Murphy Brown Season 4 Episode 21 Rage Before Beauty
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00:01Suddenly, you came into my life
00:05And gave it meaning and building up
00:09Now the looks I've learned to do without
00:13For now I know it's love that will get out
00:18I know it's all it's indeed
00:20And one day I know that will...
00:24Nooo...
00:30Okay, very funny
00:32Come on out here, old McDonald
00:34Elsie wants to talk to you
00:38Can you believe that?
00:40Okay, I know I've gained a few pounds
00:42But I think I'm carrying them pretty darn well
00:45I don't know why people are looking at me like I violated some local zoning law
00:49Let's order lunch
00:51Murphy, perhaps we shouldn't be thinking about food so much
00:56After all, when we got pregnant we were only supposed to gain 30 pounds
01:01I don't think they meant per limb
01:04You know, Merv, I had a one gallon bucket of cheese popcorn in my office
01:11I opened it up yesterday and somebody had sucked it clean
01:16Why don't you just come right out and say it
01:19I'm a hoover, I'm huge
01:21And wherever I walk, a great shadow falls upon the lands
01:25That's certainly not the case, Slugger
01:28We're just concerned you may be a little out of...
01:31Concerned that you might be letting yourself...
01:34That you...
01:36Hell, what's a polite way to say your thighs are starting to make noise when you walk?
01:40Well, I'm proud of the way I look
01:44This is motherhood in all its splendor and glory
01:47I'm a miracle of nature
01:50Now, if you'll all excuse me, I think there's a raisin bagel in my file cabinet
01:59Hi, I'm Murphy Brown, you must be my...
02:01Good morning, Miss Brown, I'm Jane Sokol, your new secretary
02:04Oh, this is your first, isn't it?
02:07I had my baby four years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday
02:12Ouch!
02:17So, Jane, I'm working on an extremely important interview with Boris Yeltsin for tomorrow night
02:23And just out of curiosity, what did you mean when you said, ouch?
02:26Oh, you don't wanna know
02:29I was in labor for 37 hours
02:31Over a day and a half of the most horrible, unbelievable pain I've ever felt in my life
02:37And I was pinned under a bus once, so I know pain
02:41I had to tie me down to the table after I kicked my obstetrician in the windpipe
02:46My husband took a video
02:47It's just hour after hour of me begging to be killed
02:52You're fired
02:55Oh, you don't mean that
03:01Morning, Murphy, and how are you feeling today?
03:04Miles, how long before cream cheese goes bad?
03:07Maybe I can scrape it off
03:10Don't wanna interrupt, I know you're working on your Yeltsin thing
03:12Boy, are we proud of you for landing that
03:15Speaking of tonight's show, we're gonna have you do the interview from behind the anchor desk
03:19Well, gotta go
03:20Get your little tweed self back in here, Miles
03:24Oh, I don't really have to come in, Murphy
03:26This is more of a stick-your-head-in-the-door kind of conversation
03:29If you don't come in, it'll be more of a slam-your-head-in-the-door kind of conversation
03:34Okay, Miles
03:36Why am I doing the interview behind the desk?
03:39It's just a temporary thing, Murphy
03:42The network thinks it'll be a more comfortable arrangement between you and the audience
03:46The network thinks
03:47Now, there's an oxymoron if ever I knew you
03:52I know what this is about
03:53They think I'm fat, don't they?
03:56They think rope should be tied to my ankles so I could float next to Bullwinkle in the Macy's parade
04:01Well, fine, they're entitled to their opinion
04:04But as far as I'm concerned, my weight is nobody's business but my own
04:09Just so you know, I went to bat for you on this
04:11I told them it was ridiculous
04:12I mean, even if he'd put you behind a desk, they're still gonna see those big upper arms
04:17I don't think that's exactly how I worded it
04:20Oh, this is too perfect
04:24Instead of worrying about better election coverage, the great minds at the network are busy trying to hide jumbo behind the desk
04:30Face it, Murphy, the network cares about how their reporters look
04:33That's why they have things like that appearance clause in your contract
04:37What appearance clause? What are you talking about?
04:40It's a standard clause for on-air talent that says you can't drastically alter your appearance without the approval of the network
04:46I cannot believe that after 15 years with this network, I would be subjected to something as
04:51As humiliating, as degrading, as ridiculous as an appearance clause
04:58Murphy, could you maybe limit your anger to one topic per day?
05:02The anchor desk, the appearance clause, people at the cash machines who forget their secret codes, pick one
05:07Oh, don't worry, Miles, this stupid clause has my full attention
05:10Come on, we're going upstairs and talk to Gene Kinsella about it right now
05:13Forget it! His secretary says he's in top-level meetings all day
05:17I called him twice this morning to talk about a budget problem, he couldn't even come to the phone
05:19Fine, I'll just go by myself, I'm sure your name won't come up more than seven or eight times
05:25Good morning, Louise, I'd like to speak with Gene for a minute, please
05:32He said he didn't want to be disturbed, but I'll check
05:35Of course, have her check
05:38Why miss an opportunity to put poor Louise in an awkward position?
05:41If he can't talk to me about the budget, he certainly doesn't have time to talk
05:44Right in, Murphy
05:49Good morning, Brownie
05:52I'd get down, but we're right in the middle of my cuffs, you understand, Silverberg
05:56I guess you didn't get my message, Mr. Kinsella
05:59I was told you were in top-level meetings all day
06:01What a surprise to see you standing on a little box
06:03Well, there's a lesson to be learned here, Silverberg
06:07It can't all be work, work, work
06:09Pamper yourself every now and then, isn't that right, Leon?
06:10I'm working with pins here, stop moving somebody
06:14So what can I do for you, Brownie?
06:17Gene, Miles and I were having a little chat
06:20And he happened to mention something about an appearance clause in my contract
06:24All right, it's a standard clause, what's the problem?
06:26I'm out!
06:27The problem is that I find it slightly demeaning
06:30I mean, to say that I can't change my hair color or get a nose job or dress differently without your permission implies that how I look has something to do with how I do my job
06:39I think that's a little silly, don't you?
06:42Well, Brownie, no, that clause is just a formality
06:44A protection against any of our on-camera people letting themselves go to seed
06:48Now, we both know that's never going to apply to you
06:51You're a beautiful woman, large but beautiful
06:54Thank you, Gene, so remove the clause
06:57I can't do that
06:59Oh, Leon, the pins
07:01I warned you, didn't I?
07:03Let's take a break
07:05If I could just interject, Mr. Kinsella, Murphy
07:08Personally, in principle, I agree with Murphy that the clause shouldn't be necessary
07:12However, she did sign the contract, so any changes would probably best be dealt with in future negotiations
07:19I know this might sound like a mere recapitulation of the problem at hand
07:23And listening to myself, I realize that's exactly what I've done
07:26But, perhaps in some small way, I've clarified the situation for all parties concerned
07:31I think I'm done
07:33Where'd you get that jacket?
07:35Excuse me?
07:36It doesn't hang right, I saw it when you came in
07:38Get on the box something
07:40That's okay, I have it, Taylor
07:41You're a liar, stand still
07:45Gene, you can't honestly tell me you believe that a journalist's appearance has anything to do with their competency?
07:51Well, of course not, but face the facts, the news is ugly
07:56Hearing it from an attractive person is the only thing that makes it tolerable
07:59Can you imagine ugly people doing the news?
08:03Why, our suicide rate would jump beyond Sweden's
08:06Crazy me
08:07And to think that all this time I thought you'd kept me around for the past 15 years because I was a good reporter
08:14Brownie, you're a fantastic reporter
08:17But it's all part of the package
08:19Look, a lot of people watch FYI because it's a hard-hitting news program
08:24And whether you like it or not, a lot of people watch because Murphy Brown is a sexy woman with blonde hair and terrific legs
08:29But let's ask the great recapitulator
08:34Do you ever notice Murphy's legs?
08:36Ah, well, interesting question
08:41I am, of course, aware of the fact that she does have legs
08:46But as to whether or not I would actually be able to, say, pick them out of a line-up
08:52Well, that's a different story
08:53That's a different story
08:54If you keep sweating like this, you're going to ruin the lining
08:59Brownie, look at it from my perspective
09:02This is the news business
09:04If we lose a single rating point, why, we're looking at millions of dollars in lost revenue
09:09Gene, I'm going to ask you one more time
09:12Are you going to remove the clause?
09:14No
09:16So let me understand this
09:18Are you saying no?
09:22Give it up, Murphy
09:24Fine, you're so interested in my legs, you can watch them carry me out of the room
09:31You got a lover, right?
09:34Take off the pens, they'll be ready Friday
09:39I don't understand why Murphy's upset, I don't know about this appearance clause either
09:42What is it with you people? Am I the only one around here who reads their contract?
09:48Oh, yeah, it's on my reading list
09:50I'm going to get to it as soon as I finish the Magna Carta
09:53Well, my daddy gave me two pieces of advice
09:56Never sign anything without reading it first
10:00And never dance with a sharp object in your mouth
10:03Cousin Lila fell while square dancing with a cherry sucker
10:07And it severed off her uvula
10:09I made a big impression on him
10:15Did you see how ticked off Murphy was when she came out of Kinsella's office yesterday?
10:20I tell you it's been a while, Murphy all worked up fighting against the establishment
10:24I know what it's like when she gets that way
10:27I'm going to Canada for a while, who's coming with me?
10:32Hi everybody!
10:33Can you believe it?
10:37I don't know
10:39I was angry yesterday and you know what they say
10:43Never operate heavy machinery or get a haircut when you're angry
10:47Please tell me you don't think it looks terrible, what do you think?
10:51It makes your head look so...small
10:55Well, this certainly is very different
11:01What would they call that?
11:03Perked, perky, frightening
11:06I'm sorry Murphy, I didn't mean that last morning
11:09Frank, what do you think?
11:12Be honest
11:14You look like John Candy
11:15Good morning everyone
11:16Jim, Frank, Corky
11:21Ah!
11:23You!
11:25Hair!
11:27Gone!
11:29I know
11:31Jim said he thought it was perky
11:33Didn't you say perky, Jim?
11:35How could you do this?
11:37Fine, get a little trim
11:39But this?
11:41Custer had more hair at the end
11:43You don't like it
11:44Oh, I'm sorry
11:45I didn't mean to give you that impression
11:47When are you gonna fly away and join the other lost boys?
11:50Come on everyone, my career is dead
11:53But maybe if we believe and clap our hands together real hard, it'll come back to life
11:59Okay, I made a mistake
12:02I went to a new place yesterday and they talked me into something I shouldn't have done
12:06I knew I was in trouble when I saw that sign over the cash register that said servicemen welcome
12:11Oh, she is so innocent
12:14I know what you're up to, Murphy
12:16This isn't a girlish whim, this is you punishing me for that appearance clause
12:20Miles, is that the kind of person you think I am?
12:23Oh God, I wonder if Kinsella's hurt
12:26Maybe he won't find out
12:28Maybe he'll forget to watch the show for the next two or three months
12:31So by that time you'll be thin and hairy again
12:33Oh, I think he's probably hurt by now
12:36It's a funny thing, I spent a lot of time in the lobby this morning
12:40Walking back and forth in front of the newsstand
12:42You know where all those corporate guys who work next to Kinsella's office stopped to buy the morning paper?
12:48Yup, back and forth
12:53My lungs are filling with fluid
12:56Hi, Miss Brown
12:58Very practical haircut
13:00Long hair just gets knotted up during delivery
13:03It's from all the writhing
13:04Anyway, Mr. Kinsella is on line one
13:07He says it's urgent
13:11Morning Gene, how are the...
13:12What's that?
13:14Yes, it's true
13:16Well, it is short
13:19How short?
13:21Jim said it was perky
13:23Fine
13:25And will you want to see Miles too?
13:27I thought you would
13:30Well, we'll be right up
13:33Bye now
13:35Coming, Miles?
13:39Oh, my God
13:42Oh, my God
13:45I don't believe this
13:47It's so short
13:49It's shorter than short
13:51Wow
13:53Well, Gene, I decided that with the baby coming I could use an easy to care for hairstyle
13:59You know, Mr. Kinsella
14:01I think we've all had the experience of looking a little funny after a haircut
14:05Who among us hasn't gone home, looked in the mirror and said,
14:09Darn, they took too much off the top
14:18Or the sides
14:20The point is, this is a temporary thing
14:22It's not a tragedy
14:23Not that losing one's hair is a tragedy
14:25Not by any means
14:26What a lovely photo of Mrs. Kinsella
14:29Brownie, do you honestly think I'm going to accept this as a slip of the scissors?
14:35We all know what's going on here
14:37This was an act of defiance, pure and simple
14:40And one of my better ones, if I do say so
14:43But now that it's done, Gene, don't you think you're overreacting?
14:47The people who watch don't care if I change my hair
14:50You'll see after tonight's show
14:51George, what do you think?
14:52How badly can this hurt us?
14:54Well, Gene, the numbers speak for themselves
14:57When audiences were asked what quality they admired about Murphy Brown
15:0162% of the urban males 18 to 35 listed her trademark main of air at or near the top
15:07Gentlemen, I'm afraid we are in for a ratings disaster worse than the Jane Pauley home perm fiasco of 1984
15:13Gene, I'm dying
15:16You might as well put a plastic bag over my head and tie it with a twisty
15:22I battle every day to sell airtime during a recession
15:27Do you know which advertisers I've lined up for tonight's show?
15:30A shampoo
15:33A hairspray
15:35They're gonna take one look at Friar Tuck here and come after me with a rug
15:39I think we're all forgetting one very important thing here
15:44Mary Lou Retton
15:46She had short hair and America loved her
15:49Remember her, Mr. Kinsella?
15:51Mary Lou, America's Spitfire
15:53Little cutie, short hair, perfect score
15:55Walter
15:57There's a blatant and deliberate violation of the appearance clause
16:00There is not a court in this country that could look at that head and not find enough favor
16:04Mill, come on, we're all in this together
16:05Oh, you're in it, my friend, you're in it deep
16:07Gene, we could sue them both
16:08I could prove shed liability like that
16:11Mill, Mill
16:13Norm, can't your people do some sort of damage control on this?
16:17Sure
16:18It always falls for publicity to clean up the mess
16:20Okay, okay, there's gotta be a way we can put a positive spin on this
16:23Less hair, more news
16:29Murphy Brown, it's like getting the news from your brother
16:34None of this is helping
16:35The woman goes on the air with a highly publicized major interview in less than 12 hours
16:41Brownie, I don't know what the technical term is, but maybe you could, you know, poof it?
16:46Poof it?
16:48Poof it?
16:50Yeah, yeah, you know, poof it
16:53Most women do that
16:55Okay, that said, I've heard enough
16:58Gentlemen, I suggest you watch FYI tonight
17:02You're going to see what the rest of America sees
17:04A compelling, thought-provoking interview with Boris Yeltsin
17:08And unless he shows up wearing pigtails, I guarantee you nobody will be talking about hair tomorrow
17:14Oh, and gentlemen, if you still want to see some poofing, may I suggest you go poof yourselves
17:20Look at night, scuffle
17:29Hey, Murph
17:30Hey, Frank, have you seen Miles?
17:32I was wondering if he'd had any viewer response yet on last night's interview
17:36Oh, Murph, don't worry, you know, nobody wrote in when I stopped wearing my toupee
17:40Of course, cue letters would have been nice
17:44You know, somebody noticed, somebody was watching
17:48But America isn't saying
17:50Honey, here comes the Fontana segment, let's take the dog out to the curb
17:55Hi, Murph!
17:56Hello?
17:57Guys, hi!
17:58Have you seen Miles?
17:59I was wondering if he'd had any word about last night's show
18:02No, but Entertainment Tonight, Newsweek, and Time all called
18:05Looking for quotes about your new hair
18:07Jim, you spoke to them?
18:09They've been hounding me all morning
18:11Even to the media to make a story out of a non-issue
18:14I guarantee you, the average American viewer couldn't care less
18:18I'm sure you're right, Murphy
18:20But I think you should know, Glamour Magazine called
18:24Next month, your head's going to be a Glamour Don't
18:29Miles, hi!
18:31What's new?
18:32Not that anything has to be new
18:33I just thought you'd like to know we got 456 calls on your Yeltsin interview
18:38Yes!
18:39The American public comes through
18:42Uh-huh
18:44Seventeen callers liked the interview
18:47Forty-three thought you talked to too many foreigners
18:50And 396 called to register an opinion on your hair
18:54Oh
18:56Oh
18:58Of course
18:59We all know what kind of crackpots use the phone
19:02It's right there by the couch, easy to pick up and dial
19:05I myself once called Dean Rust to ask him if his refrigerator would
19:08We also got over a hundred telegrams
19:11Phone calls and telegrams, the classic tools of crackpots
19:15Side for yourself
19:16Dear FYI
19:22I tune in the show to watch your intelligent stories
19:26Ha!
19:28I also like to see Murphy Brown's hair
19:31I enjoy spending many hours trying to get my hair to look like hers
19:36What do I do now? Put my head in a weed whacker?
19:39Mrs. Marion Dugan, Patterson, New Jersey
19:46Poor Mrs. Dugan
19:48Imagine her pain
19:50Poor Mrs. Dugan
19:52This just proves it
19:54People have gone completely insane and their leader is Mrs. Marion Dugan of Patterson, New Jersey
19:59There are a few other messages
20:01Hated the hair
20:02Walter Cronkite
20:04What were you thinking?
20:06Diane Sawyer
20:07Love the new look
20:10John Candy
20:16Okay
20:18I give up
20:20The people have spoken
20:22And you know what?
20:23Deep down
20:25I always knew this is what they'd say, I just didn't want to believe it
20:29Oh Murphy, I'm so torn
20:32I know that it's not fair that we get judged on our looks
20:35But I also know that if I had a face like the dog's dinner, I'd still be back home handing out billy bars at the Dairy Queen
20:44I got a feeling guys, I'm a little lost here, I've never been the kind of person who cares about his appearance
20:49Oh, please
20:51You spend more time in a makeup chair than anyone
20:54I do not!
20:55You do too, you sneak in and pluck your eyebrows, we've all seen you
20:58I have to, I did it once and it flew back like horse hair
21:02Oh, beyond the tear
21:03We're all concerned about our looks
21:06Remember the Arthur-Kent frenzy during the Gulf War?
21:09Oh yeah, the scud stud
21:11You know, anybody can be sexy when they're standing on a roof with bombs going off right
21:16Yes, well, rumors had him up for every job at the network
21:19I bought some goop to take the grey out of my hair
21:23What stank to high heaven and Doris said she could see herself in the back of my head
21:28I'm using what's left to seal small cracks in my driveway
21:32I don't know what you're worrying about
21:35It's much easier for men to grow old in this society
21:38Oh, here it comes, the old double standard
21:41Well, it's true, you get distinguished, we get old
21:44You know, Miles, you're lucky you're behind the camera, you'll probably work forever
21:49Oh, really? News shows have to stay on the cutting edge
21:52You think the network's gonna listen to me when I'm an old codger of 35?
21:56I already met this up-and-coming producer at the Today Show
21:59He'd never even heard of the Go-Go's
22:04Little punk, probably has a Fisher-Price briefcase
22:09Older men journalists, but if you look around, there aren't any women over 60
22:12What happens? When you turn 59, suddenly you get dragged off the air by the wrinkled police?
22:19Well, there's always plastic surgery
22:23Oh, poor kid, give me a parade
22:25Fine, be that way, but a lot of people in our business do it
22:29Men, too
22:31Oh, please, I never take that route
22:33A nip here, a tuck there
22:35Next thing you know, your face is so tight, you look like you're flying on the wing of a Concorde
22:38The thing that really kills me is that one day I may not be allowed to do my job because I look too old
22:51Boy, what a difference
22:52I just wish there was something you could say to get people to change their minds on this
23:00Ah, give it up, Mer
23:01There's nothing you can do about it
23:03There's always something you can do, Frank
23:06Order me a double cheeseburger and a large order of fries
23:09Mer, I've already ate
23:10Okay, make it a small order
23:12Okay, make it a small order
23:13Hello, is this Mrs. Marion Dugan of Patterson, New Jersey?
23:38It is?
23:41It is?
23:43Mmm
23:44Thank you