• last year
Transcript
00:00:00 (wind blowing)
00:00:02 There was a time when meadow, grove, and stream,
00:00:10 the earth and every common sight,
00:00:13 to me did seem appareled in celestial light,
00:00:16 the glory and the freshness of a dream.
00:00:19 (bells ringing)
00:00:21 (soft music)
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00:01:01 (soft music)
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00:01:08 (birds chirping)
00:01:11 (birds chirping)
00:01:14 (birds chirping)
00:01:16 (birds chirping)
00:01:19 (speaking in foreign language)
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00:01:59 (soft music)
00:02:03 (birds chirping)
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00:03:48 (upbeat music)
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00:05:15 (upbeat music)
00:05:44 (door creaking)
00:05:46 - How queer everything is today.
00:05:54 I wonder if I've been changed in the night.
00:05:59 Let me think, was I the same when I got up this morning?
00:06:04 I always think I can remember being a little different.
00:06:10 (footsteps tapping)
00:06:13 But if I'm not the same,
00:06:20 the next question is, who in the world am I?
00:06:23 Ah, that's the great puzzle.
00:06:27 Who am I?
00:06:29 (footsteps tapping)
00:06:35 (birds chirping)
00:06:37 (soft music)
00:07:02 Try find out what things I used to know.
00:07:06 Let me see.
00:07:08 Four times five is 12.
00:07:11 And four times six is 13.
00:07:17 And four times seven is...
00:07:22 (soft music)
00:07:24 (soft music)
00:07:27 (soft music)
00:07:29 (soft music)
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00:07:34 (soft music)
00:07:37 (footsteps tapping)
00:07:46 (soft music)
00:08:03 (soft music)
00:08:06 Curiouser and curiouser.
00:08:23 I'll touch the little crocodile and prove his shiny tail.
00:08:32 And pour the waters of the Nile on every golden scale.
00:08:37 (soft music)
00:08:40 (soft music)
00:08:46 (soft music)
00:08:53 (soft music)
00:08:55 I think the main problem is how we all get dry.
00:09:20 (people chattering)
00:09:21 If you'd all be quiet and listen to me,
00:09:24 I'll soon make you dry enough.
00:09:26 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:09:27 - Are you ready?
00:09:28 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:09:29 - Here is the driest thing that I know.
00:09:31 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:09:32 - Silence all around, please.
00:09:35 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:09:36 - William Conqueror, whose cause was favored by the Pope,
00:09:42 was soon submitted to by the English, who wanted leaders,
00:09:46 and were of late much accustomed to use of vision and conquest.
00:09:50 Edwin and Mocha, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria--
00:09:55 - I have never been so bored in my life.
00:09:59 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:10:01 - Did you speak?
00:10:02 - No, not a word.
00:10:04 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:10:05 - I thought you did.
00:10:06 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:10:07 - I shall proceed.
00:10:09 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:10:10 - Edwin and Mocha, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria,
00:10:15 soon declared for him.
00:10:17 (man grumbling)
00:10:18 And even Stigund, the patriotic Archbishop of Canterbury,
00:10:23 found it advisable to go with Edgar Eighthling
00:10:27 and offer William the crown.
00:10:29 While the country still reeled under the shock of the conquest,
00:10:34 the Conqueror followed it by introducing the feudal system,
00:10:38 which was hardly a ray of sunshine,
00:10:41 as it drove a coach and horses
00:10:43 through the middle of the Anglo-Saxon Politech,
00:10:47 and the English, the English.
00:10:49 (men grumbling)
00:10:51 - How are you getting on now, my dear?
00:10:54 - Oh, in that case, I move that this meeting adjourn
00:10:58 for more energetic measures,
00:11:00 and I think a good thing would be to have a caucus race.
00:11:05 - What's a caucus race?
00:11:06 - Well, best way to explain it is for us all to do it, hmm?
00:11:12 (dramatic music)
00:11:14 (men shouting)
00:11:17 (dramatic music)
00:11:20 (men shouting)
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00:11:26 (men shouting)
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00:11:32 (men shouting)
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00:11:38 (men shouting)
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00:11:44 (men shouting)
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00:11:50 (men shouting)
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00:11:56 (men shouting)
00:11:59 (dramatic music)
00:12:02 (men shouting)
00:12:05 - Oh, this will never do.
00:12:08 - Come on, come along, come along, come on.
00:12:11 Come on now, come on.
00:12:13 Come along now, come on.
00:12:15 (men shouting)
00:12:17 That's it, that's it.
00:12:19 Come on now, come on.
00:12:21 (men shouting)
00:12:37 (horse hooves clopping)
00:12:41 (horses whinnying)
00:12:48 (men shouting)
00:12:51 (horses whinnying)
00:12:54 (men shouting)
00:12:57 (horses whinnying)
00:13:00 (men shouting)
00:13:03 (horses whinnying)
00:13:06 - All right, the race is over.
00:13:13 (men shouting)
00:13:16 Everybody's won, and everyone must have prizes.
00:13:20 (men chanting)
00:13:23 (men chanting)
00:13:26 (men chanting)
00:13:29 (men chanting)
00:13:32 (men chanting)
00:13:34 - Who's to give the prizes?
00:13:36 - Why, she will, of course.
00:13:38 - Prizes. - Prizes.
00:13:40 (men chanting)
00:13:43 (men chanting)
00:13:46 (men chanting)
00:13:49 (men chanting)
00:13:52 (men chanting)
00:13:55 (men chanting)
00:13:58 (horses whinnying)
00:14:01 (men shouting)
00:14:04 - She must have a prize herself, of course.
00:14:06 - Well, of course she must.
00:14:08 Eh, what else have you got in your pocket, eh?
00:14:11 - Only a thimble. - Oh, let me see.
00:14:16 Ooh.
00:14:17 I beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble.
00:14:22 (men chanting)
00:14:24 - Perhaps you would care to continue with your story.
00:14:28 - You obviously have your own methods of drawing off.
00:14:31 I don't see why I should waste my breath on it anymore.
00:14:34 (men chanting)
00:14:37 I'll do nothing of the sort.
00:14:39 - What a pity he wouldn't stay.
00:14:43 - Come along, come along, Wendy.
00:14:47 (sad music)
00:14:54 (birds chirping)
00:14:57 - Mary Anne, Mary Anne, fetch me my gloves this moment.
00:15:05 - Quickly, quickly.
00:15:15 - Would you ever manage to get to a film such a good time?
00:15:19 (whispering)
00:15:23 (whispering)
00:15:26 - I'm sure I'm not Ada.
00:15:35 She's got long ringlets,
00:15:38 my hair doesn't go in ringlets at all.
00:15:40 And I'm sure I can't be Mabel,
00:15:44 'cause I know all sorts of things,
00:15:47 and she knows nothing.
00:15:49 Besides, she's she, and I...
00:15:52 Oh dear, how puzzling it all is.
00:15:56 I'd love the little crocodile to prove his shining tail
00:16:10 and pull the waters off the Nile on every golden scale.
00:16:13 How cheerfully he seems to grin and neatly spread his claws
00:16:16 and welcome little fishes in with gently smiling jaws.
00:16:19 I must be Mabel after all.
00:16:25 Oh, I'll have to go and live in that pokey little house.
00:16:29 - Mary Anne, do you hear me?
00:16:31 Fetch me my gloves and fan.
00:16:33 I'll go around and get in the window.
00:16:37 (growling)
00:16:40 (chattering)
00:16:44 - Mary Anne, Mary Anne.
00:16:46 A barrelful will do to begin with.
00:16:52 - A barrelful of what?
00:16:54 - We must burn the house down.
00:17:05 (sad music)
00:17:08 (sad music)
00:17:11 (sad music)
00:17:14 (suspenseful music)
00:17:17 (upbeat music)
00:17:26 (dog barking)
00:17:33 (upbeat music)
00:17:36 (dog barking)
00:17:39 (upbeat music)
00:17:42 (dog barking)
00:17:45 (upbeat music)
00:17:48 (dog barking)
00:17:51 (upbeat music)
00:17:54 (dog barking)
00:17:57 (upbeat music)
00:18:00 - Who are you?
00:18:01 Who are you?
00:18:05 Who are you?
00:18:23 Come on, don't just stand there.
00:18:28 Who are you?
00:18:30 - I'm afraid I don't know just at the moment.
00:18:33 I know who I was when I got up this morning,
00:18:35 but I think I've changed several times since then.
00:18:39 - What on the devil do you mean by that exactly?
00:18:43 Explain yourself.
00:18:45 - I can't explain myself.
00:18:47 I'm not myself, you see.
00:18:49 - No, I don't see.
00:18:52 - I can't put it any more clearly, I'm afraid,
00:18:55 'cause I don't understand it myself.
00:18:58 - It's very confusing changing sides so often.
00:19:02 - It's not at all.
00:19:04 - I imagine you'll feel a bit queer
00:19:08 when you change sides, won't you?
00:19:11 - Not a bit.
00:19:12 - It feels very queer to me.
00:19:15 - Who are you?
00:19:17 - I think you ought to tell me who you are first.
00:19:20 - Why?
00:19:21 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, come back.
00:19:26 (chuckles)
00:19:28 I have something important to say.
00:19:33 - Yes?
00:19:39 - Keep your temper.
00:19:44 - Is that all?
00:19:45 - No.
00:19:48 - Oh.
00:19:49 So, you're thinking of changing, are you?
00:20:09 - I'm afraid I am.
00:20:11 You see, I can't remember things I used to,
00:20:14 and I can't stay the same size
00:20:16 for more than 10 minutes together.
00:20:19 - What sort of things?
00:20:21 - Well, I've tried to say how doth a little busy be,
00:20:23 but it came out all different.
00:20:26 - Very well.
00:20:28 Repeat, you are old Father William.
00:20:32 - You are old Father William, the young man said,
00:20:39 and your hair's become very white,
00:20:42 and yet you incessantly stand on your head.
00:20:45 Do you think at your age it is right?
00:20:48 In my youth, said the sage as he shook his gray locks,
00:20:52 um,
00:20:53 um,
00:20:56 in my youth, said the sage as he shook his gray locks,
00:21:01 I kept all my limbs very supple.
00:21:04 By the use of this ointment,
00:21:11 one shilling the box, allow me to sell you a couple.
00:21:15 You are old, said the youth,
00:21:18 and your jaws are too weak for anything tougher than,
00:21:21 than sewage.
00:21:23 Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
00:21:33 Be off, or I'll kick you downstairs.
00:21:39 That's not quite right.
00:21:41 - I'm afraid some of the words seem to have got altered.
00:21:46 - Oh, is it wrong from beginning to end?
00:21:49 What size do you want to be?
00:21:54 - I'm not particular as to size,
00:21:56 it's just that one doesn't like changing so often, you know.
00:21:59 - No, I don't know.
00:22:01 Are you happy now?
00:22:03 - Well, I'd like to be a little larger.
00:22:06 - Mm, seems a very nice size to me.
00:22:10 - But I'm not used to it.
00:22:12 - Mm.
00:22:13 You'll get used to it in time.
00:22:17 You'll never make them people here, is there, you see,
00:22:32 'cause, uh, like they're making too much noise themselves.
00:22:35 I mean, you follow the meat, you can hear 'em.
00:22:38 - Well, how am I to get in then?
00:22:40 (crying)
00:22:42 - Oh, excuse me a moment.
00:22:57 Something seems to be cropping up in this area over here.
00:23:00 Invitation from the Queen,
00:23:03 but just to play croquet.
00:23:05 (mumbling)
00:23:08 This one, then, is it?
00:23:11 (mumbling)
00:23:13 Yes, all right.
00:23:16 Thank you.
00:23:17 Just, uh, just think quietly out of sight for me.
00:23:23 (clattering)
00:23:25 Yes.
00:23:26 (mumbling)
00:23:29 Now, then.
00:23:30 I'll tell you what I'll do.
00:23:33 I'll tell you what I'll do for you.
00:23:35 Nothing.
00:23:36 How's that?
00:23:38 Any good to you at all?
00:23:39 Nothing?
00:23:40 I mean, I wouldn't be able to do it straight away,
00:23:42 I'll say that, you see.
00:23:43 I couldn't possibly do it straight away
00:23:45 'cause I've got all these things cropping up, you see.
00:23:47 I have to deal with, I, well, I mean,
00:23:49 you saw just now, something cropped up there, you see,
00:23:52 and I'll get, that's the same type of thing
00:23:54 I get cropping up all the time, you see.
00:23:56 So, naturally, I got me hands full,
00:23:58 but, uh, if I was to do nothing for you,
00:24:01 I can't promise I could,
00:24:02 but if I was to do nothing for you,
00:24:04 I'd have to sort of find a time, you see,
00:24:07 when I could squeeze it in, you see what I mean?
00:24:09 I think you're absolutely idiotic.
00:24:11 Mm, mm, well, maybe I am, maybe I'm not.
00:24:17 (laughing)
00:24:21 (gasping)
00:24:22 (laughing)
00:24:23 (laughing)
00:24:25 (baby cooing)
00:24:28 Why does your cat look like that?
00:24:43 It's a Cheshire cat, that's why.
00:24:46 Pig.
00:24:48 (laughing)
00:24:49 I didn't know that Cheshire cats looked like that.
00:24:51 All of them can and most of them do.
00:24:53 I didn't know that any of them do.
00:24:55 Oh, you don't know much, that's a fact.
00:24:57 (laughing)
00:24:58 (gasping)
00:24:59 (sniffing)
00:25:01 (snarling)
00:25:03 (sniffing)
00:25:04 (snarling)
00:25:06 (snarling)
00:25:07 (sniffing)
00:25:09 (snarling)
00:25:11 (sniffing)
00:25:13 Here we go, here we go.
00:25:15 (snarling)
00:25:16 Mind the baby.
00:25:17 (baby crying)
00:25:19 If everybody minds their own business,
00:25:21 the world will turn a grander and faster than it does.
00:25:24 That wouldn't be a great advantage.
00:25:26 The world turns on its axis every 24 hours.
00:25:30 Oh, don't bother me, I never could abide figures, could I?
00:25:36 (mumbling)
00:25:38 Speak loudly to your little boy and beat him when he sneezes.
00:25:43 He only does it to annoy because he knows he's teasing.
00:25:47 (snarling)
00:25:49 (baby crying)
00:25:53 I speak severely to my boy and beat him when he sneezes.
00:25:58 For he can suddenly enjoy the temper when he sneezes.
00:26:02 He only does it to annoy because he knows he's teasing.
00:26:05 (baby crying)
00:26:07 (glass breaking)
00:26:09 (slurping)
00:26:15 I speak severely to my boy and beat him when he sneezes.
00:26:20 For he could thoroughly enjoy the pepper if he pleases.
00:26:25 Yes, yes, yes.
00:26:29 Here, nurse him for a bit.
00:26:32 (snarling)
00:26:34 (baby crying)
00:26:44 (baby crying)
00:26:49 Which way would I go from here?
00:26:52 That depends a great deal on where you want to go to.
00:26:56 I don't much care where.
00:26:59 Then it doesn't matter which way you go.
00:27:02 So long as I get somewhere.
00:27:04 Oh, you're sure to do that if you only walk long enough.
00:27:12 What sort of people live about here?
00:27:15 In that direction is the Hatter and in that direction is the March Hare.
00:27:19 They're both mad.
00:27:21 But I don't want to go among mad people.
00:27:24 Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here.
00:27:28 I'm mad, you're mad.
00:27:33 By the by, what became of the baby?
00:27:36 I'd nearly forgotten to ask.
00:27:39 It turned into a pig.
00:27:41 I thought it would.
00:27:46 Did you say pig or fig?
00:27:49 I said pig.
00:27:51 (music)
00:28:17 No room.
00:28:21 No room.
00:28:22 No room.
00:28:23 No room.
00:28:24 No room.
00:28:25 No room.
00:28:26 No room.
00:28:27 No room.
00:28:28 No room.
00:28:29 No room.
00:28:30 No room.
00:28:31 There's no room.
00:28:33 There's plenty of room.
00:28:36 Have some wine.
00:28:38 I don't see any wine.
00:28:39 There isn't any.
00:28:40 It wasn't very civil of you to offer it.
00:28:42 It wasn't very civil of you to sit down before you were invited.
00:28:46 I thought you did invite me.
00:28:48 Anyway, the table's laid for a great deal more than three.
00:28:51 Your hair wants cutting.
00:28:56 You shouldn't make personal remarks. It's very rude.
00:28:59 Oh, why is a raven like a writing desk, I wonder?
00:29:04 Oh, I'm glad you've begun asking riddles.
00:29:06 I think I can guess that one.
00:29:08 Do you mean that you can find the answer to it?
00:29:11 Exactly.
00:29:12 Then you should say what you mean.
00:29:14 I do. At least I mean what I say.
00:29:17 It's the same thing, you know.
00:29:19 It isn't the same thing a bit.
00:29:21 You might as well say that I see what I eat is the same thing as I eat what I see.
00:29:26 You might just as well say that I like what I get is the same thing as I get what I like.
00:29:33 You might as well say that I sleep when I breathe is the same thing as I breathe when I sleep.
00:29:44 It is the same thing with you.
00:29:48 [yawns]
00:30:11 Oh, what day of the month is it?
00:30:17 I think it's the fourth.
00:30:19 Oh, two days wrong. I knew that butter wouldn't be good for the works.
00:30:25 It was the best butter.
00:30:27 Yes, but we must have got some crumbs in with it or something.
00:30:30 I told you not to use the bread knife.
00:30:33 It was the best butter.
00:30:35 That's as may be.
00:30:37 It's a glorious watch. It tells the day of the month and not what time it is.
00:30:41 Of course it does, child. Does your watch tell you what year it is?
00:30:45 Of course not. That's because it's the same year for so long together.
00:30:48 Exactly. Well, it's just the same with my watch.
00:30:51 [sings]
00:30:58 Oh, the doormouse has fallen asleep again.
00:31:01 Have you guessed the riddle yet?
00:31:03 No, I give up. What is the answer?
00:31:05 I haven't the slightest idea.
00:31:08 [laughs]
00:31:10 Well, I think you might do something better with your time than waste it
00:31:13 asking riddles that have no answers.
00:31:15 If you knew time as well as I do, you wouldn't talk about it. It's him.
00:31:20 I don't know what you mean.
00:31:22 Of course you don't, I dare say. You've never even spoken to time.
00:31:26 Perhaps not, but I now have to beat time and I learn music.
00:31:29 [sings]
00:31:36 Oh, that accounts for it. He can't stand beating.
00:31:40 But if you keep on good terms with time, he'll do anything with the clock that you want.
00:31:45 For example, supposing it's half past nine in the morning,
00:31:48 you just whisper a hint to time,
00:31:50 'round goes the clock and it's half past one in the afternoon, time for dinner.'
00:31:55 I only wish it were.
00:31:57 Yes, it might be rather nice, but then I wouldn't be hungry for it, you know.
00:32:00 Not at first, perhaps, but you could keep it at half past one for as long as you like.
00:32:05 Is that the way you manage?
00:32:07 Oh, no, no, no, no. We quarrelled last March, just before he went, er, mad, you know.
00:32:13 It was at a concert given by the Queen of Hearts. I had to sing that song, er,
00:32:18 [sings]
00:32:25 You're familiar with it, doubtless.
00:32:27 I've heard something like it.
00:32:29 [sings]
00:32:36 [sings]
00:32:41 Oh, well, I'd hardly finish the first verse when the Queen jumps up and balls out,
00:32:47 'He's murdering the time! Off with his head!'
00:32:51 I'm dreadfully savage.
00:32:53 Oh, yes, yes, yes. Ha, ha!
00:32:56 But ever since then, time won't do a thing for me.
00:33:00 It's always six o'clock now.
00:33:03 Is that the reason why so many tea things are put out here?
00:33:05 Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:33:08 It's always, it's always tea time, and of course,
00:33:12 we don't get much time to wash the things up between wiles.
00:33:17 So you keep moving round, I suppose?
00:33:19 We keep, we keep moving round, yes, yes, yes.
00:33:22 As the things get used up, you know.
00:33:25 What happens when you get back to the beginning?
00:33:27 Oh, oh!
00:33:28 Suppose we change the subject. I'm getting dreadfully bored by this.
00:33:33 I vote the young lady tells us a story.
00:33:36 I'm afraid I don't know one.
00:33:40 Then the door masks will.
00:33:45 I wasn't asleep. I heard every word you fellows were saying.
00:33:51 Tell us a story.
00:33:52 You'd better get on with it,
00:33:54 otherwise you'll fall asleep again before you're done.
00:33:59 Once upon a time, there were three little sisters.
00:34:05 They were named Elsie, Letzia and Julie.
00:34:13 And they lived at the bottom of a well.
00:34:16 What did they live on?
00:34:25 They lived on treacle.
00:34:28 They couldn't have done that, you know. They'd have been ill.
00:34:30 Very well. Very, very ill.
00:34:34 But why did they live at the bottom of a well?
00:34:39 Take some more tea.
00:34:41 I've had nothing yet, so I can't take more.
00:34:43 What you mean is you can't take less. It's very easy to take more than nothing.
00:34:48 Nobody asked your opinion.
00:34:49 Oh, now who's making personal remarks, eh?
00:35:00 Why did they live at the bottom of a well?
00:35:04 It was a treacle well.
00:35:06 There's no such thing.
00:35:10 If you cannot be civil, you tell the story yourself.
00:35:14 I won't interrupt again. I dare say there may be one.
00:35:18 Oh, indeed?
00:35:23 Well, the three little sisters, they were all learning to draw, you know.
00:35:30 What did they draw?
00:35:32 Treacle.
00:35:46 I don't understand. Where did they draw the treacle from?
00:35:48 You draw water from a water well, you draw treacle from a treacle well, eh, stupid?
00:35:54 Oh, they were in the well.
00:35:58 Well in.
00:36:11 Then they learned to draw.
00:36:16 And they always drew something beginning with an M.
00:36:21 Why an M?
00:36:23 Why not?
00:36:38 Everything beginning with an M. Such as mousetrap, money, memory and muchness.
00:36:54 I bet you never saw anything like the drawing of a muchness.
00:36:58 Really? Now you say it, I don't.
00:37:00 Then you shouldn't talk.
00:37:10 It's the stupidest tea party I was ever at.
00:37:16 Why are you painting those roses?
00:37:20 Why are you painting those roses?
00:37:22 What's that? What's that?
00:37:25 Will you hold that book steady? I can't see the paint.
00:37:29 What are you doing it for?
00:37:31 Doing it for?
00:37:33 Yes.
00:37:34 Yes. Yes. What am I doing it for?
00:37:38 Yes, well, that is the question, isn't it?
00:37:41 Ah, there you see, it's no good.
00:37:45 It's all a problem of colour, you see.
00:37:47 The problem of these being coloured white when red was what was asked for.
00:37:53 Who's to know?
00:37:55 Oh yes, that's good. Yes, I like that.
00:37:59 Yes, who's to know? The Queen, that's who.
00:38:02 The Queen doesn't miss a trick.
00:38:04 Doesn't look much like a red rose to me.
00:38:06 Ah, well, perhaps you'd like to have a go yourself then?
00:38:10 Yes, perhaps you'd like to have a go yourself.
00:38:12 I think we can do without any help from you, you know. Thank you very much.
00:38:17 Look!
00:38:21 It's the Queen.
00:38:23 More carmine.
00:38:25 And more white.
00:38:27 [music]
00:38:30 [music]
00:38:33 [music]
00:38:36 [music]
00:38:39 [music]
00:38:43 [music]
00:38:47 [music]
00:38:50 [music]
00:38:54 [music]
00:38:58 [music]
00:39:02 [music]
00:39:06 [music]
00:39:10 [music]
00:39:15 [music]
00:39:18 [music]
00:39:22 [music]
00:39:26 [music]
00:39:30 [music]
00:39:34 [music]
00:39:38 Ah, yes. And who's this?
00:39:42 Yes, who is this?
00:39:44 Oh, perhaps I shouldn't ask.
00:39:46 [music]
00:39:48 Idiot. Absolute idiot.
00:39:50 You've got an absolute idiot for a son.
00:39:52 Yes, but he's tall. He's very tall.
00:39:54 Come along, child. Speak up. What's your name?
00:39:57 My name is Alice.
00:39:58 Ah.
00:40:02 And who are these?
00:40:04 Oh, perhaps I shouldn't ask.
00:40:06 Hush, Dinos. No business of mine.
00:40:08 You little hussy. Off with her head. Nonsense.
00:40:11 [music]
00:40:14 Ah, yes. Now what have you been doing here?
00:40:17 Oh, perhaps I shouldn't ask.
00:40:19 Well, perhaps I should.
00:40:21 [laughs]
00:40:22 Painting white roses red, hmm?
00:40:24 Perhaps you have an explanation?
00:40:27 Well, ma'am, it's my way of rectifying a mistake.
00:40:30 What I've always said is,
00:40:32 what the eye don't see, the heart don't grieve over.
00:40:36 I think that's for me to judge.
00:40:38 Off with her heads.
00:40:41 It's a very fine day.
00:40:43 Very. Where's the Duchess?
00:40:45 She's under sentence of execution.
00:40:47 What for?
00:40:48 She boxed the Queen's ears. Whoops.
00:40:50 All right. Get to your places.
00:40:54 [drumming]
00:40:56 You heard what she said.
00:40:58 [drumming]
00:41:08 [singing]
00:41:23 [drumming]
00:41:33 [singing]
00:41:43 [drumming]
00:41:53 [singing]
00:42:03 [singing]
00:42:13 [singing]
00:42:23 [singing]
00:42:33 [singing]
00:42:43 [singing]
00:42:53 [singing]
00:43:03 [singing]
00:43:13 [singing]
00:43:23 [drumming]
00:43:43 [drumming]
00:43:53 [drumming]
00:44:13 [drumming]
00:44:33 [drumming]
00:44:53 [drumming]
00:45:03 [drumming]
00:45:13 [drumming]
00:45:23 [drumming]
00:45:33 [drumming]
00:45:53 [drumming]
00:46:13 How are you getting on?
00:46:15 I don't think they play at all, fairly.
00:46:17 How do you like the Queen?
00:46:19 Not at all.
00:46:22 Who are you talking to?
00:46:24 A friend of mine.
00:46:26 I don't like the look of it at all.
00:46:28 A cat may look at a Queen.
00:46:30 Cats are allowed to do that.
00:46:32 It must be removed. Executioner, about that cat.
00:46:36 I want his head taken off. Right off.
00:46:39 Yeah. Well, you've got a problem there, haven't you?
00:46:42 I mean, with regard to cutting off a head, you've got a real problem.
00:46:46 And this is a body to cut it off from.
00:46:48 I mean, you see what I mean.
00:46:50 Don't talk nonsense.
00:46:52 Anything that has a head can be beheaded.
00:46:55 Anyway, who does it belong to?
00:46:57 Belongs to the Duchess, and you'd better ask her about it.
00:47:00 [laughs]
00:47:02 [music]
00:47:18 Oh! You can't think how glad I am to see you here, you dear old thing.
00:47:24 You're thinking about something, and that makes you forget to talk.
00:47:30 I can't remember the moral of that, but I shall remember it in a moment.
00:47:34 Perhaps it hasn't got a moral.
00:47:36 Tut-tut. My dear child, everything's got a moral.
00:47:40 If only you can find it.
00:47:42 The game seems to be coming on much better now.
00:47:44 Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
00:47:47 And the moral of it is, 'tis love, 'tis love, makes the world go round.
00:47:53 I thought it was done by everybody minding their own business.
00:47:56 Oh, well, yes.
00:47:58 Well, it means much the same thing.
00:48:01 And the moral of that is, take care of the sense,
00:48:04 and the sounds will take care of themselves.
00:48:07 You're still only fond of finding morals.
00:48:09 I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist.
00:48:12 Well, the reason is, I'm doubtful of the temper of your flamingo.
00:48:17 I haven't got a flamingo any more.
00:48:19 Ah, true, ah, true. Flamingos and mustard, both right.
00:48:24 And the moral of that is, birds of a feather flock together.
00:48:29 But mustard isn't a bird.
00:48:31 Right, as usual.
00:48:33 You do have a nice clear way of putting things.
00:48:37 It's a mineral, I think.
00:48:39 Yes, of course it is. There's a rather large mustard mine quite near here.
00:48:44 And the moral of it is, the more there is a man, the less there is a yawn.
00:48:50 I know, it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is.
00:48:53 I quite agree with you.
00:48:55 And the moral of that is, be what you would seem to be,
00:48:59 or if you would like it put more simply.
00:49:01 Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise,
00:49:04 than what it would appear to others,
00:49:06 that what you were, what you might have been,
00:49:09 is not otherwise than what you have been.
00:49:13 I think I'd understand that a bit better if I had it written down,
00:49:16 but I'm afraid I can't quite follow it as you say it.
00:49:19 Oh, I could say much better than that if I chose.
00:49:24 Please don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that.
00:49:27 Don't talk about trouble. I make you a present of everything I've said as yet.
00:49:31 Cheap sort of present, I must say.
00:49:34 Thinking again?
00:49:36 I've a right to think.
00:49:38 About as much right as pigs have to fly.
00:49:41 And the moral...
00:49:43 Either you or your head must be off in the next five minutes.
00:49:51 Take your choice.
00:49:53 (chatter)
00:49:55 It should be the death of me.
00:50:11 Come on, let's get on with the game.
00:50:13 (dramatic music)
00:50:18 (laughter)
00:50:20 Well, here we are.
00:50:32 What's happened to them?
00:50:34 They're going to be executed.
00:50:36 What do you mean?
00:50:37 They're going to have their heads taken off.
00:50:39 What, all of them?
00:50:41 Yes, the whole lot.
00:50:43 There's no point in spoiling the ship for a heap of tar.
00:50:46 Have you seen the mock turtle?
00:50:48 No, who's that?
00:50:49 You better ask the griffon about that.
00:50:51 He'll be able to let you know.
00:50:53 That's just her fantasy.
00:50:59 She never executes anyone.
00:51:01 Ah, there he is.
00:51:04 What's he so sad about?
00:51:06 That's just his fantasy.
00:51:08 He's got nothing to be sad about, really.
00:51:12 (birds squawking)
00:51:14 This young lady wants to hear your life history.
00:51:25 All right, I'll tell it to her.
00:51:29 And don't speak a word till I finish.
00:51:34 (birds squawking)
00:51:36 But how can he finish if he doesn't begin?
00:51:50 Shh! He's got to get into the mood.
00:51:54 (birds squawking)
00:51:56 When we were little, we all went to school in the sea.
00:52:09 The master was an old turtle.
00:52:12 We used to call him Tortoise.
00:52:14 Why did you call him Tortoise if he wasn't one?
00:52:17 We called him Tortoise because he taught us.
00:52:20 Really, you are very dull.
00:52:22 Ashamed of you asking such simple questions.
00:52:25 We had the best of educations.
00:52:27 In fact, we went to school every day.
00:52:30 I've been to a day school, too.
00:52:32 It's not to be so proud of.
00:52:34 With extras?
00:52:35 Yes, we learned French and music.
00:52:37 And washing?
00:52:38 Certainly not.
00:52:39 Aha.
00:52:40 Well, then, yours wasn't really a good school.
00:52:43 But our school, we always had at the end of the bill...
00:52:47 music, French, and washing.
00:52:50 Extra.
00:52:51 But I couldn't afford to learn it.
00:52:54 I only took the regular course.
00:52:56 What was that?
00:52:57 Reeling and writhing, of course, to begin with.
00:53:00 Then there were the different branches of arithmetic.
00:53:03 Ambition, distraction, uglification...
00:53:06 and derision.
00:53:07 I never heard of uglification before.
00:53:10 Never heard of uglifying?
00:53:12 You've heard of beautifying, I suppose?
00:53:15 Yes.
00:53:16 Need I say more?
00:53:18 Then there was mystery, ancient and modern.
00:53:22 And then, drawling.
00:53:24 That was with the drawing master.
00:53:26 He used to come once a week.
00:53:28 He taught us drawing, stretching...
00:53:32 and fainting in coils.
00:53:34 What was that like?
00:53:36 I couldn't possibly show you myself.
00:53:38 I'm much too stiff.
00:53:39 And he never learned it.
00:53:41 Never had time.
00:53:43 But I went to the classical master.
00:53:46 I never went to him.
00:53:48 He taught laughing and grief, or so they said.
00:53:53 So he did.
00:53:55 So he did.
00:53:57 How many hours a day did you do lessons?
00:54:08 Ten hours the first day.
00:54:10 Nine the second, and so on.
00:54:12 How odd.
00:54:13 Not odd at all.
00:54:14 That's why they're called lessons.
00:54:16 Because they lesson from day to day.
00:54:19 Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday.
00:54:22 So it was.
00:54:24 So it was.
00:54:26 But then how did you manage on the twelfth day?
00:54:29 Oh, that's enough about lessons.
00:54:32 Tell her about the games.
00:54:35 Have you ever done the lobster quadrille?
00:54:38 No. What sort of a dance is that?
00:54:41 Well, first you form a line along the seashore.
00:54:44 No, two lines.
00:54:45 Then, after you clear the jellyfish out of the way...
00:54:48 That generally takes some time.
00:54:50 You advance twice.
00:54:51 Each with a lobster as a partner.
00:54:52 You advance twice.
00:54:54 Set the partners.
00:54:56 Change lobsters and retire in the same order.
00:54:59 Must be a very pretty dance.
00:55:02 Would you like to hear some of it?
00:55:04 Very much indeed.
00:55:06 Well, who'll sing?
00:55:08 You sing it. I can't remember the words.
00:55:11 # Will you walk a little faster? #
00:55:14 # Said the whiting to the snail #
00:55:17 # There's a porpoise close behind me #
00:55:19 # And he's treading on my tail #
00:55:22 # See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance #
00:55:26 # They are waiting on the shingle #
00:55:28 # Won't you come and join the dance? #
00:55:30 # Will you, won't you, will you, won't you #
00:55:32 # Will you join the dance? #
00:55:34 # Will you, won't you, will you, won't you #
00:55:36 # Won't you join the dance? #
00:55:39 # You can really have no notion #
00:55:43 # How delightful it will be #
00:55:45 # When they take us up and throw us with the lobsters out to sea #
00:55:49 # But the snail replied #
00:55:51 # Too far, too far #
00:55:54 # And gave a look askance #
00:55:56 # Said he thanked the whiting kindly #
00:55:58 # But he would not join the dance #
00:56:00 # Would not, could not, could not, would not #
00:56:02 # Could not join the dance #
00:56:04 # Could not, would not, could not, would not #
00:56:09 # Would not join the dance #
00:56:14 [Seagulls squawking]
00:56:16 The trial's beginning.
00:56:25 The trial's beginning.
00:56:29 # In the night #
00:56:31 # In the night #
00:56:33 # In the night #
00:56:38 # In the deep and sad stillness #
00:56:43 # We know the prize #
00:56:47 # That Christ hath taught us #
00:56:52 # The ancient truth of faith #
00:56:56 # Good mighty victors #
00:57:01 # Thy praise we'll praise #
00:57:06 # The first day #
00:57:11 # Of wisdom #
00:57:13 # And sorrow not of life #
00:57:18 # We know the glory still #
00:57:22 # Of goodness in Christ #
00:57:27 # And justice #
00:57:29 # Good nothing #
00:57:32 # But so good we know #
00:57:37 # And love's rich #
00:57:39 # Of bounty #
00:57:41 # Of goodness #
00:57:44 # And life #
00:57:50 # We open our ears #
00:57:55 # To good praise and song #
00:58:00 # We open our ears #
00:58:04 # And to thy wonder #
00:58:09 # We blossom and flourish #
00:58:14 # And we know our dream #
00:58:19 # And we know our praise #
00:58:23 # Of all things #
00:58:26 # And of you #
00:58:29 Who are they?
00:58:33 The jury.
00:58:34 What are they doing?
00:58:35 Taking down their names in case they forget them before the trial ends.
00:58:39 Stupid things.
00:58:41 Silence in court!
00:58:48 Read the accusation.
00:58:50 The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts all on a summer's day.
00:58:54 The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts and took them quite away.
00:58:57 Consider your verdict.
00:58:59 Not yet, not yet.
00:59:00 There's a great deal to do before that.
00:59:02 Is there?
00:59:03 Oh, yes.
00:59:04 Well, um...
00:59:05 Call the first witness.
00:59:10 First witness!
00:59:13 (Coughing)
00:59:16 Come on, come on.
00:59:33 Come on, come on.
00:59:40 (Chuckling)
00:59:43 I beg your pardon, Your Majesty, for bringing these along,
01:00:02 but I hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.
01:00:06 Well, you ought to have finished.
01:00:09 When did you begin?
01:00:10 Uh, the, uh...
01:00:12 Let me see. I think it was the, uh...
01:00:15 The 14th of March.
01:00:17 15th.
01:00:18 16th?
01:00:19 Yes.
01:00:20 The 16th, sir. Write that down.
01:00:23 And, uh, take off your hat.
01:00:26 Ah, it, um...
01:00:28 It, uh... It, uh...
01:00:30 It's, um...
01:00:31 It isn't... It isn't mine.
01:00:33 It's, uh...
01:00:34 Stolen, is it?
01:00:36 No, no, no.
01:00:37 No, no, no. I, uh...
01:00:39 I keep them to sell, Your Majesty.
01:00:41 You see, I'm a... I'm a hatter.
01:00:44 A very nervous hatter.
01:00:47 Yes, I am, yes.
01:00:49 Well, don't be nervous.
01:00:50 Don't be nervous.
01:00:51 Just give your evidence,
01:00:53 or I shall have you executed, you know.
01:00:55 I'm... I'm allowed to do that.
01:00:58 I can have anyone executed.
01:01:01 I have power, power.
01:01:03 Ah, um, I'm a very poor man, Your Majesty,
01:01:08 and, uh, I haven't begun my tea,
01:01:11 and, well, not about a week or so,
01:01:13 and what with the bread and butter getting so thin
01:01:16 and the twinkling of the tea, I...
01:01:19 Twinkling of the what?
01:01:20 Uh, it began with the tea.
01:01:23 I know that.
01:01:25 I'm not a fool.
01:01:27 I know that twinkling begins with a tea.
01:01:29 Oh, I'm a freak idiot, am I?
01:01:32 Go on, go on.
01:01:34 Like I said, Your Majesty, I'm a...
01:01:36 I'm a poor man, and most things twinkled after that.
01:01:41 I didn't.
01:01:42 You did.
01:01:43 I didn't. I deny it.
01:01:45 He denies it.
01:01:46 Leave out that part.
01:01:48 After that, I, uh...
01:01:51 I, uh, I cut some bread and butter, and...
01:01:54 After that, what happened?
01:01:55 Oh, that, uh... that I... that I can't remember.
01:01:59 Yes, yes, well, you must remember it,
01:02:01 or I'll have to have you executed.
01:02:03 I'm a... I'm a poor man, Your Majesty.
01:02:06 You are a jolly poor speaker, that's for sure.
01:02:10 Get down, sit down, and stand.
01:02:12 Go away.
01:02:13 Oh, thank you.
01:02:16 God bless you, Your Majesty.
01:02:18 [laughing]
01:02:20 [laughing]
01:02:22 [laughing]
01:02:24 [laughing]
01:02:26 [laughing]
01:02:30 Next witness.
01:02:32 [laughing]
01:02:34 [laughing]
01:02:36 [laughing]
01:02:38 [laughing]
01:02:41 Give your evidence.
01:02:43 Shout.
01:02:44 [laughing]
01:02:46 Oh, well, uh...
01:02:48 that's the end of that, then.
01:02:50 Ha!
01:02:51 Your Majesty must cross-examine this witness.
01:02:55 Must I?
01:02:56 Yes.
01:02:57 Oh.
01:02:58 [laughing]
01:03:04 Thank you.
01:03:06 What a touch!
01:03:11 Made of?
01:03:12 Pepper, mostly.
01:03:14 [laughing]
01:03:15 Anything you want to add to that?
01:03:17 Yes, go away.
01:03:19 Go away with the pepper.
01:03:22 Oh.
01:03:25 Next witness.
01:03:26 Oh, don't let's have another witness.
01:03:30 Let's have a...
01:03:32 let's have a song.
01:03:35 Come on, lads, give us a melody.
01:03:38 Come along.
01:03:39 ♪ Oh, Lord, take the entire time to be humble ♪
01:03:43 ♪ Humble and all sway to the piano ♪
01:03:48 ♪ Britain shall be saved ♪
01:03:51 ♪ And we all shall fall ♪
01:03:54 ♪ And we all shall fall ♪
01:03:57 ♪ And we all will swing together ♪
01:04:01 ♪ With our bodies between our knees ♪
01:04:04 ♪ Yes, we all swing together ♪
01:04:08 ♪ With our bodies between our knees ♪
01:04:14 Ah, they don't reach verdicts like that anymore.
01:04:19 Yeah, okay.
01:04:21 Right.
01:04:22 Next witness.
01:04:24 Alice.
01:04:26 Ah, what have you got to say for yourself?
01:04:31 Nothing.
01:04:32 Nothing?
01:04:33 Nothing whatever.
01:04:35 Oh, that's very important.
01:04:37 Unimportant, Your Majesty means, of course.
01:04:41 Oh, oh, I thought I meant important.
01:04:46 That's what I thought I meant.
01:04:49 [humming]
01:04:52 [lips smacking]
01:04:55 [humming]
01:04:58 [humming]
01:05:01 [lips smacking]
01:05:04 [snoring]
01:05:07 [snoring]
01:05:10 [humming]
01:05:14 [snoring]
01:05:17 [snoring]
01:05:20 [laughing]
01:05:22 Silence in court.
01:05:24 Silence in court.
01:05:26 [coughing]
01:05:27 All persons with more than a mile high to leave court.
01:05:34 I'm not a mile high.
01:05:36 Yes, you are.
01:05:37 Nearly two miles high.
01:05:42 Consider your silences.
01:05:45 Your verses.
01:05:47 No, no, no, no.
01:05:48 There's more evidence to come yet.
01:05:50 This paper's just been picked up.
01:05:52 What's in it?
01:05:53 I haven't opened it yet.
01:05:55 But it seems to be a letter written by the prisoner to somebody.
01:05:58 It must be that.
01:06:00 I mean, it can't just be written to nobody.
01:06:03 I mean, you can't just write to nobody.
01:06:06 I mean, if you did that all the time,
01:06:08 well, I would hear the post office would come to a standstill.
01:06:12 I mean, you've got to have somebody.
01:06:14 I mean, it works very well, yes.
01:06:17 Well, it's not allowed.
01:06:19 Who's it directed to?
01:06:21 It isn't directed at all.
01:06:23 In fact, there's nothing written on the outside.
01:06:25 [coughing]
01:06:27 It isn't a letter at all.
01:06:29 It's a set of verses.
01:06:32 Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?
01:06:34 No, they're not.
01:06:35 And that's the queerest thing about it.
01:06:38 He's been imitating people's hands and writings again.
01:06:44 Please, Your Majesty.
01:06:47 I didn't write it.
01:06:51 Well, I can prove that I didn't.
01:06:56 There's no name signed at the end.
01:07:00 Well, that only makes the matter worse.
01:07:02 You must have meant some mischief
01:07:04 before else you would have signed your name like an honest man.
01:07:08 That proves his guilt.
01:07:10 It proves nothing of the sort.
01:07:12 Hold your tongue.
01:07:13 I won't.
01:07:14 [chanting]
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01:08:04 It is not now as it hath been of yore.
01:08:07 Turn wheresoever I may, by night or day,
01:08:11 the things which I have seen I now can see no more.
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