• 5 years ago
TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | Episode aired 16 December 1964

While Cathy is considered the front runner for student of the year, Patty, acting on the advice of her father, decides to take on more responsibilities at school. Her actions increase her chances at becoming student of the year.

Director: Claudio Guzmán

Writers: Andy White, Sidney Sheldon, William Asher

Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Transcript
00:00And this, and this.
00:05Hello, Aunt Natalie, Ross.
00:06Hello, Kathy.
00:07What's going on?
00:08Oh, it's another lane landslide.
00:10Everything comes downstairs, but nothing goes back up.
00:13Why am I stuck with it?
00:14Ross, you have got to learn to take things back up to your room, dear.
00:17You make us all look like messy livers.
00:21Messy livers?
00:22Sounds like a new dish.
00:24Okay, but what about Patty?
00:26She's the real living room litter.
00:27Oh, I'm ready to pull her over to the curb.
00:29The minute she comes down the stairs.
00:31Is this enough?
00:32I'll need an escort to get me back to my home field.
00:36Kathy, I ran into one of your school teachers today, Miss McClintock.
00:40And she tells me she thinks you ought to be voted student of the year.
00:43And she thinks you will.
00:45That would be wonderful.
00:46Well, you deserve it.
00:48Thank you, Aunt Natalie.
00:49We're all very proud of you.
00:51I'm not.
00:54Now, what's that supposed to mean?
00:56She's setting a bad family example.
00:58Now, I'll be expected to be student of the year.
01:01You make it tough on a poor little kid who just wants to remain a normal dog.
01:05Come on, Ross.
01:06I'll be your fighter escort and get you back home.
01:08Come on, what a short Santa Claus.
01:10Laugh all you can.
01:12You're next.
01:13Oh, Patty.
01:14Yeah?
01:15Oh, Mamo, I can't take them up now.
01:17Richard is coming to pick me up.
01:18You know,
01:19Oh, Mamo, I can't take them up now.
01:20Richard is coming to pick me up.
01:21You know, you're improving, Patty.
01:26I am?
01:27You're thinking up excuses before I ask you to do something.
01:30Here, this just sort of floated down from your room.
01:32Oh, Mom, Richard really is coming to pick me up.
01:34I called first.
01:36You see?
01:37Honey, at least you can take the sun lamp up now.
01:40Oh, Mamo, I like it there.
01:41You see, I use it to dry my hair while I'm on the telephone.
01:43And besides, it looks very nice there, like a regular lamp.
01:46If this were a barbershop, it might look like a regular lamp.
01:49Oh, honey, you could take these things up while you're standing here arguing about it.
01:52Mamo, please, I have got to get to the shake shop to study.
01:56At the shake shop?
01:57Yeah, Rich, and I always study at the shake shop.
01:59You wouldn't want me to flunk shake shop, would you?
02:07Hi, Rich.
02:08What kept you so long?
02:10Oh, my mother had a lot of things for me to do.
02:12Come on.
02:17Meet Kathy, who's lived most everywhere
02:21From Zanzibar to Berkeley Square
02:24But Kathy's only seen the sights a girl can see
02:26From Brooklyn Heights, what a crazy pair
02:30But they're cousins, identical cousins all the way
02:37One pair of matching bookends, different as night and day
02:43Where Kathy adores a minuet, the ballet Russe, and Crepe Suzette
02:49Oh, Kathy loves to rock and roll, a hot dog makes her lose control
02:53What a wild duet
02:55Still they're cousins, identical cousins and you'll find
03:02They laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike
03:06You can lose your mind when cousins are two of a kind
03:23Patty, the habits we form when we're young are very important.
03:28You know something?
03:30I can't figure out how my case got to the Supreme Court so fast.
03:33I didn't even know I was on trial.
03:35You're not on trial, darling.
03:37It's just that whenever your mother and I ask you to do something, we get evasion instead of action.
03:42We're wondering if it's the same at school.
03:46I feel like I picked up the plague.
03:48Well, you have. The put-it-off plague.
03:52Happily, there's a simple solution.
03:54Tell me I'm simple.
03:56I wish I'd said that.
03:59All right.
04:00You take that same wonderfully wild energy that you spend evading things
04:05and you redirect it to doing things.
04:07Let me give you an example.
04:09There's a copy boy down at the paper who's on his way up.
04:12You know why?
04:13Because every time someone asks him to do something, he says,
04:16can do, no problem, no sweat.
04:18Now that boy is going places.
04:20You get what I mean?
04:22Yeah.
04:23You'd rather have a can-do copy boy than a no-can-do daughter.
04:26Patty, think about this.
04:29The point is, Patty, that the boy's attitude is refreshing and inspiring to everyone.
04:34Now, instead of taking a negative attitude,
04:37the secret is to say yes to life.
04:39You see?
04:40Without even realizing it, your cousin Kathy does.
04:44What do I do, Aunt Natalie?
04:45Say yes to life.
04:47I do?
04:48Yeah.
04:49Without even realizing it.
04:53You're serious, aren't you, Papa?
04:55You bet I am.
04:58Okay.
05:01Instant transformation.
05:03Can-do Patty.
05:04Good for you, darling.
05:07Now then, since this has turned into a family meeting...
05:11What meeting?
05:12The one you're in.
05:13Go ahead.
05:16My women's club meets here Thursday,
05:18and I would like some help making the coffee cake.
05:20Can-do.
05:22Good meeting.
05:23It's not over.
05:25And I would appreciate some help polishing the silver.
05:28No problem.
05:31Great meeting.
05:34And the patio needs attention.
05:38Ross, I said the patio needs attention.
05:42No sweat.
05:45Oh, uh, Patty, it's all right if the copy boy uses that expression, but, uh...
05:49Oh, okay, Papa.
05:52No perspiration.
05:56Laugh it up, Kathy, we're off the hook.
06:00You know something?
06:01I feel better already.
06:03Patty, you're a wonderful girl to make an about face like this.
06:06It was nothing.
06:08Oh, there's Richard. See ya. Bye.
06:10Bye, slave.
06:13Hi, Rich.
06:14Hi, Patty.
06:15You ready to heel and toe it to the water hole?
06:17Yeah.
06:18I presume that means you're walking to the shake shop.
06:20Oh, hi, Mr. Lane.
06:22It must be great to have a father who speaks English.
06:24Yeah.
06:27Richard, you know, you often remind me of a young Great Dane, but just what are you doing?
06:33Oh, I have to decide what to order Patty at the shake shop.
06:36I don't understand.
06:37Well, haven't you noticed?
06:39Your daughter's been wearing fruit-flavored perfume.
06:41Fruit-flavored perfume?
06:43It's the latest thing, Papa.
06:45It wouldn't do to order a cherry picker free flight flip if she's wearing wild grape.
06:50Oh, no, of course not.
06:52And the scents would definitely clash.
06:54So I have to determine here.
06:56Because at the shake shop, everything smells the same.
07:02Orange.
07:04Tangerine.
07:07Can't you take her word for it?
07:09Sure.
07:10But it wouldn't be as much fun.
07:12Good night, Richard.
07:18Teenagers.
07:19I wish I'd been one.
07:22Well, there's no denying you came to the right person for help.
07:25Oh?
07:26Yeah. Our daughter's all straightened out.
07:28She's volunteered to help you with the cake, polish the silver, manicure the patio.
07:32She certainly did.
07:33Yes, indeed.
07:34And left without doing anything.
07:37As your advisor, I have called this meeting to select a new treasurer.
07:41Arthur, as you know, has enlisted.
07:43Of course, if anybody would like to volunteer...
07:46Can do.
07:48Do you, Patty?
07:50You really want to volunteer for this job?
07:53No problem.
07:54Well, unfortunately,
07:56I'm afraid I can't do it.
07:58I'm afraid I can't do it.
08:00I'm afraid I can't do it.
08:02I'm afraid I can't do it.
08:04I'm afraid I can't do it.
08:05Unfortunately, Arthur was a little bit behind in his dues collections,
08:10postings, billings, banking.
08:13Well, Arthur was effective on the football field,
08:17but as a financier...
08:19You sure you want to volunteer for this job?
08:22No perspiration.
08:24No more.
08:28Thank you, Mr. McLintock.
08:29Excuse me.
08:30Here.
08:32Here you go, Rich.
08:34Excuse me, Patty, but that was you that volunteered just a minute ago, wasn't it?
08:38Certainly was.
08:39You volunteered for drudgery?
08:41That's right.
08:43The secret is to say yes to life, Alice.
08:46Do it sometime. Makes you feel good inside.
08:54I don't know how soon she'll be back, Richard.
08:56She's a student representative on the Borough of Beautiful Committee, you know.
08:59Volunteered.
09:00I know. She also volunteered to organize our Shake It or Leave It Club.
09:04Shake It or Leave It Club?
09:06I'm afraid to ask what that is.
09:08It's a dance club, Mr. Lane.
09:10We're going to hold our meetings at the Shake Shop.
09:12Hello, Richard.
09:13Where's Patty?
09:14My club woman will be here Thursday.
09:16The coffee cake isn't made.
09:17The silverware hasn't been polished.
09:19And the weeds in the patio are feeling very secure.
09:22She's probably pacing herself.
09:24She's taking on too much.
09:26Yeah.
09:27She'll be burned out before she's 20.
09:29You don't want to dredge for a life.
09:31We'll worry about that when the time comes.
09:33And it hasn't.
09:35Now, meanwhile, you're both forgetting a truism.
09:37The more work you assume, the more work you can do.
09:40So relax.
09:54If this is tiring you, Richard...
09:56Oh, it isn't that, Mrs. Lane.
09:58It's just that I haven't had much sleep lately.
10:00Those committees are killing me.
10:01Committees?
10:02Yeah.
10:03Patty sets it up and I carry out the work.
10:06I must have been up to 11 o'clock last night ringing doorbells.
10:10Was she ringing doorbells?
10:11No.
10:12She's too busy.
10:13Busy doing what?
10:14Well, you know.
10:16Being the brains.
10:17That shouldn't take her too long.
10:19Where is everybody?
10:20Hello?
10:21I'm home.
10:22Hey, look at all you.
10:24Hello, darling.
10:25Home is where the weeds are growing.
10:27Well, why don't you relax with us, Mr. Lane?
10:29Relax?
10:31This has to be against the child labor law.
10:33Ask your sister.
10:34I think she volunteered to write the original law.
10:37So where is she?
10:38Search me.
10:39Is there a neighborhood volunteer fire department?
10:41She may have joined that.
10:44Uh, don't forget this.
10:48Well, now, just a minute.
10:50You should not be doing Patty's work for her.
10:52Can't anybody around here say no?
10:54It's pretty hard to say no to her, Mr. Lane.
10:56You know how Patty is when she flies.
10:58She's marching along conquering the world like Alexander the Great.
11:02And it's up to us peasants to execute for the great executor.
11:05Well, let's all remember an old truism.
11:08The more work you assume, the more work you can do.
11:13Look, Natalie, do you think it's a good idea for me to bend over weeding like that?
11:17I mean, my sacroiliac might pop.
11:19Oh, I don't think it'll pop.
11:21Think positive.
11:23You know, can do.
11:28Well, Patty's really doing a great job.
11:31We mustn't discourage her.
11:33I mean, we wouldn't want to break her spirit now that she's learning how to assume obligations.
11:39Would we?
11:40Hey!
11:51It's so exciting, this serving selflessly.
11:54Kids at school look at me differently.
11:56They look up to me.
11:59Mr. Brewster called me in this afternoon.
12:02He said,
12:04Patty, we at Brooklyn Heights High are proud of you.
12:09Your leadership has been an inspiration to your fellow students.
12:12I salute you.
12:14Wonderful, Patty.
12:16I'd salute you too if I had time.
12:18How are you coming with the books?
12:20Arthur left them in pretty bad shape, huh?
12:23That's putting it mildly.
12:39Oh, uh...
12:42Mr. Brewster also said,
12:44Patty, you keep going at this rate,
12:47and you could be the first woman president of the United States.
12:51I believe it.
12:52Especially if they change the voting procedure so you can just volunteer.
12:59President Patty Lane.
13:02Maybe I should make a Patricia.
13:04Patricia Lane.
13:06Maybe I should make a Patricia.
13:08Patty's a little informal.
13:09Anything you say, Madam President.
13:11President Patricia Lane.
13:14P.L. tells the nation.
13:16P.L. calls a conference of the United Planets.
13:19P.L. saves the universe!
13:22You are the most modest president the colonies have ever had.
13:25I'll never change, Cap.
13:26I'll never forget you, my dear devoted cousin.
13:29I'll make you...
13:31Secretary of the Treasury.
13:33Thank you, no.
13:34Secretary of Labor.
13:36That...
13:37That's a little more like it.
13:39And Richard?
13:40Richard.
13:42Dear, devoted Richard.
13:45First Lady.
13:48Kathy, I love you.
13:51You know something?
13:52I must love you, too.
13:58You know, Kath, it's really nice having you studying down here with us.
14:02Gets kind of lonely up in our room with Patty gone all the time.
14:06I hear when she runs out of local projects,
14:08she's gonna call a meeting on the moon.
14:10They'll elect her Miss Looney.
14:12She's wonderful.
14:15Hi, group.
14:16Just thought I'd drop by on my way to another meeting.
14:18What are you here?
14:20Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da!
14:22You're president of the Musicians Union.
14:24No.
14:26We just came from the shake shop
14:27and there's a campaign to vote me Student of the Year tomorrow.
14:30Student of the Year?
14:31Hey, Natalie, did you hear that?
14:35Oh, yes.
14:36Yes, I did.
14:37It's like a regular ground surge.
14:39The kids think Patty's the most.
14:41Can do this, can do that.
14:43I don't think there's anything they think she can't...
14:46Mr. Lane, aren't you feeling well?
14:48Oh, oh, sure.
14:50I stand up fine, see?
14:52Congratulations, Patty.
14:53Thanks, Papa.
14:54Ooh.
14:57You've opened up a whole rich new life for me.
15:00A life of milling masses, stumbling aimlessly,
15:04looking for a leader.
15:06Well,
15:07off to the cheerleader's awards meeting.
15:09You're leaving so soon?
15:10I thought maybe you'd stay long enough to meet the family.
15:13Well,
15:14we who have so much to give
15:16must put aside our personal life and...
15:20give.
15:21What?
15:25What do you know?
15:26Student of the Year.
15:27Isn't that wonderful?
15:28Isn't that wonderful?
15:30I think I'll take a walk to the library.
15:32There's a book I need.
15:33Excuse me.
15:35What did I say?
15:41You had no reason to know, Martin,
15:43but being Student of the Year means the world to Kathy.
15:47And I feel after all she's done for the school, she deserves it.
15:50I see what you mean.
15:51Well, do you think Patty will win?
15:53I don't.
15:54She's got a winning smile, but a losing face.
15:58As much as we love Patty, by comparison,
16:00she is sort of a flash in the pan.
16:02I'm sure they don't know that Kathy prepared a treasurer's report.
16:05The heck with that.
16:06Do they know I polished her silverware?
16:08I want to go to that meeting tomorrow.
16:10Our explosion.
16:11All right, take it easy, Ross.
16:13This calls for cool heads.
16:15It'd be terrible if Kathy didn't get her just reward.
16:18What about mine?
16:19Like 50 cents an hour, retroactive.
16:21Time and a half for overtime.
16:23Old age benefits.
16:24Social security.
16:25Paid washout time.
16:27Just turn Patty's allowance over to me.
16:29I'll deduct it from her.
16:34This is a great moment for us.
16:36We have been appointed to take charge of the Brooklyn Heights High beautifying project.
16:41When you say we...
16:43I mean all of us.
16:45Well, sure, I am chairman of the committee,
16:48but it's as I told the principal this morning.
16:52But I can't do it without all of you.
16:55The workers.
16:56What do we have to do exactly?
16:59Clean up the school grounds.
17:00Clean up the school grounds?
17:03Yes.
17:04Now, don't think of it as a civic duty.
17:06Think of it as a civic pleasure.
17:09Brooklyn Heights High is going to be the most beautiful school in the country.
17:13And I'm going to see to it that each and every one of you gets his own personal inspection kit.
17:19Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
17:21I have another meeting.
17:27Patty?
17:28I don't know where you get the energy to do all this.
17:31You know something, Richard?
17:33Sometimes I surprise myself.
17:37Congratulations!
17:39We have been selected to make Christmas presents for the juvenile delinquents at Danville Reformatory.
17:43Who selected us?
17:45I did.
17:47Oh, come on, that's a big opportunity for us.
17:50Now, Mr. Roberts said we could use the school workshop.
17:53Roberts said we could use the school workshop.
17:55That means you can work Saturdays, Sundays, and evenings.
17:58Now, now, now, now, now, now.
18:00Where is your school spirit?
18:01Hop to it!
18:09You've done it again!
18:11We've done it again.
18:14I have some wonderful news for us.
18:17Excuse me.
18:18Pardon me.
18:19Excuse me.
18:22We have just been appointed to march with the volunteer fire department of Brooklyn Heights
18:26in a Columbus Day parade!
18:33I better give that one to Kathy.
18:38Come in.
18:40You busy, honey?
18:42I'm never too busy for you, Popo.
18:43What do you want done?
18:45Well, I don't want anything done.
18:46I just wanted to talk to you.
18:48Oh, then I am a little busy.
18:50As corresponding secretary for the Junior Junior League, I...
18:52Corresponding secretary?
18:53Yeah.
18:55Who's going to do the corresponding?
18:57Well, I'm going to take the notes,
18:58and then Kathy said she wouldn't mind writing a few letters and addressing them for me,
19:01and she types much faster than I do.
19:04Patty, you're marvelous.
19:06You know, sometimes I think of you as a beautiful, spirited, high-flying kite.
19:11Okay, I'm a kite.
19:12But I'm also a corresponding secretary.
19:14See ya.
19:15A way out kite.
19:16Way up there on a thrilling ride.
19:18But you know, you're asking a lot of other people to keep you flying.
19:25You're serious, aren't you?
19:27Yes, I am.
19:29I'd like to reel you in just a little bit,
19:31and see if your perspective doesn't change.
19:35Okay.
19:38Reel me in.
19:41The kids at school are all looking up to you these days.
19:44Why?
19:45Why do you think they're looking up to you, huh?
19:48Well, I'm not very good as a talking kite.
19:52Well, I think it's because you've taken on a lot of jobs that they don't want to get involved in.
19:57You've become a problem broker.
19:59You've got a reputation, a wonderful reputation as a doer.
20:02And that's good.
20:04The only thing is that, um,
20:07a lot of people who love you have been doing the doing.
20:12Now, one of them sleeps right here in this room,
20:14and I'm afraid she's going to be crying herself to sleep tomorrow night.
20:19Kathy?
20:20Mm-hmm.
20:21Why would she be crying?
20:24Well, because she's been looking forward to being student of the year.
20:30She has?
20:31That's what she told your mother.
20:35Oh, boy.
20:37It seems that being picked as student of the year means as much to her as, uh,
20:41Being first woman president of the United States means to me.
20:45Oh.
20:47Well, I guess that election will have to wait a while, huh?
20:55Congratulations, Patty.
20:57Oh, thanks a lot.
20:59What for?
21:00I hear you're a cinch to be student of the year.
21:04Hi, Patty. How does it feel to be student of the year?
21:07Hi, Patty. How does it feel to be student of the year?
21:10Richard, they haven't even voted yet.
21:13Oh, I keep my ear to the ground. You're a cinch.
21:15Uh, come on. They're starting the vote.
21:17We want to cast our ballots, don't we?
21:20Yes. We certainly do.
21:29Where's Kathy?
21:30Oh, she didn't feel too well this morning.
21:32She wasn't sure if she could make it to school or not.
21:34It's too bad. She should be here to see you elected.
21:37Yeah.
21:39Well, would you all be seated, please?
21:43Now, before we open our books, we're going to cast our votes for student of the year.
21:48Patty Lane!
21:53Mr. President, may I say a few words, please?
21:56Uh, victory speeches usually take place after the election.
22:01Yes, Patty.
22:02Yes, Patty.
22:04Well, I...
22:06I just wanted to tell you all what a thrill it is to have even been nominated for student of the year.
22:11Everyone's been calling me can-do Patty.
22:14And that's right. I sure can.
22:16You bring me a problem, and I'll get it done.
22:19I didn't say I'd do it. I just said I'd get it solved.
22:24Because I have a cousin named Kathy.
22:28She's the one who's been getting things solved around here.
22:30Everything that's been done around here has been done by Kathy.
22:33With all of you helping her.
22:36I've just been a lot of wind.
22:38Oh, sure, it takes wind to make the windmill go round, but it's the windmill that does the work.
22:45Good morning, Kathy.
22:46Oh, good morning, Mr. Murchison.
22:47Aren't you late for class?
22:49Well, they're having the voting for the student of the year.
22:51Well, go on in.
22:53I thought I'd wait until it was...
22:55Go on.
22:57Yes, sir. Thank you.
23:01So I think that that's the kind of person you want to vote for.
23:05Someone who's not afraid to tackle anything.
23:09Someone who's not afraid of a little work.
23:11Someone who gets the job done.
23:13I move that this class choose her by unanimous acclamation.
23:23Well, it is passed unanimously.
23:26Is there anything you'd like to say, Kathy?
23:27No, Ms. McClintock.
23:30Except that I believe the class has made a very wise choice.
23:36What did I say?
23:38You just made your acceptance speech, Kathy.
23:40You're student of the year.
23:52Hi.
23:53Hi, Richard.
23:54I guess you heard the news.
23:55Yes.
23:56Kathy told us.
23:57I wish you would have heard Patty.
23:59You sure would have been proud of her.
24:01I've always been proud of her, Richard.
24:03She just had that class in the palm of her hand.
24:06I wish she'd occupy the palms of her hands with something a little more practical,
24:09like the dishes, for instance.
24:11There must be a thousand of them out there.
24:14Wouldn't your club women volunteer?
24:16They aren't expected to.
24:18Well, where's Patty?
24:20We got to make the scene at the Waterhole.
24:22We're having a meeting of the Shake It or Leave It Club.
24:24I wish I could join you.
24:26Actually, I haven't seen her for the last hour or so.
24:28Good heavens!
24:31What now?
24:39Is that you, Patty?
24:41Yes, it's me.
24:44Can do Patty.
24:56Here's Kathy who's lived most everywhere
24:59From Zanzibar to Barkley Square
25:02But Patty's only seen the sights
25:04A girl can see from Brooklyn Heights
25:06What a crazy pair
25:08But they're cousins
25:10Identical cousins
25:12And you'll find
25:14They laugh alike
25:16They walk alike
25:18At times they even talk alike
25:20You can't tell them apart
25:22But they're cousins
25:24Identical cousins
25:26You can't lose your mind
25:28When cousins
25:30Are two of a kind

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