"I’m child-free by choice – it’s selfish to have kids"
A woman child-free by choice says it’s "selfish" to have kids and people should make a "conscious decision" to not be parents.
Chandler Carter, 24, grew up believing becoming a mum was the next step in life until she went to college and saw child-free women "thriving".
She realised it wasn’t something she wanted and now spends her time travelling two to three times a year and splashes out on nice dinners and nights out.
Chandler says it can be "selfish" to have a child to have a "mini me" or for a "legacy".
She would prefer to “regret” not having a child - rather than regretting motherhood.
Chandler, a social media manager, from New York City, US, said: “I want to be child-free.
“You can be happy. I’d rather regret not having children than having a child and regretting the role of being a mum.
“I don’t fault people for having children but the reasons are selfish.
“People want them to be a better parent than theirs were or because they want a mini me.
“Having a child is inherently selfish.”
Up until college Chandler thought she would go on to get married and have children.
She said: “I’d convinced myself I wanted two to three kids.
“I saw women thriving in their career and who were child-free.
“I saw all these possibilities.”
Now living in New York, Chandler has big dreams to own a penthouse and one day move to Europe.
She doesn’t currently see children in her future.
She said: “I’m in my 20s living in New York City. We go out, we have fun. We spend money frivolously.
“I can go to happy hour after work. I don’t have to cook if I don’t want to.
“I’m a big foodie, I love to eat out.
"Sometimes I spend a little too much money on dinner and drinks but I don't feel bad.
“My cost of living is cheaper – I only provide for me.
“If I were to have children, living in New York wouldn’t be an option.
“Things in my life would have to change – sacrifices I wouldn’t want to make.”
Chandler likes to be able to travel two to three times a year – jetting off to Spain to see Beyoncé, and taking trips to Italy, Costa Rica and Utah this year.
She said: “I’m loving the freedom in being able to pick up and go.”
Despite wanting to be an auntie to her friends' kids one day, Chandler believes having children is “selfish” and encourages people to think about if it’s something they want.
She said: “I think a lot more people should make a conscious decision to not be parents instead of thinking that’s the next step in life.
“A lot of people believe the steps in life are you go to college, get a job, find a partner, get married, have kids and buy a house.
“I don’t think a lot of people think about having children. They do it because that's all they see.”
Chandler is open about wanting to remain child-free when dating – and has had a positive response since she has.
She said: “Prior to that I got looks and asked ‘why wouldn’t you want to be a mum?’
“People don’t take the decision seriously.
“They say ‘you’re going to change your mind’ or ‘you’ll be lonely’.
“I want my life to be mine until the day I die.”
Chandler Carter, 24, grew up believing becoming a mum was the next step in life until she went to college and saw child-free women "thriving".
She realised it wasn’t something she wanted and now spends her time travelling two to three times a year and splashes out on nice dinners and nights out.
Chandler says it can be "selfish" to have a child to have a "mini me" or for a "legacy".
She would prefer to “regret” not having a child - rather than regretting motherhood.
Chandler, a social media manager, from New York City, US, said: “I want to be child-free.
“You can be happy. I’d rather regret not having children than having a child and regretting the role of being a mum.
“I don’t fault people for having children but the reasons are selfish.
“People want them to be a better parent than theirs were or because they want a mini me.
“Having a child is inherently selfish.”
Up until college Chandler thought she would go on to get married and have children.
She said: “I’d convinced myself I wanted two to three kids.
“I saw women thriving in their career and who were child-free.
“I saw all these possibilities.”
Now living in New York, Chandler has big dreams to own a penthouse and one day move to Europe.
She doesn’t currently see children in her future.
She said: “I’m in my 20s living in New York City. We go out, we have fun. We spend money frivolously.
“I can go to happy hour after work. I don’t have to cook if I don’t want to.
“I’m a big foodie, I love to eat out.
"Sometimes I spend a little too much money on dinner and drinks but I don't feel bad.
“My cost of living is cheaper – I only provide for me.
“If I were to have children, living in New York wouldn’t be an option.
“Things in my life would have to change – sacrifices I wouldn’t want to make.”
Chandler likes to be able to travel two to three times a year – jetting off to Spain to see Beyoncé, and taking trips to Italy, Costa Rica and Utah this year.
She said: “I’m loving the freedom in being able to pick up and go.”
Despite wanting to be an auntie to her friends' kids one day, Chandler believes having children is “selfish” and encourages people to think about if it’s something they want.
She said: “I think a lot more people should make a conscious decision to not be parents instead of thinking that’s the next step in life.
“A lot of people believe the steps in life are you go to college, get a job, find a partner, get married, have kids and buy a house.
“I don’t think a lot of people think about having children. They do it because that's all they see.”
Chandler is open about wanting to remain child-free when dating – and has had a positive response since she has.
She said: “Prior to that I got looks and asked ‘why wouldn’t you want to be a mum?’
“People don’t take the decision seriously.
“They say ‘you’re going to change your mind’ or ‘you’ll be lonely’.
“I want my life to be mine until the day I die.”
Transcript
00:00 It irks people so much when you tell them you literally don't want to have kids.
00:04 I have been very sure of this.
00:07 I'm 24.
00:08 I always go, "Oh, you're gonna change your mind, da da da da da."
00:10 If I have kids, I will be shocked and everybody around me that knows me will also be shocked
00:14 as well.
00:15 I don't know why, but it really strikes a nerve in people when you tell them you want
00:20 your life to be yours.
00:23 I want my life to be mine until the day that I die.
00:26 What is wrong with that?
00:28 So while the act of parenting is technically or supposed to be selfless, having a child
00:36 is inherently selfish.
00:39 And I have a longer video that I posted about this like a minute ago, so please go watch
00:43 that.
00:44 But like I said in that video, I think a lot more people should make the conscious decision
00:50 to not be parents instead of thinking that that is the next step in life.
00:54 And the people that get irritated with you when you tell them you don't want to be a
00:56 parent are the people that are parents and like honestly resent their children and resent
01:02 their decision.
01:03 From the day you become a parent, you will always be a parent until one of y'all dies.
01:09 And I don't want that responsibility.
01:12 And one more note, a lot of y'all should have pets before you have kids so you can really
01:17 see how much work it is.
01:18 What it's like to care for something.
01:20 And then a lot of y'all probably won't have kids and the world will be a lot better for
01:24 it.
01:25 But I'm gonna be honest, some of y'all should not be parents.
01:29 And you should know yourself well enough to know that.