Inspiring Women of Goalcast: Trapped in a painting that was about to crack, AdaPia found the strength to step out of the frame she built around her life.
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00 As much as I would like to say that I married for love, I didn't.
00:06 I had an amazing life.
00:09 Right out of college I got married, I moved to Italy, to Lake Como, which is one of the
00:13 most beautiful places in the world.
00:16 I would ride around in my Vespa, wind in my hair, sun in my smiling face.
00:23 I had what you would imagine to be this renaissance painting.
00:28 So I had it all, picture perfect life, on the outside.
00:33 But on the inside, it was a different story.
00:36 On the inside, it was like that painting was cracking and peeling.
00:41 So what was wrong?
00:44 Everything.
00:46 I didn't know it, but I hated myself.
00:49 And I kept it up, I kept up this painting, especially for me, my parents.
00:54 I could not let my parents know, especially not my dad.
00:57 He would kill me.
00:59 And I spent nine years suppressing what my heart was telling me, suppressing my emotions,
01:06 ignoring them.
01:07 No.
01:08 But I was lost, broken, I was afraid.
01:12 We were driving along the lake.
01:14 We were going to see some friends that had just had their third baby, so we veer up to
01:18 go to the hospital.
01:19 And the whole time in the car that we're going there, there was something inside of me that
01:23 just something was not sitting right.
01:25 I was not feeling okay.
01:28 We get there, go up to the maternity ward floor.
01:31 I just couldn't handle, I didn't know what was wrong.
01:34 And I go down this hallway, it's eerily empty, huge.
01:38 And I find a place on the wall and I just brace myself.
01:42 And I don't know what's going on.
01:44 And this feeling is just getting stronger.
01:47 Shame and blame.
01:49 How could you?
01:50 You're such a horrible person.
01:51 It was just going over and over and over again.
01:54 I just wanted to jump out of the window and sink to the bottom of the lake.
01:58 And I'm standing there and I'm just, what is wrong with me?
02:05 And all of a sudden, all this screaming in my head just stopped.
02:10 And I'm looking at myself.
02:14 And I was so clear, I was finally clear.
02:17 Because there was only one decision that I could make.
02:24 I had to leave.
02:25 I had to leave this life.
02:27 I had to leave the marriage.
02:29 I had to leave everything.
02:31 And I didn't know how because I had trapped myself in that painting that I meticulously
02:38 curated for nine years.
02:41 And there was so much at stake.
02:42 I didn't want to hurt my husband.
02:44 He wasn't a bad person.
02:45 He was a great person.
02:48 My family, our friends, nine years of relationships.
02:51 And then I would have to face people.
02:55 I was going to get blamed.
02:56 I was going to be hated.
02:57 I was going to get yelled at.
02:59 My dad was definitely going to kill me.
03:02 I was so afraid, but I made the decision anyway.
03:05 Because for the first time in a really long time, I made a decision for myself.
03:11 And for me, one of the most difficult ones was calling my dad and telling him.
03:18 And I still remember calling him and I said, "I'm so sorry.
03:25 I'm so, so sorry."
03:28 And he pauses and doesn't say anything and I'm ready.
03:33 And he says, "Atapea, come home.
03:38 Since you're not happy, come home."
03:48 I had no idea that he wanted me to be happy.
03:53 I had all these stories of what I thought he wanted for me, of what other people wanted.
04:00 But the truth only came out when I had a conversation about it.
04:05 Those uncomfortable conversations are the ones we really need to have.
04:11 If he thought that my happiness was important, then maybe it was important.
04:18 Maybe happiness is important.
04:22 What I found when my life fell apart, when that painting of my life lit on fire, I found
04:31 something I never expected to find.
04:33 I found a masterpiece.
04:37 I found the part of me that knows the truth, that never veers from the truth.
04:46 I found my soul.
04:48 And whether you call it that for yourselves, know that that voice inside of you is the
04:56 voice that knows what's right for you.
04:58 [MUSIC PLAYING]
04:59 [MUSIC PLAYING]
04:59 [MUSIC PLAYING]
05:09 [MUSIC PLAYING]
05:19 [MUSIC PLAYING]