Dave & Chuck the Freak were talking about a drug testing facility that had samples dumped behind it when calls started coming in about creepy pee monitors.
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00:00A video that surfaced online this past weekend shows dozens of marked urine samples
00:13just dumped behind a testing facility in Taylor.
00:18The samples were labeled JAMS, which is short for Jail Alternatives for Michigan Services.
00:25Drug and alcohol offenders who take part in JAMS, a drug testing program,
00:29are ordered to give piss samples to show the court that they're clean.
00:33A person's freedom depends on their sample and how it's handled.
00:38Yeah.
00:40But.
00:40If you need some urine.
00:42If I'm in JAMS, if I'm Dave in JAMS.
00:45Yeah.
00:45Right?
00:46I don't want my name and my piss out there.
00:49Anyone knows that?
00:50Yeah, you'd think it'd be private.
00:51Yeah.
00:51You'd want to keep that private.
00:53Yeah, if I'm in JAMS, yes.
00:54Yeah, because there are people out there that are like, oh my god, I've got Dave's pee.
00:58And they're, oh, you're disgusting.
01:00The goal in life, like I said always, is like, don't go to jail.
01:04Don't be on probation where you have to piss in a cup.
01:07Yeah.
01:07And be somewhere and have to turn it in.
01:09And then it gets lost in the back of the place.
01:12That's just my goal.
01:12That's a big priority.
01:13I share your goal, Lise.
01:15I share your goal.
01:16You never want to have to pee with someone else making sure you're peeing.
01:19Right.
01:20And it's you.
01:20Oh, yeah.
01:21You know what I mean?
01:21Yeah, that part too.
01:22You know?
01:23I got to watch.
01:24Yeah, they got to watch.
01:25Talk about a bad job.
01:27I mean, I'm sure I could find a better job than piss watcher, piss handler.
01:31Oh, it'd suck to be in the piss game.
01:32No, no, it really would, Andy.
01:34It'd be horrible to be in the piss game.
01:36I'm all pissed out.
01:37Somebody said I used to go to the one at Wixom that was there.
01:40There was an old guy named Chester that worked there.
01:42They're like 40 mirrors all aiming at your dong.
01:45And literally, they had the creepiest old man named Chester watching you pee.
01:49Oh, man.
01:52Hi, I'm here to pee?
01:54Yeah.
01:55They used to make cartoons about me.
01:58What's your name, sir?
01:59Chester the Molester.
02:00Oh, no.
02:02You have to watch me pee?
02:03That's my job.
02:06Okay.
02:07Pull him down.
02:08I don't.
02:09Is there anyone else that can come in here?
02:11No, just me.
02:12Because I'm not comfortable with you, Chester.
02:14Chester, are you drooling?
02:17What's happening over there?
02:19Let me press my finger against your lips.
02:21Oh, no.
02:22Get your hand away from me.
02:25All right.
02:25Just relax.
02:26Okay, I'm going to.
02:28Let it happen.
02:28I'm going to try.
02:30Let it happen.
02:30Okay, I don't.
02:32Okay.
02:35Attaboy.
02:37Oh, look at that.
02:41Filling it up.
02:43Oh.
02:44Any more?
02:45Push.
02:47Okay.
02:47Oh, thataboy.
02:50Need any help?
02:51No!
02:54This is uncomfortable listening.
03:00Really give it all you got.
03:03Try and fill that cup for me, sonny.
03:06Attaboy.
03:07Don't mind if I stir it with my finger, don't you?
03:17Oh, Chester.
03:21Good morning.
03:22Is this Wolfie?
03:24Yeah.
03:24How's she going, eh?
03:25How's she going, eh?
03:26Wolfie, you've been a part of the jams.
03:28My supervisor, and he apparently was on jams, too.
03:32Apparently, there's an Asian guy there who gets right at crash level when you're peeing.
03:38Stares right at your donger and starts making insults and jokes at you.
03:42What?
03:42What?
03:43Ha, ha, ha.
03:44Oh, man.
03:46That's so funny.
03:46You guys all say, we got a small one, but look at you.
03:50Tiniest riddle dong I've ever seen.
03:52Oh, man.
03:54Okay, pee.
03:55Go ahead.
03:56You got to be so close to me.
03:57I have to really make sure that it's your pee.
04:01Oh, man.
04:02Oh, don't laugh at me.
04:06Oh, wreck a little baby.
04:08Oh, come on, man.
04:10Oh, push, big guy.
04:13Come on.
04:14You're a sick little bastard, man.
04:16Oh, one quarter cup so far.
04:18Not much in you, huh?
04:20Yeah, no, you're making me nervous.
04:24You got stones or something?
04:25No, no stones.
04:26Nothing even coming out.
04:28Oh, I can feel your breath on my dong.
04:30Just back up.
04:31Oh, no.
04:34Ah, my favorite part is when I bro on it.
04:36Oh, stop.
04:39Oh, I hate jams.
04:39Is that helping?
04:41No, it's not helping.
04:44Get out of here, riddle dick.
04:48Oh, don't slap me on the ass.
04:52It's revenge.
04:54The Farmington Jams had an older, biker-looking white guy who would meet gays.
05:00He would jiggle change in his pocket as he was breathing down your neck.
05:04That's not jiggling change.
05:05Nope.
05:05You could hear him heavy breathing in your ear.
05:07It was super creepy like he was stroking it behind you.
05:10Oh.
05:11Oh, God.
05:19The sweet vest.
05:22Hope you don't mind.
05:23Oh, what are you doing with your hand there, fella?
05:27Oh, no.
05:30You're good at that.
05:32Oh, shut up.
05:33Come on.
05:36Oh, no.
05:39Oh, no.
05:40Oh, no.
05:43Why is there so much jingling and jangling going on in your pockets?
05:51Don't be nervous.
05:52I'm very nervous.
05:53Oh, dude.
05:56Oh, man.
05:58Oh, man.
05:59I have learned my lesson.
06:01Turn your leg around.
06:03Oh, dude.
06:08Chuck does crazy way too well.
06:09I know.
06:10Way too well.
06:11Super well.
06:12Pretty natural for him.
06:14Thank you, Evan, sir.
06:16Yes, sir.
06:17Um.
06:19Yeah, it's my pleasure.
06:20Bye-bye.
06:29Bye-bye.
06:37Bye-bye.
06:38Bye-bye.
06:39Bye-bye.
06:39Bye-bye.
06:39Bye-bye.
06:41Bye-bye.
06:43Bye-bye.