How to Marry a Millionaire (1953) HD Full Movie

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Transcript

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00:08:20 >> Is Mr. Benton here yet?

00:08:23 The agent for the apartment.

00:08:24 >> Oh yes, miss.

00:08:25 He's in there waiting for you now.

00:08:26 >> Thank you.

00:08:27 >> Good morning, Mrs. Bates.

00:08:31 >> I do hope I haven't kept you waiting too long.

00:08:33 >> Not in the least.

00:08:34 I'm afraid I have a little disappointment for you, though.

00:08:36 You won't be able to meet Mr. Denmark, the owner.

00:08:38 He flew to Europe this morning.

00:08:40 >> Oh dear, I am disappointed.

00:08:41 Wasn't that awfully sudden?

00:08:43 >> Oh, very.

00:08:44 But you know how those income tax people are when you skip a whole year.

00:08:47 And the result is, of course, that a longer lease is now possible.

00:08:53 >> Open if you don't mind.

00:08:58 >> Hm?

00:08:59 Oh, oh, certainly, certainly.

00:09:02 >> All right.

00:09:03 >> Hold on, Elise.

00:09:10 Not that it matters if he's going to insist on a thousand a month.

00:09:13 That's what I wanted to see him about, personally.

00:09:16 >> Oh, he won't be needing the place for years now.

00:09:18 I hear Mr. Whiskers really blew his top this time.

00:09:21 >> You mean he can't come back to this country?

00:09:24 >> It would be, I understand, the very height of folly.

00:09:27 >> Oh, I see.

00:09:29 Well, that throws an entirely different light.

00:09:33 Where's that lease?

00:09:35 >> I'm afraid I haven't got it with me.

00:09:37 >> Oh, never mind.

00:09:38 You can have it.

00:09:39 This is for two months, the first and the last.

00:09:42 That's the deal, isn't it?

00:09:44 >> That's correct.

00:09:45 How soon would you like to take possession?

00:09:47 >> Oh, anything wrong with right now?

00:09:50 >> Nothing at all.

00:09:51 It's a little unusual, of course, but--

00:09:53 >> Oh, thank you so much, Mr. Benton.

00:09:55 You've been awfully kind.

00:09:56 >> Oh, thank you, Mrs. Page.

00:09:58 It's a genuine pleasure to do business with a woman of such decision.

00:10:01 We in the real estate--

00:10:02 >> Bye now.

00:10:03 >> Oh, yes, of course.

00:10:05 Well, I almost forgot.

00:10:08 How long shall I make the lease for?

00:10:10 >> Oh, a year will be quite enough, thank you.

00:10:12 >> Oh, well, don't you think you ought to have it?

00:10:15 [footsteps]

00:10:17 >> Yes?

00:10:32 >> Bingo.

00:10:33 >> I'll be right over.

00:10:35 [music]

00:10:38 >> To the left.

00:10:42 >> Thanks.

00:10:43 [music]

00:10:45 >> All right, put 'em on.

00:10:57 No men here yet.

00:10:59 I got here in a hurry.

00:11:00 Shall I take a taxi?

00:11:02 >> No, I didn't have enough money for a taxi.

00:11:04 I had to get the Chrysler people to demonstrate their new showboat for me again.

00:11:08 >> The one with the gold trim?

00:11:10 >> Was it gold?

00:11:11 I didn't want to put on my specs with the driver there, you know.

00:11:14 >> The one they sent for me had gold trim.

00:11:17 >> Oh.

00:11:18 Wow.

00:11:20 >> Smooth, huh?

00:11:23 >> Creamy.

00:11:25 Are we really in?

00:11:26 >> Built in.

00:11:28 >> I'll call local.

00:11:29 >> Local who?

00:11:31 >> You know, that girl I was telling you about from Jersey.

00:11:33 Do you remember?

00:11:34 >> You didn't tell me her name was Local.

00:11:36 >> It isn't.

00:11:37 It's just what the other models call her.

00:11:39 It means crazy, you know.

00:11:41 >> That's what I know.

00:11:43 >> Hello?

00:11:44 Bingo.

00:11:45 >> Hold that for a minute, will you?

00:11:46 >> Just a minute, Loc.

00:11:47 >> I can't shack up with a dame I never even met, and she's crazy too.

00:11:50 >> You don't have to if you don't want to.

00:11:52 All I'm going to do is ask her to come up here.

00:11:54 If you don't like her, that's the end of it.

00:11:56 >> Is she class?

00:11:57 >> Is she?

00:11:58 Didn't I tell you she's been on the cover of Harper's Bazaar three times already?

00:12:02 >> And she knows how to handle it?

00:12:03 >> Well, let's see if she does.

00:12:06 Loc?

00:12:07 >> Yes?

00:12:08 >> How much money you got?

00:12:09 >> I've got a quarter.

00:12:10 >> That's wonderful.

00:12:12 Stop in on your way up here and pick up something for lunch for us.

00:12:15 >> How many?

00:12:16 >> Three.

00:12:17 >> Okay, just as soon as I get something on.

00:12:20 >> Well, there's a fine contribution to a million-dollar proposition.

00:12:23 One whole quarter.

00:12:25 >> Maybe.

00:12:26 But she's awful clever with a quarter.

00:12:32 I just don't know how I'll ever be able to thank you enough.

00:12:35 I'm still so embarrassed.

00:12:37 >> You have no reason to be.

00:12:38 Anybody can forget their money.

00:12:39 I've done it myself.

00:12:40 >> I know, but -- oh, hi, honey.

00:12:43 >> Come on in.

00:12:44 >> Come in.

00:12:45 >> Thank you.

00:12:46 >> This is a gentleman I met at the cold cuts counter.

00:12:48 What did you say your name was?

00:12:50 >> Tom Brookman, B-R-O-O-K-M-A-N, Brookman.

00:12:53 >> Oh, well, this is my friend, Miss Paula Debevoise.

00:12:55 >> How do you do?

00:12:56 >> Oh, and this is Miss Page, isn't it?

00:12:58 >> Mrs. Page.

00:12:59 >> How do you do?

00:13:00 It was very funny.

00:13:02 I was ordering some pastrami and potato salad, and I heard Miss Dempsey explaining she only had a quarter with her.

00:13:06 >> You can just set that down.

00:13:07 We'll take it from here.

00:13:08 >> Oh, wouldn't you like me to put them in the kitchen?

00:13:10 >> No, I don't think you'd better.

00:13:12 The cook's not dressed.

00:13:13 >> Oh, really?

00:13:15 >> Thank you very much.

00:13:16 >> Well, I thought perhaps --

00:13:17 >> Some on the day, if you don't mind.

00:13:18 Why don't you give us a ring next week?

00:13:20 >> But I don't know your number.

00:13:21 >> That's all right.

00:13:22 It's in the book.

00:13:23 >> Well, thank you very much, Mr. Brookman.

00:13:24 >> But I don't know your first name.

00:13:26 >> He was really very nice.

00:13:28 I thought he might have lunch with us.

00:13:30 >> Look, the first rule of this proposition is that gentleman callers have got to wear a necktie.

00:13:34 I don't want to be snobbish about it, but if we begin with characters like that, we might just as well throw in the towel right now.

00:13:41 [ Music ]

00:14:00 >> Thanks, Nick, for keeping the change.

00:14:02 >> All right.

00:14:05 >> All done, Mr. Brookman.

00:14:06 >> Bye, Pete.

00:14:07 [ Music ]

00:14:12 >> The next thing you've got to remember is that a gentleman you meet among the cold cuts is simply not as attractive as one that you meet, say, in the mint department at Bergdorf's.

00:14:20 >> But he was cute, don't you think?

00:14:22 >> Sure he was.

00:14:23 But then I never met one of those gas-pumped jockeys that wasn't.

00:14:26 >> Is that what he is?

00:14:27 >> You bet your life he is.

00:14:28 I know those guys.

00:14:29 I married one once.

00:14:31 He was a very cute fellow.

00:14:33 >> I didn't know you were really married.

00:14:35 She just got back from Reno.

00:14:36 Oh, then you must be loaded.

00:14:39 >> No.

00:14:40 Well, I was one of those divorces you don't read about, the wife finished second.

00:14:44 >> But that's against the law, isn't it?

00:14:46 >> I was absolutely nuts about that guy, and you know what he did to me?

00:14:50 First off, he gives me a phony name.

00:14:52 Second, it turns out he was already married yet.

00:14:54 Third, from the minute the preacher said "amen," he never did another tap of work.

00:14:59 The next thing I knew, he'd stolen my television set and given it to a carhop.

00:15:03 When I ask him how about that, he hits me with a chicken.

00:15:05 >> A live chicken?

00:15:06 >> No, a baked chicken, stuffed.

00:15:09 >> He sounds incompatible to me.

00:15:11 >> Well, last I saw of him, I stepped out of the car for a minute at a gas station and had to walk home.

00:15:18 >> Well, I'm surprised you'd ever want to get married again.

00:15:22 >> Oh, but that's the point about this whole setup.

00:15:25 Of course I want to get married again.

00:15:27 >> It doesn't.

00:15:29 It's the biggest thing you can do in life.

00:15:35 The way most people go about it, they use more brains picking a horse in the third at Belmont than they do picking a husband.

00:15:41 >> Do they really?

00:15:42 >> It's your head you've got to use, not your heart.

00:15:44 >> Oh, I see.

00:15:45 Tell me your idea about this apartment.

00:15:48 >> Well, to put it simply, the idea is this.

00:15:50 If you had your choice of everybody in the world, which would you rather marry, a rich guy or a poor one?

00:15:56 >> I think I'd rather marry a rich one.

00:15:58 >> All right, then.

00:15:59 Where would you be more likely to meet a rich one, in a walk up on Amsterdam Avenue or in a joint like this?

00:16:05 >> Well, I should say in a joint like this.

00:16:09 >> Okay, then that's it.

00:16:11 We're all working steady, so we throw everything we make into the kitty and get a little organization into this marriage caper.

00:16:17 Class address, class background, class characters.

00:16:20 To be specific about it, nothing under six figures a year.

00:16:24 >> I've never heard anything so intelligent in my life.

00:16:26 >> Well, if you want to catch a mouse, you set a mouse trap.

00:16:29 >> So all right, we set a bear trap.

00:16:31 >> All we've got to do is one of us has got to knock off a bear.

00:16:34 >> You mean marry him?

00:16:36 >> Well, if you don't marry him, you haven't caught him.

00:16:38 He's caught you.

00:16:40 >> All my life, ever since I was a little girl, I've always had the same dream, to marry a zillionaire.

00:16:47 >> Do you know who I'd like to marry?

00:16:49 >> Who?

00:16:50 >> Rockefeller.

00:16:51 >> Which one?

00:16:52 >> I don't care.

00:16:54 I wouldn't mind marrying a Vanderbilt or a Mr. Cadillac.

00:16:59 >> No such person, I checked.

00:17:01 >> Is there a Mr. Texaco?

00:17:04 >> No.

00:17:06 >> But how about one of those rich maharajahs?

00:17:08 >> How about three of them?

00:17:10 Wouldn't that be wonderful if we had three of them up for dinner and they all married us?

00:17:14 >> Think of all those diamonds and rubies.

00:17:16 >> And all those crazy elephants.

00:17:20 >> This is really living it up, isn't it?

00:17:23 >> People that live any other way are just crazy.

00:17:26 >> I wonder who's going to pay for it.

00:17:28 >> Yeah, how about that?

00:17:29 >> Well, I'll tell you.

00:17:32 >> I knew it couldn't let us.

00:17:33 >> Relax, will you, and somebody break open that other bottle.

00:17:43 >> Good afternoon.

00:17:44 I'm Mr. Bennett of the Bennett Music Company.

00:17:46 Are you the lady here?

00:17:47 >> I am.

00:17:50 >> The reason I called you is, what do you give me for this piano?

00:17:55 Cash?

00:17:58 >> Well, it's a very handsome instrument.

00:18:08 >> Really, Paula, I think she's the most intelligent person I guess I ever met.

00:18:14 >> Well, it's not in first class condition, you understand, but we might be interested in paying you, say, $2,500?

00:18:23 >> Take it.

00:18:28 >> Well, kids, where are we tonight?

00:18:32 >> Stock for $2,100.

00:18:35 [ Music ]

00:18:55 >> Hello?

00:18:56 >> Is this Trafalgar 75098?

00:18:59 >> Yes.

00:19:00 >> Who's this, Miss Page?

00:19:01 >> Yes, who is this?

00:19:03 >> This is Tom Brookman.

00:19:05 >> Oh.

00:19:06 >> You remember me?

00:19:07 >> Oh, sure, but --

00:19:08 >> Well, I kept thinking about you, but I didn't realize who you were until I picked up an old magazine this morning.

00:19:13 >> What do you mean?

00:19:15 >> You were Miss Steinbach Beer last year.

00:19:17 >> Why, yes, I believe I was.

00:19:20 >> And isn't that you jumping around the girdle in all those ads in the magazines?

00:19:23 >> I wouldn't exactly call it jumping around.

00:19:25 I'm supposed to be dancing.

00:19:27 >> The reason I called, I was wondering if you wouldn't have dinner with me some night, whatever night you say.

00:19:32 >> What about tonight?

00:19:34 >> I'm afraid I can't tonight.

00:19:36 >> Tomorrow night?

00:19:37 >> I'm sorry.

00:19:39 >> What about Thursday night?

00:19:41 >> Listen, Mr. Brookman, you're wasting your time on this number.

00:19:43 Don't call it again, will you?

00:19:45 [ Music ]

00:20:00 >> Kid, Paula.

00:20:02 >> Yes?

00:20:07 >> Do you think we'll ever be able to get this job off the ground?

00:20:09 >> What do you mean?

00:20:11 >> Well, here we are nearly three months and we can't even get ourselves engaged, much less married.

00:20:15 >> I could have got engaged last week if I wanted to.

00:20:18 >> Who to?

00:20:19 >> That English fellow.

00:20:20 >> What English fellow?

00:20:22 >> You know, that tall one that borrowed $5 from me.

00:20:25 >> That's what I mean.

00:20:27 >> We are set up strictly for the carriage trade.

00:20:30 What do we get?

00:20:31 You hook a schnook who takes you for a fin, I get an invitation to Hamburger Heaven for dinner,

00:20:35 and Loke shows up every evening with a gentleman she's met in the old drugstore with five more shower caps and three quarts of aspirin tablets.

00:20:42 Where do you think that's going to get us?

00:20:45 >> I don't think it's us.

00:20:47 I think it's the men these days.

00:20:49 They're getting more and more nervous, especially the loaded ones.

00:20:53 >> Meanwhile, where are we going to sit next week?

00:20:56 >> Well, we're both trying, you know.

00:20:58 It isn't always easy to find out right away how much they're worth or if they're married or not.

00:21:03 They're looking like you're prying into their private affairs.

00:21:06 >> Well, something's got to break soon or we're going to be out on the sidewalk.

00:21:10 And all we need, you know, is just one.

00:21:13 That's the beautiful thing about a bear trap.

00:21:15 You don't have to catch a whole herd of them.

00:21:18 All you need is one nice big fat one.

00:21:21 [doorbell buzzes]

00:21:23 >> Probably Miss Pertham boy again with another load of dollar day Kleenex.

00:21:27 [music]

00:21:32 >> Thanks.

00:21:34 Oh, hello, Shotzi.

00:21:36 >> Hello.

00:21:37 >> This is -- I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?

00:21:40 >> Hanley, J.D. Hanley.

00:21:41 >> Of course.

00:21:42 This is Shotzi Page and this is Paula Dugleflies.

00:21:45 >> How do you do?

00:21:46 >> How do you do, lady?

00:21:47 >> I met Mr. Hanley in the mink department at Bergdorf's.

00:21:50 >> Really?

00:21:51 >> Yes, the clerk was nice enough to --

00:21:53 >> Oh, you ought to excuse the state of this apartment.

00:21:55 We've just had everything out to be cleaned.

00:21:57 But if you don't mind coming into the dining room.

00:21:59 >> Of course not.

00:22:01 [music]

00:22:06 >> With the maid off today, we're more or less roughing it, as you might say.

00:22:10 Won't you sit down?

00:22:11 >> Oh, thank you very much, but I can't stay.

00:22:13 I just came along to help Miss Dempsey with her bundle.

00:22:16 >> Mr. Hanley's from Dallas, Texas.

00:22:18 >> Oh, really?

00:22:20 >> In the oil business.

00:22:21 >> Oh, a little oil, but mostly stock.

00:22:24 >> Stocks and bonds?

00:22:25 >> No, none of that sort of thing for me.

00:22:27 My stock is white-faced Hereford, cold.

00:22:30 >> Come again?

00:22:31 >> Cattle.

00:22:32 >> You know, like cows.

00:22:33 >> Oh, I see.

00:22:35 Are you sure you won't sit down for just a little while?

00:22:38 >> Oh, I haven't time right now.

00:22:40 But what I was talking to Miss Dempsey about, there's a little organization that I'm a member of, the Oil Institute.

00:22:45 Kind of elder statesman of the business.

00:22:48 We're having a little informal reception tonight.

00:22:50 Now, if you young ladies would honor us with your presence, I'm sure you'd make us all very happy indeed.

00:22:55 >> You mean nothing but oil men?

00:22:57 >> Well, not exactly.

00:22:58 Probably a few bankers, too.

00:23:00 >> Oh, bankers would be all right, don't you think?

00:23:03 >> Well, naturally.

00:23:04 >> I realize this is a little sudden and unconventional, but there'll be dancing and a few drinks and a few laughs, perhaps.

00:23:11 >> Sounds just creamy to me.

00:23:12 I like laughs.

00:23:14 >> Then it's a deal?

00:23:15 >> I'd love it.

00:23:16 >> That's wonderful.

00:23:17 I'll see you up along about 830, if that's all right.

00:23:19 >> Will we meet some of the other gentlemen, too?

00:23:21 >> Oh, all of them.

00:23:23 And don't worry, they're not all crocs like me.

00:23:26 >> What on earth are you talking about?

00:23:27 >> Oh, you're not allowed.

00:23:28 >> You look just the prime to me.

00:23:30 >> Well, thank you very much, ladies.

00:23:32 You've already made my trip to New York worthwhile.

00:23:36 Bye now.

00:23:37 >> Bye.

00:23:38 [door slams]

00:23:44 [music]

00:23:51 >> I think this is it, kids.

00:23:53 A great big room full of nothing but rich millionaires.

00:23:57 And us.

00:23:59 [music]

00:24:06 >> It brings us down to 1947.

00:24:09 >> I think it's a very good idea.

00:24:11 Where should we go?

00:24:12 >> Well, there's a new place.

00:24:18 >> Good evening, madame.

00:24:19 >> Good evening, sir.

00:24:20 >> Do you have a table for two?

00:24:21 >> Certainly, sir.

00:24:22 This way, madame.

00:24:24 [music]

00:24:36 >> Champagne?

00:24:37 >> We might as well.

00:24:42 >> Oh, a table for two, Philip?

00:24:44 >> Certainly, madame.

00:24:45 Will you come this way, please?

00:24:46 >> The best you know.

00:24:47 >> Certainly, sir.

00:24:51 >> The best we have, sir.

00:24:56 >> A quart of champagne.

00:24:57 >> What kind, sir?

00:24:59 >> The best you've got.

00:25:00 >> Very good, sir.

00:25:02 Good evening.

00:25:03 >> Good evening.

00:25:04 Two, please.

00:25:05 >> This way, please.

00:25:12 >> This way, my dear.

00:25:13 >> I'm so sorry.

00:25:18 >> I am sorry.

00:25:28 >> Did you say you were alone here?

00:25:30 >> Oh, there's quite a party of us up here in Texas.

00:25:33 >> All men?

00:25:34 >> Oh, some wives, too.

00:25:36 You met some of them this evening.

00:25:38 The others went to a show.

00:25:40 You know how the women are when they get to New York.

00:25:42 >> I know.

00:25:43 >> I think Ella has seen five shows in the last four years.

00:25:47 >> I see.

00:25:49 >> Ella is my daughter.

00:25:50 >> Oh, really?

00:25:52 Is Mrs. Merrill here with you?

00:25:55 >> There is no Mrs. Merrill.

00:25:57 And I live in New York.

00:25:59 Does that clear the situation a bit for you?

00:26:02 >> Oh, yes, indeedy, it does.

00:26:05 Are you married?

00:26:07 >> Married?

00:26:08 I sometimes think I'm the most married man in the USA.

00:26:12 Do you know how many females were at my wedding?

00:26:15 Do you know how many females were at my house when I left there tonight?

00:26:19 >> No.

00:26:20 I can't say that I do.

00:26:22 >> Seven.

00:26:23 My wife.

00:26:25 Her sister, who is divorced.

00:26:26 And I don't blame the guy for a second.

00:26:29 Their mother, who must be 110 if she's a day.

00:26:33 An aunt from North Attleboro, Massachusetts.

00:26:37 And three more whose names I didn't even catch.

00:26:40 To tell the truth, I never really felt the loneliness of being a widower until the past few years.

00:26:48 At first there were children, you know, to keep me company.

00:26:52 But they're grown up now.

00:26:55 My son's married.

00:26:56 Ella's engaged.

00:26:58 And I must confess the house is beginning to seem pretty vacant and empty.

00:27:02 >> I can imagine.

00:27:04 >> I suppose that's why I've done so much traveling lately.

00:27:07 I've been to England and south of France, Catherine and so on.

00:27:11 But that's really no good, you know.

00:27:13 >> Oh, no, I know.

00:27:14 No good at all.

00:27:16 >> A couple of years ago I charted a boat.

00:27:18 Not large, but quite comfortable.

00:27:21 Took about six months just loafing around the world.

00:27:25 But it was no use.

00:27:28 I suppose there's really only one cure for loneliness.

00:27:32 >> Yes?

00:27:34 >> Human companionship.

00:27:36 >> You're so right.

00:27:37 You just don't know how right you are.

00:27:39 >> I'm not accustomed really to going out publicly with a married man.

00:27:43 And if I'd had a chance to ask you at the party, I don't know that I would have accompanied you here.

00:27:48 >> Well, this is all quite innocent, isn't it?

00:27:50 >> Well, if it is, it's the first time I ever ran into it under similar circumstances.

00:27:57 >> Of course my first impulse was to go directly to Arabia myself and take a good look to see how the situation.

00:28:03 I was certain that those chaps from Siconian Standard of New Jersey would have somebody on the spot.

00:28:08 After all, there's quite a tight little sum involved, $200 million or $300 million.

00:28:14 And naturally I wasn't going to take any chances.

00:28:17 >> Well, naturally.

00:28:19 >> Trouble is, it looks like I've got a thing for guys that work in gas stations.

00:28:23 I never met one yet that didn't send me.

00:28:26 This one handled a pump for Standard Oil.

00:28:29 >> You don't own that, do you?

00:28:32 >> Oh, no, no.

00:28:34 Standard Oil is one of the interests of a man named, I believe, Rockefeller.

00:28:39 >> Is he a friend of yours?

00:28:41 >> No, no, I'm afraid not.

00:28:45 >> Oh, well.

00:28:46 But as I was saying.

00:28:48 >> When you live in a lunatic asylum like that, you've just got to get out of town every now and then, you know what I mean?

00:28:53 >> Perfectly.

00:28:55 >> But I've got that all fixed now.

00:28:57 I've got me a lodge up in Maine.

00:28:59 I love lodges.

00:29:04 >> You do?

00:29:05 >> Simply adore them.

00:29:08 >> You mean you'd like to see mine?

00:29:13 >> Well, I was speaking more figuratively than relatively.

00:29:18 >> Because if you would, I'm going up there Friday afternoon.

00:29:24 >> Simply adore him.

00:29:35 If you want to know what kind of a guy I've got.

00:29:41 All I can say is I'm a very happy woman.

00:29:43 Not only is Mr. Hanley a perfect doll, but he's absolutely unaffiliated.

00:29:47 >> You don't think he's a little old?

00:29:49 >> Oh, grow up, will you?

00:29:50 Men with that much dough are never a little old.

00:29:52 Mine's loaded, too, but he's a real yawn.

00:29:55 >> Yeah, and he doesn't even look single to me, either.

00:29:57 >> He's not.

00:29:58 >> Well, what are you wasting your time on him for?

00:30:00 >> What else have I got?

00:30:01 Unless you'd like me to lose him and join you and your friend.

00:30:04 >> You do, and I'll break your neck in front of this whole restaurant.

00:30:07 >> Besides, he's inviting me to a big party.

00:30:09 >> Oh, yeah?

00:30:10 When?

00:30:11 >> We're leaving Friday afternoon.

00:30:12 >> Leaving for where?

00:30:13 >> His lodge in Maine.

00:30:15 >> Are you out of your mind?

00:30:16 >> I don't think so.

00:30:17 I like lodges.

00:30:19 >> Well, you can't go.

00:30:20 You're a violation of the whole idea, and you know it.

00:30:22 >> But why is it?

00:30:23 I could meet somebody else up there, couldn't I?

00:30:25 >> Who are you going to meet in Maine, Eskimos?

00:30:29 >> Did you see this fellow I'm with?

00:30:31 >> I saw him.

00:30:32 >> What's he look like?

00:30:33 >> Very nice for a one-eyed man.

00:30:35 >> Is that all he's got?

00:30:36 >> What do you think he's got that patch on for?

00:30:38 >> I didn't know it was a patch.

00:30:39 I thought somebody might have belted him.

00:30:41 >> Honestly, Paula, why can't you keep those cheetahs on long enough to see who you're with, anyway?

00:30:45 >> No, no, I'm not going to take a chance like that.

00:30:47 You know what they say about girls who wear glasses.

00:30:49 Maybe somebody shot him in the eye.

00:30:51 >> He sounds just wonderful.

00:30:52 I was naturally curious to know what he looked like.

00:30:54 >> Who is he?

00:30:55 >> I don't know that, either.

00:30:56 But he hasn't mentioned anything under a million dollars yet.

00:31:00 >> My guy's real class.

00:31:02 Never mentions his wealth, just refers to it.

00:31:05 >> All Mr. Brewster talks about is what a horrible family he's got.

00:31:08 But I'll say this for him.

00:31:09 We haven't ordered anything yet under $5 a portion.

00:31:12 >> If there's anything left over, don't forget to tell the waiter you want to take it home for the dog.

00:31:16 >> I'll hang back before they cool off.

00:31:21 >> Where is Maine, anyway?

00:31:24 [music]

00:31:27 [music]

00:31:29 [music]

00:31:48 [music]

00:32:10 >> Take that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that.

00:32:17 And charge it.

00:32:18 >> Settle in, Mrs. Henley.

00:32:20 [music]

00:32:22 [engine rumbling]

00:32:39 >> Next stop, Revere, sir.

00:32:41 [music]

00:32:46 [speaking in foreign language]

00:32:56 >> Is he kidding?

00:33:08 >> No, it's an old custom of the East to make the stranger feel welcome.

00:33:12 >> You can tell him from me, I think he's simply a doll.

00:33:15 And I couldn't be crazy about these old Eastern customs.

00:33:18 [music]

00:33:21 [music]

00:33:23 >> Hello, Fashion House.

00:33:44 Is Mr. Antoine in for Mr. Brookman?

00:33:47 Thank you.

00:33:49 Mr. Antoine.

00:33:51 >> Tony?

00:33:55 How you boy?

00:33:56 >> How are you, Mr. Antoine?

00:33:57 >> Fine, fine.

00:33:58 Tell me, how you fix for stuff for Florida? Beach stuff and all that kind of stuff.

00:34:01 >> You mean old drive?

00:34:02 >> Yeah, I got an aunt I want to get some stuff for.

00:34:04 >> How old is she?

00:34:05 >> About 25. Very young type aunt.

00:34:07 >> I'm sure I can accommodate you.

00:34:09 >> Could I see it on him?

00:34:10 >> Today?

00:34:11 >> That's right. That's the idea.

00:34:13 Tony, you know a model named Shotzi?

00:34:15 >> Who?

00:34:16 >> Shotzi.

00:34:17 >> Oh, Mrs. Page.

00:34:19 >> That's the one.

00:34:20 >> Oh, nice joint you got here, Tony.

00:34:26 >> Thank you, sir.

00:34:27 >> Sit here?

00:34:28 >> If you'll excuse me.

00:34:30 >> Your aunt, Doctor, is she blonde or brunette?

00:34:33 >> Depends entirely on the weather.

00:34:35 >> The way I'm going to handle it, I'm not going to do any stalling at all with Mr. Hanley.

00:34:38 >> What are you going to do? Mother him?

00:34:40 >> Oh, no, that's all right for kids, but I don't think a mother is exactly what Mr. Hanley has in mind.

00:34:47 Our first we call Rainbow Over the Everglades.

00:34:50 It's a pastel plaid silk organza day dress with a voluminous skirt for cocktail parties and afternoon gatherings.

00:35:10 You know, of course, that diamonds are a girl's best friend, and this is our proof of it.

00:35:16 You're not really thinking of going away with that chart head, are you?

00:35:38 >> Oh, for heaven's sakes, no.

00:35:40 >> You're on, Lo.

00:35:41 >> Oh, goodness.

00:35:42 >> This one we call Lookie, Lookie, Lookie.

00:35:46 It begins as a spectator sports dress.

00:35:53 >> Look at you.

00:35:55 >> Hi.

00:35:56 >> Which converts into a one-piece play costume of jersey and checked matching wool.

00:36:03 [ Music ]

00:36:15 Our next we call Good Afternoon, Sweetheart.

00:36:18 This is an afternoon tea dress which plunges in the back rather than the front.

00:36:23 Made of imported printed sheer with parasol to match.

00:36:28 [ Music ]

00:36:42 >> You like that, monsieur?

00:36:44 >> Comme ci, comme ça.

00:36:46 >> That guy is really the end of the line.

00:36:49 >> I still think he's kind of cute.

00:36:51 >> Who is he?

00:36:53 >> That garage man.

00:36:54 >> What garage?

00:36:56 >> You know that fellow I got with the cold cuts.

00:36:58 >> Trouble in the afternoon.

00:37:00 A beach boy's shirt of pink and white gingham with a deep rose crushed kumquat.

00:37:05 And a cooley hat of natural straw.

00:37:08 [ Music ]

00:37:12 Hard-hearted Hannah is a palm beach stroller consisting of mustard crash pants

00:37:19 and a shirt-tailed blouse of gray and white silk.

00:37:23 [ Music ]

00:37:27 Next we have double frozen daiquiris, a beach costume of sleek blue pants of fine wool

00:37:33 with a wrap around of tie silk.

00:37:35 You will notice the Egyptian influence in the bizarre raffia hat.

00:37:39 [ Music ]

00:37:42 South of the border is Mexican braids of black cotton twill,

00:37:46 a tamale-colored serrape and a peon straw hat.

00:37:51 [ Music ]

00:37:57 >> Can I take another look at that pink and blue job?

00:38:00 >> But of course, sir.

00:38:02 >> Miss Shatsy.

00:38:05 [ Music ]

00:38:30 >> Much obliged, Tony.

00:38:32 >> Not at all, sir.

00:38:34 [ Music ]

00:38:37 >> Did you see anything I could put aside for you?

00:38:39 >> Nope. I don't see anything here that I want.

00:38:41 >> Thanks again, Tony.

00:38:43 >> All right, girls. Thank you.

00:38:45 [ Music ]

00:38:48 >> Mr. Antoine.

00:38:50 >> Yes.

00:38:52 >> I know that guy. He's a screw pot.

00:38:53 >> A screw pot?

00:38:55 >> He's making a jump out of you.

00:38:56 >> Miss Shatsy.

00:38:58 >> Yes.

00:38:59 >> Do I tell you how to put on a girdle?

00:39:00 >> You bet your sweet life you don't.

00:39:03 [ Music ]

00:39:06 [ Train Whistle Blowing ]

00:39:22 [ Train Whistle Blowing ]

00:39:41 [ Bell Ringing ]

00:40:03 >> Mr. Brewster.

00:40:05 >> Yes. I'll take these.

00:40:08 [ Train Whistle Blowing ]

00:40:13 >> Forward.

00:40:15 [ Train Whistle Blowing ]

00:40:32 [ Train Whistle Blowing ]

00:40:38 >> You're not the regular driver, are you?

00:40:40 >> No, sir. Pa's a regular driver.

00:40:42 But he went to a Republican rally last night and didn't get up this morning.

00:40:46 >> Certainly is a funny place for it.

00:40:49 >> Funny place for what?

00:40:51 >> A convention.

00:40:54 [ Train Whistle Blowing ]

00:41:13 >> What's this?

00:41:15 >> The lodge, naturally.

00:41:17 >> This house?

00:41:20 [ Noise ]

00:41:31 >> It'll look better when I get a fire going.

00:41:34 >> But where are the others?

00:41:36 >> Other what?

00:41:38 >> Members.

00:41:39 >> I'm sorry, Miss Dempsey.

00:41:41 I don't know what you're talking about half the time.

00:41:43 What members?

00:41:45 >> You said it was a lodge, didn't you?

00:41:47 >> I did, and it is.

00:41:49 Mother and I went to an Elks Lodge convention in Philadelphia two years ago,

00:41:53 and there were thousands of members there.

00:41:55 And it was one of the happiest times of our lives.

00:41:57 >> Is that what you really thought this was?

00:41:59 >> But naturally. What else?

00:42:01 >> Where do you want these?

00:42:03 >> Back in the car.

00:42:05 >> What's the matter? Something wrong?

00:42:07 >> No, we're just going back to New York, that's all.

00:42:09 >> Well, not today you're not. No more trains till tomorrow.

00:42:11 >> Oh, it may slit my throat.

00:42:13 >> Would you like a fire?

00:42:15 >> Yeah, I was about to.

00:42:18 >> Never saw so much snow in my life.

00:42:19 >> I'm sorry about all this, Miss Dempsey.

00:42:21 If you'll just be patient, I'll try to get you out of here as soon as I possibly can.

00:42:25 >> I figured I might have to put on some of those skis, but not in all this snow.

00:42:29 >> I'll tell you what.

00:42:31 I have some old Medford rum in the pantry.

00:42:33 I'll get a drink for you.

00:42:35 And meanwhile, maybe you'd like a little music.

00:42:37 >> Meanwhile, maybe I'd like a little poison, too.

00:42:41 [ Music ]

00:42:48 >> You got radio all the way up here?

00:42:50 >> Oh, sure. Radio, houses, everything.

00:42:52 >> Here, maybe you better take the first one straight.

00:42:55 >> Just listen to that music.

00:42:57 All the way from New York.

00:42:59 Good old Harry James.

00:43:01 >> Is it really? How can you tell?

00:43:03 >> How I can tell it's Harry James because it is Harry James.

00:43:08 >> Ladies and gentlemen, you are listening to the music of Ziggy Colombo,

00:43:11 coming to you from the Crystal Room...

00:43:13 >> Turn that liar off.

00:43:15 >> Why don't you stop acting like a spoiled brat and behave yourself?

00:43:18 I've never been mixed up in a situation like this before,

00:43:21 and as long as I'm in my right mind, I never will again.

00:43:24 But it's not doing either of us any good to stand around here and jaw at each other.

00:43:28 >> I feel awful. All tingly.

00:43:31 >> Well, I wish I did.

00:43:33 Drink it, drink it.

00:43:37 >> Is this rum?

00:43:38 >> It's Medford rum. It's over a hundred years old.

00:43:41 >> Then I'm sick. I've got a fever. Call a doctor immediately.

00:43:45 >> What are you talking about?

00:43:47 >> I've got a fever, I tell you. Whenever rum smells like a carnation, I've got a fever.

00:43:51 We've got to get a doctor right away.

00:43:53 >> Hey, look, there's no reason to get hysterical about it.

00:43:55 >> Don't you hit me.

00:43:57 >> I'm not going to hit you. I just want to feel your forehead.

00:43:59 >> There's a thermometer outside the door.

00:44:01 >> Well, get it, get it.

00:44:03 >> Will you please call a doctor? I know when I've got a fever.

00:44:06 >> Are you going to call a doctor or not?

00:44:07 >> I can't call a doctor. Everybody knows me here. Don't you understand?

00:44:11 >> What am I supposed to do, die because you've got a big name around here or something?

00:44:15 >> It's a little large, but...

00:44:18 >> Is there a hospital around here?

00:44:20 >> Open your mouth.

00:44:22 >> What's that?

00:44:24 >> Open your mouth. I want to take your temperature.

00:44:26 >> Not with that flute.

00:44:28 >> It's not a flute. It's a thermometer. Look.

00:44:30 >> But that's not for people. It's for blizzards.

00:44:32 >> Open your mouth, I tell you.

00:44:35 >> Take that out.

00:44:36 >> If it was my daughter, you know what I'd do?

00:44:45 >> Well, she's not your daughter.

00:44:47 >> And she's not my daughter either, if that's what you're driving at.

00:44:50 >> How much is it?

00:44:54 >> A hundred and two.

00:44:56 >> Is that bad?

00:44:58 >> Well, it's definitely a slight temperature.

00:45:00 >> Well, maybe you call it slight in the city of New York,

00:45:02 but in the state of Maine, she ought to be in bed.

00:45:04 >> I'm going to die. I know it.

00:45:05 I'm going to die out here in this jungle.

00:45:07 >> If you want me to, I'll call Ma. She's a practical nurse.

00:45:10 >> What good will that do?

00:45:12 >> Well, we can tell her the symptoms. She'll give us the answers.

00:45:14 >> All right, all right, all right.

00:45:16 But be very careful what you tell her.

00:45:18 >> Tell her what you tell me to tell her.

00:45:20 [phone rings]

00:45:22 >> Hazel?

00:45:26 >> Eben.

00:45:28 >> Bring Ma, will you?

00:45:30 >> Brewster's Lodge.

00:45:33 >> I hear it's his skis.

00:45:35 >> If it's Mom's, I'll die.

00:45:37 >> Ma?

00:45:39 So what's it a sign of when a girl is shivering and shaking

00:45:41 and has a temperature of a hundred and two?

00:45:43 Her eyes watering?

00:45:46 >> Like two faucets.

00:45:48 >> They're watering.

00:45:50 Look at her tongue.

00:45:52 It looks kind of red.

00:45:55 Tongue's blotchy.

00:45:57 Look behind her ears.

00:46:00 Have you been scratching yourself?

00:46:01 >> Of course not.

00:46:03 Models aren't allowed to scratch.

00:46:05 >> Breaking out behind the ears.

00:46:07 Uh-huh.

00:46:10 Uh-huh.

00:46:12 Uh-huh.

00:46:14 Uh-huh.

00:46:17 I see.

00:46:19 Okay, thanks, Ma.

00:46:21 You got nothing to worry about.

00:46:24 >> What is it?

00:46:26 >> Measles.

00:46:29 >> Measles?

00:46:30 >> And I've got nothing to worry about.

00:46:32 >> Get her to bed, Ma says,

00:46:34 and keep her quiet in a room dark

00:46:36 so you can avoid complications.

00:46:38 She'll be as good as new in a week or two.

00:46:40 >> Oh!

00:46:45 [sobbing]

00:46:46 >> Keep it.

00:47:01 Keep the blood.

00:47:03 >> Yes, sir.

00:47:14 >> Hiya, Mike.

00:47:15 >> Well, for goodness sakes,

00:47:17 how are you, Mr. Denmark?

00:47:19 I thought you were in Europe.

00:47:21 >> I was.

00:47:23 Come back here.

00:47:25 You're a friend of mine, aren't you?

00:47:28 >> You bet your life, sir.

00:47:30 >> Yeah, well, I'm a little jammed

00:47:32 with the income tax department,

00:47:34 and I need your help.

00:47:36 >> Anything you want, sir.

00:47:38 I've had a little trouble with those people myself

00:47:40 from time to time.

00:47:42 >> They're businesswomen, I believe.

00:47:43 >> Yeah, well, I've got to get in there for a few minutes.

00:47:45 Think you can arrange it?

00:47:47 >> You can get in there now, sir.

00:47:49 They're both out for the evening.

00:47:51 One of them's with a Texas fella,

00:47:53 and the other's with the one-eyed man.

00:47:55 >> How about the other one?

00:47:57 >> Oh, she's away at an Elks' convention.

00:47:59 You want me to wait here?

00:48:01 >> Yeah, if you can.

00:48:03 >> If I get a buzz, I'll come back.

00:48:05 That's not them.

00:48:07 They never get in till 2 or 3.

00:48:09 I'll be right back.

00:48:11 [door opens]

00:48:12 [music]

00:48:23 [music]

00:48:25 [music]

00:48:26 [music]

00:48:28 [music]

00:48:30 [music]

00:48:32 [music]

00:48:34 [music]

00:48:36 [music]

00:48:38 [music]

00:48:40 [music]

00:48:42 [music]

00:48:44 [music]

00:48:46 [music]

00:48:48 [music]

00:48:50 [music]

00:48:53 [music]

00:48:54 [music]

00:48:56 [music]

00:48:58 [music]

00:49:00 [music]

00:49:02 >> I told him. I should have left the lights on.

00:49:04 >> What'll you have to drink?

00:49:06 >> Milk, if you don't mind.

00:49:08 [door slams]

00:49:10 >> Milk? Well, if we've got any.

00:49:12 Go to the kitchen, will you?

00:49:14 I'll be there in a minute.

00:49:16 [water running]

00:49:22 [water running]

00:49:23 [water running]

00:49:25 [water running]

00:49:27 [water running]

00:49:29 [water running]

00:49:31 [water running]

00:49:33 [water running]

00:49:35 [water running]

00:49:37 [water running]

00:49:39 [water running]

00:49:41 [music]

00:49:43 [music]

00:49:45 [music]

00:49:47 [music]

00:49:49 [music]

00:49:51 [music]

00:49:52 [music]

00:49:54 [music]

00:49:56 [music]

00:49:58 [music]

00:50:00 [music]

00:50:02 [music]

00:50:04 [music]

00:50:06 [music]

00:50:08 [music]

00:50:10 [music]

00:50:12 [music]

00:50:14 [music]

00:50:16 >> Is that the best we've got?

00:50:18 >> Apparently.

00:50:20 But it's all I want.

00:50:21 Chancy, you've made my visit a very pleasant one.

00:50:25 And I'd like to do something to show my appreciation.

00:50:29 >> Oh, don't be silly, J.D.

00:50:31 >> Tell me something.

00:50:33 Is this furniture really out to be cleaned, or is there some other explanation?

00:50:37 >> You don't have to worry about that.

00:50:40 >> Did you sell it, or hock it?

00:50:43 >> Well, we sold it.

00:50:46 >> Will they sell it back?

00:50:49 >> I don't know.

00:50:50 [music]

00:50:52 [music]

00:50:54 [music]

00:50:56 >> And now, dear Chancy, I'm afraid we must say goodbye.

00:51:01 >> Goodbye? But I thought you were staying until next week.

00:51:05 >> I was. But something has happened that I would never have dreamed of.

00:51:09 And I think the wisest thing I can do is to get out of here at once.

00:51:14 >> What do you mean?

00:51:17 >> Do you remember the first time I came into this apartment with Loki?

00:51:19 >> Yes.

00:51:21 >> I came in here a subtle, aging widower.

00:51:24 With the pattern of my life all laid out for the rest of my days.

00:51:27 >> Really?

00:51:29 >> But that isn't the way I went out of here.

00:51:31 >> You didn't?

00:51:33 >> Tell me, do you believe in love at first sight?

00:51:36 >> Oh, absolutely, J.D.

00:51:38 No question in the world about it.

00:51:40 >> Well, I don't. Not at my age, anyway.

00:51:43 >> Oh, will you stop talking about your age?

00:51:46 You'd think you were as old as Methuselah.

00:51:47 Don't you know you're right in the very prime of life?

00:51:50 >> How old are you?

00:51:52 >> Forty.

00:51:54 >> Oh, Shotzi, Shotzi, that's probably the sweetest lie you've ever told.

00:52:02 Twenty-five would be a little more like it, wouldn't it?

00:52:05 >> Oh, but look here, J.D., you don't want to go jumping to conclusions, do you?

00:52:08 >> Look, it's no use, darling.

00:52:10 I'm fifty-six years old. Thirty years older than you.

00:52:15 By your standards, anyway, an old man.

00:52:17 Now, we might be able to support this difference for another four or five years, perhaps.

00:52:23 But what happens when I'm truly old?

00:52:26 >> But listen, J.D., I hate young men.

00:52:30 [Sizzling]

00:52:32 >> Thank you very much.

00:52:44 >> That's all right.

00:52:46 >> Have you got to go already?

00:52:48 >> I'm afraid so.

00:52:50 >> You will? Nighty-night.

00:52:52 >> Nighty-night.

00:52:56 >> Well, what I'm trying to tell you, J.D., is that I've always liked older men.

00:52:59 Look at Roosevelt, look at Churchill, look at that old fellow, what's his name, an African queen.

00:53:04 Absolutely crazy about him.

00:53:06 So, you see, J.D.

00:53:08 >> Help me.

00:53:10 >> Hello. Come in.

00:53:12 >> I hope I'm not intruding.

00:53:14 >> You're entitled to such a hope, I believe.

00:53:16 >> Oh, don't let her kid you, Paula. I've got to be going anyway.

00:53:18 >> So early?

00:53:20 >> Yes, I'm flying home tomorrow morning.

00:53:22 >> Oh, no.

00:53:24 >> I've got to.

00:53:25 Goodbye, my dear. It's been a great pleasure knowing all you girls.

00:53:28 >> Goodbye, J.D. Come back, will you?

00:53:30 >> Someday, perhaps.

00:53:32 Goodbye.

00:53:34 >> When did your plane leave?

00:53:37 >> Nine o'clock.

00:53:39 >> Don't you believe anything I say at all?

00:53:41 >> I believe that nothing could be more wonderful for me than marrying you.

00:53:47 And nothing worse for you.

00:53:50 >> Will you call me before you go?

00:53:53 >> No, that's too early for you.

00:53:54 Farewell.

00:53:57 Good night, darling.

00:54:00 >> What's the matter with him?

00:54:10 >> I ought to punch you right smack in the nose.

00:54:13 >> What did I do?

00:54:15 >> Nothing. Nothing but break up a play on the two-yard line, that's all.

00:54:18 >> Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Shotzi. Really, I am.

00:54:22 >> Little Miss Bobblehead is terribly, terribly sorry indeed.

00:54:24 >> I was just so anxious to tell you the news.

00:54:26 >> What news?

00:54:28 >> We're going to be married.

00:54:30 >> You and who?

00:54:32 >> Me and Stuart.

00:54:34 >> You mean Blinky?

00:54:36 >> Yes, and if he doesn't have to fly to London this weekend, he's going to take me down to meet his mother this Saturday.

00:54:40 >> Down where?

00:54:42 >> Atlantic City.

00:54:44 >> Oh. What did you say this guy did?

00:54:47 >> Oil, darling. Simply barrels of it.

00:54:51 >> Says he, huh?

00:54:52 >> But of course. You ought to hear him talk about it. Really.

00:54:55 >> I think we ought to put a check on that one.

00:54:58 >> Why? I don't know what you mean.

00:55:00 >> Nobody's mother lives in Atlantic City on Saturday.

00:55:03 [phone rings]

00:55:05 >> Hello?

00:55:09 >> Miss Page?

00:55:11 >> That's right. It's still no.

00:55:14 [thud]

00:55:15 [music]

00:55:18 [music]

00:55:20 [music]

00:55:21 [music]

00:55:26 [music]

00:55:34 [music]

00:55:43 [music]

00:55:44 >> Now, who on earth ever thought of this?

00:55:56 >> Thought of what?

00:55:58 >> Skiing on snow.

00:56:00 >> Well, what else would you ski on?

00:56:02 >> Why, the natural way, like in Florida, on water.

00:56:04 >> Ski on water? Why, you--

00:56:06 >> Ow! No!

00:56:08 [music]

00:56:11 [music]

00:56:12 >> Mrs. Salem?

00:56:24 >> Here she is now.

00:56:26 [humming]

00:56:28 >> How are you feeling?

00:56:31 >> Don't mind how I feel. Where have you been?

00:56:33 >> Sitting on a mountain.

00:56:35 >> Who with?

00:56:37 >> Nobody.

00:56:39 >> I'm here to see a man with a manicure.

00:56:40 >> What was his name?

00:56:42 >> Eben.

00:56:44 >> You've got to be careful there.

00:56:46 You don't want to get mixed up with a fella like that.

00:56:48 >> Don't I?

00:56:50 >> Never.

00:56:51 >> Well, then who do you think I ought to get mixed up with?

00:56:53 >> I won't always have measles, you know.

00:56:55 >> Say, you are getting bitter.

00:56:57 >> You just wait till we get back to New York.

00:56:59 >> I don't dig you sometimes.

00:57:01 >> What do you mean?

00:57:03 >> Is your wife a spook?

00:57:05 >> Of course not. She's a very wonderful woman,

00:57:08 and a very good brother.

00:57:09 >> I mean it.

00:57:11 >> Then why did you flip like this?

00:57:13 >> Pardon?

00:57:15 >> What set you off that night?

00:57:17 >> Oh, well, for one thing, you're a very beautiful young woman.

00:57:19 >> I know.

00:57:21 >> For another, I was a little upset that evening.

00:57:23 My daughter had just run away and got married.

00:57:25 >> Well, for goodness sakes, what's wrong with that?

00:57:27 >> What was wrong with that was the fella's no good.

00:57:29 He's a gigolo.

00:57:31 >> Oh, really? Maybe I know him.

00:57:33 What's his name?

00:57:35 >> His name's Martinez.

00:57:37 >> He's a buffer, weds, heiress.

00:57:38 >> Well, she isn't one anymore.

00:57:40 >> What do you mean?

00:57:42 >> I disinherited her.

00:57:44 >> Disinherited her? Well, there's one thing I'll say for poor people.

00:57:46 They don't go around disinheriting their children.

00:57:48 >> Well, obviously. They've got nothing to disinherit them with.

00:57:50 >> Say that again?

00:57:52 >> Poor families don't have any money to pass on

00:57:54 from one generation to another.

00:57:56 >> It doesn't make any difference.

00:57:58 My mother, no matter how much money she didn't have,

00:58:00 she wouldn't have disinherited me.

00:58:02 >> Do you mind if we just don't talk about it?

00:58:06 >> Not at all. I like not to talk.

00:58:08 [music]

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00:58:57 >> This is what I want you to see.

00:58:59 >> Nice.

00:59:01 >> It's all mine from the crest of that second ridge

00:59:03 to the north there, all the way around as far as the eye can see

00:59:05 to the west, and back around that way to just about the end

00:59:09 of Old Baldy.

00:59:10 >> All yours?

00:59:12 >> Yep.

00:59:14 >> You mean all those trees and mountains and everything?

00:59:17 >> That's it.

00:59:19 >> Well, for crying out loud.

00:59:21 >> Isn't it beautiful?

00:59:23 >> Isn't that what they call timber?

00:59:25 >> Best in the world.

00:59:27 >> Well, what do you know about that?

00:59:29 >> I think it's the most beautiful sight in the whole world.

00:59:32 >> Well, I certainly don't blame you.

00:59:35 >> Pure and it's clean and beautiful.

00:59:38 >> Pure and it's clean and plenty of room.

00:59:40 >> Do you, uh, do you think you could ever come to like it?

00:59:44 >> Well, I never thought about it before, but I imagine I could.

00:59:49 >> You should see it at night with the moon and the stars

00:59:52 over that mountain.

00:59:54 >> Look, show me again how much is yours.

00:59:57 >> Well, from the crest of that second ridge to the north there,

01:00:01 all the way around to the west as far as...

01:00:05 [HORN BLOWING]

01:00:08 >> It's all right this time.

01:00:25 One went to work, one went to look at the bank,

01:00:27 and the other one's still with the Elks.

01:00:29 >> If I remember correctly, that's about what you said the other night.

01:00:31 >> I know, but this time I'm positive.

01:00:34 [DOOR OPENING]

01:00:35 [MUSIC PLAYING]

01:00:43 [MUSIC PLAYING]

01:00:47 [MUSIC PLAYING]

01:01:15 [MUSIC PLAYING]

01:01:18 [MUSIC PLAYING]

01:01:22 [MUSIC PLAYING]

01:01:26 [MUSIC PLAYING]

01:01:30 [MUSIC PLAYING]

01:01:34 [MUSIC PLAYING]

01:01:38 [MUSIC PLAYING]

01:01:43 [PHONE RINGING]

01:01:45 >> Hello? Oh, hello.

01:01:48 >> Oh, hello.

01:01:50 >> Just a moment. She's not back yet.

01:01:53 >> She isn't?

01:01:55 >> You want to wait?

01:01:57 >> No, thanks. I think I'd better be going.

01:01:59 >> I'll tell her you were here.

01:02:01 >> Thank you.

01:02:03 >> Bye now.

01:02:05 >> Bye.

01:02:07 >> Sorry, darling. Just one of Shotzi's friends just popped in to say hello.

01:02:10 >> Now, I'll tell you what I want you to do.

01:02:12 It seems that I've got to nip down to Washington this evening for dinner

01:02:14 with a certain party whose name I'll tell you later.

01:02:17 >> Yes?

01:02:19 >> But that means that I'll probably have to stay there overnight.

01:02:21 >> So if you don't mind, I'm going to ask you to take the plane down to Atlantic City alone,

01:02:24 and I'll be over from Washington in time to meet you at the airport.

01:02:27 Is that all right with you?

01:02:29 >> Of course it is, darling.

01:02:31 >> Then here's the schedule I suggest.

01:02:33 There's a very good flight from Atlantic City from LaGuardia Airport at 5 p.m.

01:02:39 [ Airplane taking off ]

01:03:09 [ Airplane taking off ]

01:03:16 >> Could you fasten your seatbelts, please?

01:03:19 >> Okay.

01:03:22 [ Airplane taking off ]

01:03:50 [ Airplane taking off ]

01:04:03 >> Well, everything's okay.

01:04:05 Well, I'll be darned.

01:04:11 >> Pardon?

01:04:13 >> Haven't we met before?

01:04:15 >> For goodness sakes, you're their friend of Shotzi's.

01:04:19 >> What happened to you?

01:04:20 >> When?

01:04:22 >> Yesterday. I told Shotzi you were coming back, and she waited for you.

01:04:24 >> I got tied up.

01:04:26 >> Your wife?

01:04:28 >> Oh, I'm not married.

01:04:30 >> That's nice.

01:04:32 [ Airplane taking off ]

01:04:39 [ Airplane taking off ]

01:04:52 >> Look.

01:04:54 >> Yes?

01:04:56 >> Didn't you bring your glasses?

01:04:58 >> What glasses?

01:05:00 >> Don't you wear glasses?

01:05:02 >> Oh, Demi, no.

01:05:04 Whatever gives you that idea?

01:05:07 >> You've got the most peculiar vision I ever saw.

01:05:09 >> Why do you say that?

01:05:11 >> Because you're reading that book upside down.

01:05:13 >> But I'm no such thing.

01:05:15 >> Not you, the book.

01:05:17 >> Oh.

01:05:22 Isn't it silly, though?

01:05:24 >> What is it, astigmatism?

01:05:26 >> No, just blind as a bat.

01:05:28 >> Me too.

01:05:30 >> Oh, really?

01:05:32 Then why aren't you wearing glasses?

01:05:34 >> I am wearing glasses.

01:05:36 [ Airplane taking off ]

01:05:40 >> Well, there you are.

01:05:42 >> I used to be like that.

01:05:44 For years I went around banging into fire plugs

01:05:46 and shaking hands with lamp posts

01:05:48 all because I didn't want to be called four eyes.

01:05:50 And then something happened

01:05:52 which cured me of that sort of thing forever.

01:05:54 >> What was that?

01:05:56 >> One evening I said hello

01:05:58 to three different fellows I owed money to.

01:06:00 >> But it's different with girls, don't you think?

01:06:05 >> How is it?

01:06:06 >> Well, you know what they say

01:06:08 about girls who wear glasses.

01:06:10 >> What are you talking about?

01:06:12 >> Men aren't attentive to girls who wear glasses.

01:06:15 >> Did you ever try it?

01:06:17 >> Uh-oh.

01:06:19 >> You brought them with you, didn't you?

01:06:21 >> Yes.

01:06:23 >> Then why don't you put them on

01:06:25 and find out for yourself?

01:06:27 >> With you?

01:06:29 >> Why not?

01:06:31 >> Well, I don't know.

01:06:34 >> Well, I don't know.

01:06:35 >> Now look, if you're worried about me

01:06:41 I'll tell you right now before you put them on

01:06:43 I already think you're quite a strudel.

01:06:45 >> Honestly?

01:06:47 >> Absolutely.

01:06:49 I've thought so from the first minute I saw you.

01:06:51 >> Well, if you really think so...

01:06:55 >> Go ahead, put them on.

01:07:02 You're crazy.

01:07:03 >> No.

01:07:05 >> You look better with them on.

01:07:07 >> I do?

01:07:09 >> Gives your face a certain mystery.

01:07:11 >> No kidding.

01:07:13 >> And distinction, a certain kind of distinction.

01:07:15 >> Well, what do you know about that?

01:07:18 >> You're already a very good-looking girl, you know,

01:07:20 if you don't mind my saying so.

01:07:22 >> No, not at all.

01:07:24 >> And the glasses, that particular type

01:07:26 gives your face a very interesting difference.

01:07:28 >> What?

01:07:30 >> Difference.

01:07:31 >> You don't think they make me look like an old maid?

01:07:35 >> I've never seen anybody in my whole life

01:07:37 that reminded me less of an old maid.

01:07:39 >> What's your name?

01:07:49 >> So what happened was this.

01:07:59 I sent this check to this fellow, this tax expert,

01:08:00 but instead of paying the tax,

01:08:02 he cashed the check and put the money in his own pocket.

01:08:04 >> But why didn't you tell it to the government?

01:08:06 >> I did, but you know how the government is.

01:08:08 Couldn't be more sympathetic,

01:08:10 but they still wanted to do.

01:08:12 >> Even after you told him that fellow was a crook?

01:08:14 >> What did that mean?

01:08:16 So far as they were concerned, the only crook in sight was me.

01:08:18 I had to have some proof.

01:08:20 That's why I had to get back here and get this check.

01:08:22 >> Well, how do you like that?

01:08:24 >> Then when I found out he'd gone to Kansas City,

01:08:26 I jumped on the plane.

01:08:28 He's either going to kick in with the money

01:08:29 or I'm going to break his neck.

01:08:31 >> Is that where he is, Kansas City?

01:08:33 >> So I understand.

01:08:35 >> Why are you going to Atlantic City?

01:08:37 >> Who's going to Atlantic City?

01:08:40 >> Doesn't this plane go to Atlantic City?

01:08:43 >> What are you talking about?

01:08:46 This is the Midland Sky Chief.

01:08:48 >> Are you kidding?

01:08:50 >> Of course not.

01:08:52 We should be in Kansas City in about 20 minutes.

01:08:54 Why?

01:08:57 >> Oh, nothing.

01:08:58 Just one of those things.

01:09:00 Go on, tell me some more.

01:09:04 Tell me anything.

01:09:07 [plane engine roaring]

01:09:10 [explosion]

01:09:11 [crying]

01:09:14 [music playing]

01:09:18 [plane engine roaring]

01:09:19 [explosion]

01:09:32 [music playing]

01:09:34 >> Does your family live there with you?

01:09:42 >> Oh, no.

01:09:44 They couldn't do that.

01:09:46 >> You mean they have a place of their own?

01:09:47 >> Oh, sure, over at Dexter Mills.

01:09:49 >> I saw a picture in Harper's Bazaar once,

01:09:51 what they call a mountain shack.

01:09:53 It was creamy.

01:09:55 [music playing]

01:09:57 >> Well, here we are.

01:10:04 >> Here we are where?

01:10:07 >> The shack. This is it.

01:10:09 >> Well, what do you mean?

01:10:11 This is a shack.

01:10:13 >> Of course. What did I tell you?

01:10:15 >> Come on, let's go inside.

01:10:16 >> Just a minute.

01:10:18 Is this really on the level?

01:10:20 >> It's what on the level?

01:10:22 >> Well, is this really your home?

01:10:24 >> Well, it is when I'm on duty.

01:10:26 What did you expect?

01:10:28 >> Well, certainly not this.

01:10:30 >> I don't know what you mean, honey.

01:10:32 It's just a forestry lookout station,

01:10:34 but they're all pretty much alike.

01:10:36 >> But if you're so rich,

01:10:38 why couldn't you build yourself a bigger one,

01:10:40 like in Harper's Bazaar?

01:10:42 >> Rich? Who's rich?

01:10:44 >> Well, that's a good one.

01:10:45 Where on earth did you get that idea?

01:10:47 >> But all these trees,

01:10:49 didn't you say they were yours?

01:10:51 >> Oh, mine to watch, sure.

01:10:53 That's part of my job,

01:10:55 but I don't even own a bush.

01:10:57 >> Oh, but I thought,

01:10:59 oh, darling, this is the worst.

01:11:01 >> What's the matter, sweetheart?

01:11:03 I don't get it.

01:11:05 >> I'm so crazy about you.

01:11:07 >> That's wonderful.

01:11:09 I'm crazy about you, too.

01:11:12 >> But I, oh, honey.

01:11:14 >> I see.

01:11:18 What you mean is you're not interested

01:11:20 in a man without trees.

01:11:22 >> That's not it at all.

01:11:24 I'm crazy about you, but I,

01:11:26 if only--

01:11:28 >> Let's not talk about it, do you mind?

01:11:30 >> If only you'd told me.

01:11:32 >> I told you.

01:11:34 I told you the first day we went skiing.

01:11:36 I told you then, that's what I was, a ranger.

01:11:38 >> Is that what you meant?

01:11:41 >> But what else could I have meant?

01:11:42 >> I'm sorry.

01:11:45 I just thought you meant you came from Texas.

01:11:48 [engine starting]

01:11:49 >> What's the matter with your dad this time?

01:12:12 >> He went to another Republican rally.

01:12:14 >> Maybe he'd better join the Democrats.

01:12:17 >> Not in Maine.

01:12:18 Too lonely.

01:12:20 >> Can we rent a car in Portland?

01:12:38 >> I suppose so.

01:12:40 >> You mean we're going to drive back to New York?

01:12:43 >> It'll probably be pretty expensive,

01:12:46 but I think it's the safest way not to be seen by anybody.

01:12:48 When you got the measles,

01:13:01 I wouldn't have given 10 cents for my chances

01:13:03 of getting out of this jam without being caught.

01:13:05 You know what I did?

01:13:07 >> What?

01:13:09 >> I got in long distance with a few friends

01:13:11 out around Chicago and St. Louis.

01:13:13 I had them keep sending telegrams to my wife

01:13:15 that I signed with my name.

01:13:16 All about this unexpected business trip I was on.

01:13:18 Worked like a charm.

01:13:20 >> That sounds very intelligent.

01:13:22 >> I don't like to boast, of course,

01:13:30 but if I hadn't had that little stroke of brilliance,

01:13:32 there could have been a lot of very serious results

01:13:34 in my home and business, too.

01:13:36 >> So what are you going to do about it

01:13:38 to show you're grateful?

01:13:40 >> What do you mean?

01:13:42 >> Whenever a person pulls a rock and skins out of it,

01:13:44 they ought to do something nice for the injured party,

01:13:45 don't you think?

01:13:47 >> For instance?

01:13:49 >> Well, for one thing, you ought to drop into Cartier's

01:13:51 tomorrow morning and get your wife some sort of

01:13:53 little bubble for her wrist.

01:13:55 >> How about some nice flowers?

01:13:57 >> Is that all the grateful you are,

01:13:59 $5 worth of geraniums?

01:14:01 >> Look, if I gave Mrs. Brewster a piece of jewelry

01:14:03 not on her birthday, she'd have 25 private detectives

01:14:05 on my tail within 10 minutes.

01:14:07 >> Well, if you'll pardon my frankness,

01:14:09 I'd be ashamed to admit it.

01:14:11 >> I'll send her a nice box of roses.

01:14:13 >> Look, she's not used to expensive gifts.

01:14:14 Anything more than flowers would upset her terribly.

01:14:16 >> All right, then.

01:14:18 How about doing something nice for your daughter?

01:14:20 >> What?

01:14:22 >> Why don't you inherit her again?

01:14:24 >> I'm sorry, that's quite out of the question.

01:14:26 >> But that wouldn't cost you anything

01:14:28 until you were dead.

01:14:30 >> I'd rather not discuss it if you don't mind.

01:14:32 >> What's the matter with you anyway?

01:14:34 Everybody loves their children, even monkeys.

01:14:36 It's a well-known law of Mother Nature.

01:14:38 >> Mother Nature never had to deal with a gigolo.

01:14:40 >> And what else, pray, were you trying to do?

01:14:42 >> The difference between the two situations

01:14:43 should be quite obvious, even to you.

01:14:45 >> And would you be so kind, Leo, to specify how?

01:14:48 >> If you don't mind, I don't think I care

01:14:50 to debate the question with you.

01:14:52 >> Once you get one foot on the ground,

01:14:54 you're really quite a jerk, aren't you?

01:14:56 >> Where are we now?

01:15:07 >> We'll be crossing the George Washington Bridge.

01:15:09 >> George Washington Bridge?

01:15:11 What are we doing way over there?

01:15:12 >> On the customary routes,

01:15:14 I could be recognized a dozen times.

01:15:16 This side of the river, no one knows me.

01:15:18 It's just another example of the use of intelligence

01:15:21 in a situation like this.

01:15:24 [engine revving]

01:15:26 [engine revving]

01:15:27 [engine revving]

01:15:51 [engine revving]

01:15:52 >> You know, if you've got intelligence,

01:15:59 you don't need much.

01:16:01 If you've got that good old American know-how,

01:16:03 you don't need anything else.

01:16:05 Because the simple truth is

01:16:07 that when the chips are really down,

01:16:09 man is still the master of his own fate,

01:16:11 the captain of his destiny.

01:16:13 [siren blaring]

01:16:15 >> What is it?

01:16:17 >> Motorcycle cops.

01:16:19 [siren blaring]

01:16:20 >> Are you sure you're not on the lam?

01:16:22 [siren blaring]

01:16:24 >> It's all right, just keep moving.

01:16:33 I'm awfully sorry if I'm going too fast.

01:16:35 >> You're all right, just follow me.

01:16:37 [siren blaring]

01:16:40 [siren blaring]

01:16:41 >> Good afternoon, sir.

01:17:00 This is George Washington Bridgeweek,

01:17:02 and the city of New York extends its hearty congratulations

01:17:04 to the happy couple driving a 50-mile-an-hour train

01:17:08 and driving a 50-million-car across our noble canopies.

01:17:10 Hold it.

01:17:12 >> This way, lady.

01:17:14 >> Another smile, lady.

01:17:16 >> Hold it, hold it.

01:17:18 >> I'm sorry I can't give you any more, Mrs. Page,

01:17:27 but you know what the market is these days.

01:17:30 >> It's none tight.

01:17:32 >> Thank you again, Mrs. Page.

01:17:36 [phone ringing]

01:17:37 >> Hello?

01:17:42 >> Mrs. Page?

01:17:44 >> Oh.

01:17:46 It's you again.

01:17:48 Are you good for seconds?

01:17:55 >> Oh, sure.

01:17:57 >> Okay, let's order them now.

01:17:59 >> Two more, Mac, well done.

01:18:01 >> Slap a little chili on that one.

01:18:03 >> You know what the trouble with you is?

01:18:05 You're strictly a hamburger with onions dame

01:18:06 and won't admit it.

01:18:08 >> I wonder how long it took you to work that one out.

01:18:10 >> My guess is that I know you better than you know yourself.

01:18:12 >> Catch it.

01:18:14 >> Cold slop?

01:18:18 >> If I can get it on here.

01:18:20 >> I just don't believe that you're the kind of girl

01:18:22 you pretend to be at all.

01:18:24 >> I'll say this for you, that's quite a line you've got there.

01:18:26 >> Pickles?

01:18:28 >> Thanks.

01:18:30 >> No, it's all an act.

01:18:32 You know as well as I do that money isn't everything.

01:18:34 >> Who told you it wasn't?

01:18:35 >> Nobody had to.

01:18:37 >> Do you ever have any?

01:18:39 >> A little, yes.

01:18:41 >> How do you know it isn't everything?

01:18:43 >> Do you seriously believe that having money

01:18:45 automatically brings you happiness?

01:18:47 >> Oh, no, but it doesn't automatically

01:18:49 depress me either.

01:18:51 >> I don't believe you, Scottsy.

01:18:53 >> Look, Tommy, I'm in a jam here,

01:18:55 don't you understand?

01:18:57 I'm in a very bad financial situation.

01:18:59 If those two kids don't come back again,

01:19:01 I'm on the hook for a year's rent for that apartment.

01:19:03 So what do you think I should do now?

01:19:04 Fall in love with a character who doesn't even own a necktie?

01:19:06 >> Well, haven't they even written to you?

01:19:08 >> How can they? They're illiterate.

01:19:10 >> But listen, honey.

01:19:12 >> It's no use, Tommy boy.

01:19:14 Just as soon as I finish this horse burger,

01:19:16 I never want to see you again.

01:19:18 [phone ringing]

01:19:20 >> Hello?

01:19:22 >> How about taking a look at Miss Liberty today?

01:19:24 >> Well...

01:19:26 [phone buzzing]

01:19:29 [horn honking]

01:19:30 >> If you were solvent,

01:19:34 it would be an entirely different matter.

01:19:36 But I had it once with a grease monkey like you,

01:19:38 and that's all I want of that.

01:19:40 >> Okay, Miss Cafe Society, take a look out there

01:19:42 and give me a rest for a moment.

01:19:44 >> And the truth of the matter,

01:19:46 I don't care what you say,

01:19:48 is that if you're not loaded,

01:19:50 you've already got two strikes on you.

01:19:52 >> I already said okay.

01:19:54 What else do you want me to say about it?

01:19:57 [phone ringing]

01:19:58 [phone buzzing]

01:20:00 [phone ringing]

01:20:02 [phone buzzing]

01:20:04 >> Yes?

01:20:06 >> Tonight?

01:20:08 >> No.

01:20:10 [dramatic music]

01:20:12 >> I mean it, I tell you.

01:20:14 Just as soon as we get home,

01:20:16 I never want to see you.

01:20:18 [dramatic music]

01:20:20 [footsteps]

01:20:22 [footsteps]

01:20:24 [footsteps]

01:20:26 [footsteps]

01:20:27 [footsteps]

01:20:29 >> I'm sorry we can't give you any more, Mrs. Bates.

01:20:31 >> I already laughed at that one.

01:20:33 >> Well, anyway, thanks again.

01:20:35 [footsteps]

01:20:37 [dramatic music]

01:20:39 [footsteps]

01:20:41 [dramatic music]

01:20:43 [footsteps]

01:20:45 >> May I come in?

01:20:47 [dramatic music]

01:20:49 [footsteps]

01:20:51 May I change my mind?

01:20:53 >> Is this on the level?

01:20:55 >> It's on the bottom of my heart.

01:20:56 >> Well, then hold it for just one second.

01:20:58 [footsteps]

01:21:00 [dramatic music]

01:21:02 Fred?

01:21:04 Fred, this is Mrs. Pate.

01:21:06 Grab that furniture man and tell him

01:21:08 to bring that stuff right back up here, you understand?

01:21:10 [footsteps]

01:21:12 Don't even move.

01:21:14 [dramatic music]

01:21:16 [footsteps]

01:21:18 [dramatic music]

01:21:20 [footsteps]

01:21:22 [dramatic music]

01:21:25 [footsteps]

01:21:26 [dramatic music]

01:21:28 [footsteps]

01:21:30 [dramatic music]

01:21:32 [footsteps]

01:21:34 >> Well?

01:21:36 [dramatic music]

01:21:38 >> Yes.

01:21:40 [dramatic music]

01:21:42 [footsteps]

01:21:44 [dramatic music]

01:21:46 [footsteps]

01:21:48 [indistinct chatter]

01:21:50 [dramatic music]

01:21:53 [indistinct chatter]

01:21:54 [dramatic music]

01:21:56 [indistinct chatter]

01:21:58 [dramatic music]

01:22:00 [footsteps]

01:22:02 >> Something wrong, Mrs. Pate?

01:22:04 >> I don't know. I just feel sort of lonely.

01:22:06 >> Your friends?

01:22:08 >> Yeah. I wanted those two dingbats

01:22:10 to stand up with me.

01:22:12 >> Well, there's still a good half an hour

01:22:14 they need, come here.

01:22:16 >> They come now and I'll throw 'em

01:22:18 right out on their necks.

01:22:20 I wanted 'em yesterday.

01:22:22 >> Well, for crying out loud, a party!

01:22:23 >> Wait a minute.

01:22:25 >> There's Loco!

01:22:27 >> Hi!

01:22:29 >> What is it?

01:22:31 >> It's Shafi's wedding, didn't you know?

01:22:33 >> Who to?

01:22:35 >> Dallas, Texas.

01:22:37 >> Wow!

01:22:39 >> Oh, pardon me, but my name is Ding Dong.

01:22:41 >> Oh, how do you do?

01:22:43 >> Did you have much trouble?

01:22:45 >> What do you mean, trouble?

01:22:47 He's absolutely insane about me.

01:22:49 >> No kid, out of his mind.

01:22:51 You know how much he's worth?

01:22:52 >> How much?

01:22:54 >> 30 mil.

01:22:56 >> He's not.

01:22:58 >> Give or take a mil.

01:23:00 >> Oh, isn't that wonderful?

01:23:02 >> Oh, and he's a doll, a perfect doll.

01:23:04 >> What a break.

01:23:06 >> I'm not kidding you, it's a dream marriage.

01:23:08 What about you?

01:23:10 Where have you been all this time?

01:23:12 >> Oh, I went back to Maine.

01:23:14 >> What do you mean, went back to Maine?

01:23:16 >> Well, to tell you the truth,

01:23:18 I got married up there.

01:23:20 >> Oh, he was already married.

01:23:21 >> That's what I thought.

01:23:23 Would you marry?

01:23:25 >> Well, he's not anybody in particular,

01:23:27 just a fella I met up there,

01:23:29 but I'm absolutely crazy about him.

01:23:32 >> How do you like that?

01:23:34 Both of us at the same time.

01:23:36 What does he do?

01:23:38 >> He's a ranger.

01:23:40 >> Cattle, you mean?

01:23:42 >> No, he's a forest ranger.

01:23:44 >> Well, that's not bad.

01:23:46 If you get enough of those trees,

01:23:49 they're really worth something.

01:23:50 How'd you meet him?

01:23:52 >> I don't mean he owns them,

01:23:54 he just watches them.

01:23:56 >> You mean, just looks at them?

01:23:58 >> He's got a little house on top of a mountain

01:24:00 and they keep a lookout for fires,

01:24:02 so all those trees don't burn down.

01:24:04 >> How can he make any dough out of that?

01:24:06 >> He doesn't much.

01:24:08 >> You mean he's a kind of fireman?

01:24:11 >> That's it.

01:24:14 >> Thank you.

01:24:15 >> Mr. Hanley?

01:24:17 >> Judge?

01:24:19 >> You have the license, I suppose?

01:24:21 >> Yeah, right here.

01:24:23 >> Wouldn't you like to meet him?

01:24:30 >> Oh, sure.

01:24:32 Is he here?

01:24:34 >> I'll get him.

01:24:37 (crowd chattering)

01:24:38 >> Hiya, Judsy.

01:24:47 >> Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

01:24:49 >> Congratulations, honey.

01:24:51 We read about it on the plane.

01:24:53 I think it's just creamy.

01:24:55 >> You know how much he's got?

01:24:57 >> How much?

01:24:59 >> 15 mil.

01:25:01 >> Brother!

01:25:03 >> Give or take a mil.

01:25:05 >> Have you been shopping yet?

01:25:06 >> When they open the doors, I fall in.

01:25:08 >> What a break!

01:25:10 >> Where have you been?

01:25:12 >> Kansas City.

01:25:14 >> For what?

01:25:16 >> That's where Freddy and I got married.

01:25:18 >> You mean you married that crowbar?

01:25:20 >> Well, yes.

01:25:22 >> Honest to goodness, Paula, you need a governess.

01:25:24 I could have played that guy as a phony

01:25:26 when I was eight years old.

01:25:28 >> Not Stuart.

01:25:30 I married Freddy.

01:25:32 >> Freddy?

01:25:34 >> Yes, I was on this plane to Kansas City.

01:25:35 >> I thought you were going to Atlantic City.

01:25:37 >> I was, but the first stop to this plane was Kansas City.

01:25:39 >> Never mind, I don't want to hear any more about it.

01:25:41 Just tell me one thing.

01:25:43 Is he holding or not?

01:25:45 >> Well, yes and no.

01:25:47 >> Oh, no, no, no.

01:25:49 Not you, too.

01:25:51 >> I mean he'd be holding if he could get his hands on it.

01:25:53 >> Say that again?

01:25:55 >> Well, he's on the lam.

01:25:57 >> A thief?

01:25:59 >> No, no, he's not a thief.

01:26:01 As a matter of fact, he owns this apartment.

01:26:03 >> He gave this guy a check for his income tax.

01:26:04 >> Well, then what's he on the lam for?

01:26:06 >> Then he went up to break this guy's neck,

01:26:08 but his glasses fell off.

01:26:10 >> Whose glasses?

01:26:12 >> Freddy's, and the guy nearly broke his neck.

01:26:14 >> You mean he's blind, too?

01:26:16 >> Blinder than me.

01:26:18 Here he is.

01:26:23 This is Shotzi, darling.

01:26:25 >> Oh, congratulations, Mrs. Page.

01:26:27 >> Thank you.

01:26:29 Congratulations to you, too.

01:26:32 >> I'm Paula.

01:26:33 >> Glad to meet you.

01:26:35 >> Holy Toledo.

01:26:37 >> Isn't he cute?

01:26:39 >> Just a minute.

01:26:41 >> Two more pounds and she could be arrested for bigamy.

01:26:43 >> Pardon me, Mrs. Page.

01:26:45 >> Yeah?

01:26:47 >> Mr. Hanley would like to know if there's to be a maid of honor.

01:26:49 >> If he can find one.

01:26:51 >> Can't I be it?

01:26:53 >> Matron, I believe, is about the best you can hope for now.

01:26:55 >> Shall I tell him?

01:26:57 >> Take it.

01:26:59 >> Come on, Mousy, before Paula gets here.

01:27:01 >> It's just Shotzi.

01:27:02 Come on.

01:27:04 Here he is.

01:27:06 >> Hi, Mrs. Page.

01:27:08 >> Is that going to be permanent?

01:27:10 >> Oh, no, it's just kind of a brace.

01:27:12 He takes it off at night.

01:27:14 >> Don't you worry.

01:27:16 I'm going to get even with him yet.

01:27:18 I just have to lay a little low for a while.

01:27:20 >> We're going underground right after the ceremony.

01:27:22 >> You don't mind?

01:27:24 >> Love it.

01:27:26 >> Well, congratulations to you, too.

01:27:28 >> I think we'd better get started, Shotzi.

01:27:30 >> Okay.

01:27:31 Tell him to blow the whistle.

01:27:33 >> What?

01:27:40 >> You're still sure?

01:27:42 >> Of course.

01:27:46 [ Music ]

01:28:15 >> Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here.

01:28:17 >> Please.

01:28:19 >> What's the matter, dear?

01:28:21 >> My ankle.

01:28:23 Can you take me back?

01:28:25 >> Why, yes, of course.

01:28:27 [ Background Conversations ]

01:28:34 [ Music ]

01:28:39 >> You're just too nice a guy to get married to.

01:28:41 >> I'm not.

01:28:44 >> You're just too nice a guy to get married to someone

01:28:45 that doesn't love you all out.

01:28:47 >> Was that what it was?

01:28:49 >> What else?

01:28:52 >> Well, I can think of a number of reasons why you should never have

01:28:57 considered me in the first place.

01:28:59 >> Have I hurt you very bad?

01:29:01 >> You have.

01:29:03 But I'll recover.

01:29:06 >> It sounds as though you already have.

01:29:08 >> No.

01:29:10 No, that's just one of the few advantages of age.

01:29:13 Disappointments become a normal part of life.

01:29:15 But what do you think I should tell the guests?

01:29:20 >> Oh, just tell them, Mrs. Page,

01:29:22 it's blown her stack at last.

01:29:24 No one will give you an argument on it.

01:29:26 >> Wouldn't you like to talk it off of her,

01:29:28 so that Lope can pull her?

01:29:30 >> Those bobbleheads.

01:29:32 >> Why do you say that?

01:29:34 >> Did you see what those two goofballs turned up with?

01:29:36 >> Yeah, I saw Lope's forest ranger.

01:29:38 >> A fireman for trees.

01:29:40 >> Seemed like a very nice guy.

01:29:42 >> Seemed like a very nice boy.

01:29:43 >> Did you see what Paula brought back?

01:29:45 >> No.

01:29:47 >> A fugitive from justice.

01:29:49 >> No.

01:29:51 >> And a blind one at that.

01:29:53 >> Young man?

01:29:56 >> As far as I could tell,

01:29:58 back at that Halloween getup.

01:30:00 >> Well, they love him, don't they?

01:30:05 >> Drooling, all four of them.

01:30:09 >> And who is your young man?

01:30:12 >> What young man?

01:30:14 >> The one you're in love with.

01:30:16 >> Who said I was in love with a young man?

01:30:18 >> I did.

01:30:20 >> Well, it's a sin and a shame,

01:30:24 but I guess I've got to admit it, I am.

01:30:28 >> Who is he?

01:30:30 >> What does that matter?

01:30:32 >> Well, I don't think it's unnatural

01:30:34 that I should have some curiosity.

01:30:36 >> He's nothing.

01:30:38 >> Absolutely nothing.

01:30:39 A character straight from character, Bill.

01:30:42 >> Is that his name?

01:30:44 >> Brookman.

01:30:46 >> Brookman what?

01:30:48 >> Tom Brookman.

01:30:50 >> You say he's non-holding?

01:30:52 >> One more hamburger would break him.

01:30:55 >> What does he do?

01:30:57 >> He won't say, but that's nothing to me.

01:30:59 I already know.

01:31:01 >> What?

01:31:03 >> He's a gas pump jockey.

01:31:05 >> How do you know?

01:31:07 >> How do I know how I know?

01:31:09 There's something about those guys

01:31:11 that I can spot every time I see them.

01:31:13 I married one once, remember?

01:31:16 >> Does he really love you?

01:31:18 >> You hear him tell it, he does.

01:31:21 >> What's to stop you marrying him?

01:31:24 >> Nothing now,

01:31:26 but it's scarcely what you call progress.

01:31:29 >> He's here now, you know.

01:31:32 >> Where?

01:31:34 >> Out there.

01:31:36 >> Well, there's a character out there

01:31:37 who looks like a gas pump jockey to me.

01:31:39 >> Has he got on a tie?

01:31:41 >> No, no tie.

01:31:43 >> And at a formal ceremony.

01:31:45 You see what I mean?

01:31:47 >> Degustibus non est disfiephan.

01:31:50 >> Well, you can certainly say that again.

01:31:52 And after I told him I never wanted to see him again, ever.

01:31:55 Who does he think he is anyway,

01:31:57 crashing my wedding?

01:31:59 >> Well, suppose I ask him.

01:32:02 >> Now, just a minute, J.D.

01:32:05 [ Indistinct conversations ]

01:32:07 [ Music ]

01:32:10 >> How are you, Tom?

01:32:18 >> Okay, I guess.

01:32:20 >> Congratulations.

01:32:22 >> Congratulations to you.

01:32:24 >> Don't be funny.

01:32:26 >> It's a little of a character, huh?

01:32:28 >> Well, why not?

01:32:30 All she talks about is dough, dough, dough, nothing but dough.

01:32:32 So, all right, if that's all she wants,

01:32:34 I'll let her have it.

01:32:35 >> Well, that's the way she talks, of course.

01:32:37 But that's not really the way she feels.

01:32:39 >> I'll bet.

01:32:41 What happened there?

01:32:43 >> There was a delayed decision, in your favor.

01:32:45 >> Are you kidding?

01:32:47 >> Not in the least.

01:32:49 >> Did you tell her about me?

01:32:51 >> Of course not.

01:32:53 So far as she knows, you're still hustling a gas pump.

01:32:55 >> I don't believe it.

01:32:57 >> Let's go ask her.

01:32:59 >> Wait a minute.

01:33:01 Wait a minute, J.D.

01:33:03 I'm going to ask her now.

01:33:04 Are you crazy?

01:33:06 She obviously likes gas pump jockeys better than millionaires.

01:33:09 What do you want to do, disillusion the girl?

01:33:12 Mr. Brookman, darling.

01:33:15 >> Well, you've got a crust.

01:33:21 A big formal wedding and you with no necktie.

01:33:23 >> Listen to me.

01:33:25 >> Everybody else here dressed up in striped pants and you show up like a cocksucker.

01:33:27 >> Listen, Shotzi.

01:33:29 >> I mean it, Mr. Brookman.

01:33:32 >> I'm not going to be a cocksucker.

01:33:33 >> Hey, hey, what about a cheese dog burger this time?

01:33:35 >> That's a good idea.

01:33:37 >> Do a chili olive.

01:33:39 Give her a mess show.

01:33:41 >> Following the ceremony, the party adjourned to a rather fashionable greasy spoon,

01:33:44 where perfectly delicious dog burgers were served.

01:33:46 >> What happened to all this rich thinginess everybody was talking about?

01:33:49 >> Oh, it always happens to rich thinginess.

01:33:51 >> I thought you had nothing to worry about.

01:33:53 What did you tell me you were worth, darling, in round figures?

01:33:55 >> Oh, I should say in the neighborhood of $14, give or take a nickel.

01:33:58 >> Oh, that's right.

01:34:01 >> Oh, that's right.

01:34:02 >> How about you, Killer?

01:34:04 How are you fixing?

01:34:06 >> Well, to tell you the truth, if I could get my hands on it, it would be...

01:34:08 >> Yeah, sure, sure.

01:34:10 >> Wait a minute, I want to hear from Mr. Filler-Up.

01:34:12 Just what would you estimate your fortune at?

01:34:14 >> Oh, about $200 million, I should imagine.

01:34:16 >> Oh, not enough.

01:34:18 Might that all be cash?

01:34:20 >> I could probably dig up a couple million cash if I had to.

01:34:22 >> Oh, that's what we want to do.

01:34:24 >> What might the rest be in, Errol?

01:34:26 >> Some oil.

01:34:28 >> Uh-huh.

01:34:30 >> Some airline stock.

01:34:31 >> Uh-huh.

01:34:33 >> A little steel, some cattle down in Texas.

01:34:35 >> Uh-huh.

01:34:37 >> A couple of coal mines in Alabama, a bit of real estate here and there.

01:34:39 >> Real estate?

01:34:41 >> Some automobile stock, the Brookman building, and of course, Brookman, Pennsylvania.

01:34:44 >> Oh!

01:34:46 >> Oh, did he?

01:34:48 >> Wouldn't you know that it happened to me?

01:34:50 >> I'd love to have it.

01:34:52 >> Give me the check, Mac.

01:34:54 >> Yeah, I'm all Illinois.

01:34:56 >> We have, uh...

01:34:58 [Cash rustling]

01:34:59 >> Keep the change, Mac.

01:35:04 [Cash rustling]

01:35:08 >> Gentlemen, to our wives.

01:35:19 [Music]

01:35:43 (dramatic music)

Transcript

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