8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown - S25E01 - 12 January 2024
Transcript
00:26This programme contains strong
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undefined:undefinedconundrums.
01:01If you've never seen
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01:18and caught him with
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undefined:undefinedHarriet Kemsley.
01:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:40Harriet once performed at
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undefined:undefinedall afternoon,
01:58it's pretty much what
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undefined:undefinedis it "Oliver"? T...
02:16I mean, ugh, to be honest,
02:17I'm actually just...pleased
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undefined:undefinedI was in a bar,
02:29I met a friend of a friend
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undefined:undefinedyou come up with words like
02:45"antidisestablishmentarianism"...
02:48I asked someone to say "Munya",
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undefined:undefinedyou've ever done?
03:02Err, the time that I had to...walk
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undefined:undefinedselect the head student
03:14is they put you
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undefined:undefinedcrocodile farm
03:26and the guy showing us around only
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undefined:undefinedto walk a plank...
03:39..across this crocodile pit
03:41and as the crocodiles got bigger,
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undefined:undefineda different show with Lee
03:52and that's a lie.
03:54The thing is...
03:58But if you ask Lee right now,
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undefined:undefinedyeah, cos this can't be it.
04:19There's going to be something
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undefined:undefinedthan, you know, this lot.
04:30I watch real Countdown.
04:32There was one this week,
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undefined:undefinedon the real show.
04:48And then what? You get killed?
04:50Well, this guy had... He won...
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undefined:undefinedof getting into
05:00the end of series championships.
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undefined:undefinedin life? Well, I don't know,
05:15probably either killing
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undefined:undefinedHe was in a van at Threshers.
05:30Harriet, have you got a mascot?
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undefined:undefinedWell, she just got very sick,
05:51and I brought her
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undefined:undefinedbut like my uncle.
06:07When I cried, that cat licked tears
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undefined:undefinedthe night that my cat died.
06:24But I got back from the vets
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undefined:undefinedget reincarnated into my baby.
06:39Damn!
06:42And I told my husband that
06:43and he refused to have sex
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Fuck.
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undefined:undefinedYou normally bring a mascot.
07:04Not a lot of people know this about
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undefined:undefinedvoice myself. Ooh.
07:17I was recently in a production
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undefined:undefinedI am on tour at the moment.
07:32So I've written a musical about
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undefined:undefinedBREATHILY: "Are you about to sing?"
07:43Not... SCEPTICALLY: "Are you about
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undefined:undefinedfrom Andrew Lloyd Webber.
08:02I don't know
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undefined:undefineda load of songs from other musicals.
08:15So, from Mamma Mia,
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undefined:undefined# Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy
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undefined:undefinedat the M6 Tebay. #
08:43LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
08:47I think ABBA are shit. Is that
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undefined:undefinedThis is actually a Susie song,
09:00so Susie stands up and sings
09:01Hakuna Matata,
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undefined:undefinedand go home
09:19and talk to my wife at length,
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undefined:undefinedThe Musical.
09:35Jon Richardson, everyone.
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undefined:undefinedyou know what I'm saying?
09:49Like, I haven't spoken
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undefined:undefinedintroducing the Mun-Yeah.
10:10Now, you just give it a squeeze
10:12and it emits a range
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undefined:undefined"We're going to the pub,
10:26"Munya, you wanna roll?"
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undefined:undefinedbased on me,
10:41it comes with my signature
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undefined:undefinedif you can see that...
10:52That also serves as a speaker,
10:54and as a reminder
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undefined:undefined"Once you go brown,
11:08"the immigration officer will
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# Yeah:undefinedyeah, yeah. #
11:19There we go.
11:21Munya Chawawa.
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undefined:undefinedto. Yeah.
11:34This, Jimmy,
11:36is a carriage clock.
11:38But not any carriage clock,
11:40this was my grandfather's
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undefined:undefinedhe never missed a single day's work,
11:55not in the whole three and a half
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undefined:undefinedkids out there that there's no limit
12:10to what you can achieve in life
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undefined:undefinedyour face, you can't reverse it.
12:28And also, a clock is
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undefined:undefinedit's David O'Doherty.
12:41APPLAUSE
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undefined:undefinedever found? Oh, like...
12:59I'm not suggesting you're a Womble,
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undefined:undefinedTom Hanks waiting
13:20for my volleyball best friend
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undefined:undefineda telescope or a lightsaber,
13:33and because I was on the island
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undefined:undefinedyou know...
13:46And the Captain's like,
13:48"Yar, why is no-one swabbing me
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undefined:undefinedyou know...
13:59"..I loves the choppy waves," and...
14:04He was doing it so much his vision
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undefined:undefinedit has a synthetic vagina in it.
14:19No way.
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undefined:undefinedbut it's because
14:31I've never seen him wipe down
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undefined:undefinedObviously...there's grades,
14:46there's the... Oh, you've got the
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undefined:undefinedin the bath,
15:09that's how we lost Whitney Houston.
15:11AUDIENCE GROANS
15:17Wow.
15:18Incredible.
15:19I'd say 30 seconds of this is usable
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undefined:undefinednew podcast. How's that been going?
15:36Well, I know what you're thinking,
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undefined:undefinedbalding, fear of death,
15:48we talked about his nan's
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undefined:undefinedtalked about swearing, didn't we?
16:04We did talk about swearing, yeah...
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undefined:undefinedRachel
16:26with a robot arm made of Lego,
16:27but is it worth getting
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undefined:undefined
undefined:undefineddefinitely not into golden showers.
16:42Did I have a blackout then and a
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undefined:undefinedhave to potty train them
16:58and then you've got this potty that
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undefined:undefinedthose gardens with the gates
17:10and it doesn't fit through,
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undefined:undefinedstory about the good episode.
17:32The prize the teams will be
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undefined:undefinedtime for the first game.
17:56Jon, Harriet,
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undefined:undefinedI, A, T...
18:15N. N. Another two vowels,
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undefined:undefinedhere's the Countdown clock.
18:41Hmm, hmm...
18:43Hi-yah!
19:04APPLAUSE
19:09Ooh, those things are dangerous!
19:11Um, Munya, how many?
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undefined:undefinedJon?
19:27Seven. Ugh... Harriet?
19:29F... Four. A four?
19:32You got a four-letter word?
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undefined:undefinedin the dictionary?
19:52What if it is there though? What do
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undefined:undefinedWe never got a definition."
20:10No, it fucking isn't! But you don't
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undefined:undefinedNo, it's not Harriet, I'm so sorry.
20:21Thank you, Susie,
20:22I just wanted to hear it from Susie,
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undefined:undefinedSUSIE: Very good.
20:45Captain, my captain.
20:46APPLAUSE
20:49David, Susie,
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undefined:undefinedJon and Harriet are in the lead
20:59with seven points.
21:00APPLAUSE
21:05On to our first numbers round.
21:07OK, Lee, Munya, your turn to pick
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undefined:undefinedNo, I didn't...
22:03Slightly makes me think... Wow.
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undefined:undefinedvery off-putting. Mm-hm...
22:26Well, don't come on the show!
22:29Munya, how did you get it? All
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undefined:undefinedAll right, how did you get it?
22:42You get the 7 and the 1
22:44and you times it by the hundred,
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undefined:undefined30 seconds there, well done.
23:12OK, so Jon and Harriet
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undefined:undefinedAnd the answer to the Teaser,
23:40the words were STRIPLEE,
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undefined:undefinedthe letters.
23:50Er, three from the t...?
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undefined:undefined471
undefined:undefined472
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undefined:undefinedD and I'll try and pull out an H,
24:16we'll get TITHEAD.
24:18You'll have to move it up one,
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undefined:undefinedhe's a bit of a TITNADR.
24:36Vowel. Vowel, put that between the
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undefined:undefinedthat was my grandmother!
24:49And finally, we'll take a consonant,
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undefined:undefinedright order?
25:04It'll help me in a minute.
25:07OK, and your time starts now.
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undefined:undefinedAll right. Jesus!
25:36Get him, boys! Hngh, hngh...!
25:40THEY GRUNT
25:43APPLAUSE
25:53Lee, how many?
25:55Er, oh, my God!
25:57Seven. Are you all right, Jimmy?
26:00I'm sorry, did you...?
26:01S'cuse the voice, I'm
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undefined:undefinedCome on, come on.
26:23GIGGLING: Oh, oh, they're so strong!
26:25Thank you.
26:27APPLAUSE
26:34Lee, your seven.
26:35TAINTED. Oh, as in someone's taint?
26:38What?
26:40The bit between your...testicles
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undefined:undefinedLovely!
26:56David, Susie,
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undefined:undefinedand Munya to go head-to-head.
27:14Harriet, your turn to pick
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undefined:undefined537
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedsaying that.
27:28You're terrible at this game.
27:31In my head, it's like everyone's
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undefined:undefinedYes...
27:42Well, well, well.
27:45Harriet, pick the numbers... OK.
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undefined:undefined549
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undefined:undefinedmore with the zeros.
28:00Do you know what I mean?
28:02Yes! Like that, yes.
28:03And erm, another one with a zero
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undefined:undefined555
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedchosen
28:17one of the most difficult ones,
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undefined:undefinedDid you get it? Absolutely not.
29:10How close did you get?
29:12What was the last thing you
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undefined:undefined577
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefineddone. Now, OK...
29:32You might've used something twice.
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undefined:undefinedTwo away.
29:45No, hang on,
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undefined:undefined586
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undefined:undefined"How come I got you?"
29:59OK, so why...?
30:01WHISPERED: Why is there brackets?
30:03"Why is there brackets?"
30:06This is madness.
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undefined:undefined600
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undefined:undefinedNo, sideways, it's not flat.
30:34Harriet, your dead cat's ashes
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undefined:undefinedDictionary Corner. David O'Doherty,
31:09what have you got in store for us?
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undefined:undefinedinfuriating me constantly,
31:33my beefs, 2023, get ready,
31:36fury bombs happening right now.
31:39People who vape outside pubs.
31:41Don't make me walk through your
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undefined:undefinedgot rid of? The dignity. Come on!
31:58LAUGHTER
32:02Supervet! Yeah, the TV vet.
32:05Stop putting wheels on cats.
32:07That's all he does! Regardless of
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undefined:undefinedI know it was uncomfortable,
32:25but, Jesus Christ, it was a long
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undefined:undefinedin the whole time.
32:39I was taking it down the tube...
32:42Spuds and pasta, are you joking me?
32:47Finally...
32:49..people who say laughter
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undefined:undefinedwhen your business
33:05is trying to make people laugh.
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undefined:undefinedThe words are TITCARDS,
33:39and the clue is I can't stop
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined662
undefined:undefined35
undefined:undefined354
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedat them, it was of course DISTRACT.
34:06OK, onto another letters game.
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined670
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedSMALL EXPLOSION
34:26LAUGHTER
34:27You can't be doing that around me.
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined677
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedJon, pretty good?
34:41I eat a lot of vegan food
34:44and this round
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined682
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined..of all the time I've known you
34:57and doubted
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined688
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedand you're like,
35:07"What is this thing called fear?"
35:10It's horrible, this.
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined693
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedthat are going off?
35:22What are the things that are
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined697
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedthe letters. Just pick the letters.
35:34Why are you saying it like that?
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined701
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedDon't press it.
35:45How is you standing up
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined705
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedand I'll hold the other one?
35:55Just like this. Yeah, but
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined709
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedIt's actually my penis.
36:07I'm going to have to hold my penis.
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined713
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefineddefence was that he has to
36:20"clutch his penis when he's scared."
36:23LAUGHTER
36:26Vowel, consonant, vowel.
36:27O, P, U
36:29Hold my ear, please.
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined722
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedVowel.
36:39E
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined727
undefined:undefined728
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedArgh! I don't like it!
37:04KLAXON BLARES
37:09Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six!
37:14Five! Four! Three! Two! One!
37:20LAUGHTER
37:21APPLAUSE
37:26That wasn't too bad, was it, Lee?
37:28What?
37:30Does it stop eventually,
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined739
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedPoo is in.
37:45Well, who's doing all the pooing?
37:46LAUGHTER
37:49There's no POOER.
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined748
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedA BOOGER.
38:17And just so you know, Susie,
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined764
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefineda GoPro into...
38:46Those are double points
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined771
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedSo at the end of that,
39:07Lee and Munya are in the lead
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined776
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedever told,
39:23and like many of the great tales
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined781
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedthat's ever happened in your zoo?"
39:35And he doesn't even pause
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined785
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefineda Shawshank Redemption monkey
39:48with a taste for freedom,
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined789
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedthe goose onto the island,
40:00and suddenly
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined793
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedAnd get this,
40:11the goose starts to flap,
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined798
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedAnd the zookeeper says,
40:27"No, that's the best thing
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined802
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedto the side,
40:40and the monkey holds on
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined806
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedskulls from falling out of trees,
40:54"he'll be grand in an hour,"
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined811
undefined:undefined812
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedAnd here is your final teaser.
41:19The words are FINALTUG,
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined662
undefined:undefined35
undefined:undefined354
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedit was, of course, FAULTING. OK,
41:46time for our final letters game.
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined822
undefined:undefined823
undefined:undefined824
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedmight be a Q sneaking in there.
42:05S
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined828
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedI'll take that. I can give you B
42:17And then another one of them.
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined832
undefined:undefined833
undefined:undefined834
undefined:undefined636
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedgoing to listen to my voicemails.
42:32Your time starts now.
42:35You have two new messages.
42:39Hi, Jimmy. Rachel Riley here.
42:41Um, I just wanted to say sorry
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined843
undefined:undefined636
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedleft my parachute in your hallway,
43:02so can you check for me?
43:04If you're there,
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined850
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedHarriet? Five.
43:18Five, OK. Jon.
43:20A six. OK, Harriet,
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined856
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedZimbabwean words, and trust me,
43:35there's a lot of letters
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined860
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedHave a guess what it is, Jimmy.
43:48LAUGHTER
43:51BEAUTS. I can't believe
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined869
undefined:undefined870
undefined:undefined871
undefined:undefined354
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedFrench extraction, BATTUES.
44:24It's all about the beaters driving
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined877
undefined:undefined878
undefined:undefined879
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedOh, sorry...
44:43I thought the answer was COUNTDOWN.
44:44LAUGHTER
44:58BELL
44:59Is it PENDULUM?
45:01No.
45:02LAUGHTER
45:05What do you mean is it PENDULUM?
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined889
undefined:undefined890
undefined:undefined891
undefined:undefined892
undefined:undefined636
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedLet's take a look.
45:38APPLAUSE
45:43The scores are Munya and Lee
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined899
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedour wonderful studio audience
45:55and to all of you for watching at
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040
undefined:undefined00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040