Therapy Thursday 8-20-20
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00:00Therapy Thursday every Thursday with 60-second sessions for you. Why? Because, well, it's community service.
00:07All right? 888-429-0941 is our number. If you want to text in or you want to call, feel free, ask a question to Dr. Davi or Meredith, MD, or Orlando BGYN, plus a lot of other interns and residents that are out there that will text in about your business.
00:25No HIPAA here. All right? So who is first?
00:29We have one that just came in. I don't see a name attached to it. We'll let you guys pick.
00:35I was having a talk with some of my guys at work about who is the healthiest out of us.
00:41I'm a little older, but I work out. I'm a little older, but outlifts my whole crew and works longer.
00:51I'm strong, and you can tell that I'm healthy.
00:53They think the jury is out because I haven't been to a doctor in about nine years.
00:58You're a pitcher of health, buddy.
01:03Isn't the biggest problem running to medicine and doctors so much?
01:09Have fun with that, O. You know exactly what I'm going to say.
01:13Meredith, go ahead. Nine years, that's a long time.
01:17He didn't pick some money, so we could all go at it.
01:19Yo, that is insane to not go see the doctor for 10 years.
01:23You know what, though?
01:23Especially when you're older.
01:24There are ways that men grow up where it's like you just, you know, cock diesel.
01:29You're strong. You're country strong.
01:31You lift trees. You lift two-by-fours.
01:33You know, ain't nobody lift a Jeep like Beauregard.
01:36You know what I'm saying?
01:37Like, so you're looking healthy.
01:38Yeah.
01:39And until you find a reason to go to the doctor, they don't go.
01:44It's just that's a man thing.
01:45And it's not wise because it's not the picture of health.
01:49You can have other issues.
01:50You have certain things you're supposed to have at certain levels like colonoscopies and, you know, and prostate exams and A1Cs and all of that stuff that comes from the doctor.
02:00But in essence, I don't want to make you feel bad for being healthy if you're healthy enough to go to work, you know, every day and do whatever.
02:07But it doesn't sound like you're worried.
02:09But, again, having that assurance and go out there.
02:11And, yeah, don't let them young guys make you feel bad about being old.
02:14Keep lifting them motors.
02:16You know what you're doing.
02:17All right.
02:17What we got next?
02:17Orlando, I have one for you.
02:19My household is completely split on what to do with our kids for school.
02:22Oh, my husband wants them to go to school, and I want them to stay home and do virtual school and stay safe.
02:28If we can't have this conversation without a massive argument, what should we do?
02:33What are you doing?
02:35What am I doing?
02:36I mean, probably, like, the same thing.
02:38I mean, you know, I'm worried about them, but I've also been explained to me.
02:45It's not like a sweeping thing.
02:46Like, there are people waiting to go back to school now, and it's much different than my kids that have been in the school for three weeks.
02:52But they're in a smaller setting.
02:54They're in a private school.
02:56They know their rules are different than the others, so I've had a different kind of weight on me.
03:01But I would say you guys need to have a conversation with each other and continue to have that conversation.
03:07But we talked about this before.
03:08Learn how to argue.
03:10You can argue because both of you guys are worried about your kids, so you don't have to undermine each other to be worried.
03:16Share that type of worry together.
03:18You're saying what you believe for their best interest.
03:21We might be on the opposite sides of it, but at least we're here.
03:25It shouldn't be a cantankerous thing where we're exploding and fighting with each other and mad and slamming doors.
03:31And it's like it shouldn't be that way because we should both be focused that we're trying to do the right thing by our kids and then just move accordingly.
03:38But you stopped communication, and now you're really screwed.
03:42You know what I'm saying?
03:42You're fighting and everything.
03:43Now you don't want to talk.
03:44So now it's like...
03:45One of the things you don't want to talk about, but you got to.
03:47It's just terrible.
03:48So I would say keep the line of communication open.
03:52Watch where you're getting your info from.
03:54Get it from the school.
03:55Find out what they do.
03:56Don't find out what they say.
03:58Because everybody's like, well, they say that's everybody.
04:01The school says they're going to do this with our children is much more specific.
04:07You guys need to sit down with that information and not what you're getting from the news.
04:10Nice.
04:10That's what I was saying.
04:11One came in from Meredith.
04:13It's out the 727.
04:14It says, I've been with my man off and on, mostly on, for almost nine years.
04:20He has come a very long way as far as our relationship goes.
04:22I love him.
04:23I want him.
04:24But he is horrible when it comes to affection.
04:27And we are starting to not have sex, but maybe once a week, if that.
04:32He has started to sleep on the couch.
04:34He rarely kisses me and never says, I love you first.
04:37I do have needs.
04:39And other than all these issues, he is all I want.
04:43Is lack of affection not worth having the guy that I want in the end?
04:47Have you all met his girlfriend?
04:48Oh, I'm sorry.
04:49Go ahead, Meredith.
04:51Go ahead, Meredith.
04:51You can work on this.
04:53I would say he needs to be reminded quite often, maybe a quarterly talk, a quarterly
04:59reminder, just to be like, hey, I love you.
05:02But this is one of my love languages.
05:04This is extremely important, not only to me, but our relationship to keep this moving.
05:09If we're going to have sex once a week right now, what is it going to be in a year?
05:13Are we not going to have sex until like once a month?
05:15We got you got to keep up the love a little bit in a relationship and that might fall
05:19on your shoulders a little bit more because he doesn't find it a huge priority.
05:23So you grabbing his hand, maybe you running up to him and pinching his butt, you, you know,
05:28just like those little cute things to remind him, oh, there was a spark here.
05:31And then you can bring that back slowly.
05:33Hopefully sitting down with him and reminding him will will make him want to do all that stuff.
05:39You got nine seconds left.
05:40So you want to now depend, spend this nine telling her that he might be cheating?
05:44No, I never once thought he was cheating.
05:46You guys think he's cheating?
05:47It's a possibility.
05:49He's sleeping on the couch.
05:51They went from doing it all the time to barely doing it at all.
05:53He getting it.
05:54Oh, it's once a week, though.
05:56That's not never.
05:57She said if that.
05:59And that's from somebody who they were probably doing it.
06:02Your husband come home and he ain't hungry.
06:05Yeah.
06:05Wait, so that automatically means he's cheating.
06:08He has something to eat.
06:08Maybe he just tired.
06:10Darby, he has something to eat.
06:12Yeah.
06:13People still eat.
06:14Are we serious?
06:15I never once went to cheating.
06:16You guys automatically think that.
06:18Both of our eyes bucked up.
06:20He's like, he on the couch.
06:21Yeah, he on the couch because he smelled like.
06:23Oh, my God.
06:25I got to take a shower as soon as I can hold.
06:28Orlando, I have been encountering a very uncomfortable situation at work from senior management.
06:34I want to go to HR, but I do not want him to retaliate.
06:38I also feel this is holding me back from getting promoted.
06:41What should I do?
06:43Oh, man.
06:45I you know, I work work is like a relationship.
06:48You got to communicate there to like you got to give managers the ability to manage.
06:54So if there's any way that you want to like, you know, go in and tell or something, you know, without getting any retro, you know, any kind of like retroactive heat put on yourself.
07:04You know, you should have that ability to communicate, maybe without snitching, but being a part of the process.
07:11We talked about this before, like going to somebody saying, hey, I think it would be better if we approached it this way.
07:16Give them a chance to manage.
07:18Now, if your direct manager is not speaking to something that's actionable by a human resources, then you got to go above.
07:24But to go over your manager to go to corporate or to go to human resources is basically like a money grab.
07:30It's like it's always going to be seen as shady because your manager is the person who has to wear that management hat.
07:36They have to be the person to get the call to say, hey, we have to come up with this.
07:40This is why if you let the Indians all do it, it wouldn't be any need for chiefs.
07:44So let the chief be a chief, you know, before you go over their head and get somebody fired for something that you could have just said, you know, hey, man, tell that dude stops stirring the coffee with his finger.
07:54Like, I mean, OK, why we got to go to corporate about that?
07:56Can I just tell him to get your nasty finger out the pot?
07:59Yeah. And don't think that they're not going to find out you said something, by the way.
08:02They always find out. Of course.
08:03I mean, you're not supposed to. And and nobody's supposed to retaliate on you either.
08:07That's not a part of it. And, you know, but but if you go through the process and a manager doesn't do something about something, then going over their head is something they can't argue about.
08:16I have first. I got one for Davi. Yes. Ready?
08:19Dr. Yes. Dr. Davi. Excuse me. I've been dating this frat guy.
08:23He was in town from FSU and he's been pretty cool until now.
08:28Wait, did you say from FSU? You said frat guy?
08:31Frat guy. Oh, OK. Yeah. What?
08:33I thought you said fat guy.
08:35Oh, no. Frat guy.
08:36I was like, how are you going to ask Dr. Davi?
08:38He could be a fat frat guy.
08:39I was a fat guy. I was going like, hey, I need to talk about it. OK, go ahead. Continue.
08:43We used to hang out all the time, but his mom always had some small issue with me.
08:48They are a well-to-do family and I'm just a hippie chick, but very sweet and respectful.
08:52But his mother must want him to date someone more high brow than me because she's meddling in a relationship.
08:59How do I deal with this?
09:00So she used to date him or she's dating him?
09:03It sounds like it's falling apart.
09:04It's gone.
09:05They're dating.
09:05It's done.
09:06She also said he stopped calling and texting me and I feel like his mother got into his ear.
09:11No, no, no.
09:12It might have been his mom.
09:13His mom is a small, tiny part of the equation.
09:17The real issue is that he's a frat guy from FSU that you met while he was in town.
09:22So he lives out of town.
09:24He's in a frat at FSU.
09:26That's not a real relationship.
09:28That was like a long-term fling.
09:30A summer fling.
09:31Let it go.
09:31That is offensive.
09:32It's so accurate.
09:33Fraternity men of Florida State University are scowling at the radio right now.
09:37You have everything against you.
09:39You have every single thing working against you.
09:41But he said he loved me.
09:43He did it.
09:43He's a temporary little fling.
09:46He's a fraternity guy who lives out of town.
09:48His mom hates you.
09:50It's just not going to work.
09:51Let it go, little hippie chick, and find another guy.
09:55Can we keep it real on there every Thursday or what?
09:57Let's say next on this.
10:00It was a good time.
10:02There's nothing wrong with having a good time and then leaving it behind.
10:05She obviously really liked him.
10:06I'm sorry.
10:07Mama's like, so are we still doing the hippie chick?
10:11Can you imagine?
10:12Can we vote her off the island now?
10:14Because the neighbors are talking.
10:17Okay.
10:17All right.
10:18All right.
10:19We got text in 888-429-0941.
10:23Let's see here.
10:26I got one for you, Elle.
10:27Go ahead.
10:27I was trying to pull up one that came up with your name on it.
10:30Good morning.
10:31I have a question.
10:33Is it normal to speak to your mother 20 times a day?
10:35Oh, man.
10:36I told my fiance that that's a little too much, and she says, no, it's not.
10:41Who's right, me or her?
10:42Can I pull it off?
10:43This is my life.
10:44This is my life.
10:46Take it, baby.
10:46I swear I didn't even write this.
10:49So my girlfriend is exactly that person.
10:53Her and her mom are in constant communication.
10:56When we first got together, I was like, wow, that is a lot of phone calls, texts, FaceTime, all this.
11:06But this is what I had to realize.
11:08Her mom is the most important person in her life, and her mom feels the same way about her.
11:14So who am I to tell you how much you can talk to the most important person in your life?
11:20It's still a lot, though.
11:22It's a lot for me, but it's not a lot for her.
11:25So I have no place to tell her, yo, that's too much.
11:28Unless you paying her phone bill, you don't have a right to say, hey, you're talking to your mom.
11:33It's her mom, bro.
11:34You're never going to win that fight.
11:36Yeah, you'll never win that.
11:37And honestly, most people should be like that to talk to their mom.
11:43Like, you know, you don't talk to your mom as much, and you know you should.
11:46Seeing my girl and her mom's relationship reminds me all the time.
11:51It's honestly made my mom and I closer.
11:53Because I'm like, yeah, damn, I'm slacking on my mom time.
11:56Yeah, I call my mom, and I'm like, she's like, oh, I was just about to call you.
11:59I'm like, no, you're not.
12:00Because my mom always is like, I'm bothering you.
12:03And I'm like, no, you're not.
12:04I'm like, she's like, but you're at work.
12:05I'm like, yeah, but I can talk.
12:06Yeah, but if you flip this, women don't like guys always talking to their moms.
12:11Why?
12:12A mama's boy.
12:13I'm telling you.
12:13A lot of women.
12:14I was always told if a man loves his mama, then you can see how he'll love you.
12:21Right.
12:22But if you're calling your mom.
12:23If he cusses out his mama, then he'll cuss you out.
12:25I understand that.
12:26But if you're dating a man, because I've been there before many times.
12:28You know about a mama's boy?
12:29Oh, that's talking to his mom like 20, 30 times a day.
12:32It's a little bit different.
12:33I love my mama.
12:34It depends a lot.
12:35You don't tell me I should not talk to my mama.
12:37Did you hear what Davi just said?
12:38It's different.
12:39You don't change.
12:40You can't change.
12:41It depends a lot on what they've been through.
12:43Like my mom or like my girl and her mom.
12:46That's all they got is like, you know what I'm saying?
12:48Each other.
12:49So I think that has a lot to do with it.
12:52If you're raised like, yo, it's us against the world.
12:54You're going to want to check in on that person all the time.
12:57All the time.
12:58I'm just going to let you know because somebody's out there texting.
13:01Their fingers are going right now saying, Davi, she got you.
13:03So I'm like, you ain't even got to click send.
13:05We know.
13:05I just told him.
13:06All right.
13:07I know somebody's going to type that.
13:08All right.
13:08We got room for one more.
13:10What we got?
13:10Meredith, how do you let your spouse know that you are tired of being the pursuer?
13:16I'm a 45 year old alpha male and I'm tired of being the aggressor.
13:19I want and need to feel like I matter and I'm worth the pursuit.
13:24How do I tell my wife of 10 years that it's her turn to pursue me?
13:29It should be back and forth.
13:31That's what I should say.
13:32They shouldn't just have one person always just getting after it constantly because it
13:36is so aggravating and exhausting because honestly, you look in the mirror and sometimes it can
13:40affect your ego.
13:41Although with this person doesn't really sound like it is.
13:44So, yeah, you need to sit down with her and let her know like, hey, I'm hot.
13:48I know I'm good looking.
13:49I don't understand why you don't want this.
13:51Like, what do you mean?
13:53It don't matter.
13:53So don't matter.
13:54I went through that and it was like, you know, you can't change a person.
13:57Yeah.
13:58Like, you know, and if it fell off, then maybe it can come back.
14:01Yeah.
14:02But alcohol can help.
14:03Maybe let down some barriers.
14:05But yeah.
14:05But at how much at what cost?
14:07You know what I'm saying?
14:08I've just I've seen it where it's like your urge and saying, yo, like you should be the initiator
14:12sometimes or you should try and, you know, show that desire.
14:15Yeah.
14:16It should go both ways.
14:16If it ain't in them, it just it ain't in them.
14:19You got to you got to swallow it and say, all right, I'm cool with it.
14:22That's the problem.
14:23She won't do that.
14:24No, I do much swallowing going on.
14:26That's the bird of love.
14:28Let's get some love in this relationship.
14:30I don't know.
14:31So I would just say like it's hard to make somebody do you can't pull them off.
14:34They square.
14:35Well, you can you can be you can help.
14:37You can help.
14:37And if it's really it is something that's going to be a deal breaker, then that person
14:41has to get off off their ass and do something.
14:43Get up off your ass and get on.
14:47Alphas need love, too.
14:48Yeah.
14:48Yeah.
14:49I'm an alpha man.
14:50Yeah.
14:50He said he was good looking.
14:52I'm going to refer to myself as an alpha man.
14:54He did not say that.
14:55Maybe it was just in my head.
14:56He said alpha and I went, oh, no, no.
15:00You just add stuff to the thing.
15:03Oh, he said he was good looking.
15:04Damn, man.
15:07That's terrible.
15:08Orlando and the freak.