me a break even six months off would

27:23be unreal but then still need to sort out both clavicle areas I know I haven't really talked

27:29about the clavicle both clavicles but I just I don't really know what to say I think you know

27:38when you watched my PET scan results video I think you can kind of see I'm just kind of fed

27:47up I'm so fed up and I don't know what they're gonna do about the clavicle I don't know what

27:55so you I know there was a bit of confusion about the clavicle area so I don't know how long you've

28:02been following this cancer journey my cancer journey but they said I had it in the right

28:08clavicle and that is shown up on the PET scan but then I had another PET scan and they said in the

28:13left side there's a tiny area under this clavicle so it's both clavicles I don't know I think in

28:19that video I didn't maybe explain it enough because there were so many questions about what

28:25do you mean it's both I thought it's in one and there was loads of questions and you know when

28:30you're going to have results especially on that day I don't know if you watch that video if you

28:35haven't I'll leave it links below but you know when you're in the hospital and especially that

28:40day because they were also worried to see if I had a clot in the lungs so there was a lot going on

28:45me running around getting the x-ray done getting the CT PA scan done so there's a lot happening and

28:53then you're so drained out and the doctors are giving you the information I'm writing things

28:58down and I'm trying to understand what's going on and I just it's just a lot a lot a lot and then I

29:08normally what you do is you take time to process information but what I did is I turn the camera

29:15on and I wanted to explain to you what's going on so you're kind of in the loop as well and I think

29:20you know when you're straight out of the hospital and you're so tired you're drained out you're fed

29:25up you're upset you're angry or you're just trying to kind of keep yourself together and then you're

29:34not able to kind of explain what's going on so I think that's what happened that some people

29:39understood what I was trying to say some people were so confused and I guess I haven't really

29:44talked about it because it's so hard because it's actually happening to me and I know as much as

29:50everyone's like what's going on with your clavicle what about your left clavicle what about your

29:54right clavicle it's a lot it's a lot a lot and so I think I just needed some time and I just needed

30:04I think that's why I spent so much time with my loved ones just because that's what's important

30:09to me and just to make sure that my heart's happy and I know with both clavicle so the left clavicle

30:19they're saying it could be wiped away even the right clavicle area it could be completely wiped

30:24away by the chemo but the chances of that is low but there's still there's still a chance you know

30:30so all I can do is just pray that the chemo works and removes both areas of the clavicle and then I

30:39also pray if that doesn't work that there's another treatment option whether it's radiotherapy or

30:46surgery to actually remove it I don't know I really don't know what the plan is but all I

30:54know for now is I am doing the things that make me super happy I'm seeing the people that make

31:00me happy and also I am trying to just trying to just get this chemo these six weeks let's get it

31:10done first and then we'll go from there and see what the doctors think should happen next I think

31:16my priority now is let's get the six weeks of chemo done so it's three sessions left every other week

31:23so it's six weeks and then after that I guess the doctors will have my PET scan results my my old

31:31PET scan results my MRI scan results from a few days ago and then I'm sure they will have an MDT

31:38meeting about me again and then they will come up with a plan I feel so numb I think that's the word

31:49I don't know how to feel I just feel numb you know I feel like if you've gone through this do

31:59you know what I mean by when you just feel numb about everything about the results about what's

32:05gonna happen next you just kind of get this to a point where what can you do you know it's out of

32:11your control and you just feel that numb is the best word numb is how I feel right let's not talk

32:20about it too much because then I just get into my head and I think overthink things the weather is

32:26gorgeous and I'm so happy my darling's not doing a full day of work today so that's nice that we

32:31could just all kind of relax today and just make some yummy food and have some yummy food I think

32:36we're gonna have chicken creamy spicy pasta I think that's the plan but we'll see that's my

32:44darling now hi darling I did get your delivery it just came through he's actually finished up early

32:52so he's coming home I'm gonna make myself a green tea and the only green tea I've shown you before

32:58but if just in case you missed it you all know I love before I had before I started chemo this was

33:05my favorite I really like this tea pigs peppermint tea green tea my absolute favorite but right now

33:11it just tastes so strong so I kind of stopped drinking green tea and I just thought right I'll

33:18just stick with hot water Matt went to M&S and he picked this up this is the M&S green tea it's got

33:2620 tea bags it's not as strong as this so I've been having this one and this is what I've been

33:35drinking let's make a green tea I'm gonna use my we got this mug Matt's gone to M&S

33:49this is Matt's favorite chili jam yeah this is new oh yeah chili jam is this to put in like

34:11avocado burgers oh oh even a halloumi you know when we do halloumi wraps chili jam would be

34:18that's a good food shop grapes mayo this is the best mayo if you're looking for really nice creamy

34:30mayo M&S it's good grapes great shop so we're gonna have it looks like looking at all of this

34:39pasta look how big this is this is a huge bag we're having creamy chicken pasta tonight my

34:47cousin's favorite meal is pasta she eats pasta every single day and it's her favorite so that's

34:52why we decided we'll do pasta tonight you know what I'm gonna have as a little snack a miffy

34:56ball yesterday Matt made some miffy balls if you're thinking about making some miffy balls

35:01and you're thinking how did Matt do that there is a video I think during vlogmas I'll leave it

35:08linked below if you want to make a miffy ball basically a miffy ball is Matt and Tiffy together

35:14miffy and it's basically an energy ball oh Matt wants me to try the cheese let's try the cheese

35:20first yeah have you had it before what is that comment comment comment a do you know what I'm

35:27my dad's whenever she has a slab of cheese she has it with Apple lovely it's very rich

35:44right let's get one of these I might only have half that cheese was really thick he

36:01made a batch yesterday so there's loads in there I've just cut one up

MRI Scan Day & Feeling Numb Cancer Journey 2025

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