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We Made a Disstrack on People That Don't Deserve it

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Today I found the upload button much sooner than usual and decided to reminisce on a saga of YouTube history I previously missed out on. Let me know what you think of this style of video, really appreciate the support recently and have lots of dumb ideas to bring your way soon!

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Transcript
00:00I've lived a fairly drama-free life on the internet, but I turned to Chris in the flat
00:08the other day and asked,
00:10Chris, what was diss track season like?
00:13I'd rather not talk about it.
00:19And it made me wish that I was there, so I thought why not make a new one for some people
00:22that were also missing out, and most likely have never received a diss track in their
00:26life, because they didn't deserve it.
00:29Now of course, normally who you will be dissing is already decided, but we're going to have
00:33to rack our brains to come up with some names.
00:35Cheers to the best diss track on YouTube.
00:38Chewy tiny pint.
00:39Off the bat, I was thinking David Attenborough needs to get it.
00:44I think he's long overdue.
00:46He's overdue a diss track.
00:47Before he dies, there has to be a diss track.
00:49There is far too much love, but the only problem with David is that this video will take about
00:54a week or two to edit, and I don't know if I fancy his chances.
00:59I was thinking Mr. Tumble, perhaps?
01:01Yeah, Mr. Tumble's good.
01:03But he's kind of fallen off, though.
01:05He has fallen off.
01:06I think it was ever since that monkey line that you dropped.
01:09Hello, monkey!
01:11You'd throw a woman in there, maybe?
01:12Oh, I would happily diss a woman, yeah.
01:14Who's like the most universally loved woman?
01:16Mary Berry?
01:17If we go for Mary Berry and David Attenborough, it feels like we're just...
01:20Anyone with a bust bust.
01:21Yeah, yeah.
01:22They can't fight back.
01:23That's almost good.
01:24Yeah, it's good.
01:25Because they really don't deserve another at that point.
01:26Mary Berry, I'll put her in a maybe.
01:28Mary Berry, it might be you.
01:30Oh, Mahatma Gandhi?
01:31Oh, he could get it.
01:32Oh, Gandhi would get it.
01:33Gandhi could be good.
01:34I don't know if I've delved deep into the politics of that.
01:36Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr.
01:39I feel like if you did go for Martin Luther King Jr.,
01:41that would have some more of a political standpoint.
01:44Keanu Reeves.
01:45Keanu Reeves.
01:46People do like Keanu Reeves.
01:47Everyone loves Keanu Reeves.
01:48Would a diss track on Keanu Reeves go dummy crazy hard?
01:51I don't know.
01:52I'd almost feel bad.
01:53John Prick, more like.
01:54Yeah.
01:55Oh my God, we have to do it just for that line.
01:56Marie Curie could get fucked.
01:59We can't insult Marie Curie.
02:01I mean.
02:02She's got a cancer.
02:03Yeah, she's got a cancer.
02:04Not cancer named after her.
02:06So I'm thinking Gandhi and Mother Teresa are up there.
02:08Yeah.
02:09Mother Teresa.
02:10Because we need a bit of diversity in there.
02:11Yeah, true.
02:12I'll pop the book down.
02:13Diversity?
02:14Isn't she white?
02:15Nelson Mandela.
02:16Can he get it or is that?
02:17It's titled The Symbol of Forgiveness and Justice in Ending Apartheid.
02:20Oh yeah, fuck.
02:21This is the weirdest Smash or Pass ever.
02:23Robin Williams.
02:24He died.
02:25He died.
02:27We can't clap back if we go Robin Williams.
02:29Oh, here's one that would get people triggered.
02:32Taylor Swift.
02:33Oh.
02:34Put her in the thumbnail.
02:35Roger Federer.
02:36What a rogue one.
02:37Pretty good.
02:38Pretty good clap, mate.
02:39Yeah.
02:40Um.
02:41You're back on with shit.
02:44We've got shoe in David Attenborough.
02:46And then our current shortlist is Mr. Tumble, Mary Berry, Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa,
02:50and Taylor Swift.
02:51Second with five a side.
02:52Oh wait, no.
02:53This is a type of nightmare blunt rotation.
02:55Do any of them make it in?
02:56This is like when players do a five a side team of players they've played with.
03:00Yeah.
03:01I've got David in the ten.
03:02Yeah.
03:03We'd have to put Mary Berry at left back, I think.
03:05Yeah.
03:06Although she has got a bit of a soggy bottom.
03:07Right, I'm aware at this point you're probably just sort of screaming names at your screen
03:10as to who we should pick.
03:11But I'm going to stop you right there.
03:12What the hell do you think you're getting involved for?
03:14This is my video.
03:15If you want to make your own diss track, do it yourself in your own time with your own
03:20electronic devices, which you could probably buy from such a store as Vinted.
03:24Oh, you didn't know they did electronic devices now?
03:27Well, what better way to inform you than in a little track over a dirty beat?
03:36You think you know Vinted, well maybe before it's closed.
03:39You can now sell devices.
03:40Devices such as those.
03:41But electronics are more techie.
03:42How do I know if it's legit?
03:43The EVS team takes a look.
03:44They verify it.
03:45They know they're s***.
03:46If you're buying that's beneficial as it puts your mind at ease.
03:48If you're selling there's good news too.
03:49There's no selling fee.
03:50But why me?
03:51Why do I care so much?
03:52I hear you mutter.
03:53Well, it's not just you getting rid of electronic clutter.
03:55A phone.
03:56One I used to use.
03:57And it's cheap.
03:58A speaker so you can drop a portable beat.
04:00A watch so that you can keep track of the time.
04:02A mic.
04:03Somewhere for you to spit your filthy rhymes.
04:05So go buy mine or sell yours.
04:06I don't really care.
04:07Just stop trying to hijack my video.
04:09That's not very fair.
04:11The electronic verification service are going to check the attributes, functionality, condition
04:16and authenticity of electronic devices.
04:20Back to the video.
04:21Gandhi's got to get it.
04:22I think Gandhi's got to get it.
04:23I think Gandhi's got to get it.
04:24Gandhi's got to get it.
04:25Yeah.
04:26Gandhi.
04:27When you speak about one of the all-time greats, he's got to...
04:28Who's the most peaceful man who ever lived?
04:30Do we do Taylor Swift?
04:31No, I'd actually be...
04:32I'd genuinely be too scared.
04:33I'd be scared.
04:34It's scary.
04:35I'd be scared.
04:36The backlash excites me.
04:37Do we just go for the Queen?
04:38You stupid dead b******.
04:39I mean, that would be quite funny.
04:41Insulting a dead Queen.
04:42Oh, but is it?
04:43Is that legal?
04:44Are we allowed to do that?
04:45That could be treason.
04:46There's a bar in there.
04:47Like, I commit treason, but you're my 13th reason.
04:49Oh, yeah.
04:51Elizabeth's got to get it.
04:52The Roars want to make me kill myself.
04:56Dame Judi Dench.
04:57Adele.
04:58Adele would be good.
04:59Everyone loves Adele.
05:00So, are we happy with our final three?
05:01Final three.
05:02This is like the judges' houses at this point.
05:05Yeah, so we are thinking for a final three, David Attenborough, Mahatma Gandhi and Adele.
05:12That is a heck of a three.
05:14What a final.
05:15Right, we need to think of some lyrics.
05:17With our subjects chosen, we now knew who we would be sending for.
05:20Next thing on the agenda, what would we actually be saying?
05:23We're better to think of some words to say than in the home of literature.
05:30A library.
05:31Sorry.
05:34Right, let's start with David Attenborough, shall we?
05:36Yeah.
05:37We've obviously got nature, documentaries.
05:40He's old as hell.
05:43How do you want to start it?
05:45Just going in.
05:46We need a big first lyric.
05:48Oh, hey David.
05:50Or should I say David hair.
05:52I'm going to knock you out.
05:54Look, James May.
05:57Oh my god, sorry.
05:59These flames are getting too hot right now.
06:01You're worried about the king of the jungle.
06:03You're too old to even be my uncle.
06:06Or, I've seen you on a night out.
06:08King of the fumble.
06:10How old is David Attenborough?
06:1298.
06:13You're 98.
06:14I was thinking along the lines of something about animal kingdom.
06:18I wish your dad wore an animal condom.
06:22I didn't think that was an animal condom.
06:25I was thinking when he's awake from 9 till 8.
06:29Early bedtimes, bitch.
06:33Or your bedtime is probably 9 till 8.
06:36You old bitch.
06:38Something about the best thing since last bed, that he was around before last bed.
06:41Maybe we could talk about him outliving the queen or something.
06:44I bet they fucked.
06:46We could talk about that.
06:48Just accusing me of fucking the queen.
06:51When you were near the queen, she always landed on heads.
06:55I bet she flipped a coin and she gave you head.
06:58You called her a rizzabuff.
07:00You gave her your glizzibuff.
07:02I'd just ad-lib like, sorry.
07:05You've been knighted twice, probably because the first one expired.
07:08That's good.
07:09Do we think we've fucked up David Amber?
07:11I think we've fucked him up, yeah.
07:12Mahatma Gandhi up next.
07:16Mahatma Gandhi, you wanted peace.
07:19I'll give you handy.
07:20Can you beg him please?
07:22That's not even a diss, I've just offered Gandhi a handjob.
07:26Mahatma Gandhi say you want peace.
07:28Mahatma Gandhi, just suck on these.
07:31He's got some flippy flops on.
07:33Always wearing flip flops.
07:34I've got more followers than you on TikTok.
07:36Check.
07:38Someone about boycotts.
07:40We kicked you about calling us army slot.
07:42Sent you to sleep.
07:44No, that's your boycott.
07:45Did he get boycotted, is that what he's saying?
07:47He liked boycotts, he organised them quite a lot.
07:50Right.
07:51You were into protests.
07:53All those SDIs.
07:54I bet you weren't pro-tests.
07:56Can we just insinuate that Gandhi's got SDIs?
07:58I don't know.
07:59Is Gandhi a virgin?
08:00He got married at 13.
08:02Really?
08:03That's quite young.
08:05Can we call him a b****?
08:07He's got no hair.
08:08We should talk about that.
08:09Oh yeah, you bald.
08:10All those words.
08:11So little hair.
08:13Shut up, bitch, we don't care.
08:15Yeah.
08:16No, that's me.
08:17We do care about that.
08:18We just ate and we're coming fast.
08:20Yeah, that's good.
08:21We know you can't bite back.
08:23Because you're on a hunger strike.
08:25We just ate, but you're on fast.
08:28You're a Buddhist monk, so you're coming last.
08:30That's good.
08:32No, cheers.
08:33Yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:34And then do we go on to the final person?
08:36Yeah.
08:37Up next, Adele.
08:38Adele.
08:39Hello, it's me.
08:40It's the first line.
08:41I was wondering if after all these years you'd like some beef.
08:45Yeah.
08:46We're getting kicked out because there's many flames being spat.
08:50It's actually a fire hazard around the books.
08:52So we're leaving.
08:56I'll come up with Adele songs and then we can work off that.
08:59Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:00Rolling in the beef.
09:01Once we've dropped a hell of a sick bar,
09:03she goes, go easy on me, babe.
09:06Yeah.
09:07No.
09:08No.
09:09I can't wait for your next album in 37 years.
09:13Could do something about disappearing
09:15and then she goes, oh, when did this disappear?
09:19Oh, cool.
09:20Why has this disappeared?
09:21Right, our Uber's here.
09:22We've got more than enough.
09:23Oh, we're about to create some desire.
09:25Oh, what are we, cavemen right now?
09:27Hey.
09:28Take this barbican.
09:29Yeah.
09:30Shut up.
09:31Bye.
09:32Barbican.
09:33Can't.
09:34No, not the best.
09:35Oh, crap.
09:36It's the feds.
09:37After a near miss with the feds,
09:38we had conjured up some lyricism,
09:40but it's currently just some inspired slam poetry.
09:43We're going to need to make this into a song.
09:45Take it.
09:46Fuck these niggas.
09:47Yeah, yeah.
09:48Ooh.
09:49Ooh.
09:50Yeah.
09:51Sis got a blah boy.
09:52Sis got a blah boy.
09:53Ooh.
09:54Sis got a blah boy.
09:55Sis got a blah boy.
09:56Ooh.
09:57Sis got.
09:58Yeah.
09:59Do you want to do something sing-y or just leave it?
10:01For the chorus?
10:02Yeah, just like a little couple of lines.
10:03It could be quite funny to sing it, yeah.
10:05This is a diss track that you don't deserve.
10:09This is a diss track that you don't deserve.
10:13You could go Arthur and George,
10:15get ready for this burn.
10:17Okay, yeah.
10:18Maybe it should be,
10:19should it go around twice?
10:20So the first time, like.
10:22It's, yes.
10:23We're going to serve.
10:24They don't deserve.
10:26Arthur and George.
10:29And we're going to serve.
10:31This is a diss track that you don't deserve.
10:35Arthur and George.
10:36Now get ready for this verse.
10:38Okay.
10:39That was good, I like that.
10:40Chillin' for too long, Attenborough.
10:42So we gon' come at ya.
10:44And flatten ya.
10:48As far as a voice that we go, JME there.
10:50As far as voices go,
10:51you're the best thing since sliced bread.
10:53But when you were born.
10:55What was that?
10:56Don't touch.
10:57McGandy, say one piece.
11:01McGandy.
11:02Succondese.
11:03Succondese.
11:04That's quite funny.
11:05Oh boy.
11:06That's, I like that.
11:07That's fire.
11:08That's straight flames.
11:09Oh my God.
11:13Yeah, exactly.
11:14To be fair,
11:15it's not exactly like,
11:16oh, he's actually a good guy.
11:17He does deserve this.
11:18Yeah, maybe we should add in a little ad-lib.
11:20We did a bit of research,
11:21and you are a bad guy.
11:22Potentially actually did deserve it.
11:23Hey David.
11:25David Hair.
11:26David Hay.
11:27Suck a punch to the face.
11:28Don't care if you're 98.
11:30As far as voices go,
11:32you're the best thing since sliced bread.
11:34But when you were born,
11:36it wasn't invented.
11:38God, this is weird for me.
11:40This is a diss track
11:42that you don't deserve.
11:44Arthur and George,
11:45get ready for the verse.
11:47Oh yeah, baby.
11:49Yeah, this is a diss track.
11:56This is a diss track
11:58that you don't deserve.
12:00Arthur and George,
12:02yeah, we're gonna serve.
12:04That's really impressive.
12:06Mahatma Gandhi.
12:08Why did I go like northern?
12:10Mahatma Gandhi, come here.
12:12Mahatma Gandhi,
12:14we want a peace.
12:16Mahatma Gandhi,
12:18just suck on these.
12:20I feel like I've nailed that.
12:22Yeah, that needs to be done again.
12:24Put your feet away.
12:25They smell like cheese.
12:27Hello,
12:29it's me.
12:31I was wondering if after all these years
12:33you'd like some beef.
12:35But your ex-husband didn't show up.
12:37Divorced.
12:38How you doing?
12:40Unbelievable.
12:42Hovis, you're old.
12:44Hot, hot.
12:46Cheese.
12:48Don't deserve.
12:50Gonna serve.
12:52Don't deserve.
12:54Goodbye.
13:00And with that, that's the diss track made.
13:02And of course,
13:04every good diss track needs a music video.
13:24Hey,
13:26suck a punch to the face, don't care if you're 98.
13:28You've been chilling
13:30for too long at Embra.
13:32So we gon' come at ya
13:34and flatten ya.
13:36As far as voiceovers go,
13:38you're the best thing since sliced bread.
13:40But when you were born,
13:42it wasn't invented.
13:44Spitting bars, check your meter,
13:46that's global warming.
13:48Check for scars, this'll teach you,
13:50that's your official warning.
13:52This is a diss track that you don't deserve.
13:54Arthur and George,
13:56yeah, we're gonna serve.
13:58Yeah, this is a diss track
14:00that you don't deserve.
14:02Arthur and George,
14:04get ready for the verse.
14:06Mahatma Gandhi,
14:08we want a piece.
14:10Mahatma Gandhi,
14:12just suck on these.
14:14Put your feet away.
14:16They smell like cheese.
14:18You're a monk who stunk,
14:20I've got more followers than you
14:22on my TikTok.
14:24We kicked you about
14:26like Arnie Slott.
14:28Go to bed.
14:30That's your boycott.
14:32This is a diss track that you don't deserve.
14:34Arthur and George,
14:36yeah, we're gonna serve.
14:38Yeah, this is a diss track
14:40that you don't deserve.
14:42Arthur and George,
14:44get ready for the verse.
14:46Hello,
14:48it's me.
14:50I was wondering if after
14:52all these years you'd like some beef.
14:54Yeah,
14:56you've had a go up,
14:58but your ex-husband didn't show up.
15:00Divorce!
15:02Always disappear for years on end.
15:04Have this disappear, cause you're a bellend.
15:06You might be love, we don't care.
15:08We're here to kill.
15:10Can't steal our flow or our vibe.
15:12No notting hill.
15:14This is a diss track that you don't deserve.
15:16Arthur and George,
15:18yeah, we're gonna serve.
15:20Yeah, this is a diss track
15:22that you don't deserve.
15:24Arthur and George,
15:26get ready for the verse.
15:28Fuck David Attenborough.
15:30Fuck Gandhi.
15:32We've just shut down Adele.