8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown - Best Bits 3 - 18 August 2023

eagle17
eagle17
  • vor 8 Monaten
Transcript
00:02This programme contains
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undefined:undefinedshouldn't have upset
00:41the autocue lady because
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undefined:undefinedComedians Watching Football
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undefined:undefinedaren't we?
01:19Yeah.
01:21LAUGHTER
01:23Oh! Just do a joke about me
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undefined:undefinedtake away from them -
01:52their virginity.
01:54LAUGHTER
01:55Great that Susie Dent is here,
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undefined:undefinedof the Sylvanian Families toys -
02:20tiny rat-like creatures that
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undefined:undefinedtantrum, we went to the growlery.
02:43And... The where, sorry?
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undefined:undefinedthis very surreal conversation
02:55where Rachel
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undefined:undefinedas I believe she has one...
03:21LAUGHTER
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undefined:undefinedan uncomfortable pregnancy.
03:39Nine months right in the vagina?
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undefined:undefinedI could do a favour for her.
04:03LAUGHTER
04:05Have a chat with her son
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undefined:undefinedsome shows on at the theatre."
04:28And I start hanging about...
04:30The theatre - more than
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undefined:undefinedbetter at the letters or numbers?
04:46I can't see either of 'em.
04:48LAUGHTER
04:49Now, as far as I've been able
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undefined:undefinedChris.
05:07"If you could draw us
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undefined:undefinedYour kitchen extension was opened
05:29by the Lord Mayor of Birmingham?
05:30Yeah. I wanted a plaque on the wall
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05:43and she said no,
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undefined:undefinedNo, no...
05:57"I was going to get Paul Chuckle
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undefined:undefinedof Smethwick Town Council.'"
06:08There's a new downstairs loo
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undefined:undefinedI don't mind.
06:19To me. To you. To me. To you.
06:21LAUGHTER
06:25It was right there.
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undefined:undefinedmy attire slightly...
06:43..for this.
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undefined:undefinedfor a bit of a visual treat, Jimmy.
07:04Why have they asked you?
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undefined:undefinedYou're probably looking up here.
07:48It's actually just there.
07:51Oh, no. There it is.
07:52Yeah, that's it. Is that it?
07:54LAUGHTER
07:58Anyway, music, please.
08:00# Diamonds are forever
08:03LAUGHTER
08:05# Hold one up and then caress it
08:10# Touch it, stroke it
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undefined:undefinedWhere did you get it from?
10:13LAUGHTER
10:18Sean, how many?
10:19I'm afraid only six.
10:21Only six. OK. Harry, how many?
10:23Six.
10:24Jon? Seven.
10:26Rose? Seven.
10:28CREAKED. CREAKED is good.
10:30Oh, what about DECKERS?
10:31DICKERS? DECKERS.
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undefined:undefinedYou can't KAISERED.
10:56I didn't say KAISERED.
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undefined:undefinedOh, dear. We can see her knickers.
11:12See you after the break.
11:14LAUGHTER
11:16He's still got it.
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undefined:undefinedsome reviews for you.
11:27Reviews for Christmas Eve.
11:29And in the modern online
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undefined:undefinedGoogle reviews and respond to them.
11:49For example, the owner
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undefined:undefinedfive-star review.
12:07Most of the reviews for
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undefined:undefinedreviews,
12:33beginning with one from Luke.
12:35"This is without doubt
12:37"the worst dining experience I have
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undefined:undefinedsalvaged from some leftover kebabs
12:54"from a previous patron
12:56"and reconstituted into my curry.
13:00"Spare yourselves a ruined
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undefined:undefinedyour meal?
13:35"You must also believe
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undefined:undefinedit made me retch.
14:03"The poppadoms were so stale
14:06"they tasted as though
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undefined:undefinedeverything and refused when asked
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undefined:undefinedyour anger out on us.
14:57"You, Richard,
14:59"are pure scum of the earth,
15:01"the lowest of the low.
15:04"I hope you learn that being a liar
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undefined:undefinedSee you after the break.
15:20APPLAUSE
15:32APPLAUSE
15:38Welcome back.
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undefined:undefinedof the sexually explicit franchise
15:55that I've launched.
15:56I've already made
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undefined:undefinedwe're going for. It looks fantastic.
16:13Are we OK to show this
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undefined:undefinedtill I was sore.
16:36"Confessions of
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undefined:undefinedour own abbreviations.
17:06WLTM - would love to mop.
17:07LAUGHTER
17:09GSOH - good suction on Hoover.
17:11LAUGHTER
17:14And a dirty magazine
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undefined:undefinedbecause they'll be going off
17:25across the nation.
17:27But that's available
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undefined:undefinedthis that's happening now.
17:55Sort of premise that it's going
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undefined:undefinedIt's just going to be relaxing.
18:07OK, bring on
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undefined:undefinedYeah, just that. Just that.
18:44Just go with that.
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undefined:undefinedIs Joe crying?
19:03You're not, like...? I hate this.
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A vowel:undefined
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undefined:undefinedrelaxation round
20:35your time starts now.
20:37Oh, God.
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undefined:undefined430
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undefined:undefinedRelax.
20:55Relax.
20:57Relax.
20:59Relax...
21:00Relax.
21:02Relax... Argh!
21:06Ooh.
21:07Relax.
21:10Ooh.
21:11Joe?
21:13I think I've got a nine.
21:15LAUGHTER
21:19Four.
21:23I think I might know the four.
21:25LAUGHTER
21:27CULT
21:29Sean, how many? Four.
21:31Four. Which four did you get?
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undefined:undefinedThank you. That was lovely.
22:19I've just seen myself.
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undefined:undefined472
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undefined:undefinedslept with three of the men there.
22:36LAUGHTER
22:37And it was a small wedding.
22:38It was mainly family. And...
22:40LAUGHTER
22:43This is mad, though.
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undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedthis wedding!" Exclamation mark.
22:59Phone died.
23:00LAUGHTER
23:02OK, Sean, tell us something
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undefined:undefined488
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undefined:undefinedthose ancestry websites...
23:18Oh, yeah? You send off a sample
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undefined:undefinedI always get 'em mixed up.
23:35I go, "Which...? Oh, God."
23:37That's why my wife does
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undefined:undefinedlike a little magic trick, Jimmy,
24:03if that's OK.
24:04I have a niece...
24:06and... Not niece. Friend.
24:10I've got a friend.
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undefined:undefinedout whether I get the ball like that
24:28and sneak it into my pocket
24:30or whether I leave it under
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undefined:undefined520
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedReal, real question.
24:44OK? So where is... Where is the...
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undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedpocket, we can make it come back.
24:55No, no, that wasn't meant to happen.
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undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedLet me just work it out.
25:15OK, we go... # And the creed and the
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undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedRight. Jimmy, where's the ball?
25:37Under the cup.
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undefined:undefinedThe words are CLEAN ROD.
26:43The clue is - mine's full of holes.
26:45That's CLEAN ROD.
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undefined:undefinedThe clue was - mine's full of holes.
27:08It was, of course, COLANDER.
27:10Sean, have you got a mascot?
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undefined:undefined584
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefineda lot of...
27:20You know, I mean,
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undefined:undefined589
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedwith the Carry On franchise.
27:35LAUGHTER
27:36They've asked me to make it a bit
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undefined:undefined596
undefined:undefined597
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undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedyou know, political stuff.
27:58I've got scripts for everyone here.
28:00There's one for Rosie.
28:02Thank you. So this is not
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undefined:undefined604
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefineda bit heavy in places.
28:13It might get a bit like,
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undefined:undefined611
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undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedto be a member state.
28:35I'll tell you what is sad -
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undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedSee what I've done?
28:56Very clever, isn't it?
28:57Do you think we should have
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undefined:undefinedThank you. Jon, you're dog shit.
29:13LAUGHTER
29:15I'll go Kenneth Williams.
29:19AS KENNETH WILLIAMS: Ooh, well, no!
29:22That's not in the script, Jon.
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undefined:undefinedI don't like the French.
29:45LAUGHTER
29:47Not what I've heard.
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undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedthe single market?
30:07Phwoar! Market!
30:09LAUGHTER
30:10Full of singles.
30:12All that crumpet!
30:13Don't mind if I do!
30:16LAUGHTER
30:18I'm going to act and direct
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined653
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedwas caused by multiple factors.
30:28The disillusionment
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined657
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedin the referendum.
30:39LAUGHTER
30:43She's got nice tits.
30:45LAUGHTER
30:49Carry On Brexit, everyone!
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined665
undefined:undefined666
undefined:undefined667
undefined:undefined668
undefined:undefined414
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedE.
31:04And two consonants.
31:07What?
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined681
undefined:undefined682
undefined:undefined683
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedI thought you meant balls.
32:26You thought this round was
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined705
undefined:undefined706
undefined:undefined707
undefined:undefined708
undefined:undefined9
undefined:undefined710
undefined:undefined711
undefined:undefined712
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedand... #
33:16LAUGHTER
33:18OK. Jon, did you get it?
33:19No, I didn't.
33:21OK, So what did you get?
33:22Well, 920.
33:23But frankly, I couldn't be fucking
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined728
undefined:undefined729
undefined:undefined26
undefined:undefined731
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedYou didn't declare anything?
33:55I didn't think... Too ashamed?
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined735
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedif there's a fiver wedged
34:08behind a wheelie bin.
34:10Tuppence is what
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined743
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedIf you say...
34:368 x 7 = 56
34:38- 3 = 53
34:41+ 50 = 103
34:444 + 5 = 9
34:469 x 103 = 927
34:49APPLAUSE
34:52Time now to go across to Dictionary
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined755
undefined:undefined756
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedTrout & Salmon magazine.
35:11And long story short, I've written
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined760
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedoption.
35:24Lovely stuff. Let's get set up.
35:26Um...
35:28It's called Dry Fly Dreams.
35:30LOUD MUSIC
35:37# Lonely fisherman
35:40# Just trying to keep warm
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined770
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedjust a memory now?
35:56# I miss your sexy eyes
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined777
undefined:undefined778
undefined:undefined779
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedI'd like the ploughman's, please
36:20# You're in my dry-fly dreams
36:23# Whenever a fish in my mind
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined786
undefined:undefined787
undefined:undefined788
undefined:undefined789
undefined:undefined790
undefined:undefined791
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedfor... Look, just hear me out
37:00# Tell me, baby,
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined798
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedThe words are EAR PLOPS.
37:36The clue is -
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined807
undefined:undefined808
undefined:undefined26
undefined:undefined26
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedwas - this happens to my anus.
38:04It was, of course, PROLAPSE.
38:07Ladies and gentlemen,
38:08this next numbers game is big.
38:09It's time for Oxford maths graduate
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined817
undefined:undefined818
undefined:undefined819
undefined:undefined820
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedfor each other ahead of the battle?
38:38What's...
38:40..78 million...
38:43..divided by 4,674?
38:46I don't know. Do you?
38:48Roughly. I know roughly.
38:50LAUGHTER
38:51He owned him. He owned him!
38:55You guys have seen professional
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined832
undefined:undefined833
undefined:undefined834
undefined:undefined835
undefined:undefined836
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedwho'll do a good job of it.
39:14Just enjoying being the cool one.
39:16LAUGHTER
39:18It's not cool not to know numbers.
39:20Doesn't change the fact you haven't
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined845
undefined:undefined846
undefined:undefined847
undefined:undefined9
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedjust kicking the shit out of him.
39:47OK, Paul, your turn
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined852
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined50 x 6 and that's 300.
40:10Then add something.
40:11This is proper numbers.
40:12LAUGHTER
40:15I don't mind, as long as
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined861
undefined:undefined862
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedDoes Naked Attraction.
40:31LAUGHTER
40:34Well, I say we make the pilot
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined876
undefined:undefined877
undefined:undefined878
undefined:undefined819
undefined:undefined880
undefined:undefined881
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedand I think it might be a sparkle.
41:44LAUGHTER
41:46Paul, have you got it? I've got it.
41:48All right. So your first move,
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined893
undefined:undefined894
undefined:undefined895
undefined:undefined896
undefined:undefined897
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
662 :undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedto the open day at Oxford
42:58and I thought they were all pricks.
43:01For what it's worth,
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined920
undefined:undefined9
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedLet's use the term.
43:16Yeah. ..have signature scents now.
43:19Right. Aftershaves, perfumes.
43:22But I decided the time has come
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined150
undefined:undefined931
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedisn't it? There's not something
43:43in that that's not here.
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined937
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedintimacy,
43:52you might have known before.
43:54You could have called it Meh.
43:57I mean, that's generally the thing
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined943
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedhere, you can't even turn round.
44:10Rachel, do you fancy
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined953
undefined:undefined954
undefined:undefined955
undefined:undefined956
undefined:undefined957
undefined:undefined958
undefined:undefined959
undefined:undefined959
undefined:undefined961
undefined:undefined962
undefined:undefined963
undefined:undefined964
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedCountdown Conundrum.
45:13How can Chris do this?
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined970
undefined:undefined971
undefined:undefined971
undefined:undefined973
undefined:undefined973
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedI've never had this in my life.
45:52I've got a feeling
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined982
undefined:undefined983
undefined:undefined
undefined:undefinedAmerican football kits!
46:15CHEERING
46:17Thanks to our panellists,
undefined:undefined00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,480
undefined:undefined988
undefined:undefined989
undefined:undefined

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