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Short filmTranscript
00:00Come ride the little train that is rollin' down the tracks to the junction.
00:11Forget about your cares, it is time to relax at the junction.
00:16Lots of curves, you bet, and even more when you get to the junction.
00:26Petticoat Junction There's a little hotel called the Shady Rest
00:34at the junction.
00:35Petticoat Junction It is run by Kate, come and be her guest
00:41at the junction.
00:42Petticoat Junction And that's Uncle Joe, he's a-movin' kinda
00:47slow at the junction.
00:49Petticoat Junction
00:56Is it bad, Charlie?
01:18Not too bad.
01:19A few tomatoes and eggs and a cabbage or two caught the tender.
01:23I've never seen such an angry mob.
01:26Somebody yellin', get the coach, kill the coach.
01:30Oh, poor Uncle Joe.
01:32Well, losin' the biggest game of the year, 84 to nothin', ain't exactly the way to win
01:38friends.
01:39I hate to think what the back of the train looks like.
01:53Safe to come out now?
01:54Yes, Mr. Bedlow.
01:55I'm terribly sorry you had to go through all this just because our team lost.
01:59Oh, that's all right.
02:01Remember lad, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.
02:05Play lousy.
02:06There.
02:07I got that impression.
02:08Oh, I'm sorry, kids, but remember, it's how you play the game.
02:19Yeah, that's what Mr. Bedlow just said.
02:21Bedlow, he's on this train?
02:23Oh, sourpuss.
02:24He's the vice president of the railroad?
02:25He went through this garbage barrage?
02:27Took two eggs right in the kisser before he got the window closed.
02:30Oh, there goes the Hoodoval Cannonball.
02:33You'll junk it for sure now.
02:35Mr. Bedlow, don't blame Charlie and Floyd and their train, I mean your train.
02:44It's not their fault that Hoodoval High lost every single game this year and the people
02:48finally got fed up.
02:50It's his fault.
02:51My uncle, the coach.
02:52Oh, Mrs. Bradley, it's nobody's fault.
02:54It's like the game of life.
02:56Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose, but the important thing is to take both with a smile.
03:01Oh, I don't blame you for being mad.
03:03Here, take Mr. Bedlow up to the hotel, give him the bridal suite next to the bath and
03:07give him anything he wants with no charge.
03:10He's our guest.
03:11No, no.
03:12I insist on paying.
03:13Oh, you're going to feel so much better when you have a nice hot bath.
03:15Betty Jo, you clean up his suit while he's freshening up for dinner.
03:19Now hurry now.
03:20No, no, no.
03:21Girls.
03:24Charlie, there goes the meanest, most...
03:31Did he say something nice?
03:33Sounded like it from here.
03:35Charlie, there's something rotten in Denmark.
03:39There's something rotten in Hoodoval, too, and I think all of it hit this train.
03:44You can come out now, coach.
03:48Okay, Joe.
03:52Is it safe?
03:54Reasonably.
03:55You still got to face Kate.
03:57Oh, hi, Kate.
03:58Hi.
04:01Well, Hoodoval Hornets dropped another close one today.
04:04Close is right.
04:05Close to a hundred and nothing.
04:07This is the last year I'm going to coach that ungrateful Hoodoval.
04:10You can bet on that.
04:11This may be the last year for everything.
04:13The hotel, the train.
04:15What are you talking about?
04:16You know who was on this train and got hit by two eggs meant for you?
04:20Who?
04:21Mr. Bean himself.
04:23Homer Bedlow.
04:25Well, he don't scare me none.
04:27I'll face up to him just like I faced up to that angry mob.
04:31Is he the directors of the railroad?
04:33Two of them.
04:34Big shot eastern fellows.
04:35Come in a private plane.
04:36Now, they're going to board the Cannonball here in Hoodoval tomorrow morning for an inspection trip.
04:40And Bedlow put him up to it, huh?
04:42He's awaiting for him at the shady rest.
04:44Oh, that sneaky Red Hat.
04:46He's a real scoundrel.
04:47And he's going to get it.
04:48He's going to get it.
04:50Well, I can't believe it.
04:52I can't believe it.
04:53You're going to get it.
04:54He's going to get it.
04:55He's going to get it.
04:56He's going to get it.
04:57put him up to it huh? He's a-waiting for him at the shady rest. Oh that sneaky rat, somebody's got
05:02to warn Kate and the boys. Well how? There ain't no train, no phone, no road, no... The hand car. Yeah send
05:08Herbie Bates. Oh no no he got chased out of town along with his coach. Sam you can't pump that car
05:12clear to Kate's hotel. I can try. I said to myself Homer Bedlow you've got to go back to that wonderful
05:29little town of Hooderville and ride that wonderful little train to that wonderful little hotel and
05:36visit with all those wonderful people. I'll say one thing for you Homer you're a good loser
05:42but we really outsmarted you when you tried to scrap the cannonball. Uncle Joe uh Mr. Bedlow doesn't
05:48want to talk about that. Kate women don't understand the kind of sportsmanship that goes on between men
05:55now Homer and me locked horns and he got the worst of it but he ain't mad are you Homer? Not a bitch.
06:01Of course I guess you did look kind of silly back at the main office. Certainly did.
06:07See how good he's taking it? He don't mind being beaten by a better man.
06:10Uncle Joe um I need you to help me move something into the lobby. Sure Kate.
06:18What do you want to move? You.
06:27How long are you planning to be with us Mr. Bedlow? Oh I think along about noon tomorrow ought to do
06:32it. Isn't that about the time you boys get the train back from Hooderville? Yes sir and we'll be
06:38right on time for you Mr. Bedlow. Oh no no no no no no take your time. Be late. I don't mind. Hear that
06:46Charlie we can sleep late. Floyd we got to get up early and clean the train it's a mess. We'll help
06:52you. Sure we will Charlie. Oh no no no you young people shouldn't waste a good Saturday morning
06:59cleaning a train. Besides it'll be a good object lesson for the people of Hooderville to see that
07:03train the way it is. Remind them of how ugly mob violence can be. No no no no the messier it looks the better.
07:13Let me tell you that man's up to no good he's out for revenge. Well now if he was a woman I'd agree
07:18with you. Never turn your back on a woman. They're sneaky cunning and treacherous. Thanks. But a man
07:25is different so stop worrying about Bedlow. Uncle Joe you tell Floyd and Charlie to meet me down at
07:32the train. I'm going into town and talk to Sam Drucker. What about? About the price of horseradish.
07:40Well at least I got you to stop worrying about Bedlow.
08:02Oh Sam are you hurt? I don't think so no.
08:25Oh goodness. I'll be all right Kate as soon as I can stop pumping.
08:33Watch the blisters. Oh I'm sorry. Who is it Kate? Sam Drucker. Listen is Bedlow up at the hotel?
08:41Yeah come on up and say hello. He's changed Sam. Nicest fella you ever want to meet. Horseradish.
08:47Well you can talk to Kate about that later. Come on up visit Bedlow. No listen to me. Bedlow is here
08:52for only one reason. He's got a scheme that'll finish this train once and for all. You hear that
08:59Uncle Joe? Yeah and it don't surprise me none. You know I was suspicious of him the minute he walked
09:06in. All right gang when those big city railroad directors see the Hooderville Cannonball in the
09:24morning she's gonna be shining like a new penny from cowcatcher to caboose. Yeah that's right.
09:31Shh Mr. Bedlow's in the lobby. Come on get your buckets let's go.
09:39Betty Jo listen you and Herbie help Floyd and Charlie scrub down the locomotive. Okay now
09:45Bobby Jo you and Bill. Where's Billy Jo? She didn't like to wear blue jeans fitters so she's
09:50taking them in through the... Let's go we only got till daybreak.
09:59Oh no Sam no no no you you've done your part. You go to bed and rest those blisters. Not me
10:05Kate. I want to be in and foiling Bedlow all the way. Thank you Sam.
10:13He dozed off. I think it was your eggnog that did it. Well I thought it would. I put a half a
10:18bottle of cooking sherry in it. I wondered how he could go to sleep while I was telling him the
10:23story about my wooden Indian. I was telling him all about my great great uncle Kit Carson. How
10:28he carved it out of solid oak with a knife given to him by this old Indian chief when he was just
10:33a boy living in the woods down in southeastern... Uncle Joe you're putting me to sleep and I got
10:37work to do and so are you. So grab a bucket and head down to the train. Kate don't you think
10:44somebody should stay here and keep an eye on Bedlow? Well I'm gonna do it. I got work to do
10:48here in the kitchen. Did you set his watch ahead? Yeah set it ahead till midnight. How about the
10:55other clocks? Oh I forgot. Here I'll start with this one. Say where is everybody? Oh Uncle Joe
11:02get this stuff out of sight. Here. Mrs. Bradley why'd everybody disappear to? Shh everybody's in
11:13bed asleep. It can't be at this time of night. It's holy smokes it's after midnight. Shh wake
11:19everybody up. There must be something the matter with my watch. It can't be this late. Well it is
11:23and you should be in bed too. I'm not sleepy. I'll make you some more eggnog. Oh that's darn good
11:28eggnog but I don't want you to go to all that trouble. Always no trouble at all. I can't believe
11:32I slept for three hours. Is there a clock in here? Well I'm so ashamed it's a dirty you can't tell
11:39what time it is. There you are. Twenty to one?
11:56What's all the commotion down here? Can't a fella get a nice sleep?
12:01Mr. Bedlow what's the meaning of this? Alone with my niece here in the middle of the night.
12:07How far has this gone Kate? Are you prepared to marry this woman? Now wait a minute wait a minute
12:14I just came in here. She was just going to make me some more eggnog. Well I think you've had enough
12:19to drink already. These carryings on might go up in the city but out here we don't allow any
12:24hanky-panky with our women. Hanky-panky? You get to your bedroom and stay there and just be glad I
12:31didn't have my shotgun handy. Please explain to him that I haven't got any romantic interest in you.
12:37Would I be telling him the truth Homer? Yes. Well you have been extra nice to me on this trip.
12:47What other reason could you have? What other reason? Now let me tell you something. Oh good night.
12:58And don't let me catch you out of your room again tonight or I'll shoot first and ask questions later.
13:02I'll come show you. You were wonderful. Now let's go on down the train and get to work.
13:11Okay. I'm all dressed for bed and I have a sleep on my feet I...
13:23Let's go.
13:32All right gang, that does it for the outside. Now let's see how Uncle Joe's doing inside.
13:51Uncle Joe?
13:53How'd it go Kate? That big mess come off the seats? Nope. There it sits, fast asleep.
13:59How he can sleep on those hard splattered up back breakers is beyond me.
14:05Say Charlie, can you and Floyd unbolt these seats and get him out of here?
14:08Well yeah Kate, but wouldn't it be easier to wake him up and let him walk out?
14:12This is not what I had in mind. Look, I'm not going to let him sleep on those hard splattered
14:17Yeah Kate, but wouldn't it be easier to wake him up and let him walk out?
14:20This is not what I had in mind. Look, go get your tools and take everything out of this coach.
14:25Everything? Everything. Those two big city railroad directors are going to get the surprise of their lives.
14:36That's funny. I would have sworn there was a chair and couch there last night.
14:48Hmm. All aboard Oodle Mill Cannonball.
14:56Train leaving on track one. Not after today.
15:09Thought you might like some company for breakfast, Joe Carson. Very funny.
15:18Ready for breakfast.
15:23The Hooderville Cannonball is due in one minute.
15:26Bedlow told us it's never been on time yet.
15:31Here she comes.
15:42Hooderville.
15:48Did you enjoy your ride, madam? Sonny, that's the finest train ride I ever had in my life.
15:58Smooth as glass all the way. Well thank you, madam. You must ride with us again. You bet I will, Sonny.
16:07All aboard the Hooderville Cannonball, gentlemen. There was no one in the station to sell us a
16:11ticket. Part of the satisfaction guarantee service. We collect the fare at the end of the ride
16:16only if you're happy. Hey, that sounds great. Sounds like very bad business to me.
16:23Good morning, gentlemen. Welcome aboard train number three, the Hooderville Cannonball.
16:48I'm your hostess, Miss Bradley. How do you do? Hello. Your engineer for this trip is Mr. Charles
16:55Pratt, a veteran of 35 years at the throttle. Your fireman is Mr. Floyd Smoot, and your conductor is
17:02Mr. Joseph Carson. We will be cruising at a safe, comfortable speed of 40 miles an hour.
17:09Any delicious hot meal will be served en route. If there's anything I can do to make your trip
17:13more comfortable or enjoyable, you have only to ask. Thank you.
17:44You give a very good shine, young fellow. Thank you, sir. Hey, John, do you notice the porter's
17:53smock? Like they wear in Europe. Yeah, the service on this train is a lot like the crack continental
17:59trains, too. Oh, come now, Matt. You can't compare the Hooderville Cannonball to, say,
18:05the train bleu. Oh, you know, the blue train from Paris to Nice. Well, no, I happen to hear that,
18:13sir. What has the blue train got that we haven't got? Well, besides a shoe shine, you can get a
18:19haircut, a manicure. Herbie, Porter, tell the personnel director to send in one of our barbers
18:26and a manicurist immediately. What? Quickly, boy.
18:34Pepper. Mom, Bobby's ready to entertain. Oh, good.
18:39Oh, Bobby, that's kind of brief. Oh, I wore it in the Hooderville High Follies. Oh, well,
18:44move it. Oh, hiya, Herbie. How's it going? Fine, until Uncle Joe promised him a barber and a
18:51manicurist. Bobby! Sam, did you ever give a haircut? No. Well, it's the first time for everything.
18:59Herbie, give him your smock. Here, take over. Here, Bobby, you'll hand me my sewing basket.
19:05Yeah. Sam? Betty Jo, did you ever give a manicure? A locomotive engineer?
19:14How about you, Bobby Jo? Well, I do my own nails. Well, now you're doing someone else's.
19:18But I haven't got my stuff with me. Make do. Buffer.
19:25Orange sticks. What about nail polish? What about nail polish?
19:29Orange sticks. What about nail polish? What about nail polish?
19:36There we are. Vanilla extract? I think the label hint. Right out there, some of the most unusual
19:44scenery in the world. I don't see anything so unusual about it. You notice that windmill out
19:49there. Well, I'll tell you about that windmill. Oh, here comes the barber and the manicurist.
20:00Well, I'll be darned. I'd rather be manicured.
20:22What do you think of the foreign situation? Which one?
20:26Take your pick.
20:49There you are, sir. Huh? Your haircut is finished, sir.
20:56Oh, now, where's the mirror? Mirror? Oh, it looks fine. Right, conductor?
21:02Great. There must be a mirror someplace.
21:12Barber, come here. Yes, sir. That is the best haircut I ever had. Thank you.
21:19My barber could certainly take lessons from you. Say, Max, how's your manicure?
21:25Sensational. This whole trade is sensational. You said it. John, do you think maybe Bedlow drinks?
21:35I don't know if he does now, but he may start after I get through with him.
21:40I'm telling you that when John Fisher gets through with a hootable cannonball,
21:44it'll be nothing but a pile of scrap. He'll rip up those tracks with his bare hands.
21:50There's the only man I know that's meaner than me. These local yokels thought they had me over a
21:57barrel, thought they had me outsmarted. Well, nobody gets the best of me. I never forget,
22:03and I never forgive. I'll see every last one of them in the poorhouse.
22:09Come to think of it, I'm as mean as John Fisher. Maybe meaner.
22:20Well, she makes her run through the dead of winter, through the summer, spring and fall.
22:33Neither cold nor heat nor blood can stop her. She's the Hooterville Cannonball.
22:41Betty Jo, maybe the gentleman would like another helping.
22:48Oh, no, no, no, please. I've had five. Six for me. What was that delicious concoction?
22:55Just chicken and dumplings. Country style. Specialty of the Hooterville Cannonball. Chef.
23:01I'd like to meet him. Would you ask him to come in?
23:05He never leaves the kitchen. You actually have a kitchen in there?
23:09It's small, but efficient. Let's go see it.
23:13It may serve as a model for our new diesel streamliners. Good idea.
23:16Are you gentlemen connected with some railroad? Well, as a matter of fact,
23:21we are two of the directors of this railroad. Oh, dear my goodness. Did you hear that?
23:28If we'd have known that, we'd have given you our first class service.
23:33What have we been getting? Economy tourist class.
23:37Perhaps there's no two ways about it. This is the greatest train on wheels.
23:42Bar none. And we've ridden them all. Wait till I get my hands on Bedlow.
24:00I heard the cannonball pull in three hours late.
24:04I'll bet that really burned old John Fisher. Fisher. Oh, that's the name of the gentleman
24:10that's waiting down at the train to talk to you. Yeah, him and a fella named Thornton.
24:14They're going to give you a new position with the railroad.
24:18Who says that meanness doesn't pay off?
24:27Floyd and me sure do appreciate this, Mr. Fisher. Yeah, Mr. Fisher.
24:33Kind of train you boys run, you deserve it. Snap to it, Bedlow, you won't even keep this job.
24:41Yes, sir, boss.
24:45Where'd I go wrong?
25:04So
25:13so
25:36this has been a Filmways presentation.
25:43you