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00:00I'm not really that far, I've been on the crisis, uh-huh, for the last one you see, but as long as you've done this, that's just fine by me, yeah everything's just fine by me, just keep trying.
00:30I'm not really, I won't really三 on me, there is no sign, just keep trying.
00:44So, I'm not really branching, but a roadster starts to flip.
00:48Oh, hello. Come in.
01:11It's just, uh, just preparing.
01:14I was actually just removing the fluff from my socks or the roller because those little
01:27feathers, when I have the feather fight with Dave, they get everywhere, so that's one nice
01:34and tidy. And this one too. As you can see, lots of post-it notes, various things that I've
01:50forgotten. See, look at that bit. A big feather on there.
02:01This was a perfectly good pair of socks. They cut the ends off for the joke, the flip-flop
02:10joke, so it just allows just two toes to protrude. There we are. Let's just pop those on.
02:22There we are. Perfect, you see. And I have to wear them all through the first half for continuity
02:32purposes. There we are. It's just two toes poking up. And I'll pop on my lucky diamond necklace.
02:48As you can see, it's two H's picked out in diamonds that was given to me by, as a leaving present
02:58by, um, ITV. No, it wasn't really. Not really, not. I dropped it.
03:06Um, I think that's... I think that's bad luck, isn't it, when I haven't seen you drop a necklace backstage.
03:14Um, no, I bought them, in fact. And they're not real diamonds, if anyone's thinking of, um, breaking in.
03:22Also, I don't leave any cash backstage. Nothing. Uh, nothing of any value, if you're thinking of breaking in.
03:32Um, so I've got a few things here. There's the, uh, Bradley Wiggins sideburns. Say hello.
03:45Hello. I'm Bradley Wiggins sideburn there. And not until the second half, so I just relax on the mirror.
03:53I just relax on the mirror until it's my turn. All right, that's terrible, isn't it?
04:00And that's pretty much how I prepare, um, go through all the different things.
04:06Obviously, I have a number of suits. I have a dry suit, which is the one I wear for the first half.
04:13Um, and then I have about three wetsuits, which, and one's drying different. There's a pair of pants that are drying out from last night.
04:27Um, there's the wiggins t-shirt. All this stuff's here, obviously, and, uh, it's very important.
04:40Uh, props. Although I do think having a, it's not a great impression of Bradley Wiggins, like right now.
04:50I mean, to be honest, having a shirt with wiggins on, kind of, is a bit of a cop-out.
04:57I think that's a sign when it's not a very good impression, when you have to wear a t-shirt with the name of the person you're impersonating on.
05:03Yeah. But it'll be, uh...
05:06We've gradually developed it, you know. I was never really happy about the opening of the second half, to be honest.
05:13But, um, just about get away with it, I think.
05:20And I'm sure the woman with the ice cream...
05:23I'm sure as soon as I mention her name in the second half, she thinks,
05:27Oh, no, not me again. Pick on someone else.
05:30So let's, uh...
05:33This is the stuff I put inside the lid of the, um...
05:37Of the suitcase. The lines.
05:40It's usually the things I've forgotten the night before.
05:42So I just pop those out there now.
05:47Would you like to follow me?
06:03Yeah.
06:07Here we are.
06:22So that music playing, that's my...
06:24The tape I make up.
06:27One of my favourite songs to get the crowd going.
06:32Now we are all set.
06:37I get there.
06:42Laydened up with the belt, with Gary's belt.
06:48Yes, the phone's working.
06:49Complementary programmes for the...
06:52The two people who fight.
06:55Yes.
06:57We're all ready.
06:59Well, I'm Dave. I'm getting ready for the show.
07:02I'm hardly in the first half.
07:03You only really see my legs in the first half.
07:07Um, because I just go on wearing an ice cream costume...
07:10Excuse me, just before the interview.
07:13Um, and then do a lot more in the second half.
07:16And, uh...
07:17I always like to watch the start of the show.
07:22Because I love watching Harry's entrance.
07:25And, um, and all the stuff he does.
07:27This is some of my costumes drawing on the radiator from last night.
07:30So I'm sort of being quite quick in the hope that I'll be able to go in and watch from the side of the stage.
07:38And, uh...
07:41I'm about to put my tights on.
07:45Um...
07:49This is the...
07:51I think it's the third or fourth tour I've done.
07:54And, uh, it's just fantastic fun.
07:57I normally do stand-up comedy.
07:59On the comedy circuit in Britain and all over the world.
08:03Um, but this is great because it's a sort of a show and it's an ensemble piece of work.
08:08And...
08:10Harry's, uh, just a great bloke to work for.
08:13He's, um...
08:14Always...
08:16Nice and considerate and pleasant and good-humoured.
08:20And, um...
08:22It's good money.
08:24And...
08:26Creatively fulfilling.
08:28You get treated very well.
08:29Just trying to find my tights.
08:31Here they are.
08:33It's sort of nicer than driving around on your own to stand-up comedy venues.
08:38Around the place.
08:39What I love about Harry, because I've, um...
08:45I've met and worked with quite a few people who've achieved sort of big fame and stardom.
08:51And, uh, often, I think, with art and especially with comedy,
08:56the more talented the person, the more, sort of, difficult they can be to deal with.
09:02But, um, Harry just diverts all his madness into his performance.
09:07His writing and his performing.
09:10And as a person to deal with, he's just a fantastic guy.
09:14Really reasonable.
09:16And his offstage personality is very different from his onstage personality.
09:23But he's very, uh, he's very dry and extremely witty.
09:27And has us all in stitches with his little remarks and asides.
09:32So, uh, I feel very lucky, really.
09:37I've known him for over 20 years.
09:40He was a stand-up on the circuit just like me when he started.
09:44But he, uh, rapidly became a TV star.
09:48It's getting these tights on. They're actually not really big enough.
09:55So I have to get the belt from my jeans to hold them up.
09:59Because I've got quite long legs.
10:01Hello? Yes, okay. Yes, we'll be going on in a minute.
10:08Okay, darling. Yes, I'll see you later.
10:09Alright, darling. Bye.
10:10Alright, darling. Bye.
10:26Good job, dear sir.
10:28They've got all the props back here.
10:31They're a bit slow getting in, aren't they?
10:33Yes, they are. But they always are, I think.
10:36But they will get a bit on time.
10:37Are they always?
10:39Yeah, yeah, they're always very good.
10:41Oh, it's Gary, look.
10:42Hello.
10:45Gary, what are you playing at?
10:47Hello. Oh, sorry.
10:49I didn't realise the show in there.
10:50I'm completely naked.
10:51I haven't got any clothes on.
10:53I was just getting changed.
10:55Excuse me a moment.
10:59Oh, he's still there.
11:03Gary, get back in there.
11:04That's it, put that on.
11:06Just keeps him calm.
11:08Otherwise he tends to get rather agitated.
11:11I now have to slightly adjust the trousers
11:14because this pair of trousers Harry pulls off me
11:18and I repaired them yesterday,
11:20but I actually repaired them a bit too well
11:23and he had a bit of problem tugging them off me,
11:25so I'm going to just make them slightly less secure
11:31so he can pull them off me more easily.
11:34Well, I think I just did it there in that one little tug.
11:38I always do a warm-up before I get ready to go on.
11:47It just stops me from straining anything.
11:50It's just a pair of standard Converse All-Stars.
11:51I'll be wearing these in the second half in my role as the assassin,
12:05which is my favourite part, really,
12:10because I appear as a human.
12:11I don't know where he is. He's gone.
12:29Oh, this is... I always find this so exciting.
12:44There's about 1,700 people on the other side,
12:48all waiting for the show.
12:50This is the stage.
12:53Hi, Harry.
12:55Have a good one. Break a leg.
12:57Break a leg.
12:59What are you doing here, Dave?
13:01You should be in the audience getting ready to...
13:04Not only in the second half, not in the first half.
13:07Yeah.
13:09I thought it would be really funny if you'd say,
13:11who are you? Security.
13:13Told me to piss off.
13:16How are you feeling, Dave?
13:17Yeah, I'm feeling very excited.
13:19I'm looking forward to seeing you going on and doing your stuff.
13:24Doing the workout.
13:25Looking forward to a break, aren't you?
13:29Well, I love it.
13:31I love the hotel room at the moment.
13:34It's so nice to tell that one, isn't it?
13:37Yes, it's brilliant.
13:39I hope you remember to do the calm down.
13:42Say calm down to the girl when you...
13:44Calm down, all right, calm down, yeah.
13:46Dave always gives me notes.
13:48I give notes.
13:49Every night.
13:50They're always very useful, actually, Dave.
13:51I never told you that before, but they are.
13:53Oh, thank you very much.
13:54It's very moving.
13:56I always try.
13:57There's a blondie, anyway, I've checked.
13:58Oh, is there? Oh, good.
14:00Yeah.
14:02What's a picture?
14:04What's a photograph?
14:06Right.
14:08Dead man walking.
14:10It's very nearly sausage time.
14:25Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Salford.
14:39It's very nearly sausage time.
14:42But please do not attempt to eat the sausage, as it is for promotional purposes only, and
14:47may contain tiny quantities of horse.
14:50But now, please welcome the first of your two chauvels for this evening.
14:54Ladies and gentlemen, from London, it's the Caterers!
15:08And at the end of the corridor outside, there's frosted glass in the emergency doors going
15:15out onto the street, and you can see the shapes, the silhouettes of fans waiting around, in
15:22the hope of a signed photo, or him signing photos that they've got, but as often as
15:31not, they're actually, they haven't bought tickets to the show, they're sort of people
15:35who've just got loads and loads of photos, and they ask them to sign about eight photos.
15:39Yeah.
15:40And the books.
15:41And, yeah, and you know that some of those are going on eBay.
15:43Yeah.
15:44You do see, occasionally, you do see the same fan turn up at another event, don't you?
15:46Yeah.
15:47You see the same one.
15:48But he always signs them.
15:49He's always got time for them.
15:50Yeah.
15:51Which is amazing, really.
15:52Yeah.
15:53Yeah.
15:54Yeah!
15:55Yeah!
15:56Yeah!
15:57Yeah!
15:58Wow!
15:59Ha ha!
16:00Oh, by the way, Kev, am I going to get any use of this plug point tonight, or is it going
16:15to be you all the time?
16:16Well, you know that most times we have to share things anyway, so it's my turn with the plug.
16:21Well, I thought it was my turn.
16:23Oh, I did.
16:24Ha ha!
16:25Do me yabba-dabba, do me yabba-dabba, top, top, top, sing, sing, sing, oh, so.
16:31Woo!
16:32Here's the caterers, ladies and gentlemen, there they are.
16:38And, er, I'm looking forward to watching the opening bit.
16:42I love the opening bit, when he does all his, like, a G6, and shine bright like a diamond.
16:47Shine bright like a diamond!
16:49Shine bright like a diamond!
16:50Shine bright like a diamond!
16:51Shine bright like a diamond!
16:52And so he goes on.
16:53Well, hey!
16:54Dave's in the bit of the first half, and I'm in, I don't come in until the second half.
16:59I'm playing Gary, who's, er, the Ventura Castile.
17:04Yeah.
17:05And I do a tap dance, and...
17:09And you also come on as yourself, and you sing a song.
17:11And I come on at the finale, with a nice checkered suit.
17:15It's all been made for me.
17:17Nice job.
17:18Yeah.
17:19By Harry's personal tailor.
17:20And we do a, and I do a little song, which goes down well.
17:24Yeah.
17:25And I, um, just go on briefly as an ice cream in the first half, which I did, I think, two tours ago as well, but with a different ice cream costume.
17:34And I, you ease my heart!
17:36For the sight of me of the heart of humans of the fury, to torment my soul.
17:41And, till I put out there a cursed line, and leave from one eye, a living hell!
17:47Well, I made my shoes as well.
17:51It really was.
17:52I was quite anxious, and...
17:54Oh!
17:55Yes, I've got you.
17:56Thank you, I've got you.
17:58Yes, well...
17:59That's, er...
18:00That is a signal to me that it's very nearly interval time.
18:04We all like ice creams, don't we?
18:07Er...
18:08And in the second half, there will be some Shakespeare.
18:10Um, we do need someone.
18:12We'll be doing some Shakespeare on the stage.
18:13We need someone intelligent looking to, er, to do some Shakespeare.
18:16Putting it in its bag now.
18:18And, er...
18:19Going to another theatre, next.
18:21And in the second half, we will be having some Shakespeare in the second half.
18:25Er...
18:26If you might need someone, don't be such a person to, er, to help us out.
18:29Er...
18:32We will now head into an approximately one month!
18:35Er...
18:36And we will see you, after the break!
18:37Er...
18:38Yeah.
18:39Yeah.
18:40Yeah.
18:41Cheers much.
18:42I'll take that.
18:43Yeah.
18:44Go on, Liam.
18:45Come on, Liam.
18:46Come on, Liam.
18:47Come on, Liam.
18:48Come on, Liam.
18:49Come on, Liam.
18:50Come on, Liam.
18:51Come on, Liam.
18:52Come on.
18:53Come on, Liam.
18:54Come on, Liam.
18:57Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
18:58Um, we will now, please, well, have a very special guest for this evening.
19:02He is the Tour de France and Olympic champion.
19:05He is, of course, none other than Sir Bradley Wiggins. Thank you.
19:24And then I go on as the assassin from Dignitas and try to kill...
19:31...try to kill Harry.
19:33Dad!
19:35Dad!
19:39Well...
19:41Really good.
19:43Show him the appreciation you showed us when we came on as we welcomed my son.
19:47I put on my first marriage.
19:49Gary, come on out, Gary.
19:51Oh, Gary!
19:53Oh!
19:57Stand up straight, Gary!
19:59What are you doing, Gary?
20:03Stand up straight, Gary.
20:12Take it again, Gary.
20:15Will you try it?
20:18I don't want to take a comedian.
20:20I don't want to take a comedian, Gary.
20:22Oh...
20:42I'm going to do some of my jokes.
20:43Are you Gary?
20:44Yes, I'm going to do some of my jokes.
20:45Off you go, then.
20:47Na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
20:49Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
20:52Yes, and there was grit in the cucumber.
21:22It's time for Gary Day, ladies and gentlemen, that's what they do!
21:26Tell me bye, everyone! Tell me bye!
21:29Let's go!
21:31What's that, Sam?
21:36You want to bring your son?
21:38I don't think so, I think we should find our son.
21:49Help! Help, Gary!
21:52This way.
21:55This way.
21:57I don't want to be a dog!
22:02I don't want to be a dog!
22:04I don't want to be a dog!
22:05You're right, can't you mate?
22:06OK, I'm right.
22:08This way.
22:10When the devil is high
22:15You're a deep rage, I'm your woman
22:20Oh, shiny boy
22:24And I have no idea how yet
22:27I will be a dog
22:29I'm your baby
22:32How about that?
22:37I don't have a dog
22:42I don't know how you do that
22:46I don't know how you do that
22:48I don't know how you do that
22:51Ladies and gentlemen, you hear that, darling, you know you!
22:56Fire up!
22:58You know me.
23:04And that's it.
23:05By the way, this is...
23:07Bad neighbour!
23:11You're a bad neighbour!
23:15You're a bad neighbour!
23:17You're a bad neighbour!
23:19You're a bad neighbour!
23:21You're a bad neighbour!
23:23Broken Britain, you've ruined it for all of this!
23:26The bottom of my heart...
23:34Hello?
23:35Oh, it's the hospital.
23:36What?
23:37The old lady's leg is better, won't need to be amputated.
23:39What?
23:40The baby's off the ventilator and breathing on its own.
23:42What?
23:43Even the mouse has come back to life.
23:46Everything's gonna be fine.
23:47All my heart...
23:50All my heart...
23:52All my heart...
23:57All my heart...
23:58And love...
23:59All my heart...
24:00..or my heart...
24:22Cheers, Dad.
24:24Bit of red.
24:26Hold on, Dad. Great fight tonight.
24:28Yeah, yes, really. Good fun.
24:33Cheers.
24:38Cheers.
24:45Oh, no, no, no.
24:47Oh, no, no, no.
24:52Oh, no, no, no.
24:57Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
25:00Don't ask for a while if you spit on Sasha.
25:11If you want to...
25:14Let's find out.
25:16Just bring it up.
25:19It's Steve Harry from earlier.
25:25Why can't you do something to help me for a change?
25:27Go and get the other one.
25:28They've ruined it.
25:29Look at this. It's broken.
25:30It's broken to that.
25:33Give me that.
25:35It's the naughty step for you tonight.
25:37Oh, my God.
25:38Oh, my God.
25:39Oh, my God.
25:40Well, let's try it.
25:41And it's like I'm smiling.
25:42Just try and try.
25:45Try and try.
25:50So, you're a lady, you'll find surprising.
25:54How inspiring.
25:55How inspiring is to see you shining
26:01Cause in the dark of night you're all I can see
26:05You sure look like a star to me
26:25I'm so excited
26:28And you want to sing these songs
26:30From the first half, you're Chopin
26:34The Keterers, come on up guys
26:37Get on one
26:39It's sausage time
26:41And in the sea
26:47It's a tradition of time
26:51Walk upon heaven's mountains
26:56And once a holy Lamb of God
27:04On England present heart gets you
27:10It's the second coming of the subject
27:13From men for sight
27:17Nor shall thy sword see
27:20It's the second coming of the night
27:23Till we have built Jerusalem
27:29On England's freedom present
27:34Let's open us
27:39Sorkin, respect and view
27:43instal Hero
27:49Vinique
27:52In the sea
27:53dominique
27:54Parallel
27:55Hopefully
27:56Go,етров
27:58To, uh Ryu
28:00All right, this is James.
28:15Hello, James.
28:16Ah!
28:17How's it going?
28:19How's it going?
28:20How's it going?
28:21How's it going?
28:22You all right?
28:25What's the flap for?
28:53What's the flap for?
28:54Where's the sausage?
28:56What's the flap for?
28:58Where's the sausage?
28:59These are things that we've had shouted at us.
29:00Where's the stufa?
29:01Where's the knitted character?
29:02Where'd you get your shoes from?
29:03Where's your socks?
29:04Where's the badgers?
29:05Where'd you get your socks from?
29:06Why are we here?
29:07Where'd you get your collars?
29:09Hi, Steve.
29:10Come on in.
29:11We're recording boring DVD extras.
29:13Gordon needs costumes, so it's time to wrap it.
29:16Oh, OK.
29:17I'm going to go.
29:18Mark, find the better, please.
29:19I very much hope that that fulfills the contractual requirement we have for DVD extras.
29:23Good night.
29:24Hello.
29:25Hi.
29:26Yeah, well, fine, thanks.
29:27No, so we just had to do a...
29:28We're doing a DVD extra in here.
29:29Well, we're filming a DVD extra, but we would like to come to the pub.
29:42Oh.
29:43God.
29:44I'll go for it now.
29:46He was home.
29:47I hope he filled up the pub.
29:48I want him to go to the pub.
29:49I want him to go, Harry.
29:50Yeah, your boy.
29:51It's not going to look.
29:52How's thatå‘¢?
29:53He's been here.
29:54I really don't want him to go to the pub.
29:55You