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00:00I
00:30this feels like a moment
00:33it should
00:34you're finally getting what you're owed
00:37part of what I'm owed
00:38still
00:41it's a start, isn't it?
00:45and it makes you realise what's important
00:47and what would that be, Confucius?
00:50and your kids
00:51protecting their future
00:53who knows
00:58maybe one day you'll put a smile on Steph's face again
01:02that post it won't report in
01:09how hard is it to push some letters through a box
01:12anyone could swipe these
01:13and then they'd know, all your business
01:15we've got an email from the hospital
01:19looks like it could be to do with that job
01:22what was that about people wanting to know all your business?
01:25well, I'm sister, so it's different
01:27read it
01:29no need to look so worried
01:31who said I was worried?
01:34well, the big man not to snap you up
01:35come on, I'm a saddo with no life humour me
01:38well?
01:43got the job
01:44and that's your happy face?
01:47it's just a job
01:48this calls for champagne
01:49whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
01:50it's barely nine o'clock in the morning
01:52box first then
01:53but we are celebrating
01:54oh my
02:02Sarah, hi
02:07you enjoy any time off?
02:10oh, erm, yeah
02:12I, er, it's bliss
02:15not to have a day full of boils and bunions
02:18look, I tried calling the surgery and they said you were on holiday
02:20so it doesn't matter
02:21oh, no, no, no, nonsense
02:22please, sit down
02:23what's happening?
02:26erm, so I've been doing some research
02:29about the chances of me having a baby
02:30and, erm, well, when you said it's not impossible
02:33it, it got me thinking
02:35right, er
02:35maybe I should have chosen my words a bit more carefully
02:39it's still extremely unlikely
02:42no, there's, there's other people out there that have done it
02:44I've been reading all about them
02:45do you remember when I was holding your hair back
02:48when you were being sick?
02:49ah, memories
02:50well, it kind of felt like we were
02:53getting back on track
02:55there's no getting about it
02:57oh, good, good
02:58because I have an awkward question I want to ask
03:01and I'm hoping that means you're not going to throw that plate in my head
03:03so I am
03:04well, I'm arranging a party
03:06for my mum
03:09right, it's her 75th birthday
03:11Rona
03:11please, all I'm asking is that you at least think about coming along
03:16it would mean the world to her and to me
03:19I appreciate the offer
03:21but I am nowhere near ready for that
03:23okay
03:24okay, yeah, sure, if that's how you feel
03:27maybe next year?
03:33I've got the cookies and pretzels
03:51who knew Eric does pretzels?
03:52celebrating
03:54er, celebrating
03:56your dad's birthday, tomorrow
03:58yeah, and?
04:01well, go on
04:02tell her
04:02the fact I'm no longer going to be, er, Fox
04:06I'm changing my name by deep pool
04:09from now on I'm just Ruby Milligan
04:10yeah, it's long overdue
04:11um, can I grab my charger?
04:15yeah, sure
04:15hey, listen, I was, er, I was thinking
04:19maybe we could kick back and watch a film
04:21your choice
04:22no matter what
04:24don't you think I can
04:25stomach a chick flick
04:26you might be able to
04:29superb
04:29return of the jedi it is then
04:31look, I've got a lot on
04:33yeah
04:35yeah, I know you do
04:36and it's
04:38sort of up in here, innit
04:39you know, you can
04:41talk to me, you know
04:42dad, there's really
04:44no need
04:45only five minutes, that's all
04:46I've got a facial
04:47booked, okay
04:48thanks
04:49I'll see you later
04:51so, there's this woman, Beth
04:57she's 40 now
04:58and her son, Jamie's 19
04:59and he's going to uni
05:00she was my age when she started IVF
05:03and everyone said to her
05:04you know, oh, you couldn't do it
05:05she'd be dead by 40
05:06but she's not
05:07she's beaten the odds
05:08well, that's great
05:10and I'm really pleased for her
05:12but
05:13I don't know her medical history, Sarah
05:15your cases may not be comparable
05:17and what cancer did Beth have
05:19and what treatment
05:19did she have a bone marrow transplant
05:21like you?
05:22could be coming at it
05:22from very different starting points
05:24your ex might not even be viable
05:26yeah, well, she's not the only one
05:27there's this other woman
05:28rain in Texas
05:28she did the same
05:29and how much did that cost her?
05:31well, she's not going to put that online
05:32is she?
05:34IVF is prohibitively expensive
05:35yeah, well, I can do it through the NHS
05:37if you were to write me a referral letter
05:38supporting me
05:39yes, I could
05:40but given your circumstances
05:42I'd be very surprised if they fund it
05:44right, so because I've got a medical condition
05:46I get discriminated against
05:47nice
05:47no, I don't think
05:49look, I've got every right to have a child
05:50yes, you absolutely do
05:52and I would wholeheartedly support you
05:54but
05:54it would be pointless
05:55right, so
05:58the only way I can have a child
06:00is by going private
06:01Sarah, listen
06:04even if you were
06:06a suitable candidate
06:07there are no guarantees
06:08a typical cycle
06:11starts at £5,000
06:12and that's not factoring in
06:14medications
06:15and scans
06:16and you could have cycle after cycle
06:18it could take months
06:19years even
06:20yeah, or I could get pregnant
06:21straight away
06:21she's raw
06:24maybe it's the name change
06:25well, I thought she'd be pleased about that
06:28yeah
06:29I suppose I just wanted her to feel like
06:32we're moving on, you know
06:34well
06:35scrubbing that man's name out of our lives
06:38is
06:38minuscule
06:39none of this is a quick fix
06:42believe me, I know
06:43I don't know
06:43one minute we're close
06:45and the next she's pulling away
06:46yeah, because she's drowning in trauma
06:50do you think I didn't do the same?
06:55there was this
06:55teacher at school
06:57was always asking me
06:59is everything alright at home?
07:02do you want to talk?
07:04couldn't think of anything worse?
07:05that meant saying those words out loud
07:07which meant
07:07acknowledging this was really happening
07:10so no, she doesn't want to talk
07:12right, so what do we do?
07:15do we just leave her to it?
07:16let her keep going over and over it
07:18inside her head?
07:19well, I said she doesn't want to talk
07:20what she needs is a whole different thing
07:21she needs therapy
07:22a professional
07:23that's the one thing we can't risk
07:25do you know what?
07:28I would give it all up
07:29the land, the depot
07:31everything if I...
07:33I'd just have my little girl back
07:35I know you would
07:36maybe I'm being too negative
07:39maybe she's nothing like me
07:40and she just
07:41needs some time to process things
07:43and how have you been since our last meeting?
07:46yeah
07:46good thanks
07:47apart from the traffic getting here
07:50oh, it's a nightmare, isn't it?
07:52and you received all the documents we sent through?
07:54yeah, they were all really helpful things
07:56well, people's expectations around nose jobs
07:59can be a little high
08:00as we say
08:00that's why we send that out
08:01to make sure everything is absolutely clear
08:04so I presume you're still keen
08:06to proceed with the rhinoplasty
08:07well, it certainly answered all my questions
08:10good
08:10and if we can just go back
08:12over your psychological assessment
08:13oh, I thought we already did that
08:16I'd just like to revisit some questions
08:19yes, well
08:21like I said before
08:23the fault lies with your chemist
08:25not with a...
08:26you can't do that
08:34I've been crossing my legs for the last hour
08:36it's a good job Dr Cavanagh asked me back then
08:39knew he would
08:40Liam
08:46what lovely cologne
08:47oh, thank you very much
08:49you're early
08:50lest coming suddenly he find you sleeping
08:53right, yes
08:54I'm handing my notice in
08:57oh
08:58erm, I see
09:00is there anything I can do to make you reconsider?
09:03not really
09:04I've got the job at the hospital
09:05right, excellent
09:07excellent, well
09:07congratulations
09:09yeah, well, at least I won't have old man Finnegan screaming down the phone at me there
09:12you won't get away with that on my watch
09:15look, John, I appreciate how frustrating this must be
09:18man of your talents, stationed on reception
09:19let's just say it's not really where my skills lie
09:21of course, you are a man of action
09:23the cut and thrust of emergency meds
09:26perils of life and death
09:28it's hardly any wonder
09:28oh, butterfingers
09:31great, great, great
09:32brilliant, now reception is full of soil
09:34don't worry, I'll clear it up
09:36where's your dust pad?
09:37we haven't got one
09:38you don't have a dust pad?
09:39I don't know, there might be one in the back
09:40William?
09:42hey, hey, hey
09:42you okay?
09:44okay
09:44I compare aspects of my appearance to others
09:50yeah, sometimes
09:52at times I think I am no good at all
09:56disagree
09:57I spend more than one hour a day thinking about my appearance
10:02disagree
10:02I replay painful events over and over in my mind
10:07until I am overwhelmed
10:08I strongly disagree
10:11sorry, how many more of these are there?
10:14no, that was the last
10:15you okay?
10:19it's clear you found some of those questions distressing
10:23if there's anything else you need to tell me
10:25if there's anything you want to discuss
10:27that you'd understand
10:33try me
10:34look, I see all kinds of patients
10:38I hear all kinds of stories
10:40I promise
10:41I won't be shocked
10:42and I won't judge
10:45yeah, maybe I do need to
10:53tell someone
10:55I can't keep it inside any longer
11:00yeah, and I am not trying to
11:20the same age
11:211, 2, 3
11:211, 2, 3
11:24out, two, three, good. You're safe. No one's coming in here. I'm going to stay with you
11:35as long as you want. Okay? Yeah. Now, in a minute, I'm going to ask you to look around
11:45the room and focus on three objects. Then, we're going to focus on three sounds, finally
11:52move three body parts. This is going to help ground you. Okay? Is that the first one? Right.
12:02Why don't you just hold on to that? Okay? Focus on her and just breathe. Good. Just keep
12:15breathing. What went on that night, it was horrific. I've not told anyone. I've just
12:25bottled it up. No one else knows apart from you and everyone else involved. And how many
12:33were involved, exactly? Six. I can see why you're so traumatised. Yeah. The tears, they
12:42are meant to be a release. But this, it just keeps going round and round. There's never
12:51an escape. And every time I look in the mirror, it's just a constant reminder of everything
12:56that happened. And I just, I, I need this. Just to go back to the start, this period of
13:05bullying. You say it started at boarding school and it was solely focused on your nose. Yeah.
13:10Yeah. The taunts. They were practically every day. Well, it must have been extremely hard.
13:14Yeah, it was. My concern is in many cases like yours, a patient may have a noticeably unusual
13:22appearance. Cleft palate, for example. And conditions that may result in further incidents of bullying.
13:30In those cases, surgery can make a huge difference. And what? Mine won't. Well, in surgical terms,
13:36your nose is unremarkable. I can change its appearance. It wasn't, let's do it.
13:42Surgery won't rectify the trauma you've already suffered. What, and you think I don't already
13:46know that I'm not stupid? Sorry. Um, look, I know you're just trying to be diligent and do your job,
13:55but at least when I look in the mirror, I won't have to be reminded of everything that happened.
14:02I mean, isn't that good enough reason? I promise I am not some screw up. I know this isn't a magic
14:08wand. And you're not considering any further procedures? No, this is just one blot on the
14:14landscape. One thing I don't like about myself. I mean, come on, you must have thousands of
14:19patients like me. I do. It's just important to manage a patient's expectations.
14:24In terms of aftercare, you have family, friends who can take care of you. Yeah, sure. They're
14:35amazing. And you will need to be nil by mouth for six hours before the procedure. And I suggest
14:40leaving early, given the road works. Does that mean...
14:44Well, good to go. I'll see you tomorrow. You have to be a plant pot. I mean, what sort of a man?
14:52A doctor jumps out of his skin? One who's been randomly attacked. One who's probably suffering
15:00from PTSD. I've seen some of the hardest nuts in the army reduce to quivering wrecks. All
15:08it takes is the sound of a car backfiring. Sometimes not even that. You've better sent Mrs.
15:14Ringleton. Why don't you let me deal with her? Please. Take five. Get yourself back on track.
15:23Wow. Must have been some facial, that. Oh, well, I actually just called up with
15:42Rie. She's in town. Rie from Capri. You're a poet and you don't know it, Mum.
15:47She, er, she's still in the repping? Yes, and loving it. She actually wants me to go out and
15:53stay with her. That'd be good. Yes, it would. Which is why I'm flying out there.
15:58All right. Flying out when? Tomorrow lunchtime, so I should probably get packed.
16:01Wow, well, that's, er, that's a bit sudden, isn't it? It's your dad's birthday tomorrow.
16:06We were gonna... You just said it will do me good. That's not quite what I meant.
16:10Yeah, do you think it's a good idea? I mean, do you really want to be out there on your own
16:14right now? Well, I'm not gonna be on my own. I'll be with Rie. Not if she's working.
16:17And what? I'm spilling all our family secrets to the locals how many times? Not gonna happen.
16:23You were amazing. I don't know what I would have done without you.
16:27No, it was nothing. No, well, what I said earlier, if there's anything I can do to make
16:31you reconsider. Well, they cut out for being some glorified receptionist.
16:35I quite agree, which is why I've offered the position permanently to Claudette. I have to
16:41make a few cuts, but it means that you can get on with the job that you're supposed to
16:47do. Please. We need you. I need you. Not too proud to beg.
16:57Let's see how we get on. Is that a guess?
16:59For now. Good man. You won't regret it. I'll catch you later.
17:02I don't think this has gone on for long enough. You're 34 now. You're not a kid.
17:08We always knew it was a long shot, Mum. I'm sorry.
17:11That's okay. You did your best.
17:15So what did she say?
17:16Pretty much everything I expected. That it's highly unlikely I'll get pregnant and she'd
17:20strongly advise against it.
17:21Oh, love.
17:22Yeah, but then again, she has to say that. And I know how hard it's going to be, but
17:26even she had to admit, I've got a real chance with IVF and that's all I needed to hear, really.
17:30But if she's saying she'd advise against it, then surely...
17:33Look, look, I need to get some more information and I'll speak to someone who deals with fertility
17:37because, you know, Manpreet's great and all, but she's not a specialist.
17:40And if you hear the same from them?
17:42At least I can make an informed decision.
17:45Right. Okay, well, why don't we look for one together and then we can show a charity.
17:50Oh, yeah. Great idea.
17:51She's your gran. She needs to know.
17:53Yeah, and sure, she will when I'm ready, but if you bring her into this now, she'll tell
17:56me exactly what I'm thinking before I even know myself.
17:58But you can't put off the inevitable.
18:00What, like you making up with Mary? Never had you down a zipper grip.
18:05Fine. I won't say anything. For now.
18:09Right, go on. Get searching. I'll get the drinks in.
18:13Oh, I'll, um, I'll get Chas.
18:15Erm, this party, if you still want me there, I'll be there.
18:21Seriously?
18:23You don't know how much that means.
18:25But you were so...
18:25Yeah, well, sometimes you just need to accept the facts.
18:30Susie didn't want me, so whatever you and her had together is totally irrelevant.
18:34Nurse, if it's any comfort...
18:37Please, please, I don't want to talk about this anymore and I don't want either of you
18:41bringing it up again because it'll just unpick what's in my mind and I can't go there.
18:45So can we just, er, just leave it and move on?
18:48An amazing opportunity like that and you want to turn it down.
18:53Well, the surgery's closer to home.
18:56And I'm happy there.
18:57Happy? After the way you've been treated?
18:59I told you, Liam apologised. Things are going to be different.
19:02Well, I think you're mad.
19:03But, whatever makes you happy, I guess.
19:06Ta.
19:07So much for my celebratory roast.
19:09I could still come round for dinner.
19:11Six o'clock. Don't be late.
19:13Hey, do you, erm, mind if I swing by tomorrow and my clutch is slipping?
19:27I'm not surprised by the way you drive.
19:30Don't suppose you got through to him?
19:34Nay, I, erm, heard you leaving him a message.
19:38Sorry. None of my business.
19:40Yeah, you got that right.
19:40Only, er, well, Tracy was kind of at a loss yesterday.
19:45I was worried.
19:48No, I'm not trying to stick my nose in, but I had a friend do this.
19:52Just upped and left.
19:54Cut off all of his mates, his mum and dad.
19:56Not that they were much cop, but...
19:58I saw how it destroyed them.
20:01Every day.
20:02Wishing, hoping, desperate for that call.
20:06Only it never came.
20:06Just wouldn't want the same to happen to Tracy.
20:11Well, the night I know wouldn't be this cruel.
20:13And he certainly wouldn't abandon his daughter.
20:16But if that's the man he is,
20:18we're all better off without him.
20:20Cos I'm dumb.
20:21Hey, that's what I'm having with that lot.
20:40Look, I'm sorry, er...
20:42I don't mean to smother you.
20:45I'm overcompensating cos I know I let you down.
20:47And...
20:49Look, I know that I can trust you not to say anything.
20:53I know you're not some...
20:55little girl.
20:57Dad, I will always be your little girl,
20:59and you never let me down.
21:01If you really want to help...
21:04I, er, still need that suitcase.
21:08Morning.
21:10Er, excuse me, no bigging birthday, boy.
21:12You'll get your present tomorrow.
21:13Hello?
21:32Oh, yeah, hi.
21:34Um, yeah, I was just wondering if I could book a consultation.
21:37Um, I'm kind of out of action for the next few weeks, though.
21:40So...
21:41Yeah, yeah, sure.
21:43It's, er...
21:43It's for a brow lift.
21:45Thank you, Fred.