Category
🎮️
GamingTranscript
00:00:00 [Music]
00:00:26 They are calling it the snow storm of the century. All of South Park County is being pummeled with snow and more is expected to come.
00:00:34 Multi-car accidents and power outages are being reported all over town.
00:00:38 Oh honey, thank goodness you're safe.
00:00:41 Mom, did you see how hard it's snowing outside?
00:00:43 Yes, sweetie, and it's getting worse.
00:00:45 Well, are they saying it's going to be a snow day? They're going to cancel school, right?
00:00:48 They haven't said yet.
00:00:50 This storm has gone from bad to worse. I'm here at Stark's Pond, which has been completely frozen over, and a tanker truck has crashed into the ice. There have been multiple casualties.
00:01:02 Multiple casualties? They're going to cancel school. I just know they will.
00:01:06 Eric, this is very serious.
00:01:08 Things are just getting more and more horrible here, Tom. The storm is not doing any signs of stopping, and with the snow piling up and roads icing over, we are in for a catastrophic night.
00:01:19 Oh God, they're going to cancel school.
00:01:21 Did they cancel school yet? Did they cancel school?
00:01:32 Eric, go back to bed.
00:01:34 But I don't have to go to bed if I don't have to get up for school.
00:01:37 We don't know that, Eric. We'll find out in the morning.
00:01:45 God, please, please make it keep snowing. Harder than it ever has. Please, God, just this one time, don't fuck me.
00:02:14 Whoa!
00:02:16 There are at least 20 people dead, Tom. Reports of frozen water lines and even frozen bodies as this storm continues.
00:02:25 Did they cancel school? Did they cancel school?
00:02:27 Eric, it's horrible.
00:02:29 City officials are warning that even first responders will be staying home today. The roads are completely blocked. There is no toilet paper anywhere.
00:02:38 What about school?
00:02:39 This truly feels like the end of days. Everyone, please, take care of yourselves.
00:02:44 You've got to be fucking kidding me.
00:02:49 Oh, and we've just received word that all Park County schools are closed for the day.
00:02:54 Yes! Yes! There's no ski! It's a snow day! There's no ski! No, no, no ski! There's no ski!
00:03:06 No ski!
00:03:08 See you later, Mom. I'll be back in a couple hours. Have some brunch ready for me.
00:03:16 Where do you think you're going?
00:03:18 I'm going outside to play with my friends.
00:03:21 I don't think that's safe, sweetie.
00:03:23 Mom, it's a snow day. The most magical of days in a young child's life.
00:03:30 [Music]
00:03:50 Wow, kids! It's so beautiful!
00:03:54 No school, everybody! No ski!
00:03:59 Come on! It's a snow day! Come on, brothers! Let's go, Stan! Snow day, everyone!
00:04:05 Hey! Hey, new kid! New kid, I'm talking to you!
00:04:10 There you are! Come on, new kid! Put your shit on! It's a snow day, dude!
00:04:16 [Music]
00:04:46 [Music]
00:05:00 Be very careful out there, honey. Have a good time with your friends.
00:05:11 Ah, hello, my liege! It is I, the Grand Wizard. We have many battles to fight this day.
00:05:15 Oh, right. By the way, since you last played, we had to redo all the rules and start over because somebody got all O.P.
00:05:22 So you're going to have to go to the school and talk to the Keeper of Rules.
00:05:25 [Music]
00:05:33 Hey, new kid! Come meet me on the roof! We gotta get you up to speed!
00:05:38 [Music]
00:05:42 Jesus! Really came down last night.
00:05:45 [Music]
00:05:58 Okay, the rules are simple. Humans hate elves and elves hate humans.
00:06:02 Now go find your weapons and resources and meet me on top of the school. Go!
00:06:07 [Music]
00:06:26 The wizard says toilet paper is more precious than gold right now. Pick something up, new kid!
00:06:30 [Music]
00:06:34 You can use that toilet paper like real money. Use it to buy a weapon!
00:06:37 [Music]
00:06:45 Weapons? Find weapons for sale here.
00:06:48 [Music]
00:06:51 Now go fetch! All right, you're armed now, new kid! Now take out those snowmen to show you are battle ready!
00:06:56 [Music]
00:07:03 Be cool, new kid!
00:07:04 [Music]
00:07:10 You show them!
00:07:12 [Music]
00:07:15 Very good! Now proceed ahead to get your first power card!
00:07:18 Over here, new kid! I've got something for you!
00:07:20 [Music]
00:07:25 Weapons are nice, new kid, but this game is also about using cards.
00:07:28 Each card is a new ability, and here's your first one!
00:07:32 [Music]
00:07:44 Think of this card as your license to fart. Let 'er rip, new kid!
00:07:47 [Music]
00:07:50 Fantastic! Use your fart to boost you over this ridge!
00:07:53 [Music]
00:07:56 That's great farting, my liege! Come on into the school!
00:08:00 [Music]
00:08:02 Come meet me back on the roof!
00:08:04 [Music]
00:08:07 I know this snow is really exciting, kids, okay, but you can't let that get in the way of your studies!
00:08:12 All right, go get on Zoom!
00:08:15 [Music]
00:08:21 You see those elf kids up there? Go get 'em! Remember, humans hate elves!
00:08:26 [Music]
00:08:29 Hit them before they hit you, new kid!
00:08:30 [Music]
00:08:34 Hold on, fellas! The new kid doesn't know how to dodge!
00:08:38 [Music]
00:08:41 You got it? Oh, that's a real nice dodge there!
00:08:44 [Music]
00:08:46 Oh, that looked like it! Yeah, get those elves!
00:08:48 [Music]
00:08:53 Yeah, get 'em, new kid!
00:08:56 [Music]
00:08:59 Oh, wait! Oh, careful!
00:09:01 [Music]
00:09:03 Ah, bye-bye, owie!
00:09:06 [Music]
00:09:12 Yeah, ha-ha! Sweet, that was great! You totally got that one right in the face! That was awesome!
00:09:17 [Music]
00:09:23 Look out! There's some elves! Grab that bow, new kid, and slaughter them!
00:09:27 [Music]
00:09:29 More elves! Use your bow to strike them at range!
00:09:32 [Music]
00:09:49 Whoa! The humans are attacking!
00:09:52 [Music]
00:09:53 Nice hit!
00:09:55 [Music]
00:09:57 Well struck!
00:09:59 [Music]
00:10:01 Let's get out of here!
00:10:03 You beat those elves at their own game! Nice job! Now I can complete--
00:10:06 Okay, very nice, guys! You've collected some resources, got some basic weapon skills, and reviewed how to handle your cards!
00:10:12 Now it's time for one last test!
00:10:14 Hey, you wanted to see me? Who's this kid? Are they playing?
00:10:17 No, not yet! They gotta pass one final test!
00:10:21 Okay, new kid! Kick his ass!
00:10:22 What?
00:10:24 Go! Go, new kid! Kick that fucking elf's ass!
00:10:27 That elf is on the enemy team! Get him!
00:10:31 [Music]
00:10:38 You gotta be kidding me!
00:10:41 [Music]
00:11:06 You got slammed!
00:11:09 [Music]
00:11:12 Ooh, that looked like it hurt! Why don't you come over here, and I'll teach you about healing!
00:11:16 [Music]
00:11:20 This card will get you all healed up, new kid!
00:11:22 [Music]
00:11:28 Now just use that healing power, and you'll be good as new!
00:11:30 [Music]
00:11:32 Well done! By the way, your powers aren't unlimited! You have to get pissed off by dealing or taking damage!
00:11:38 If you aren't pissed off enough to use your powers, just keep beating up the enemy!
00:11:41 [Music]
00:11:46 Here come some more elves! I bet that pisses you off, new kid!
00:11:49 [Music]
00:11:51 Oh, I see them!
00:11:53 Eat!
00:11:55 Dirt!
00:11:57 I'll heal you if you get in trouble, new kid!
00:12:00 Rawr!
00:12:02 I'm dead!
00:12:04 Ugh!
00:12:07 Rawr!
00:12:08 Eat!
00:12:10 Hey!
00:12:12 Ow!
00:12:14 Bye-bye!
00:12:16 Rawr!
00:12:19 Eat!
00:12:21 Dirt!
00:12:24 That hurt!
00:12:26 Ah!
00:12:28 You really let him have it! Let's get you an upgrade, new kid!
00:12:30 As the traveling bard of destiny, I'll be around to upgrade one of your powers or weapons after a battle!
00:12:35 [Music]
00:12:38 These cards upgrade your weapons and powers. Go ahead and pick one!
00:12:41 [Music]
00:12:52 Nice choice, new kid! Looks like you can try it out in this ambush!
00:12:56 Let's get 'em!
00:12:58 Rock!
00:13:00 Eat!
00:13:03 [Music]
00:13:05 Ooh! I have a boo!
00:13:07 Rock!
00:13:09 [Music]
00:13:13 Eat!
00:13:15 Ready to see what else the cards may hold?
00:13:17 The cards are dealt randomly, but just between us, I can reshuffle 'em for a little TP! Try it out!
00:13:23 [Music]
00:13:28 Look here, new kid! Not all upgrades are created equal. That's why we have a rarity system to tell you how powerful it is.
00:13:33 The higher the rarity, the higher the power. Really rare cards will help you kick your enemies in the ass!
00:13:37 The keeper of the rules dictates the rarities, but for a little TP, I can make them more powerful.
00:13:42 [Music]
00:13:51 [Click]
00:13:53 [Click]
00:13:57 [Click]
00:13:58 [Click]
00:14:03 [Click]
00:14:06 [Click]
00:14:10 And there you have it! Take your pick, new kid! Oh, and new kid, keep that TP stuff on the DL!
00:14:18 [Click]
00:14:20 I've had my eye on that one myself!
00:14:22 You're all powered up! Let 'em have it, new kid!
00:14:26 [Music]
00:14:28 [Click]
00:14:30 [Click]
00:14:32 [Click]
00:14:34 [Click]
00:14:36 [Click]
00:14:38 [Click]
00:14:40 [Click]
00:14:42 [Click]
00:14:44 [Click]
00:14:46 [Click]
00:14:48 [Click]
00:14:50 [Click]
00:14:52 [Click]
00:14:55 It's clear that the new kid doesn't have allies. New kid, these modern kids are gonna be humans too, got it?
00:15:00 [Music]
00:15:06 Okay, everyone, back to hit each other now!
00:15:08 Ow!
00:15:10 Goodbye!
00:15:12 [Music]
00:15:14 [Groan]
00:15:16 You got me!
00:15:18 I'm calling bullshit! Summon vampire!
00:15:23 Bullshit!
00:15:25 [Music]
00:15:28 I'm a booty!
00:15:30 The enemy played a vampire kid's card!
00:15:32 [Music]
00:15:39 Uh-oh! They played a bullshit card! That means they can kind of shoot with their feet!
00:15:44 You're new, new kid!
00:15:46 [Groan]
00:15:48 It's my healing potion!
00:15:51 [Groan]
00:15:53 Ow!
00:15:55 [Music]
00:16:08 Taking aim!
00:16:10 What a great battle! Let's head back to the keep!
00:16:13 Okay, new kid, training's done. You beat those guys pretty good. Now you can go play with your friends!
00:16:19 [Music]
00:16:33 So, as you can see, we've had to make some changes to the game because some asshole who we won't name decided to become all-powerful and ruin the stick of truth because then everyone wanted to be all-powerful and nobody could die anymore.
00:16:45 So then we played superheroes and guess what happened? That same someone got all OP again and fucking ruined that game too.
00:16:51 And now because of that someone, we've had to add a bunch of fucking ruse. And then once there were ruse, everyone started arguing over the ruse. And then we all went to war again.
00:16:59 Remember, with this new card-based system, you're only as powerful as the cards in your hand. And you only get two to start with. So now you can't be all OP. Good luck trying to ruin this game. I'm sure you'll manage.
00:17:10 [Music]
00:17:13 Of course, even though you are technically the king, you still have to play by the new rules because this is America. So, you are now the king of two cards. Congratulations.
00:17:20 Now listen, Cloud has information that the elves are preparing to launch a massive attack on our kingdom. They've been spotted advancing their forces near Stark's Pond. We have to take them out before they kill us all.
00:17:31 Oh, and New Kid, this mission will be very dangerous. So I'm pairing you with some other new kids who also recently moved to town. But keep in mind, you are the real New Kid. Those other new kids will be working for you because you're the one that matters, okay? You're the big dog.
00:17:44 Also, I'm going to sign you all numbers. Totally at random, no big deal. But there's a chance I might not give you number one. Just know that you're still the best New Kid to me. You're the important one. Even if you're like number four. Good luck!
00:17:58 Okay, New Kid, now that you know how to play, you have no excuse if you break the rules.
00:18:02 Come on, kid, you can't take an arrow from me if you don't even know what- Come here and I'll show you how to wage war on my behalf. And bring your friends, if they're not pussies.
00:18:22 This is my war table. You can choose your mission on the map. And tell me when you're ready to head to the front lines. If you want to join someone else's game, you can totally just be a follower.
00:18:30 Just mark your name here if you want backup that bad. I'll pull in some randos if you don't have any buddies around. Either way, you can head back to the war table whenever you're prepared.
00:18:39 Back to the map. We can get started as soon as you're ready.
00:18:44 You can make the game easier if you want. I won't tell no one.
00:18:48 You ready for battle? Excellent. Step into the portal to embark on your mission.
00:18:57 Hey, I heard you want to try out some new hardware. Well, I've got weapons aplenty. Step into the armory. I'm sure I have at least one new thing for you to take out into the field.
00:19:12 I've got a ranged weapon for you to try.
00:19:17 Here, try a wizard staff on for size. Select the staff to equip it.
00:19:21 Not as good as mine, but it'll do.
00:19:35 You'll find all sorts of new weapons and powers in your travels. Come and visit whenever you want to switch things up.
00:19:40 Great stuff. Feel free to come back anytime.
00:20:06 The druid elves, led by that sneaky druid cow, are planning an attack on the humans. The grand wizard has ordered a preemptive attack on their dirty druid forces.
00:20:15 Cow! Cartman, who are these assholes?
00:20:26 They're my secret army. We're attacking you before you attack us.
00:20:30 What are you talking about?
00:20:32 My spies saw your army gearing up for battle.
00:20:35 Spies? What the fuck are you talking about?
00:20:37 Yes, your spies, Cow. Your spies are getting ready for battle.
00:20:40 Are you serious? Remember, there's no fighting allowed at the bullshit trial. This is sacred ground.
00:20:45 Yeah, yeah, just get on with it, butters.
00:20:47 Okay, each player lays down a bullshit card so that we can all agree on the rules before the battle begins.
00:20:52 As the keeper of rules, it is my honor to preside over this bullshit trial. Begin your selection.
00:21:04 We're gonna show those fucking elves who rules this kingdom.
00:21:06 Just put your cards down.
00:21:08 [Music]
00:21:11 [Music]
00:21:14 [Music]
00:21:16 [Music]
00:21:28 [Music]
00:21:41 [Music]
00:21:43 Hey, new kid.
00:21:54 What do you got, fellas?
00:21:55 Nice, very nice.
00:21:56 A key.
00:21:58 And a bunch of upgrades.
00:22:00 Whatever. We can handle any bullshit you guys throw at us.
00:22:03 Your days are numbered.
00:22:05 Limp weapons. Nature's growth.
00:22:09 Blessed pulseses.
00:22:10 Oh, lame.
00:22:11 Have fun out there.
00:22:15 If you ever want to see what bullshit and upgrades are in play, check out the binder I made for you.
00:22:23 Those elves think they're so smart. Well, nuh-uh. We know you're hiding something, Cow, and we're gonna find it.
00:22:28 I'll show that little dirty Drew boy not to...
00:22:31 How are we supposed to do anything in all this snow?
00:22:34 What will we do? There are no supplies.
00:22:37 Give us the toilet paper, Starch!
00:22:39 Starch!
00:22:40 Get out of here! You can't have my toilet paper! It's mine!
00:22:44 [Music]
00:22:47 [Music]
00:23:16 [Music]
00:23:18 Okay, new kid. Let's see if you have what it takes to bring down the elven forces.
00:23:27 Ah!
00:23:29 You got me!
00:23:34 Eek!
00:23:37 Ow!
00:23:41 Ow! I'm dead.
00:23:44 I'm dead.
00:23:45 You're no match for the elves.
00:24:01 Oh!
00:24:06 What?
00:24:08 Owie.
00:24:10 Eek!
00:24:13 Say bye.
00:24:14 Ow!
00:24:18 Not the bow.
00:24:24 You kicked their asses. Now loot their corpses and get moving.
00:24:29 Ow!
00:24:30 Looking for some upgrades?
00:24:42 [Music]
00:24:44 What do you think?
00:25:00 That looks pretty good.
00:25:11 All right. Hopefully you can get your act together now.
00:25:13 Treasure this rare moment of peace. The lights of a distant land are just a calm before the storm.
00:25:23 Oh shoot! Those elves put a lock on the gate. You're gonna have to beat them all before you can open it.
00:25:40 [Music]
00:25:42 The young ones are always the most vicious.
00:25:52 Ah!
00:25:54 Eek!
00:25:56 Ow!
00:25:57 Kill!
00:25:59 Ugh!
00:26:02 [Music]
00:26:04 Damn it!
00:26:12 Ah!
00:26:18 Ow!
00:26:24 Oh fudge.
00:26:25 No! You got me!
00:26:30 Ah!
00:26:31 New kids here.
00:26:37 Enemy sighted.
00:26:40 Reinforcements!
00:26:42 Bullshit!
00:26:46 Unite beneath our giant banner.
00:26:51 The enemy played a bullshit card. They got giants now, new kids. Stay out of their way or they'll stop you.
00:26:57 Ugh!
00:26:58 Look at me.
00:27:01 Ow!
00:27:02 Eek!
00:27:04 Bye bye.
00:27:05 Ow!
00:27:07 You did it! It's okay to open that gate now.
00:27:13 I'm dead.
00:27:15 Ugh! Not again.
00:27:17 Nicely done. Onward!
00:27:23 Look out for elven stashes. Those tricky bastards could have them hidden anywhere.
00:27:27 [Music]
00:27:30 [Music]
00:27:33 [Music]
00:27:36 [Music]
00:27:38 [Music]
00:27:41 [Music]
00:27:44 [Music]
00:27:47 [Music]
00:27:50 [Music]
00:27:53 [Music]
00:27:56 [Music]
00:27:59 [Music]
00:28:03 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:28:06 (thunder rumbling)
00:28:09 (footsteps thudding)
00:28:12 (footsteps thudding)
00:28:16 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:28:44 - Perhaps it was by fate that we met here.
00:28:46 Hey, Jimmy asked for my help with your,
00:28:50 like, game or whatever.
00:28:53 These are dark ritual cards.
00:28:55 They can manifest power beyond the mundane.
00:28:59 But some of them come at a price.
00:29:01 It's up to you what you're willing to sacrifice
00:29:03 for wealth and power.
00:29:05 Anyway, go ahead and like, pick one.
00:29:08 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:29:11 (footsteps thudding)
00:29:14 More strength, good choice.
00:29:29 There's not much to do around here
00:29:32 since the snow shut everything down.
00:29:34 So sometimes I'll be out here to do a poll for you.
00:29:38 So like, if you see me, talk to me.
00:29:42 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:29:46 - Is anyone there?
00:29:55 I'm so cold.
00:30:06 Oh, thank God, you gotta help me.
00:30:09 I was scrounging around for supplies
00:30:10 and I got stuck in the ice.
00:30:13 But I hit the jackpot.
00:30:14 Look, look at all this toilet paper.
00:30:16 You have to figure out a way to break the ice
00:30:18 and get me out of here.
00:30:19 Hurry, my balls are freezing.
00:30:21 - Elven treasure, this looks like a trap.
00:30:24 I bet Kyle's behind this.
00:30:25 - Oh yeah, Kyle, yeah, I can help you get Kyle.
00:30:29 Just get me out of here, I'll give you some treasure too.
00:30:32 - I'm not sure I trust him,
00:30:33 but I'm willing for you to take that risk.
00:30:36 Just power up that tanker truck.
00:30:38 I mean, gnomish juggernaut, and drive it through the ice.
00:30:41 You're gonna have to find the keys and the gas
00:30:42 and you know, learn to drive, but.
00:30:44 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:30:49 (footsteps)
00:30:51 - Free birthday presents, get out.
00:31:15 - The elves must have ran away with the keys and the gas.
00:31:17 Get on their trail.
00:31:18 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:31:21 - Oh, player one, there's gotta be a cannon here somewhere.
00:31:29 Player one, there's a cannon.
00:31:32 Now you can break that block of ice with a cannonball.
00:31:35 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:31:38 (footsteps)
00:31:41 (explosion)
00:31:53 (footsteps)
00:31:59 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:32:07 (footsteps)
00:32:09 - You kids hungry?
00:32:17 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:32:20 (footsteps)
00:32:28 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:32:31 (footsteps)
00:32:34 (explosion)
00:32:44 (footsteps)
00:32:48 (explosion)
00:32:58 (footsteps)
00:33:01 (footsteps)
00:33:04 - Food's not ready yet, kids.
00:33:13 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:33:15 (explosion)
00:33:17 - Oh, fuck, the most boring thing on earth, zip lining.
00:33:28 Of course the elves would be here.
00:33:31 Look for the keys near the back office.
00:33:32 The elves probably hid them deep in their territory.
00:33:35 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:33:38 - Grr.
00:33:45 Rawr.
00:33:48 Ow.
00:33:49 Can I have a do-over?
00:33:51 (groans)
00:33:53 Eat, I'm dead.
00:33:56 (groans)
00:34:00 (thud)
00:34:02 - Jump from above.
00:34:16 Ah!
00:34:17 Jump from above.
00:34:21 Hey!
00:34:22 - Bullshit!
00:34:26 (groans)
00:34:28 - Here are weapons more befitting of the inferior humans.
00:34:34 They played a foam weapons card, new kid.
00:34:36 Your close range attacks do minus damage.
00:34:38 - Oh no!
00:34:41 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:34:45 - Hi-ya!
00:34:48 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:34:54 - Hi-ya!
00:34:55 (explosion)
00:34:59 - You dare?
00:35:06 - Yes, you got the keys.
00:35:08 The elves fired the way you came in.
00:35:09 Try getting over it.
00:35:10 - Oh, player one, that was close.
00:35:14 - Damn it.
00:35:16 - Ah, too rough.
00:35:20 - Ah, I'm invincible right now.
00:35:25 Ow!
00:35:26 - Run!
00:35:29 - No, you got me.
00:35:32 (groans)
00:35:35 Ouch!
00:35:45 - No!
00:35:47 - You're the brownies, right?
00:35:50 - Oh, I'm hit.
00:35:51 - Better luck next time, they said.
00:35:54 - Ouch!
00:35:58 - Aha!
00:36:01 I'm dead.
00:36:08 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:36:11 (footsteps)
00:36:14 - Some people get really hung up at the zipline park.
00:36:37 Fade has chosen these upgrades for you today.
00:36:41 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:36:44 Wonderful choice.
00:36:51 See ya.
00:36:54 Hey, new kid, in addition to weapons,
00:37:04 I've been working on these foil cards.
00:37:06 They improve your upgrade cards to make you stronger.
00:37:08 There's a foil card in that chest right there.
00:37:10 Go ahead and grab it.
00:37:11 Pretty nice, right?
00:37:14 These are hidden all around the battlegrounds.
00:37:16 Just keep an eye out.
00:37:17 Funny meeting you here, new kid.
00:37:26 Well, hello there.
00:37:31 Here's what Fate has in store for you.
00:37:34 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:37:38 Need help?
00:37:51 You can always check game FAQs.
00:37:53 That's the one?
00:37:53 Great.
00:37:54 Nice to chat without all the hustle and bustle
00:37:57 of battle for once, huh, new kid?
00:37:59 What do you call a changeling posing as an elf?
00:38:02 An...
00:38:04 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:38:07 Hmm, why would elf tracks lead to a waterfall?
00:38:32 (dramatic orchestral music)
00:38:35 Go away.
00:38:54 It's better for social media if I'm stranded here alone.
00:38:58 (footsteps)
00:39:00 Grab the gas can, new kid.
00:39:13 It's right there.
00:39:14 See, we're under the ice the whole time.
00:39:18 That's not cool.
00:39:19 Ow.
00:39:20 Grr.
00:39:24 Layer one, all better now?
00:39:27 Eek, I'm--
00:39:28 Bullshit!
00:39:28 I've had a thousand years to perfect this one.
00:39:36 The enemy played a bullshit card.
00:39:38 They got giants now, new kid.
00:39:39 Stay out of their way or they'll stop you.
00:39:42 I grew up.
00:39:43 Ow.
00:39:46 You're not getting me.
00:39:48 Ah.
00:39:49 That's it.
00:39:52 Eek.
00:39:56 (grunts)
00:39:58 You need to take out the healer.
00:40:04 Ha, missed me.
00:40:06 Look at me.
00:40:11 Oh, no.
00:40:12 Ow.
00:40:15 One of your teammates is down.
00:40:16 Quick, run over and help her.
00:40:17 Ah.
00:40:23 The more folks join in,
00:40:24 the faster your bud will be back in the fight.
00:40:27 I got you.
00:40:28 If they're blocking the front,
00:40:29 you hit them from the back.
00:40:30 It's not rocket science.
00:40:31 Great job.
00:40:32 Keep each other safe out there.
00:40:33 There, huddle in close to revive them.
00:40:35 Eek.
00:40:36 Ha, missed me.
00:40:40 Yes, you can't touch this.
00:40:47 Too rough.
00:40:47 Oh, no.
00:40:50 I'm bleeding.
00:40:52 I don't think so.
00:40:54 There.
00:40:55 Ugh.
00:40:56 Hurry up.
00:41:00 For thanks, I needed a break.
00:41:04 Ah.
00:41:06 Oh, no, no, not the--
00:41:07 Player one, that looked like it hurt.
00:41:10 (grunts)
00:41:19 (grunts)
00:41:21 Target sighted.
00:41:30 Ow.
00:41:33 Damn it.
00:41:37 Ugh.
00:41:40 Oh, player one, you okay now?
00:41:44 I was worried.
00:41:49 Ha, fragile cargo, man.
00:41:51 Ow, really?
00:41:53 They're douchebags with arrows.
00:41:56 That shouldn't be hard.
00:41:58 They got me.
00:42:02 Ow.
00:42:03 Ugh, I'm hit.
00:42:09 Oh.
00:42:10 (dramatic music)
00:42:13 Fuck yeah, waterfalls always have treasure behind them.
00:42:37 (dramatic music)
00:42:40 (dramatic music)
00:42:43 (glass shatters)
00:42:45 (dramatic music)
00:42:48 (dramatic music)
00:42:51 Nice job surviving that ambush.
00:43:16 Check out what I'm packing.
00:43:18 (dramatic music)
00:43:21 I've had my eye on that one myself.
00:43:30 Good luck with the rest of your journey.
00:43:33 (dramatic music)
00:43:37 (dramatic music)
00:43:40 Your wizard king commands you
00:43:53 to start the goddamn truck already.
00:43:56 (explosion)
00:44:06 (dramatic music)
00:44:09 Finally, you did it.
00:44:17 Under my guidance and sage-like wisdom.
00:44:19 Oh, thank God, you did it.
00:44:20 You saved me.
00:44:21 I've been trapped in here all day.
00:44:23 I would have gotten out,
00:44:24 but there's a level three elven lock
00:44:25 on that door over there.
00:44:28 I'm so happy.
00:44:29 I found this chest full of toilet paper.
00:44:32 Everyone in town is hoarding this stuff,
00:44:34 especially that damn stotch.
00:44:36 It's worth more than money.
00:44:37 I'm rich.
00:44:38 I'm richer than stotch.
00:44:39 New kid, let's find out where Kyle's hiding.
00:44:42 Yeah, Kyle, yeah.
00:44:43 I can show you where he is,
00:44:45 but oh man, I've been stuck here so long,
00:44:47 I really gotta go take a shit.
00:44:49 Just look within yourself
00:44:51 and you'll find all the answers you need.
00:44:53 Believe in yourself and all that stuff.
00:44:55 It'll be revealed.
00:44:56 I'm gonna go take a shit
00:44:57 and rub this toilet paper in that fucking stotch's face.
00:45:00 This is the end for you.
00:45:03 You're gonna die here.
00:45:04 The elves staged an ambush.
00:45:05 Make them regret it, new kid.
00:45:07 Eek.
00:45:10 Fight the new kid.
00:45:12 Watch the high ground.
00:45:13 Suck on this.
00:45:15 Ow.
00:45:18 Eek.
00:45:19 Ow.
00:45:21 Damn it.
00:45:23 Ow, that hurt.
00:45:24 Yeesh.
00:45:31 (grunting)
00:45:33 Ah.
00:45:38 They got cheesy poop.
00:45:42 Ow, what?
00:45:43 Yaw.
00:45:44 Damn it.
00:45:46 Are you gonna like kill that healer or what?
00:45:49 Oh no.
00:45:50 No.
00:45:54 Bullshit.
00:45:59 Bullshit.
00:46:00 Get ready for this, new kid.
00:46:05 A bullshit card was played.
00:46:07 Your weapons are all floppy now.
00:46:08 I'm just doing my job.
00:46:10 My aunt approaches.
00:46:11 Ugh.
00:46:14 Another wave from the UFO.
00:46:16 Looks like an alien spaceship crash landed in the pond.
00:46:19 I bet their alien bodies are all frozen.
00:46:21 Take that.
00:46:24 (grunting)
00:46:27 Get ready for round two.
00:46:31 I cut you.
00:46:36 Rah.
00:46:39 Ooh.
00:46:41 Ha, you're--
00:46:47 (grunting)
00:46:53 I thought we settled this.
00:46:55 No.
00:47:00 Hey, save your teammate, Atol.
00:47:02 We'll meet again.
00:47:04 Ow.
00:47:07 Attack.
00:47:08 No.
00:47:10 Ow, what?
00:47:12 Not the bow.
00:47:14 Ah.
00:47:14 Hey.
00:47:17 Ouch.
00:47:18 Rah.
00:47:20 Ow.
00:47:22 Ugh.
00:47:23 Rah.
00:47:25 This tech player one, they almost had you.
00:47:28 Ha ha.
00:47:31 Oh, that must've hurt.
00:47:35 Ow.
00:47:35 No fun.
00:47:38 Remember me.
00:47:39 Ah.
00:47:41 Ha, stop it.
00:47:48 (dramatic music)
00:47:51 You dare?
00:47:55 More warriors.
00:47:57 Earth eruption.
00:47:58 Damn it.
00:48:00 Ah.
00:48:02 Death from above.
00:48:05 Ow.
00:48:07 Fragile cargo, man.
00:48:09 Yes, I'm slain.
00:48:12 Ow.
00:48:15 Rah.
00:48:16 No.
00:48:18 (guns firing)
00:48:20 This will hurt.
00:48:21 Eek.
00:48:22 Ow.
00:48:29 Ah.
00:48:29 Rah.
00:48:31 New kid's healing fast.
00:48:32 Suck on this.
00:48:35 Attack.
00:48:40 Let's take the globe.
00:48:47 Nope.
00:48:48 Ow.
00:48:49 Tree power.
00:48:52 Okay, okay, I'm down.
00:48:55 (metal clanging)
00:48:58 Holy shit, I can't believe you survived that.
00:49:04 I wanna go home now.
00:49:12 (metal clanging)
00:49:15 Come on, open the gate.
00:49:21 (metal clanging)
00:49:25 The elves came from that crevasse.
00:49:30 Kyle's base must be through there somewhere.
00:49:33 (dramatic music)
00:49:37 (dramatic music)
00:49:40 I've got a great selection here, if I do say so myself.
00:49:44 (camera clicking)
00:49:52 It's fantastic.
00:49:59 I'm rooting for you.
00:50:02 (bells jingling)
00:50:06 (water rushing)
00:50:09 Kyle will make his last stand in the heart of the forest
00:50:13 because he's a dramatic pussy.
00:50:15 Prepare to face my druish justice.
00:50:34 All right, boss fight.
00:50:36 - Be my glance.
00:50:46 - Beat on the outsiders.
00:51:03 - Arthas spoken.
00:51:04 (dramatic music)
00:51:07 - Break through them.
00:51:20 - No one.
00:51:21 Those thorns are rough.
00:51:22 Use those jump hats.
00:51:23 - Time to play you for fools, Thornos.
00:51:29 I'm kidding you.
00:51:31 (dramatic music)
00:51:34 - The earth roars with me.
00:51:39 - Let's get them.
00:51:55 (dramatic music)
00:51:58 - It's time to end this.
00:52:13 - Ow.
00:52:16 - Player one, all better now?
00:52:20 - Ah.
00:52:21 - I gotta lose.
00:52:27 I gotta lose.
00:52:28 - Shut up, badass.
00:52:31 We're not done here.
00:52:31 Not even close.
00:52:33 The planet is against you.
00:52:37 - Okay.
00:52:38 - Your fate has been decided.
00:52:54 Ow.
00:53:00 The elves will not stand for this.
00:53:07 (dramatic music)
00:53:10 - Time is on the side of the elves.
00:53:21 - Ah.
00:53:27 - Ow.
00:53:36 - The planet is against you.
00:53:38 Ow.
00:53:41 Ah.
00:53:44 Ah.
00:53:48 The earth roars with me.
00:53:52 - Beat on the outsiders.
00:54:01 (dramatic music)
00:54:03 - The earth has spoken.
00:54:11 - Ow.
00:54:12 - Break their skin.
00:54:28 - Your fate has been decided.
00:54:30 Oh, player one, that was close.
00:54:33 Ow.
00:54:37 - Yes, yes, I did it.
00:54:45 (humming)
00:54:47 You know what, Kyle?
00:54:49 I learned something today.
00:54:50 You're a little bitch.
00:54:52 - Fuck you, Cartman.
00:54:54 (dramatic music)
00:54:58 (dramatic music)
00:55:01 (clicking)
00:55:03 (dramatic music)
00:55:06 (dramatic music)
00:55:08 (dramatic music)
00:55:11 (dramatic music)
00:55:15 (dramatic music)
00:55:17 (dramatic music)
00:55:20 (dramatic music)
00:55:31 (dramatic music)
00:55:41 (dramatic music)
00:55:44 (dramatic music)
00:55:54 - Well, well, well.
00:55:57 Well, well, well.
00:56:03 You just thought you could do anything you wanted,
00:56:04 didn't you?
00:56:05 You just thought you were so smart.
00:56:07 I beat you, Kyle.
00:56:08 And now by rule, you have to follow my rules
00:56:10 here at Koopa Keep.
00:56:11 Those are the rules, right, your honor?
00:56:13 - Those are the rules, yes.
00:56:15 You didn't beat me, fat ass.
00:56:16 The new kid did.
00:56:17 And who are those other three kids they were playing with?
00:56:19 - Oh, those were the other new kids.
00:56:21 They all think they're the actual new kid,
00:56:23 but you're the only new kid that matters, right, new kid?
00:56:26 Honestly, those other new kids are all total boners,
00:56:29 right, butters?
00:56:30 - Yeah.
00:56:31 Why did you attack my fucking base?
00:56:33 - Attack your base?
00:56:35 Ha, ha.
00:56:36 Are you denying that you were gearing up your entire army
00:56:38 to attack our fucking base?
00:56:40 - Yeah.
00:56:41 - What?
00:56:42 Says who?
00:56:42 - Says Clyde.
00:56:43 - Yeah.
00:56:44 And do you always trust what Clyde says?
00:56:47 - Hell no, Clyde's a total dumbass.
00:56:48 Yeah.
00:56:49 - God damn it, you guys.
00:56:50 We are gearing up to attack someone else.
00:56:52 Someone who I think is a real, actual threat to our town.
00:56:55 - Who?
00:56:57 - Don't you think it's strange?
00:56:59 A snowstorm this big in one weekend?
00:57:01 Have you ever seen anything like it?
00:57:03 - What are you suggesting, Elf?
00:57:05 - It isn't natural.
00:57:07 I think that someone has cast a level 10
00:57:09 endless winter spell.
00:57:10 - Well, that kind of magic has been outlawed
00:57:12 ever since the new kid ruined the last game
00:57:13 by farting backwards in time.
00:57:15 - Yeah, well, it's been done.
00:57:16 I know it.
00:57:17 - And who do you believe to have cast this banned spell?
00:57:20 - The same person who's been acting strange
00:57:21 for the past week, Stan.
00:57:23 - The Marshwalker?
00:57:25 - Stan has been acting strange ever since he thought
00:57:27 his version of the rules were best.
00:57:28 I was gearing up my army to get to him
00:57:30 and force him to talk to me to see what he was up to.
00:57:32 But then the new kid came and got in the way.
00:57:34 - Wow, nice going, new kid.
00:57:36 (wind blowing)
00:57:38 - This may be all fun and games for you guys,
00:57:40 but this storm isn't going to end
00:57:41 and our town is in serious trouble.
00:57:43 - Oh, geez.
00:57:44 - Then we have no choice.
00:57:45 New kid, we must get to the Marshwalker, Stan,
00:57:48 and find out what he's been hiding.
00:57:50 (mysterious music)
00:57:54 (footsteps)
00:57:58 (mysterious music)
00:58:01 - Howdy ho!
00:58:15 Hey, you're the new kid, aren't you?
00:58:18 It's me, Mr. Honky.
00:58:20 I was gone for a while, but I'm back.
00:58:22 And guess what?
00:58:24 I brought some Christmas magic with me.
00:58:27 You want some?
00:58:28 Some of that Christmas magic?
00:58:29 I can give you a little taste if you want.
00:58:32 Yeah, you want some.
00:58:33 Well, go on, take it.
00:58:34 Take some Christmas magic.
00:58:36 (water splashing)
00:58:40 Can't you feel your potential growing inside you?
00:58:43 Dark matter is hidden everywhere.
00:58:45 Keep an eye out.
00:58:46 Use your dark magic to expand your power.
00:58:49 Try it now.
00:58:49 (dramatic music)
00:58:53 (dramatic music)
00:58:56 Now your dark matter is with you, always,
00:59:19 ready for you to take it in once again.
00:59:21 Now go forth and earn that sweet dark matter.
00:59:24 Great choice.
00:59:27 (dramatic music)
00:59:29 (dramatic music)
00:59:32 Oh man, that's a good one.
00:59:59 (dramatic music)
01:00:02 Hold on to that Christmas spirit.
01:00:06 (dramatic music)
01:00:08 Howdy ho!
01:00:12 Not ready for that kind of power yet, huh?
01:00:17 You'll be back.
01:00:18 Oh, mighty warrior.
01:00:22 Hey, you've got some of those platinum pieces, right?
01:00:24 We'll sell you some extra special stuff for them.
01:00:26 (dramatic music)
01:00:28 You're starting to get into pee pee, huh?
01:00:30 Platinum pieces?
01:00:31 You're in pee pee by completing infernal packs
01:00:33 and reaching milestones.
01:00:34 And we made it so you can spend that cash on explosive items.
01:00:36 Go on, try and buy something.
01:00:38 (dramatic music)
01:00:41 Maybe they don't like anything.
01:00:46 (yells)
01:00:46 It's fine, Twink.
01:00:48 (dramatic music)
01:00:51 (dramatic music)
01:00:53 Sweet.
01:01:01 Gotta look good to play good.
01:01:03 (dramatic music)
01:01:06 Uh, you gonna buy something?
01:01:20 No pressure!
01:01:21 (dramatic music)
01:01:23 Just buy what speaks to you.
01:01:39 I just wear the same thing all the time.
01:01:44 (dramatic music)
01:01:48 (dramatic music)
01:01:50 They're not doing anything.
01:01:58 They're just sweet.
01:02:00 If you get my pee pee, be sure to come back.
01:02:03 We'll be here.
01:02:03 (dramatic music)
01:02:06 (crash)
01:02:12 Need some new clothes?
01:02:13 (dramatic music)
01:02:16 I made a binder to keep track of all the bullshit
01:02:18 and upgrade cards we're in play.
01:02:19 Take a look.
01:02:20 Now Kyle, any rules changes are for the trial.
01:02:23 (dramatic music)
01:02:25 Here, take a look.
01:02:26 (dramatic music)
01:02:29 Look at all these cards.
01:02:41 (dramatic music)
01:02:43 Pretty neat, huh?
01:02:44 (dramatic music)
01:02:46 Always good to know what you're up against.
01:03:02 (dramatic music)
01:03:05 (dramatic music)
01:03:08 These are some of my favorites.
01:03:18 (dramatic music)
01:03:19 Come buy any time.
01:03:20 (dramatic music)
01:03:23 Let's pick who you're gonna brutalize today.
01:03:27 (chime)