King Of The Hill Season 7 Episode 23 The Witches Of East Arlen
Category
🦄
CreativityTranscript
00:00 "Budding Thespians of TLMS, I give you the cast list of Oklahoma."
00:07 "I'm a dance number."
00:11 "It will be an honor to work with you. I think you'll find my portrayal of Curly to be both sensitive and gruff. Now where are you, Curly? Ah, hello there. Ken Hayashi?"
00:29 "Sorry, Bobby. Kenny just has a certain rootin' tootin' quality about him. His brother had it too."
00:36 "Yee-haw!"
00:38 "Wonderful!"
00:40 "Let's get a move on. I want to get to the flea market while the tube sock guy's still there."
00:49 "Oh, Hank, just cut the pom-poms off and wear a pair of mine. Our boy is just sulking in bed in his pajamas and a cowboy hat."
00:57 "You know, if you ask me, there might be a silver lining to him not being a dancing cowboy."
01:03 "Hank, we both know he is not like you, but you are still his father. So go in there and sympathize with him."
01:10 "It's just, the tube sock guy always brings that old German shepherd, and if it gets too hot, I know he's gonna have to take him home."
01:26 "I just can't believe it. I thought it was meant to be."
01:31 "Yeah, I know. I know. It's terrible. Just terrible. Terrible. It's a beautiful day out there.
01:40 Why don't you get dressed, throw out that hat and go hang out with your friends?"
01:45 "I can't. Jo's is at football practice and Connie's at one of her recitals. They've both got things they're good at."
01:54 "I always thought performing was my thing. You've seen me fall down. I can cry on demand."
02:02 "Why?"
02:07 "See?"
02:09 "Well, we just need to find you a new thing. A cool new thing, and I know just the place to find it."
02:19 "Ah, le marché des fleurs. C'est comme l'arrivée américaine. Tu sais, quelque part dans tout ça, c'est le nouveau toi, mon fils.
02:28 Hey, un moteur de l'aumône. Prends un truc d'aile et un vieux rouleau de conduite et tu pourrais être le gars de la go-kart."
02:36 "Oh, viens, c'est pas si chaud."
02:41 "Viens, prends une course. Vois ce que tu as."
02:46 "Hey, what are those?"
02:49 "Oh, those are tarot cards. People use them to tell the future."
02:53 "They're like baseball cards for hobbits. I'll take 'em."
02:58 "Hey, Bobby, ready to roll? Oh, so you found something."
03:04 "Yeah, I bought these really cool cards."
03:07 "Well, all right, Bobby. I'll take 'em."
03:10 "Hey, Bobby, ready to roll? Oh, so you found something."
03:13 "Yeah, I bought these really cool cards."
03:16 "Well, all right, Bobby. Everybody respects a guy who's good at cards."
03:20 "Really?"
03:21 "Oh, sure. That's why they always get nicknames like Amarillo Slim or the Cincinnati Kid. I know, I'll call you Ace."
03:32 "Now focus all your energy on this card and it will foretell your future.
03:38 It means advantage, profit, success."
03:43 "Boy, hey, that's great. Things have been going pretty well for me. You know, with my girlfriend, Leoma, and..."
03:51 "Oh, wait. It's upside down. That means something.
03:55 Pain, affliction, tears, sadness, desolation."
04:01 "Desolation..."
04:07 "For the love of Mordecai."
04:09 "Oh, I see you're into tarot. How long have you divined the cards?"
04:17 "Couple of days. It's kind of my thing."
04:20 "The only thing you can predict with these is a coincidence.
04:26 No, if you want any accuracy at all, you need a Mantegna deck, or at least a Fibia."
04:32 "Huh? Sounds like you really know what you're talking about."
04:36 "Yeah, sounds like. As a 14th level sorcerer, I'd be a joke if I didn't."
04:43 "Of course, forecasting the future is just the beginning.
04:47 The real power of magic, and that's magic with a CK, comes in manipulating the present."
04:54 "Ward! I told you to clean that bathroom a half hour ago!"
04:58 "I'm right on it, chief."
05:03 "Hey, I want to learn more about this stuff."
05:07 "Listen, young friend. Do not let anyone see this address.
05:12 Arrive exactly at the stroke of four."
05:15 "Ward!"
05:16 "And bring some potato chips."
05:18 "Today, Merlin!"
05:20 "Damn it, Dale, you gotta stop painting your house number on my curb."
05:32 "Sorry, Hank, but I gotta lay low for a while.
05:35 You have no idea how far the jackals at the Franklin Mint will go to collect the debt."
05:41 "Is it okay if I'm a little late for dinner? My friend Ward invited me to a gathering."
05:47 "Gee, Bobby, you put me in an awkward position. You really should be asking your father."
05:54 "Who's this Ward fella?"
05:56 "I met him at the video store. He saw my card pouch and we got to talking.
06:01 So, I'm gonna hang out with him and his friends tonight. I'm bringing the chips."
06:06 "Well, see, Bobby, I knew you'd find your thing.
06:09 And doesn't that sound like more fun than being in a musical about Oklahoma?"
06:14 "Welcome to the coven of Artemis!"
06:29 "Wow, cool lair."
06:32 "I suppose introductions are in order. Bobby, meet Bond.
06:37 Noram Woodbender, Pan the soothsayer.
06:40 And of course, the master of disaster, Mitchell Jefferson."
06:44 "You can't just bring outsiders to our meetings."
06:47 "It's okay, Mitchell, he's cool."
06:50 "You're supposed to..."
06:51 "I said he's cool!"
06:55 "Welcome."
06:58 "Bobby, be forewarned. Because of the powers of the coven, people fear us.
07:03 When we walk down the streets, mothers steer their babies away.
07:07 Shopkeepers close their stores."
07:10 "Holy, this looks like something out of Harry Potter."
07:14 "Dude, I just vouched for you."
07:17 "Uh, if Harry Potter went to... hell..."
07:22 "Hmm."
07:25 "This, Bobby, is nutmeg. And we use the spice for..."
07:34 "Um, oh, I remember, give me a second. Invincibility."
07:40 "Resplendent! The spices sit easily upon you."
07:45 "Oh, I see you boys are making a cake."
07:49 "A cake?"
07:52 "Yeah, a cake of tremendous power."
07:56 "Score one for the acolyte!"
08:01 "Bumble, Joseph, dribble."
08:04 "As much as I hate seeing my boy play badly, I do enjoy hearing his name over the loudspeaker."
08:10 "Sorry, but I gotta blow off the last quarter. I told the guys I'd meet them in the parking lot."
08:16 "No wind to hold 'em, Ace."
08:19 "Go get 'em, shuffles."
08:21 "Uh-oh, Ace is gonna need this."
08:24 "Hey, any of you kids seen Bobby Hill? Blonde hair, card player? Hmm."
08:33 "Oh, that's okay, he must be tailgating over there."
08:42 "Forces of fire, beings of the south, we command you to rise and lend us your power!"
08:49 "Interloper!"
08:50 "What the hell are you people doing?"
08:52 "Hey, Dad!"
08:53 "Bobby?"
08:54 "Meet the guys, or as we like to call ourselves, the Coven of Artemis."
09:01 "Bwah!"
09:05 "Here I am thinking you're playing a nice, honest game of poker and instead you're summoning the Prince of Dragons?"
09:13 "Check out the dork!"
09:15 "Shit, I got it to the clock!"
09:17 "Hey, it's Yoda!"
09:18 "You can't play poker with these cards, Dad. That's a good way to bring down the wrath of lewd."
09:25 "It's all here in the book I bought."
09:28 "Forty-five dollars? The family Bible cost less than that and it was written by Jesus!"
09:35 "Yeah, but this book tells you how to summon wood nymphs and water sprites."
09:40 "All right, look, I know you're at an age where you think all this stuff is interesting, but believe me, it really isn't."
09:47 "But you told me to find a new thing, and then when I do, you just want to take it away from me. They're my circle of power."
09:56 "Believe me, Bobby, I'm doing it for your own good. Now, we're not going to tell your mother about this."
10:02 "I know she shields me from a lot of the things you do, and, well, I'm going to return the favor on this one."
10:09 "Harness the energy of the crystal."
10:14 "Well done, Noram! Your powers are growing stronger."
10:26 "Hey, guys."
10:28 "Ah, young apprentice, something is on your mind. I can sense it."
10:34 "My dad says I can't hang out with you guys anymore. I guess he thinks magic is dumb."
10:41 "Magic is dumb? Does this look dumb?"
10:45 "Don't make me come over there!"
10:48 "Noram, are you trying to get a skit going?"
10:51 "Sorry."
10:53 "Bobby, the problem with your father is, he's ungifted. Our kind have always been persecuted by those who understand not."
11:02 "From the Salem Trials of the 1600s to the locker room beatings and bathroom swirlies of today, 'tis all one."
11:10 "So that's why my dad is so weird about this. He's threatened by my parents."
11:17 "Bobby, the mark of Merlin is upon you. When you have completed your training, you will be a white wizard."
11:25 "Really? Wow! What do I have to do? When can I start?"
11:30 "Hmm, your training begins now. You can start by refilling my root beer."
11:37 "It was wise that you came to me, but I have to go."
11:43 "It was wise that you came to me, but be forewarned that I am merely the vessel through which the powers flow."
11:52 "Are you going to help us get our kickball off the roof?"
11:55 "Silence! By the breath of Hecate's, I summon the winds of the north to blow. Blow, I say!"
12:04 "Bobby, a word, please."
12:12 "Resplendent."
12:14 "Before we get started, I'd like to know the proper term for your religion. You know, what's a politically correct term for which?"
12:23 "Hank, what is going on here?"
12:25 "Uh, nothing. Bobby just got a little carried away with this new club, but there's nothing to worry about. He's quitting."
12:33 "I think everyone's just a little uptight. Why don't I summon up a tranquility spirit so we can all rest easy?"
12:41 "Old powers of ancient bull are doomed."
12:45 "I can't have him praying in my office. School board's very clear on that."
12:49 "He's not praying, and he's stopping right now."
12:53 "Hank, I may be a mother, but I am still a woman, and I know a girl repellent when I see it."
13:00 "I want grandchildren! Will you fix this?"
13:10 "Uh, Mr. Rackley?"
13:12 "Yes?"
13:13 "Yeah, I'd like to have a word with you about your son Ward. You see, he and my boy Bobby are playmates and..."
13:19 "Excuse me, but I'm Ward Rackley."
13:22 "You're Ward Rackley?"
13:24 "It's one of my many monitors, yes. I'm also known as Mandelgar of the Northwoods, and in certain company, Austin Osman Straklabartard."
13:33 "How old are you? 30? 40?"
13:37 "Uh, not even close. I am 5,000."
13:41 "Don't you have some friends your own age? Someone to drink with? Maybe a girlfriend?"
13:46 "And waste my seed on a common harlot? Not likely!"
13:51 "When the time is right, a maiden will be delivered up to me. Probably from the East."
13:56 "Some of this isn't your fault. I mean, a man can only take so many wedgies before he goes to pieces."
14:04 "Good luck to you, buddy. And stay away from my son or I'll kick your ass."
14:09 "You don't understand who you threaten. I have powers. Terrible powers!"
14:17 "Ma!"
14:22 "Okay, we tried it your way. Now you're doing it my way."
14:28 "This is a carburetor. Take it apart, put it back together, repeat until you're normal."
14:35 "But Dad, the dark arts are nothing to be afraid of."
14:39 "I'm not afraid of that garbage. I'm afraid of you getting your ass kicked every day for the rest of your life because you found a new way to act like a nerd."
14:49 "Ward said you wouldn't understand."
14:52 "Bobby, you don't need a crystal ball to see Ward's future. He's gonna live with his mother until she dies, and maybe for a few weeks after."
15:01 "Now, until you stop with all this nonsense, I want you to take your carburetor and go to your room."
15:09 *Soupir*
15:10 "I know my dad must have come off as some kind of nutjob, but you've got to believe I'm completely committed to our power circle."
15:31 "Are you? I wonder. I think you'd be able to control your father as effectively as I control Mother."
15:38 "Nevertheless, Bobby's daddy has shown us that persecution of our kind is on the rise."
15:46 "Perhaps it's time to take our powers to the next level."
15:50 "Yes, thank you!"
15:51 "Tonight, we are going to kick it up a notch and summon a dread force that will bestow upon us unequalled power."
15:59 "And of course, we'll need someone to be the chalice holder."
16:04 "I'll do it."
16:09 "Excellent, my young apprentice. You'll learn that white wizard cone yet."
16:14 "We will convene at the ceremony grounds at half past the eighth hour, assuming that fatass lets me leave on time."
16:22 "Cool. So, uh, what does the chalice holder do anyway?"
16:28 "You hold the chalice during the incantation, then right after we light the candles, you drink caninus spiritus!"
16:36 "What's caninus spiritus?"
16:39 "Dog blood."
16:40 "What?"
16:41 "You are the chosen one, Bobby. Soon and for all time, you will be known throughout the land as Robert the Dog Quaffer."
16:51 "Have you, uh, checked out John Redcorn's New Age Healing Center? You really should."
17:05 "On Friday nights, John Redcorn and his band, Big Mountain Fudge Cake, will be playing."
17:10 "I'm John Redcorn."
17:12 "I told you, no more flyers."
17:14 "Hey Bobby, you like a rock?"
17:18 "Huh? I'm just reading up on ancient ceremonies where people had to drink animal blood. Ugh, there's got to be a loophole somewhere."
17:28 "You're losing me."
17:30 "You can't tell anyone this. Promise me?"
17:34 "Bobby, I give you my oath as a New Age Healer."
17:37 "Okay, this group of guys I hang with, we're doing a ceremony tonight, and they want me to drink the dog blood."
17:47 "Dog? Ugh, that's just weird."
17:50 "I have to do it. I can't do theater, I can't do sports. If I can't drink something gross, what have I got?"
18:00 "I had a breakthrough last night with my fruit rehydrator. Can you believe a mere 12 hours ago, these plump luscious grapes were raisins."
18:11 "Ink, there's something that I think you should know. Something very personal and disturbing."
18:19 "Sounds like we should leave."
18:23 "What is it, John Redcorn? Bobby's going to drink dog blood."
18:29 "What? It's part of some ceremony his friends have cooked up, and it's going down tonight."
18:34 "No goddang way. I'm not going to let Bobby be branded a freak for the rest of his life."
18:40 "Before we get started, a debt of gratitude is owed to Brother Vaughn for procuring the offering."
18:59 "My mom's new boyfriend's a veterinarian. He lets me call him Rick."
19:04 "Resplendent. Now, everyone, if you would all be so good as to take your positions on the pentagram."
19:14 "Uh, Ward, a pentagram has five points, but there's only four bases."
19:22 "Why do you always test me, Mitchell?" "Just go stand at shortstop."
19:28 "We don't have your cat." "I'm looking for my son Bobby. Is Ward there?"
19:40 "Well, his bicycle isn't here, so he must be gone. Wanna come in?"
19:46 "Oh, whoops."
19:50 "We humbly come before you to ask for your magnificent strength and wisdom."
19:58 "All right, everybody, party's over. Oh, sorry, I'm looking for a bunch of warlocks."
20:14 "Warlocks?" "You know, nerds in capes and stuff."
20:19 "Oh, yeah, we kicked them out about an hour ago. The tall guy geeked hard. I cast a spell on his ass with my foot."
20:28 "And now, in the melding of our joint world, our white wizard will ingest the elixir, Caninus Spiritus."
20:40 "White wizard, white wizard, white wizard."
20:45 "Bobby, now. Do it now." "Uh, I don't know if I'm ready for this."
20:57 "Every gifted one passes through the bog of doubt. Now do it."
21:06 "I can't." "You have to." "Do it now, before the moon wanes."
21:11 "Yeah, yeah, yes, right, before the moon wanes." "I'm sorry, I just can't do it. It's gross."
21:19 "Then we will have to destroy you."
21:33 *chants in Latin*
21:53 *chants in Latin*
21:58 *chants in Latin*
22:03 *chants in Latin*
22:09 *chants in Latin*
22:13 *chants in Latin*
22:16 *chants in Latin*
22:20 *chants in Latin*
22:24 *chants in Latin*
22:28 *chants in Latin*
22:32 *chants in Latin*
22:36 *chants in Latin*
22:41 *chants in Latin*
22:44 *chants in Latin*
22:48 *chants in Latin*
22:52 *chants in Latin*
22:56 *chants in Latin*
23:00 *chants in Latin*
23:04 *chants in Latin*
23:09 *chants en anglais*
23:12 *chants en anglais*
23:16 *chants en anglais*
23:20 *chants en anglais*
23:24 *chants en anglais*
23:28 *chants en anglais*
23:32 *chants en anglais*
23:37 *chants en anglais*
23:41 *musique rock*
23:44 *musique rock*
23:47 *musique rock*
23:50 *musique rock*
23:54 *musique rock*
23:58 *musique rock*
24:02 *musique rock*
24:06 *musique rock*
24:10 *musique rock*