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00:00Music
00:23Nothing to worry about Sam
00:25It's easy for you to say
00:26Look, storming a teacup, you're all over in five minutes
00:29That's once when you all gave her love, Jess
00:31Look, I was always getting the fights when I was a kid
00:34Dad, I'm not a kid anymore
00:35All right, all right, when I was your age then
00:37Most of them was over silly birds, just like you
00:39Look, Kelvin's my best mate, we never fight
00:42He probably feels just as bad as you do
00:44You reckon?
00:45Yeah, look, he's in the shop now
00:46Just go over there, shake him behind your hand and get the whole thing over with, all right?
00:49What's her been love for?
00:52She's just not worth it, Kevin
00:54Mary's okay, what have you got against her?
00:56Nothing, it's just priorities
00:58Eh?
00:59Look, you're gonna go through a lot of girls, Kelvin
01:01Yeah, if I'm anything like you, I will
01:03It's only natural
01:04But your mates are more important
01:06Oh yeah?
01:07Well, I still got mates from when I was your age
01:11But I couldn't recognise the girls if I pass them in the street
01:13Well, there's one living in our house, I'll introduce you later
01:16I'm not talking about your mother, Kelvin
01:18Wasn't she a girl in them days then?
01:19She was special
01:20Oh, and you knew that from the beginning, didn't you? Instant romance
01:24Yeah, as it happens, eh?
01:26I did
01:27And you're getting divorced
01:29I thought we were talking about you and Ian
01:31Well, if you ask me, they're both plain daft
01:33Yeah, that's old Kelvin, that
01:34Mind you, it's quite flattering though, isn't it?
01:36Being chased after by two blokes
01:37I think it's pretty childish
01:39It'd make a difference if they were both good-looking
01:42Yeah, you might be able to convince her about a range of marriages
01:44Who wanted them, eh, Sharon?
01:45What, after what happened to Si and Nimer?
01:47Well, that was different
01:49See, Nimer's marriage was arranged by her mum and dad
01:51See, Sharon's gonna do her own arranging
01:53You got a shortness to it?
01:54I'm working on it
01:55First thing to do, though, is get rid of this love and romance bit
01:58Look who ain't got you two
01:59I just got a point
02:00So what you're looking for is an old giver with a lot of money
02:03A dodgy art and a good insurance policy
02:05No, it's all about potential, Michelle
02:07What I'm looking for is someone around my age
02:09I may be a bit older
02:10He's got to be career-minded
02:12Nothing too flash-minded
02:14But some will get him a bit of money
02:15And he can't be too good-looking
02:17Cos that'll cause problems with other women
02:19But he can't be horrible neither
02:21Cos I've got to live with him
02:22He's got it all worked out, hasn't she?
02:24I told you, Mary, I'm taking it very seriously
02:26I've written out all the qualifications
02:28And are marking me candidates on a scale of 1 to 20
02:31What about Kelvin?
02:32You've been knocking back quite a lot with him lately
02:34No, he only got 11
02:35I'm not even looking at anyone under 70%
02:37My mind's buggles
02:39Well, this is nearly finished
02:40What shall we do next?
02:41We'll go and play some tapes at my house if you like
02:43Mum and Dad are away
02:44So I've got the place to myself
02:45We can even look over a shortlist
02:47Spot the lucky guy
02:49No one's going anywhere to this place's spick and span
02:52So you might as well knuckle down to it
02:54Yeah, but I really ought to get back to the shop and help Dad though
02:56Yeah, but your father doesn't want you leaving this place like a pigsty either
02:58He's expecting you to do your share
03:00Can't we do it later?
03:02Later never comes, young lady
03:04Now look, your father spent a lot of trouble on this place
03:08So the least we can do is to make it look like a home
03:11Okay?
03:12All right, see you later
03:15Bye
03:16Bye
03:17Well, she's changed the tune of it
03:20Used to be a pokey little house, she hated it
03:22Well, maybe she might change her mind about Dad as well
03:25Yeah, but it's not going to be easy though
03:27Why not?
03:28They used to love each other
03:30Well, a lot of things have changed since then
03:32Look, do you want these old magazines?
03:34Yeah
03:35Put them in your own room then
03:36Look, suppose if Mum and Dad do get back together
03:39Hmm?
03:40Well, I'm not saying they will, but suppose if they do
03:41Well, you've got a habit of sort of getting in the way, Cassie
03:44And opening your mouth when you ought to be quiet
03:45What?
03:46Now, I know you don't mean it
03:47But you always seem to pop up at the wrong moments
03:48And it gets on my nerves
03:49So it's not exactly going to help them
03:51You're just being rotten
03:52Look, no, no, no
03:53I'm just being practical
03:54Now look, if you want Mum and Dad to get back together
03:57You're going to have to let them have some time on their own
03:59They have to start right back from the beginning like they just met
04:01You know, with soft lights and sweet music and romance
04:05Just like in them magazines
04:07Oi! Can't you two go upstairs?
04:10Eh?
04:11We're supposed to be getting ready for opening up
04:12Don't mind me, I just live here
04:14Yeah, well, we've got to get things organised, don't we, Sharon?
04:16Yeah, your Mum and Dad don't expect the place to have fallen apart
04:18Yeah, that's where they're going to be wrong, eh? Sales are going to be right up
04:21We're only going to ruin the sales by just sitting here, are we?
04:23No, it's the wrong image for the place, though, isn't it?
04:26Don't suppose you'd bother with him, did you?
04:28Wixie? Yeah, 9 out of 20 job, very disappointing
04:30What about Lofty?
04:3230%
04:33And I was being generous
04:34Can't argue with the figures
04:36Hang on, we ain't open for five minutes
04:39Oh, come on, it's hanging with me, I've got your lemons
04:41All right, all right
04:43What are you waiting for, Christmas?
04:45All right, hang on
04:47Oh, here you go
04:48Cheers, mate
04:49So, how's it going then?
04:50Oh, it's going great
04:51I reckon we'll be baiting her afters all week
04:53Yeah, well, I'm glad somebody's doing all right
04:55Yeah, what's up?
04:56Don't ask
04:57Suit yourself
04:58Well, seeing as you could ask, Simon
05:00Could you give me some advice?
05:02Blimey
05:03I never thought you'd come to me for help
05:05Yeah, well, I don't like to, but it's your speciality, innit?
05:08What's that?
05:09Women
05:10Oh, yes
05:11You've come to an expert there, what's your problem?
05:13I can't get one
05:14Oh, have you tried?
05:15Yeah
05:16What happened?
05:17I was smacking the mouth from your best mate
05:19You need to take your hand, Ian
05:20Come here
05:25Yeah, I don't suppose you were off with Ian, did you?
05:27Well, I did, actually
05:28And?
05:29Look, let's forget it, eh, Michelle?
05:30What did he score?
05:3114
05:32Well, that's 70%
05:34Bingo, you're in business
05:36Yeah, but Ian, I must have gone wrong somewhere
05:38Don't chicken out now
05:39The figures never lie
05:41Cheers, mate
05:42That should work
05:43See you later, Frank
05:44Ian!
05:45What?
05:48You made up with Kelvin now?
05:49Yeah, I've still got the bruises to prove it, though
05:51You're really childish, you know
05:53What's it got to do with you?
05:55Well, your mate, yeah
05:56Anyway, while you're fighting it over Mary, you could have better chances in another direction
06:01Hmm?
06:02Just think it over, little cousin
06:04Look, you've cheered up a bit
06:05Yeah, I know
06:06I had a chat with Shelby and Simon put me right about a few things
06:08Ah, good
06:09I'm glad you're getting on with me better
06:10Look, you don't mean to say I like him, but if you need advice, you go to the expert, don't you?
06:13So what's he masterminding?
06:15Women
06:16See the cunt to see me about that?
06:18What?
06:19You reckon?
06:20Boy, I've broke a few hearts in my time
06:21Oh, yeah
06:22Yeah, I know you think I'm near my pension
06:24The cunt that he'd want a bit of advice in that department
06:26Yeah, well, I'll remember that for next time
06:28Yeah, well, who's the lucky girl, then?
06:30Mary?
06:31Oh, I don't really want bother with Kelvin
06:32I've got somebody else in mind
06:33I don't think she's too interested
06:35Well, you know what they say
06:36Painter, never one fair lady
06:37Yes, well, I remember that, Mr LeBomb
06:39Who?
06:40Look, son
06:41I'm just trying to help
06:42Girls don't like wimps
06:43They want real men
06:44I mean, keep the confidence up
06:45Keep the chat going
06:46Yeah, it's all very well for you to say
06:48But I never get that far
06:49I've got to get her to go out with me first
06:50Look, you tell her you've booked a couple of tickets for something
06:52You've been round to pick her up at seven
06:54I suppose she says no
06:55You don't give a chance, do you?
06:56Keep the old bunny going
06:57Well, I suppose I'm giving a try
06:58Come on, it never fails
06:59Well, in that case, you and Mum better stay in the pub this evening
07:02Eh?
07:03Well, I thought we'd go back to the flat
07:04Nice, quiet little mill for two
07:06Just for tourists
07:07See, I don't want you cramping my style, Dad
07:09Where do you want the stuff?
07:12Uh, over there, I suppose
07:14What I really need is a lot more space
07:16Oh, you'll be okay when you've got your big conversion done
07:19Yeah
07:20Well, look, me and Cassie haven't finished clearing up yet
07:23So you'll have to manage on your own
07:24Oh, that's okay
07:25And, er, look, why don't you and Mum go out to lunch
07:27So we can surprise her by having everything ready by the time she gets back
07:30Did she suggest that?
07:31No
07:32I just thought you don't spend enough time on your own together
07:34Without me and Cassie under your feet
07:36Are you up to something, Kelvin?
07:38Just smoothing things along
07:39Yeah
07:40Well, why don't you smooth things along with Ian?
07:42You know, I hate to see the both of you fighting
07:44Oh, all right, all right
07:45I've already promised Michelle I'll try and sort it out
07:47Okay
07:49Take your coats out, please
07:52Yeah, coming up
07:53Oh
07:54I'll do it again in a minute, right?
07:56Don't bother
07:57I don't want anything done round this mother
07:59I have to do it myself
08:01There you are
08:02Another example of marital bliss for you
08:04Reckon you're right about these arranged marriages
08:06There you go
08:07Cheers out, I'm sorry
08:08Look, Michelle, I know it's a good theory
08:10It's just Ian I'm not sure about
08:12Let's go over the figures again
08:14Career prospects
08:19No, he's always known what he wanted to do
08:22He's a smashing cook
08:23All right, I'll give him four out of five for that
08:25Fidelity
08:27Eh?
08:28Well, is he going to stay faithful or is he going to play around?
08:30Five out of five for that, I reckon
08:32Look, any chance that Ian gets of going out of anyone
08:34He's not going to risk mucking it up, is he?
08:36All right, I'll give him another four
08:38He's not exactly a sex symbol, is he?
08:40That's got to be to an advantage, innit?
08:42I mean, he don't want hundreds of screaming females
08:44Rampaging after his body, do you?
08:46Next
08:47Compatibility
08:49Oh, he's got to like what I like and get on with your mates
08:52Oh, he's got to score well there, innit?
08:53You've known each other for so long
08:55You've got the same mates
08:56You get on great with Pete and Kath
08:57See they'll have no trouble with the in-laws
08:59You're enjoying this, aren't you?
09:01You're too right, Ian
09:02Listen, this was your idea
09:03You've got to see it from now
09:04All right, don't rub it in
09:05Well, how are you going to start it, then?
09:07What?
09:08Well, I mean, how are you going to get the ball rolling?
09:11Well, I'm not asking him out
09:12You draw the line at that, Michelle
09:14Listen, you can hardly weigh him up as a future bridegroom
09:16if you don't go out with him
09:17Well, he'll have to ask me out
09:19Supposedly, don't
09:20Course he will
09:21He does every few months, regular as clockwork
09:23Yeah, and you always say no
09:24He might have given up
09:25Well, you'd better give him a hint
09:27I already have
09:29It's funny, innit?
09:30Never really saw myself as a Cupid before
09:33If we're bringing everyone else together, I'll be the only one left single
09:38So we're never going to fall out over women again?
09:40Suits me
09:41Anyway, I've decided to give you a clean mum and Mary
09:43Ban out the race
09:44Oh, no, that's all right, mate
09:45You leave it to her, eh?
09:46See what's one she goes for
09:47Yeah, look, I've got my eyes on somebody else now
09:49Oh, you're getting to be a bit of a lad, aren't you?
09:51Who's it this time?
09:52Sharon
09:53She'll eat you for breakfast?
09:55Nah, that's where you're wrong
09:56We've had a chat with a few people about this
09:57Oh, yeah
09:58Look, I reckon if I play my cards right, what can go wrong?
10:00Looks like the old man said
10:01I've got to be more forceful
10:02Careful
10:03Or you could end up with another smack in the mouth
10:05No, I don't mean like that
10:06Look, it's a matter of confidence, innit?
10:08Look, there isn't any reason why she shouldn't fancy me
10:10No
10:11Except that you both grew up together
10:12And she looks on you like her brother
10:13Well, knock that on the head, eh?
10:14Come on then, let's have your two penny
10:16Eh?
10:17Well, everyone else has given me advice
10:19Well, the secret with birds is they want to hear about themselves
10:22What do you mean?
10:23Well, most guys start mouthing off about what great fellas they are
10:25But that doesn't seem to impress
10:26So?
10:27So?
10:28So, you're flattering
10:29It always works
10:30I mean, you look at her and you say
10:31Cheryl, I never realised what beautiful eyes you've got
10:34Well, they're not that special
10:35Well, no, it doesn't have to be her eyes
10:36It can be her hair, her hands, anything
10:37But it's the sincerity that counts
10:39Right
10:40And whenever there's a lull in the conversation
10:42You say something nice about her
10:43But you're beating out of your hand in no time
10:45Yeah, I know
10:46That's all very well in theory
10:47When it comes to the crunch, we might have just go blank, wouldn't it?
10:49Probably because you need to rehearse
10:50Have you got a bit of paper?
10:51Oh, yeah
10:52Back of the wine bar salad list
10:54Right
10:55I'll sort you out some good lines in no time
10:57There we are
10:58A pint of special
10:59And an orange juice
11:00Thank you, Cathy
11:04Sorry it has to be the pub
11:06I wasn't actually planning on staying for lunch
11:08No, me neither
11:09Cassie and Kelvin were most insistent
11:12You know, they think we don't spend enough time together
11:15I got the message
11:17You know, I think they're up to something
11:21You know, everything seems simpler when you're of age
11:24You just simply wipe the slip clean and start again
11:26Yeah
11:27Mind you, sometimes I don't think it's such a bad idea
11:32Hannah
11:33Mm-hmm, yes
11:34Are you enjoying it?
11:35What?
11:36The special
11:37That was my idea
11:38You see, we don't have customers getting bored with the same old menu
11:40Thought we'd try something different
11:41Oh, it's very nice
11:43Oh, that's what I like, to be satisfied customers
11:45Now, you got any complaints or any suggestions
11:47Just come and see me, all right?
11:48All of them, because we're in charge for two weeks
11:50Yes
11:51All right
11:52One out of a tea, all right?
11:54Is there a shower there?
11:56Yeah, a shower
11:57See if we can come out, Mum, all right?
11:59Sharon!
12:01Do you want something to eat?
12:02Oh, no, thanks
12:03You could be missing out on a gastronomic delight, you know
12:04We've got a special on today, state and kidney
12:05Your mum made it
12:06I did
12:07Oh, well, why don't you have one, anyway?
12:08Me and Wicks are in charge for two weeks
12:09We've got to keep our sales quotas up, you know
12:10No, it's all right
12:11I'm planning a big meal for tonight, all right?
12:12Hi, Sharon
12:13Uh, Ian wants you
12:14Oh, um, hi, Sharon
12:15What do you want?
12:16Um, well, I was wondering, are you, um, busy tonight?
12:32Not specially, no
12:33Oh, great
12:34So?
12:35Well, um, I thought, what were your mum and dad being away?
12:38Um, I thought, well, I could perhaps cook a meal for us both over at my mum and dad's
12:43And then we could go to a disco afterwards
12:46Okay
12:47You'll come?
12:48I just said, didn't I?
12:50Oh, um, yeah, well, I'll pick up about seven then
12:52Fair enough
12:53See you later
12:54Yeah, tell, Sharon
13:06Michelle, uh, can I go over with you?
13:08That's good, I wanted to work with you, too
13:09Yeah, I know, I think mine's a bit more urgent
13:10Um, me and Sharon are going on a date
13:12Well, it's a turn up for the books, innit?
13:14You know what?
13:15I tell you, you could have knocked me down with a feather when she said yes
13:17I mean, she's always turned me down before now
13:19Yeah, I know
13:20Do you know what?
13:21I never realised you fancied me too
13:22Well, I suppose you knew
13:23You're the best mate, innit?
13:24Must talk things over
13:25Well, we have mentioned it a few times lately
13:27So, uh, how do you think I should play it then?
13:29That's a good question
13:30What do you reckon?
13:31Strong and silent, soft and romantic
13:33I tell you, everyone's given me advice today
13:35But you know best, you're our best mate, innit?
13:37Just don't play it too macho
13:39It's not your style
13:40How do you mean?
13:41Look, no offence Ian, but Rambo, you're not
13:43And play the gentleman
13:45Help her with her coat
13:46Make a fuss of her
13:47Treat her like a lady
13:48We are talking about the same person
13:49Yes we are
13:50And if you want to get anywhere with her
13:51You'll follow my advice
13:52Yeah, okay, sure
13:53Here, Kelvin's given me a list of the chat-up lines
13:56Do you want to have a look?
13:57No thanks
13:58I did go out of him before
13:59I probably heard him myself
14:00Oh
14:01Oh yeah, I forgot
14:02But just remember she's a human being too
14:05Huh?
14:06I mean, most blokes can't wait two minutes before they start leaping all over you
14:09She's got a mind
14:10Talk to her, make conversation
14:12Oh, so you don't want to add any more lines to this list?
14:14No, I don't think so
14:15No, I didn't think you did
14:16Hello mum
14:17Oh, miracles do happen, Dot
14:18Actually turned up early for once
14:20Hello, love
14:21I've done the spuds
14:22Oh, thanks
14:23Are you going to stay and have something to eat with us?
14:24Um, no, it's all right
14:25I've got a big meal plan for tonight, thanks
14:26Oh
14:27What's going on a date with Sharon?
14:28Oh
14:29I think I'd better be getting home, all right?
14:31Yeah, see you then
14:32Oh, tell her all, see you then
14:33Good luck
14:34Thanks, I think I'm going to mean it
14:36Fancy our Ian going on a date
14:39Remembering me nappies
14:40And Sharon
14:41We were all growing up, weren't we?
14:43At least you won't have to worry about me going out on dates for a while
14:46Not in my condition
14:47Don't suppose anyone would want to take me
14:49I wonder if I should have a word with her
14:51Who?
14:52Sharon
14:53Why?
14:54Well, I promised Angie I'd keep an eye on her while she was away
14:57I don't think you want to worry about her
14:59Not with Ian, Mum
15:00No, not with Ian
15:01But I mean, boys of that age
15:03They've only got one thing on their minds
15:05I just hope Sharon's got enough sense not to let anyone make a fool of her
15:10I'm sorry, Sharon
15:12I'm not blaming you
15:14But what I mean is
15:16Boys of that age, they do only think of one thing
15:18And
15:19Well, before you know where you are
15:21You're in too deep
15:22Well, it weren't like that with me, Mum
15:25He wasn't Ian's age, he was older
15:27Quite a bit older
15:28And he didn't make a fool of me
15:30I knew what I was doing
15:38Well, you're a bit of a dark horse, ain't ya?
15:40Huh?
15:41Your dad just told me about you and Sharon
15:43How long's this been going on, then?
15:44Couple of hours
15:45Oh, yeah
15:46Oh, cheers, sir
15:47Well, here's a flat to no-go area tonight for your dad, then
15:51Just what you're planning, Ian?
15:53I think just a little bit of supper, that's all
15:55Yeah, as long as that's all you're getting up to
15:58Just remember, her mum's my best mate
16:00It's gone out really bad for me if you take advantage while her parents are away
16:03Look, Charles will be a fine thing
16:05Oh, yeah?
16:06Look, it's taken me months to even get Sharon to go out with me
16:09We'll be collecting our pensions before we get around to anything you and Angie might object to
16:12That's not the way your dad tells it
16:14Yeah, well, dad seems to have more faith in my romantic abilities than I do
16:17Mind you, it hasn't stopped him giving me advice, I can tell you
16:19I've got this list of possible chattel lines
16:21Go on, have a look at these
16:23Wanna add any suggestions?
16:25Oh, you're not gonna say this to Sharon
16:28Oh, girl, what's wrong with it?
16:29Well, nothing, I mean, it was great at the young doctors
16:32They don't really sound like you, though, Ian
16:34So, er, what do you think I should say, then?
16:36Well, just be yourself
16:37It's you she's agreed to go out with
16:39Maybe
16:40Here, Kelvin's gonna lend me one of his jackets
16:43Well, what about a shirt?
16:45Well, you ain't got anything halfway decent, have you?
16:47Oh, I'll pick you up one from the market
16:49Well, shouldn't I choose it?
16:50No, love, not with your taste
16:53Oh, come on, don't look so worried
16:55I'm not worried
16:57I'm scared stiff, Mum
16:59Come on, we'll have a bit of practice on the stall
17:01Anyway, your dad's tea's getting calmed
17:03That's true, we've got the basics
17:04Ian, not long till zero hour
17:06Well, no, I know
17:07Do you need any more advice?
17:08No, I've got advice coming out of my ears, sunshine
17:10See you later, all right?
17:11Cheers
17:12Can't we go home?
17:13No
17:14Mum, I want to watch television
17:16Well, that's tough
17:17Mum said I'll pick you up
17:19Look, Kessie, do you want Mum and Dad to get back together?
17:21Yes
17:22You're gonna have to let them have some time on their own, I've told you
17:24Just drink that Coke and show that
17:26Do you want something, Cheryl?
17:41No
17:43Well, you look like a wet weekend
17:45What's up?
17:46Nothing
17:47Well, surely you've got something better to do with your time than watch me clean my shoes
17:52I was just wondering what you were like at my age
17:56I've got some pictures, I'll sort them out for you if you like
17:59That's all right, carry on cleaning your shoes
18:01I was thinner, you ain't?
18:03I bet
18:04Yeah
18:05Yeah, and good-looking, even though I say it myself
18:07Mum was good-looking too, weren't she?
18:09She still is
18:11Do you ever think about what might have happened if you two had never met and then never got married?
18:19Married someone else, I suppose
18:22So you'd never been like the confirmed old bachelor?
18:25In your own place, cooking your own meals, dining your own socks
18:28Oh, I could manage that, I suppose
18:31But I'm the marrying kind
18:34I like to share things, I like the companionship
18:37Most people do, if they're honest
18:39But mate, living on your own's got its advantage, hasn't it?
18:43You've got no-one else to please except yourself, then
18:45I know some people manage it
18:48But, er, it doesn't seem quite natural somehow
18:51Now, I think we were made to be in families
18:54Maybe
18:55Well, the system seems to have lasted for a few thousand years
18:59Then why is the divorce rate so high?
19:01Because they're not prepared to stick at it
19:03Oh, I know they're saying sickness and health and all that sort of thing
19:06But the first sign of trouble, they want to quit
19:09That's no good, is it?
19:11You've got to work at it, just like everything else
19:18Not too late, am I?
19:19I had a bit of work to get sorted in the obvious, it took longer than expected
19:21Oh, don't worry, I'm still finishing the woodwork
19:23Oh
19:24I took ages filling in all the cracks and I'm just sanding it
19:27Oh, we're going by the book, are we?
19:29Yeah, I've got those from the library
19:31And he usually does the decorating
19:33Yeah, well, he got me here now, haven't you?
19:35Right, erm, do you want some old clothes?
19:37There's probably something about us that'll fit you
19:39No, no, no, it's all right, I've got my overalls here, look
19:42Oh
19:43You're mad when he sees a staked this shirt
19:45Eh?
19:46Serves him right for not helping
19:48Well, that's up to you, isn't it?
19:50I mean, I could be around when you need me, no?
19:52Have you thought any more about what I said?
19:55What?
19:56Getting married
19:57Yes
19:58I have, I've thought about it quite a bit, actually
20:02It's just I promised Ange I'd keep an eye on you while she was away
20:06She don't want you ending up the same way as me, you see?
20:08Shell, don't you start that
20:10Look, all we're doing is going from moving on to a disco
20:12I don't know why everyone's making such a fuss about it
20:17Oh, er, hello, Mary
20:19I heard about you and Kelvin
20:21Oh
20:22Well, you're daft, you're both stupid
20:24Yeah, well, we've got it all sorted out now, thanks
20:26Glad to hear it
20:27It's a bit of a joke, isn't it, fighting over me?
20:29If you'll make you grow up, I'll go out with either of you
20:31That's if I can bring Annie, of course
20:33That's it
20:34Hey, love's young's dream, eh? Who possessed them?
20:39Thank you, Dad
20:40You ready, Cheryl?
20:41Yep, yep, see you later
20:42Come on, let's get out of here
20:43Go on, do it yourself
20:44Dressed to kill, eh?
20:45Don't do anything, I wouldn't do that
20:48Oh, be fair, Mum, you was young yourself once
20:53There's no need for all that
20:55Come on, Shelley, don't mean any harm, there's only teasing
20:58Yeah, well, maybe I've lost my sense of humour because I don't find it very funny
21:01What's up?
21:02Nothing
21:03Oh, come on, there must be something
21:05I'm just fed up with it all
21:07Well, it's just cos you're pregnant, love
21:09You're bound to get the blues then
21:11I mean, the months just seem to drag by
21:13Mum, it's more than that
21:15You've seen Sharon and Ian tonight really made me think
21:17There's gonna be none of that for me, is there?
21:20Which was feeding and washing nappies and pushing primes
21:24Look, Dad, the father, I know you said he was a lot older than you, but
21:28Well, couldn't you go and see?
21:30No, no, I couldn't
21:32You must be fond of him
21:34I am, I was
21:38Why don't you go and talk to him?
21:40Cos there'd be no point
21:42I don't know till you try
21:44Mum, I do
21:46He's married
21:47And I don't want to hear any more on the subject, all right?
21:54Well, that wasn't too bad, was it?
21:56Thanks to you
21:57How long will it take to dry?
21:58Oh, quite a while
21:59But I'm sure we can find something to keep ourselves occupied
22:02Here
22:04What? What's up?
22:05You've got a speck of paint on your cheek and your nose, don't you?
22:08Oh, get off
22:09I'm surprised that's all
22:10Andy says I usually get more on me than on the walls
22:12Oh, you did just fine
22:14Here
22:15That's better
22:16Thanks
22:18Hey, you look good like that, you know
22:19What? In Andy's old shirt?
22:21Yeah, now, wait a minute
22:22What did it say in the advert?
22:23Looks even better on a man
22:25Oh, come on, they've got to be kidding, eh?
22:30Thanks, Ian
22:31That was really nice
22:32Well, there's, erm, plenty more if you want some
22:33No doubt
22:34I'm watching me wait at the moment
22:36Oh, you don't need a diet, Sharon
22:37You've got a smashing figure
22:38You reckon?
22:39Yeah
22:40Look, er, what time's the disco start, eh?
22:42Oh, it's not too late for it
22:43We've got plenty of time yet
22:44For what?
22:45Yeah
22:46Well, you said we've got plenty of time
22:47Yeah, well, I thought we could have a bit of a chat first
22:50What about?
22:51This and that
22:52Look, you've got any good tapes?
22:54Huh?
22:55Oh, yeah, that's a good idea
22:56I'll put something on
22:57You know, best thing about Mum and Dad being away
22:59I can play me tapes full blast and no-one moans at me
23:02Um, you know something, Sharon
23:04What?
23:05Um, well, I've never realised before what beautiful eyes you've got
23:08Do you like this?
23:09Huh?
23:10The tape, Ian
23:11It's awful
23:12Yeah, I must admit I've gone off it a bit too
23:14Um, do you want to choose something?
23:15Depends what you've got
23:16Well, have a look, see what you fancy
23:18I think I'll leave it
23:21Yeah, well, um, Simon's borrowed all my best ones
23:24Well, shall we forget the tapes, eh?
23:25Yeah, I didn't really feel like this little music anyway
23:28Um, you see, I've wanted to get you on your own for such a long time
23:32You see, there's, well, so much I want to say to you
23:35Like what?
23:36Uh, well, um, I fancy her
23:41I know
23:42And...
23:45You sure you don't want any more to eat?
23:51What are you, Sharon?
23:52What, love orange juice?
23:53No, thanks
23:54Oh, nuts, crisps
23:56Go on, I've got to keep your clothing up
23:57Or Simon will think I'm letting the side down
23:59I just want a bit of cheering up
24:01How much does that cost?
24:02We'll have that on the house
24:04Well, go on, then
24:06Make me laugh
24:08Um
24:09Do you know the one about, er
24:11The Englishman, the Irishman and the jar of coffee?
24:14Yes
24:15Oh, er
24:16Well, how about the one about the Watusi tribe?
24:18Yeah, you told me that one
24:19You keep getting the ending wrong
24:20Well, those are the only jokes I know
24:22Well, I had a good one tonight
24:24PC Plods asked Debbie to marry him
24:26Chewing up outside her door
24:28Oh, blimey
24:29You are down this evening, aren't you?
24:31Oh, don't let it worry you, Lofty
24:33Mum says everyone gets like this when they're pregnant
24:35Well, maybe she's right
24:36Well, maybe I'm just going off my trolley
24:39No
24:40I must be
24:41I really envied Sharon going out with Ian tonight
24:44Do you fancy Ian, then?
24:46No
24:47No
24:48So I fancy being like a typical 16-year-old again
24:53Do you think we ought to be getting ready to go out, Ian?
24:55Oh, I don't know
24:56I'm not bothered about the disco, really
24:58Here, we can stay here if you like
24:59There's nothing to do
25:00There's plenty to do
25:01Like what?
25:02The washing up?
25:03Yeah, I forgot
25:04Plenty of laughs
25:05I told you, I want to talk to you
25:07You've said
25:08But that's about all you've said
25:10Except you fancy me
25:12Well, it's the truth
25:13Maybe it isn't, but it's not exactly getting us anywhere, is it?
25:17I'm not much good at this sort of thing, am I?
25:20Do you want an honest answer?
25:21No, it's okay, I know
25:23Just about everyone has given me advice today
25:25Telling me what to do, what to say
25:27Well, it's all very well with them telling me
25:29But, well, when it comes to the crunch, I feel like a wally
25:33You're not a wally, Ian
25:35We're not all the time, anyway
25:36Oh, thanks, that makes me feel a whole lot better
25:38You're just a bit shy, I suppose
25:40Oh, that's it
25:41I'm shy, I'm suffering from terminal shyness
25:43So why don't we cut our losses, then, and go to the disco?
25:45I don't want to go to the disco
25:47I don't want to be shy
25:48And I don't want everyone back at the pub laughing at me
25:50Because they'll know what a mess I'll make of things
25:52So what are you going to do about it, then?
25:55Start again?
25:57We ain't got long, have we?
25:59Well, we could at least give it a try
26:01Okay
26:07Erm, well, I just thought that...
26:10Well, that's what's been bothering me most
26:12So I've got to get it out of the way first
26:15Look, don't get me wrong
26:17I really want the baby
26:19Sometimes I even look forward to it
26:21The trouble is I want a lot of other things out of life as well
26:24You think the baby would get in the way?
26:26No, not in the way, exactly
26:28I mean, that makes me sound really horrible, really selfish
26:30There's no way I can blame the baby when I was responsible for it
26:34But I want it to be happy
26:36Happier than I ever was
26:38And I want to be happy too
26:40Well, that's fair enough, innit?
26:44I reckon if I had a kid, I'd spoil it rotten
26:46No, you'd be a really good dad
26:48Well, I'd never smack it
26:49I reckon they'd get enough of that later on
26:51What would you do if it was naughty?
26:53Talk, explain things
26:55You can't explain things to a baby
26:57Of course you can
26:58I mean, that's how they learn to talk themselves
27:00If you wallop them
27:01Well, all they learn is to be crafty
27:03And go behind your back like other people
27:05Probably little Dr Spock, innit?
27:07Well, it's all fear, innit?
27:08I don't expect I'll ever put it into practice
27:10And he'd want to marry me, eh?
27:13I would
27:16Hey
27:18Hey, love, Dave
27:19Any chance of a drink up here, mate?
27:21Er, just a second, Pete
27:23What did you just say?
27:25I don't think I heard you right
27:27Well, you know when you asked me to marry her?
27:30Yeah
27:31Did you mean it?
27:33Yeah
27:34I mean, it was a long time ago
27:36You could have changed your mind by now
27:38No, I haven't
27:40And why don't we?
27:49I don't work
27:57We're back in Albert Square here on Drama
27:59When classic EastEnders continues Monday from 12
28:03And if you've missed any so far
28:05You can catch up with our on-demand service UK TV Play
28:09Next, last of the summer wine
28:39We're not even a big comedy
28:40We're not beers
28:44We're back in the summer
28:58We're not a big one
29:00We're back in the summer
29:02We've been a big one