Richard is terrified to wake up to Hyacinth smiling at him and even more terrified when he realises he's forgotten their wedding anniversary. He saves the day when he decides to have an alarm system installed, claiming it is Hyacinth's "surprise" anniversary present and Hyacinth verbally harasses the representative and his employees as she wants an alarm in 'dusky pink'.
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FunTranscript
00:30Good morning dear. I said good morning dear. Time to wake up on this our special day.
00:52I know what you're doing. You're pretending to have forgotten. But I know you better than that don't you, okay?
01:08You have something in mind. You're going to surprise me.
01:14Are you up? What time is it? Are you smiling at me? Of course I'm smiling at you. Why are you smiling at me?
01:35I shall go and make some tea. A very good morning to you. What have I done? I wonder what he's bought me.
01:56He's so thoughtful, bless his heart. A little bossy now and again, but so thoughtful. I wonder what the surprise is.
02:12Perhaps it's coming by post. We'll see what the postman brings. When I'm calling you.
02:28I just love it. Wake up. There's a man in our bedroom. I remember a time when I could say that with more confidence.
02:41What's wrong? There's a man in our bedroom. I think he's asleep. He's having a better time than I am.
02:50I'm not seeing things. Look, near the wall. It's your father. Why is he just sitting there?
03:07Probably some very reasonable explanation. Such as what? He's dead. He's not dead. He looks dead.
03:21He looks dead. Go and wake him up. Oh, that's one hell of an assignment at this time of the morning. Especially if he is dead.
03:34Was that the post? I don't think so. He would be late this morning. Oh, well, it all adds to the excitement.
03:48Oh, there you are, dear. Ready for breakfast? Well, just the usual. No, no, no. Not the usual. Something special.
03:58Now, what would you really like this morning for breakfast? You just sit there and think about it and tell me.
04:10Do I hear full English breakfast? Oh, it's been a long time since you cooked me a... One full English breakfast coming up.
04:18Oh, first I must just catch the postman. Enjoy your orange juice, dear. All that lovely vitamin C.
04:28She's in a really good mood. I don't like this at all.
04:46Back in a moment.
04:58Oh, there you are. Stone in my shoe.
05:10Ow, ow, ow. That's better. Don't you just hate it when you get a stone in your shoe?
05:24I'm waiting for my mail. Have you anything for me?
05:27Yes.
05:29I knew it.
05:31He's pretending he's forgotten and all the time I...
05:35Is this all?
05:36That's it.
05:38Well, there must be some mistake.
05:40I'm expecting a package from my husband.
05:42Sorry, no more for Bucket.
05:46Are you sure?
05:49This is most inconvenient.
05:52My husband's anniversary gift is lurking somewhere in your sorting houses.
05:58You can tell the Postmaster General.
06:00I don't see him that often.
06:02Did you hear more about this?
06:04You have a nap.
06:06You'll be quite safe down here.
06:08It was terrible.
06:12You'll be all right now.
06:14Onslow's here.
06:16Here you'll notice.
06:17Well, I should be in bed.
06:19Your father should be in bed.
06:21I went back up there. Never, ever.
06:24It was horrible.
06:25Now you just go to sleep.
06:31What's up with father?
06:33He says his bedroom's haunted.
06:36He's seen something.
06:38We have got a ghost.
06:39Let's hope it's Andy round the house.
06:43What kind of ghost is it?
06:45It's this figure of a woman.
06:48Wouldn't you know?
06:50Oh, we need round here another woman.
06:53You're not still on about Mr. Watsit, are you?
06:56Oh, well.
06:57Changing his mind like that.
06:59Going back to some redhead in Poland.
07:04Oh, well.
07:05Men.
07:06Who needs them?
07:08We girls do.
07:13You mustn't be so bitter, Rose.
07:16Men have just as much right to change their minds as us ladies.
07:21Well, I couldn't pronounce him anyway.
07:24What about me?
07:26What?
07:27Sorry, Daddy.
07:29I'm not going back up there.
07:31It was ghastly.
07:32It's all right.
07:35I'll get Hyacinth's vicar.
07:37Yes!
07:38Let's get the vicar.
07:40Yes!
07:41Oh, but not before I've got me make-up on.
07:43Out you go!
07:47No, I want the senior postal official.
07:51Hmm?
07:52Well, if he's the area manager, I suppose he'll have to do.
07:56Though I should have preferred something on a national scale.
08:00Who are you calling?
08:02A very negligent post office.
08:05They've let you down.
08:07Let me down?
08:09And a very good morning to you, too.
08:12Though it's not been a good morning for me.
08:15Look, you have some serious failures in your department.
08:20The surprise from my husband hasn't arrived.
08:27For our wedding anniversary, he never forgets our wedding anniversary.
08:40No, of course it was coming by post.
08:45You've let him down.
08:48I don't know what size package. It's a surprise.
08:51All I know is it hasn't arrived.
08:54Yes, I'll give you my name and address. It's bouquet.
08:57B-U-C-K-E-T.
09:00No, it is bouquet.
09:03And my address...
09:05Hyacinth, I can explain.
09:07Over breakfast.
09:09Oh!
09:11Now, I'm going to cook you a full English breakfast.
09:16Oh!
09:17I'll just put the kettle on.
09:18No, leave all that.
09:20It really is a big surprise, isn't it?
09:24Yes.
09:27I think that it will be.
09:31Do you know they've had another burglary at number 23?
09:34They've taken the video again.
09:36Don't thieves lack imagination?
09:40That's twice in three months.
09:43Hyacinth will be livid.
09:46She can't bear anyone getting more attention than her.
09:53What are you doing?
09:55I'm going to call Hyacinth and tell her.
09:58Oh, that's wicked.
10:00Just a caring act, Liz.
10:03I mean, what's her neighbours for?
10:06She'll hate it.
10:07I know she'll just hate it.
10:09Yes.
10:13Now, come along.
10:15Don't keep me in suspense any longer.
10:18Where's my surprise?
10:20Is it something I've always wanted?
10:23Not really.
10:26Oh, a complete surprise.
10:28Richard, how clever of you.
10:36To tell you the truth, Hyacinth...
10:39Oh, excuse me, dear, that's bound to be someone important.
10:45Hey, residents, the lady of the house speaking.
10:50Hyacinth, for once in all these years,
10:54I've forgotten our wedding anniversary.
10:58I'm terribly sorry and I'll make it up to you somehow.
11:04Hyacinth, for once in all these years...
11:07That was Emmett. Number 23's been burgled again.
11:11That's twice in three months. How pretentious.
11:16What were you saying, dear?
11:19The surprise for our wedding anniversary.
11:23Because of all these burglaries,
11:27I've decided to have security installed for you.
11:32Oh, Richard!
11:36What a wonderful idea.
11:40Oh, oh.
11:45Our own custom-made superior security installation
11:49for better class premises.
11:52Then people will understand that the reason we're not burgled
11:56is our security system,
11:58and not that we've nothing worth taking.
12:03Oh, there you were, pretending you'd forgotten.
12:12No, it has to be today. Someone has to call today.
12:16Yes, I realise you can't install it today,
12:19but can you send someone round to inspect the place?
12:22I realise it's short notice, but...
12:25Excuse me, sir, but are you married, by any chance?
12:30Well, have you ever forgotten your wedding anniversary?
12:34But then you'll understand my urgency.
12:39You are a gentleman, sir.
12:43Oh, and one more thing.
12:45Can your representative pretend that I ordered it a week ago?
12:49Good man. Thank you very much.
12:54Sigh.
12:58I want you to be the first to know, Elizabeth...
13:04I'm going to be alarmed.
13:08Oh, you needn't be alarmed, since I haven't touched it yet.
13:13No, dear.
13:15Richard is going to alarm me for our wedding anniversary.
13:21This is for you.
13:22Oh, thank you.
13:24Well, you have to admire his spirit after all these years.
13:29It's his surprise for me.
13:31To alarm you for your wedding anniversary?
13:34Yes. He's getting a firm of specialists in to do it.
13:42And I thought he'd forgotten.
13:45For one terrible moment, I thought he'd forgotten.
13:51Hello, boy.
14:00Oh, hello, Vicar.
14:02Good morning.
14:05Oh, a burglar alarm.
14:08Yes, of course, dear.
14:11Well, you had me wandering there for a moment.
14:14I think it's sweet of Richard to want to secure me a seat.
14:18It's sweet of Richard to want to secure me against intruders.
14:23Is it because of the burglary at number 23?
14:26Oh, no, dear. He ordered it some time ago.
14:29I believe that he feels as I do that someone has to set the tone for the neighbourhood.
14:35Will it be a very loud tone, Hyacinth?
14:38Oh, yes, dear, of course.
14:40But in the best possible taste.
14:43You know, people must have been wondering why I haven't been alarmed before.
14:48After all, there is extensive interest in my royal doulton with the hand-painted periwinkles.
14:55Yet I can assure you that the whole neighbourhood knows about it.
14:58There you are, you see. Biscuit?
15:01No, thank you.
15:04And then there's Sheridan's pearl button collection.
15:07No.
15:08I'm afraid you're nobody these days without a burglar alarm.
15:13Father's been seeing a figure.
15:17Female.
15:18Figure?
15:19It was terrifying.
15:22I'll never sleep in that room again.
15:25Of course you will, Father.
15:27Just as soon as the vicar's wrestled with it spiritually.
15:31I don't know that I'm terribly good with apparitions.
15:34I don't even like to be too close to the coffin at funerals.
15:38Oh, just give it a whack, vicar.
15:40Do your best.
15:41Oh, I'm sure he will.
15:42Otherwise we're stuck with him in our bedroom.
15:46But there's all that much happening in our bedroom.
15:50They can be such lonely places, bedrooms.
15:53It was there grinning at me.
15:56I woke up, opened my eyes, and there it was.
16:00I think that perhaps what I ought to do is seek specialist help.
16:05The church has people that specialise in this.
16:07Oh, you can do it, vicar.
16:09We've all got faith in you.
16:12Put him down, Rose. He's got work to do.
16:15We'll be right behind you, vicar.
16:17You can rely on that.
16:19Go on up, vicar.
16:25We've never been haunted before.
16:27Up to now, the only persistent unwelcome visitor has been the rent man.
16:32And you're I, synth.
16:35That's the one, vicar, there.
16:38I think I could probably do this from outside the door.
16:41Oh, no, you go in, vicar. Just make yourself at home.
16:44I could go in with him if he likes.
16:46It's something he has to do on his own.
16:48Oh, I don't mind Rose with me if she wishes.
16:50You can only get under your feet.
16:57Be gone. I command you.
17:05I will go in anyway.
17:07No need to make a fuss.
17:10It was he invited me last night.
17:14At over-sixty's.
17:16Last night. At over-sixty's.
17:36Bucket.
17:37Bucket.
17:45It's bouquet.
17:47What?
17:49Bouquet.
17:51Oh, right.
17:53Sorry.
17:54Try again.
17:56BELL RINGS
18:06Mrs Bouquet?
18:09I'm from XL Alarms.
18:11Do come in.
18:13After you've removed your shoes.
18:17Under no circumstances do I allow alien shoes on my herringbone woodblock or my grade one axe, minster.
18:25It's a house rule.
18:27Of course.
18:32She is.
18:34She's getting the poor devil to remove his shoes.
18:36Look.
18:39She's being fair.
18:41She's letting him sit on the doorstep.
18:44How thoughtful of her.
18:46She knows her manners.
18:48He could be hopping about on one leg.
18:51I think it's a triumph for Richard.
18:53You know why all this has happened, don't you?
18:55I mean, you know why they're getting the security system?
18:58Because Richard forgot their wedding anniversary.
19:01He only came up with the scheme at the last second.
19:04And she doesn't know he forgot?
19:06No. And he's got away with it.
19:08Well, good for Richard.
19:10Yes.
19:12Oh, I've never seen the poor chap look so relieved.
19:15I bet.
19:23I shall need extra security for my lounge.
19:26It houses my royal doulton with the hand-painted periwinkles.
19:31Every room will be secure, madam.
19:33Good.
19:35Pass.
19:41What colour choices do you offer for the box?
19:44The box?
19:45The thing that goes on the wall.
19:47The thing that people can see outside.
19:49Oh, you mean the alarm itself?
19:51Yes.
19:52It's blue.
19:54No, I don't want blue.
19:56What else do you have?
19:58I'm afraid that's what we use, madam.
20:01It's blue.
20:08Look.
20:10You'll have to alter that.
20:12What?
20:13I have my mind set on a dusky pink.
20:21There was a stately home we visited once,
20:24and theirs was dusky pink.
20:32Yes, everybody else was looking at the Rembrandts,
20:35but I remember thinking then,
20:37yes, that's very nice.
20:39If I ever have an alarm, I want it to be dusky pink.
20:43Pass.
20:49What kind of noise do you make?
20:52Noise do I make?
20:55No worse than your average human being.
21:00No, I mean the alarm.
21:02What kind of noise does the alarm make?
21:05It's a siren, madam.
21:07A siren.
21:09I hope it's like the QE2s.
21:13We've sailed on her, you know.
21:20Thank you very much indeed,
21:22and I look forward to hearing from you.
21:24Yes.
21:25Don't forget your shoes.
21:27No.
21:32Bye.
21:33Bye.
21:34Afternoon.
21:44SIREN BLARES
21:52Was that a noise?
21:54Well, the only noise I can hear is you saying,
21:57was that a noise?
21:59We do have to be careful, Richard.
22:01Why?
22:03It's our last night without an alarm.
22:07You want me to go and have a look round?
22:09Yes, dear.
22:11With particular reference to my Capo di Monte
22:14and my Royal Dewton with the hand-painted periwinkles.
22:18I'll hate it if we're burgled tonight,
22:20our last alarmless night.
22:22Especially by the lower-class type of burglar
22:25who goes to number 23.
22:28Anyone who goes to number 23 twice
22:31has to be lacking in taste.
22:34I cannot bear the thought
22:36that Sheridan's pearl button collection
22:38might go to people of that calibre.
22:42It's fine, there's no-one about.
22:46Good.
22:54Was that a noise?
22:55Yes, it was me stubbing my toe in the dark.
22:59Oh.
23:00Oh, well, that's all right, then.
23:12Oh.
23:19Dusky Pink.
23:21The QE2 siren.
23:25You don't happen to have the telephone number
23:27of the stately home that also has the Dusky Pink alarm, do you?
23:31I thought I might just give them a call
23:33since we've both chosen to be alarmed in the same way.
23:37No, I'm afraid we haven't, madam.
23:39Never mind, I'll try directory inquiries.
23:42Well, thank you for your work
23:45and for not damaging my walls.
23:49Too badly.
24:01Oh, Richard.
24:03Our own alarm system.
24:06A wonderful anniversary present.
24:10Which four-number code have you chosen
24:13to stop and start the system?
24:16A romantic one.
24:18A romantic number?
24:20A romantic number that we shall never forget.
24:26As you were kind enough to buy it for our anniversary,
24:29I thought I'd choose a number we'll always remember.
24:33The date of our wedding.
24:36The day, the month and the last two digits of the year.
24:41Now, isn't that romantic?
24:43Well, it's certainly memorable.
24:48Do you think we should hold an alarm-warming party?
24:53Is that usual?
24:55Oh, I don't think so.
24:57Oh, I thought I'd invite those people from the stately home.
25:02Hmm?
25:04Oh, well, perhaps another time.
25:10I know what I could do.
25:14I could telephone number 23
25:17and tell them that if they're being burgled again,
25:20they can phone us and we'll sound our alarm.
25:24Ready? Yeah.
25:26Off you go, you two. Enjoy your evening.
25:29Are you sure you don't mind me popping out for a drink?
25:32Good heavens, no.
25:34Why should I?
25:36I'm perfectly safe here now I'm alarmed.
25:39Well, if you don't mind me popping out for a drink,
25:42why should I?
25:44I'm perfectly safe here now I'm alarmed.
25:47Well, if you don't mind me popping out for a drink,
25:50I'm perfectly safe here now I'm alarmed.
25:54Now, off you go.
25:56I've plenty to do drawing up my guest list
25:59for my security and alarm-warming candlelight supper.
26:12Bye!
26:14Ah!
26:21You will tread carefully as you pass my house, won't you?
26:24I've recently installed a very sensitive and expensive alarm system.
26:29I'd hate you to be startled if it should go off.
26:33Pass.
26:42Yes, that's the way.
26:44Please tell your friends.
26:47And you got away with it.
26:49She still doesn't know you forgot the wedding anniversary.
26:52Shh!
26:54It's a triumph against all odds.
26:57I never thought I'd make it.
26:59Well done, Richard.
27:02I think this deserves another round.
27:08Thanks very much, Amy.
27:10Thanks very much, Amy.
27:21What's that?
27:23What's that?
27:31A nine, two...
27:35Oh, my God, what was the year?
27:38What year did we get married?
27:40I've only got seconds to think.
27:42Oh, she'll kill me!
27:44She will kill me!
27:46It was 62.
27:48It was 62.
27:52Oh, my God.
27:54That was close.
27:56Oh, that was close.
28:02It's more than 62!
28:08Richard, you came!
28:10You've forgotten the date of our wedding!
28:37Thank you.
29:07You