Murphy Brown Season 4 Episode 22 Phil's Not So Silent Partner
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00:00segment up and put Jim's commentary behind Corky's piece. How do you feel about that, Jimbo?
00:04Well, this is odd. I only have 11 french fries. You're kidding. Look at those three. They aren't
00:09even full size. That one right there's black on one end. I don't know what that means, but I never
00:14eat those. With a pill burger, you normally get anywhere from 20 to 35 fries. Not that I count my
00:20french fries. That would border on the eccentric. 12. There's one under my lettuce. You know, this is
00:26why I hate working over lunch. Today, it's french fries. Yesterday, we couldn't plan our special
00:32on immigration because Murphy's bun didn't have sesame seeds on it. Miles, I've been eating
00:36here since 1977. 15 years of sesame seeds, and then one day, without warning, bang, ball buns.
00:45Hey, guys, look at my napkin. It doesn't have Phil's printed on it. Oh, good luck. No wonder
00:52you're always hungry, Frank. Nothing ever makes it into your mouth.
00:57I think that there's a pattern developing here. A lot of things have been different. You know,
01:02there is only one color chalk for the graffiti board in the men's room. I wouldn't have noticed,
01:07but I was drawing bush at the Japanese banquet, and I needed green for his face.
01:16Anyone here for dessert? Nope. Just the check, Phil. Hey, uh, Phil, you know,
01:20I noticed your napkins don't have your name printed on them. Oh, well, the supplier got
01:27my order mixed up and sent me 200. It said, happy 50th anniversary, Butch and Queenie. So
01:33I sent them back. Give me that, Frank. You guys go ahead. I'll catch up.
01:40Murphy's gonna pay the bill? Don't question it. Just get out before she changes her mind.
01:44Phil, you got a second? Oh, Murphy, you're not gonna hound me about that sesame seed thing again,
01:55are you? I told you yesterday it was some kind of mutant bun. I don't know how it got in there.
02:02I'm over that, Phil. But I know you pretty well, and I can tell when something's bothering you.
02:08Nothing's bothering me. Happy anniversary, Butch and Queenie, which I happen to know are the names of
02:14your two Irish setters. Okay, Murphy. No sense in trying to fool a good reporter.
02:19I'm cutting back on a few things around here because money's a little tight. Gee, Phil, I had no idea.
02:31Is there anything I can do? Yeah, sure. You can pull George Bush's head out of the sand,
02:38and if he still can't see the recession, you can kick his butt all the way back to Texas.
02:42Hit me pretty hard, Murphy. Cutting corners is about the only way I can keep my head above water.
02:54Have you thought about a loan, Phil? You know, just to get you over the rough period.
02:58Oh, sure. The bank hears the word restaurant, and it's all over. I might as well ask him to
03:05lend me money to buy a Chrysler stuff. You know, Phil, I've been saving money in an account
03:12for a rainy day. It can be your rain just as well as mine.
03:17Oh, Murphy, that's awful nice. But I couldn't do that. Phil's has pulled through tough times before.
03:27Prohibition, the Great Depression, 1989, when John Cennuto went on a diet.
03:32Thanks for the offer, but it'll work out all right.
03:40Are you sure, Phil? I'm sure. And, Murphy, I want to keep this just between you and me, okay?
03:48You have my word. And, Phil, remember, I'm here if you need me.
03:55Murphy? Yeah, Phil?
03:57Would you mind paying your check?
03:59All right.
04:10Murph, I am sitting on two great stories for the pitch meeting, but I don't know which one to hit Miles with first.
04:16What if someone confided in you that they had a problem, and you gave your word not to tell anyone,
04:22but it was the kind of thing that, by other people knowing, maybe something could be done about it?
04:28What'd you do?
04:28Oh, God. Corky's getting divorced, isn't she?
04:31Frank, this has nothing to do with Corky.
04:33It's Jim. He's sick. I thought he looked thin.
04:36Will you stop jumping to conclusions and answer my question?
04:39Miles is being fired?
04:40Frank!
04:41Is it me, Murph?
04:42Jeez, Frank, are you sure three days a week of therapy are enough for you?
04:46Look, Frank, if I tell you this, you've got to give me your word not to tell a soul.
04:55I mean it, Frank. This is important. I gave my word.
04:57And I give you mine. I promise. I swear on my mother's eyes.
05:02I'm not sure what that means. I saw it in an old Tony Curtis movie.
05:06Okay. It's Phil.
05:09He's dying.
05:09Oh, Jim, Frank, will you just shut up and listen? He's having financial problems. That's the reason for all the changes. And if things don't turn around, he may not be able to keep the place open.
05:21I don't believe it. Phil's is like my second home. If it had a washer-dryer, it'd be my first home.
05:30Story meeting time.
05:32What's wrong, Frank? TV guide call you Fred Fontana again?
05:35Remember, Frank, not a word.
05:43I know, I know.
05:44Okay, let's get moving.
05:46Frank, earlier you said you had two hot stories. Is that right?
05:50I did, but, uh...
05:53What if we were to do a story on how the recession is affecting small businesses?
05:59Frank!
06:00You're not pitching that old chestnut, are you?
06:0260 Minutes already did a piece on it. What else have you got?
06:06Could you give the man more than one sentence, Murphy?
06:08Go ahead, Frank.
06:09Well, I'm not just talking about any small businesses.
06:13I was thinking about the ones that have been in existence for years.
06:17Over 50 years. Even...
06:19Even 60 or 70.
06:21Don't go there, Frank.
06:23And what about the people who patronize these places on a day-to-day basis?
06:27What about them? To them, these aren't just stores or neighborhood bars.
06:31They're home and family.
06:33I can't believe you, Frank.
06:35You hold on to a secret for about two minutes,
06:37and then you've got to tell the world Phil's what's going under.
06:40I should have known better than to tell Phil's what's going under.
06:42What?
06:43What the hell?
06:44Are you crazy? I wasn't going to mention Phil's name.
06:46Well, you might as well have everybody know who you were talking about.
06:50God, so much for your mother's eyes, Frank.
06:52I can see her right now in Florida stumbling into the bingo table.
06:55Okay, you're crazy.
06:59Enough.
07:00Now, is this true?
07:02Is Phil actually going out of business?
07:04He may be forced to if things don't turn around.
07:07I offered to give him money, but he wouldn't take it.
07:09You know how proud he is.
07:11Indeed. Frankly, I'm surprised he'd even tell you this.
07:13He told it to me in complete confidence.
07:15That's why no one can repeat what Frank told you.
07:18Do you understand?
07:18What I told him?
07:19Frank wanted it.
07:20So, do I have your word on this?
07:22Yes.
07:22Of course.
07:23This is so hard to believe.
07:25Phil's is an institution.
07:26Think of all the information that's been passed from barstool to barstool and that old watering hole.
07:32What if we gave Phil a benefit?
07:35You know, like, barmaid.
07:37We could call it Phil-Aid.
07:40Forky, I told Phil I wouldn't tell anyone.
07:43Don't you think he's going to suspect something if Sting and Naomi Judd walk into the bar?
07:47You know, I don't mean to be the voice of doom here, but how can we help Phil if he won't take any money and we're not supposed to know anything about this?
07:56Miles is right.
07:57I don't think we have any choice but to just wait this out and see what happens.
08:01Who knows?
08:02Maybe the economy will turn around soon and everything will be okay.
08:06Oh, God, I'm a Republican.
08:13Whoa!
08:14Could you look at this place?
08:15I haven't seen a crowd like this since Jan Murray came to our temple.
08:18I can't believe it!
08:23It's a miracle!
08:25It's not a miracle.
08:27It's a disaster.
08:28I made a few calls to some of Phil's friends, but they weren't all supposed to show up on the same day.
08:33I told the A through L's to come today and the M through Z's to come on Wednesday.
08:38Look, there's Helen Thomas.
08:40What's the matter, Helen?
08:41You can't spell?
08:43Nice going, Murphy.
08:45Phil's going to hate this and it's only a matter of time before he traces it back to you.
08:48I don't see what the problem is.
08:51This is wonderful.
08:52As a matter of fact, I think you should march right over to Phil and take credit for this very sweet thing you've done.
08:59Murphy Brown, I want to talk to you.
09:03Lying like a rug.
09:06Hi, Phil.
09:08Hey, nice shirt.
09:10You leaked it, didn't you, Murphy?
09:11You leaked it?
09:13It had to be you.
09:14You're the only one I told.
09:15How could you do this to me, Murphy?
09:19You gave me your word.
09:21Now, Phil, let's keep in mind that Murphy had nothing but good intentions.
09:26And you know what they say.
09:28The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
09:33Although there's probably a better adage than that.
09:35Let's go over there, Corky, and think of one.
09:36You gave me your word.
09:42You got any idea how embarrassing this is?
09:47Dean Kirkpatrick gave me a $50 bill, said it's for interest on a quarter she borrowed in 1965.
09:54Didn't even know her in 1965.
09:58Felt like some cheap boy toy.
10:01Phil, look at this outpouring of love and support.
10:11It's like that movie, It's a Wonderful Life.
10:13Sure, it's a sappy, over-sentimental film, and nobody believes Uncle Billy could have been that stupid.
10:18But isn't it great to know you have so many friends?
10:20It's humiliating.
10:23I'm a damn charity case.
10:26In half the guidebooks of this city, I'm known as Phil,
10:29Glorful and respected Washington barkeep and raconteur.
10:34In one day, you've turned me into Phil, loser.
10:39Hey, Phil, I made a mistake.
10:42I owe you one apology.
10:44I'd forgive a lot of things, Murphy.
10:49But this is too much.
10:50I trusted you.
10:53I think you should leave.
10:56Phil.
10:56I mean it.
10:57I don't want to see you in here anymore.
11:01Excuse me.
11:03Have your attention, please.
11:06Quiet down.
11:10Seems there's a rumor floating around that I'm having trouble making ends meet.
11:15Well, that rumor started as some kind of a joke, and I want to put an end to it right now.
11:23It's going to take a hell of a lot more than a recession to knock old Phil out of the box.
11:27And to prove it, we're all my friends.
11:37And you know who you are.
11:41Drink charon now.
11:42Did you see the pathetic way Murphy was staring at us as we left the office?
11:53She reminded me of one of those dogs who's tied to a long rope.
11:58They want to go with you, and they start to run.
12:00But then I reach the end of the rope, and it snaps the whole head around.
12:06That's what she reminded me of.
12:09A poor little dog has been jerked by the neck too many times.
12:12It's quite an infamous distinction being banned from Phil's.
12:17To my knowledge, only two others before Murphy have met that fate.
12:20Joe McCarthy, and more understandably, Regis Philbin.
12:28Here's your cup of tea, Corky.
12:33Look!
12:34It's her!
12:35I can't stay.
12:39Frank, this call came for you at the office.
12:42I thought it might be important.
12:47Pretend this is important.
12:49Oh!
12:51Yes.
12:52This is a very important call.
12:55Very urgent.
12:56Thank you, Murphy.
12:57Ho, ho, ho, ho.
12:59So urgent, Frank.
13:01Why aren't you returning it?
13:03Nice improv.
13:04Well, Frank, Robin Williams has nothing to worry about.
13:07Oh, hi, Phil.
13:08What's new?
13:09I've got nothing to say to you, Murphy.
13:11You don't have to say anything, Phil.
13:15Just listen.
13:18It was a pushy thing that I did.
13:21The sort of pushy thing a certain bartender might have done a few years ago when a friend
13:26of his needed help.
13:28Telling her she was a drunk and refusing to serve her in front of the entire bar.
13:34I was humiliated, too.
13:37Not that I remember being humiliated.
13:39I was pretty out of it at the time, but I'm told that I was.
13:45And that I was wearing a tray of olives on my head.
13:47Well, Phil, the first few days at Betty Ford, I was so mad at you, it was all I could think
13:58about.
14:00By day five, I began to understand why you did it.
14:05By day 17, I was grateful.
14:13Phil, it's day five.
14:15Isn't there some way we can put this behind us and start over again?
14:18Hey, there, stranger.
14:33Welcome to Phil's.
14:35What can I get you?
14:36Thank you, Phil.
14:41Thanks.
14:43You know, there is a way I could help put this mess behind us.
14:48Reconsider my offer.
14:50Accept my personal loan.
14:52I don't like taking money from people.
14:55It gets too complicated.
14:57What's complicated about one friend helping another?
15:00It'd be a loan on a handshake.
15:02No pressure.
15:03I don't know.
15:05Look, Phil, I don't want to push you into something you don't want to do.
15:10But imagine your life without this place, sitting around the house, day after day, just you
15:19and Phyllis.
15:21Phyllis and you, day after day.
15:29Let me get this straight.
15:31I can have the money today.
15:38Gee, I was hoping business would have picked up a little by today.
15:42Patience, Murphy.
15:43You only loaned the money three days ago.
15:46You can't expect miracles overnight in the restaurant business.
15:49Unless you're that diner in Roanoke that had the image of the Blessed Mother in their pie carousel.
15:53Jim, I thought we'd sit over here today.
15:58Why would we do that?
15:59Well, there's just the two of us.
16:01There's no sense wasting a big table.
16:03It's better for Phil.
16:05Oh.
16:06All right.
16:11It's odd sitting at another table after all these years.
16:15Different perspective entirely.
16:16So close to the door.
16:20So, what are you having?
16:21The fruit, please.
16:22Geez, Jim.
16:23Are you going to go to your grave with every quarter you've ever earned?
16:27The man is drowning in debt.
16:30You're having the surf enter.
16:33Hey there, Jim.
16:35Murphy?
16:36Hey, Phil.
16:37Did you have a chance to read the article I gave you?
16:39Which one?
16:40Salad bars put green in your pocket or the early bird special catches the worm.
16:45Either or both.
16:47To tell you the truth, Murphy, I've been a little busy.
16:52I'm sure I'll get to it tonight.
16:54Well, when you do, save a little time for going over these.
16:58They're sketches for putting in a takeout window.
17:02I had Steve in the art department whip them up for me.
17:05What a job he did.
17:06Look, he even drew me in there, waving from inside, wearing a paper hat.
17:19I don't need an answer right now.
17:21Think it over.
17:22In the meantime, Jim will have the surf and turf, and I will have a small fruit plate.
17:30Are you sure you want the surf and turf, Jim?
17:33You haven't ordered that in the 15 years I've known you.
17:35What can I tell you, Phil?
17:37I'll just be buried in the cheaper casket.
17:41I'll be right back with your beer.
17:45I feel like I'm driving a bus.
17:50You just pulled that thought, Jim.
17:52Excuse me.
17:58I couldn't help but notice that you put three packets of artificial sweetener in your coffee.
18:03I was just wondering, would it be possible for you to put in one packet, stir and taste,
18:09and then, if you deem it necessary, put in another?
18:12These go for nine cents apiece.
18:14Fine, get a rat's disease.
18:21Eldon, you made it.
18:24Phil, you remember Eldon?
18:26Peter, how you doing?
18:28You know, Phil, Eldon and I were talking last night, and we thought it might be a good idea
18:34to have an artist here doing caricatures.
18:37We thought it might spark business and maybe attract new customers.
18:40You mean he'd go from table to table drawing funny pictures of my customers while they're
18:45trying to eat?
18:45Yeah, I was hesitant at first, seeing as how my creative impulses rarely run towards
18:51folk art.
18:53But then I thought, what better way to pay homage to the tragic plight of the independent
18:59businessman?
19:00And it sure beats some chick going around with a basket of roses making guys feel cheap
19:04if they don't buy one of five bucks a pop.
19:06Oh, that irritates me.
19:08Eldon, that couple looks like they have some disposable income.
19:11Why don't you start with them?
19:15I don't know, Murphy.
19:28I got a real pet peeve about stuff like this.
19:31People don't like to be distracted while they're eating.
19:34Phil, you're the restaurant man.
19:36It's your call.
19:37Whatever you decide, I'm fine with it.
19:40Either way.
19:40I'd really rather not.
19:42Okay, fine.
19:43Let's just give it an hour.
19:45If after that you feel it's not working, Eldon will pack up his pastels and go home.
19:49What do you say to that?
19:51The way you're helping me out, how can I say no?
19:55I must admit, I've always been confused by the popularity of an art form such as this.
20:01What you do is find the most obvious feature on a person and exaggerate it.
20:07In your case, that would be your nose.
20:08Then you always give them a real little body and ask them if they have any hobbies.
20:19Well, Eldon, do you?
20:23Backgammon.
20:25Hmm, not visual enough.
20:26How about fishing?
20:28Okay.
20:31I'm going to draw in a pole and have you hook your own nose.
20:36That would be very humorous.
20:40Eldon, how's it going?
20:42You tell me.
20:45So, you're a fisherman.
20:47Why is he catching a zeppelin?
20:49That's it.
20:50I'd like to sit in and take this.
20:52Get out of here, Tim.
20:53Is there a problem here, folks?
20:55He's drawing unflattering pictures.
20:57These aren't caricatures.
20:58Where's your sense of humor?
21:00Surely you couldn't go through life with a forehead like that and not have one?
21:03Whoa, look at the ears on that guy.
21:10Who names him, Phil?
21:11Look at this.
21:12Two lousy fruit plates.
21:15Murphy, honey.
21:16Yeah, Phil.
21:19Would you mind if I made a little suggestion?
21:22Of course not.
21:23Name it.
21:24Get out.
21:27What?
21:27You're driving away my customers.
21:32I don't work with a partner, Murphy.
21:34I never have.
21:35And if I ever do, it won't be with one who wants to wrap up the leftovers in little foil swans.
21:42It doesn't have to be a swan.
21:44It's just that they take less foil than, say, a giraffe.
21:50I'm buying you out, Murphy.
21:52As much as I can afford.
21:54I'll give you the rest when I can swing it.
21:56Okay, okay.
21:58I went a little too far.
21:59But I can control myself.
22:01Keep the money, Phil.
22:02I won't open my mouth again.
22:03No.
22:04Forget about the articles.
22:05Forget about the salad bar.
22:07No.
22:09Forget about the take-out window.
22:10Although, feel free to keep the drawings if you want to.
22:12Oh, God, you're right.
22:14I don't know about as good for the restaurant business as a botulism scare.
22:22Thanks, Murphy.
22:26We gave it a shot.
22:28But, I guess there's only one thing left to do.
22:33I was hoping it wouldn't come to this.
22:35Phil, you can't sell the place.
22:38Oh, no, not that.
22:39I'm going to have to raise prices.
22:47That's it?
22:49That's all you have to do?
22:51Why didn't you just do that in the first place?
22:53It's not that easy.
22:55Phil's has always prided itself on giving its customers a fair meal at a fair price.
23:01I don't know if they'll be willing to pay a little extra.
23:04This may be the end of the line.
23:07Here you go, Phil.
23:07Oh, I believe you ordered from one of the old menus.
23:14There's been a slight increase in prices.
23:18The Phil burger is no longer $3.50.
23:21It's $4.75.
23:24I hope that's not a problem.
23:26Are you kidding?
23:27$4.75, it's still the best deal in town.
23:30I'm sorry.
23:35Did I say $4.75?
23:37I meant $5.75.
23:41Yeah, okay.
23:44So, sir, I don't know what's the matter with me.
23:48Did I say $5.75?
23:49Yes, you did.
23:50That's the price.
23:51Here it is.
23:57$5.75 for Phil Burger.
24:00Phil, I have to get back to the office.
24:03How much do I owe you for the surf and turf?
24:05Aw, gee, Jim.
24:07I believe you ordered from one of the old menus.
24:11Might want to stick around, Murphy.
24:13I may be able to pay you the rest of that loan in a minute.
24:20Coming up...
24:25What would you say to a full-color commemorative family portrait?
24:29We'd say that sounds like a premise for an episode of Roseanne
24:32or the open to family ties.
24:35Stay tuned to Roseanne to find out which one it is
24:37next on Nick at Night.
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