We are not here to shame or disciminate against covert narcissists as we are a channel to promote mental wellness awareness, and self education. However, if you're wondering if the person you are talking to might be secretly a narcissist, then this video may help. Recognizing toxic behaviours or signs that your close ones might be a narcissist could help us in terms of bringing awareness to the relationship so that a better course of action can be decided.
Source: Psych2Go
Source: Psych2Go
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00:00 The word narcissist typically brings to mind
00:02 someone who loudly brags about themselves
00:04 and craves attention.
00:05 But did you know that there's another kind of narcissist
00:07 who is just as manipulative and arrogant,
00:10 but harder to spot?
00:11 They're called covert narcissists.
00:14 Unlike the more obvious and grandiose type of narcissist
00:16 who flaunts their ego openly,
00:18 covert narcissists do it in a subtle and sneaky way.
00:22 They hide their self-absorption and superiority complex
00:25 behind a facade of humility, shyness, or even victimhood.
00:29 So we created a video to help you identify
00:32 covert narcissistic behaviors,
00:33 so you can be more aware and handle them better.
00:36 Now let's delve into some of the things
00:38 that covert narcissists always do.
00:40 The thinnest skin of all.
00:43 How do you respond when someone criticizes you?
00:46 You may feel hurt, rejected, and embarrassed,
00:49 and that's okay.
00:50 There's nothing wrong in feeling that way.
00:52 And sometimes the negative feedback isn't true at all
00:55 and is purposefully delivered
00:56 to shatter your sense of self-worth.
00:58 However, there is something amiss
01:00 when you're extremely sensitive to criticism.
01:03 According to psychiatrist Glenn Gabbard,
01:05 in comparison with their grandiose counterparts,
01:08 covert narcissists tend to possess the thinnest skin
01:10 and are super sensitive.
01:12 They are easily triggered and feel offended
01:14 whenever they receive real or perceived criticism.
01:17 Criticism pushes covert narcissists
01:19 to either be defensive with a growing sentiment
01:22 of quiet superiority or withdraw with sulkiness.
01:26 They believe they are perfect
01:27 and cannot understand that someone does not view them
01:30 in the same light.
01:31 Covert narcissists truly feel
01:33 that they are the center of the universe
01:35 and they conceal how affected they are by negative feedback
01:37 by not showing it as much as an extroverted narcissist.
01:41 Silent smugness.
01:43 Research published in the American Journal of Psychiatry
01:46 explains that grandiose narcissists
01:47 are easier to spot than covert narcissists
01:50 due to their obvious boasting
01:51 and attention-seeking behaviors.
01:53 Covert narcissists display more subtle superiority
01:56 as they are inclined to scrutinize
01:58 and judge their environment silently
02:00 while listening disinterestedly
02:02 with no meaningful contribution to the conversation.
02:05 When you're around them,
02:06 you feel they're acting aloof
02:08 rather than brazenly showing their negativity.
02:11 They prefer to avoid situations
02:13 that may threaten their sense of superiority.
02:15 Impolite gestures.
02:17 Have you ever recounted an exciting travel story
02:20 but the person in front of you suddenly fakes a yawn?
02:23 Licensed marriage and family therapist, Darlene Lancer,
02:26 says this is a typical behavior
02:27 displayed by covert narcissists
02:29 as they are taking delight
02:31 in discreetly evaluating and judging other people.
02:34 Besides that, these are also often manifested outwardly
02:38 with eye rolling
02:39 when they wanna discard people's opinions,
02:41 frequently sighing and feeling irritated
02:43 and groaning to convey their disapproval.
02:46 Fish out sympathy.
02:48 Psychologist, Dr. Susan Albers,
02:50 explains that covert narcissists
02:51 often voice their negative self-talk
02:53 to fish for sympathy from people.
02:55 They may say, "Sigh, I look old."
02:58 But in reality, they want others to come to their rescue
03:00 and shower them with statements
03:01 to negate their self-deprecation.
03:04 By downplaying their strength,
03:05 the covert narcissist has found a sneaky way
03:07 to make others compliment them
03:09 so that they feel good about themselves.
03:11 They are most likely unaware
03:12 that the underlying reason they're behaving like this
03:14 is because of their need for positive attention.
03:17 Passive aggressive behavior.
03:19 Say you get a feeling that your friend is mad at you.
03:21 When asked, "What's the matter?"
03:23 he scowls and answers, "I'm fine."
03:25 But you know there's clearly something wrong
03:27 because he continues to act coldly towards you.
03:29 Licensed clinical psychologist, Dr. Matthew Boland,
03:32 notes that covert narcissists
03:34 typically act passive aggressively when frustrated
03:37 to demonstrate their superiority.
03:39 They can give you the silent treatment,
03:41 mock you but disguise it as a joke,
03:43 or ship the blame to make you feel bad.
03:45 These behaviors are rooted in their belief
03:47 that they are special,
03:48 making them feel that they deserve
03:50 to get whatever their hearts desire.
03:52 Self-serving empathy.
03:54 What do you feel when your friend starts crying
03:56 and tells you she just got fired?
03:58 Can you put yourself in her shoes
03:59 and understand why she would feel sad and disappointed?
04:03 Or when you see her crying,
04:04 her sadness makes you feel sad too?
04:07 The first reaction shows that you have cognitive empathy,
04:09 while the second one demonstrates
04:11 that you possess emotional empathy.
04:12 In a study, researcher Radisla Ragoza and colleagues
04:16 concluded that covert narcissists
04:17 can empathize with other people
04:19 but with the underlying motivation
04:21 to get the approval of others.
04:22 In other words, they have cognitive empathy
04:25 and understand what other people are feeling and thinking,
04:27 but they're unable to develop emotional empathy.
04:30 On the surface, people with covert narcissism
04:32 may seem to be compassionate and generous,
04:35 but on a deeper level,
04:36 their kind behavior is self-serving,
04:39 as they do it to be seen as the good guy
04:41 and praised by the people around them.
04:43 If these behaviors are not admired,
04:45 the covert narcissists will be resentful.
04:48 No matter what type of narcissist you have met in your life,
04:51 covert or covert,
04:53 close and frequent interactions with them
04:55 may leave you feeling weary and demoralized.
04:58 So if you suspect
04:59 that you have a covert narcissist in your life,
05:01 it's a good idea to seek professional support
05:03 where you can learn more about the disorder
05:05 and start your healing journey.
05:07 If you've enjoyed this video,
05:09 remember to like and subscribe.
05:10 And remember, you matter.