Murphy Brown Season 4 Episode 23 He-Ho, He-Ho, It's Off To Lamaze We Go
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00:00Murphy, as a medical professional, I feel it's my duty to tell you, if you don't stop eating so much, the next time I weigh you, it's gonna be down in the zoo.
00:19Oh, sure, blame me. You're the one that has a giant bowl of carrot clusters in the waiting room. By the way, it needs refilling.
00:26Now, listen, the worse shape you're in, the harder your delivery's going to be. Haven't they talked about that in your Lamaze class?
00:34Oh, right, the Lamaze class. You know, I was going to sign up, and then I started thinking, this whole natural childbirth thing doesn't seem very practical. We're both busy women.
00:44So I just thought, maybe we should go ahead and schedule a cesarean right now.
00:50Let me get this straight. You want to schedule a C-section?
00:54Uh-huh. Now, my due date is the 17th, but that's a Sunday, and all the good stores are closed, which means I'll wind up with a room full of junk from the hospital gift shop.
01:02So I thought, maybe we could do it on Monday, the 18th. And I'm not really a morning person, so could we do it after lunch?
01:08Why not wait until after dinner? I'm always a little looser after a couple of glasses of Chardonnay.
01:14Murphy, we do not schedule C-sections unless there's a solid medical reason for it.
01:20I'm surprised at you. I would have thought you would want the whole natural childbirth experience.
01:26Oh, right, the unforgettable thrill of passing a bowling ball. Oh, boy, sign me up.
01:32Oh, look, Murphy.
01:33If you didn't want to go through the harvest, you shouldn't have let that farmer plant your field.
01:38Now, I want you to get yourself a partner and sign up for one of those Lamaze classes as soon as possible.
01:48Okay, okay, but I still say it's a waste of time.
01:51I already know how to breathe, and I'm the last person in the world that needs to learn how to push.
01:56Yeah, tell me about it.
01:58Hey, Murph, how's it going?
02:05Looking at the old computer, huh?
02:07Good.
02:09Just thought I'd drop by, see how things went at the doctor today.
02:14176 pounds, Frank.
02:16Unbelievable.
02:17Earl in the mailroom wins the pool again.
02:19Frank, I have to ask you something.
02:27It's kind of silly, and I'll understand if you say no, but I signed up for one of those natural childbirth classes where you need a coach, and I was wondering, would you...
02:37Are you kidding?
02:38Of course I'll do it.
02:40I mean, to actually help bring a child into the world, I can't imagine anything that would be more incredible.
02:46And the fact that it's your kid...
02:49Oh, Murph, I can't tell you what this means to me.
02:52Great.
02:53The first class is this Saturday.
02:54I can't make it.
02:55What do you mean you can't make it?
02:57Oh, I've got to be in Connecticut for the closing of that naval shipyard, but I can make all the rest of the classes.
03:03You just take notes, and I'll catch up when I get back.
03:05I don't know, Frank.
03:07I don't think this is going to work.
03:08I'm taking one of those compressed classes that covers everything in two weekends.
03:12You'll miss too much.
03:13Oh, man.
03:14I'm a best friend, a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I won't be there.
03:20Murph, I'm going to make this up to you.
03:23I'm going to find somebody to take my place, somebody who's not out of town half the time.
03:27What about Jim?
03:29Okay, it's worth a shot.
03:31Why not?
03:38Jim, buddy, and guess what?
03:40Murphy just got back from the doctor, and she has got some great news for you, don't you, Murph?
03:46Well, I won the pool.
03:48Yes.
03:49And Earl in the mailroom said 200 pounds was over the top.
03:56Jim.
03:56Jim.
03:57You didn't win the pool.
04:00Murphy wants you to be her Lamaze partner.
04:02Oh.
04:06Oh, my.
04:09What an unexpected surprise.
04:10Oh, Jim, I didn't mean to embarrass you.
04:12It's okay.
04:13It was just a stupid idea.
04:15No, no, no, no.
04:15Murphy, I'm deeply flattered.
04:18It's just that I come from a generation that doesn't handle this sort of thing very well.
04:23Honestly, Doris and I were married five years before we stopped undressing in the dark.
04:28It's okay, Jim.
04:29I understand.
04:29No, I'm sorry, Murphy, but if there's anything else you need, you can count on me.
04:35Why, I'll even drive you and the little fellow home from the hospital.
04:38As long as we can find some way to protect my upholstery against any unforeseen baby leakage.
04:44As a matter of fact, I think the seats are already treated, and if they're not, perhaps there's still time.
04:48Why don't I call my dealership and find out right now?
04:52All right.
04:53So, Jim's out.
04:55There are a lot of other possibilities.
04:57What about Miles?
04:59Yeah, he's used to dealing with pressure.
05:02Miles, come here, sir.
05:05Go ahead, ask him.
05:07Ask me what?
05:09Miles, would you like to be my Lamaze partner?
05:12Oh, my God.
05:16Oh, my God.
05:19Murphy.
05:20That you would ask me to do this, it means so much.
05:25This isn't something you ask your boss.
05:27This is something you ask a friend.
05:30A close friend.
05:32Someone you really...
05:33Frank couldn't do it, right?
05:36Scheduling problems.
05:38It's okay.
05:39I understand.
05:39I mean, you've known each other since you got here.
05:41But the fact that you would pick me second, that is still so...
05:48Jim was second, wasn't he?
05:50Miles, first choice, third choice.
05:52Who cares?
05:53The point is, you're the one who's going to do it.
05:55You're the one she's going to be depending on.
05:58That's all that matters.
06:00You're right, Frank.
06:01I was just being selfish.
06:02This isn't about me.
06:03It's about Murphy.
06:04Hi.
06:05What are you all talking about?
06:07Miles is going to be Murphy's Lamaze partner.
06:10Really?
06:11Oh, Miles, that is so wonderful.
06:16Sharing an experience as incredible as this.
06:20Holding her hand through those long hours of labor.
06:24Cooling her forehead as the contractions build.
06:27And then the beautiful moment when the baby's head actually emerges from the...
06:34Oh, I envy you.
06:41Gee, it is going to be amazing, isn't it, Murphy?
06:53Yeah.
06:53You and me?
06:55Can you imagine that first story meeting after the baby's born?
06:59Oh.
07:00I'll look across the table and I won't just see Murphy Brown, hard-nosed journalist and colleague.
07:06No, I'll see a woman whose innermost secrets were spread out in front of me like a buffet table.
07:11Maybe we should just forget about this.
07:16Oh, you're going to spend the rest of my life trying.
07:21Okay.
07:22Hey, this is not a problem.
07:25We've still got lots of options.
07:27Of course you do.
07:29And one of them is standing right here.
07:32I'll be your Lamaze partner.
07:34What?
07:36Think about it, Murphy.
07:38Who better than a woman to give you the compassion you'll need in your time of trial?
07:43And don't forget, Murphy.
07:45I was brought up on a farm.
07:47I've had my arm and a cow all the way up to here.
07:50Lick at night's got the funny...
07:54Ellen?
07:56Ellen, are you here?
07:57Ah, you're home.
07:59You will be very happy to know that I adjusted the angle of that prison that I hung in the nursery window.
08:04Tomorrow morning, the room will be flooded with rainbows.
08:08And I think I got rid of that reflection that caused that trash can fire next door.
08:13Do you have a minute? I wanted to talk to you about something.
08:18Sure.
08:18Great. Why don't we just go sit on the sofa, put our feet up, and have a chat, okay?
08:23Okay.
08:30Comfy?
08:32Why are you being so nice?
08:33Oh, God, did you hit my truck again?
08:37Ellen, isn't it funny how when you have a problem and you don't think there's a solution,
08:41sometimes you look in front of you and you see that the answer has been there the whole time?
08:47Ellen, what I'm trying to say is,
08:50Ellen, I want you to be my Lamaze partner.
08:54Oh.
08:59So,
09:00my moment of truth has come at last.
09:06You know, for some reason, I never pictured it like this.
09:09I thought we'd be in the kitchen. I don't know why.
09:13I know we're kind of an unlikely pair,
09:15but since you've been so excited and concerned about this baby,
09:18I thought this might be something you'd want to do.
09:23So did I. I mean,
09:24wow, I always figured that when this,
09:27when this tiny person took its first breath,
09:31that I would be there.
09:32But now that it's actually happening,
09:35I,
09:35I realized,
09:38well, we're talking major commitment here.
09:40You know, I've always been a free spirit.
09:41I'm,
09:42I'm a rambling man.
09:43I don't stick around in one place very long.
09:45Ellen, you've been painting my house for four years.
09:49Okay.
09:50Okay.
09:51But I could have left if I wanted to.
09:52See, that's my point.
09:54If I do this,
09:55then, uh,
09:57then I'm,
09:58I'm part of something much bigger than I am.
10:00And maybe I'd never be able to leave again.
10:06Wow.
10:06Is that something I really want?
10:09All right.
10:10All right.
10:10I understand.
10:12As a matter of fact,
10:13I don't even know if I'm going to take this class myself.
10:15I'm only doing it because my doctor wanted me to.
10:19I'd be a complete waste of time.
10:21Wait, wait, wait a minute.
10:23What are you saying?
10:24That you're going to go into this thing totally alone and unprepared?
10:28You know what a screamer you are.
10:29You probably alienate everyone at the hospital,
10:33create an environment of hostility, bitterness.
10:36I can't let a child be born into a room with that kind of energy.
10:41Ellen, are you telling me you'll do it?
10:45I'll take the class and see how it feels,
10:47but that's all I can promise right now.
10:49I know what a big step this is for you.
10:53What, are you kidding?
10:54The last time I made this kind of commitment,
10:56I had to buy four albums a year at regular club prices.
10:59Now, before we begin,
11:08I want to congratulate you all
11:10on choosing natural childbirth.
11:16It's going to be one of the most magical
11:18and profound experiences of your lives.
11:21All you need is your innate ability to love
11:24and support each other.
11:26Oh, sure, take the cop side.
11:28Serious crimes are being committed,
11:30and he spends his day stopping pregnant women
11:32for minor traffic violations.
11:33You made a U-turn across four lanes.
11:35How else was I going to get that parking space?
11:38Hi, I'm sorry, we're allowed to be here.
11:41Oh, it's no problem.
11:42We were just getting started.
11:44Honey, it's Murphy Brown.
11:46Hey, how about that?
11:49We got a celebrity in the class.
11:52Maybe we should get started.
11:54Murphy, why don't you and Mr. Brown take a seat?
11:56Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
11:57My name is Eldon Bernicke.
11:59I am not her husband.
12:00I'm the house painter.
12:07Hey, it's okay, man.
12:08As long as you love each other, right?
12:10Yeah.
12:11Oh, what a secret.
12:16There's a series of strange and twisted events
12:18that has brought me to this place today.
12:24All right.
12:26I'll be teaching you techniques
12:28to help alleviate the anxiety
12:30surrounding the birth process.
12:33One technique is to visualize something
12:35that makes you feel secure or happy.
12:38What are some of the things you'd visualize?
12:41Elizabeth?
12:42Well, I would picture our beautiful
12:45and brilliant new baby
12:46asleep in her custom-made crib
12:48with sheets by Laura Ashley.
12:52Good answer.
12:54Practical, stylish, emotionally arresting.
12:56How many points do we get for that?
12:59Oh, we're not keeping scourge out of thin.
13:02Lisa?
13:02Well, I think I'd like to visualize
13:06our little dog, Pepper,
13:07especially the way he wags his tail
13:09when it's dinner time.
13:11That's a great image.
13:13Sally?
13:15My rose garden on a sunny day
13:17with the beams of light
13:19sort of dancing on the red and pink petals.
13:23Wonderful.
13:24And what are you seeing, Morphe?
13:26A big, fat IV full of painkillers.
13:33Okay.
13:34I think what I'm hearing here
13:35is a little bit of fear.
13:37After all, this is a life-altering experience.
13:39It's natural to have some concerns.
13:42Let's express our fears now
13:44and confront them.
13:45Anyone?
13:49Well, actually, we do have some fears.
13:53This is our first baby.
13:54Dave and I always concentrated on our careers,
13:57and I was going to say that!
14:00Well, at our age,
14:03we know it won't be easy,
14:05but we're a team,
14:06and we're going to face this thing together.
14:08Excuse me, Dave.
14:10Together?
14:11What exactly do you mean by that?
14:13You'll push out the baby for a few hours
14:15while Sally strolls across the street
14:17to the driving range
14:18to hit a bucket of balls?
14:19I just want to remind everyone
14:22I'm not her husband.
14:26Morphe,
14:27I think all Dave is saying
14:29is that he wants to do whatever he can
14:31to make it easy for his wife.
14:33In committing to this process,
14:35the birth coach takes on
14:37tremendous responsibility.
14:39The mother may become
14:40completely dependent on him,
14:42looking to him to help her
14:43through the most challenging hours of her life.
14:46Yes, Alvin?
14:49Uh, yeah,
14:50I have a few questions.
14:52Is the baby slippery when it comes out?
14:56Will I be wearing a glove
14:57or some sort of mitt
14:59to catch the baby?
15:01Has anyone ever dropped the baby?
15:03And can the baby see,
15:05like, if I was to take off,
15:07and would it remember that later in life?
15:11You're going to do fine, Alvin.
15:12Huh?
15:13Touch relaxation
15:19is a way of reducing anxiety.
15:23Light stroking of the hair
15:24should be done
15:25in a gentle, even rhythm
15:27to achieve a calming effect.
15:30What the hell are you doing?
15:52I'm practicing a relaxation technique.
15:55Well, jeez,
15:55why don't you just toss me a biscuit
15:57and check my belly for tics?
16:01You know,
16:02I don't understand this.
16:04I'm the only one
16:05who's doing any work here.
16:06Oh, why should I work?
16:08Everything they're teaching
16:09is just common sense.
16:11When the time comes,
16:12the baby will be born,
16:13and that's it.
16:15Sorry for the delay.
16:16I was on the phone with Robin.
16:19He and Lisa had their baby.
16:21Oh, wait a minute.
16:23What do you mean
16:24they had their baby?
16:25She's not due
16:26until a week after I am.
16:28This might be a good time
16:29to remind everyone
16:30that a due date
16:31is just an approximation.
16:33The important thing
16:34is that Robbie and Lisa
16:35came through with flying colors.
16:37Oh, yeah?
16:37Let's hear some specifics.
16:38How long did it take?
16:40Not unusually long
16:42for a first baby.
16:43Well, what does that mean?
16:4410 hours?
16:4515?
16:4620?
16:4739?
16:47Did you hear that?
16:5239 hours.
16:53That's a bus ride to Boise.
16:56You know, Dave,
16:57this may be tougher
16:58than we thought.
16:59Gee, no kidding.
17:00Tell me, Dave,
17:00have you ever tried
17:01to get out of your car
17:02through the exhaust pipe?
17:05Why don't we practice
17:06the breathing techniques
17:07we learned last week?
17:08Let's start with the pattern
17:10for active labor.
17:13Okay, what do we do?
17:15Oh, I see.
17:16You don't pay attention.
17:17You don't read the literature.
17:18Then expect me
17:19to come to your aid.
17:20Eldon, would you please?
17:23Okay, you do this.
17:25Hee, hee, hee, oh.
17:28Oh, come on.
17:29That can't be right.
17:35What are you doing?
17:41Stop watching me.
17:42Chris, she's copying us.
17:48I was simply admiring
17:51no-take-me.
17:52Maybe there's something
17:53I can do to show you
17:54how important all this is.
17:57Get comfortable, everybody.
17:58We're gonna look at a film now.
18:03Oh, boy.
18:04Movies.
18:05The first signs appear.
18:14The first sensations are felt.
18:17You're about to begin
18:18your labor of love.
18:22Hang in there, honey.
18:24You're doing great.
18:25She's beautiful, honey.
18:36And so are you.
18:43So there you have it.
18:45The birth experience.
18:46Up close and personal.
18:47It's one thing
18:49to talk about it in theory
18:50and another
18:51to actually witness
18:52the process
18:53with all its wonders
18:55and it's...
18:55What the hell
18:56was that?
18:59Did you see that?
19:01Did you see that enormous,
19:03real, live human being
19:06come out of that woman?
19:08That's gonna be me.
19:11That's gonna be all of us.
19:13It already happened to Lisa.
19:15Lisa, who knows who's next?
19:18You're dropping like flies.
19:22Yes, the film usually makes
19:25an impact the way
19:25no other tool can.
19:27Forget about the film.
19:29I've gotta go over
19:29the breathing exercises
19:30right now.
19:31And after that,
19:32I need to review
19:33the birthing positions.
19:34I can't remember if you...
19:35All right, come on.
19:36We covered that stuff already.
19:38You know, Dave,
19:39you've got an awful lot
19:40to say for somebody
19:41without a uterus.
19:43All right, now,
19:43let's buckle down here.
19:45Transition labor.
19:49Who can tell me
19:50what that is?
19:52I'm sorry, Murphy.
19:53It's almost 5 o'clock.
19:55Time to call an end
19:56to our training.
19:57I hope you all
19:58found the class helpful,
19:59and I wish you
20:00the best of luck.
20:01Look!
20:02I paid good money
20:03for this class.
20:04If this was about luck,
20:05I'd be having this baby
20:06on the crap table
20:06at Caesars.
20:07I need that training.
20:09I have a lot of questions.
20:10Thanks a lot, Chris.
20:11I learned a lot.
20:12Okay, okay.
20:13Now, during active labor,
20:14I can stand, walk,
20:16sit in a rocking chair,
20:17and walk...
20:17Well, I'll tell you
20:17how it all goes.
20:18Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:19When I'm at 4 centimeters,
20:21I have how many minutes
20:22the kids are dropping...
20:22You are an excellent teacher,
20:24Chris.
20:24I feel totally prepared.
20:26Ah, will you stop
20:27sucking up?
20:27I'm in the middle
20:28of a question.
20:30I'm gonna videotape
20:31the whole thing.
20:32I'll send you a copy.
20:33Great.
20:33I'll add it to my library
20:34salon.
20:36Well, goodbye.
20:37No!
20:37No, wait!
20:38You can't leave!
20:39I'm having a baby.
20:40I don't know what to do.
20:41Maybe you should
20:42take another class.
20:43Yes, another class.
20:44That's exactly what I need.
20:46What are you teaching again?
20:47Murphy,
20:48may I tell you something?
20:50I'd rather give birth
20:52to a two-ton flatbed truck
20:54than to go through
20:54another class with you.
20:56No, no.
20:57That's not enough.
20:58A two-ton truck
20:59loaded with farm equipment.
21:01No, no, no.
21:02Loaded with one
21:03of those big tractors
21:04they use to pull
21:05the space shuttle
21:05under the launch pad.
21:07And the guy driving it
21:08so fast.
21:09Okay, okay.
21:09I get the point.
21:11You'd rather not.
21:14Eldon,
21:15it was nice meeting you.
21:17And good luck.
21:19You're gonna need it.
21:25Oh, God.
21:28This...
21:29This is incredible.
21:32For the past eight months,
21:36I've been going along
21:37saying I'm fine.
21:40But this is really
21:41gonna happen.
21:45Eldon,
21:46I don't know
21:48if I'm ready
21:48for this baby.
21:51Well, you don't know.
21:52What about me?
21:54I mean,
21:54I came to this class
21:55expecting to figure
21:56some things out.
21:58And look at me,
21:59I can't even figure out
22:00how to get this baby
22:01out of this stupid sweater.
22:02I always act like
22:04such a jerk.
22:06Making fun of love
22:08and togetherness
22:09and all that stuff.
22:11I guess it just
22:12makes me uncomfortable.
22:13I've always done things
22:16on my own.
22:18And usually,
22:20it's been okay.
22:24But,
22:25I don't know.
22:29Maybe I'll finally
22:30hit that place
22:31in my life
22:31where
22:32it's time to admit
22:35I need somebody.
22:36I'd like that somebody
22:41to be you.
22:49You know,
22:50as an artist,
22:52I tend to look at people
22:54as works of progress.
22:57some don't turn
22:59into very much
23:00and
23:00others can really
23:03surprise you.
23:05You know,
23:06when I first met you,
23:07I thought,
23:09well,
23:09you had some
23:10interesting colors,
23:11but
23:11I have to be honest,
23:15I really wasn't
23:17very impressed.
23:17but lately,
23:21those
23:22tongs have been
23:23getting much
23:24deeper.
23:27It's
23:28it's a real
23:31nice look for you.
23:36What are you saying,
23:37Heldon?
23:38Are you saying
23:39you'll do it?
23:40You'll be there for me?
23:42Oh, God.
23:46Oh, God.
23:47Okay.
23:57Come on,
23:58I'll take you home.
24:01I'm still pretty scared
24:02about this whole thing,
24:03you know.
24:04I know.
24:05Just
24:06just breathe.
24:08Hee,
24:08hee,
24:09hee,
24:10ho.
24:11Hee,
24:12hee,
24:13hee,
24:13ho.
24:14Honey,
24:14you're gonna do
24:15just fine.
24:16Honey?
24:16It was
24:17in the movie.
24:25Up next
24:26on Roseanne,
24:27there's trouble
24:28at the Connor
24:28household.
24:29Alien lifeforms
24:30have invaded
24:31and they're
24:31taking over.
24:33Good Lord,
24:33they're after
24:34the corn.
24:35Actually,
24:35we're just
24:36messing with you.
24:37That's not
24:37what happened
24:38at all.
24:38They're really
24:39after the broccoli.
24:40Roseanne is next
24:41on Nick at Night.
24:42and 힘�board at the
24:44boots.
24:45Whoa.
24:46Good Lord.
24:46Good Lord.
24:55Good Lord.
24:56Good Lord.
24:57Good Lord.
24:57Thank you so much.
24:58Good Lord.
24:58Bye.
25:01Bye.
25:02tych of my
25:02up.
25:02Good Lord.
25:03God tôi
25:03will
25:05vagy dere