Chasing Butterflies

Combo Film

Chasing Butterflies

Transcript

00:00:30♪

00:00:35♪

00:00:40♪

00:00:45♪

00:00:50♪

00:00:55♪

00:01:00♪

00:01:05♪

00:01:10♪

00:01:15♪

00:01:20♪

00:01:25♪

00:01:30♪

00:01:35Alright, let's go.

00:01:36♪

00:01:39Let's go.

00:01:40♪

00:01:45♪

00:01:50Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

00:01:58Damn it.

00:01:59♪

00:02:02One short.

00:02:03Stop the line.

00:02:04♪

00:02:09♪

00:02:14♪

00:02:19♪

00:02:24♪

00:02:29♪

00:02:32Music of Camille Saint-Saëns,

00:02:34Allegro appassionato from his opus 43,

00:02:38performed by cellist Inizio Inferno,

00:02:41with musical accompaniment by Sebastian Kuhs.

00:02:46You're listening to 90.4 WPBU, Brookfield.

00:02:51My name is Roland Gillette,

00:02:54and this is Breakfast Epiphanies,

00:02:57sharing with you this morning

00:02:59the sounds of amore.

00:03:04Turning now to a piece celebrated

00:03:06for its animated musical imagery,

00:03:08a romantic favorite,

00:03:09Handel's Andante Allegro harp concerto in B-flat.

00:03:16♪

00:03:21♪

00:03:26♪

00:03:31♪

00:03:36♪

00:03:41♪

00:03:46♪

00:03:51♪

00:03:56♪

00:04:01♪

00:04:06♪

00:04:11♪

00:04:16♪

00:04:21It's a shame your parents couldn't be here to see this day.

00:04:24Yes, I know, Father.

00:04:26I wish they could be.

00:04:27Well, one thing is sure, son.

00:04:28Somewhere in heaven there are smiling eyes today,

00:04:31if you know who I mean.

00:04:32Now, I don't know how to put this gracefully,

00:04:34but I've got another wedding at 12.30,

00:04:36so I wondered if we might just dispatch

00:04:39with the signing of the marriage certificate,

00:04:41if that's okay?

00:04:42Sure.

00:04:43Look, we, uh, we really appreciate you

00:04:46taking this on such short notice.

00:04:48Oh, not at all.

00:04:49I'll have Nina sign it.

00:04:52There we are.

00:04:53Nearly legal.

00:04:54Just gotta make sure the bride signs on the dotted line.

00:04:57I'll trust you for that, Father.

00:04:58Oh, and...

00:04:59Thank you.

00:05:00Oh, my pleasure.

00:05:01♪

00:05:04Nina?

00:05:07Is everything all right, honey?

00:05:09♪

00:05:12All right, take your time.

00:05:14We can't have a wedding without you.

00:05:18♪

00:05:33Hello, Nina.

00:05:36Hello, Jack.

00:05:41You know my wife.

00:05:43Gwen, so nice to see you again.

00:05:45Likewise.

00:05:46Congratulations to you.

00:05:47Everything looks lovely.

00:05:49Yes, yes, lovely.

00:05:50Uh, string quartet, your idea?

00:05:52Yes.

00:05:53Oddly reminiscent, eh?

00:05:55Yes, it is, isn't it?

00:05:57Well, I wanted this party to have a little bit of everything.

00:05:59Something old, something new.

00:06:01Something borrowed.

00:06:02Uh, something blue, of course.

00:06:04Yes.

00:06:05Well, you can keep it.

00:06:06I threw it out hoping someone would find a use for it.

00:06:09I should check on the bride.

00:06:12Dear.

00:06:13What?

00:06:15♪

00:06:46Give me a quarter.

00:06:47Here, take two.

00:06:54You look pretty hot in that dress.

00:06:55Well, I think.

00:06:57♪

00:07:28♪

00:07:35A little something for Mrs.

00:07:43R2D2 of condoms.

00:07:46♪

00:08:06What the hell's that?

00:08:07Protection.

00:08:08Let's bounce.

00:08:15All right, Nina, open up this goddamn door.

00:08:17There's a wedding out there in case you haven't noticed.

00:08:20Guests, a groom, your father.

00:08:23We've spent a minor fortune and the priest is all aflutter.

00:08:27Now, come on.

00:08:35Nini?

00:08:40Am I going to have to knock down this door?

00:08:46All right.

00:08:49Stand back.

00:08:50I'm coming in.

00:08:57Ooh!

00:08:59Oh!

00:09:00Oh!

00:09:01Oh!

00:09:02Holy Jesus, I think I dislocated my shoulder.

00:09:07I hope you're happy now.

00:09:09I'm going to be lurching all afternoon like Peter Lorre.

00:09:12Will you please open up?

00:09:16Oh!

00:09:39Looks like an open bar.

00:09:44You may think I'm an old fool, but I still have a trick or two up my...

00:09:49Screen?

00:09:51Shit!

00:09:53Nina?

00:09:54Oh, God, God, God, please tell me this isn't happening.

00:09:58Oh, God.

00:10:02Yes?

00:10:03It's Father Ed.

00:10:04Are you ladies about ready in there?

00:10:05Oh, yes.

00:10:07Yes.

00:10:08Just checking.

00:10:09Time's a little tight.

00:10:10Could Nina sign this?

00:10:11Uh...

00:10:14No problem, Father.

00:10:18Be right down.

00:10:20Very good.

00:10:23Oh, this is just great.

00:10:29Everything is so perfect.

00:10:32The music, the day.

00:10:35Oh, David.

00:10:40Everything my wedding wasn't.

00:10:52How about if we skip the greeting, go right to the ring, and then the vows?

00:10:55I don't suppose there's anything wrong, do you?

00:10:57No.

00:10:58Of course not.

00:10:59Are you all right?

00:11:00Had another contraction.

00:11:02Another, David?

00:11:03Uh, sure.

00:11:04Hold on a minute, Charlie.

00:11:05I've got to give the bride away.

00:11:06Yes, we're not forgetting about you, Jack.

00:11:08Go stand over there and greet Nina when she comes down.

00:11:12Any minute now.

00:11:14Now, as soon as he hands her over, why don't you step in, slip the ring on her finger, like this.

00:11:19Does that work?

00:11:21Sure.

00:11:22Good.

00:11:23Did you give the ring to little Maddie?

00:11:25Okay, good.

00:11:26Now, while the audience is on you saying the ring vows, maybe we can make another segue right here.

00:11:31Oh, thank God.

00:11:32Here she comes.

00:11:33Oh, good.

00:11:34Places.

00:11:36Welcome.

00:11:47Her father's never been around.

00:11:48I'm surprised he even recognizes her.

00:11:53It's a pitiful fire, drill darling, but you look beautiful.

00:11:58Oh, I am so proud of you.

00:12:00Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God to join David and Nina in holy matrimony.

00:12:05Who offers this woman to be married?

00:12:07I do.

00:12:08The ring is the holy symbol of God's covenant.

00:12:10Do you, David, take this woman to be your wife, forsaking all others till death do you part?

00:12:15Do you, Nina, take this man to be your husband, forsaking all others till death do you part?

00:12:19I do.

00:12:20Okay, ring.

00:12:21Ring.

00:12:22Oh, God.

00:12:23Ring.

00:12:24Where is it?

00:12:25You don't have the ring?

00:12:26But the ring is the holy symbol.

00:12:28You really should have said something.

00:12:29My butt.

00:12:30Ah.

00:12:31Oh.

00:12:32Oh.

00:12:33Well, the hell with it.

00:12:34Take her hand.

00:12:35Take her hand.

00:12:36Before God and these witnesses, I now pronounce you man and wife.

00:12:39You may kiss the bride.

00:12:40Here.

00:12:41You better get her to a hospital.

00:12:43What the hell is this?

00:12:44Oh, David, just shut up and kiss me.

00:12:46I'll explain later.

00:12:47What in the name of Jesus prunes?

00:12:49Is this some sort of sick prank?

00:12:51Oh, just be quiet, Jack.

00:12:53Nina's gone.

00:12:54What do you mean, gone?

00:12:55What?

00:12:56You heard me.

00:12:57She's gone.

00:12:58Oh, God.

00:12:59You haven't stolen the ring.

00:13:00Can you turn that frolic off?

00:13:02Oh, come on.

00:13:04Right, now tell me what's going on here.

00:13:07She's gone.

00:13:08What do you mean, gone?

00:13:09Where?

00:13:10I don't know, but we'll find her.

00:13:13You mean she left?

00:13:14Well, not exactly.

00:13:16Well, what exactly do you mean?

00:13:18She, um, stepped out.

00:13:20What?

00:13:22Of the window.

00:13:23Oh.

00:13:24Okay, but it's fine, really.

00:13:25Oh, sure, everything's in perfect order, except no ring, no bride.

00:13:28I'm Michael D. Panamniotic Fluid.

00:13:30And of course, there's the small matter that I just married my mother-in-law.

00:13:33Oh, not really.

00:13:34Oh, no?

00:13:35Well, then how do you explain this?

00:13:36Your name is Nina Davis, isn't it?

00:13:40Yeah, well, that was kind of a funny thing.

00:13:42Oh, signsplitting, Nina.

00:13:44I expect a check for $3,000.

00:13:47Not to mention a public apology for this, this, this miscarriage of matrimony.

00:13:51And where did Nina find this, this, this swinger?

00:13:54Wait just a damn minute.

00:13:55You stay out of this, you transgenerational, thrill-seeking, dirty young man.

00:13:59Just because your mama got undressed with the door open does not mean that you can laugh at me.

00:14:03Oh, just let me find her, you fat, dirty-minded, absentee bag of wind.

00:14:10I'll give you 24 hours, and then I'm calling my lawyer.

00:14:13Let's go, darling.

00:14:20I signed a license for her, naturally.

00:14:22Oh, naturally.

00:14:23What would you have done?

00:14:25Me? Oh, I don't know.

00:14:27Maybe instead of marrying some poor, insuspecting bastard by proxy, I would have told the truth.

00:14:31Hopefully she loves you.

00:14:33We just have to convince her to come back, that's all.

00:14:35Why did she leave?

00:14:37Oh, it's the baby. I'm sure of it.

00:14:39If you'd ever been pregnant, you'd understand.

00:14:41The hormones alone are enough to scramble your brain.

00:14:44This, this is just a young girl's fear.

00:14:47That's all it is.

00:14:48All she had to do was say so, and it would have been off.

00:14:51She knows that.

00:14:52It's not off, I tell you.

00:14:53Now, come over here and look at me. Look.

00:14:55Nina puts on this dress, looks in the mirror, and what do you think she sees?

00:15:01You.

00:15:02Because, technically speaking, she never puts on the dress.

00:15:05You do.

00:15:06Exactly.

00:15:07Huh?

00:15:09Sorry, for a second I thought there was logic at work there.

00:15:12She sees her mother.

00:15:14You know, I hate to say it, but I think she's just afraid of becoming me.

00:15:18I'm beginning to understand why.

00:15:20Oh, come on. Put yourself in my place.

00:15:23All those people out there, my blowhard ex-husband, the arrangements, my reputation.

00:15:28Oh, God, my reputation.

00:15:30Look, she loves you.

00:15:32She's always had performance anxiety.

00:15:34She'll come back if we don't find her first, I'm sure of it.

00:15:37Believe me.

00:15:38Believe you?

00:15:39How can I believe you?

00:15:41Well, then believe in her.

00:15:42You said yourself that she would never leave without saying something.

00:15:46She's panicked or kidnapped or something.

00:15:50Kidnapped? You are mentally disordered.

00:15:52Oh, God, I need a drink. Don't you?

00:15:55Yeah, what do you have?

00:15:57Oh, a little bit of everything.

00:15:59Perfect. Make mine a double.

00:16:17Oh, thank God.

00:16:19So what's a hire like you doing out bumming a ride there, bro?

00:16:23Um, hamming.

00:16:26Um, it's a long story, really.

00:16:29My name's Chipper, but you can call me Chip.

00:16:32Pretty fat wheels, huh?

00:16:34Pretty fat.

00:16:35My pops is Chicago, so I sort of build his car for the day, if you know what I mean.

00:16:40I'm just marrying me, checking it.

00:16:42My aunt's talking about it later.

00:16:43That's cool.

00:16:46So, uh, how long you been driving there, Chipper?

00:16:49Chip, about ten minutes.

00:16:51This totally rocks.

00:16:52I can't wait to get my license.

00:16:54I mean, I'm close, but that's all bullshit anyway, right?

00:16:57I don't test well.

00:16:58I got some learning disability or something.

00:17:00Some shit looks bad.

00:17:02Uh-huh.

00:17:03So, uh...

00:17:04Where you want to go?

00:17:06Uh, well...

00:17:11I don't know yet.

00:17:12Cool, cool. We'll just carouse.

00:17:16Hey, hey, hey!

00:17:19He's walking his dog!

00:17:21Yeah, well, fuck him.

00:17:22He can walk some other place.

00:17:24Wait.

00:17:25No, I'm sorry.

00:17:26I'm just a magnet for shit like this.

00:17:28Do you know how it is?

00:17:29Yeah, that's the trouble with shit.

00:17:30You never know when it's magnetic.

00:17:32I'm getting out of here.

00:17:34No, wait.

00:17:35I was just talking to my...

00:17:36I got caught!

00:17:37You got caught?

00:17:39Yeah, you know.

00:17:40Yeah, I know.

00:17:41Look, we could, like, go back to my crib,

00:17:44hang out if you wanted.

00:17:45We got, like, a hot tub and everything.

00:17:47A hot tub, really?

00:17:49Yeah, it sucks at my mom's place,

00:17:51but my dad's put together a pretty dope place.

00:17:53We got, like, big screens and stairs

00:17:55and, like, four or five rooms.

00:17:57Oh, and I got Nico Ultimate Deathmatch.

00:17:59We got all kinds of stuff to drink, too.

00:18:01I don't know what you're into.

00:18:03Uh, scotch, like 12-year-old,

00:18:05beer, coolers?

00:18:07Dad's really into beer right now,

00:18:08so we gotta watch what we take.

00:18:09But, you know, there's any kind you want.

00:18:11Well, you certainly make it sound appealing,

00:18:13but, uh, I gotta get out of town.

00:18:18I don't suppose you know where the bus station is.

00:18:20Fuckin' A!

00:18:22All right.

00:18:24Well, take it slow and stick to the back streets, okay?

00:18:32You sure you don't want me to drive?

00:18:34What, this bumper?

00:18:36Don't worry, baby. It's set to chill.

00:18:39And what exactly are you set on?

00:18:41Well, hey, you know.

00:18:42Yeah, I know.

00:18:44I ought to pop you right in the pimples.

00:18:46You don't have to get all hostile now.

00:18:48Oh, I don't, huh?

00:18:50Well, just what did you think we'd do back at your house?

00:18:52Drink a few coolers,

00:18:54play a round of Ultimate Deathmatch,

00:18:56and trade some baseball cards?

00:18:58Now you're fuckin' with me.

00:18:59Yeah, well, it's as close as you're gonna get.

00:19:01Let's face it, I am way out of your league here.

00:19:03Don't underestimate me.

00:19:06Let's just put it this way.

00:19:08A guy got me into this.

00:19:09I don't need a guy to get me out.

00:19:11Let's go.

00:19:12Bogus. I get you.

00:19:14I'm gonna stop you some smoke.

00:19:15Do you want anything?

00:19:18I might need you to buy me a drink.

00:19:28Let's hit the button.

00:19:41Easy.

00:19:43Ow!

00:19:45Ow! I'm sorry.

00:19:48You all right?

00:19:49Ow! I'm bleeding.

00:19:51Thank you.

00:19:55Sorry about that.

00:19:58I better change. We haven't got much time.

00:20:00We're not going anywhere.

00:20:02I'm gonna try her on.

00:20:04I'm gonna try her on.

00:20:06I'm gonna try her on.

00:20:08I'm gonna try her on.

00:20:10I'm gonna try her on herself.

00:20:12Don't bother. It's upstairs.

00:20:14She must have left in a hurry.

00:20:16You mean she doesn't want to be found.

00:20:18Now, now, you've got to trust me.

00:20:20I mean, will you?

00:20:22What's the matter?

00:20:24I'm your wife now, you know.

00:20:26Besides, you're a doctor, aren't you?

00:20:28I'm a urologist.

00:20:30You got any more surprises?

00:20:31I don't dare say.

00:20:35I take it you've read or seen Oedipus Rex?

00:20:38Yes.

00:20:39Just checking.

00:20:40Don't gouge your eyes out just yet.

00:20:42We haven't consummated anything.

00:20:44Well, let's not adulterate an already messed up situation.

00:20:48You have a lot to learn, honey.

00:20:50Drink up.

00:20:52Here's to us, I suppose.

00:20:56Oh!

00:20:58This could use a little grenadine.

00:21:00Oh, Jesus.

00:21:02What did you put in this?

00:21:03A little bit of everything.

00:21:05Just what you asked for.

00:21:07Gee, Tammy, thanks for the smokes.

00:21:10Sorry about filling up your legs and everything.

00:21:13That's okay.

00:21:15It's nice to know I'm such a fly babe, I guess.

00:21:19Thanks for the ride.

00:21:22I'll see you around.

00:21:24Yeah, see you, Tammy.

00:21:31Yo, Danny, what's up?

00:21:34Dude, listen.

00:21:35You're never going to believe this shit.

00:21:37What, a tripper?

00:21:38Hey, yo, listen.

00:21:39I just picked up this serious piece.

00:21:42You should have seen her.

00:21:44Nah, you're full of shit.

00:21:45Seriously, I just rolled down the vent.

00:21:47It wasn't even that many.

00:21:48What does she look like?

00:21:49She must have been skanked.

00:21:50No way.

00:21:51She got pirated.

00:21:52Skanked.

00:21:53She was not skanked, dickweed.

00:21:54This bitch was stanked, I suppose.

00:21:56Yeah, whatever.

00:21:57I didn't notice.

00:21:58She was too busy kissing me and shit.

00:22:00On the real, it's your mother, maybe.

00:22:02Heck me.

00:22:03Jesus, dude.

00:22:04You are so not cool sometimes.

00:22:06I'm cooler than skank boy every day.

00:22:08In your skank fantasies.

00:22:09You're so gay.

00:22:10Whatever.

00:22:11Come pick me up at Walgreens.

00:22:13Whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:22:14Check this out.

00:22:15Here comes another one.

00:22:16Swear to God.

00:22:18Tell you what.

00:22:19I'll let you listen in.

00:22:21Hey.

00:22:24You're a dope-ass car.

00:22:26Yeah, girl.

00:22:27You want a ride?

00:22:29I don't know.

00:22:31Where are you going?

00:22:32Wherever.

00:22:33Hmm.

00:22:36Any chance I could maybe drive?

00:22:38Well, I guess so.

00:22:40As long as you're cool.

00:22:42Don't I look cool?

00:22:43Come on, move over.

00:22:49So, uh, what's a breezy like you doing out posting?

00:22:53Oh, I just saw this G-ride and I thought, what the fuck, right?

00:22:57Yeah, what the fuck?

00:22:58Yeah.

00:22:59Hey.

00:23:01Is this, uh, is this your Corvette?

00:23:04Yeah.

00:23:05You want a ride?

00:23:06Yeah, girl.

00:23:07Climb in.

00:23:08We're going to party.

00:23:09Whoa, dude, um, I don't know about this.

00:23:12You don't know about what?

00:23:13Shit, that's a nine millimeter.

00:23:15Only girls got to accessorize.

00:23:17Now why don't you get the fuck out?

00:23:21Hey, stop that.

00:23:22Easy.

00:23:23My dad's going to kill me.

00:23:24Yeah, you're lucky she didn't cap your ass.

00:23:28Hey!

00:23:31Oh, shit.

00:23:34Poor kid.

00:23:35Yeah, I kind of felt sorry for him.

00:23:37I don't think I even see it yet.

00:23:39Yeah, it was sexy, though.

00:23:40Yeah?

00:23:41Very Linda Hamilton.

00:23:42Who's that?

00:23:44I don't know.

00:23:46Hello.

00:23:47What's that?

00:23:48What's that?

00:23:49It's from my scrapbook.

00:23:50I got it at the flea market.

00:23:51What scrapbook?

00:23:52Hey, the honeymoon.

00:23:53Make it fun for me driving the Corvette.

00:23:55All right.

00:23:56Show me your tits.

00:23:57Anderthal, take it.

00:24:00What do you mean?

00:24:01Like every five minutes?

00:24:02What?

00:24:03I don't know.

00:24:04I just love you.

00:24:05Sexiest carjacker I ever saw.

00:24:08I'll show you a carjacker.

00:24:12Find another car wash.

00:24:16You want me to pull over?

00:24:17Over there, yeah.

00:24:20Passengers, Bullington Trailways reminds you that for your own safety,

00:24:24do not accept baggage from persons that are not memorable.

00:24:27Please keep track of your bags at all times.

00:24:29I'd like a ticket to Toronto, please.

00:24:31Thank you, sir.

00:24:33How many of those brain benders did you drink?

00:24:39I can't believe I even agreed to this.

00:24:41I should be home getting sloppy all by myself.

00:24:43You did it because you know Nina and you know I'm right.

00:24:46Now, why don't you call the police and report her missing?

00:24:48Tell them what?

00:24:49That I'm looking for my daughter-in-law so I can marry her?

00:24:52They'll think I'm Woody Allen.

00:24:54Well, it worked for him, I guess.

00:24:59We're both out of our minds.

00:25:01Besides, she's only been missing for two hours.

00:25:04The cops are going to tell me she's probably in a bar somewhere tying one on.

00:25:08Maybe they're right.

00:25:09Well, all right.

00:25:10What bars does she like?

00:25:12Well, let's see.

00:25:13There's Nerve Endings, Chico's, Day Care Center.

00:25:17That's the name of a bar?

00:25:18Yeah, it's kind of Fisher Price.

00:25:20They have toys, serve drinks in sippy cups, that sort of thing.

00:25:23Oh, and the waiter escorts you to the bathroom and gives you a lifesaver when you come out.

00:25:27That's sick.

00:25:28Who'd want to relive that?

00:25:30Oh, and the ball pit's a very big hit.

00:25:33Well, all right.

00:25:34Where is it?

00:25:36Over near the bus station.

00:25:37I've got the number in here.

00:25:40Stop, bitch!

00:25:42Stop!

00:25:50Is he hurt?

00:25:51I'm not sure.

00:25:52What, you're a doctor?

00:25:54What do you want me to do, check his prostate?

00:25:55Give me a second.

00:25:57He probably fainted.

00:25:59That was a close one, kid.

00:26:01You're all right.

00:26:02I'm Dr. Shears.

00:26:03Oh, man.

00:26:06Just stay down.

00:26:07Take your time.

00:26:08Look, man, this hood is hot as hell.

00:26:10Can I just sit up?

00:26:11Sure.

00:26:15Now, what were you doing running out in front of a speed...

00:26:18walking out in front of a car?

00:26:20I was trying to stop that bitch for help.

00:26:22And who taught you how to drive, lady?

00:26:24And who taught you how to stop cars, young man?

00:26:26Easy, both of you.

00:26:27He may be in mild shock.

00:26:30You thirsty, kid?

00:26:31I could use a beer, that's for sure.

00:26:33Some brown-haired bitch or some Armageddon-looking dude took my dad's bed from me.

00:26:38Took it?

00:26:39How?

00:26:40Like carjacking.

00:26:41Jumped in and took off.

00:26:42Oh, you poor kid.

00:26:44What did they look like?

00:26:45I don't know.

00:26:47The chick.

00:26:48The chick was hot.

00:26:49You know.

00:26:50Great.

00:26:51Get the police artist.

00:26:52Well, he's rattled.

00:26:53Who wouldn't be?

00:26:54Now, come on.

00:26:55Can you remember anything else about them?

00:26:56Like I said, she had brown hair and a tattoo on her shoulder.

00:27:00A butterfly, I think it was.

00:27:02A butterfly?

00:27:03That's odd.

00:27:04Yes.

00:27:05Who was she with again, kid?

00:27:06Some dude that came out of nowhere.

00:27:08Nina?

00:27:09No, couldn't be.

00:27:10What are the odds?

00:27:11Come on, stealing a car?

00:27:12Maybe she's in some kind of trouble.

00:27:16Where did this happen, kid?

00:27:17The bus station.

00:27:18They blew up.

00:27:19She got mental.

00:27:20We're checking this out.

00:27:21What?

00:27:22You heard him.

00:27:23The guy snuck up and grabbed her.

00:27:24Now hurry and bring him along.

00:27:25He can recognize the car.

00:27:27This is nuts.

00:27:29All right, come on.

00:27:30Whoa.

00:27:31Are we going to catch these freaks?

00:27:32Presumably.

00:27:33Fucking A.

00:27:35Where are they?

00:27:37Probably taking pictures.

00:27:39Well, at least we'll have another drink.

00:27:4688.

00:27:47Please keep the change.

00:27:49Thank you.

00:27:55What can I get you?

00:27:56Yes, could I get a regular coffee, please?

00:27:58Regular cream and sugar.

00:27:59That's correct.

00:28:00Two sugars, please.

00:28:01I'm sorry.

00:28:02This is weird, but your voice sounds almost the same as...

00:28:04Oh, yeah.

00:28:06I forgot I did this.

00:28:08You don't know how tiring it gets hearing yourself sometimes.

00:28:11Does that mean you get to ride in the freight?

00:28:14Gee, I don't know.

00:28:15I didn't think of that.

00:28:17Sir.

00:28:18Oh.

00:28:1988.

00:28:25Well, I hope that's a tip.

00:28:27Because if it isn't, I'm going to have to go.

00:28:30I hope that's a tip.

00:28:31Because it's 88 cents.

00:28:33Yeah, well, that's all I have.

00:28:34Can't you break it?

00:28:35Yeah.

00:28:36I got it right here in my apron.

00:28:38What do you think?

00:28:39Try the bus station window.

00:28:46Ought to be closing any second now.

00:28:50...and persons that are not home.

00:28:52And please keep track of your bags at all times...

00:28:55Oh, wait.

00:28:56I need change.

00:28:57Thank you for traveling with Fullington Freight.

00:29:03Here he comes.

00:29:05Look, they're closed, so...

00:29:08Oh, gosh.

00:29:09That's too bad.

00:29:11So, what are we going to do here?

00:29:16A hundred twelve coffees?

00:29:17A hundred?

00:29:19Did you calculate that in your head?

00:29:21That's amazing.

00:29:23Look, all I wanted was one...

00:29:25It's okay, I'll take care of it.

00:29:27Oh, would you?

00:29:28Oh, would you?

00:29:29Sure, Mr. Chavez is on me.

00:29:31Oh, that'd be awfully nice.

00:29:33Thank you.

00:29:34I don't know why I didn't think of this.

00:29:36Oh, don't mention it.

00:29:37Might reverse my karma a little bit.

00:29:39Believe me, I've got a lot to make up for.

00:29:42Oh?

00:29:43Yes.

00:29:44It's a long story, really.

00:29:48So, uh, are you going to Toronto?

00:29:53Who wants to know?

00:29:55I'm Roland Gillette.

00:29:58Perhaps you've heard of me?

00:29:59Jeez, I knew it.

00:30:00Of course, that voice.

00:30:02God, I was just listening to you this morning.

00:30:07In fact, aren't you still on the air right now?

00:30:10Or is that all taped or something?

00:30:12Yes, actually, I don't know quite how to put this, but...

00:30:18Can I confide in you?

00:30:21I've escaped.

00:30:23You've what?

00:30:24I put on George Friedrich Handel and, uh, I walked out.

00:30:29I know it sounds completely ridiculous.

00:30:31Oh, it makes perfect sense.

00:30:33It does?

00:30:34Yeah, you have no idea.

00:30:36Of course, I had to climb off a house and rebuff a horny 15-year-old, but...

00:30:40I don't think I quite follow you.

00:30:43Well, I might as well tell you.

00:30:48I walked out at my wedding an hour and a half ago.

00:30:51I left a little more than dead air, if you know what I mean.

00:30:54I can imagine.

00:30:56So, uh, what's your plan now?

00:31:00Plan?

00:31:01Who said anything about a plan?

00:31:03This is, uh...

00:31:05Well, I don't know what this is.

00:31:07Just don't say breakfast epiphany, whatever you say.

00:31:09That's a pretty lame pun, isn't it?

00:31:11It's lacrosse I've had to bear.

00:31:13Seems like a pretty cushy gig to me.

00:31:15Yeah, you'd think being the town boar would be more interesting, but...

00:31:19You have no idea.

00:31:21Hmm.

00:31:22Well, this is no epiphany.

00:31:24I think it's more like a quandary.

00:31:26This is the first boarding call for Bloomington Railway.

00:31:29It's route 531 to Buffalo, Toronto, Ontario.

00:31:32It's limited to global stops. No boarding at any gate.

00:31:34Well, that's us.

00:31:36Oh, so you are going to Toronto.

00:31:38Maybe. I haven't decided how far I'm going.

00:31:44Honey, did you know that corn was a hairy vegetable?

00:31:48I did not realize that.

00:31:50Baby, how far are we from Canada?

00:31:52Six or seven hours, probably.

00:31:54You know, we're definitely going to need more gas.

00:31:57Maybe we should, uh...

00:31:59find a motel?

00:32:01You're trying to keep it soft with him. He doesn't scare me.

00:32:03It's the ribs, ain't it?

00:32:05I knew I should have got the others.

00:32:06There's ribs in every other part of my skeleton.

00:32:08If I'd known he was going to bust out Horny and Roman Legion,

00:32:10I maybe would have brought a friend.

00:32:12Look, I'm sorry.

00:32:13Well, I'm not a can of paint, alright?

00:32:15Look, next time, I'll rob the store.

00:32:17It'll give me something more to focus on.

00:32:19What are you talking about? I didn't rob the store.

00:32:21You robbed the Kwik-E-Mart.

00:32:22No, I didn't. I pay for everything regular.

00:32:25You mean we carjacked a Corvette for no reason?

00:32:28It's a classic, and we had to ditch the other car anyway.

00:32:30Yeah, but we could have stole it proper.

00:32:33Jesus, Nikki, this is exactly what I'm talking about.

00:32:36I'll get ten years for this.

00:32:38I was trying to do things, you know, different.

00:32:40Different how?

00:32:41Baby, you were in two years, and you busted out again,

00:32:43so you steal a car, you carjack it.

00:32:44What difference does it make now?

00:32:45It's all adds up!

00:32:57I thought we were gonna have a baby.

00:33:00We are.

00:33:02Eventually.

00:33:03Look, that's exactly what I'm talking about.

00:33:07What kind of father carjacks a car?

00:33:09What kind of steals?

00:33:10Well, I don't know.

00:33:11Alright, then.

00:33:15How much money we got?

00:33:17About fifty.

00:33:19Fifty?

00:33:21Bucks? That's it?

00:33:22Look, there was some stuff that I had to get,

00:33:24and it's worth more up there anyway.

00:33:25Like how much more?

00:33:26I don't know.

00:33:27Oh, that's just great.

00:33:28Look, hey, I was not the one that was in such a god-awful hurry

00:33:30to get you out of G-World.

00:33:32Yeah, well, you weren't the one eating misery meat

00:33:33with a bunch of rump rangers every flippin' day

00:33:35either, now were you?

00:33:36Come on! That one's just counting.

00:33:37Most of those guys are out of there

00:33:38before they start thinking ass back.

00:33:39Yeah, well, you wouldn't know.

00:33:45Look, I was worried.

00:33:46Alright?

00:33:49Felt maybe...

00:33:53What?

00:33:57Felt maybe you'd find someone else.

00:34:05Hey.

00:34:08You tenfold.

00:34:10You tenfold.

00:34:16I love you.

00:34:19Listen, I don't care about any of that other stuff

00:34:21as long as we can be together, alright?

00:34:23So, we'll just have to find the money some other way,

00:34:26that's all.

00:34:27You mean we'll have to steam it.

00:34:29Well, what else are we gonna do?

00:34:31That's the only thing we're any good at.

00:34:35You're so cute when you get like that.

00:34:37I'm like, cool.

00:34:38Like, I don't know what's her face.

00:34:39Yeah.

00:34:40All worked up.

00:34:43Hey, look.

00:34:45What do you say we find a motel?

00:34:48Steal a car from an overnighter.

00:34:50We'll be across the border by the time they wake up.

00:34:52A motel, huh?

00:34:55Now let me get a drink first.

00:35:02We're never going to find them this way.

00:35:04I hope you got Gats.

00:35:06Yeah, this chick had a 9mm.

00:35:08Nina, you must be mistaken.

00:35:10No, man, I know my 9 when I see one.

00:35:12From the movies.

00:35:13A barrel like this.

00:35:15That's it.

00:35:16Who are you calling?

00:35:17The police.

00:35:18No!

00:35:19What are you two talking about?

00:35:21These people, whoever they are, are armed and dangerous.

00:35:24Look, man, I need my car back without a hassle.

00:35:26Oh, well, I'm sure if we just politely ask for the car back,

00:35:30they'll hand it over and hopefully not cut off our ears.

00:35:32You are mental.

00:35:33And what if there's gunplay with the police?

00:35:35Nina could get hurt.

00:35:36There's not going to be any gunplay because it's not Nina.

00:35:40We don't know who they are or where they're going.

00:35:42Whoa, yes we do.

00:35:44I almost forgot.

00:35:45Give me your phone.

00:35:46Keep your hands off me.

00:35:47Nah, man, listen.

00:35:48I left my phone on in the car so my friend Danny can listen in.

00:35:51He's probably been driving this whole time.

00:35:53Give it to him.

00:35:54I'm pulling over.

00:35:57I'm not paying any charges related to this fiasco.

00:36:00Dude, what plan you on?

00:36:06Let's just say, for argument's sake, that it is Nina.

00:36:10Who's this guy she's with, this carjacker?

00:36:13What are you getting at?

00:36:14He's probably got a rap sheet longer than a small intestine.

00:36:17Where'd she meet him?

00:36:18Maybe it was the ball pit.

00:36:20Very funny.

00:36:22I don't want to call his cell because he'll screw up the call waiting and lose my phone.

00:36:27I guess I could call his house, but his mom's an Uber bitch.

00:36:32Well, fucking A.

00:36:35I think you used that wrong.

00:36:37What?

00:36:38The expression.

00:36:39You know, I think you used it wrong.

00:36:41That's an expression, is it?

00:36:43You realize it's the only adjective P. Zitty here knows.

00:36:45Apparently fuck has more meanings than aloha.

00:36:48Well, they both mean hello and goodbye if you think about it.

00:36:53I'm going to try not to.

00:36:55Hello?

00:36:56Mrs. Barman?

00:36:57Is Danny there?

00:36:58Yeah, it's Chippa.

00:37:00Danny!

00:37:02What are you doing up there?

00:37:03Nothing.

00:37:04Chippa's on the phone.

00:37:06Oh, he is?

00:37:07Okay, hold on.

00:37:17Dude, what happened?

00:37:18I was carjacked.

00:37:19You heard it?

00:37:20Yeah, I heard it.

00:37:21I was hurt some more, too.

00:37:22Right after that, they pulled over and they started shagging.

00:37:25It was like porno.

00:37:26He was like, oh.

00:37:28Took forever.

00:37:29No way.

00:37:30Yes way.

00:37:31It was funnier than hell.

00:37:32The dude, he's just out of prison or something, so he wants it constant.

00:37:35But the chick's being a real bitch about it, if you ask me.

00:37:38Anyways, I can't talk long.

00:37:40What do you want me to do?

00:37:41Just keep listening until you tell me where they're going.

00:37:43And don't take any incoming calls.

00:37:45I need that car back.

00:37:47No cops or I'm toast.

00:37:49Word.

00:37:50I already know they're heading to Canada, though.

00:37:51Except they're out of gas and the chick's spending most of their money.

00:37:54So they're probably going to have to stop someplace and go medieval on some people.

00:37:57Cool.

00:37:58You know what highway?

00:37:59Uh, the dude said something about stopping in Bethany.

00:38:02That's awesome.

00:38:03If anything changes, call me back at...

00:38:06571-2228.

00:38:08571-2228.

00:38:11Got it?

00:38:12K, later.

00:38:14Awesome.

00:38:15We're on their ass.

00:38:17Awesome.

00:38:24This isn't at all what I pictured.

00:38:26I figured there'd be, like, college students and white supremacists and people muttering to themselves.

00:38:33I think a bingo game might break out at any second.

00:38:37So you've never been on a bus before?

00:38:39No.

00:38:40You?

00:38:41Oh, yeah.

00:38:42Many times.

00:38:44Really?

00:38:45A crudité guy like yourself?

00:38:47What's that supposed to mean?

00:38:49I don't know.

00:38:50I just figured you must hang out with society types.

00:38:52Oh, yeah.

00:38:53The crudité types.

00:38:54I think you got that wrong.

00:38:55Whatever.

00:38:56It's just the first thing I thought of, okay?

00:38:58I don't know.

00:38:59I'm just a disc jockey.

00:39:01A crudité disc jockey, but just a disc jockey nevertheless.

00:39:05You carry a lot of money for a run-of-the-mill disc jockey.

00:39:10Money is just, uh, necessary under the circumstances.

00:39:16Which are?

00:39:18Plucky, aren't you?

00:39:20Whatever that means.

00:39:23I, uh...

00:39:25I've had some marriage problems.

00:39:29Probably not what you wanted to hear right now, right?

00:39:32Oh, hey, it's not like you're chasing me around the bus.

00:39:35I don't think that's possible.

00:39:38So, you're leaving.

00:39:40Why the bus trip?

00:39:41Why not just deal with it?

00:39:43I could ask you the same question.

00:39:47Plucky, are you?

00:39:49Well, I knew there wouldn't be a passenger list for one thing.

00:39:54You?

00:39:55Exactly.

00:39:58You mean...

00:40:02Cell phone?

00:40:05That's just freaky.

00:40:07They'll never find us.

00:40:09Wow.

00:40:11So why are we stopping?

00:40:13I'm sorry, folks, but we seem to have lost power.

00:40:16For your own safety, I'm going to have to ask that you remain seated

00:40:19while I go outside and look under the carriage.

00:40:21I apologize for the inconvenience.

00:40:32You mean what we got here?

00:40:33Yeah.

00:40:34I mean, I don't know.

00:40:35I don't know.

00:40:36I don't know.

00:40:37I don't know.

00:40:38I don't know.

00:40:39I don't know.

00:40:41You mean what we got here?

00:40:43It's a bus.

00:40:45So? I mean, it looks like they got some trouble.

00:40:47More than they know.

00:40:49Come on.

00:40:50What?

00:40:52Stagecoach robbery.

00:41:08Hey, uh...

00:41:10You having some trouble there, buddy?

00:41:12Oh, yeah.

00:41:13Looks like we're losing oil.

00:41:15Pressure's down to nothing.

00:41:16Lost power.

00:41:17That's the passengers.

00:41:19Yeah, a few folks heading up to the falls.

00:41:21Want me to, uh, call someone for you?

00:41:24No, I can call in.

00:41:25I just thought I'd check it out first.

00:41:26Are you letting everybody off?

00:41:29Yeah, pretty quickly.

00:41:30I gotta light some flares first.

00:41:32I'll go tell them for you.

00:41:33That's my job, mister.

00:41:34Hold it right there, Al.

00:41:36You got your harness?

00:41:38Not straight down.

00:41:40Ladies and gentlemen,

00:41:42the driver has asked me to announce

00:41:44that you will all be getting off the bus

00:41:46to stretch your legs in a moment.

00:41:49He would like to ask that you proceed off the bus

00:41:52in an orderly fashion

00:41:53and onto the shoulder of the road

00:41:55one row at a time,

00:41:57beginning with the front row.

00:42:00Uh, couldn't he do it himself, young man?

00:42:03Well, if you will direct your attention

00:42:06to the roadside,

00:42:08you will notice that

00:42:09Mr. Kahn has encountered a small road hazard.

00:42:15It would be a shame to have to shoot him.

00:42:19And now,

00:42:21ladies and gentlemen,

00:42:23for your own comfort and safety,

00:42:25I will have to ask that you leave behind

00:42:28all money, jewelry, cell phones,

00:42:31and all other valuables on your seat

00:42:34as you debuss.

00:42:36On behalf of the captain and crew,

00:42:38please have a safe and pleasant stay

00:42:40on the side of the road

00:42:41or wherever your final destination may be.

00:42:44Now give me all your shit!

00:42:46Give it over.

00:42:47What have you got?

00:42:48Thank you, that'll do nicely.

00:42:49Thank you.

00:42:50Can you believe this?

00:42:52I guess you're never safe.

00:42:54True.

00:42:59Is that all your cash?

00:43:01No, it's all under the bus.

00:43:03What?

00:43:04But you should never put it there.

00:43:06You should...

00:43:07Shit!

00:43:08What? Where's yours?

00:43:11Well, if you ever need a hundred dollars,

00:43:13I would ask.

00:43:14What have we here?

00:43:17Well, I'll take this,

00:43:18and this should come in handy as well.

00:43:21And you two lovebirds,

00:43:23just stay right there.

00:43:26Don't move a muscle.

00:43:29Stay right there.

00:43:31Oh, looky here.

00:43:33Look what I found.

00:43:34It's another wallet.

00:43:37Nobody moves.

00:43:39Nobody gets hurt.

00:43:41Nice and easy.

00:43:43Keep your hands where I can see them.

00:43:45All right.

00:43:50What do you think of this one?

00:43:52It's nice.

00:43:54I'll bet it's an antique.

00:43:56Probably.

00:44:00Hey, take my picture.

00:44:02Brother, again?

00:44:03Come on, just take it.

00:44:08There.

00:44:09Thanks.

00:44:10I think it makes me look...

00:44:12I don't know...

00:44:14Class.

00:44:15You always got class, baby.

00:44:18Now how about you?

00:44:20Me?

00:44:21I got no class.

00:44:23I know you lug nuts.

00:44:24I mean, let's see what you look like with a ring on.

00:44:26Right, but let's hurry it up.

00:44:27I want to dump this car over at the diner.

00:44:29Isn't that conspicuous?

00:44:31Say what?

00:44:32You know, obvious parking the car out in the open like that.

00:44:34Well, park it in the back.

00:44:36Go in and have dinner.

00:44:37Nobody will think nothing.

00:44:42Here.

00:44:43This one's you.

00:44:46Strong and simple.

00:44:50Now you're mine.

00:44:52I'll be a warning to all the others.

00:44:55Okay, look, we'll get to that.

00:44:58Now give me your wallet.

00:45:29Getting in some practice.

00:45:34Boys.

00:45:35Come down.

00:45:38You need a room?

00:45:40Yeah.

00:45:41Two.

00:45:42Two rooms.

00:45:44Two people.

00:45:45Do you have a queen size?

00:45:49Nope.

00:45:50Just a full size.

00:45:53Just a full size.

00:45:56Might have to get the...

00:45:59You traveling with the missus, are you?

00:46:03Yeah.

00:46:04That's right.

00:46:06So your wife, she's in the car there, is she?

00:46:14Mm-hmm.

00:46:16Well, you see, I only ask because as you can probably see,

00:46:20I'm a man of faith and this here is a Christian establishment.

00:46:24It says so right on the sign here.

00:46:28I get all types in here.

00:46:30Transients, truckers, what have you, you know,

00:46:35and a lot of these people, well,

00:46:37they don't respect the values of marriage

00:46:41or they're folks engaged in adulterous shenanigans

00:46:46or homosexual parties and whatnot.

00:46:52Boys, be good.

00:46:56These dang dogs are always barking.

00:47:00I reckon they miss their mama.

00:47:02Anyway, it's my place and it's my right to refuse any parties

00:47:07who may be engaged in unlawful activities as is detailed in our state constitution.

00:47:13It also gives me a chance to witness a bit my personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

00:47:19Now, you look like you might have come from the tough side of town.

00:47:23Yeah, I did.

00:47:26Amen to that.

00:47:28I thought so.

00:47:31No disrespect intended, but when I see a nice car like that,

00:47:35I reckon a fella would do all right with the ladies.

00:47:42Well, it is a Corvette.

00:47:47Well, I'm just making sure that you really got the missus out there, that's all.

00:47:52Oh, I can go get her.

00:47:54I need to get my plate number anyway.

00:47:56I always forget it.

00:47:57Glory be to God.

00:47:58Yeah, I appreciate it.

00:47:59I'll just run that through for you, Mr. Gillette.

00:48:11Get out.

00:48:12This kook wants to look you over.

00:48:16It's okay.

00:48:17Just leave the ring on.

00:48:24Thanks for volunteering me for the three-mile hike.

00:48:27I didn't volunteer you.

00:48:28I volunteered myself.

00:48:30You could have stayed behind and sat on your bag of money.

00:48:33I'd miss the delightful company.

00:48:35I wouldn't dream of it.

00:48:37I guess this all seems very funny to you.

00:48:39I'm in a serious jam now.

00:48:41I realize that.

00:48:43I'd like to help.

00:48:45Well, it's very sweet, Roley, but let's face it.

00:48:47You owe me exactly 88 cents.

00:48:49I'm not your responsibility.

00:48:50I know that, but I like you.

00:48:53Yeah, well, coming from a guy that can mean about 88 different things.

00:48:57Let me guess.

00:48:58You want to get to know me better.

00:48:59Oh, come on.

00:49:00I'm twice your age.

00:49:02Yeah, and you just left your wife.

00:49:05She left me.

00:49:09She...

00:49:11Oh, I didn't know.

00:49:14I thought you said...

00:49:15It's all right.

00:49:16I'm sorry, I just...

00:49:17It's a lousy double standard we've got, isn't it?

00:49:19Well, you want to talk about it?

00:49:21No.

00:49:23Well, was it another guy?

00:49:26Sorry.

00:49:29She had an affair.

00:49:31I know that much.

00:49:32I guess she still is.

00:49:34She...

00:49:3520-plus years of marriage.

00:49:373,026 orgasms, by my estimation.

00:49:42All for a roll in the hay with Barry from Kiss 99.

00:49:45No kidding.

00:49:47She's probably squealing to Steely Dan even as we speak.

00:49:51Not an appealing image.

00:49:53You can say that again.

00:49:57That's why I have this bag of money, as you put it.

00:50:00I don't want them to get it.

00:50:02Isn't that illegal?

00:50:04Sure.

00:50:05But I don't plan on remaining in the United States,

00:50:07and I wish them luck trying to get it back.

00:50:10Wow.

00:50:12Well, at least that's a little fair.

00:50:16As for me, I left behind a perfectly good man, too.

00:50:20Just ran.

00:50:22It was completely unfair to him.

00:50:24He doesn't know why I ran, of course.

00:50:27Which is?

00:50:29Well, um...

00:50:31I was pregnant.

00:50:34I mean, not anymore.

00:50:36Oh, I see.

00:50:38It complicated everything.

00:50:40I just wasn't sure.

00:50:42And my mom, well, she...

00:50:48See this?

00:50:50David's wedding band.

00:50:51I'm still carrying it.

00:50:53Are you kidding me?

00:50:54Those busjackers could have...

00:50:55Those two?

00:50:56Come on.

00:50:57They didn't get yours, did they?

00:51:00They seemed a little inexperienced to me.

00:51:03They were cute, though,

00:51:04in a kind of end-of-civilization sort of way.

00:51:08Oh, I almost forgot.

00:51:10My engagement ring.

00:51:15There.

00:51:16What do you think?

00:51:17I think you're having second thoughts.

00:51:20Yeah, I think you are, too.

00:51:23Listen.

00:51:24Last time I made love to a woman other than my wife

00:51:27was during the sexual revolution.

00:51:30My side lost, in case he didn't hear.

00:51:34I think you're a bit out of my league.

00:51:373,026 orgasms?

00:51:40Don't underestimate yourself.

00:51:42And that voice is pretty sexy, too, you know?

00:51:44Ah.

00:51:46It's a curse to have this voice.

00:51:48You have no idea.

00:51:50People always asking you to emcee their oozma jaws

00:51:53because they think you have some cachet.

00:51:56I don't have any cachet.

00:51:58I'm not even crudité.

00:52:02Somewhere along the way,

00:52:04I completely lost track of who I am.

00:52:08At least you've got a little class.

00:52:11Look at me.

00:52:13Who the hell am I?

00:52:14I don't know.

00:52:16Wandering around East Jesus without a clue in the world.

00:52:23Maybe you should check in with your friend.

00:52:25Let's not lose sight of our destiny,

00:52:27intercepting these homicidal lovebirds.

00:52:29Don't be such a pussy.

00:52:31Yeah.

00:52:32We're not going to have any trouble.

00:52:34We're going to surprise them.

00:52:36The two of you will occupy the guy

00:52:38while I take care of my daughter.

00:52:40You hear that, Chip?

00:52:41Charles Manson is ours.

00:52:43No way, dude.

00:52:44I'm out of here as soon as I get back to Mount Venn.

00:52:46That other shit is your deal.

00:52:48I want no part of that bitch.

00:52:50Hey, watch your language when it concerns my daughter, young man.

00:52:54Maybe he's right.

00:52:55Let him go.

00:52:56Why should he want to help us?

00:52:57He's only here for the car, after all.

00:52:59You know how car thieves work.

00:53:00They'll probably leave it out in plain view

00:53:02where anyone can spot it.

00:53:03And of course, Chipper boy here has an extra set of keys.

00:53:06Oh, dick me.

00:53:08The keys.

00:53:09I didn't even think of that.

00:53:10Fucking A.

00:53:12You are warped, mister.

00:53:14Seriously.

00:53:16It's ringing.

00:53:18I'm telling you.

00:53:19His mom is like a...

00:53:21Oh, hello, Mrs. Bartman.

00:53:24How are you?

00:53:25This is...

00:53:27Bitch.

00:53:28She went to go get him.

00:53:31What?

00:53:32You tell me.

00:53:33What's going on?

00:53:35Chipper, it's like dinner time around here.

00:53:37What do you mean, dinner time?

00:53:38You're supposed to be tracking, you know?

00:53:40Hey, he's up.

00:53:41I don't know where they went.

00:53:42It was like a bus or something,

00:53:43so they got out to rail on some fuckers.

00:53:45Anyway, like I said, Chip, it's dinner time.

00:53:48Well, eat, dickweed.

00:53:49I feel like the wind.

00:53:50And call me back.

00:53:53Great.

00:53:54I got a dick.

00:54:07You folks looking for a room?

00:54:09Yes, and a telephone if you have one.

00:54:12See, we're with a bus.

00:54:13I mean, we were on a bus,

00:54:15and it broke down about three miles back.

00:54:17Funny.

00:54:18You'd think they would have called ahead.

00:54:20Yes, well, that's the odd part.

00:54:22You see, a couple of gun people happened along,

00:54:25and, well, we all got robbed.

00:54:27They took our cell phones.

00:54:29For heaven's sakes.

00:54:30Anybody hurt?

00:54:31No, thank God.

00:54:33There are several senior citizens back up the road.

00:54:36We volunteered to walk ahead.

00:54:38I see.

00:54:40Boys, quiet.

00:54:43Oh, now they got Simon started.

00:54:46He's always howling about something.

00:54:50Misses his mama.

00:54:54You know, with a voice like that, you ought to be in radio.

00:54:56I don't guess you are, are you?

00:54:58No.

00:54:59You know me?

00:55:00I got a face for radio.

00:55:01That's what I always say.

00:55:04Oh, oh, oh.

00:55:05Now, wait a minute.

00:55:06We have a bit of a problem here.

00:55:08I only got one room.

00:55:10Oh, well, we can be together.

00:55:12Uh-huh.

00:55:13Well, you folks related in some way?

00:55:17Because I can see you're a married man.

00:55:19Well, yes, I am.

00:55:20But you see, the circumstances are a little unique.

00:55:22Are they now?

00:55:23Yeah, well, so is the grace of the Lord, mister.

00:55:26And as you probably saw by the sign over there.

00:55:29Well, come on, honey, tell him.

00:55:31Tell him what?

00:55:32Well, you know.

00:55:36I'm still spinning about it.

00:55:38How can I tell him?

00:55:39We eloped.

00:55:40You see?

00:55:41I know how it looks, what with our age difference and all.

00:55:43But, well, it just sort of happened, you know?

00:55:45Didn't it, dear?

00:55:47Yes, quite suddenly.

00:55:49We're kind of on our honeymoon, such as it is.

00:55:52Off to a rocky start, I'm afraid.

00:55:55Well, God bless you all.

00:55:57And congratulations.

00:55:58I know the Lord works in mysterious ways.

00:56:01But I reckon it was just meant to be.

00:56:03That's all.

00:56:06Ought to have gotten married in a church, though.

00:56:08Makes you feel...

00:56:11I don't know.

00:56:14Full of spirit.

00:56:15Yes, well, don't we seem full of spirits to you?

00:56:18I guess you do at that.

00:56:20Come on.

00:56:27We have a no drinking policy as a rule.

00:56:31But maybe some champagne in moderation.

00:56:34Might be all right under the circumstances.

00:56:37Calm your nerves a little.

00:56:42I like a happy ending.

00:56:46Hi.

00:56:47Thanks.

00:56:50You know, young lady,

00:56:53you remind me an awful lot of my lovely wife, Nell.

00:56:57We had ten beautiful years together before the Lord took her away.

00:57:01Oh, I'm so sorry.

00:57:04How long ago did she pass on?

00:57:07Oh, she didn't die.

00:57:09She run off with a trucker to Ontario.

00:57:13Oh.

00:57:14It's all right.

00:57:15Got much to be thankful for.

00:57:17Sorry I didn't read you.

00:57:19You just never know.

00:57:20You could be somebody else's wife running off for all I know.

00:57:24All right.

00:57:25There you are.

00:57:27Not much to fill out, I'm afraid.

00:57:29We haven't settled on a place yet.

00:57:31As you can see, we have no car.

00:57:34Don't forget about the people on the bus.

00:57:37Right.

00:57:38You know, I got all caught up in your love story there.

00:57:41I'll phone the sheriff directly, Mr. Gillette.

00:57:46Yes, I got caught up as well.

00:57:48Say, do you mind if I?

00:57:51Would you mind if I paid you in cash?

00:57:54Cash?

00:57:55Yes.

00:57:56As I said, there was a robbery.

00:57:58Right.

00:58:00There you are.

00:58:02Keep the change.

00:58:03Oh, that's very generous of you.

00:58:05Don't mention it.

00:58:06Not a word.

00:58:08Here's your key.

00:58:09Lucky number 12.

00:58:13Ain't got a 13.

00:58:15Thanks very much.

00:58:17Oh, you'll let us know if the police need us or anything.

00:58:20Righto.

00:58:21I sure will.

00:58:23Normally, I'm not a fan of photography.

00:58:26This has worked out quite nicely.

00:58:29Don't you think?

00:58:31Okay.

00:58:42Do you want anything else?

00:58:44Look at this thing.

00:58:46It's $50.

00:58:47I'll take it.

00:58:50Look at this thing.

00:58:52It's $15.

00:58:53Got the arteries of a giraffe.

00:58:55I eat that and I grow saddlebags.

00:58:57Guys like a little saddlebag.

00:58:59Do they now?

00:59:01So what do we do about Jeff?

00:59:03We're kind of stuck here now.

00:59:05Call his dad.

00:59:06He deserves a good kick in the saddlebags if you ask me.

00:59:08Well, that's true, but he'll never give us the number.

00:59:11We're never going to find that car either.

00:59:13Or Nina.

00:59:14Not that she wants to be found in the first place.

00:59:17Why can't you admit she just backed out?

00:59:19Because I know her.

00:59:21Look, one minute you're a girlfriend.

00:59:24The next, a wife.

00:59:26And then a mother.

00:59:28And then you think, you'll never be young again.

00:59:31Look, I ought to know.

00:59:33Trust me, she'll remember what she's got and come to her senses, you'll see.

00:59:37You're a wonderful man.

00:59:39Am I?

00:59:40Yes.

00:59:42You're not going to believe this,

00:59:44but I swear my high school girlfriend actually asked for her virginity back.

00:59:48No.

00:59:49Yes.

00:59:50Told me not to tell anyone and forget that it ever happened.

00:59:53My big moment.

00:59:55So I tried to make light of it, you know.

00:59:58Told her it was like marijuana, you never get high the first time.

01:00:02Well, I certainly did.

01:00:04I thought I was addicted there for a time.

01:00:06I had a lot to learn.

01:00:09You know, I was so inexperienced when I married Jack

01:00:12that I gave him a windburn of his urethra.

01:00:15Oh.

01:00:16Low, right? That's what I thought.

01:00:18Ever have a case like that?

01:00:20Oh, no. No.

01:00:22I must have made the journals, though.

01:00:24We went with a lot less veracity after that.

01:00:26No doubt.

01:00:28It also explains his demeanor.

01:00:30Hmm.

01:00:31Hmm.

01:00:47Oh, here comes Chomsky.

01:00:49Dude, I saw them.

01:00:51Sure as shit.

01:00:52Saw who, Chip?

01:00:53Them. The chick and the dude.

01:00:55They ran across the highway to that motel.

01:00:57Come on.

01:01:02Stay tuned for a local event.

01:01:05Give me that.

01:01:06Give you what?

01:01:09Your one-stop shop for all your discount hot tub needs.

01:01:12Barlow's Spa and Waterbed Liquidators.

01:01:14Located conveniently on Route 253 West, Brookfield.

01:01:25God, I wish I had my clothes.

01:01:28Yeah, well, it's the mood of the moment.

01:01:31Jesus.

01:01:32Why don't we take a room next to the Fight Club?

01:01:35We'll listen to that.

01:01:37Could they make love any louder?

01:01:40I think I'm going to need a cigarette when they're done.

01:01:42Oh, well, maybe it's all in your mind.

01:01:44Yeah, that's it.

01:01:46There's a guy over there banging a girl like a six-year-old with a cap guy.

01:01:50It's all in my mind.

01:01:52I must have a very dirty mind.

01:01:54Well, hey, you're not all repressed or anything, are you?

01:01:57Repressed? No.

01:01:59Impressed? Yes.

01:02:01Sounds like he's rearranging her lymphatic system.

01:02:04Sounds like she's enjoying it.

01:02:06How can you tell?

01:02:08Oh, I can tell.

01:02:10Want some water?

01:02:11Yeah.

01:02:12Get me a garden hose and some ice.

01:02:14We'll have to get some.

01:02:17Come on.

01:02:18They must be porn stars.

01:02:20Or newlyweds.

01:02:21Or newlywed porn stars.

01:02:23Or maybe they're taking that by Alice, or whatever it's called.

01:02:27Erections lasting more than four hours may require medical attention.

01:02:31Yeah, and for whom?

01:02:36Hey, you know, you're kind of funny when you want to be.

01:02:40That's an attractive thing in a guy.

01:02:42Well, I'm sure Johnny Appleseed over there has quite the stand-up routine.

01:02:46Maybe they let in a professional basketball team when we weren't working.

01:02:50Maybe they've just been separated, you know.

01:02:52Like schnauzers.

01:02:53No, I'm serious. Pay attention to their voices.

01:02:56You can pick out voices from that?

01:02:59Yeah, I think...

01:03:02You don't suppose it's those two from the bus, do you?

01:03:05The natural-born killers?

01:03:07Yeah, it's a possibility.

01:03:09Listen...

01:03:10Don't you think they'd be long gone by now?

01:03:20I think she lived.

01:03:22Well, I'm going to go check.

01:03:25Okay.

01:03:38It says right here that we're married.

01:03:41We have IDs.

01:03:43What is your problem?

01:03:44Well, it's just strange, you know.

01:03:46The ring is a holy symbol.

01:03:48I mean, who carries around a marriage license to prove it?

01:03:52Wouldn't you find that suspicious?

01:03:54No.

01:03:57All right, then.

01:03:59What do you all plan to do with that young boy out there?

01:04:02Excuse me.

01:04:05Let me tell you the whole story.

01:04:06Whoa, whoa. Take your time.

01:04:09That room ain't going to open up until the sheriff arrives.

01:04:14Tammy, is that you?

01:04:16Chipper?

01:04:17What are you doing here?

01:04:19Oh, Tammy, you're never going to believe the shit I've gone through today.

01:04:22You're lucky you blew when you did, though.

01:04:24First, this bitch...

01:04:25Chipper?

01:04:26Where are you? Get in here.

01:04:28I gotta go. I guess I'll see you around.

01:04:30Yeah.

01:04:46For all your discount hot tub needs, Barlow's Spa & Water.

01:04:49Any luck?

01:04:51They're here.

01:04:52They are? So you were right?

01:04:54No, not them. My mom and David and, for some reason, the horny 15-year-old, too.

01:04:59I don't get it.

01:05:01God, I saw them. Oh, man.

01:05:03Where were they?

01:05:04In the office.

01:05:05Did they see you?

01:05:07Yeah, the kid did.

01:05:08God, how did he...

01:05:10God, what miserable, stinking luck.

01:05:12I mean, what is it with me, really?

01:05:14God, I can't believe this.

01:05:15I mean, what am I going to say?

01:05:17Just calm down. They haven't found you yet.

01:05:19I can't calm down. I mean, this is just freaky, you know?

01:05:22I mean, I think God totally has it in for me. Really, I do.

01:05:26You made it here, right? Without getting hurt, without any money, without any plan.

01:05:30Sure, they're looking for you, but maybe we can slip out unnoticed.

01:05:34Wait a second.

01:05:36Why didn't Chipper just rat me out right then and there?

01:05:39He knows you, right?

01:05:41No, of course not. He thinks my name is Tammy.

01:05:44Tammy?

01:05:46Yeah, I mean, who does he think they're looking for?

01:05:50Did you hear what he said?

01:05:51Yes, I heard too damn much what he said in there.

01:05:53It's John Calvin's sick dream. Now even straight people can't get married.

01:05:56Totally fucked.

01:05:57That's not important.

01:05:59They're here, and the sheriff is coming.

01:06:01We've got to find out what room they were in and lure them out.

01:06:03Swiftness is the key.

01:06:04This is so cool.

01:06:05Yes, cool, isn't it?

01:06:07As long as the dude doesn't go mental on us.

01:06:09Ah, right.

01:06:10Oh, maybe you could, like, tranquilize him or something.

01:06:12Oh, yes, I'm a doctor. I keep forgetting.

01:06:14I'll just neutralize him with my blow darts.

01:06:16Good thinking.

01:06:17Word.

01:06:21I feel like a million bucks.

01:06:24Just a few more miles over into Canada.

01:06:28Home free.

01:06:33We should get the rest of the stuff out of that bag.

01:06:36We should put on all the jewelry you can wear.

01:06:38No offense, but we can't.

01:06:43Wait.

01:06:49We'll never get across the border.

01:06:52Huh?

01:06:53The border.

01:06:54They got cops.

01:06:55We'll never get across.

01:06:57I mean, I know we got IDs, but none of them look like us.

01:07:00Everybody's twice our age.

01:07:01Except that chick.

01:07:02Except that chick.

01:07:05Any car we can get is hot.

01:07:07We're hot. The whole damn situation's hot.

01:07:09You're right.

01:07:10Let me think.

01:07:15How about we go to Vermont?

01:07:17Vermont?

01:07:18Yeah. It's practically another country.

01:07:20And we can get ski jobs or something.

01:07:22Ski jobs?

01:07:23Yeah.

01:07:24You said it yourself. I got no skills.

01:07:26Besides, somebody will recognize me and then I'll be right back in jail.

01:07:29I thought it was just an idea.

01:07:34There's got to be a way.

01:07:37There's got to be a way.

01:07:43So what were you going to do in Canada?

01:08:07Oh, God. We're too late.

01:08:09Corbett, I knew it.

01:08:11This is Grand Theft Auto.

01:08:13Armed criminal something or other.

01:08:16Oh, Nina will be my age by the time she gets out and then what?

01:08:19We'll still be married and I'll be father and grandfather to my own child.

01:08:23Whoa.

01:08:24Don't joke around.

01:08:26I'm not joking.

01:08:27Wait a minute.

01:08:29They're not holding anything material to the crime.

01:08:31And Snoop Dogg here's the only witness.

01:08:34And Snoop Dogg here's the only witness, right?

01:08:36Word up.

01:08:37So what do they have to hold them on?

01:08:39Not Dick.

01:08:40Not Dick, correct.

01:08:41If only we could get someone in there that they won't know.

01:08:44Then we could flush them out.

01:08:46Oh, I know someone. Tammy.

01:08:48Oh, great. Imaginary friend?

01:08:50Let me guess. You've been tripping on ecstasy this whole time.

01:08:52Nah, man. I saw her like five minutes ago.

01:08:54Tammy?

01:08:55Yeah. I picked her up earlier today and dropped her off.

01:08:57They won't know her from Dick.

01:08:59You picked up another girl today?

01:09:01Yeah. Didn't I mention that?

01:09:02No.

01:09:03Around noontime. On Park Hill.

01:09:05And she said her name was Tammy, did she?

01:09:08Yeah, definitely. We were gonna party.

01:09:10But she was really freaked out about some shit.

01:09:13So I took her to the bus station.

01:09:14A bus station?

01:09:15Freaked out, was she.

01:09:17A brunette about yay tall.

01:09:19Yeah, that's her.

01:09:20Tattoo on her shoulder.

01:09:21Yeah, just like the other bitch.

01:09:23Sweet Lord.

01:09:24I'll be damned.

01:09:25Two chicks with the same tattoo?

01:09:27Now that's mental.

01:09:29They had the wrong girl all along.

01:09:33Come on.

01:09:49Hands up!

01:09:50Okay.

01:09:51Fellow working the front desk thinks you might know something about a holdup.

01:09:55Oh, yes, of course. But can we discuss it inside?

01:09:58Get the hands up.

01:09:59Okay.

01:10:04You at the party?

01:10:05Paid for a room with cash?

01:10:06Got a big suitcase full of money?

01:10:08Oh, yeah, yeah. But I can explain that.

01:10:10The busjackers are next door.

01:10:12All we have here is Rollie's money.

01:10:14They've got the stuff from the bus.

01:10:15You sure about that?

01:10:17Because I will lock you up quicker than you can say chain gang women.

01:10:20We told the man we hiked her to call for help.

01:10:22They drove off in a...

01:10:24In a Corvette.

01:10:26Hey, that sounds like the...

01:10:28Sounds like the...

01:10:30Corvette.

01:10:31Hey, that sounds like the...

01:10:33Sounds like the perps from the state alert.

01:10:35It sure does.

01:10:37Okay, stay inside.

01:10:39And stay low.

01:10:41Stay put.

01:10:43Okay.

01:10:49Now you brought the sheriff down on us.

01:10:51Me?

01:10:52I wasn't the one orgasming in blood and murder.

01:10:54It's not my fault. Maybe if you'd tried a little more.

01:10:57Those stupid bus idators.

01:10:59We could have hopped a truck or something.

01:11:01Now we're on foot and...

01:11:03God, I feel like I've got a replacement head thanks to you, Mr. Tenderness.

01:11:06Look, shut up and come in.

01:11:11Police department, open up.

01:11:13I'm going to count to three, then we're coming in.

01:11:15Yeah, one...

01:11:17Two...

01:11:19Three.

01:11:24Who's this?

01:11:26Captain.

01:11:42It looks like he's going somewhere.

01:11:48What are we doing?

01:11:57What do you think?

01:11:59I think I heard him out back.

01:12:01Yeah, me too.

01:12:03Sounds like the police circled around after him.

01:12:06Yeah, let's go out the same way.

01:12:08Okay.

01:12:09You go next door and see if they've got my stuff.

01:12:11Are you sure?

01:12:12Yeah.

01:12:13All right.

01:12:15Sorry.

01:12:16It's all right.

01:12:18Who's that?

01:12:20Maybe it's Chipper's dad.

01:12:22He didn't surprise me.

01:12:24I'll go check on him.

01:12:41We shall walk through the valley of the shadow of death

01:12:51We shall walk through the valley in peace

01:13:00Let Jesus himself as our leader

01:13:08We shall walk through the valley in peace

01:13:15A little careless there, Wally.

01:13:17You forgot to take the keys.

01:13:19Shit!

01:13:31Hold it right there.

01:13:33Police.

01:13:36Ma'am, I thought I told you to stay inside.

01:13:38There are armed perpetrators out here.

01:13:40I don't see any.

01:13:42Yeah, well, that's just the point.

01:13:44They're hiding.

01:13:46Look, I gotta get out of here.

01:13:48It's all a sham.

01:13:49We're not really married.

01:13:51Then how'd you get a room?

01:13:52I've known Reese for years.

01:13:53He's not one to...

01:13:54Okay, we are married.

01:13:55But I'm practically a hostage.

01:13:57He's like twice my age, you know?

01:13:59Well, I did see that.

01:14:02You do realize that there could be a hail of gunfire out here any second, right?

01:14:06Anything?

01:14:08No.

01:14:09I'll explain.

01:14:10Explain back in the car.

01:14:11Come on, let's go.

01:14:12Okay.

01:14:13Ma'am, I want you to get yourself to the diner across the street

01:14:15and wait for a deputy there.

01:14:22I couldn't find the owner anywhere.

01:14:24Oh.

01:14:25Zina.

01:14:26Jackie, the keys.

01:14:27Total word.

01:14:28I'm bound to seek my weed.

01:14:30Who was the guy?

01:14:31Some dude.

01:14:36Rolly.

01:14:37What are you doing?

01:14:38Coming for you.

01:14:39We gotta get out of here.

01:14:41I know that.

01:14:42Hey, I got your bag.

01:14:43No money, though.

01:14:44Listen, I'll be right over.

01:14:45No, no, no.

01:14:46I can't.

01:14:47They're right next door.

01:14:48They're...

01:14:49That explains the kid.

01:14:51Chip?

01:14:52Yeah.

01:14:53He blew in, used the word fuck more times than I thought was possible,

01:14:56and then dashed off with some keys.

01:14:58Help me.

01:15:05I hope you brought my bag.

01:15:08I panicked and I totally forgot.

01:15:10Damn.

01:15:12I'll stay here.

01:15:13How am I supposed to...

01:15:15Never mind.

01:15:16I'll think of something.

01:15:20Well, don't you think that you at least owe David here an explanation?

01:15:25May I help you?

01:15:27Who are you?

01:15:28I'm Roland Gillette.

01:15:30Perhaps you've heard...

01:15:31Thank you, Mr. Gillette, but unless you're a locksmith,

01:15:33I'm trying to get my daughter out of this room right now.

01:15:35Oh, this room?

01:15:37Unless this is the Matrix, yes.

01:15:40But that's my room.

01:15:41Let's not play games here, buddy.

01:15:43Oh, no, not at all.

01:15:44I've got the key, right?

01:15:47Oh, wrong room.

01:15:50You're right.

01:15:52So sorry.

01:15:57Drunk?

01:16:00I believe you forgot something else.

01:16:02I know.

01:16:03I forgot to tell you they saw me.

01:16:05I'm sure they'll just think I have Alzheimer's,

01:16:07but I meant the key, of course.

01:16:09Damn, I also forgot the key.

01:16:11I mean, I think I dropped it.

01:16:13Splendid.

01:16:15Excuse me.

01:16:16I'm so sorry, Rooley.

01:16:19You're becoming a liability.

01:16:20I hope you know that.

01:16:21I know, but you still love me.

01:16:30Why don't you try, you know, say something nice?

01:16:34I'm wracking my brain.

01:16:35I can't think of anything.

01:16:37I can't think of anything.

01:16:39Maybe we should get a tire iron.

01:16:41No, she has to come out eventually.

01:16:43We'll just...

01:16:45Oh, wait, the crooks must have gotten out the back,

01:16:47so maybe Nina wouldn't...

01:16:49My God, you're right.

01:16:51You go to the front.

01:16:52I'll run around.

01:17:07Nina Davis, you better open up that door.

01:17:09I'm coming in there.

01:17:13Oh, come on.

01:17:14I'm not as young as I used to be.

01:17:17I'll be up there after you.

01:17:22Ah, we meet again.

01:17:24What?

01:17:25I must have the wrong window.

01:17:28I'm very sorry.

01:17:30Oh, no, you don't.

01:17:31This is room 12.

01:17:33She's gone, I'm afraid.

01:17:36I would have told you before,

01:17:37but you wouldn't have believed me.

01:17:39How did you get...

01:17:41It's much easier going out.

01:17:43Try bracing yourself with a TV stand

01:17:45and use the bed to break your fall.

01:17:47That's pretty much how I did it.

01:17:49Or I could help you.

01:17:51I choose B.

01:17:58Now, how do you know my daughter?

01:18:01Well, that's a rather long story.

01:18:03Shorten it. Where is she?

01:18:05I don't know.

01:18:06When you showed up, she ran.

01:18:08Oh, did she now?

01:18:10And where were you running, to the same place?

01:18:13Ah, that would seem rather suspicious, wouldn't it?

01:18:16Well, you see...

01:18:34Hey.

01:18:36You wanna come in?

01:18:39Yeah.

01:18:41Sure.

01:18:43Hiya.

01:18:48So you expect me to believe

01:18:50that you left your wife,

01:18:52coincidentally met my daughter,

01:18:54and ran off with her to this motel

01:18:56without any preconception whatsoever?

01:18:58As preposterous as it sounds,

01:19:00Yes.

01:19:02Then why did you sneak in from the back?

01:19:04Why not go to the office for another key?

01:19:06I could ask you the same question.

01:19:08Aha.

01:19:09Because I know that the owner isn't here.

01:19:11You didn't.

01:19:12I had to break in,

01:19:13so she must have let you in.

01:19:15Oh, I'm afraid when I got back,

01:19:17she was already gone.

01:19:19Why are you lying for her?

01:19:21Why are you chasing her?

01:19:23Because she loves David.

01:19:25And she's pregnant.

01:19:27If only she would face up to it.

01:19:29So, you ran to the bus station

01:19:31and randomly met this guy,

01:19:33took a bus trip with him,

01:19:34conveniently stopping at a motel

01:19:36halfway to his destination

01:19:37strictly for verbal intercourse.

01:19:39We were bus jacked.

01:19:40I mean, they were right here in this room.

01:19:41Thanks.

01:19:42I forgot that part.

01:19:43Because bus jackings are so common,

01:19:45I simply take them for granted.

01:19:47Kind of like wedding ceremonies.

01:19:50I am so sorry.

01:19:52I...

01:19:53David...

01:19:55I love you.

01:19:56I...

01:19:57I do.

01:19:58I just...

01:19:59I just...

01:20:00Something happened

01:20:01that I just can't totally explain exactly.

01:20:09Wait, wait, wait.

01:20:10You mean to tell me

01:20:12that you married your own son-in-law

01:20:15based on the belief

01:20:16that your daughter would change her mind

01:20:18and take your place

01:20:20when you finally caught up to her?

01:20:22Well, it's not quite that simple.

01:20:23She actually did marry him.

01:20:26Just wasn't there exactly.

01:20:28No, it doesn't get a whole lot clearer than that,

01:20:30I'm afraid.

01:20:31That was her whole plan.

01:20:32Aside from chasing criminals across two states

01:20:34with Eminem's kid brother in tow.

01:20:35And so you agree to this?

01:20:37Me? No.

01:20:38Ah, the priest was speed-reading the vows.

01:20:40Leanne's water broke.

01:20:42And the next thing I knew,

01:20:43I was married to my mother-in-law.

01:20:45So she married you

01:20:47so that I'd be married to you?

01:20:49Oh!

01:20:50So we became traveling companions,

01:20:52confiding in one another

01:20:54that just sort of fell in.

01:20:56Did you hear something?

01:20:57Oh, uh, my ears are ringing.

01:21:00I'm sure it's just from the headphones.

01:21:02Nina Davis.

01:21:07Well, well, well.

01:21:10I hope that you were explaining to this young man

01:21:13why you walked out on him.

01:21:14No, he's trying to explain your actions.

01:21:17Only they're not making any sense

01:21:18because he isn't mentally deranged.

01:21:20Listen, Miss Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

01:21:23Did he also tell you how I broke my shoulder,

01:21:25repelled across the eaves,

01:21:27and humiliated myself in front of half the guests

01:21:30at your wedding just for you?

01:21:32Ladies, I...

01:21:33No, he explained how you forged my signature,

01:21:35somehow stuffed your bossy ass into my dress,

01:21:38and married him by proxy

01:21:40just to have one last control-thrill fetish for yourself.

01:21:44Well, why don't you just sleep with him while you're at it,

01:21:46and then you can have his baby?

01:21:48Nina, I think...

01:21:49Oh, listen to you.

01:21:51Sexual responsibility!

01:21:54Ladies!

01:21:55Oh, and where did I come from?

01:21:57The Virgin Mary?

01:21:58Oh, no, that's right.

01:21:59You got knocked up in the back of the Tasty Freeze

01:22:01during the junior varsity game, didn't you?

01:22:03Oh, dear.

01:22:04I think maybe you two should talk alone.

01:22:06If I was the Jaws of Life, I'd get right in there.

01:22:09The fact that he left me for the babysitter was not my fault.

01:22:12Oh, and where were you when he was tipping her the hard way,

01:22:15dusting that shrine to my never-ending childhood,

01:22:17otherwise known as my room?

01:22:19Well, they'll run out of insults eventually.

01:22:22And then what, they'll ram each other?

01:22:24It's not my fault that you have no decorating skills!

01:22:28Oh, don't be a fool.

01:22:31You're throwing away your future.

01:22:33Oh, I already have.

01:22:35I'll try to intervene.

01:22:37Haven't you already?

01:22:39No!

01:22:40It's not what it looks like.

01:22:43Well, that's certainly the theme of the day.

01:22:45But I've always done exactly what you say,

01:22:47and it always ends up a disaster!

01:22:48Can we talk, Mrs. Davis?

01:22:50Look, Roland, whoever you are,

01:22:53you are the exact reason why I'm here,

01:22:55so that my daughter doesn't run off with some middle-aged

01:22:59whatever-it-is-that-you-do.

01:23:01I have a radio program back in the big town

01:23:03called Breakfast Epiphanies.

01:23:05Damn it, I knew that voice was familiar.

01:23:07It's true.

01:23:09Well, we all know that program.

01:23:16You just never think you're going to meet the voice.

01:23:21You know.

01:23:25This must be so awkward for you, Mr. Gillette,

01:23:28but as you can see,

01:23:30we have a family matter to settle.

01:23:33Why don't we leave it to them?

01:23:35It is between them, after all.

01:23:38Well, I got them together.

01:23:42It's up to the two of you now.

01:23:45I guess.

01:23:50Rolly.

01:23:51Yeah?

01:23:53I guess this is goodbye.

01:23:56If you're getting off at East Jesus,

01:23:59or you know how to find me,

01:24:00just follow my voice on the trail of hundred-dollar bills.

01:24:07You're not some kind of a freak, are you?

01:24:09Because you seem pretty nice on the surface.

01:24:13I really love your show.

01:24:15Oh, really?

01:24:16It's just so genteel, you know.

01:24:19I'm just such a sucker for all that.

01:24:21And you're really quite good.

01:24:23Really.

01:24:24Well, that's very flattering.

01:24:25Unfortunately, I'm going to be on hiatus for a brief eternity,

01:24:29but perhaps we should discuss it over coffee

01:24:32while they work things out.

01:24:34All right.

01:24:35Cher's a motherfucker.

01:24:36Found her right behind the diner.

01:24:37Good for you.

01:24:38Oh, and you got some dine-and-dash shit to do with?

01:24:41Oh, thanks.

01:24:44You want to tell me what this is all about?

01:24:47God, how do I do that?

01:24:49Well, we could consult the magic box of reasons.

01:24:52Hey, yo.

01:24:53Oh, sorry.

01:24:54Whoa, were you and Taney about to hook up?

01:24:56No, I don't think so.

01:24:58Oh, well, so we're on the real.

01:25:00She got some unresolved BS to deal with.

01:25:02So, uh, bye everywhere.

01:25:04Copy?

01:25:05I copy.

01:25:06Here's your cell back, dude.

01:25:08I got my wheels, so I'm going to do it.

01:25:10My aunt's going to have my ass for this shit.

01:25:13Guess I'll see you around.

01:25:14Peace out, Tammy.

01:25:15Yeah?

01:25:16You're never going to believe this shit.

01:25:19Well, that's the trouble with shit.

01:25:21Yeah, it has no belief system.

01:25:26Look, Nina, what is this?

01:25:31Why couldn't you just have given me a little more time

01:25:33to get used to the idea?

01:25:35The idea of what?

01:25:37Listen, I love you.

01:25:41I love you, too.

01:25:45Okay, so maybe things got a little accelerated there.

01:25:50And I admit, I misdiagnosed my own low level of spermatogenesis.

01:25:55But didn't we...

01:25:58Don't we have something here?

01:26:00I mean, we're going to have a baby, for Christ's sakes.

01:26:03Uh, no.

01:26:05No, we're not.

01:26:08What?

01:26:09Um, well, I, uh...

01:26:12I sort of took care of that.

01:26:14You sort of took care of that?

01:26:17Um, all right, I...

01:26:20I did take care of it.

01:26:26Well...

01:26:30Who did the procedure? Was it Morrissey?

01:26:32No, it was none of your friends.

01:26:34I walked through the line of fetus waivers just like everybody else.

01:26:38I really should call it unplanned parenthood, if you think about it.

01:26:42Yes, but they'd lose the condom trade.

01:26:46Look, I wish I could have been there.

01:26:48Oh, no. No, you don't.

01:26:50The reception area was a mess, and there wasn't a current magazine in sight.

01:26:53And the TV was tuned to Barney.

01:26:55You know what I mean.

01:26:57Yeah. I know.

01:27:01I'm sorry for that.

01:27:06I screw up everything.

01:27:09I'm not ready to be a mother, David.

01:27:12God, what the hell kind of mother would I be?

01:27:15Well, if your mom is any testament, you've made a compelling case.

01:27:19Why does everyone have such faith in me all the time?

01:27:22Don't I screw everything up? I mean, didn't I screw this up?

01:27:26What kind of wife would I be?

01:27:28Well, the second one is things currently stand.

01:27:31I'm serious.

01:27:33I don't know.

01:27:35I don't even care.

01:27:38Why do you even have to be one?

01:27:41I thought it was what you wanted.

01:27:43It sounded so romantic at first.

01:27:45It was romantic.

01:27:47When you weren't throwing up on something.

01:27:50Look, I didn't come here to make you marry me.

01:27:54Your mother did that.

01:27:56I came here for you.

01:27:59All I ever wanted was you.

01:28:03Me too.

01:28:08I have a proposition for you.

01:28:12You know how at the daycare center you can order dinner in reverse?

01:28:16Dessert, then the main course?

01:28:19Well, what if...

01:28:21What if we have the wedding in reverse?

01:28:25Take the honeymoon tickets and just go have fun again?

01:28:28And then if someday we decide this is what we want...

01:28:32We're fully rehearsed.

01:28:35Yeah.

01:28:37Well, you'll have to divorce my mother first.

01:28:42I'm sorry.

01:28:54Evening, sir. Can I see some identification?

01:29:01Rhys McElroy.

01:29:03Yes, sir.

01:29:04Address?

01:29:05Old Mill Road, Rural Route 19, Bethany.

01:29:09Where are you traveling tonight, sir?

01:29:11Rural Ontario.

01:29:12I see. Any goods to claim?

01:29:14No, sir. Personal business only.

01:29:16Very good.

01:29:18And what's the purpose of your visit to Canada?

01:29:20I'm going to get my wife back.

01:29:23Praise the Lord.

01:29:25Good luck to you.

01:29:26Amen.

01:29:27Sir, your passport!

01:29:42You are listening to the first edition of the Rollin' Holiday.

01:29:48With the sound of good news,

01:29:50you have arrived in Canada.

01:29:52And now, we welcome you.

01:30:12What?

01:30:14I thought he was going to spook you.

01:30:16Yeah.

01:30:17Well, maybe we can catch up to him later and explain everything to him.

01:30:21I kind of doubt that.

01:30:23Smile.

01:30:26Bienvenue.

01:30:28First day, new life.

01:30:30You're going to destroy everything, right?

01:30:32What do you mean destroy it?

01:30:34It's evidence.

01:30:36Oh, come on.

01:30:37Really.

01:30:38It's a cherished memory.

01:30:40It's a cherished memory.

01:30:41It's romantic.

01:30:42Romantic.

01:30:43Yeah, romantic like you wouldn't know.

01:30:45Romantic like I wouldn't know.

01:30:46That's what it says.

01:30:47I don't be romantic.

01:30:48Check this out.

01:30:56So, what do you think?

01:30:58Not bad.

01:31:00You keep that up on my cutout once in a while.

01:31:03Oh, that's how it's going to be, is it?

01:31:05Mm-hmm.

01:31:08Very Linda Hamilton.

01:31:10Whoever that is.

01:31:38Out of sight.

01:31:40In my mind.

01:31:42Dreaming over.

01:31:44I find my everyday.

01:31:47Well, every night.

01:31:49Out of focus.

01:31:51And I find.

01:31:53Burned matches.

01:31:55For something I just can't find.

01:32:01So in love with this.

01:32:05So I hate and resist.

01:32:09So I'm proud of this.

01:32:13Time for change.

01:32:15Burst our walls and you'll see.

01:32:18Why I'm here.

01:32:22Time away.

01:32:25It's time for change.

01:32:34It's time for change.

01:32:42Driving off.

01:32:44City guys.

01:32:46Living out.

01:32:48My life.

01:32:49Every day.

01:32:51Well, every night.

01:32:53Apologies.

01:32:55When I don't mind.

01:32:57I'm doing well.

01:32:59So in love with this.

01:33:03So I hate and resist.

01:33:07So I'm proud of this.

01:33:11Time for change.

01:33:13Burst our walls and you'll see.

01:33:17Why I'm here.

01:33:21Time away.

01:33:24It's time for change.

01:33:27Time away.

01:33:29It's time for change.

01:33:34Trying and striving to make it somehow.

01:33:38Pushing and shoving and getting nowhere.

01:33:41Trying and striving to make it somehow.

01:33:45Pushing and shoving and getting nowhere.

01:33:51Trying and striving to make it somehow.

01:33:56Pushing and shoving and getting nowhere.

01:33:59Trying and striving to make it somehow.

01:34:03Pushing and shoving and getting nowhere.

01:34:10Burst our walls and you'll see.

01:34:14Why I'm here.

01:34:18Time away.

01:34:21It's time for change.

01:34:27guitar solo

01:34:45I spent nights waiting for you

01:34:49Staring out the window by my bed

01:34:54These street lights so unkind

01:34:57To shine upon the emptiness instead

01:35:02I hang my head

01:35:07I'm down but I'm not

01:35:10Giving up on you just yet

01:35:14Love, look at me now

01:35:17What is this feeling people talk about

01:35:22Love, look at me now

01:35:25You don't know how long

01:35:28I've been holding out for you

01:35:31Love, look at me now

01:35:35Some people take you for granted

01:35:39Softly as you crept into their hearts

01:35:43Not me though, just don't leave me stranded

01:35:47Here with no one in my arms

01:35:51I'll do my part

01:35:56I'll stand out in the rain

01:35:59I'll cry out in the dark

01:36:05Love, look at me now

01:36:08What is this feeling people talk about

01:36:13Love, where have you been

01:36:16I wanna fall in

01:36:18I'm never coming out

01:36:21Love, look at me now

01:36:24Maybe you're just a shadow of a dot

01:36:29Look at me now, look at me now

01:36:32Love, look at me now, look at me now

01:36:39Spent nights waiting for you

01:36:42Staring out the window by my bed

Category

Transcript

Recommended