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FunTranscript
00:00 My guy.
00:02 Oh my god!
00:04 Oh my god!
00:06 That's the guy!
00:08 On the Nick Wind party, buddy.
00:10 I am not complaining, bro.
00:12 Life's been good, bro.
00:14 You were so good on Snake Oil.
00:16 I didn't watch it tonight, man. I got it on my
00:18 DVR. Was it great?
00:20 You were great. Spade even said he loved it.
00:22 Oh my god! I'm great!
00:24 I'm good. Same thing, okay?
00:26 I love it. Take a photo of this guy real quick.
00:28 You're not FaceTiming, buddy. Just take a photo.
00:30 There you go. Seizures, baby.
00:32 I heard it was great! I haven't seen it!
00:36 Everyone was talking about it.
00:38 You know, I'm a businessman.
00:40 I'm all about small businesses.
00:42 I'm all about ideas.
00:44 You know, when I was on Curb, you see me do
00:46 the tap water.
00:48 You're sales! You've been doing sales for a while.
00:50 I mean, that's what you do. I'm a salesman!
00:52 You know I'm a salesman! I know you're a salesman!
00:54 I try to better people.
00:56 That's what I do, baby. You know me.
00:58 I'm in the help me business.
01:00 Help you business? Help me
01:02 help you business! That is true!
01:04 What was the point in your career
01:06 when you realized you made it?
01:08 Oh man, you know what?
01:10 Was there a moment like, oh my god, everything started to switch
01:12 and you started to have that groove?
01:14 I realized I had the power
01:16 to use my voice
01:18 to make you laugh, make you cry
01:20 and motivate you.
01:22 If I can motivate you to be better
01:24 at being you,
01:26 see? That's what life is all about, huh?
01:28 Dude, New York City!
01:30 That's what life is all about, huh?
01:32 Being the best you you can be.
01:34 Being the best you.
01:36 Sometimes I come up with these words, man.
01:38 I talk about life as a roller coaster.
01:40 I always say, when you go up a roller coaster,
01:42 click, click, click, click, click, you ride that
01:44 roller coaster of life, right?
01:46 Until those click, click, clicks
01:48 turn to tick, tick, ticks.
01:50 I love that!
01:52 Why? Come on, write that down!
01:54 Put that on a t-shirt!
01:56 I think it was Bill Hader said, during writer's meetings
01:58 you were his favorite person to pitch
02:00 because your ideas were so fun and so great.
02:02 Who was the most, for you,
02:04 when you were at SNL writing for it, who was the guest
02:06 that you were just blown away by?
02:08 Man, we had so many amazing people
02:10 come through those doors, man. I mean, everybody you can think of,
02:12 man, I can't even like...
02:14 You gotta remember, I was only there four, five, and six,
02:16 so that's a long time ago.
02:18 At this time, at this point, I remember
02:20 Ashton Kutcher came in there, and we had
02:22 bought ourselves a little
02:24 putt-putt kit, you know, a little
02:26 hole and a little
02:28 golf club to play putt-putt with.
02:30 You know? Just a putt-putt
02:32 to keep our minds going.
02:34 And he came in there, and he started
02:36 doing an impression of an old man
02:38 with a cane, and broke it.
02:40 He broke it in half!
02:42 The next day he came in with a
02:44 $400 or $500 club
02:46 and said, "I'm sorry," and gave it to us.
02:48 - That's awesome! - I said, "Ashton Kutcher,
02:50 you are the greatest in the world."
02:52 Replacing that $39
02:54 club with a
02:56 $500 club, man. It's so amazing.
02:58 And I respect Ashton Kutcher for that.
03:00 Ashton Kutcher, you are the best.
03:02 I don't know where the hell that club is at now.
03:04 - He's the best of you, but to me, you're the best.
03:06 You've been the coolest, the nicest, and the best
03:08 - Come on, man, you know I love you, man! - You're the best, Jack!
03:10 - Come on, now! - You're the best! - I'm in New York City,
03:12 man, we can't beat this! We in New York City, baby!
03:14 And the next one tonight! That's how we do, baby!
03:16 You'll be good, man. I love you, man. Hey!
03:18 - Stay healthy, baby, right? - Always, always, man.
03:20 Good to see you, buddy. How's your wife?