If DNA Testing Were Honest. #shorts #dna #23andme #ancestry #parody #ad #youtubeshorts
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00:00Here's the official report, fresh from the lab.
00:06Wow! I always knew I was white, but it's great to see it on paper.
00:11Isn't it though?
00:1299.9% Irish?
00:15My friends are going to be so excited when I use this to excuse my complicated relationship with alcohol.
00:21An insight that enables you to learn less about yourself delightful.
00:25Oh, and 0.1% Native American?
00:28I'm gonna get a fun necklace.
00:30You could be like Ryan or one of our other happy ancestry customers.
00:36Wow, turns out my red hair is the product of the Norse running sexually roughshod through my ancestors' captured villages.
00:42I guess we really do have more fun.
00:44The Joseph Goebbels? No way. That's why I work in advertising.
00:50No way I'm paying you race-baiting eugenicist-obsessed assholes to tell me where I come from.
00:57Unless there's 40 acres and a mule in that goddamn envelope.
01:01And honestly, this whole thing seems wildly convenient.
01:04How did things go last time we tried to classify everything by race, huh?
01:08How's that going for you, America?
01:10Humankind is such a beautiful tapestry, and colonization our violent loom.
01:16I already felt an undeserved sense of accomplishment, and now it's even stronger.
01:20Hold on, my little knot of telomeres. We're not done yet.
01:24We also have results on your health and possible genetic diseases.
01:30Ooh.
01:31Gimme, gimme, gimme!
01:32Hold on, you gotta pay extra for these.
01:34It's $50 for me to show you, and $100 for me to burn it forever.
01:42That's for the best.
01:45Ooh, you might want to start getting your prostate checked.
01:48Here, I know a guy.
01:51Used to be a rock climber.
01:53Pointer finger like a grappling hook.
01:55Oh, by the way, what do you do with my DNA profile?
01:58Well, just hold on to it.
01:59For what?
02:00Don't worry, it's in our computer. One that's pretty hard to hack.
02:03Pretty hard?
02:05Look, it's for our eyes only, and the partners who help us with our research.
02:09And possibly the FBI.
02:11But don't worry, they're famously trustworthy.