TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | Episode aired 4 December 1963
After feeling like a wallflower at one of Patty's parties, Cathy asks a newspaper columnist how she can be more popular. Cathy tries hard, but the results are not what she expects.
Director: William Asher
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
After feeling like a wallflower at one of Patty's parties, Cathy asks a newspaper columnist how she can be more popular. Cathy tries hard, but the results are not what she expects.
Director: William Asher
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Go, Patty! Blast off!
00:02Yeah!
00:31Hello.
00:34Hey, chick, let's swing.
00:46What's the matter?
00:48Cat hasn't danced once all night.
00:50Maybe she's anti-boy.
00:52No red-blooded girl's anti-boy.
00:56I'm really looking forward to the concert tonight.
00:59Yeah, neither am I.
01:01Why can't we stay home tonight? It's our house.
01:03Because Patty's entertaining and she doesn't want the Flintstones around.
01:06Maybe we could get a visitor's permit.
01:08Fine, then we could do that then.
01:17Let's go.
01:29Mary couldn't make it tonight, but I'm used to this.
01:31I always wind up with a dog.
01:38Would you care for some punch?
01:40Hey, Patty's the real Lady One, isn't she?
01:43Lady One?
01:44Morrisville, the bigger.
01:46You're Patty's cousin from Cubesville, aren't you?
01:48No, I'm visiting here from Europe.
01:50Funny.
01:51Would you like to do the hammer?
01:53Do you mean dance?
01:54Do I look like a carpenter?
01:56They do dance in Europe, don't they?
01:59Of course.
02:00But I'm not used to this music yet.
02:03Perhaps they'll play a waltz.
02:05Boy, you're older than you look.
02:08Come on, Chick, let's swing.
02:11Hello, Kathy.
02:12Would you like to dance?
02:14No, thank you, Craig.
02:15Excuse me.
02:16I'd better get some more sandwiches.
02:21I think she needs to be shot into orbit.
02:25Save my place.
02:26I've been robbed.
02:38Hello, Tiger.
02:42Well, at least you love me.
02:46Henry, you just don't understand Kathy.
02:49What's to understand? She's musty.
02:51She's a brain.
02:52I'll clue you.
02:53Who needs a girl who's best from the neck up?
02:56Kathy's not just an ordinary girl.
02:58She's traveled all around the world.
03:00Her father's a foreign correspondent.
03:02And the only reason she's living with us now
03:04is because he wants her to finish her school here.
03:06Kathy's a genius.
03:07Why, if she wanted to swing out,
03:09she could be a great scientist, a brain surgeon, a lawyer.
03:12Or a spy for the FBI.
03:14I'm not asking you to marry her.
03:16I just want you to pay some attention to her.
03:18What about a philanthropist?
03:19Get someone else to water your wallflowers.
03:27Kath?
03:28Henry's just dying to dance with you.
03:30Yeah.
03:31I'm terribly sorry.
03:33I've just got this sudden headache and I'm going to bed.
03:36But it's chow time.
03:37I'm not very hungry.
03:39I am. Let's eat.
03:46Meet Kathy who's lived most everywhere
03:50From Zanzibar to Barclays Square
03:54But Kathy's only seen the sights a girl can see
04:13Kathy, the daughters of the Indian U.S.
04:16The ballet Bruce and country Suzette
04:24Oh, I can't get a kiss
04:27Kathy, the daughters of the Indian U.S.
04:30The ballet Bruce and country Suzette
04:33They laugh at me
04:34Oh, I can't get a kiss
04:36Kathy, the daughters of the Indian U.S.
04:39The ballet Bruce and country Suzette
04:41Oh, I can't get a kiss
04:53Kathy, the daughters of the Indian U.S.
04:56The ballet Bruce and country Suzette
05:01Get someone else to water your wallflowers
05:16Hi, Kathy. Can you have chow with me?
05:18And then we'll cut it and cool it and make the big scene
05:20Later, poundcake. I'm going to dig Kathy
05:22She's Lady One, Wilesville
05:24Kathy, I've got too far of a seat for the latest hit play
05:26Excuse me, Patty. I'm going to try and get a date with Kathy
05:29I'll bet she's the most popular girl in the whole world
05:32I'll break my date with Patty and take you bowling
05:35You promised to have dinner with me
05:37Please don't fight over me
05:39It's too embarrassing
05:41I'm afraid I'm all booked up
05:43The only night I have open is New Year's Eve, 1973
05:47You don't have to go bowling
05:48Frankie Avalon opens tonight and I've got a buddy who can get us in
05:51I'm terribly sorry, Richard. I have an engagement for this evening
05:56That must be he
05:59Ta-ta
06:06I'm ready, poundcake
06:08Kathy, you're the dreamers
06:11It's Frankie Avalon
06:13A Venus de Milo with arms
06:17Down, beasts
06:19Another time, perhaps
06:21Bye
06:23Bye
06:31Bye
06:41How was the party last night?
06:42A swinger. You should have seen Tiger dance the hammer
06:45That's a sight I could do without
06:47Did you enjoy the party, Kathy?
06:49Oh, yes, Aunt Natalie
06:51Boy, you sure go with a bunch of loudmouths
06:53I couldn't sleep
06:54I know. You were too busy sneaking downstairs
06:57It's my house, too. I got a problem
07:09Did you like the little joke in my editorial?
07:11I'm not reading your editorial
07:14That figures
07:17May I ask what you do find so amusing?
07:20Aunt Jane, listen to this
07:22Dear Aunt Jane, my boyfriend is a musician, but he's very shy
07:27How do I get him to kiss me?
07:29Here's her answer
07:30Pretend you're a saxophone
07:33Who's Aunt Jane?
07:34She writes a know-how column for tight pants and sweets
07:37What?
07:39He's and hers
07:40If you're not making it with your jack-o'-lantern, you gotta, like, swing with the Aunt Jane scene
07:44You dig?
07:45I'm sorry
07:46She tries to help teenagers, Kathy
07:48Actually, she gives pretty good advice
07:50Her jokes are pretty bad
07:52Of course, what really bothers me is that Patty laughs at them
08:03Dear Aunt Jane, I sincerely hope you can help me with my problem
08:10I would like to change my image
08:18I am a terrible wall flopper
08:27Boy, I've had wardens in my time, but old man Millhouse is a monster's monster
08:32Boy, he's an excellent teacher
08:34I believe
08:35Just what we need, an excellent teacher
08:37I bet he gave us that extra Latin homework just so we'd miss the basketball game
08:41With a teacher like him, you don't have to bother studying
08:43Already?
08:44Well, we were
08:45In the kitchen
08:46At least we can keep our strength up
08:49Come on, Kat
08:52I'll be along in a minute
08:53Okay, later
09:08You Can Be Popular by Aunt Jane
09:26Anyone can be popular, but there are certain rules that you must follow
09:30Are you willing to do this?
09:33Oh, yes
09:35There are a few simple tricks that will help you
09:38For instance, when you are with your date and you find yourself tongue-tied, smile
09:46Wider
09:49Rule 1
09:51Popular people are generous people
09:54They give of themselves
09:56Offer to help your friend
10:00Yes, I'll do it right away
10:05You're a smart boy
10:16Latin
10:17Why couldn't the Romans have spoken English like everybody else?
10:20If they did, we could be at the basketball game right now
10:23Yeah
10:25I finished my Latin thesis
10:28If any of you are having any trouble with yours, I'd be delighted to help you
10:33She's pure mind
10:35She gets an A-plus in Latin
10:37You sure you don't mind?
10:51Rule 1
10:52Offer to help your friends
10:56Now that you have conquered Rule 1, we can move on to Rule 2
11:03You have proved you are generous and it worked out fine, didn't it?
11:08It certainly helped my life
11:11Rule 2 is
11:13Always be honest and frank
11:17Your personality will become a magnet that attracts weaker people to you
11:22The only way to help people is to tell them the truth
11:27Remember, no one respects a dishrag
11:32That's it
11:34I've been a dishrag
11:42Hi, Dad
11:43Hello, Uncle Martin
11:45A letter from father
11:46Oh, really?
11:47Mm-hmm
11:48He's in Paris
11:49I'm home
11:50Hello, Aunt Natalie
11:51Hi, Kathy
11:52Patty
11:53Hi, Mom
11:56I was worried about you
11:57The gridiron dinner starts at 7 o'clock
11:59I'm sorry I'm late
12:00I stopped to pick up my new dress
12:02How do you like it?
12:04Very smart
12:06Sleeky
12:10It's very...
12:15Aunt Natalie
12:17Would you like me to be honest?
12:19Certainly, Kathy
12:23I feel it makes you look a bit heavy
12:26Heavy?
12:29Well, it's important to be honest and frank
12:32It's the only way to be helpful
12:34Of course
12:36The color is wrong, too
12:38It's too young for you
12:44Thank you for your honest and frank opinion
12:46If you'll excuse me, I'll go change into something thinner and older
12:49Oh, now, honey, don't get your feelings hurt
12:52It does make you look a little hippie
12:54I think Kathy was right to be frank
12:56Nobody likes a dishrag
12:57That's right
12:58Is it?
12:59Then you might take off the one you're wearing around your neck
13:03This?
13:04You love me in bow ties
13:05That was 20 years ago
13:06Your neck was thinner
13:07It makes you look like Joe Collins
13:10Why didn't you tell me this before?
13:11You never asked me before
13:13Well, Natalie, I...
13:14Don't start an argument
13:15As long as it's truth day, young lady
13:18I'd like to tell you about your irritating habit of constantly interrupting
13:22I was only trying to...
13:23In fact, your manners in general could stand a great deal of improvement
13:28Excuse me
13:31Yeah, excuse me
13:34You're too shaggy
13:37Excuse me
13:44I only followed rule two
13:47By now, you should be making definite progress on the road to popularity
13:53What did I go wrong?
13:58To have people interested in you, you must be interested in them
14:03I am
14:06And you must let them know it
14:08Ask questions
14:10Nothing is more important than the truth
14:13Ask questions
14:15Nothing flatters a person more than to be asked about himself
14:20The more you want to know about them, the more interested they know you are
14:24Rule three
14:26Be interested
14:28Ask questions
14:40Hello, Craig
14:41Hello, Kathy
14:42Is Patty home?
14:43No, she isn't
14:44Can I help you?
14:45I just wanted to return her math book
14:47Oh, I'll give it to her for you
14:49Okay, thank you
14:58I never did thank you for helping me with my Latin
15:00That's all right
15:02It was really nice of you
15:04Well, I mean, you don't find many girls who go out of their way to help you with your Latin
15:08I was glad to do it
15:11You're a very unusual girl, Kathy
15:14Am I?
15:16Maybe it's because you were brought up in Europe
15:19But you're awfully continental
15:21In a nice way, I mean
15:23And you're very honest
15:25Rule two
15:26What?
15:28I make it a rule two
15:30Oh, oh
15:34I mean, nobody likes a dish rat
15:38I never thought of it like that
15:40You're very interesting
15:42I'm usually pretty shy around girls
15:44But you're very easy to talk to
15:46So are you
15:48I'm usually shy around boys
15:50You? Oh, you're kidding me
15:52You've probably dated a lot of older men
15:54Europeans
15:56I'll bet they're different, aren't they?
15:59They've had more experience
16:01But they've been at it longer
16:03Yeah
16:10I guess you must find us pretty boring
16:13I mean, it must be hard for a beautiful genius like you to find someone interesting to talk to
16:18Thank you
16:19It's not that hard
16:21For example
16:23I find you very interesting
16:25You do?
16:26Definitely
16:27I think you're very unusual
16:29I suppose I am
16:30Well, I dream a lot
16:32I mean, I have plans
16:33I know what I want to do with my future
16:35I feel you have to know what you want to be
16:37And plan for it
16:38And work for it
16:40You're certainly an admirable attitude
16:42What are you going to be, Craig?
16:43Either a movie star or a dentist
16:47That's wonderful
16:49Well, I've sure enjoyed talking to you
16:51Bye
16:52Bye
16:54Rule three
16:55Be interested
16:56Ask questions
16:59Craig!
17:00Yes?
17:03Where were you born?
17:05Where was I born?
17:06Yes
17:08Omaha
17:09Isn't that exciting?
17:11You must be thinking of some other Omaha
17:13Tell me about your family
17:15What do you want to know?
17:17Everything, Craig Whitlaw
17:19Whitlaw's a very unusual name
17:22You know something
17:24What?
17:25You have a reason for asking all these questions, don't you?
17:28Someone told you to
17:30Well, in a way, yes
17:31I knew it
17:32I knew we'd never live it down
17:34Okay
17:35My Uncle Harvey's a bigamist
17:36That's why we changed our name in love to Omaha
17:39But it's no use
17:40No matter where we go
17:41There'll always be some snook
17:43Digging up our family skeleton
17:50Be interested
17:52Ask questions
17:56Cass?
18:02Cass?
18:04Don't you want any dinner?
18:07What's the thorn?
18:09Me, in everyone's side
18:13I'm going to be the youngest old maid in America
18:16Holy moly
18:18You can be popular
18:20No, I can't
18:21Even Aunt Jane couldn't help me
18:23Only three lessons and everybody hates me
18:26Some people are just meant to be wallflowers
18:30Perhaps I'll be a lighthouse keeper
18:33You're no wallflower
18:34Well, you're the smartest girl I know
18:36That's not what counts
18:38Not with boys
18:39And boys are what count
18:41You're smarter than I thought
18:43But you can't be a wheel by reading a rule book
18:46That's fakie
18:48If you want the monster to dig you
18:50You have to light your own scene
18:52Don't be dual
18:53Dual?
18:54Don't you speak any English
18:56Be yourself
18:58When I'm myself, I'm by myself
19:00You have to work with what you've got
19:02What have I got?
19:04That's what we're going to find out
19:06It should be easy
19:07You've traveled all over the world
19:09I could talk about the Louvre or La Scala
19:13That's how you wind up being babysitter to a lighthouse
19:17It's no use
19:19Dancing's always a good gimmick
19:21I mean, you start out with a boy's arms around you
19:24I can waltz
19:25Marvy
19:27Is that the only dance you know?
19:29I don't know any of the latest dances
19:30Except for some Zambezi tribal dances
19:32Father took me to in Africa
19:34They were quite interesting
19:36Great, I've got a Zambezi tribal dancer on my hands
19:39Of course, I don't have the dawn beat
19:41But the rhythm goes like this
19:45Here, Marvy
19:49Well, Zambezi people are river people
19:52And they start by pulling in their boat
19:57And then they inspect the nets
20:01Cuckoo
20:03Isn't that wild?
20:06And then they push the boat to the river
20:27Something she picked up in Africa
20:29A safari
20:30Crazy
20:32And then, with their nets full
20:35They go home
20:41Kathy, show me this part again
20:44Oh, well, that's pushing the
20:45No, show me this one
20:47Now, let me see
20:48How about this part?
20:49Pushing the boat and then rowing
20:51No, how about this one, Kathy? Show me
20:52Why don't we all learn it together?
20:54Let's start
20:55Pushing
20:57It's an authentic African tribal dance
20:59Yeah?
21:02And then
21:03Boy, I really dig that exotic bit
21:05Let's try it
21:07No, no, I've got to get some pointers from Kathy
21:26Hello, Uncle Martin
21:28Hello, Kathy
21:29I'm sorry I'm late
21:31Craig and I stopped at the library
21:33You've had half a dozen phone calls
21:35The messages are on the table
21:36Thank you
21:38That is a lovely dress on, Natalie
21:40This old thing, why it's five years old
21:42It's very becoming
21:43It makes you look so slim
21:45Thank you
21:46I don't know how long this new phase
21:48Is going to last, but I like it
21:50I read your editorial today, Uncle Martin
21:52It was brilliant
21:53Let's not overdo it
21:55I'll get it done, Natalie
22:01Hello
22:05I told you not to call me
22:07We have to be careful
22:10I can't talk now
22:13Please, don't you understand?
22:15I can't talk now
22:18If you don't mind, I think I'll split
22:19Suddenly I have this terrible headache
22:21I think I'll get in the rack
22:23Say hello for me to whoever it is
22:27She's gone, Richard, I can talk now
22:29Oh, no
22:31Tomorrow?
22:33Certainly
22:35I'll meet you after biology class
22:37At the gym
22:40Oh, you'd better make it around back
22:42So she won't know
22:44Fine
22:46I'll see you tomorrow
22:47Fine
22:49Good night
22:52You're seeing Richard?
22:54I was trying to think of a way
22:56To repay Patty for being so wonderful to me
22:58So Richard and I are planning
23:00A surprise party for her
23:02Won't you be thrilled?
23:04I know I am
23:09Dear Aunt Jane
23:11I have this terrible problem
23:13My cousin
23:15Is a rat
23:25She's been trying
23:29To steal this beast
23:34I've been going with
23:38And I want you
23:41To help me
23:45Here's Kathy
23:47Who's lived most everywhere
23:49From Zanzibar
23:51To Barkley Square
23:53But Patty's only seen
23:55The sights a girl can see
23:57From Brooklyn Heights
23:59What a crazy pair
24:01But their cousin
24:03Is a rat
24:05She's been trying
24:07To steal this beast
24:09I've been going with
24:11And I want you
24:12To help me
24:14Here's Kathy
24:16Who's lived most everywhere
24:18From Zanzibar
24:20To Barkley Square
24:22But their cousin
24:24Identical cousins
24:26And you'll find
24:28They laugh alike
24:30They walk alike
24:32At times they even talk alike
24:34You can lose your mind
24:36When cousins
24:38Are two of a kind