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00:00 Sabrina the Animated Series Episode 62
00:03 Wiccan of the Sea
00:05 The writer probably doesn't have the guts to actually reference the religion of Wicca in this show.
00:10 After the story wastes my time with blatant padding,
00:13 the story doesn't stop being boring torture with nothing interesting about it
00:17 until Sabrina gets instantly told by her aunt to shovel the walk as soon as she gets home.
00:22 Why didn't she zap away the snow instead of being a psychopath?
00:26 What are the chances that there'd be mortals outside until Sabrina got home?
00:31 And even then, every mortal just assumes they're dreaming when they see magic,
00:36 so she could get away with it.
00:38 She must be insanely selfish if the idea of wasting magic when she could just get her to do it is that tempting to her.
00:46 Chloe surprisingly goes inside, even though she just said she'd help her for no reason.
00:52 Sabrina shovels, and then somehow closing the door causes a bunch of other snow to fall.
00:58 Why doesn't she zap away the snow when there's no one there to witness them?
01:02 Why didn't Chloe tell her to do that?
01:05 She goes on too long about how she hates winter.
01:08 Hilda did it.
01:10 Why is she even considering using spooky when obviously she knows she can warp without trusting a traitor?
01:15 In the 70s comic, Sabrina warped to Hawaii for a vacation because of winter.
01:20 This show is literally the worst show I ever saw.
01:22 I've never seen a show so boring that I kept wanting to skip ahead in it because I knew I would miss nothing.
01:28 Why is there a stipulation where they have to leave this beach in an hour or they won't be able to get home?
01:34 They trip and find out they're mermaids.
01:37 As usual, I have to assume Spooky only did this because he's sadistic, because he would've known they didn't want this,
01:43 and he had absolutely no reason to think he was morally justified in doing this,
01:48 because what was wrong about them hating winter?
01:52 It's not making her a better person.
01:55 Why doesn't Sabrina ever tell her aunt to get rid of Spooky because it's obviously ruining her spells on purpose?
02:01 Sabrina smartly looks on the bright side, and it's also smart of Chloe to agree that there could be worse things.
02:07 So why did he hold back then?
02:09 The only reason there'd be a tidal wave over the island just about now is because of Spooky.
02:15 How are they talking underwater without gurgling?
02:18 They didn't expect this, so they would've been trying to talk the normal way, not using telepathy.
02:24 What is the point of this story?
02:26 To teach you a lesson that you're evil if you want a break from winter?
02:30 We don't need a million stories teaching you to not trust a traitor.
02:34 It's so gutsy that the show actually shows us Salem eat a fish.
02:38 Then why does it ever cut away from slapstick if it shows murder?
02:42 I don't care about anything that goes on in this episode.
02:45 The story encourages that attitude by having these ridiculous-looking creatures talk on Earth for no reason.
02:51 So yeah, Salem could've eaten a sentient being.
02:54 And then having too long without the main characters on screen.
02:58 What got them all to the Dark Place was just too forgettable.
03:02 That's how bad this story is.
03:04 Them being eaten by a giant fish was forgettable.
03:07 How are they not being killed by stomach acid?
03:09 This would only make sense if it was all a dream.
03:12 How are they finding gold coins here?
03:14 And wouldn't Spooky know that making them need to find something to get home only creates the risk that they'll never get back home?
03:21 And the ants will kill him for getting Sabrina and Chloe separated from them?
03:25 He could've very easily gotten them killed.
03:28 He really is evil.
03:30 Chloe tickles the inside of the fish so they end up getting out and getting caught in a net.
03:35 It's cool that she was useful, but Sabrina could've done that.
03:39 Why isn't it ever explained that Sabrina lost her powers as a mermaid?
03:43 I have to assume that.
03:45 And you might not assume that because this would hardly be the only time where she didn't use magic to instantly end a plot.
03:52 Chloe used a seashell to cut through a net.
03:55 Too bad it could've easily been written that Sabrina had the seashell.
03:59 And that's why most of the times she was useful just weren't memorable to me.
04:04 She's never useful for a talent that only she has.
04:08 Anytime she shows a hobby, it's something that she shares with Sabrina.
04:13 Then Chloe gets hailed a lot by fish on a throne because she saved the fish.
04:18 She's gonna be made an ambassador with no qualifications and barely any education.
04:23 Since when do ambassadors get crowns?
04:27 I don't see it as in character for the praise to instantly go to her head.
04:31 It was like this in Witchy Girls too.
04:34 So it's more like I don't want her to be like this.
04:37 She tells Sabrina she can adore her too.
04:40 If she actually wants to stay here, that makes it seem like she doesn't care about her worrying parents.
04:45 How are they all too stupid to realize that their parents are gonna be worried about them?
04:50 Then the story's padded out with a horrible cheesy song.
04:54 Instead of entertaining content.
04:58 Eventually they get faced with an evil giant jellyfish queen.
05:02 She says they have to give her a gift and if she hates it, she'll eat everything and take it all.
05:07 Chloe would think that seashell was a good gift.
05:10 It's obvious that someone evil shouldn't be holding up to her end of the bargain anyways.
05:14 So they just started giving her gift out with desperation.
05:17 Sabrina says she'll take her on and drive a seahorse because it's her only chance to get the hourglass back.
05:24 I'd like to see her run out of time so the ants would have an excuse to beat Spooky with sticks and eventually warp Sabrina home.
05:31 Seriously, why does she think that won't happen if she fails this?
05:35 What's she worried about?
05:37 How does she keep forgetting her ants are magical?
05:40 The race is boring. She just goes ahead and gets the hourglass.
05:44 Sabrina says they've got to get back to the island and the fish want to help them.
05:49 This whole story wouldn't have been resolved if the fish weren't sentient.
05:53 It's like the writer wrote himself into a corner.
05:56 It should have taken place in another world.
05:58 The story could have been written that they had more time.
06:02 The queen gets sent uncontrollably ahead towards a mountain and why doesn't she just leave to save herself?
06:08 What's the point of showing this if we won't see her impacted?
06:12 When they get dropped onto the palm tree, they grab the leaves and get warped home.
06:17 The queen lands in the fisherman's ship and he says he'll get rich.
06:21 Yeah, she would die because she wouldn't be able to keep breathing.
06:26 Okay, at least Spooky did get something very good to happen because he got somebody rich.
06:32 That's what's great about witches.
06:35 Sabrina, Chloe, and Salem share a group hug.
06:38 The writer forces Sabrina to say she's happy to see winter's day when nothing about her suffering would make her think winter is good.
06:45 There's also no way Salem would end up hating tuna.
06:48 This boring waste of time was about Spooky somehow being trusted again and turning Sabrina and her friends into mermaids
06:55 when they clearly only wanted a relaxing day at the beach in the summer.
06:59 And Sabrina could just warp to Hawaii like her aunts did for her in the 70s comic.
07:04 So again, I have to assume he just did this out of sadism.
07:08 There's nothing evil about wanting a break from winter.
07:11 So this proves he's never been doing this to make her a good person.
07:15 He could brainwash her into learning her lesson instead of just risking her getting killed.
07:22 Somehow this cliche-filled boring story causes Sabrina and Chloe to love winter instead of hate it
07:28 when if that was supposed to be the lesson, the way to teach it would be to show the positive things about winter.
07:34 Instead, the only real lesson here is don't trust a traitor.
07:38 And there's no excuse for Spooky never getting karma.
07:41 Looney Tunes is written better.
07:43 The story is too uninteresting and generic to be worth describing, with almost no magic.
07:49 And stealing the idea of Sabrina being a mermaid from a 90s comic with a different plot.
07:54 It would have been better if it did have Wiccans, which the Simpsons had.
07:58 Why not have to just assume Sabrina lost her magic when she was a mermaid
08:02 so that it makes sense that the story isn't resolved instantly?
08:06 The characters would have commented on it.
08:08 How is it realistic that Chloe doesn't tell Sabrina to use magic and Sabrina doesn't think to?
08:13 Or they don't ever explain that she must have lost her powers?
08:16 I wonder how Spooky knows that something he puts her through won't cross the line so much that he'll get punished for it.
08:22 He doesn't, he just takes risks.
08:25 Sabrina the Animated Series, Episode 63.
08:28 Chloe finds their art museum tour lame.
08:32 It's a field trip that bores the audience as much as the kids, so why show so much of it?
08:38 Harvey and Sabrina end up riding on a spinning art sculpture thanks to Harvey,
08:42 because Sabrina was trying to get him down from there.
08:45 And didn't simply use magic to make him float over to her and then tell him he hallucinated it.
08:52 Why did Sabrina make it spin faster with magic instead of using magic to warp away from it?
08:57 Like she's proven she can do in previous episodes.
09:01 She's cutting carrots later while explaining that wasn't her idea.
09:05 Quigley somehow doesn't believe her.
09:08 He bitches that she didn't enjoy herself.
09:11 She has the right not to.
09:13 Quigley says he decided not to punish her, but instead enroll her in piano lessons.
09:19 Sabrina screams no.
09:21 I remember that she still had piano practice she had to do in an earlier episode,
09:26 so apparently this takes place before it.
09:29 And then a pickle somehow flies and saves the vegetable from being guillotined.
09:34 Why have this?
09:36 It's not like it isn't interesting, but we're actually never gonna see these things again.
09:42 It's like the writer got bored writing something too mundane, or thought we would be bored.
09:48 The problem is that we don't have any reason to be emotionally invested in these characters
09:53 because they're not deep or interesting people and we just saw them.
09:57 Sabrina finds the piano teacher handsome, so she's happy.
10:01 So I wonder why she still tells him that her uncle is forcing her to do this and she refuses to be happy,
10:07 which just makes me feel sorry for him.
10:09 Why did he say he sees this lesson as a punishment long after she told him she's doing this under protest?
10:16 He says he's been punished too and he used to be in her school.
10:20 I hate that he speaks too softly.
10:22 It's too hard to hear him.
10:24 And again, she levitates just out of love somehow.
10:28 There's no reason that he would never face her and see her levitation.
10:32 She starts lying that she loves art.
10:35 He lies that she's smart and that has to be just because he wants to manipulate her into playing the piano.
10:41 He plays the piano, so she imagines having fun with him as a kid.
10:46 Why is this whole story about her crushing on an adult?
10:49 Sure, kids do that, but it'd be a lot less uncomfortable if the genders were reversed.
10:55 I don't want all this focus on it.
10:57 It would have been fine if it was just one time.
11:01 It would have been fine if it was just one moment and then she started being subtle.
11:06 And this is so boring.
11:08 I know Sabrina won't go on to play the piano after this episode.
11:11 Is there any reason this could have been Hilda instead of Sabrina?
11:16 That would have saved the episode.
11:19 It's kind of hypocritical of the show to constantly insult soap operas, though.
11:24 It's not written well either, and in this particular way, where he's complaining that all the main characters of a soap opera are idiots, it's the same thing with this show.
11:33 Quigley sees Sabrina come home happily and smartly wonders if she skipped her piano lesson.
11:39 She finds out Dave is in the newspaper and begs Quigley to let her go to the concert tonight.
11:45 Why is Quigley trying to force the whole family to go?
11:48 Shouldn't he realize it's better to just accept them for who they are?
11:53 It's not inherently bad to not be interested in what he's interested in.
11:57 At least the answer is smiling.
11:59 But wasn't it always obvious she had a crush on her piano teacher because she said "My Dave"?
12:04 Why are they going to take so long to catch on?
12:07 Why would Quigley think that she really loves art and classical music now?
12:11 If we're supposed to think he's stupid, why are we suddenly supposed to think he's right any time he lectures her?
12:17 The idea that she's even dumber than him is so insulting it doesn't instantly occur to me.
12:23 There's a giant waste of episode space from an imagined spot or something of Salem's where I hate looking at people in silly wigs.
12:31 I wish the story didn't keep having Sabrina talk.
12:35 She trips, too, and gives the teacher flowers.
12:38 She's told she's his favorite student and tells him he'll play great.
12:43 The story reveals he has a girlfriend who worries too much.
12:47 At least he shows her affection.
12:49 But what's the point of making Sabrina suffer without deserving it?
12:53 Is this just another lazy plot device?
12:56 Sabrina's mad because the girlfriend's helping play music and somehow being mad sends steam that burns Salem out of her.
13:04 Then why doesn't this happen every time she gets mad?
13:07 She's gotten as mad as this in the show before, I'm sure.
13:11 She also imagines abusing his girlfriend with magic.
13:15 This is the kind of imagined spot that caused Angela Anaconda to get accused of being a psychopath.
13:21 While I like Sabrina being an antihero, this show goes too far.
13:26 To the point where she only counts as being an antihero and not an outright villain because sometimes she shows a conscience.
13:32 But more often than not, she ignores the morality lessons and wise advice.
13:37 Why does Salem talk around mortals again?
13:40 The teacher assumes it was just his nerves, and again Sabrina keeps making it obvious that she hates his girlfriend.
13:46 It's lucky for her that she's never accused of being racist,
13:49 which would have been the only possibility she'd come to if she was stupid enough not to know she had a crush on her teacher.
13:56 It's so lucky that they're all too polite to call her out on it.
13:59 I guess because she's just a kid.
14:02 Eventually, Quigley gets told the truth and says her friendship is just that because she's too young for love and her teacher is an adult.
14:10 He says that she needs to date someone her own age,
14:13 although someone literally her own age would be kind of unlikely because most people don't get that privilege.
14:20 And he does have good advice that she should choose someone with similar interests.
14:24 But that won't be a good thing if she doesn't go on to marry someone with similar interests to her anyways.
14:29 And she won't because she's interested in Harvey and she never follows the advice of her family.
14:34 Again, he says he's proud of her just for her to not listen to him.
14:38 He would have heard her shout that he wouldn't know how that person feels and shout especially loudly that this is agony.
14:45 Instead, she talks to Salem.
14:47 Every time something like this happens, everyone else in the house would hear their conversation and go up to Salem suspiciously.
14:54 Even if they couldn't hear all of it exactly.
14:57 You think they would be suspicious of Salem the second he starts talking to her.
15:02 Why is he ever trusted alone with her?
15:05 Salem tells Sabrina to say a spell that terrifies the teacher's girlfriend because he's evil.
15:11 Why can't they just keep it simple and explain that Salem hates mortals?
15:15 Salem gets all of a person's musical talent stuck in a jar and he plays the piano.
15:21 But she's not a piano player.
15:24 She cries and says she can't play the violin and runs out of the room crying.
15:29 It makes sense that Sabrina would get jealous of a girl and abuse magic because even the 70s Sabrina acted like that.
15:35 She also tries to convince him to break up with her, but he says he won't abandon her just because of one mistake.
15:41 It's so not rude of him to not tell her off for being so evil.
15:46 Salem's piano playing is horrible.
15:48 I think he's trying to imitate the melodies of a jazz musician.
15:52 But it doesn't work with a piano.
15:54 Or maybe he just makes it seem like it doesn't work.
15:57 Sabrina grabs him angrily and somehow, despite him telling her to wait and find out about the glitch first, she bitches not caring.
16:06 He tells her that releasing the power in the bottle will cause the teacher to forget Sabrina entirely.
16:12 This is insultingly forced.
16:14 But I'd rather a punishment require her to choose to do something self-sacrificial out of guilt that doesn't benefit Jim instead of quickly punishing her.
16:24 She finds out from the newspaper that Melinda and her boyfriend made it big.
16:29 I guess Melinda always thought she only lost her musical talent from stress that she bottled up too much.
16:35 Sabrina gets lectured that magic is the easy way and there's no easy answers to love.
16:41 I'm glad he doesn't punish her, even if that's the OC, making every time he did punish her seem needlessly mean-spirited.
16:48 Instead, he says he'll get tickets to make sure Sabrina will get to see the concert.
16:53 So the sacrifice isn't really good enough because it kind of gets undone.
16:59 They get to know each other again anyways.
17:02 She says his music moved her and he thanks her and shakes her hand.
17:06 Why is he even able to wonder if they met before?
17:09 Magic would be more thorough with memory erasing than real-life amnesias.
17:13 I'm sure it'd be able to affect the whole brain just fine.
17:16 He also agrees to sign something for her and she plays just a little piano at the end.
17:21 This uncomfortable episode is too much focused on Sabrina crushing on an adult piano teacher that quickly forced her to go to,
17:29 when she could've just brainwashed him into changing his mind.
17:32 She brainwashed him earlier with no guilt.
17:35 It clearly works better to have her punishments be from her being noble enough to punish herself, unless it benefits Jem.
17:42 While it doesn't make any sense, it's still good that she had seen convenience herself to undo the spell.
17:47 There's worse punishments that could've been written.
17:50 It just doesn't make any sense because she already met him by the time she cast the spell on her.
17:55 The reason the plot lasts so long is that it also centers on Sabrina wanting to make him break up with his good-looking girlfriend,
18:01 when he could've easily not had a girlfriend, and it's all because of Salem.
18:06 Never mind Sabrina being able to use magic herself.
18:10 It demonizes magic, so it especially sucks.
18:13 She could've learned the same anti-jealousy lesson if her crush was a 12-year-old.
18:19 The show doesn't believe in realism, so it wouldn't be above having 12-year-olds have the concert tours.
18:24 It has Pi be a genius inventor.
18:27 The story should've been about Hilda, not Sabrina.
18:31 She's 600 years old and we're already used to her crushing on adults.
18:35 And Sabrina already learned an anti-jealousy lesson.
18:39 What's the appeal of having a coming-of-age show that's all about teaching the kid lessons if they forget them every episode and have to learn them again occasionally?
18:48 So it doesn't actually feel like the character is growing.
18:52 Instead, the theme of the show is about people constantly trying to teach her to be a better person,
18:57 just for her to forget about it because that's not who she is.