Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Come ride the little train that is rollin' down the tracks to the junction, forget about
00:12your cares, it is time to relax at the junction, lots of curves you bet, even more when you
00:23get to the junction.
00:26Petticoat Junction.
00:31There's a little hotel called the Shady Rest at the junction.
00:36Petticoat Junction.
00:37It is run by Kate, come and be her guest at the junction.
00:43Petticoat Junction.
00:44And that's Uncle Joe, he's a-movin' kinda slow at the junction.
00:49Petticoat Junction.
00:56Morning, boys, how are you?
01:11Well, hello, hello.
01:12Hi.
01:13Kate, this is gonna be the smoothest ride to Hooterville you ever had.
01:17You mean we aren't takin' the cannonball?
01:19What took you so long, Kate?
01:21I was finishin' up a shopping list.
01:23Kate, we got a schedule to maintain.
01:25Well, so have I, supper schedule.
01:28Which do you wanna maintain?
01:30Chicken and dumplings.
01:31And blueberry pie.
01:33I gotta get this thing fixed, it keeps runnin' fast all the time.
01:55Charlie, you were right, that was a smooth ride.
02:04Like sailin' on a pink cloud.
02:06Well, thanks for the kind words, Kate.
02:08You figure to get your shoppin' done by the time we get this pink cloud turned around?
02:11Well, I should say, I can't wait to get aboard.
02:14Hey, look.
02:15It's that red little fella from the main line of the railroad.
02:23It sure is.
02:25And that can mean only one thing.
02:27Trouble.
02:28Come on.
02:31Morning, Mr. Bedlow.
02:33Oh, good morning, Mrs. Bradley.
02:35Lovely morning, isn't it?
02:36Uh, dandy.
02:38What brings you to Hooterville, Mr. Bedlow?
02:40Nothin' wrong, I hope.
02:41Wrong?
02:42What could be wrong?
02:43Nothin' could be more right.
02:44Mr. Bedlow, I hate to say this.
02:46It sounds like you thought up another way to scrap the cannonball.
02:49Scrap the cannonball?
02:51Why, I wouldn't think of scrapping that lovely little train.
02:53Oh, you really mean that?
02:55Unequivocally, Mrs. Bradley.
02:56Oh, I'll admit, in the past, I wanted to derail it, junk it, melt it down for paperweights, get rid of it any way that I could.
03:02But not anymore.
03:03Those days are completely forgotten.
03:05Sure enough.
03:06In my efforts to shut down this branch line, I have suffered humiliation and embarrassment.
03:12And my standing as vice president of the CNFW Railroaders has been in jeopardy time and again.
03:18But those days are also forgotten.
03:20Well, Mr. Bedlow, that's great news.
03:22It sure is.
03:23But getting back to what I asked you a while ago, what brings you to Hooterville?
03:28Oh, well, I'm meeting Mr. Philip Waterhouse here.
03:31He's a retired railroad tycoon.
03:33His hobby is old trains.
03:34He plays with them in his thousand-acre backyard in California.
03:37He plays with trains?
03:39You mean that...
03:40Precisely, Mrs. Bradley.
03:42I am selling him the Hooterville cannonball.
03:44Oh, no, Mr. Bedlow, you can't.
03:47Yes, I can, Mrs. Bradley.
03:48Mr. Waterhouse is going to pay a small fortune for it.
03:50Turns out that the Hooterville cannonball is an 1891 Rogers, the last one of its kind left in the world.
03:57And do you know who turned up this little fact?
03:59You know what you are, Mr. Bedlow?
04:01Yes.
04:02A heel, a fink, a no-good stinker, a dirty rat.
04:06Take your pick.
04:08I think dirty rat fits you best.
04:11Mr. Bedlow, the people in this community can't get along without the cannonball.
04:15You know that.
04:16That's true, Mrs. Bradley, but this is progress, something you've held up for years.
04:22Why don't we talk about this over a nice hot meal at my place?
04:28Oh, no, you don't, Mrs. Bradley.
04:30You've tricked me for the last time.
04:32That train is finished.
04:33You're finished.
04:34Everybody's finished.
04:38Who is Mr. Bedlow?
04:40Certainly not me.
04:41I'm Bedlow.
04:42I'm Mr. Cassidy, Mr. Waterhouse's secretary.
04:45How do you do, Mr. Waterhouse?
04:46I'm Homer Bedlow.
04:47Mr. Waterhouse says, how do you do?
04:50Well, why are we wasting time?
04:52I could be having my breakfast.
04:54Yes, sir.
05:02Now let's see what's on your diet this morning, sir.
05:05Probably nails.
05:08Dried figs, sir.
05:11I don't like that woman's looks.
05:13Tell her to get about her business.
05:15Tell her to get about her business.
05:17Tell her to get about her business.
05:20Now, just a minute.
05:22In Hooterville, we don't ricochet our conversations off of one another.
05:26We take direct aim at the person we're talking to.
05:30Besides, anything that happens to the cannonball happens to be our business.
05:34What are they yammering about?
05:36Don't worry about them.
05:37Don't worry about them.
05:38Who's worried?
05:39Who's worried?
05:40I am.
05:42I think we could save some time
05:44if Mr. Waterhouse would sign this purchase order right now.
05:47Mr. Waterhouse does not buy pigs and pokes.
05:50He'll sign the order when he's certain that the engine is a genuine 1891 Rogers.
05:55And after he's had a trial run to check the condition of the train.
05:59Fine, fine.
06:00I'm sure that Mr. Waterhouse will take into consideration
06:03Fine, fine.
06:04I'm sure that Mr. Waterhouse will take into consideration
06:06that the train is old,
06:07and old trains, like old people,
06:09are bound to be a little creaky.
06:11Oh, no offense intended.
06:13This'll be the one day I got the cannonball running smooth as silk.
06:17Well, Charlie, you gotta make a sow's ear out of a silk train.
06:24Mr. Waterhouse is ready for the trial run.
06:26Smooch!
06:27Pat, we're taking her out on a trial run.
06:30Well, Charlie,
06:31I guess you'll be dropping me off at the shady rest for the last time.
06:35I reckon so, Kate.
06:36I'll dust off the seat and the coach for you and Mr. Waterhouse.
06:43It's a good thing Mr. Waterhouse has Mr. Bedlow along
06:47to point out the features of the cannonball.
06:50Yeah, when it comes to trains,
06:52it takes an experienced man like Mr. Bedlow to know the score.
07:00Kate, I don't want to see the cannonball sold any more than you do,
07:03but my pride's at stake.
07:04I got her purring like a kitten.
07:06Well, she better start spitting like a wildcat,
07:08or we're gonna start eating like pigeons.
07:11You're right, Kate.
07:15I've got the seat all cleaned off for you, Mr. Waterhouse,
07:18all set to get aboard.
07:19Mr. Bedlow, I don't see why you feel it's necessary
07:22to come along to point out the features of this train to Mr. Waterhouse.
07:25Features? What features?
07:26Mr. Waterhouse has been a railroad man for 50 years.
07:2851.
07:29I think Mr. Waterhouse is capable of determining
07:31the condition of a train without your help.
07:33But now, wait a minute.
07:34Mr. Waterhouse does not need a nursemaid.
07:36Now, you wait here till we get back.
07:38I know more about trains than he'll know if he lives to be 100.
07:52Must we sit here?
07:54Must we sit here?
07:55It's the most comfortable seat in the car, sir.
07:58The only one I can guarantee the springs won't pop out.
08:11What's the matter, sonny? You lost?
08:13Kate Radner's responsible for this? Where is she?
08:15On the train.
08:16She is? I'd better get aboard.
08:19Mr. Waterhouse, she'll trick you!
08:21Wait!
08:29Wait a minute! Stop the train!
08:34Darn that blasted train!
08:49What is that woman doing?
08:52I'm tying myself down for the train ride.
08:54You gentlemen better brace yourselves.
08:56I've never heard anything so ridiculous in all my life.
08:59You never rode on such a ridiculous train in all your life.
09:09Can't say I didn't warn you.
09:13This may put a crimp in Charlie's pride,
09:15but maybe it'll keep food on the table.
09:40Well, how long are we gonna wait?
09:42You made a suggestion a few miles back
09:45that Mr. Waterhouse thought was a good one.
09:48Thank you, sir. I thought it was a good one, too.
09:51You said you would signal the engineer to stop the train
09:54so Mr. Waterhouse could see how the brakes worked.
09:56I sure did say that.
09:58Well, what is the matter with that engineer?
10:00Is he asleep? Give him the signal again.
10:03He got the signal the first time. The brakes are on now.
10:06He's getting pretty smooth, don't we?
10:09Those brakes will take a hold just like that
10:12as soon as we hit the upgrade across the creek.
10:15Are you keeping a list of all these defects?
10:18I certainly am, sir.
10:21Do you hear what I hear?
10:23What is it, Kate?
10:25Listen, I think the cannonball's trying to tell us something.
10:28By golly, Kate, you're right.
10:30I think the cannonball's trying to tell us something.
10:33I think the cannonball's trying to tell us something.
10:35By golly, Kate, you're right.
10:37Trying to tell you what?
10:39That another one of the wheels is out of whack.
10:42You see, Charlie heard it, too.
10:44And by some miracle, he's managing to stop the train.
10:48We're lucky she's pulling up lame right at the steady rest.
10:51What will I declare?
10:53What a fortunate coincidence.
10:56You're such nice gentlemen,
10:58I'm sorry you had to get hooked
11:00on another one of Mr. Bedloe's sharp deals.
11:03Oh, nobody's sharp deals, Mr. Waterhouse.
11:06Why, the condition of this train has made him very happy.
11:12Happy?
11:14His greatest joy is in repairing these antique locomotives.
11:17And this one is certainly in need of lots of repairs.
11:21Mr. Waterhouse will ride the cab back to Hooterville
11:24to inspect the engine.
11:26Oh, wait a minute.
11:28Charlie wouldn't try to bring her back in the condition she's in.
11:32It'd be too dangerous, wouldn't it, Floyd?
11:34Well...
11:36That'd take two or three hours to even get her where she could limp back.
11:39Isn't that right, Floyd?
11:41Well...
11:43But you're welcome to wait at steady rest.
11:45It's right up the hill from here.
11:47It is about time for your nap.
11:50It is about time for your nap, sir.
12:00That was a close one. I nearly lost him.
12:02Now then, you and Charlie sneak off on your run to Pixley and back.
12:06I gotta have time to pierce that man's meanness.
12:09You'll need an elephant gun to get through that hide.
12:11I got a hunch about that old saying.
12:13There are no bad millionaires, just bad stomachs.
12:17Uncle Joe, get up. The train's in.
12:20Looks like Mom brought back a couple of guests.
12:22Come on, Uncle Joe.
12:24Just five minutes more, Mom.
12:26I promise to get to school on time.
12:28Oh, stop kidding, Uncle Joe.
12:30We have guests. Honest.
12:35Well, well!
12:37Yeah, well, there we are.
12:40Now, we can't exactly make you feel at home,
12:43but we can make you comfortable.
12:45Do you expect me to stay in this broken-down shack?
12:49What is that again, mister?
12:51Well, it isn't exactly a palace,
12:53but as they say, any port in a storm.
12:55Just a minute, Kate.
12:56We ain't so hard up you have to humble yourself.
12:58Uncle Joe, please.
12:59Don't just Uncle Joe please me.
13:01I ain't standing by and seeing you insulted
13:03by a couple of cheap salesmen
13:05with just one itty-bitty sample case between them.
13:07This happens to be an attaché case.
13:10I don't care if you're selling attachés or electric guitars.
13:13Just be sure your broken-down partner here
13:15keeps a civil tongue in his head.
13:17Tell him to shut up.
13:19Please, gentlemen, if you would just step inside.
13:22Like she says, sir, any port in a storm.
13:25Just a minute, buddy.
13:26I ain't heard you apologize to young ladies.
13:28You realize you were talking to
13:30Mr. Philip Waterhouse and his secretary?
13:33Kate, after all I've taught you about spotting phonies,
13:36who ever heard of a man secretary?
13:39Lots of millionaires have men secretaries.
13:42Sure, a million... millionaires.
13:45Mr. Waterhouse is here to buy the cannonball.
13:48It's an antique.
13:49Let me handle it, Kate.
13:51I'll get us a good price for the train.
13:53No, no, no, we can't sell something we don't own.
13:55Kate, we got a house full of antiques.
13:57Millionaires don't just stand around window shopping.
13:59They buy.
14:00But we don't want to sell anything.
14:02We just want to save the cannonball.
14:04Okay, okay, we'll save that for last.
14:06Mr. Bonerich.
14:08That'll mean canceling a lot of reservations.
14:11But I can let you have the whole second floor,
14:14Mr. Waterrich.
14:15Mr. Waterhouse would like a room
14:17where he can take a short nap and wash up.
14:19Your wash is my command.
14:22It's a little joke I thought you might enjoy.
14:25Tell him we don't.
14:27We don't.
14:31After you get your 40 weeks,
14:33I'll show you our stock of antiques.
14:35I hope Mr. Waterhouse has a nice nap.
14:38Oh, I'm sure he will.
14:39Come on, Cassidy.
14:40Sir, I thought I would stay down here for a moment
14:43and go over these notes.
14:45All right, but hurry.
14:46Yeah, hurry it up.
14:47Mr. Waterrich hasn't got all day.
14:49Waterhouse!
14:51Why don't you take your notes into the dining room?
14:54You won't be disturbed in there.
14:56Oh, thank you.
14:57I'll be fine right here.
15:00I'm going to go set the table, Mom.
15:02Uh, you're right.
15:03Perhaps I'll have more privacy in the dining room.
15:10Uh, Billy?
15:12Yes, Mom?
15:13You're disturbing Mr. Cassidy.
15:15I know, but isn't it exciting?
15:17And he acts like a college man.
15:22Betty Jo, you get the fixin' for the chicken and dumplings.
15:24We got to get going fast.
15:26And now to get Mr. Cassidy out of here.
15:28So I can have a nice, long chat with Mr. Waterhouse
15:31when he wakes up.
15:32Here you are.
15:33Now get going.
15:39Hi.
15:40Hi.
15:41Hi.
15:42Where are you going?
15:43To borrow a cup of sugar from a neighbor.
15:45Could I walk along with you?
15:47Well, I guess it'll be all right.
15:58Hey, where are the girls headed with that male secretary?
16:00To borrow a cup of sugar from one of our neighbors.
16:03Well, our closest neighbor's five miles away.
16:05He's going to find that out.
16:07Hey, Kate.
16:08What happened to those price tags we had left over
16:10from the rummage sale?
16:11I'm going to make everything look like it's for sale.
16:13I'll mark it clearance 40% off.
16:15Uncle Joe, please settle down and listen to me.
16:18Kate, this is no time for chit-chat.
16:19There's a rich man upstairs.
16:21Don't you know what it means to be this close
16:22to millions of dollars, maybe billions?
16:24He's rich.
16:25Well, with all the genuine antiques we got around here,
16:28he needs us worse than we need him.
16:30Cassidy!
16:31Coming, Mr. Waterrich.
16:32He wants Cassidy.
16:34Who's Cassidy?
16:35His secretary.
16:36I'll go fetch him.
16:37Kate, you can't keep millionaires waiting.
16:40Cassidy!
16:43Uncle Joe, please find Mr. Cassidy.
16:47Mr. Waterhouse wants him.
16:48Well, he just went.
16:50Please hurry, Uncle Joe.
16:52Mr. Waterhouse, the poor old thing,
16:54is helpless without his secretary.
16:57Helpless, am I?
16:58Well, you can just tell Cassidy
17:00that I don't want to be disturbed.
17:03It worked.
17:04Now, if I just have time to fix the chicken and dumplings,
17:07I'll be able to tame that lion.
17:09I never saw a lion.
17:10Your chicken couldn't turn into a lamb.
17:13Lion, chicken, lamb.
17:14That's pretty good, Betty Jo.
17:16And I'm only a teenager.
17:19Oh, but believe me, Mr. Travis,
17:21nothing can keep this sale from going through.
17:23Oh, they're out on a trial run now.
17:25When they get back...
17:26Oh, no, Mr. Travis,
17:27there's nobody on the train with him except Kate Bradley.
17:31Oh, Mr. Travis,
17:32Kate Bradley's no match for Mr. Waterhouse.
17:35The only way she can talk to him is through Cassidy.
17:39Nothing can happen.
17:40Yeah.
17:41That's right.
17:42Well, goodbye, Mr. Travis.
17:45Ooh, better get out there right away.
17:58Where's my secretary Cassidy?
18:00Oh, he went for a walk, Mr. Waterridge.
18:02House?
18:03Yeah, yeah, he went out of the house for a walk.
18:05What am I supposed to do until he gets back?
18:07Well, you like antiques.
18:08Why don't you just browse around,
18:10see if you can find yourself a few bargains.
18:12You know how old this elevator is?
18:141822, figure it out.
18:161822.
18:17Well, that's remarkable.
18:19Remarkable's hardly the name for it.
18:21The word is O-N-T.
18:24No, the word is remarkable.
18:261822.
18:27Yeah, remarkable, ain't it?
18:28Yes, especially since the elevator wasn't invented until 1852.
18:33Which proves my point.
18:36Don't sit on that, it'll break you into a thousand pieces.
18:39Sure glad I wasn't sitting there when the Indian arrow hit.
18:42Remarkable, ain't it?
18:43Remarkable, ain't it?
18:45Who was that?
18:46Oh, that's Phoebe, my minor bird.
18:48Sometimes I keep her in the elevator.
18:50Remarkable, remarkable.
18:52I've got to get out of this madhouse.
18:54Where's your phone?
18:55Phone?
18:56Oh, I get it.
18:57You're a sharp trader.
18:58You know a bargain when you see one.
19:00What are you talking about?
19:03Now, let's just lay our cards on the table.
19:05You want the phone, we'll make you a price.
19:07Get over.
19:09Operator, operator.
19:12Stop playing games.
19:13Now, you know a phone that old wouldn't work.
19:15It worked once, though.
19:17There was only five words spoken into it.
19:20Quick, Watson, I need you.
19:22Cassidy, Cassidy.
19:23Can't you put a muzzle on that minor bird?
19:26Yeah, gladly.
19:27But it'd be muzzle on the beak of a 95-year-old minor bird.
19:30Cassidy, Cassidy.
19:31Oh.
19:39Now, you let me tell you something.
19:41See, you're probably wondering about the chipped edges on that tray.
19:44Well, you know how it is when careless Indians shake ashes out of their peace pipes.
19:51He hasn't got a chance.
19:54Now I'm going to show you what I really think of your antiques.
19:59Well, of all things.
20:01How dare you break that ash tray?
20:03That's my personal property.
20:04It's all right, Kate.
20:05Mr. Waterridge was just having a little fun.
20:07Well, he's going to have a little more fun cleaning it up.
20:10What?
20:11You get down and clean up every one of those pieces.
20:13Kate, you can't talk that way to a millionaire.
20:15I can talk that way to a spoiled child, and that's what he is.
20:18Now, you listen to me.
20:20Yeah, you better listen to him.
20:22You shut up.
20:24You bet I will.
20:25You think you've been fooling me with your cheap schemes to keep me from buying that train?
20:30You can't fool him, Kate. He's brilliant.
20:32Don't you think I know why you sent Cassidy away?
20:35So you could cry on my shoulder with some sad story.
20:39He don't like sad stories.
20:41Hey, did you ever hear the...
20:42Shut up!
20:44Listen to me.
20:46It's true, I schemed.
20:47But I could have staked my life that you had a spark of decency in you,
20:52and that maybe somehow I could show you how important that train was to us.
20:57While to you it's just another toy.
20:59But I guess I was mistaken in my judgment.
21:01You ought to be ashamed.
21:03My mother went to a lot of trouble making chicken and dumplings for you,
21:07just so you'd listen to her side of the story.
21:09Oh, I get it.
21:11The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, huh?
21:14Why, that's the corniest trick of them all.
21:17You're right.
21:19I should have known you didn't have a heart to get through your stomach, too.
21:24Now, that doesn't sound right, but you know what I mean.
21:29Of all the nerve!
21:32And I'm gonna keep this up until you get Cassidy back here.
21:36No, you're not.
21:38Now, take it easy, kid.
21:39Now, you get on the stairs and go to your room.
21:41Get in just a moment.
21:42I won't let you in until you promise to act like a grown-up.
21:46Give it to him, Mom.
21:47Now, I'm gonna lock you up there until you promise to act like a...
21:57Who is it?
21:58It's me, Kate Bradley.
22:00Well, open that door and make it snappy.
22:09So, you finally decided it was safer to let me out, huh?
22:13The only thing I decided was that even a cranky, crotchety old man can get hungry.
22:19Eat.
22:23I wouldn't eat your cooking if I was starving.
22:26Now, you eat everything on that plate to the last morsel, or so help me,
22:31I'm gonna turn you over my knee and spank the daylights out of you.
22:35And don't think I can't do it.
22:47Well, you gonna stand there and watch me?
22:50I don't think that'll be necessary.
22:57When you're finished eating, you'll find the price of the plate marked on the bottom.
23:06I should have known you'd be able to handle it,
23:08but it could have saved me a 25-mile hike from Hooterville.
23:11Tell him to shut up. I'm thinking.
23:13Shut up. He's thinking.
23:14I'm thinking.
23:15I'm thinking.
23:16I'm thinking.
23:17I'm thinking.
23:18I'm thinking.
23:19I'm thinking.
23:20I'm thinking.
23:21I'm thinking.
23:22I'm thinking.
23:23I'm thinking.
23:24I'm thinking.
23:25Shut up. He's thinking.
23:26I heard. I heard.
23:28Does this mean we'll have to move?
23:31We'll talk about it later, honey.
23:33You know I'm a good man to give him back that $50 he gave me for that stuff he broke.
23:38Michael Joe, did you take money from him?
23:40If Mr. Waterhouse will sign these papers, we can all go back on his train.
23:45Mr. Waterhouse examined the train thoroughly.
23:47The engine is an 1891 Rogers.
23:49Yes. Authentic in every detail.
23:51Mr. Waterhouse is looking for an 1890 Porter.
23:54What? But you both...
23:55And tell that scoundrel Bedloe I may have him arrested for fraud.
23:59Good idea, sir.
24:00But Mr. Waterhouse, sir...
24:01Tell him to shut up.
24:04Shut up.
24:05Shut up.
24:06Shut up.
24:07Shut up.
24:08Shut up.
24:09Shut up.
24:10Shut up.
24:11Shut up.
24:12Shut up.
24:13Shut up.
24:17Well, we better get out of here before he tries to sell me the Brooklyn Bridge.
24:21Bye, Mrs. Bradley.
24:23Bye, Mr. Waterhouse.
24:25Tell the others goodbye.
24:27Goodbye.
24:32Did you hear that, Kate? We're still in business.
24:35How do you like that, Bedloe?
24:37Trying to skin that nice millionaire.
24:39I gotta learn to have more confidence in my first impressions.
25:09Petticoat Junction
25:35This has been a Filmways presentation.