Dave & Chuck the Freak received a voicemail from someone saying they had crazy story about their buddy losing his dong in a dog attack. When they called to follow-up, the person wanted money for his story. Then, they become sidetracked talking about Doritos flavors from around the world.
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FunTranscript
00:00you guys don't really get much of this but we still get some weird voicemails left on
00:13you know my phone line here i think they even took away your phone yeah i don't have a phone
00:19don't have phones anymore i'm the only one my voicemail's been full for like 10 years
00:23yeah i think they just got rid of it it's just always says full yeah that's where i found this
00:29gem okay that was just left how you doing my name is brian jakes i'm from chatham ontario canada
00:36uh i have a friend i just talked to here um he had his penis bit off by a dog
00:42five years ago and uh nothing's ever come out of it and he'd like to uh you know it's a tragic story
00:50but it's also a funny one um if you'd like to uh check your freak the freak show want to talk to
00:56this dude i would five one nine oh well and then he gives the phone number oh so we did reach out
01:03oh you did oh my god okay and uh he would come on to tell his story if we paid him oh yeah well
01:11you'd have to pay him money what a hustler though i appreciate that i do it's part of me that respects
01:17that it's a hell of a story well you don't know yeah and then i'm like well what did i did i put
01:24my friend up to it or am i that guy well i talked to both of them oh you did yeah they're different
01:30people okay yep that's who i've been talking to all morning the dog all morning yeah oh wow
01:36playing phone tag with just needs money huh i don't know how much does he want did he say
01:41i didn't get that far to be paid for an exclusive interview i'd love to know how much he would
01:45want to be paid that would be funny yeah that would be that'd be if it went like an hour long
01:51we'd love to but an hour long to sit down like a real yeah 2020 type chairs right i'll do it i mean
01:59i'd do it what's the tariff on that oh i don't know a lot now you know so i don't know we'd have to
02:04look into that could be like 245 who knows i got a little bit of it you know but it's hearsay so i
02:11don't know yeah i can't spread it what hearsay don't take away the guy's story yeah but i don't
02:16care yeah let's hear you can pay me for it exactly can we do that yeah go ahead so he was like
02:21visiting somebody who went into their house and then the dog attacked and bit it and it like fell
02:26off through his pant leg no and somebody had to store it in a dorito bag okay take it to the hospital
02:33and no it should be on ice i don't know a dorito bag it's a dorito bag so now is his penis
02:41permanently covered in nacho cheese dust i didn't ask him he's gonna be so attached or whatever
02:46all right story done that's it yeah we took his money in an hour long at all
02:49it's like one minute took one minute what would you have paid for that yeah what would you pay for
02:55that buck 50 nothing no you're right some david chuck the freak swag not even we don't even have
03:02that to give away that is a mean dog oh my god i am mad at you that's a bad boy i'm mad at you
03:09and your dog to feel it rattle down to the bottom of your pant leg is an off-putting
03:13well i'm mad at you for storing it in a dorito bag yeah come on there's no ice around there's no
03:19tupperware container i don't know maybe some of that dust like keeps it alive didn't sound like
03:23a tupperware guy no he doesn't probably right hold on let me get my glass tupperware
03:30and crushed ice there's always doritos at the bottom of a dorito bag oh yeah
03:36the dust yeah the dust the dust though the chemicals in it might have like i said like
03:42sealed the wound or kept it alive or something i like that he's trying to work the circuit
03:46like yeah he's trying to get five years after the fact trying to get a book deal
03:51okay i guess another question is it back on him yeah i don't know oh i thought you said it was
03:59okay well i guess we don't have all the details weird to be the doctor that's like what's in the
04:04dorito bag what did he say in the um call did he say lost it let's hear my name is brian jakes
04:10i'm from chatham ontario canada uh i have a friend i just talked to here um he had his penis
04:17bit off by a dog five years ago and uh nothing's ever come out of it and he'd like to uh you know
04:25it's a tragic story but it's also a funny one um time to start making some money off it yeah i mean
04:31time's one to be on the chuck the freak show i don't blame him was it his friend's idea for the
04:36money or his idea is he like an agent apparently you talked to both of them jason the one who was
04:43allegedly bit asked about the payment the other one didn't he just said like yeah i got a referral
04:48for a guy who wants to talk to you yeah oh so maybe an agent he's kind of like a chatham agent of
04:56people with interesting stories that's a it's a wild place to chatham county florida yeah of canada
05:05it's rare that you have a story that's both funny and tragic it is yeah but old dorito dick
05:10has both i just the cheese is not good to preserve it no probably not but well it is chemicals i hope
05:19it's got preservatives it does have preservatives maybe it's the best thing for it get that dick
05:23in doritos quick it's got some kind of orange dye in it you know that it's an orange penis now for
05:28sure some interviewer would be like tell your story and he'd be like well a dog bit it off
05:34i mean i'd have several nicknames for my penis if it was orange all of a sudden
05:38i'd be like yeah yeah i got a couple right on the top of my head exactly you just would hope
05:44exactly that's trump down there cool ranch yeah you'd hope for that but not a lot of people eat
05:50cool ranch no it's hard it seems like it would have a cooling effect which might help with the
05:54you know what suck is the super spicy ones yeah you don't know what that's my favorite of the salsa
06:01verde and that whoo which one's a purple purple bag which one's that oh what's that's a spicy sweet
06:06chili yeah that's pretty good spicy sweet chili i saw i saw like an orange but not an orange bag
06:13it was like a yellow goldish yeah gold bag that's that's a sriracha yeah spicy sriracha
06:19yeah this is mine has flames on it the one i like i just bought a bag of those like a like a couple
06:25months of best they're the best ones saw them again and it was like i was like i remember you
06:29yeah that golden bag was calling to me this is some sriracha flavor this is part of the problem
06:34with sit down interview we go off to dorito well that's what he would think i would be like i didn't
06:38even get a chance to say anything because we went on a whole dorito debate yeah who cares
06:4545 minutes on dorito flavor they didn't pay me a thing they said i never even said anything
06:54poured my heart out to him at least it just kept going on if people don't like them cool ranch
06:58anymore people don't like those i think they have fallen out of grace well i don't think they're the
07:03most popular i've never liked them i've never liked the cool ranch i like them i just feel like
07:08the the flavor doesn't really stick to the chips as ranch and me got a complicated relationship
07:14it's complicated it's a complicated thing every once in a while like i'll i'll give ranch a call
07:23right hello you're not committed you're not committed no i'm like we just kind of
07:30some good weekends here and there yeah yeah nothing serious and not see each other for a long time
07:38that's what it says no communication yep anyway so that's one of the voicemails left here on that's
07:43an incredible one yeah yep and we'll never know if it's been reattached or not because we're not
07:48gonna pay no no we're not gonna pay i can call them and ask no it's okay why not why bother just say
07:55we have one question he'll try and charge just why bother yeah just saying we have one question
07:57we already know it's gonna be five bucks if you try
07:59we'll give you five bucks well venmo can we venmo you five bucks to find out i'll venmo and five
08:06bucks and then it's gonna sound because like venmo will take like 20 cents or something
08:10yeah they do it'd be four dollars and eight cents
08:12it sucks but i mean you got a you got a two minute story
08:18yeah it wasn't as long as we heard the cash 58 minutes with doritos yeah man sorry i mean sucks
08:25to be you know getting your dog bitten off by a dog can't even imagine something's falling down your
08:30leg crazy to unroll the dorito bag pour it out for the old doc there uh-huh he's like yeah seriously
08:38crazy you could yeah even just a ziploc i mean would have been better they don't even have
08:44no they don't they're not at that house wherever they were no yeah no yeah that's i don't think
08:49they should ever do spicy sweet chili for to put a penis in yeah or just regular penis in yeah no
08:55you should put some cubes or this that's i think cool ranch will cool it down yeah you need cool
09:01ranch and then throw some get a couple ice cubes pack that thing if i interview the guy i would just go
09:08fascinating
09:09you think they put like a chip clip on the top to like seal it
09:17well do you think they had a chip clip they didn't have a chip clip
09:19oh maybe not
09:20they used that to stop the bleeding
09:21at least i believe their lives are a shamble
09:25yes
09:25well it's chatham
09:27come on
09:27it's chatham
09:28my dad got out of there
09:30they have sriracha doritos now
09:33they have
09:33yeah that's the gold
09:34topito topatio topatio ones they have good good
09:39extra flaming hot and extra flaming hot nacho
09:43the hell's a topatio topatio is a good hot sauce
09:45topatio yeah
09:45i mean i got the cool ranch and the nacho cheese right over here if you want to have
09:50that's good to know in case mine falls off
09:52quick grab a bag of those tiny little doritos
09:55you can use those little goldfish bags you got up there and stuff
09:59those are good too man
10:00yeah strawberry
10:01i'll put my dong in all these chips and see which one cools it the best
10:04oh my god good
10:05you do that task
10:06anonymous joining us here from windsor ontario
10:08hi anonymous
10:09hi how are you
10:11good you know anything about this guy's dick
10:13um i don't know anything about that
10:17okay
10:17um but in windsor
10:19all of us call people from chatham
10:21we call them chattabillies
10:23ah
10:24yeah
10:24so the hillbilly
10:25canadian hillbillies
10:27yes
10:28okay
10:28so just when you said they're from florida
10:30that's kind of uh our attitudes towards chatham
10:33yeah
10:34and windsor's no picnic huh
10:36and like windsor's no picnic right
10:37when windsor's not great either
10:40but that's always what we've called people from chatham
10:43yeah
10:43yeah
10:44i hear you
10:45thanks for calling in
10:45i get it
10:46so that's that's what you're telling me
10:48i hope this guy's not listening right now
10:50oh he's listening
10:51he is
10:51what do you think he's doing
10:52he's listening to this
10:54i don't know
10:55what's he up to
10:56some idiots on the radio
10:57talk about your dick being bit off by a dog
10:59and then
11:00but going on more about doritos
11:02and not giving a damn
11:03he's playing jenga with himself
11:04that's what i assume
11:06there's nothing else after that you know
11:09he's got he's got just himself and a jenga
11:12he's like oh i won again
11:15yeah
11:16and then he goes around to the other side
11:18and he
11:18do you think he
11:19ever tries to take his nub
11:21and knock one of the jenga pieces out with it
11:24probably he couldn't
11:25i probably can't
11:26someone listening in ireland right now
11:28says they have grilled steak doritos over there
11:30what
11:30yeah
11:31wow
11:32they're trying everything
11:33i don't understand the world anymore
11:36you can get a grilled steak chip
11:37yeah
11:38what does that taste like
11:40again
11:41we're done with this guy's wiener
11:42just a smoke
11:43yeah like a smokey meat
11:45I feel like
11:45you're speechless
11:46yeah
11:47well he doesn't know
11:48it's like i haven't slept
11:50much
11:51and then it's like
11:52we went down incest lane
11:54we've been all over the place
11:56got a chip clip
11:57triage
11:59and then
11:59grilled steak
12:02grilled steak
12:03chips from ireland
12:05peanuts
12:06ketchup
12:07ketchup
12:07ketchup
12:07ketchup
12:08ketchup
12:10ketchup
12:10powdered sour cream
12:11or whatever
12:12jeez
12:12he put his peanut
12:14for that chip bag
12:15he really reached for the stars
12:18with that flavor
12:19grilled steak
12:20flame grilled steak
12:21i've got an idea for a torrito
12:23what's your idea
12:25grilled steak
12:27torritos
12:27everyone loves grilled steak
12:30right
12:30well think about it
12:31it's the irish
12:32like
12:32they're not used to flavors
12:34of any kind
12:35so they really gotta
12:36sort of
12:37you know
12:37they're not gonna sell
12:38any of these crazy
12:39flaming hot
12:40have you thought about
12:41beef stroganoff
12:42we did
12:46too bold
12:49i present to you
12:53prime rib
12:53flavor
12:55tastes just like a prime rib
12:58what has happened
12:59to our show today
13:00i don't know
13:02it's like a whole party
13:03i wasn't expecting that flavor
13:05no
13:05no
13:06weird one
13:07no
13:07thanks for listening in ireland
13:12yeah
13:12i appreciate it
13:13it's great
13:14ketchup flavored doritos too
13:17yeah
13:17so that's a little more normal
13:19i guess
13:19yeah
13:20ketchup chips are always
13:21and mustard flavored doritos
13:22see that's more appealing to me
13:24yeah
13:25spicy mustard
13:26i got those uh pretzels you know
13:28i'd be so mad if you put my penis in a mustard
13:32spicy mustard
13:34god like seriously
13:36you had to save my penis in the mustard one
13:40god it smells like mustard now
13:43all the time
13:44i don't like mustard
13:46no
13:46they have the story of the guy who created flaming hot
13:56i started with an idea
13:58i looked at the steak and i thought what if i was in a dorito
14:02you're mad
14:03you're mad
14:05let's do it
14:06i don't know about it
14:09yeah no
14:10people just tuning in right now
14:11have no idea what's going on
14:12we got left a voicemail by a canadian guy
14:14whose buddy had his dick bit off by a dog
14:16and they placed it in a bag of doritos to preserve it
14:20we called that guy to get the exclusive interview
14:24but he would not do the interview unless we paid him
14:26we said no and basically just told the story
14:29but instead got sidetracked with dorito flavors from around the world
14:32well because they put his dick in a dorito bag
14:34he did
14:35i did mention that
14:36yeah
14:36that's the recap
14:38that's it
14:38there you go
14:39that's it
14:39that's what they're tuning into right now
14:41and then we start bringing up different types of doritos
14:43and then a guy from ireland texted in
14:45i'd like to chime in if you could punch me through
14:47i'm a goss and mcgorn millie james
14:50is that you
14:51in ireland we've got grilled steak
14:53what
14:54flavored doritos
14:54and it blew our minds
14:56stop me at my tracks
14:57if you're from a different country
14:59and you've got a weird dorito
15:01flavor
15:02let us know
15:03it was like an off button
15:05it was like an off button
15:05we're trying
15:06we're trying to write down all the different countries and flavors
15:10have you thought about lobster cheetos
15:12lobster cheetos
15:14have you lost your damn mind
15:16i don't want any ideas
15:17oh szechuan pepper chicken they have in the u
15:20in uh asia
15:21see i knew it was gonna get
15:23garlic steak flavor
15:24they also have
15:25in asia
15:26over there they got some weird
15:27they'll be like
15:28yeah they'll put a squid on a chip
15:31i read that flavor
15:32and lisa went
15:33whoa
15:34in brazil they've got wasabi
15:37in mexico they got pizza flavored
15:40the recap was great
15:43okay so we got a voicemail
15:45from a man who got his penis spit off by a dog
15:49and then um
15:50you never know where it's gonna lead you know
15:53you sure don't
15:54but anyway
15:55wish them
15:56wish them all the best
15:57i hope they were able to reattach his doritos dick
15:59yeah we'll never know
15:59oh we have to pay for it
16:01we won't
16:02yeah we're not paying for it
16:03we're playing hardball
16:04yeah
16:04we're not gonna pay
16:06so you can tell us
16:07if you choose
16:08yeah what kind of dough do they think we got
16:10and then he's like
16:11maybe he'll talk
16:12call me around one
16:13one
16:14he's gonna hang out all day
16:16to maybe speak to
16:17he doesn't know what time the show's on
16:19no
16:19he's not gonna wake up until one
16:21that's what time he gets up
16:24yeah exactly
16:25i get up at the crack of one
16:28well come on
16:30that's up right
16:31that's up
16:32he's been up all night
16:33that's everything i would expect from old dorito dick
16:35yeah
16:36that's a rough go
16:37those guys have been up all night
16:39yep
16:43so then we tried to reach out
16:47and then we found out
16:48he wanted to pay
16:49his friend demanded payment
16:50hold hard cash
16:51yep
16:52five bucks
16:53unfortunately he told jason the whole story
16:54which
16:55we told him one minute
16:57well it's crazy it took five years
16:59they were sitting around
17:00and he's like
17:00what if you told that story to somebody
17:02you don't think
17:04you don't think AI could make some money off that
17:07I think you could
17:07oh my god
17:09he doesn't have a medical bill
17:10because in canada
17:11it's you know
17:12right
17:12so they just put it up
17:13but as you know
17:15in canada
17:16if it's elective
17:18or cosmetic
17:19there's no
17:21they won't cover it
17:22no dice
17:23so they may have reattached it
17:24but no cosmetic surgery would be covered
17:26so it could be a real dorito dick disaster
17:28yeah
17:28there might be a chip in it
17:30there's still chips in it
17:31yeah
17:32I mean it could have
17:33a couple of chips
17:34dust under the foreskin
17:35he knows
17:36they could have tried to go across the border
17:38and get it fixed
17:39but that would be crazy
17:40with a dorito bag
17:41well that bag would get searched
17:41yeah that's right
17:43they can't cross with food
17:44you know
17:45if he had to come on the show for free
17:46someone could have started a GoFundMe
17:48for old dorito dick
17:49you never would have known
17:49oh never thought of that
17:50short sighted my friend
17:52yeah five years
17:53too late
17:53yeah
17:54a little bit
17:55a little bit late
17:56while the iron was hot
17:57I think you do
17:58to put it back on and all that
18:00you can't
18:02it'd be wild
18:03if he's like
18:04yep
18:04it's still in the fridge
18:05crazy to look down at it
18:07and still see the corner of a dorito in it
18:09or you feel it
18:10yeah you're like
18:11oh god ouch
18:11right under the surface
18:12what do they call that in prison
18:14oh
18:14when you like
18:15texture it
18:16with like
18:17yeah like they put the
18:18dominoes and stuff
18:19yeah I don't know what they call it
18:21but
18:21something
18:23that's wild
18:23I mean I don't think it would be sexually pleasing
18:25for sharp chips
18:27to be sticking out of your penis
18:29ribbed for her pleasure
18:31yeah you ever like swallow one wrong
18:33it's
18:33it's cutting my throat
18:35you don't want that on you
18:38you got me good
18:38in your bits
18:39I'd like to throw my two cents in if you don't mind
18:42yes please do
18:43go ahead
18:43what kind of chips do they have
18:45we have grilled steak
18:46oh my god
18:47it's insane
18:48from Ireland
18:49think about that for a sleep
18:51top of the afternoon
18:52he didn't even care about the guy's penis
18:54which is amazing
18:55none of us cared
18:56none of us cared
18:57this is all he cared about
18:59wow
19:00incredible
19:01although some lady said
19:02I'd blow him if it tasted like Doritos
19:05oh my god
19:06my god
19:07it could go a couple ways with that
19:09yeah
19:09it could be
19:10yeah
19:11oh cheesy
19:12yeah
19:12cheesy dick
19:13oh my god
19:14yeah
19:15that's what they called me for a minute
19:16hey old cheesy dick
19:18how you doing
19:18by the way it's purling
19:20that
19:20when you
19:21oh yeah
19:22okay
19:22okay
19:22yep
19:23goodness
19:25alright
19:25well there you go
19:26the tale of a Canadian man
19:27who lost his dick to a dog bite
19:29yep
19:30without even talking to him
19:31you ever like to leave Dave a voicemail
19:33you can do so
19:34yeah I don't know how they found that line
19:36I don't know how you found it
19:37you have to like call
19:38some kind of mysterious line
19:41well then that guy had to be like
19:43did you call him
19:44he's like I left a voicemail
19:47nothing's right
19:48yeah
19:48nothing
19:49nothing
19:50well Jason actually did call them
19:52yeah we did eventually
19:52yeah I had to leave a voicemail for the guy
19:54I was like hi
19:56your buddy said that your penis has been off
19:58oh my god that's wild
19:59so I'm just hoping to
20:00and then he called you back
20:01no I had to call him again
20:02you said you had to call
20:03it was a whole
20:03he had to get up to the crack of water
20:04yeah
20:05it's a whole thing
20:06his buddy won't say it
20:08so I said it
20:09okay
20:09alright
20:10I'll share it
20:11I think whatever you guys just did
20:13is better than anything
20:14he could have ever said about his penis
20:16that's why we don't talk
20:17it's true
20:17we never pay
20:18well that one guy
20:19we've played his name about four times
20:20well I mean
20:22once you leave a voicemail
20:23it's our property
20:24yeah
20:25we can do with it what we please
20:26I don't know if that's true
20:27but I'm pretty sure
20:28I'm gonna write that rule
20:29I don't know if that's true
20:31I don't know if that's true
20:31I don't know if that's true
20:33I don't know if that's true