The Sooty Show E00- Millionaire
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00:00I could feel the wind blowing my fur about. How about you, Sooty?
00:05You'd have a new sooty-mobile?
00:07Well, if I really were a millionaire, I'd buy you one.
00:10But not a little one like you've got now.
00:12I'd buy you a huge one!
00:14What would you buy, Sweep?
00:17Yes, if you were a millionaire.
00:21You'd buy a new bone?
00:23Well, it doesn't surprise me that you'd have an awful lot of change.
00:26I wonder what Matthew would buy if he had a million pounds.
00:30Yes, go and ask him, Sooty.
00:32Oh, well, it's nice dreaming, isn't it, Sweep?
00:35Yes, but I'm afraid that's all it is, a dream.
00:38There's no chance that we will ever have a million pence,
00:41never mind a million pounds.
00:44Oh, yes, I know Matthew feels in the football pools,
00:46but the chances of winning are very, very slight.
00:49Oi, oi, just a minute. Hang on. What are you doing?
00:51What are you... Sooty, put me down!
00:53What is going on in the... What's all this?
00:55Expensive sports cars and things?
00:58What are you doing, Sue?
00:59Well, we were just talking about what we'd do if we had a million pounds.
01:02Well, each!
01:03Yes, why not? We're only dreaming, after all.
01:05I suppose so. And what would you buy if you had a million pounds, Sue?
01:08The nice red sports car? That one?
01:10Yes.
01:11And what about you, Sooty? What would you buy?
01:13A nice new Sooty-mobile?
01:14Yes, a huge one!
01:15Yes, of course. And what about you, Sweep? What would you buy?
01:18He'd buy a smelly old bone, Matthew. But what would you buy?
01:21What would I buy? Well, obviously I'd buy a nice new car.
01:24Oh, and there'd be ice creams all round.
01:26But listen, don't you think you're hoping for rather a lot, hoping for a million pounds each?
01:30Well, I'd settle for a hundred pounds, never mind a million.
01:33Would you?
01:34Well, in that case, I think I may be able to help you there. Hang on.
01:38Look at that!
01:39A hundred pounds for you, Sweep. And a hundred pounds for you, Sue.
01:42And a hundred pounds for you, Sooty. And two hundred for me.
01:45You're speechless, aren't you? All three of you.
01:48Absolutely! I've never seen so much money in all of my life.
01:51I must go and put it somewhere safe before someone gets hold of it.
01:53Non, non, non. Bring it back. I was only kidding. Put it down. Put it down.
01:56But you just gave it to us, Matthew.
01:57I know I just gave it to you, but I was only kidding, Sue.
01:59This is the money to pay for the new car. It's a pile of scrap.
02:03It's not a pile of scrap. It's not bad for five hundred pounds, even if it is second-hand.
02:07Anyway, that's where I was going to pay for the car when you called me in here.
02:10Where were you three going?
02:12To use the bathroom, Matthew.
02:14Exactly so. So go on. Off you go. Use the bathroom. Go on.
02:17That's it, and have a jolly good wash.
02:19Millionaires. Mind you, anybody can dream, can't they?
02:23Oh, look at that. I like the white car.
02:29No, no, no. Being rich wouldn't change me at all.
02:33I'd just be the same lovable me.
02:36On the other hand, I may employ a servant or two just to make life that little bit more tolerable.
02:41Oh, Sooty, can you wipe the soap out of my eye?
02:46Come on.
02:47Oh, Sweep, can you just run a little more water in my bath?
02:51Yes, you. Go on.
02:53Oh, Sooty, can you find my bath salts and put some in?
02:57That's enough, Sweep. Thank you.
02:59And can you make sure my towel's spread out over the heated rail, Sweep?
03:03Yes, you. Go on.
03:05Sooty, I've got soap in my eye again.
03:09What do you mean I wouldn't need any servants?
03:13I've already got two slaves.
03:15You? Don't be silly. You're not slaves.
03:20Now, if I were a queen, like, say, Cleopatra, then I would have slaves.
03:25Oh, Sooty, could you run some water in the sink for me?
03:30Oh, yes. I love a nice warm bath.
03:34Do you know that Queen Cleopatra made her slaves fill her bath with ass's milk
03:38because she believed it would make her more beautiful?
03:42Yes, Sweep, ass's milk.
03:44Do me a favour. Go and bring my bathrobe in, will you?
03:48Yes, you. Go on, quickly.
03:52Ah, yes, being as rich as Cleopatra must have been really nice.
03:55Bring me this. Fetch that. Do this. Do that.
03:59Tote that barge. Lift that bale. Peel me a grape, somebody.
04:04What's that, Sweep?
04:06You couldn't find any ass's milk?
04:09Well, past your eyes, do.
04:11No, Sweep. No, I've got... Oh, no, don't, Sweep. Oh, no. Oh, no.
04:22Ah, yes. Very, very nice. That would do nicely.
04:26With a personalised number plate. M-A-T-1-2-3. Extremely nice.
04:31Hello, Sooty. Am I still dreaming?
04:33Well, yes, I am dreaming, but it doesn't cost anything, does it?
04:36Look, we must get out, down to the gorge, with the money to pay for the new car.
04:39Has the newspaper arrived?
04:41Yes, it's here, actually.
04:43Why do you want the newspaper?
04:44I want to check the football pools.
04:46What? See if we've won a million pounds?
04:48Hang on a minute. What do you mean, we've won?
04:51If anybody's won anything, I've won it. Anyway, here are the football pools.
04:54In fact, I was going to check them myself, so you can help me.
04:56There's the form. I'll look in the paper.
04:58We've got to get eight scored draws, and then we've won the football pools.
05:02In fact, we've got four already. On that one, that one, and that one.
05:05So we're just checking the last four, Sooty, OK?
05:07Leeds vs. Fulham. I'll just find it. Leeds vs. Fulham.
05:11That's three all. Yes, that's a draw.
05:13Next one, Stoke vs. Barnsley.
05:16Er, Stoke vs... Two all.
05:19Next one, Brighton vs. Grimsby.
05:23Two all.
05:25Sooty, now, don't get excited.
05:28We only need one more scored draw, and we've won the football pools.
05:33Sweep, Sue, come on up here.
05:35Now, listen, don't get excited, but we just need one more draw,
05:39and we've won the football pools.
05:41Now, please don't get excited, because a lot of people may have won at the same time.
05:45We may not win very much money at all.
05:47So, just, you know, keep calm, OK?
05:49Well, look for goodness sake, Matthew.
05:51What? Look.
05:53Sue, I can't bear to look, actually.
05:54Well, you look. You check it out. Go on, you check it out.
05:56All right, then.
05:57That last one there. Coventry vs. Luton. Go on.
05:59Is this what you want Luton for, Coventry for?
06:03What does that mean?
06:05I can't believe it. What did you say, Sue? What did you say?
06:08I said Luton for Coventry for.
06:11Don't get excited. Don't get excited.
06:13But we've won the football pools.
06:16What?
06:17Can we get excited now?
06:18Get excited! We've won the football pools!
06:20We've won the football pools!
06:22Stop! Stop!
06:24How many times have you seen this?
06:26On the television, comedy shows, plays, situation comedies.
06:30What happens is, people win the pools,
06:32and then they've forgotten to post the coupon.
06:34That's what happens.
06:35No, I agree, Matthew.
06:36What?
06:37It does sound a familiar story.
06:38I'll bet that's happened.
06:39But you can rest assured the coupon went off
06:41because I posted it myself with a first class stamp.
06:43You did?
06:44Sue, let me give you a kiss.
06:46Congratulations.
06:48Ring the company up. That's a very good idea.
06:50Hang on.
06:51I'll just better confirm that they received the letter.
06:53Makes this look like chicken feed, doesn't it?
06:55The pools company.
06:56Don't get excited. Don't count your chickens yet.
07:00Hello? Hello, is that the pools company?
07:02Yes, it is.
07:04My name is Corbett, and I think we have the winning coupon.
07:07I've just got it there in front of you.
07:10In front of them.
07:11Could you tell me how much have we won?
07:14You are?
07:15He's just going to check it on the computer.
07:17But he's received the letter, and it's a winner!
07:22Hello?
07:23Sorry, you have to speak up. I can't hear you.
07:25How much?
07:27Four hundred and ninety-five thousand.
07:30Four hundred and ninety-five thousand. Thank you.
07:32Listen, listen, listen.
07:33We've won four hundred and ninety-five thousand pounds.
07:41Is that a million pounds?
07:43Well, not quite, Sue.
07:44No, but it's nearly half a million, isn't it, Matthew?
07:47It is very nearly half.
07:48I'll tell you one thing's for sure.
07:49We need never do another day's work the rest of our lives.
07:53Chicken feed! It's poultry!
07:55Poultry, chicken feed.
07:57You're absolutely right, sir.
07:59Before we go out, I want to make a phone call.
08:01I'm going to ring the garage.
08:03The one that sells these expensive cars.
08:06What's the number?
08:09Here we go.
08:19Thank you.
08:20Thank you very much, Mr Crawley.
08:22You've been most helpful.
08:23The what?
08:24The shoes?
08:25No, you cleaned them fine the first time.
08:27Thank you.
08:28You've been most helpful.
08:29Look, have a tip.
08:33Have a bit more.
08:35The what?
08:36Take the lot.
08:37There's plenty more where that came from.
08:38Thanks very much.
08:40I've got them.
08:41I've got them.
08:42Hey, you three.
08:44There you are.
08:45Listen, dreams really do come true sometimes.
08:48Sue, what do you think about the red car?
08:50It's wonderful, Matthew.
08:51It's yours, Sue?
08:52Go on, get inside it.
08:53Would you like to?
08:54Oh, yes, just try and stop me.
08:55Off you go then.
08:56Go on, Sue.
08:57Hey, Susie, what do you think about your new truck?
09:00I think he likes it.
09:02Would you like to get behind the wheel and see what it's like?
09:04Go on then, off you go.
09:05Sweet, what do you think about the new bones?
09:08Fantastic.
09:09All right, off you pop.
09:10Go on.
09:11Go on.
09:12Hey, the white one belongs to me.
09:15Let's go and have a look at Sue's first, shall we?
09:17We're coming, Sue.
09:20Well, this is the life, isn't it, Sue?
09:23It certainly is.
09:24Have you bought these cars, Matthew?
09:26Yep.
09:27And have you paid for them?
09:28Well, sort of yes, sort of no.
09:30I've left a deposit with that nice Mr Crawley in a couple of hundred pounds.
09:34I'm going to pay him the rest when the check arrives, the big one.
09:37You understand?
09:38Hey, Sue, would you like to go for a spin in your new car?
09:40Oh, yes, how exciting.
09:42OK, I can't wait.
09:43Let's get these stickers off.
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