In this video, we're going to talk about how to unlock your dating potential and improve your dating life. We'll cover topics like how to get out there and meet new people, how to make your dating profile stand out, and more!
Whether you're just starting out in the dating world or you're feeling stagnant, this video is for you! We'll give you tips on how to improve your dating life and unlock your dating potential. So come learn about the things you can do to improve your dating life today!
Whether you're just starting out in the dating world or you're feeling stagnant, this video is for you! We'll give you tips on how to improve your dating life and unlock your dating potential. So come learn about the things you can do to improve your dating life today!
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00 We humans have made the finding a partner ritual so complicated that even experts are
00:05 still finding new tips, tricks, and hints.
00:08 This dance can often feel unnatural to us, making initial forays or revisits after long
00:14 breaks unnerving.
00:17 We even have a name for the dance.
00:19 Dating.
00:20 It's a jungle out there and we'd like to give you some tips to help you navigate the
00:24 new terrain or help you reacquaint yourself.
00:27 Expansion pack included.
00:29 Number one, know yourself.
00:32 Before you even contemplate who the other person is, you definitely need to know you.
00:38 This will save you an incredible amount of frustration and time if you already know the
00:41 fundamental basics of what you need in terms of values, treatment, beliefs, ideas, and
00:48 support.
00:49 Think of it as the absolute essentials, the deal breakers, if you will.
00:53 For example, you can probably live with a person who likes a different brand of chocolate
00:57 than you, but you might never be able to stay with someone who refuses to comfort you when
01:01 you're crying.
01:03 Spending some time exploring which behaviors you value can help you develop reasonable
01:07 and tangible expectations.
01:09 When you understand this, you can confidently allow yourself to cross off the list those
01:14 who don't meet your needs.
01:16 Number two, go at your own pace.
01:18 Hey, who's in the whole dating thing again?
01:22 That's right, it's you.
01:24 You're a part of this, and so you have every right to decide how you are going to go about
01:29 it.
01:30 Sure, other people may try to nudge you in particular directions, but you are the only
01:33 one who 100% knows what's going on inside and can tailor your speed to it.
01:40 In fact, being rushed could be considered a red flag.
01:43 If someone keeps pushing, rushing, and insisting despite you indicating otherwise, this is
01:48 a sign that the other person can't take no for an answer, which in turn implies just
01:53 how little your needs matter to them.
01:55 Number three, think of each step as practice.
01:59 Do you expect to hit a hole in one the first time you play golf?
02:03 Well, dating is kind of similar.
02:05 It takes practice.
02:07 These days, online meeting through texts, apps, and even online forums is far more common.
02:12 No one you know has vetted these people, and if you are used to meeting people in the traditional
02:17 way, this can be daunting.
02:19 Certain behaviors show up more often than others.
02:21 For example, if you're heteronormative, a woman will have to deal with many messages
02:26 from men with a blunt, aggressively sexual approach, while the men deal with ghosting
02:30 from the ladies.
02:31 Interestingly enough, if you're pursuing a same-sex relationship, there is a tendency
02:35 for less pressure on who sends a message first, and a lot fewer in-your-face inappropriate
02:40 replies.
02:42 Number four, communicate and be honest.
02:45 As nerve-wracking as it might be, dating is supposed to be a good thing, a fun thing,
02:51 and there are a few things less fun than severe discomfort from awkward silences or cringey
02:56 outbursts.
02:57 Quite often, many of these painful dates stem from one or both parties not being honest
03:03 or communicative about their intentions, actual wants, needs, and boundaries.
03:08 Certainly, first impressions are important.
03:11 We're not telling you to go on a first date and you're binge-watching PJs after not having
03:15 brushed your hair.
03:16 Think of it more like, if you're not actually a hot-shot gajillionaire, don't act like
03:21 you can make it rain.
03:23 The truth will out eventually.
03:25 And that leads to seriously awkward, sometimes super embarrassing confrontations.
03:29 Oh, and wasted time.
03:32 So much wasted time.
03:34 You do want to tell just enough so both of you understand each other.
03:39 Spilling everything with all details and history in a torrential flood, especially early on,
03:44 is overwhelming.
03:45 While it may not be advisable to gush marriage on a first date, it's a good idea to be forthcoming
03:51 about why you are dating, whether it's a hookup, a long-term thing, or even just haven't
03:56 met anyone new in a while.
03:58 In the same vein, don't go on and on about past partners, but being honest about the
04:03 big stuff like being widowed or divorced, etc. will help steer interactions in the right
04:09 direction.
04:10 Giving some general but honest info will help avoid red flag status too.
04:15 It's about balance.
04:16 If you're returning to the dating scene after being away for a super long time and give
04:20 no reason, that seems suspicious.
04:23 On the flip side, if you spill every single moment of your past like you're trying to
04:27 find absolution through therapy, this is also not good.
04:31 Okay, number five.
04:32 Watch out for red flags.
04:34 And speaking of those red flags, look out for the four major ones.
04:39 Criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt.
04:45 "But what exactly am I looking for?" you ask.
04:49 Don't worry, we got you covered.
04:52 Criticism isn't a one-off "you're late."
04:54 It's an all-or-nothing thing with the criticism flag.
04:57 So more like "you're always late" or "you never notice me."
05:02 So the movies were right on this one.
05:04 Only a Sith deals in absolutes.
05:07 Defensiveness is like a pre-attack.
05:09 Everything you say becomes the opening salvo for a debate, fight, or guilt trip.
05:14 An offhand comment of "it's raining pretty hard, why'd you park so far away?" gets a
05:18 response of "I don't want my car to get scratched.
05:21 Do you know how much that costs?
05:22 It's just rain, what's your problem?"
05:25 Or asking for fun, "do you think a hot dog is a sandwich?"
05:29 And you get a full-blown insulting tirade about giving inane reasoning to manipulate
05:34 a result.
05:35 I mean, come on, sometimes a question's just a question.
05:40 Criticizing, on the other hand, takes an inactive approach, just like it sounds.
05:44 You say a thing, or trying to talk after a conflict, and the other person doesn't respond,
05:49 or they go offline.
05:51 You explain your stance, and they either act like they don't care, or they simply act like
05:56 you didn't say anything at all.
05:58 Contempt.
05:59 The most sinister of the four horsemen of the epoc- I mean, of dating.
06:04 Contempt goes hand-in-hand with being condescending.
06:07 They'll behave in a mean-spirited manner, humiliating you or otherwise making sure you
06:11 know they're superior in some way.
06:14 So demeaning jokes at your expense on a first date?
06:18 Run away.
06:19 In fact, if any of these red flags make themselves clearly, absolutely known, the best course
06:25 of action is to turn and leave.
06:28 And not after giving it a go for a year.
06:30 Leave quickly.
06:32 You'll have noticed that they all entail the flag-bearer not caring about their partner,
06:37 or at worst, using their partner as a tool.
06:40 Like a sport, though, dating also has a yellow flag, where there's unease, but you're not
06:45 really sure if it's really a thing.
06:48 When in doubt, ask an expert.
06:50 You could also sit back and ask yourself how you'd feel if this treatment was being received
06:56 by someone close to you.
06:57 When put in that light, we tend to lose the rosy glasses of initial dating forgiveness.
07:02 6.
07:03 Tell someone you know where you are and be aware of your surroundings.
07:07 I know you've been watching those docuseries, or at least have seen the newsfeeds.
07:12 You know the ones, where the aftermath involves a friend or family member of the victim saying,
07:16 "We had no idea where they were."
07:19 If only.
07:21 Always let someone you trust know where you are and with who.
07:24 You never know when something may happen.
07:27 It might be something petty, like, "This is super awkward.
07:29 Can you conveniently show up or call so I can leave this date?"
07:33 Or, on the other hand, it could possibly save your life.
07:36 As much as we're all digitally connected, always remember that someone you met online
07:40 or while waiting for coffee is not someone you know.
07:44 Dating is complex.
07:46 We want to arm you with your best chance, so stay tuned for part two.
07:51 And take that stride and pride.