We do NOT want to be part of this world. Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we’re looking at the most dismal performances from live-action Disney movies.
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00:00 "Don't you recognize me, wizard?
00:02 [Crowd cheering]
00:04 Have I changed so much?"
00:06 Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we're looking at the most dismal performances from live-action Disney movies.
00:11 "We can be, we can be a family!
00:14 [Laughing]
00:16 Oh, I almost feel more, oh!
00:19 We must have music!"
00:21 Number 10 - Jennifer Garner - Mr. Magoo
00:26 This live-action adaptation of the UPI cartoon character is often cited among the worst Disney movies ever.
00:32 "I don't think she'd want to see the..."
00:35 "I'd love to see more of your charming home."
00:37 "Alright, it's..."
00:39 Ironically, the film's worst performance comes from someone whose career was about to take off.
00:44 No, this isn't a clip from the unaired alias pilot.
00:47 In one of her first film roles, Jennifer Garner played Stacy Sampanahodrita, a representative from Kyrgyzstan.
00:53 "I am Stacy Sampanahodrita of the Kyrgyzstani Foreign Office."
00:58 "Oh, this is my nephew Waldo."
01:00 "Waldo Magoo. It is an honor."
01:03 In case you were wondering, Kyrgyzstan is a fictional country.
01:06 Although, Kyrgyzstan is an actual West Asian region encompassing Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Turkey.
01:13 Whether or not there's any relation, Garner's take on the quirky foreigner archetype is all kinds of uncomfortable.
01:18 From her over-the-top wardrobe to her stereotypical accent.
01:21 "Well, in my country, the invitee always picks up the inviter."
01:24 "I'm sure that Waldo would not have it any other way."
01:27 Stereotypical of who exactly, we're not sure.
01:29 But, we feel like the whole world should be offended.
01:32 Disney reinvigorated Johnny Depp's career with Jack Sparrow, giving us a character for the ages.
01:39 "Alas, my children, this is the day you should always remember as the day that you almost..."
01:49 "Captain Jack Sparrow."
01:51 Ever since then though, Depp has been trying to recapture the eccentric spontaneity of Captain Jack with every other performance.
01:57 Nowhere is this more apparent than in The Lone Ranger.
02:00 Depp took on the iconic role of Tonto.
02:02 Although, let's be honest, he's just doing his Sparrowing shtick.
02:06 Except with more makeup and a more troubling voice.
02:08 And yeah, let's acknowledge the crow hat in the room.
02:11 Depp is part Native American.
02:14 Supposedly, by a small percentage.
02:16 "Could be worse."
02:19 "Worse?"
02:20 "How could this be worse?"
02:22 Even so, Depp's casting is more distracting than anything else.
02:26 Whether or not this controversy contributed to the film's box office failure,
02:29 it officially called the extent of Depp's star power into question.
02:33 "What's the end of the line?"
02:34 "Way to jump."
02:35 Martin Lawrence was on a hot streak of horrible movies in the 2000s.
02:42 And this feature-length sitcom virtually destroyed any remaining goodwill from his stand-up days.
02:47 Lawrence plays James Porter, a police chief who doesn't want his daughter,
02:51 played by Raven-Symoné, to move out of state for college.
02:54 "Perfect. Problem solved. What happened to our big plan?"
02:58 "We agreed on Northwestern. Did you even know she applied to Georgetown?"
03:02 We've seen the overprotective father caricature before,
03:05 but Lawrence's performance is so unhinged, and at times threatening,
03:08 that James seems like he should be sedated.
03:10 Or at least have his taser taken away.
03:12 "Tracy, you a guy?"
03:16 "Mm-hmm."
03:17 "Yeah, yeah, I'm a guy."
03:19 "Nice to meet you."
03:21 "Nice to... meet...
03:25 Nice to meet you, Tracy."
03:28 Even the dean of Disney Channel Acting School would tell Lawrence to dial it back.
03:32 Of course, it doesn't help when the film suddenly tries to be sentimental,
03:35 requiring Lawrence to go from a raving madman to sincere father.
03:39 "I never thought this day would come."
03:42 "I did. But I'm proud of you."
03:46 This Academy Award winner can be a charismatic and intimidating screen presence,
03:54 seemingly making him an ideal choice to play King Triton.
03:57 Javier Bardem brings zero passion to the role, however.
04:00 Whether condemning Ariel for saving a human...
04:02 "You broke the rules.
04:06 You went to the above world."
04:09 ...or finally letting her go, Bardem possesses even less emotion
04:12 than the hideously rendered sea creatures that Triton presides over.
04:16 "You shouldn't have had to give up your voice to be heard."
04:19 Maybe Bardem simply doesn't work well in CGI-heavy environments.
04:23 In any case, he reads his lines with the investment of somebody
04:26 who accepted the role for his daughter and can't wait to collect his paycheck.
04:29 Remember the scene in the original where Triton is transformed
04:32 from a commanding ruler to a powerless polyp?
04:34 That sums up what Bardem does to the character with his passive delivery.
04:39 "Where is Ariel?"
04:41 "Sebastian?"
04:46 Number 6. Cuba Gooding Jr.
04:49 Snow Dogs.
04:50 Has any actor fallen further after winning an Oscar than Cuba Gooding Jr.?
04:54 Ah-da-da-da! Before you list someone else in the comments,
04:57 Snow Dogs. We rest our case.
04:59 Granted, Gooding clearly wasn't gunning for another Oscar
05:02 or even a Golden Globe as Theodore Brooks,
05:04 a dentist who inherits a pack of sled dogs.
05:07 "They're stuck in here!"
05:09 "Triple! Ah! Drop it! Let go!"
05:13 Even with a lazy script that inexplicably had five credited writers,
05:17 Gooding takes the film from obnoxiously bad to what were they thinking bad.
05:21 "Don't talk to me like I'm poor. You're not the boss of me."
05:25 "Of course I shouted 'stop'!"
05:27 Ted is supposed to be the quote-unquote "normal outsider"
05:30 in a village of colorful characters,
05:32 when in reality, Gooding behaves like somebody from another planet.
05:35 When Gooding isn't screaming through a scene, oftentimes for no reason,
05:38 "You got something wrong with your head!"
05:40 he's mugging to new extremes of desperation,
05:43 making the dogs feel more natural.
05:45 #5. Charto Copley - Maleficent
05:48 We sense that the filmmakers wanted King Stefan to be a sympathetic villain
05:52 who becomes blinded by greed and grief.
05:55 "How does it feel, hmm?"
05:59 "To be a fairy creature without wings?"
06:04 "In a world where you don't belong!"
06:08 We lose any empathy for Stefan early on, though,
06:11 and his descent into madness feels about as fluid as Daenerys's.
06:14 While much of this is due to poor writing,
06:16 Charto Copley doesn't elevate the material,
06:18 coming off as confused as he shifts between overacting and underacting.
06:22 There's a scene where Aurora returns to her father after years,
06:25 only to go ignored.
06:27 "Father, it's me, Aurora!"
06:30 So many emotions could have been conveyed through Stefan's face alone,
06:34 from sorrow over the times lost,
06:36 to the pursuit of revenge overshadowing the love Stefan once felt.
06:39 Copley expresses none of that
06:41 in a performance that never evolves beyond reading from a script.
06:44 "Maleficent, I've come to warn you.
06:48 They mean to kill you."
06:50 #4. Matthew Broderick - Inspector Gadget
06:53 We understand that some changes are inevitable
06:56 when translating a half-hour animated show into a live-action feature,
06:59 #1. Matthew Broderick - Inspector Gadget
07:02 but Disney's Inspector Gadget practically goes out of its way
07:08 to enrage fans of the source material.
07:11 Matthew Broderick in particular misfires as Inspector Gadget,
07:14 or John Brown as he's called here.
07:16 Broderick is completely clueless,
07:18 which you could argue is in the spirit of the character,
07:20 but not in the right way.
07:22 "I don't know what's wrong. I seem to be ill.
07:25 And I can't seem to remember anything."
07:27 He's no Don Adams,
07:29 transforming Gadget from an absent-minded good-doer
07:32 who bumbles in and out of trouble
07:34 to a bland everyman with little humor, charm, or personality.
07:37 The only thing more awkward than Broderick's portrayal of Gadget
07:40 is his performance as the evil Robo-Gadget.
07:43 "Hey, what'd you do that for?"
07:45 "We shouldn't be fighting.
07:47 We've got a lot in common except I've got nicer teeth."
07:50 "I'd hoped that we could have worked together."
07:54 Between these two, we get the worst of both Brodericks.
07:57 #3 - Mila Kunis - Oz the Great and Powerful
08:00 This Oz origin story miscasts Mila Kunis in more ways than one.
08:04 For starters, she's supposed to be Rachel Weisz's sister,
08:07 even though they have different accents.
08:09 "Sister, you lied to me!"
08:11 "It's nice, isn't it?
08:13 How clear everything becomes."
08:16 That nitpick aside, Kunis's performance doesn't become genuinely awful
08:20 until Theodora turns into the Wicked Witch of the West.
08:22 Um, spoilers?
08:24 Not only are the makeup effects laughable,
08:26 but Kunis approaches the part as if she were in an elementary school play.
08:29 "Geez, come on, everybody.
08:31 I know it sucks, but they're just kids."
08:33 Kunis screeches and sneers through every scene,
08:36 hoping somebody will take her seriously.
08:38 "There's so much good here.
08:40 It sickens me."
08:42 [Screams]
08:46 Although we've seen more dignity from people cosplaying as Elphaba at BroadwayCon,
08:50 Kunis is a talented actress,
08:52 but words can't describe how wrong she is for this role.
08:55 The second she turns green, any hope for this performance melts away.
08:58 "Never!"
09:03 [Laughing]
09:07 Number 2. Tom Hanks - Pinocchio
09:10 Director Robert Zemeckis has guided Tom Hanks towards some of his best performances,
09:14 but he also played a hand in arguably this actor's worst.
09:17 Tom Hanks' take on Geppetto is somehow even cartoonier than the animated version,
09:21 sporting an outlandish wig and an even more ridiculous Italian accent.
09:25 "Blue fairy.
09:27 I did my college.
09:29 I wish... I wish that my..."
09:31 Suddenly, Hanks' Dutch accent Elvis doesn't seem all that...
09:34 No, it's still bad.
09:36 "If you are so determined to get out of our contract..."
09:39 "You're goddamn right I want out!"
09:41 "Well, I will personally loan you the money that you owe to Jamboree Attraction."
09:44 But this is just as irritating.
09:46 You know what's even cringier than watching Hanks talk to CGI characters in a hokey accent?
09:50 Watching Hanks sing to CGI characters we know aren't there.
09:54 "Pinocchio, Pinocchio.
09:57 Holy smoky-o, Pinocchio, Pinocchio."
10:01 Surely, Hanks must have realized he was in a bad movie after having to rhyme "Pinocchio" with "Nokio."
10:06 If he claims otherwise, somebody's nose is bound to grow.
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10:24 Number 1. Shaquille O'Neal, Kazam
10:29 When did we jump the shark as a society?
10:31 Was it when we elected a reality TV host president?
10:34 Or when OJ Simpson's goddaughter became an idol to our youth?
10:37 We'd personally go back to 1996, when Disney enlisted Shaq to play a rapping genie.
10:42 "Who dare to wake me?
10:46 Ain't gonna make this a mystery."
10:50 This NBA All-Star has many gifts, but there are three things he is not.
10:54 For one, he's not a movie star.
10:56 Preparing for the role of Kazam with the same levels of dedication,
10:59 we expect go into a Papa John's commercial.
11:01 "My resolution is to eat better.
11:03 Epic stuffed crust, better ingredients, better pizza. I'm eating better."
11:07 Secondly, he's not a rapper, just because he contributed a poem to chicken soup for the kid's soul.
11:12 "My name is Kazam, I got the whole plan.
11:15 So listen to the man, 'cause I'm the Sultan of San."
11:18 Finally, Shaq is not a genie.
11:21 Although he has a better shot at becoming one than the latter two things.
11:24 Which performance made you groan?
11:26 Seriously, Disney? Vent in the comments.
11:28 "This is not over, boys."
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11:40 [ ♪ Outro ]