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Polyfamily S01E01

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Transcript
00:00hello hi where do you want me to sit where do you guys usually sit uh tonight's my night with
00:09taylor so i'd sit by her taylor's in the middle yay best seat in the house so how does this play
00:15uh taylor's my wife and alicia's my girlfriend and vice versa alicia's my wife and taylor's
00:22my girlfriend we are a closed call amorous quad a closed quad is four people us we're only dating
00:30within ourselves and married within ourselves we don't have any outside partners like everybody
00:35else right we never set out to live our lives like this but we realized we could love more
00:44than one person and make our own rules as to what we want our family to look like
00:48tyler and i had two children before we met sean and tad since we've all been together we've had
00:57two more children and we have one more on the way and we feel very fortunate to be able to give the
01:02kids double the love since the guys switch rooms every night we don't know who the fathers of the
01:14younger boys are i can assure you it is one of two people of course i wonder sometimes but finding
01:19out could cause a lot of hurt well i guess we know who the dad is i should be able to talk to my
01:27kid our kid how do you two describe your relationship we live together we have mutual partners and we parent
01:36together but if we were in this situation we probably wouldn't be friends
01:39this has always been a point of contention your kids and then us dude you don't need to parent me
01:45i don't need that maybe if i was parenting that would have happened
01:48when it comes to taylor and tyler it almost looks like they're more in love than him and i
01:54and i can't help but be jealous about that i don't feel like we're the same people we were at the
02:00beginning yeah but do you want to work on it or not wait a minute
02:05i have something to share i feel like i have a connection with someone else
02:16what does that mean the quad that we have now is the most important thing to me and i don't want
02:21to screw that up by not thinking things through it's complicated to bring someone else in we're not
02:25closed anymore at that point it's not i don't know where we go from here
02:29good morning good morning you look well rested thank you you as well i'm alicia and this is
02:45tyler we've been married for 11 years 11 glorious years i was 18 in a freshman in college and tyler
02:51was 20 and met at a party and kind of had an instant connection started texting the next day
02:57and never quit this is our bedroom i sleep here every night should we go show them the rest of the
03:03house okay a closed quad like ours is extremely rare what are the chances that i'm gonna love
03:09taylor's husband and she's gonna love mine it's a lot of relationships to manage and we all have to
03:15be able to get along being in a closed quad isn't always the easiest thing but it's definitely worth a
03:20good morning hi how are you hi good how are you doing well i'm doing well how are you guys
03:32the main difference between a polyamorous quad like us swinging is that our relationship is more than
03:41just physical we are a family we raise children together we have bills together we have a home
03:45together we're not just doing the sexy time so to speak how'd you sleep i've slept better yeah me too
03:54i mean utah's internet quite a bit so you're not the only one losing sleep i'm pretty sure you don't
04:00get a complaint when she's the one who's nine months pregnant for sure i'm taya this is my husband sean
04:05and we've been married for six years we met at work and he was my supervisor one day and was kind
04:10of sassy with our group and i just knew that i liked him right off the bat this is sean and taya's
04:16bedroom they also have their own bathroom and keep all of their things here in this closet
04:21it's my bed yes yeah you guys don't get to have your own beds no the girls have their own bedroom so
04:28tyler and i switch rooms every night we take our toothbrushes our pillows and whatever else we need
04:31for the next day and we do that no matter where we are we are in arguments with our pillows
04:35yes my pillow is my pillow do you and sean have an intimate relationship together sean and i do not
04:43have any kind of romantic or sexual relationship people ask that all the time but no it's not like
04:48that for us we're both straight have you two women ever had a intimate relationship
04:52no lies that's a lie that's a lie it definitely was a time that tay and alicia were have been
05:02intimate because tay is pansexual and alicia's a female and we are closed so there were scenarios to
05:09where doesn't have any other options no we're comfortable with each other and it was just a
05:14different like it was just so try things out yeah for fun alcohol helps she appreciates me i appreciate
05:21her i appreciate that they appreciate each other oh my gosh
05:24i identify as pansexual which means that i'm attracted to people for who they are and less
05:32what's on the outside or in their pants and about two years in we decided to try something a little
05:37different i approached sean about the idea of bringing in another female into our relationship
05:43and it kind of evolved from there before we got married we had had a couple of experiences like
05:49more in the swinger type of community i feel like it's most men's fantasy to be with two women
05:55it was definitely my fantasy to have a threesome i mean i didn't just assume that i didn't make that
06:00up if one's gonna choose better i had this idea one time put an ad in the cg section and see if we
06:08could fulfill this fantasy that men have nothing came of it so then about seven years into our relationship
06:15we're just like maybe we want to explore that again and got on an app matched with sean and taia
06:20sean and i started talking more regularly on the phone and then we were texting a lot and
06:26starting to catch feelings pretty quickly which was really surprising because he's so different
06:33than tyler in so many ways true it definitely took taia and i a little bit longer to accept and admit
06:40that we had feelings we started out just supposed to be kind of a hookup something physical and
06:45we're still hot and heavy but as we went along and i got to know her a little better i just
06:50i couldn't stop thinking about her i couldn't just i couldn't keep denying that i had these feelings
06:55that were forming she's she's wonderful and i just i couldn't help it
06:58yeah when we first started dating taia and i were living in portland an hour and 45 minutes away
07:06from where we currently live we were driving down every weekend to see them it was pretty hard
07:11because it's so far away and then probably about two or three months in i kind of decided that i was
07:16going to tell everyone that we've been together within the next six months and everyone thought
07:19i was stupid and crazy but hey four years later look where we are sean's an instigator i am an
07:24instigator good morning how do you guys sleep good good all the hugs all the hugs so these are
07:37our oldest two kids this is dylan and this is reina they're nine and eight tyler and i actually had
07:44dylan and reina before we met sean and taia how many parents do you guys have we have four parents
07:49we have eight people in our family taia sean dad and mom
07:56uh and me and reina bill and cover when we started out in a polyamorous lifestyle we were
08:05really nervous for dylan and reina and what that might mean for them like is it going to lead to
08:09them getting bullied are they not going to understand it we want them to be able to choose
08:14a lifestyle that they want to have now as they've got older we've had all the age-appropriate
08:20conversations about things they understand our family looks different than all the other families
08:23and some people don't think that's a good thing they understand a lot
08:27since we've all been together we've had two more children barrett who is almost two
08:41and carver who is 16 months so i birthed dylan reina and barrett and taia birthed carver and now
08:49she's pregnant with our fifth baby quentin who am i who's this right here daddy who's this mom
08:57right there mama who's this who's this who's down there wait who's that over there on the floor
09:04who's in mommy's tummy who's in mama's tummy
09:08we didn't just fall in love with alicia and tyler but we fell in love with reina and dylan
09:23and we've been able to create this big family with four parents where we can all help out and
09:28be there for each other we've just been so lucky to be able to provide that for our kids
09:32polyamory just allows you to work to your strengths with the partners you have and them to work to their
09:37strengths and not everybody has to do everything for someone there's things we gravitate towards
09:42tyler's like the fix-it guy sean's our organizer taia takes care of all of the kiddos at home she's
09:48a stay-at-home mom i tend to get the kids like enrolled in their sports and activities signed up
09:52for school um those types of of things when it comes like tasks around the house we all jump in
09:58and help we all contribute pretty well to that let's go see the farm let's go see the animals
10:04you want to go see the chickens yeah yeah let's go in our relationship we have some rules set in
10:10place and that's just to kind of be fair about things so if it's tyler's in my night together
10:15then i'm gonna sit next to tyler in the car at dinner on the couch and taia would be sitting next
10:22to sean but that doesn't stop me from giving sean any sort of affection i can still give him a kiss
10:26and a hug and yeah you can huh yeah you can and then the next night when we switch that's the day
10:36that i'll sit next to sean on the couch but i can still hug and kiss tyler too yeah you can
10:41our main rule regarding sex is that since the guys switch bedrooms every night you can be sexual with
10:48the guy that you're with in your bedroom that night and then if you would like to be intimate
10:52with them again you wait until your next night with them what do you name the small trip one
10:56sunflower which one is sunflower that one right there that one's name is sunflower yeah a lot
11:03of the boundaries that we have now we establish by crossing maximally to start with and doing
11:08something that didn't feel good to somebody in the beginning there was an incident where tay
11:11and tyler were off doing something by themselves it wasn't their night together and they had sex
11:16we needed to put something into place because there was just a lot of feelings coming up around
11:23sex and so we had to put some boundaries around it in order to make sure there was some kind of order
11:29because that's it's what we needed there's never a dull moment around here between the kids and the
11:36chickens and the cats and the horses and us and the animals and the peoples and yeah and us all the
11:42stuff as if our lives aren't crazy enough i'm 38 weeks pregnant and i'm going to be induced in a
11:48couple of days due to complications with gestational diabetes having our fifth baby is very nerve-wracking
11:53our house is already chaotic and adding a fifth will make it that much more i'm excited but i'm very
11:58very scared since the guys switch rooms every night we don't know who the fathers of the younger
12:11boys are so you've absolutely no idea who the boys are no it's really important to us that we parent
12:20the boys equally and not knowing their biology helps us do that it could be anybody could be
12:27anybody probably well we're pretty sure it's one of us yeah well it's one of us thanks i can assure
12:36you it is one of two people it seemed like a weird concept at first to not know who the father is but
12:42when you're having two intimate relationships simultaneously it doesn't really matter who the
12:50father is i mean biology really is only important if you're trying to get somebody for child support or
12:55if there's a medical issue yeah what would be important is that if the boys grew up and they
12:59wanted to know their genetics for whatever reason then we'll totally take that journey with them
13:03who's the daddy it's alicia i'm the daddy yeah there was so much thought and time and conversation that
13:10went into our choice not to know who the biological father is of these kids and when we say we don't
13:17care it's like a little bit people must understand that a little bit like of course you wonder or at
13:21least i i wonder sometimes but finding out for me i don't see a benefit it could cause a lot of hurt
13:27you know it could bring up jealousy it could bring up i don't know feelings like missing out or whatever
13:32the case might be it could trigger a lot of stuff that i don't necessarily think it's healthy but it's in
13:37there you're gonna do some hopscotch let's go get your boots off so how have you two described your
13:43relationship i think our relationship is we live together we have mutual partners and we parent
13:56together but if we were in this situation we probably wouldn't be friends
13:59hi
14:12alicia and i have the most complicated relationship of any relationship i've ever
14:27had in my life i mean i'm dating her husband and she's dating my husband but we're still married
14:33to our spouses at the same time this is a boy or a girl a boy this will be our fifth at home
14:40wow this baby overall four boys one girl it's a big family it is yes i absolutely love alicia she's my
14:49family she's like a sister to me in the sense that i love her and i will always go to bat for her but
14:54that doesn't mean we don't have our issues there are times where i feel like because she is as
14:59sensitive as she is and can be extremely emotional and your words carry so much weight to her that
15:04i really have to slow down and think before i speak in order to keep the peace in our house
15:09we've had to work really hard and intentionally about communicating instead of keeping things bottled
15:14up realizing that we need to address things when they come up because it can be a much bigger fight if we
15:19just hold on to it what night is tonight i'm with sean tonight with tyler so on tuesday who are you
15:28with sean have you ever found yourself wishing that you were with your other partner one night i've
15:36definitely wanted to be with an opposite partner if i'm fighting with one i don't want to sleep next
15:40to one but it's my night and that's taze and the other guys if they're grumpy honestly if you're in a
15:47fight with somebody like i don't want to be around you necessarily but we've always talked about if
15:53you don't want to sleep next to that person go sleep on the couch you're not going to interrupt
15:56the other person's night because that's their own relationship and not fair to that other
15:59relationship so i'll be with tyler on monday so you'll be with tyler on tuesday yeah yeah
16:04they just kiss differently they do i i mean tyler's gonna hate me but tyler has a thin upper lip
16:14and she requires him to he needs to pucker he needs to pucker his lips because otherwise it's
16:20with his mustache which he has a like full beard mustache on taya's request i would prefer if he
16:26didn't have the mustache because he doesn't pucker and i don't want to kiss his hairy lip
16:30that's a thing okay sean has very full lips like you don't have to remind him to pucker he's got it
16:38remember at the beginning when we first started like spending nice together and stuff like i
16:43tried earplugs sean tried the um like nasal strips for the snore anti-snore stuff like
16:49like i'm asleep now i've gotten used to him when you first got together were you concerned that
16:56your partner might end up loving the other person more when we first became a quad and became
17:03polyamorous i was definitely worried that my husband could have more feelings for his girlfriend than
17:09he does for me i think that comes from a place of insecurity in myself and my relationship it's
17:15always a risk to potentially open up your relationship and for them to fall in love with somebody new and
17:21decided that's what they wanted and they were happier with a new person and so i i was definitely
17:28scared tyler like packed the bag before he went to take dylan to football and i'm like why and he's
17:35like i don't know just just to be ready like you could tell he's like anxious but then he like thanked
17:40me afterwards he's like thanks for being like so solid this weekend tyler and taya are a lot like
17:47their love language is physical touch and so just very affectionate towards each other at the beginning
17:52of our exploration into like non-monogamy i had a lot of curiosity around like what my partner was
17:59doing with other people then there were lots of times that i would ask questions and then be really
18:05upset about the answers because i am a competitive person i do compare myself to other people like i think
18:12about how many times are the things that they're doing and be like oh well are you doing it that
18:17much or doing these certain things with somebody because you don't get what you need from me
18:20alicia's used the word jealousy when it comes to the sex conversations but it's not i think it's
18:27competition i think that she doesn't want to know how often is a big part of it and how kinky
18:33it is because neither of those things are things she wants to do and she doesn't want to feel like
18:40she has to to keep up with me i had to put in my own boundary my own rule that i don't want to hear
18:46about tyler and taya sex lives it still is really hard for me
18:51how was school today yeah i'm ready to remember you're grounded today so you need to make sure that
19:05you're eating get back downstairs okay i just wanted a few minutes to bond with the kids
19:09i'm upset this is frustrating if i did that to shawnee be pissed
19:13we're heading to the hospital for induction you ready to go yeah
19:19tay and i wanted to have kids for a long time so it doesn't matter to me if i'm any of these kids
19:25biological father we wanted to raise a family and that's what we're doing
19:27are we gonna have enough room over there oh i don't sean and alicia are out grocery shopping and
19:44tyler and i are building the bassinet for the baby i'm glad that you're here
19:49okay step one
19:52assembly the baby cot open two support structures keep the cot stand on the floor
19:57open what i think tay and i are both pretty emotionally driven which means
20:01you know when we're feeling lovey and sweet and nice we're really lovey and sweet and nice
20:05and when we're pissed off at each other we're really pissed off at each other and it just
20:09in terms of love languages we're the more physical touch oriented people
20:12and i think that that continues behind closed doors too or
20:15i'm just waiting to see how far you're gonna go yeah me too
20:23she can't keep your hands off me
20:27list list sean and i are typically the organizers of the house so a lot of those like organizational
20:45household tasks full to us so today we are going grocery shopping apples off the list apples okay fruits
20:53just on the list so we have to wait until all the fruit have been gone i think when we first met
20:57i was very very pleased with what i saw and so it was pleased with what i saw
21:02what the hell am i supposed to say and be honest here
21:05she had a great ass too
21:07what i like most about alicia is that alicia is alicia like she's funny
21:13she's she yeah yeah i said it
21:16does tanya need any snacks for the hospital at all
21:18yes but probably not for your vegetables because she hasn't had junk food for a while so probably not
21:23imagine her like chewing on a carrot stick when she's in labor
21:26no no not so much at least she challenges me and not that tanya doesn't but she challenges me in a
21:33different way sean and i are both type a personalities and honestly our love language is
21:38kind of like picking on each other oh i said salad why didn't you get the salad
21:43you didn't say salad i did say salad i said earlier and cauliflower salad and cauliflower
21:49you're doing great yeah you're doing great i'm making a best in it you're making a baby
21:58one of us has a clearly harder job
22:01tyler very much wears his emotions on his face and sean is they're opposite in that way like
22:09sean shows his affection through the things that he does the way that he steps up like he's much
22:14more rational whereas tyler's like gets wrapped up in the moment kind of thing the balance is like
22:19it's necessary like i can't imagine not having that now
22:22i've got a bassinet we did it now we can have a baby
22:25i don't know about that early on in our relationship we gave priority to our partners
22:32so if one of our spouses didn't want to continue this relationship then
22:39you know if alicia felt she was uncomfortable with tyler and i dating then that would be the
22:44end of tyler and i dating we could actually just stuff some of these if you want all right
22:49yeah i need to learn so show me what's up i don't know this is our first glove diaper baby
22:53it's scary enough opening up to somebody but then knowing there's another moving piece that you have
22:58no control over is really it definitely was part of my hesitation for moving forward this is kid
23:05number five i feel like i should be a pro by now but it's scary every time so different every time
23:10yeah and the birth is especially at my moment it's also scary because it can't go sideways quick
23:15you know it's just a lot when i found out i was pregnant i did not try and go back and find out
23:22what date i got pregnant on you know the guys switch rooms every other night so it literally
23:26could be either of them usually they say you know it's in this range and within that range i was
23:32intimate with both guys look at this this little bed over here i think being human of course i'm
23:38gonna wonder you know whose child is this biologically because i'm curious but i mean i'll be
23:44straight with you tay and i have a lot of sex so if you want to talk statistics there's a good
23:49chance that he could be mine biologically when you buy stir-fried veggies why do you need stir-fried
23:54veggies stir-fried veggies for pork fried rice oh we don't use stir-fried veggies we just use frozen
23:58tyler said the bag says stir-fried veggies on the frozen one no the stir-fried veggies are ones
24:04with like peppers and stuff in them they're just frozen veggies oh that's what tyler said when i put
24:08on the list tyler nine falling in love with sean was really quick sean and i were adults and we know
24:15what we want and so when the feelings came it was really hard to ignore them sean is so similar to me
24:21but he's just so contrasting to tyler tyler he'll do anything that i want if i ask him sean on the
24:28other hand is the exact opposite and so he'll do something for me before i even know that i wanted it
24:34to be done it kind of just blew my mind because i just wasn't used to that type of relationship
24:39dynamic no no two of those no one percent that's two percent these ones here
24:43alicia and i are super similar you know if you just listen to me the first time do we need any
24:50bulk cereal no sauces here we are you're very saucy oh we do need a fly swatter no we don't we do
24:57i think that she's used to tyler backing down on certain things and not really standing up for it
25:02i'm definitely not like that i'm gonna tell you what i feel about it i'm gonna give you my
25:06opinions even if you don't ask for them all right good let me check the list tyler and i are not
25:12similar in that aspect at all we did it good job good job we nailed it i went from having zero
25:17grandchildren having now five there's definitely some envy when i can see chay's family being so
25:24supportive and so open and welcoming everyone's grounded but like when am i supposed to see her
25:30i should be able to talk to my kid our kid
25:32shawn and tyler don't butt heads often but when they do it's usually pretty intense
25:40are you ready for this
25:43i feel like i don't belong here i'm nine months pregnant and we're going out for kind of one last
25:59time with some of our friends to celebrate my mom's gonna be there my grandparents are at home
26:04watching the kids your mom's here hi i was really tempted to be a woo girl but
26:10how did you cannot show your family friends i would myself before i told my mom
26:18when i first came out as polyamorous to my mom she was outright supportive and she had her fair share
26:25of questions and concerns the biggest one being that she didn't want anyone to get hurt but she
26:29showed us support and she was happy to meet tyler and alicia and you know when we told her we wanted
26:36to move in together i think that's when she really realized that this wasn't a phase that this is
26:40something we really wanted to fight for and the more time that she spent with us and got to know
26:44tyler and alicia and could see the love between the four of us i think she realized that this is
26:49something that was going to be forever hi guys when we first came out as polyamorous we definitely
26:55lost family members we lost friends there's a lot of people that just don't get it i don't have a
27:01relationship with my dad and stepmom right now tyler's mom didn't get it at first his dad still
27:06doesn't get it and like sean doesn't have much living family but tayah's uncles are not embracing
27:13that either and then we've had friends too with kids around our kids's age that they just don't
27:19know how to answer those questions if they were to come up and people have definitely taken a big
27:23step back once they found out we were polyamorous taylor alicia sean i know all about you guys
27:33even now it's kind of awkward introducing ourselves to people and it's like every person we meet it's a
27:40new conversation we have to have and a new reaction that's going to come out of it and this is
27:44quentin baby q i've just i've never thought about this lifestyle before and like as a parent you want
27:51your kid to be happy and you want them to be loved and as crazy as this ride has been i can't even
27:59imagine anything different for her you will not do karaoke no i have a fear of like public speaking
28:04when alicia first told you that she was polyamorous what was your reaction uh it was a little bit of a
28:14shock to me uh we were actually at like a mutual friend's wedding and she was like hey we've been
28:19dating this other couple and i'd really like you to meet them and i was like you what the biggest
28:25thing about it is what if it doesn't work out you know they went into it with two kids and
28:29now there's five kids and how that would affect anything if things were to change
28:34i forget a lot i'm super excited
28:47it's not uncommon for us to get you know weird looks if especially if i'm being affectionate and
29:05i'm being affectionate alicia but no one's ever made three comments to me in public that i can
29:09remember it's not often to our face behind our back absolutely how many more days three days away
29:17from induction day i get to be there this time because if they only allow one person in felicia
29:25she gets first oh you guys are out yeah she didn't get to be there last time i got facetime
29:32last time i gotta be in person this time somewhere i will facetime you guys but they are allowing more
29:38than one right we don't know until we get there since we're a non-traditional family i don't know
29:42how the staff is going to treat us we don't know if they're going to take any of our accommodations
29:48into account we don't know if all of us are going to be allowed in the delivery room or if they're
29:53going to treat us all as equal parents like pretty much everything else in our lives we have a plan
29:58for what we think is fair and right and then from there we just let reality take its course
30:01when carver was born because of covid restrictions alicia wasn't able to be there in the delivery
30:06room so our plan this time is that she's the number one choice if they only allow one person
30:12in the delivery room it's going to be alicia and if they allow two then it'll be either sean or myself
30:17depending on whose night it is with teya if it works out that i don't get to be there for his birth
30:21i'm going to be really disappointed i mean that's my son but there's no right answer here we just have
30:26to do the best we can i went from having zero grandchildren having now five
30:31like are you crying because i always cry do you know me you're going to there's definitely some
30:41envy when i can see teya's family being so supportive and so open and welcoming of course
30:47i'm going to be envious because i want my family to to behave the same way i feel bad for people that
30:52don't have this kind of love in their family don't look at me my relationship with my dad is
30:59really strained when he doesn't recognize two of my partners as people that i'm in a relationship with
31:05when they're categorized just as friends and not considered to be family when they move down here to
31:10be with us to start a family with us to grow our family and love and support us and to be told that
31:17he doesn't think that they're family it it makes it really difficult to come together and find that
31:24understanding
31:25is that good
31:39you all done that was quick hop down then
31:46how was school today kid how was school today yeah really exciting happen
31:53nothing or recess how'd that go
31:58recess i played tag and i played the same call
32:01ryan remember you're grounded today so you need to make sure that you're eating and get back down
32:05here okay
32:06ryan is grounded for lying and that was a decision that we have all come up to as an agreement
32:16um there are certain things that we have talked about prior to lying being one of them that's
32:22never going to be an okay thing to do so that is a automatic grounding
32:26i haven't seen any of the kids all day and i just wanted a few minutes to
32:38to bond with the kids i don't like the way sean interrupted our conversation the way he
32:43kind of shut things down between ryan and i
32:45it's been really tough moving from a two-parent household to a four-parent household
32:51it is hard to have someone step into a role that was solely mine for years you know i had a hard
32:57time letting go of half of my vote i guess you would say right like when it was just lisa and i it was
33:02just two of us then we had to take that same power and split it four ways and i really struggled
33:07with that i'm upset this is frustrating
33:11i don't like having tension in the house i'm not gonna go up there and ask if he wants to go
33:20sit in a circle and talk about this i don't know if we're ever gonna be on the same page with this
33:24stuff i'm not angry that he has an issue with it i'm angry that he doesn't know the whole story
33:28i i know how to parent these kids too if we're supposed to be equals like treat me like an equal
33:33it can be a little awkward sometimes when things get tense between us we don't really spend a whole
33:50lot of time just the two of us together i think that sometimes in our relationship you've got to
33:54build up the good memories the good moments to offset those tough times i don't think we always
33:58have enough in our relationship bank account so to speak to offset when we need to make withdrawal
34:02when things are tough so everybody's grounded but like when am i supposed to see her i i just don't
34:10like the way that went i was just trying to talk to her for a minute you know i was in her all the
34:15day and i wanted to spend a couple minutes talking to her and i feel like it cut me off and i don't
34:20know what to do with that well i get that but i mean that's one of the consequences of being grounded
34:24is that you you're grounded and i know that sucks but she has to stay on task and you and her don't
34:30necessarily have a good track record of staying on task when you both start talking to each other
34:34so that's why i've kind of felt like i had to say something but we were off task this time it's so
34:40quick like it wasn't the first time she had been reminded to be on task that was happened to be like
34:45her third time and you just didn't see it because you were at work and so it's like i know you come into
34:50it with a different perspective but sean and tyler don't butt heads often but when they do it's
34:56usually pretty intense i've learned not to dig science because then you get pulled into the
35:02argument you know you want to see her we all want to see her but that's the part that as parents sucks
35:07for us because we have to hold the line so that she understands the consequences if i mean if you think
35:12that i'm not doing my program i'm not falling through the consequences i'd rather you tell me than
35:15do that with with reina you know like tell me afterwards or something so it's but that doesn't
35:20teach reina though i can tell her to go be go back to being grounded you know like no but you didn't
35:25that's that's why i didn't have a chance man it's i i should be able to talk to my kid our kid
35:31when we all decided to parent together and we get into an argument they use that my kids are these
35:44are our kids like it does hurt is that intentional is it on purpose in the moment i don't know
35:49we didn't come into this relationship into this family and try and take over as their parents but
35:55i think it's hard for tyler and alicia to let go of the history that they do have with dylan and reina
35:59even though we've agreed to all parent together when we first started out dylan and reina were i
36:04think four and five and so i had five years of saying my kids but i didn't realize that that
36:09could be such a trigger but what i meant is these are our kids including me and i deserve to say what
36:14happens right but one of them sounds a lot different than the other when you say it especially
36:18when it's heated you know i'm sorry i i know i'm not good at time management but like i need a chance
36:24to get it right yeah and like i said i feel like i gave you that chance that that's why i said
36:29something but i mean i guess it's not my job to micromanage you as well so i mean kyle and i are
36:36different in a lot of ways do i think that we would ever be best friends not right now i don't know
36:43that we'll ever get there our focus isn't on each other our focus is on the kids and our partners
36:47our relationship is always going to come last in any scenario in our house and so i don't think
36:54that we'll ever have the opportunity to get to be best friends
36:58you ready for this it's your turn to shine
37:11so i got this really cool earwax camera that connects to your phone and has like the video
37:26on it and i'm really excited to try it on tyler's ears okay you gotta hold this this is gonna be
37:32gross i can already tell oh it's already gross when you've been married for 12 years and together
37:38for 16 you've seen everything so a little bit of earwax that's nothing in 16 years this is the
37:45first time we've ever video the inside of each of those holes
37:47sorry but you don't let me pick at you yeah it's not my thing you have your boyfriend for that
37:56i know he does he likes getting picked at do you not know that i pick at sean every night that
38:00we're together because he loves to get picked at and i love picking i do not so much i know that's
38:06why this works so i can pick my boyfriend because my husband won't let me speaking of your boyfriend
38:12yeah you know rain is grounded today yeah and uh i was chatting with her at the table and sean
38:19kind of cut us off and was like rain you're grounded you get back to your room
38:22it's just frustrating because you know i don't see them very much on work days yeah and you know i just
38:29wanted to visit yeah so did you say something right then i don't know i was kind of pissed and
38:34i kind of like you didn't feel a little bit tried to cool down and then i went back out and talked to
38:41him about it
38:41how are you feeling after your fiasco with tyler today frustrated angry angry i'm not angry that
38:53he has an issue with it i'm angry that he doesn't know the whole story he wasn't at home so like he
39:00doesn't know that that wasn't the first time and unfortunately when you're grounded it's not just
39:04extra chit chat time it's take care of business and you gotta get back downstairs you know i don't
39:10need to be corrected in the moment of like no do it this way i don't need sean to like parent me or
39:15like yeah to stop me from doing things my way i i know how to parent these kids too like if we're
39:21supposed to be equals like treat me like an equal if i did that to sean i'd be pissed
39:25this is all stuff that we agree on it's not like you're just making up the rules
39:30and doing your own thing i cannot continue to be the bad guy because it's it sucks because he
39:37works so much he comes home he wants to be fun but that's not fair to those of us that
39:42are doing both it was just you and i for so long and it's really freaking hard to transition
39:48yeah to let two more people have that stake i guess yeah it did take me quite a while to kind
39:56of retrain my brain and think of the kids and the parenting as all of our kids and not just tyler's
40:01and mine there would be fights where i would say those are my kids and they would come across as i'm
40:06pulling rank but i struggle more seeing them get disciplined by sean and tayo because i'm a more
40:12lenient parent i would do it differently just because i'm a softie and a people pleaser and i
40:18don't want to upset my kids either so that's where i struggle more i don't like having tension
40:24in the house i'm not gonna go out there and ask if he wants to go sit in a circle and talk about
40:27this you guys pushed alicia and i to work on our relationship and it's your turn you want to see
40:33his crocheting things together and he holding his yarn ball while he's knitting something like i do
40:39what do you want i do want to see that it's not going to happen it doesn't matter what we do we're
40:43different like we were raised differently we're raised in different places we're not going to
40:47probably see eye to eye on a lot of stuff yeah but alicia and i could not be more different
40:52i think that this relationship has proven to us that we're never going to be stagnant so there's
40:57always going to be work to be done i don't think there's any two people that are the glue that holds
41:02the entire relationship together it's a balancing act in between all of the different relationships
41:06we all have to work on it we all have to put in time we're about to have another baby i kind of feel
41:12like we just have to like pretend it didn't happen for now and bottle our emotions up and save it for
41:18later okay not healthy but i don't know what else to do right now as our kids keep getting older and
41:25more complicated this might just get harder that's a real fear shawn and i might just continue to
41:30struggle and i don't know if we're ever going to be on the same page with this stuff we've been
41:35pissed each other before and saved up each other's way kind of hard to do when we all live together but
41:40when it comes to conflict i want to get it all out in the open right then when it's raw
41:52i'm probably the least confrontational i'm struggling but i do want what's best for
41:57and what was best baby quentin you ready to go yeah heading into the induction not knowing
42:03how the induction's gonna go that definitely creates some anxiety ready
42:07we're heading to the hospital for induction and really excited to get things started
42:25hoping for a safe and easy delivery
42:28tyler do you have the car keys
42:32when it comes to conflict i want to get it all out in the open right then when it's raw
42:39let's just talk about now why wait and not everyone else is like that
42:43hi this is mine yes thank you
42:46i'd say between the four of us i'm probably the least confrontational
42:50i'm not good at it i tend to be a little bit avoidant
42:54mostly you're welcome
42:55i'm struggling but i do want what's best for taya and what's best for baby quentin
43:02be good have fun at school
43:05oh i love you
43:10we'll see you in a couple days maybe tomorrow
43:12we're excited the baby's gonna be coming tyler and i will stay here with the kids
43:16still in arena we'll go to school and we will wait for taya's grandma and grandpa to get here
43:21to watch the toddlers so that we can get over to the hospital and join them there
43:25you ready to go yeah all right let's go
43:29hi
43:38hi
43:39i'm excited and nervous to be welcoming baby number five
43:43taya and i wanted to have kids for a long time so it doesn't matter to me if i'm any of these kids
43:48a biological father we wanted to raise the family and that's what we're doing
43:51oh my gosh we're here
43:53what
43:54now i'm getting nervous i don't know why
43:58are you calm
43:59no
43:59why
44:00because we're about 10 baby
44:03it's a little bit nerve-wracking heading into the induction not knowing how the induction's gonna go
44:12so that definitely creates some anxiety going into it
44:16ready
44:20yes
44:21this season on polyfamily
44:32bye dad
44:34yeah
44:35baby
44:37okay
44:38yeah
44:39baby cute
44:40i'm ecstatic not to be pregnant anymore
44:42next i'll get low get baby kisses
44:44one of the perks of polyamory is having two moms
44:48i really want to go see a lactation consultant and see if i can breastfeed too
44:52that is somebody's weird fantasy
44:54so is this tyler's baby or
44:58paternity can be a sensitive subject
45:01sean and tyler haven't been on the best terms lately
45:03so the last thing i want is speculations about the boys biology to drive an even bigger wedge between them
45:09well
45:11i guess we know who the dad is
45:13it didn't even cross our mind
45:16that
45:17what type could indicate paternity
45:19legally
45:21if there were to be a divorce in either marriage
45:24paternity becomes an issue
45:25because
45:26child custody issues come up
45:28i'm the one that doesn't have any rights to the queen
45:30really
45:31is your problem
45:32that scared me like if this ever goes away
45:34biology does trump everything
45:37why do you do what you do to me
45:42my relationship with tay has always been
45:44i'll say intense
45:45everything's changed since i met her
45:48and i would take none of it back
45:50did you guys have fun
45:55it was good
45:56like it was a little intimate
45:58yeah i'm out
45:59that's information that i don't want to know
46:02because i feel like there's an undeniable physical attraction
46:07between them
46:07and it almost looks like they're more in love
46:10than him and i
46:12my family is absolute number one priority to me
46:16but
46:16things change when
46:18there's something very real and tangible in front of you
46:21okay i'm scared to get some names
46:23there definitely is flirtation going on
46:27like that's for sure
46:28did i hide my crush
46:29no
46:30our agreement for years is
46:31that we don't date outside the four of us
46:33do you want to pursue a relationship with her
46:35i don't know
46:35just being polyamorous in the first place
46:37that's uncharted territory
46:38now we're completely off the map
46:40the other one
46:43who's in the first place
46:43yeah
46:44we're so sorry
46:45yeah
46:45or
46:45oh
46:46we're so sorry
46:46okay
46:46we're so sorry
46:47we're so sorry
46:48we're so sorry
46:49what's in the first place
46:51you're so sorry
46:52then we're so sorry