The Genie from Down Under (1998) (S2, Ep 5)
Episode 5 of Series 2 from 1998 (titled Peace in Our Time). In this episode, Penelope wishes that everyone would be honest after a lie about Bruce upsets Diana When Diana discovers Penelope's deceit, she hands the opal over to Bubbles, who wishes to become a guru preaching for people to abandon worldly possessions. This has a alarming side effect (in one of it's most memorable episodes) when everyone appears naked!
Starring Alexandra Milman, Anna Galvin, Sandy Winton, Glenn Meldrum, Ian McFadyen, Mark Mitchell, Fletcher Humphrys and Monica Maughan. As mentioned, this episode features one scene where most of the cast are naked, and although there are pixilations (and in one scene with Alexandra Milman - who was 18 when she filmed this - she is clearly wearing a towel), there are other scenes when she is under the table when she is clearly not!
Starring Alexandra Milman, Anna Galvin, Sandy Winton, Glenn Meldrum, Ian McFadyen, Mark Mitchell, Fletcher Humphrys and Monica Maughan. As mentioned, this episode features one scene where most of the cast are naked, and although there are pixilations (and in one scene with Alexandra Milman - who was 18 when she filmed this - she is clearly wearing a towel), there are other scenes when she is under the table when she is clearly not!
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TVTranscript
00:00Poor Mummy's so depressed. She was in love with my genie, but he broke her heart.
00:15Come on, Pen, that's not true. You told a big porky.
00:18Shh! Bruce is a cheat and a heartbreaker.
00:21That's why I've made a permanent wish that he has to stay invisible whenever he's around her.
00:25My lady, my lady, I think you've pruned it now. Come inside and have a nice cup of tea.
00:32Can you see any dead bits?
00:34No dead bits, no live bits, no tree. Come inside, my lady.
00:39It's for her own good. I have to protect her from that devious lying scoundrel.
00:44Fair go, Pen. Dad doesn't lie.
00:46Thank you, Baz.
00:48You're the one who lied.
00:50I don't lie.
00:51Lie?
00:52Look, I may have told Mummy that Bruce kissed all her friends behind her back,
00:56but that was necessary.
00:57Lie?
00:58No, it wasn't. It was a colourful invention that served a valued purpose.
01:02Lie?
01:03Face it, Pen, you have no comprehension of honesty or trustworthiness.
01:07I beg your pardon?
01:09Truth.
01:09Oh, it's not your fault or anything. You're just weak-willed and lacking in moral finer.
01:16No offence, just an observation. Ask anyone, they'll tell you the same thing.
01:20Well, I mean, they would if they didn't fib to spare your feelings.
01:24I am not a liar and I'm not afraid of the truth.
01:26Quiet!
01:27You see, Baz, touchy, defensive.
01:30No wonder they treat her with kid gloves around here.
01:33Oh, just an observation.
01:35All right, smarty, observe this.
01:37I wish everybody was honest.
01:38From now on, I wish everybody would tell the truth the whole time.
01:41So there.
01:42You sure?
01:43I've never been surer of anything in my life.
01:48Good one, Dad.
01:49Sometimes it's just too easy, mate.
02:02What was that?
02:05I honestly don't know.
02:12Morsi, do you feel any different?
02:15No.
02:16Every day is the same monotonous drudgery.
02:19Cleaning up after lazy girls.
02:21What?
02:22Same low wages, putting on the same brave face to cope with the likes of yourself.
02:28Oh.
02:29I see.
02:32I'd better answer that.
02:34Seeing as how I'm the only person who actually does anything around here.
02:44Hello, Moffat.
02:45Oh, you're looking dumpy today.
02:48Oh.
02:49Hello, my lord.
02:50What a tedious surprise.
02:53I'm taken aback by your rudeness, Moffat.
02:55But I'm such a spineless chap, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
02:59Is this Diana about?
03:01Come this way.
03:02Better you bore her to death than me.
03:05If I may.
03:12That silly Bubbles to see you, my lady.
03:15Good morning, Bubbles.
03:16You're looking as gormless as ever.
03:19Yes, that's quite likely.
03:20I was in the area with my support group exploring the inner chap.
03:24My inner chap thought I should pop in and sponge off your fatalities.
03:27So, here I am.
03:29Mortimer, please stay and have tea with us.
03:31So I don't have to be alone with Bubbles and listen to him rabbiting on.
03:34I'd rather not, my lady.
03:36Together, the two of you might bore me to death.
03:41I must admit that hurts my feelings, but it's true.
03:44Luckily, the chaps are all for honesty and self-discovery.
03:47I've learned that if you fool yourself, then the chap you've found isn't the chap you are.
03:51In fact, the chap you think you are isn't even the chap you should be looking for.
03:54You're even sillier than ever.
03:57I suppose that's true.
03:59Oh, yes.
04:00Morphine's right.
04:01That's what people have been trying to tell me all my life.
04:04I'm completely and utterly stupid.
04:06Why, of course.
04:08Self-centered as I am, I can't stand seeing mummy so depressed.
04:13I have to do something to cheer her up.
04:14Like letting her see me so I can explain that I didn't kiss her friends.
04:18No.
04:19I mean making the ultimate sacrifice.
04:21Taking her to the place that makes me miserable, but does seem to make her vaguely happy.
04:25You mean Townsdale?
04:27Yes.
04:27I wish we were all in Australia.
04:30Beauty!
04:44You know, to be honest, Uncle Rod, I don't think a trip to the bush is going to reform
04:54these guys.
04:54I mean, all they want to do is rob, trash, and steal everything.
04:58Which I kind of respect, but still, you know.
05:01I reckon you're right, Conrad.
05:04And frankly, I'm too much of a coward to cope with this.
05:07Well, boys, I suppose you're all wondering what we're doing out here then.
05:12Not really.
05:13The government hasn't got a clue what to do with us, so they're paying you to take us
05:17off their hands for a couple of days.
05:20And you're desperate for the money.
05:23Yep, it's just about the size of it.
05:32Howdy, dirty.
05:34I suppose you're here to try and steal my opal, as usual.
05:37Yes, spot on.
05:38Yes, spot on.
05:40And you'll use any slimy, underhanded way to get it?
05:45Absolutely, whatever it takes.
05:48You really are a transparently low, dirty, greedy individual, aren't you?
05:57Yeah.
05:59Look, I'll just go and park around the back, as usual, even though I'm not invited and
06:02I'm not welcome.
06:03See ya.
06:09Did you see Colmud looking at me?
06:11No.
06:12I'm going to go and find out what he really thinks of me.
06:20OK, boys, time to get out and enjoy the great outdoors.
06:23What do you think?
06:24Nah.
06:26Don't feel like it.
06:34Are you going to take charge here, or are you the jellyfish I always thought you were?
06:37Even though I usually don't respect your judgment, in this case, you are spot on.
06:41I thought so.
06:50Hello, Conrad.
06:52Oh, I pretended to drop by for a casual chat, but I'm really here to put my deep emotions
06:57on the line.
07:00How are you?
07:01I was a bit scared of those guys on the bus, actually.
07:04Oh, Conrad, tell me, what do you really think of me?
07:12Well, you're a stuck-up, boring English snob, you know?
07:14You don't surf, you don't wear bikinis, and you get that far up yourself.
07:18It's not funny.
07:20Thank you, Conrad.
07:22No worries.
07:23That gives me a fair idea.
07:26Not wanting to reverse the truth wish, are you?
07:29No, and I've had enough of making mummy happy.
07:32I wish I was back in England with my real friends.
07:34But Diana just got here.
07:37You heard me.
07:47It's so nice to be with my real friends again.
07:52I hope you don't mean us, because I hate you.
07:55Why?
07:57No reason.
07:57I hate everybody, and I hate you because I never have an opinion of my own.
08:02I hate you.
08:06Well, the truth is, the thorny rose.
08:08Stop trying to trick me out of this wish, Bruce.
08:09I don't care how painful it is, I'm going to see it through.
08:12So you're up for a few more home truths?
08:14You want home truths?
08:15All right, Bruce, you're a smart aleck.
08:19Can't take it, eh?
08:21If well, Baz, your father's a smug Australian who's too big for his own boots.
08:25Penelope!
08:27How dare you insult the only man I'll ever love, even though I know that love is hopeless.
08:32See, Pen?
08:33She does like Dad.
08:35Of course.
08:36It's obvious even to a twit like me that Bruce is her one true love.
08:39No wonder I'm so jealous.
08:41There is Bruce.
08:42I haven't seen him since the day he broke my heart with his roaming lips.
08:45Oh, to be honest, that kissing story was something I...
08:49I know your game.
08:50You're trying to trick me into telling Mummy the truth about...
08:54Well, it won't work.
08:55I've got the opal.
08:56I'm prepared to use it, even though I don't deserve it.
08:58I agree with you, Penelope.
09:00You don't deserve such lovely jewelry.
09:02I'll take that.
09:03Mummy, what if you lose it?
09:04All right, then.
09:05I'll give it to Bubbles.
09:06He's so obsessive.
09:08He'll never lose it.
09:09Thank you for the date of confidence, Diana.
09:11You've rubbed the opal in your hand.
09:13Your every wish...
09:16You've rubbed the opal in your hand.
09:17Your every wish is accurate.
09:18Don't fight, please.
09:20I wish you'd all just calm down and be rational and civilized and British.
09:26It's all right, Bubbles.
09:28I'm very rude and insolent.
09:29I'm sorry, Mummy.
09:30That's all right, darling.
09:32It worked.
09:33You're calm.
09:34I looked into myself and I found the peace in the heart of the inner chap.
09:38And you felt it, too.
09:40My inner chap must be a leader.
09:42I must tell the world.
09:43Oh, no, Bubbles.
09:44I wish that every chap might know the simple truths I've learned through my support group.
09:50Father Bubbles, your holiness.
09:52Our ears are hungry for your words of wisdom.
09:55Oh, spiffing.
09:58Come, chaps.
09:58Let us begin our journey of enlightenment.
10:04And remember the tweeds.
10:06Tweeds are important.
10:12They are very valuable.
10:14They don't just grow on tweeds, you know.
10:17And the birds are important.
10:22And consider our humble brothers in the animal kingdom.
10:26How am I going to get my opal back with all these people around him?
10:31Marcia, why are you joining him?
10:34Bubbles is a total fool.
10:36I know, but he's just so in at the moment.
10:39He's just the best bubba.
10:41He's no bubba.
10:42He's totally gaga.
10:44He's got my opal.
10:46The tapeworm, the hookworm, the wingworm.
10:49They are our brothers.
10:50All right.
10:53You're all out of the bus then?
10:56Congratulations.
11:00I don't exactly know what you're going to get out of the bush.
11:02And I don't really care.
11:04I'm only in it for the money.
11:06I reckon this place is a bit of a hole.
11:10I can relate to that.
11:12There's nothing I can do about it.
11:14I've got to get out of here.
11:15I've got to get out of here.
11:16I've got to get out of here.
11:17I've got to get out of here.
11:18I've got to get out of here.
11:19I've got to get out of here.
11:20There's nothing to trash.
11:21No one to rob or beat up.
11:23Well, there's always us.
11:28Oh, come on, boys.
11:29Come on, let's go.
11:33Now, all together.
11:44Bubbles.
11:45Bubbles, can I?
11:46Shh, Penelope.
11:47No, no.
11:47Let the child approach unto me.
11:50Your disciples have taken all my clothes, jewelry, magazines.
11:53Yes, my child, thank you.
11:55We needed the money.
11:57Oh, if you see your mother, tell her that I love her.
12:00It's my deepest wish that she should love me back.
12:08Bubbles.
12:09My goodness, Diana.
12:12Bubbles, even though you're a self-absorbed prat,
12:15I love you in a sisterly way.
12:17So I pledge everything I own to the cause.
12:20We must spread the word of Bubba Bubbles.
12:30You know, I could get you the opal back.
12:33If you let me be visible in front of it.
12:35I'll get it back myself.
12:37I've got a plan.
12:42No, it's all right.
12:43It's all right.
12:44All great leaders face dissidence.
12:48Good plan, Pen.
12:50Look at her.
12:51So much violence.
12:53I wish there was none of it in the world.
12:55What if there's no violence?
12:57I mean, I wish there was world peace.
13:11Whoa.
13:15Gee, uh, sorry about that.
13:17Don't know what got into us.
13:21Here's your wallet and your keys.
13:26And your CB radio.
13:29Good evening.
13:31And tonight, there's hardly any news.
13:34No war and no crime.
13:36Everything's just fine.
13:39Well, this is great.
13:41So let's go straight to the cute animal story, shall we?
13:45This is a disaster.
13:46How am I going to get the opal back without lies and aggression?
13:49Oh, same, isn't it?
13:50I mean, lies and aggression are just so...
13:53You.
13:58We'll take this for Baba Bubbles.
14:00Oh, Mosse, not the television.
14:03And the chair, too.
14:06Mosse, I'm hungry.
14:07Can I have a sandwich, please?
14:08Of course you can.
14:10Just help yourself.
14:12Baba Bubbles says there are no masters and no servants.
14:16We're all equal now.
14:18That's what I like about Baba Bubbles.
14:22What about lunch?
14:24Baba Bubbles says explore your inner hunger.
14:38You know, it's really quiet here when you're not smashing things.
14:42Yeah, it's really peaceful.
14:47This is the most beautiful moment of my life.
14:51I think I'm going to cry.
14:54I think I'm going to be sick.
14:57I love you, Blows.
15:01And we love you, too.
15:16I am going to be sick.
15:25World peace, he says.
15:26Wonderful.
15:27What's the good of world peace when all I've got left in the world is a chair?
15:32Baba Bubbles needs the chair.
15:36What will I sit on?
15:38Baba thinks we should be at one with the floor.
15:46I want to be furious.
15:53I want to be very, very angry.
15:56I want to lose my temper.
15:57Oh, I can't disturb the peace.
15:59But, well, if you let me be visible in front of your mother...
16:02Read my lips.
16:03N-O, no way.
16:05I don't want your help or your ideas.
16:06Is that clear?
16:08I wonder when they'll be back for your clothes.
16:11Oh, don't be ridiculous.
16:13Bubbles wants everyone to go around the nutty.
16:16The nutty?
16:17You mean naked, no clothes.
16:19Yeah, Baba wants you to be at one with the air.
16:26You know that idea you were talking about, I was...
16:30What are you looking at?
16:31Oh, just reading your lips.
16:36Do it.
16:38Chaps, female chaps, anything is possible if you wish power.
16:45I wish the sun would come out for the petunias.
16:48Oh, yes, good idea.
16:51Flowers are important.
16:53All right, let's all wish for sunshine.
16:56I wish for sunshine.
16:59For the petunias.
17:00I wish for sunshine.
17:04For the petunias.
17:11You see?
17:13Positive thoughts bring positive actions.
17:16Are there any other wishes?
17:17We should wish.
17:20You sure?
17:21You can't get the apple back with all these people around.
17:24Baba Bubbles.
17:26Oh, yeah.
17:27I wish the whole world could share in this.
17:29Oh, that's extremely generous, Penelope.
17:31You should be such a selfish little person.
17:35Well, I've changed thanks to you, Bubbles.
17:38Sorry, Baba.
17:39And I'm sure there are others who could, too, in, say, Australia.
17:45Oh, yes.
17:46Oh, I can think of quite a few right now.
17:48All right, chaps and chapesses, let's all concentrate really hard.
17:53I wish we were all with our friends in Australia right now.
18:00Oh, you see the power of positive thinking, chaps.
18:05Chaps?
18:07Oh, welcome, you chaps.
18:10Peace be with you.
18:12Yeah, yeah, thanks.
18:16Are you coveting my opal?
18:19Ah, yeah, in a peaceful sort of way.
18:23I know it's wrong, but I really want it.
18:26I want it, too, Baba Bubbles.
18:28So do I.
18:29Oh, chaps, don't you see?
18:30It's this preoccupation with material things that destroys people.
18:35What can we do about it, Baba?
18:37We have to give up all material possessions.
18:39That's the only way we can be honestly wealthy.
18:43I don't want any possessions.
18:45I only want to see Bruce again.
18:48What's the answer, Baba Bubbles?
18:51Diana's right.
18:52Imagine we have no possessions.
18:55I wonder if you can.
18:57No, I can't.
18:58But I've got no imagination.
18:59And he stinks, too.
19:01Huh?
19:02Come on, chap.
19:03Let's get rid of all our possessions right now.
19:05Is that a wish, Mr Baba?
19:07That's my most fervent wish.
19:11...starting developments today as people everywhere shared all their worldly possessions,
19:15including clothes.
19:17Eskimos, Finns and Laplanders are staying indoors.
19:21And the first new assault on Mount Everest entered abruptly today when
19:25several climbers found themselves frozen together.
19:27And now the weather.
19:29Melbourne, fine, 21.
19:33Adelaide, showers, 19.
19:37And...
19:39Perth, sunny, 28.
19:43Oh, dear.
19:45Oh, dear.
19:48Oh, dear.
19:51Good plan, Bruce.
19:53Baba Bubbles, I must protest in a most non-violent way.
19:58Honestly, Bubbles, we don't want to be in the nude.
20:00I must admit, lack of clothing does make a chap feel somewhat naked.
20:05I just wish nude wasn't so rude.
20:10Oh.
20:17This is wonderful.
20:19No clothing, no possessions, no deodorant.
20:23You know, Penna, you would look great in a bikini.
20:28Oh, thank you, Conrad.
20:31Pen.
20:32Pen.
20:33Pen.
20:35The opal.
20:37Do it.
20:40It's got to be here somewhere.
20:41She's after the opal!
20:43The opal!
20:44You know, I must say, with very little attention, don't you all feel better with no clothes?
20:50No!
20:53Where is it?
21:07Good.
21:08Thanks, Pen.
21:10That was very touching, what you said before, about wanting to see me.
21:15Why are you wearing your clothes?
21:17And where have you been?
21:18Why have you been avoiding me?
21:20I...
21:21I honestly wish everything was back to normal.
21:31Thanks for everything.
21:31We had a ball.
21:33And I reckon we got a lot out of it.
21:35In fact, you're a miracle worker.
21:37No, no, no, no.
21:39I'm just a normal bloke trying to give a bit back to society.
21:45See you, boys.
21:47See you, mate.
21:48See you.
21:49See you.
21:51We are under a real winner here, darling.
21:53Two or three bookings like this a month and we'll be rolling the cash.
21:56I told you it was a good idea.
21:59You might have mumbled something, but I'm the one who turned it into an idea.
22:03I'm the one who made it work.
22:06See you, boys.
22:08Help!
22:09Hey!
22:11Help!
22:12Hey!
22:13This is all your fault, darling.
22:15Next time you have an idea, keep it to yourself.
22:17Look at me bus!
22:18This is going to take you days to claim.
22:21I'm very excited about my new support group.
22:24It's called Ignoring the Inner Chap.
22:26It's the chaps who are thick of navel-gating and just want some excitement.
22:30We're starting off with a Scrabble tournament.
22:34Lately, I've learned that the truth is a wonderful thing in small doses.
22:39That sounds wonderful, Bubbles.
22:40You're quite a man.
22:42You've so evolved, Bubbles, and such entertainment.
22:47Sometimes I think to myself,
22:49what would we do without your lordship?
22:55When it comes to making a choice between telling a little fib to make someone happy
22:58or revealing the naked truth,
23:00well, occasionally it's best to keep some things hidden.
23:04Really, that's the truth.
23:07I wouldn't lie.