Category
😹
AmusantTranscription
00:00 (upbeat music)
00:02 (upbeat music)
00:05 (upbeat music)
00:10 (upbeat music)
00:15 (upbeat music)
00:19 (bell ringing)
00:23 (upbeat music)
00:31 (upbeat music)
00:34 (gagging)
00:37 - Grandma, you put the cookies back in breakfast.
00:45 - Oh my goodness, the time.
00:52 I am field tripping in an hour
00:53 and I can't remember any good songs for the bus.
00:56 Now what does that John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt do again?
01:00 - He goes out, people shout.
01:02 Not a whole lot more is known about him.
01:05 - I'm sorry honey,
01:06 but I don't have time to cook you breakfast.
01:08 Here, promise me that you'll eat two bowls.
01:11 It is the most important meal of the day.
01:13 - Okay.
01:14 I love you, Grandma.
01:18 - Morning, son.
01:27 Did your mom have time to cook you breakfast
01:29 before she left?
01:30 - No.
01:31 - Oh, geez.
01:32 We got any cereal?
01:34 - I believe we do.
01:35 - What is that, oatmeal?
01:39 Ugh, better put some sugar on that.
01:42 - All right, now as you all know,
01:48 Mother's Day is coming up
01:49 and I thought it might be fun
01:51 to talk about some of the famous moms
01:53 throughout history who--
01:54 - Owned slaves.
01:56 - Uh, no.
01:58 What I was going to--
01:59 - Going to say?
02:01 - Yes, what I was going to say.
02:04 - Going to say, going to say,
02:05 we heard the preview, now get to the feature.
02:07 - Bobby. - Bobby.
02:08 - Bobby. - Bobby.
02:09 - Bobby. - Bobby.
02:10 - Bobby. - Bobby.
02:11 - I think you better see the nurse.
02:13 - Okay.
02:14 - Mr. Hill, I've diagnosed your son
02:19 with attention deficit disorder.
02:21 He's probably had it for years.
02:23 - What?
02:24 Well, how come nobody ever noticed this before?
02:27 - Very few people have access to the pamphlets I do.
02:31 Here, take one.
02:32 - You know, I have noticed the boy's mind wanders
02:37 sometimes when I'm lecturing him.
02:39 A mental disorder would explain that.
02:42 - Personally, I recommend putting him
02:44 on one of the many popular ADD medications now available.
02:49 - I don't like the idea of putting my boy on drugs.
02:53 Isn't there some kind of operation?
02:55 - Your only other option is to send him
02:58 to the special school across town.
03:00 He'll have to wear a uniform.
03:02 Can he button his own shirt?
03:05 - You bastards.
03:06 Ritalin, Siler, Tofranil, Desopramine,
03:13 all sounds like goof-a-thal to me.
03:17 - What if this is all my fault?
03:19 A mother should be there for her baby
03:20 when he's in trouble, not halfway across town.
03:23 - Oh, sure, I'm a hot shot substitute teacher,
03:27 but sometimes I don't even have time
03:28 to make my own son breakfast.
03:31 - Huh.
03:32 Well, it is called attention deficit disorder.
03:36 Maybe the boy's not getting enough attention.
03:38 - Sometimes I think I should just quit my job
03:44 and devote myself full-time to being a mother.
03:46 But, you know, what am I saying?
03:50 Quit my job?
03:51 That's crazy talk.
03:52 - Now, wait a minute, Peggy.
03:54 Crazy is a very strong word.
03:56 You're just thinking out loud.
03:58 Bobby's crazy.
04:00 - But I just couldn't turn my back on my career like that.
04:03 - I'll tell you what, Peggy.
04:04 My own mom never worked in her life.
04:07 Home, that's what mattered to her,
04:09 and she just kept making it stronger every day
04:12 until the divorce.
04:14 - Well, I will save some money
04:16 on faculty room football pools,
04:19 and I can get another year out of these glasses.
04:22 Maybe we can try it a little while, for Bobby's sake.
04:26 Hank, if you'll support me on this, baby, I'll do it.
04:30 - Now, the main thing is not to worry.
04:35 What you have is, well, technically, they call it a disease.
04:40 - A disease?
04:42 - But not a regular disease like you get in your body.
04:46 It's a much more rare disease in your brain.
04:52 Now, I know we've talked a lot
04:54 about how you should never do drugs,
04:57 but from now on, you'll be taking medication
05:00 after every meal.
05:01 - So, do I smoke it or snort it or what?
05:05 - It's a pill, Bobby.
05:07 - So, I guess I'll just pop it then.
05:10 - You will not pop it.
05:12 You will place it in your mouth.
05:14 - Bobby, do you know who I am?
05:18 I'm Lou Anne.
05:21 Do you remember?
05:22 - He has ADD, Lou Anne.
05:25 He didn't get hit in the head with a coconut.
05:27 - Here you go, my little angel.
05:31 Now that I'm not working, I had time to make you pancakes,
05:35 and we've got eggs and bacon
05:37 arranged in one of three facial expressions,
05:39 depending upon your mood.
05:41 - Well, I guess I'll take happy,
05:44 as in happy about this old-fashioned family breakfast.
05:50 I better go soon, or I'm gonna miss my bus.
05:54 Oh, but I may...
05:57 - Well, Bobby, this is it.
05:59 You're gonna take your first pill now,
06:02 and in about a half hour,
06:03 you should find yourself real interested
06:05 in stuff that would normally bore the pants off you.
06:09 - Round and round and round it goes.
06:16 When he eats it, nobody knows.
06:20 (scoffs)
06:22 - Well, what have we here?
06:24 - Just pop the pill, Bobby.
06:26 - Feel anything yet?
06:30 - Starting to.
06:31 (pills rattling)
06:36 - Anyway, and then after I sent him off to school,
06:47 I did a bunch of errands, and I still had time
06:50 to submit a quotable quote to Reader's Digest.
06:53 Some people like to stay as busy as a bee,
06:57 but I like to stay as busy as a bee plus.
07:01 (laughing)
07:03 But you know, I almost worry I have too much time now.
07:08 - That can be a problem, Peg.
07:11 - Myself, I clip coupons.
07:14 I think we'd all go a little crazy without coupons.
07:18 (laughing)
07:20 - Oh, funny.
07:25 - There are 96 ridges on every checker,
07:36 except this one.
07:39 - Family game time, I love it.
07:44 - So how was your day, Peggy?
07:46 - Well, I bought an ice cube tray.
07:48 Then I took it back.
07:51 - Well, I tell you what, I think I may get out the guitar
07:54 and have a family sing-along tonight,
07:57 just like we used to that one time.
08:00 Just gotta drop by Earl's and get Betsy some new strings.
08:04 - You're leaving the house?
08:05 - You don't have to come, Peggy.
08:07 I'm sure you've had a full day.
08:08 You just stay here and relax.
08:10 - Let's go!
08:13 - Hmm, funny.
08:15 I never saw Peggy as the stay-at-home type.
08:17 - Well, she's got two full-time jobs now,
08:20 wife and mother.
08:22 It's longer hours and less pay,
08:24 but you don't hear me complaining.
08:26 (laughing)
08:28 Seriously, though, we're loving it.
08:30 (bell ringing)
08:33 (clock ticking)
08:38 (gentle music)
08:44 (clicking)
08:45 - Hmm.
08:46 - So, you know a few chords already, then?
08:50 - Huh?
08:51 Oh, yes.
08:52 I have picked up a couple from my husband and that.
08:55 (gasping)
08:56 Is that a tattoo?
08:57 - Uh-huh, you like it?
08:59 - Do I like it?
09:00 (laughing)
09:02 Oh, my.
09:03 - So, what makes you wanna play music, Peggy?
09:07 - Well, my husband and I recently had to make a choice
09:09 between our child and my career.
09:12 And it's left me with some time to feel.
09:14 - Feeling time.
09:15 Yeah, that's what I thought I was doing
09:17 when I started playing music.
09:19 Turned out I was really looking for a voice to scream with.
09:23 - Well, I don't know if my husband would appreciate
09:25 screaming in the house, but let's see.
09:28 (screaming)
09:30 Well, he might have to get used to it.
09:33 (screaming)
09:35 (gentle music)
09:41 (sizzling)
09:43 - There's some milk in the fridge that's about to go bad.
09:48 And there it goes.
09:51 - Mm, I wish I had those Miracle Smart pills.
09:57 - You know, the way Peggy's been baking,
09:59 there won't be a windowsill in our house
10:02 that doesn't have a pie cooling on it.
10:04 I tell you, family values are in again at the Hill House.
10:09 - Yeah, you're a lucky man, Hank.
10:11 You know, my ex-wife, she was a careerist, you know,
10:14 and one day I had to say to her,
10:16 "Honey, make a choice.
10:18 It's either me or the motivational poster industry."
10:22 Boy, I wish I hadn't said that.
10:25 - You know what the root of the problem is, don't you?
10:28 Feminism.
10:30 Gloria Steinbrenner, that's what started it.
10:33 Gerald Ford should have killed her when he had the chance.
10:39 (guitar music)
10:42 - Hey, I'm looking for the Hill House.
10:44 - The Hank Hill House?
10:46 - The Peggy Hill House.
10:49 I'm her guitar teacher.
10:50 - Oh, just go right around to the front.
10:53 - I thought you said family values were in at your house.
10:58 - Yeah, that gal there, she dressed kind of pro-choice.
11:02 - Here's one for practicing C and G.
11:04 You said you wanted stuff with strong lyrics?
11:06 - That's right, but no cursing
11:09 and no cop killing.
11:10 I'm sorry, but that is just how I was raised.
11:13 - Well, maybe you ought to try writing
11:14 a song of your own, Peggy.
11:16 I bet a woman in your situation would have a lot to say.
11:19 - And what situation is that?
11:21 - Well, you know, having to give up your life's work
11:24 to make things easier for the rest of your family.
11:26 - Yeah, I suppose a situation like that
11:28 should make me want to sing.
11:30 Oh, come to think of it, yesterday,
11:32 the oddest little tune popped into my head.
11:35 Sort of silly, but well, you'll tell me
11:38 if you think there's something to it.
11:39 (clears throat)
11:41 ♪ There once was a turtle that lived in her shell ♪
11:46 ♪ The shell was her home and her prison as well ♪
11:52 - Whoa, there's definitely something to that.
11:58 - Really?
11:59 Well, thank you.
12:00 You know, I had a feeling it was very, very good.
12:03 Every girl band deserves funding.
12:07 - Great, I will remember that.
12:09 - So your guitar teacher looks pretty interesting.
12:12 And by interesting, I mean weird.
12:15 - Well, she is weird.
12:17 And by weird, I mean interesting.
12:19 I invited her over for dinner tomorrow.
12:21 - What?
12:22 Now why in the world would you do something like that?
12:25 - Well, because she has a tattoo, Hank.
12:27 Don't you think a girl like that could use a home-cooked meal?
12:30 (Hank sighs)
12:34 You know, Emily, Hank plays guitar too.
12:37 He has a Guild Solid Top 1963.
12:40 - Wow, so how come you're practicing
12:42 on that old plywood one, Peggy?
12:44 - Oh, I wouldn't think of touching Betsy.
12:47 - You named your guitar Betsy?
12:49 - Yep, it's one of my most precious possessions.
12:53 - Interesting.
12:55 When's my next pill?
12:59 - Not until after dinner, honey.
13:01 - I'm gonna take a little nap, please.
13:04 Paying attention all day tires me out.
13:08 (Hank snores)
13:11 - So, Emily, Peggy tells me
13:14 you've been helping her write music,
13:16 working with her and putting ideas in her head and such.
13:20 - You know, I was thinking about that turtle song of yours.
13:25 If you come up with a few more verses,
13:27 you could sing it at my Mother's Day recital.
13:29 - You mean in front of people?
13:31 Oh, well, I do miss performing.
13:33 - That's what a teacher is, you know, just a great performer.
13:36 It's one of the reasons children love school.
13:38 - Yeah, the recital's a pretty casual thing.
13:41 Me and some of my students take over the back room at Earl's,
13:44 drink some wine, play some songs,
13:46 just kind of take a little pot shot at the holiday.
13:48 - Why would anyone want to take a pot shot at Mother's Day?
13:52 - Well, it's kind of bizarre, don't you think?
13:55 The greeting card companies invented this holiday in 1914,
13:59 and now the whole country celebrates another stereotype
14:02 of what women are supposed to be.
14:04 - You're not married, are you, Emily?
14:07 - So this recital, what time would it be?
14:09 - Don't answer that.
14:10 We already have plans for Mother's Day.
14:13 Peggy's starting an exciting new life as a homemaker,
14:16 and to celebrate, we are having brunch.
14:19 - But brunch can be almost any time, can it?
14:22 I mean, that's the magic of brunch.
14:24 - But not just brunch either.
14:26 It's gonna be a whole day
14:27 where you won't have to lift a finger.
14:30 - Just let us take care of everything.
14:32 - So she won't have to use her brain at all, then?
14:35 - That's right.
14:36 - Interesting.
14:38 Oh, well, Bobby, it's time for your next pill.
14:41 (Bobby groans)
14:44 ♪ The turtle got frightened ♪
14:51 ♪ And wanted to hide ♪
14:58 ♪ So she tucked her head into the safety inside ♪
15:03 - Hank, you are groaning every time I sing a line.
15:14 - Oh, am I?
15:15 I'm sorry.
15:16 - Do you like my song?
15:20 - Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not so sure I get it.
15:24 - Well, there's nothing to get.
15:25 It's just a song about a turtle.
15:27 - Yeah, but I think I know something about music
15:30 having listened to it a lot.
15:32 And I tell you one thing,
15:34 you need to put something upbeat in there.
15:36 - Upbeat?
15:37 No, no, that would never work in this song.
15:39 - Sure it would.
15:40 You just tack something on at the end where it all works out.
15:44 For instance, the girl turtle could meet a guy turtle
15:47 and fall in love.
15:49 See, then the song is really about something.
15:51 Can you see that?
15:52 - Oh, please.
15:54 That is so old-fashioned, Hank.
15:56 - Yes, old-fashioned as in good.
15:59 (Hank gasps)
16:02 - Luan's home.
16:04 - I just don't understand why you have to keep singing
16:09 that depressing turtle song.
16:12 - I don't know either, Hank, but I do.
16:14 I feel very strange lately.
16:17 Last night, I dreamt we had 20 children.
16:20 - Peggy, you know I can't give you more children.
16:24 I have a narrow urethra.
16:26 - Hank, I don't think that's what it meant at all.
16:29 - Well, forgive me,
16:30 but I don't know what anything means anymore.
16:32 I thought we agreed to take a big step backwards together,
16:37 but it sounds like you'd rather play punk music
16:40 with your hippie friends on boring old mother's day.
16:43 - Well, it is my day.
16:44 I should be able to do whatever I want.
16:47 - Not whatever you want.
16:49 You can't kill a man.
16:51 Then you'd end up in prison.
16:54 And with that attitude, they'll put you in the hole.
16:56 (dramatic music)
16:59 - Happy Mother's Day, Mom.
17:03 I wish I was there to shake your hand in person.
17:05 - So where are you kids having brunch today?
17:08 Luli's?
17:09 Jobo's?
17:09 - We're not doing brunch, Mom.
17:11 Peggy decided she'd rather go to a rock concert.
17:15 - On Mother's Day?
17:16 Why?
17:17 - I don't know.
17:19 Peggy's just not like you, I guess.
17:21 You devoted your whole life to raising me,
17:24 and let's be honest, you loved every second of it.
17:28 - Well, actually, Hank, I took odd jobs,
17:30 you know, as often as I could, just to get out of the house.
17:33 Don't you remember that year I drove a taxi?
17:36 - No.
17:37 Oh, wait a minute.
17:38 I remember you had a yellow car when I was little.
17:41 - Oh, Hank, I gotta go.
17:44 Gary's here with my Mother's Day present.
17:46 - But wait, Mom.
17:47 - I love you too, honey.
17:48 Gotta go.
17:50 (door creaks)
17:51 - I hope you like it.
17:52 (laughs)
17:53 I can't return it.
17:55 - I tried to study for my beauty exam,
17:57 but I couldn't concentrate.
17:59 And then I tried to figure out why, and I got bored.
18:04 - You must have caught my ADD.
18:07 And I know when, too.
18:08 It was that time I sneezed in your face.
18:11 - Oh, I don't remember that.
18:14 - Well, you were asleep.
18:17 - Bobby, I've got a test tomorrow morning,
18:20 or afternoon, or evening, or something.
18:22 Bobby, I need that pill!
18:24 (dramatic music)
18:27 - Hey, man, Hank, I tell you, man,
18:36 you remember this little old lady right here, man?
18:39 - I certainly do.
18:40 Happy Mother's Day, Mrs. Boomhauer.
18:43 - Yeah, I tell you what, Hank,
18:44 I've come out here like the YouTube
18:46 and the dang old Ruxville.
18:48 I'll raise this boy right in this little old ding,
18:50 just like the best dang day of the year.
18:53 (engine rumbling)
18:54 (Hank sighs)
18:56 (dramatic music)
19:02 (Hank groans)
19:07 (door slams)
19:09 (Hank sighs)
19:12 (dramatic music)
19:15 (Hank sighs)
19:17 (dramatic music)
19:20 (Hank laughs)
19:29 (dramatic music)
19:41 ♪ I met a guy in my boxing class ♪
19:45 ♪ I slept with him before I kicked his ass ♪
19:50 (crowd cheering)
19:53 - Crowdy crowd.
19:55 - Just remember, Peggy, you came here
19:57 'cause you have something to say,
19:59 and it might be complex.
20:00 - Turtles are complex, yes they are.
20:02 - But when you say something from the heart,
20:04 it always comes out right.
20:06 - That was quotably quoted, my friend, quotably quoted.
20:10 (crowd cheering)
20:12 - Hi, Mom.
20:17 - Bobby, honey, what are you doing here?
20:20 - Well, we figured today was your special day,
20:23 and since you're singing a special song,
20:27 we thought you should have a special guitar to play it on.
20:31 - Betsy.
20:31 (gentle music)
20:38 - Hey, I want you to give a lot of support
20:40 to our next artist, Peggy Hill, everybody.
20:43 (crowd cheering)
20:46 Peggy's here to sing a song about how a woman feels
20:49 when the world tells her who she has to be.
20:52 - Huh?
20:53 Oh, no, actually, I'm singing the one
20:55 about the turtle that's stuck in her shell.
20:57 (crowd laughing)
21:00 And I'd like to dedicate this to my husband.
21:03 (crowd cheering)
21:08 ♪ There once was a turtle who lived in her shell ♪
21:13 ♪ The shell was her home and her prison as well ♪
21:18 (crowd cheering)
21:21 ♪ One day she got frightened, she wanted to hide ♪
21:27 ♪ So she tucked her head into the safety inside ♪
21:32 (crowd cheering)
21:37 ♪ But then came a moment of terrible doubt ♪
21:42 ♪ She could not find any head hole to poke out ♪
21:47 - Get rid of that control freak.
21:51 (crowd cheering)
21:54 - I thought the song was just about a turtle, Dad.
21:59 - Yeah, I did too.
22:03 - I'm sorry, I'm just a little bit flustered.
22:06 (crowd cheering)
22:09 - You can do it, Peggy, from the heart.
22:17 (gentle music)
22:20 ♪ But a miracle saved her ♪
22:27 ♪ Before her heart sang ♪
22:32 ♪ The magical love of a turtle named Peggy ♪
22:37 Thank you.
22:45 - Yeah.
22:48 - Oh, man, kinda copped out at the end there, didn't she?
22:52 - Now that gal can write music.
22:56 (gentle music)
22:59 - Maybe the problem is you've got too much mother in you.
23:03 - Oh, go on.
23:04 - One kid was plenty for my mom, but you're different.
23:08 If you're not nurturing 20, 30 kids at once,
23:11 you start to lose your edge,
23:12 and how's that good for the boy?
23:15 - Well, maybe I could try teaching again.
23:18 - Sure, and in the meantime,
23:20 we can keep Bobby on the medicine.
23:22 I tell you, today I really noticed his behavior improve.
23:27 - I didn't take my medicine today.
23:30 - What?
23:31 - Why not, honey?
23:32 - 'Cause Luann needed it, badly.
23:35 And anyway, I can't take the rush anymore.
23:38 It's too fast and like, freezy.
23:41 You know, it's like, bleh.
23:42 (upbeat music)
23:46 - Welcome home.
23:49 I cooked you brunch and I changed your car
23:50 and I fixed your mower and I ate the brunch.
23:53 - Hmm, maybe we should read a little more
23:55 about that medicine hike.
23:57 - Yeah, couldn't hurt.
23:59 (upbeat music)
24:03 (upbeat music)
24:19 (upbeat music)
24:21 (bell ringing)
24:41 (upbeat music)
24:45 (upbeat music)
24:48 (upbeat music)