If you go outside and look up you will see the beginning of a rare occurrence they call a Blood Worm Moon, a federal judge ordered thousands of fired federal workers to be re-hired, Republicans don’t like the Department of Education including Senator Tommy Tuberville, Trump has been systematically alienating our allies around the world, he threatened to put a 200% tariff on alcohol imported from Europe, stocks were down again today and Trump doesn’t seem concerned which is confusing considering that’s all he used to brag about, Elon Musk is reportedly planning to give one hundred million dollars to two Trump Super Pacs, a lot of Tesla owners have been trying to disguise their cars to avoid confrontations and vandalism, we have a new alligator edition of This Week in Florida, and David Blaine stops by to do magic for the staff.
SUBSCRIBE to get the latest #Kimmel: http://bit.ly/JKLSubscribe
Follow Jimmy Kimmel on Instagram: https://bit.ly/KimmelInstagram
Follow Jimmy Kimmel Live on Instagram: http://bit.ly/JKLInstagram
Follow Jimmy Kimmel Live on TikTok: https://bit.ly/JKLTikTok
Like Jimmy Kimmel on Facebook: http://bit.ly/KimmelFB
Like Jimmy Kimmel Live on Facebook: http://bit.ly/JKLFacebook
Visit the Jimmy Kimmel Live Website : http://bit.ly/JKLWebsite
About Jimmy Kimmel Live:
Jimmy Kimmel serves as host and executive producer of Emmy® nominated “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” ABC’s late-night talk show. “Jimmy Kimmel Live” is well known for its viral video successes, with over 16 billion views and more than 19 million subscribers on the show’s YouTube channel. Some of Kimmel’s most popular comedy bits include Celebrities Read Mean Tweets, Lie Witness News, Halloween Candy YouTube Challenge, Jimmy and Cousin Sal pranking Aunt Chippy and music stars like Rihanna and Dua Lipa surprising Jimmy in the middle of the night.
SUBSCRIBE to get the latest #Kimmel: http://bit.ly/JKLSubscribe
Follow Jimmy Kimmel on Instagram: https://bit.ly/KimmelInstagram
Follow Jimmy Kimmel Live on Instagram: http://bit.ly/JKLInstagram
Follow Jimmy Kimmel Live on TikTok: https://bit.ly/JKLTikTok
Like Jimmy Kimmel on Facebook: http://bit.ly/KimmelFB
Like Jimmy Kimmel Live on Facebook: http://bit.ly/JKLFacebook
Visit the Jimmy Kimmel Live Website : http://bit.ly/JKLWebsite
About Jimmy Kimmel Live:
Jimmy Kimmel serves as host and executive producer of Emmy® nominated “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” ABC’s late-night talk show. “Jimmy Kimmel Live” is well known for its viral video successes, with over 16 billion views and more than 19 million subscribers on the show’s YouTube channel. Some of Kimmel’s most popular comedy bits include Celebrities Read Mean Tweets, Lie Witness News, Halloween Candy YouTube Challenge, Jimmy and Cousin Sal pranking Aunt Chippy and music stars like Rihanna and Dua Lipa surprising Jimmy in the middle of the night.
Category
🗞
NewsTranscript
00:00Thank you for joining us here.
00:02And please, relax.
00:05You know what?
00:06This is a rare night, because this is a night
00:08where we can take a break from all the news breaking here
00:10on Earth, and we can gaze upward at news happening in the sky.
00:14Tonight, as we speak, if you're watching this show
00:16on television, as God intended, if you go outside and look up,
00:20you'll see the beginning of a rare occurrence they call
00:22a bloodworm moon, which is somewhere in Florida
00:26right now.
00:27Rudy Giuliani is hanging upside down,
00:30licking himself, enjoying the bloodworm moon, which
00:33is something that only happens in March.
00:35It only happens every once in a while.
00:38It's a total lunar eclipse.
00:39It causes the moon to turn red.
00:41It also causes all the moon loons
00:43to make kooky videos on TikTok.
00:45The intensity of a blood moon can stir conflicts,
00:48so avoid unnecessary arguments.
00:50With the sun being in Pisces, we need
00:51to keep our thoughts firmly planted in a meditative state.
00:55Do not set any manifestations or affirmations
00:59in place during this time.
01:02Do not charge your crystals in a blood moon.
01:05Don't try anything new, so don't try a new haircut.
01:08Don't go to a new lash lady.
01:11This blood moon eclipse is going to be
01:13a portal for manifesting love.
01:15I don't care what anybody says, new moon, full moon,
01:17you have to be collecting moon water.
01:19Events like this bring great opportunities
01:21to make a lot of money in crypto.
01:22Twins like Blood Moon are in perfect position
01:24to take advantage of this once in four years opportunity.
01:28Do not panic.
01:29Do not be scared.
01:30I'm here to calm you down.
01:32Oh.
01:32Well, why do you sound like the killer
01:35from Silence of the Lambs?
01:38Buffalo Bill is here to calm us down.
01:40And just get some moon water.
01:42Don't manifest anything and cancel your haircut.
01:44We'll get through this together.
01:45And again, this is a lunar eclipse.
01:47This is not a solar eclipse, so there's no chance
01:50that anyone, including our president,
01:51will inadvertently blind himself again.
01:54Wow, you know what I was thinking today?
01:55What a dumb guy we picked for president.
01:59You know how he fired all those federal workers
02:08without even knowing what they do?
02:10Well, a judge today ordered thousands of them
02:12to be rehired just in time for the government
02:15to shut down tomorrow.
02:17Things are running like a Swiss clock.
02:19You know, there was a time when firing people
02:22was the only thing Donald Trump was good at.
02:25He can't now even seem to do that.
02:27I mentioned last night, the new head of the Department
02:29of Education, wrestling magnate Linda McMahon,
02:31is in the process of cutting her staff in half.
02:34She wants to lay off 50% of her workforce.
02:37Republicans do not like the Department of Education.
02:41And that includes football coach-turned-senator Tommy
02:43Tuberville, even though his state, Alabama,
02:46ranks 45th out of 50 when it comes to education,
02:49which is not very good.
02:51He's got some very strong ideas on how to do gooder.
02:55The one thing that I've told people
02:57since I've been in this business, run for school board.
03:00If you want to get it corrected, run for the school board.
03:03Be a part of that school board.
03:04That's right.
03:05Do you want to be part of the school board?
03:06And make sure your kids stay in school, too,
03:11so they don't pronounce it like that.
03:13Senator Tuberville always has the best ideas.
03:15It's, you know, on the campaign trail,
03:18every day Trump promised he would
03:19bring prices down on day one.
03:21I guess we're starting to finally notice that he hasn't.
03:24According to the new poll from CNN,
03:2656% of Americans disapprove of Trump's
03:28handling of the economy.
03:30And that was before he turned the White
03:31House into a Tesla showroom.
03:33Americans right now are starting OnlyFans to buy eggs.
03:37But it's nothing an unnecessary trade war can't fix.
03:41Trump has been systematically alienating
03:43our allies around the world.
03:45Yesterday, he did Ireland.
03:46He's going alphabetically.
03:48Screw you, Australia, Britain, Canada, Denmark, France,
03:52Germany, skip the H, went right to Ireland.
03:54And you're next, Japan.
03:55Oh, he did Japan already?
03:57Well, then look out, Korea.
03:58You're the one that's next.
03:59Today, Trump threatened to put a 200% tariff on alcohol
04:04imported from Europe.
04:05That includes wine, spirits, and beer from Europe.
04:08And that is particularly unfair.
04:10He's making it very expensive to get drunk.
04:13He's the reason we need to get drunk.
04:15He's.
04:16Usually, they've been going back and forth.
04:22The EU said, oh, yeah, we're going
04:24to put a 50% tariff on boats, bourbon,
04:27and motorbikes from the United States, which is interesting.
04:29Because boats, bourbon, and motorbikes,
04:33they're specifically targeting Kid Rock for some reason.
04:37Stocks were down again today.
04:39The Dow was down 537 points.
04:42So far this week, the Dow has dropped almost 1,700 points.
04:46But don't worry.
04:46Trump and his Secretary of Treasury
04:49say the White House is focused on the real economy,
04:51and they are not concerned about a little market
04:54volatility, which is confusing.
04:55Because previously, the stock market
04:58was the only thing Trump bragged about more than playing golf.
05:00These are all tweets about how great
05:02the stock market was under him.
05:04And then we have our bro-mander-in-chief,
05:06Elon Musk, who is reportedly planning
05:09to give $100 million to two Trump super PACs.
05:13And I'm sure the gift has nothing
05:15to do with the fact that Trump had a press
05:17conference to tell us about Tesla's low, low finance
05:20options.
05:20Has a quid ever been pro-quote more than this one?
05:24The guy in charge of government efficiency
05:27just spent $100 million to sell Trump a $90,000 car.
05:31Is that, I mean, I'm sure that if Joe Biden had put
05:34George Soros in charge of the government,
05:36and then George had given Joe $100 million
05:39in exchange for hopping into a new Kia Soros,
05:42Republicans would have been very cool with it.
05:44Two thumbs up from Fox News, right?
05:46Only 35% of Americans have a positive view of Elon Musk.
05:5153% view him negatively.
05:53And 12% felt it would be inappropriate to respond
05:56because they are currently pregnant
05:58with one of his children.
06:00Some people are getting active with their protests,
06:04if you want to call it that.
06:06And as a result, a lot of people who own Tesla cars
06:09have been trying to disguise their vehicles to avoid
06:12confrontations and vandalism.
06:14Somebody pulled the Tesla logo off their Model X
06:17and replaced it with the Mazda logo.
06:19This is now an Audi.
06:22This one is a Subaru.
06:26People are even trying to disguise their Cybertrucks.
06:28That's like trying to pass off a Chewbacca for a Chihuahua.
06:31It doesn't seem right.
06:32Driving a Tesla used to mean you were a big city, green juice
06:36drinking, yoga liberal.
06:38Now nobody knows what it means.
06:40Maybe this is all a ruse.
06:41Elon somehow tricked MAGA into driving electric cars.
06:45Maybe he really is a genius.
06:47But in the meantime, sales of Teslas
06:49are way down all around the world.
06:50And so for the first time, this company
06:52that famously doesn't buy commercials
06:54released their first ever commercial.
06:58The road less traveled demands a vehicle less common.
07:02After 16 years, we're still turning heads.
07:06With endless custom designs, make your own mark,
07:10set the night on fire, and lead the parade.
07:15Well-qualified buyers can take advantage
07:17of sketchy government kickbacks.
07:20I love Tesla.
07:22Tesla, maybe you should park around back.
07:25F*** you!
07:26F*** you!
07:27F*** you!
07:28F*** you!
07:29F*** you!
07:30F*** you!
07:31F*** you!
07:32F*** you!
07:33F*** you!
07:34F*** you!
07:36In a practice round yesterday at the Players' Championship
07:38golf tournament, which is not far from Jacksonville,
07:40one of the golfers, Alejandro Toste,
07:42made a very specific promise about what he would do
07:45if he ever got a hole-in-one.
07:46I've never had a hole-in-one.
07:47I said if I...
07:48You haven't had a hole-in-one?
07:49If I had a hole-in-one in that hole,
07:50I'm jumping in the lake.
07:51Oh, yeah.
07:52There's gators in there.
07:53I don't care.
07:54All right.
07:55He said he doesn't care.
07:56He made a vow.
07:57And well, let's see where it went from there.
08:06No way!
08:12Come in!
08:28Oh, oh, wow, oh, wow, that is, you know, tragedy.
08:32The good news is he died under par.
08:33So...
08:35I guess they're like pigeons in Florida.
08:37They're everywhere.
08:38It's not like a, not a big deal.
08:39In the town of Bradenton, a lady ordered a pizza
08:42and a neighbor had to call the police
08:43because a big green intruder decided to block the pizza,
08:46which you will see play out delightfully
08:48in a new edition of This Week in Florida.
08:51♪♪
08:56Stop, stop, stop.
08:58There's an alligator underneath that car right there.
09:00You want me to take off the seat?
09:03Get back over there.
09:04There's an alligator right under your car.
09:06Oh, my God!
09:08Go in the house!
09:09I can't believe it.
09:10There's a big alligator under my car.
09:12Hey, ma'am, could you...
09:14Oh, my Lordy.
09:16I'll go over and get my pizza.
09:19Get in the house!
09:22My pizza.
09:24I'll take it to the back door.
09:25Holy sh...
09:27♪♪
09:30It's amazing Florida has a population.
09:33We have a magical show for you tonight.
09:35Ellen Pompeo is with us tonight.
09:37We have musicians from all over.
09:40And magician David Blaine is here.
09:46Oh, is he here?
09:48Oh, he is here.
09:49He was delivered in a giant ice cube this morning,
09:51and we were thawing him out.
09:53David has a new show called David Blaine, Do Not Attempt.
09:55He's been roaming around our office today.
09:57He was here when I got to work this morning.
09:59He's really a lot of fun to have in the office,
10:01so we sent along a camera to follow him around
10:03as he hocused and pocused anyone and everyone
10:06who crossed his path.
10:07♪♪
10:11Hey.
10:14I'm assuming you guys are busy, but I kind of need, uh...
10:17I kind of need to warm up for tonight.
10:20That's all right.
10:23And everybody can see Molly's card, yes?
10:26You all see that?
10:27So, watch closely.
10:28This is an optical illusion.
10:29So, look, you all believe, really,
10:31that you see the card going inside, yes?
10:34Everybody sees it going in?
10:36Yeah.
10:37Even from the back?
10:38Yeah.
10:39No.
10:40Your card's right here.
10:41It doesn't move.
10:42Watch.
10:43Boom.
10:44That's it.
10:45See?
10:46Just like that.
10:47What?
10:48Let me do it again.
10:49I'll do it again.
10:50Look.
10:51No, but watch closely.
10:52Look.
10:53I'll show you how it works.
10:54We are watching closely.
10:55So, look.
10:56I put your card in the middle, right?
10:57And see, it's not...
10:58Obviously, it's not there yet, but if I do that...
10:59Oh, see?
11:00Then it's there.
11:01You can see it.
11:02So, look.
11:03You know what I'll do, actually, here?
11:04No, I'm going to bend the card like this.
11:05See how there's a big bend now, so you can't miss it?
11:07It's not going to help.
11:08No, but I'm saying now you can see it.
11:09Yeah.
11:10Yeah.
11:11That's how a gambler cheats.
11:12It's called a crimp.
11:13I'm just exaggerating for this demonstration.
11:14But, look.
11:15These go on top, just like this.
11:16It takes one, two.
11:17See?
11:18And it jumps like that.
11:19What?
11:20How?
11:21Does this trick only work 152 times?
11:22You thought of a card when I went through, you never said it.
11:30When you say it, he's going to cut.
11:31Your card will be there.
11:32It'll come up.
11:34Say your card for the first time.
11:35The Ten of Diamonds.
11:36The Two of Diamonds?
11:37The Ten of Diamonds.
11:38It was the Ten of Diamonds?
11:39Yes.
11:40The one that you were thinking of when I said, think of any card?
11:42Yes.
11:43If you're not sure, you can change.
11:44No, it was the Ten of Diamonds.
11:45Okay, fine.
11:46Fine.
11:47She's tough.
11:48Lift your hand up.
11:49You're going to pick up, and the Ten of Diamonds will come up.
11:50Pick up.
11:51Pick up.
11:52Yeah, in the middle.
11:53In the middle.
11:54No.
11:55No, so you messed up.
11:56How did I mess up?
11:57Well, because when you did that, the Ten of Diamonds, I saw it do like a, and it folded
11:58like the Eight of Hearts.
11:59It folded, and then it folded again, which made it small, and then it actually traveled
12:00under the face of your watch.
12:01No.
12:02Turn your wrist over.
12:03Turn.
12:04No.
12:05Turn your wrist over.
12:06Turn.
12:07Turn.
12:08See?
12:09Turn it.
12:10Let me see.
12:11Let me see.
12:12Oh, my God.
12:13Turn the, let me see.
12:14And let her check the card.
12:15What?
12:16Make sure.
12:17Oh, my God.
12:18Oh, my God.
12:19Oh, my God.
12:20Oh, my God.
12:21Oh, my God.
12:22Oh, my God.
12:23Oh, my God.
12:24Oh, my God.
12:25Make sure.
12:26Oh, my God.
12:27Here we go.
12:28Say your favorite number up to 10.
12:29Say number up to 10.
12:30Seven.
12:31Okay, so the trick is to you.
12:32Everybody's different, but you chose seven.
12:33When he said seven, did you guys see what I did?
12:34No.
12:35I took the sevens out of the deck like this.
12:36I just pulled the two sevens out of the deck.
12:37Yeah, nobody saw that, right?
12:38Because I was like talking here.
12:39And, oh, and I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,
12:40So what's up for us?
12:41Why is that?
12:42No, you did not.
12:43No.
12:44Impossible.
12:45There's no way.
12:46Can we look?
12:47Yeah, it's up to you.
12:48No.
12:49What the hell is happening?
12:50I quit, I quit.
12:51It's okay.
12:52Sir, can you open your hand?
12:53Show us.
12:54It's open.
12:55Show us, show us.
12:56Can I help?
12:57Can I help you with this?
12:58What did you do here?
12:59Can you show us what you did here?
13:00Oh, I can show you?
13:01Okay.
13:02Yeah.
13:03I mean it's just, it's like hand at hand kind of thing.
13:04I did a little bit with my hand.
13:05There's how we got.
13:06Oh, it's crazy.
13:07When you open your hand, show us.
13:09What?
13:10Get out of town.
13:14Wow, this is amazing.
13:15What?
13:16Are you Jesus?
13:19I'll let you guys get back to your show.
13:24Get out of here!
13:25Get out of here!