Fur Tv - 01x05 - Ita
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😹
FunTranscript
00:00Attention! This program is for adults. Strong language, sporadic acts of violence, images and scenes of explicit sex between human beings, and some disturbing images on chocolate mousse.
00:30Attention! This program is for adults. Strong language, sporadic acts of violence, images and scenes of explicit sex between human beings, and some disturbing images on chocolate mousse.
00:46Whoever knows Mervin is definitely not a woman, because Mervin does not know women. He just looks at their pictures in Adora-Saw and shoots himself.
01:00He seems unusually happy. Something's wrong?
01:02It's been Monday since I've seen Mervin. The most beautiful days of my life.
01:06I understand.
01:0948 hours non-stop! It's the new world record!
01:13But if luck had decided to smile at Ed, Mervin was about to book the worst of all the nightmares.
01:19Oh no!
01:20Sight! Sight! Sight! Sight! Sight! Sight! Sight! Sight!
01:26Sight! Sight!
01:27Mervin had seen all the porn images of the world.
01:30No!
01:34Ed, didn't you feel like hearing a doll's fart?
01:38I hope so.
01:41Mervin is dead!
01:43I'm going to get the champagne.
01:45Hey brother, tell me something.
01:49It's alive!
01:50What a shame.
01:51Mervin, how many boobs am I holding in my hand?
01:53I don't care. I've seen them all. I'd rather die.
01:57Great idea. Stay still. You won't even notice.
02:00Ed, wait. Maybe there's another way.
02:03Mervin, not everything is lost.
02:05Without porn, I'm nobody.
02:07Brother, you have to escape from this prison of simulated passion
02:10and taste a fresh breeze of true love.
02:13It's time for you to meet a real woman.
02:16A thing?
02:17Try to imagine. It's like porn, but in flesh.
02:21You can even drink this to make her spend the worst night of her life.
02:24Mervin, it's time for you to learn something about women.
02:31This is the most coveted prize.
02:33The woman.
02:34Without the woman, man is nothing.
02:36But how to get one?
02:37Now I'll explain.
02:38This is a diagram that illustrates the various ways I use to conquer love.
02:43Let's begin.
02:44First method.
02:45Buy flowers.
02:46A time when 7.3 roses would fit in a girl's skirt.
02:50But in today's world, it's more complicated.
02:53Second method.
02:54Take her to a beautiful tropical island.
02:56This is one of my favorites, but it goes beyond your possibilities.
03:00The 14,592th method involves naked yoga.
03:05And with this, the first part of my guided tour, seduction, ends.
03:09You're all screwed.
03:10Shoot this.
03:11Pull out the gun, hit the girl, and all your problems will disappear.
03:14Ed, I think you've learned something from the simulator.
03:23Time's up.
03:24Meeting over.
03:25How did it go?
03:26I'm not sure.
03:27We decided not to go out for a while.
03:29You must have a broken heart.
03:31Here, finish it.
03:33Okay, friend.
03:34Let's try again.
03:3745 minutes.
03:38That's much better.
03:39Go on, Mervin.
03:40We have so many things in common.
03:42I think I'm in love.
03:44Not so soon, I hope.
03:46Brother, it's time for you to meet a real woman.
03:52Now, I'll introduce you to some real girls.
03:54But to be sure, let's start with the Internet.
03:59Hey, that's weird.
04:01They have dresses.
04:02No, it's just a part of the network you've never seen.
04:05Listen, these dressed women want to meet dolls like you.
04:08Really?
04:09Well, not exactly like you, but more like you who want to look like me.
04:14Look at this one.
04:15I think she's pretty.
04:16Talk to her, fascinate her, show her your best techniques.
04:21No, wait.
04:22I'd better do it.
04:23Since we're already here, don't write so cool.
04:27I'll show you.
04:28Look.
04:30Here.
04:31I set you an appointment for this night.
04:35I want my porn back!
04:38Relax, and try to remember everything you've learned.
04:41Stop it, Mervin.
04:42Leave her alone.
04:44Hit your head with this.
04:46Ed, you're a friend, but you don't need the brick.
04:48Stefani is very open-minded.
04:50Even Mervin can be successful.
04:56Our young soldier has finally grown up.
05:02This is yours, sir.
05:03Stefani, come back here, I love you.
05:06Sign here.
05:07What is it?
05:08It's a restrictive order.
05:09It doesn't respect the 500 meters distance from a woman.
05:15You know, my friend, you'll see that out there, somewhere,
05:18there's the woman who makes your soul a twin.
05:21Even if the chances of you meeting her are obviously zero,
05:24instead of living without love, it's better not to live at all.
05:28Mervin, I'll miss you.
05:30Not me.
05:31Courage, Mervin, get ready.
05:33Tell Ed that I love him.
05:36What? Wait, wait.
05:37What the fuck is it now?
05:39Who is this Edeltraut?
05:41She was on the network,
05:42in the part where you told me there were women dressed.
05:45I found a chat and that's how I met my soul mate.
05:49And to think she was always on the computer.
05:51But, excuse me, why didn't you tell her before we got ready to justice you?
05:55Do you realize that Ed had to buy the ax with his money?
05:58I let myself be taken by the emotion of the moment.
06:01He knows how to be very persuasive.
06:03Call this Edeltraut.
06:04I have to meet the woman who made our little one a real man.
06:13It's very romantic.
06:14You're in time to change your mind, Mervin.
06:17Oh, this must be my love.
06:20I swear that if this chick has the opposite thumbs, I'll eat the poop.
06:24Oh, poor man of little faith.
06:26My techniques are among the most refined for a woman in bed.
06:29We'll see what a beautiful little fish has been able to catch.
06:35Hi, Mervin.
06:37Edeltraut.
06:38You're so perfect.
06:43Oh, you know you're even more beautiful seen for real.
06:51Well, I see you finally got your color back.
06:54My little Mervin.
06:57You're really a nice little mouth.
07:00Oh, love, it's always been a mystery.
07:03But you're also a little drunk.
07:05You didn't tell me you had such appetizing friends.
07:08Especially you, you're so soft.
07:15And you, sexy bomb, you don't joke either.
07:19I would have a lot of nice things to do to your sausage.
07:24I'm tempted by the offer, Fraulein.
07:26But I think Mervin prefers a faithful woman to a single doll.
07:30I could find out with all three of them not to be satisfied yet.
07:34But now I'm hungry just for you.
07:39Let's go.
07:41Don't wait for us on foot.
07:43That woman has something strange.
07:45It's Mervin's girl.
07:47Of course she has something strange.
07:49I wonder what kind of website could have found a woman like that in our shelter.
07:59Excuse me, I don't want to disturb you.
08:06It was the electrician.
08:10It's delicious.
08:11Where did you hide your brain?
08:14My dear guests, my appetite is really insatiable.
08:19I want you, pussy.
08:25Nobody gives me pussy.
08:29Ah!
08:40The disease of love had made its course.
08:42And although Mervin's heart had been broken,
08:45the culinary lobotomy was giving some side effect.
08:52A woman in a bra!
08:53I had never seen her before.
08:58Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
09:03A woman in a bra!
09:06Why does your man do that?
09:09A woman in a bra!
09:25According to you, the group of Azi has found to try tonight?
09:28I can't hear you, my ears are bleeding.
09:32No! No!
09:36Shit, I broke my balls!
09:38If it's this jewel, it's a guitar.
09:41And you use it only to make fucking noise.
09:43If you don't use it for what it was made for, I'll show you what I do.
09:48This group sucks.
09:49This group is imperial.
09:51This group is shit.
09:53I broke my balls to be in a band that only plays in your fucking room.
09:56If I want to look cool, I can push every youngster out of the hole of Lapino's lock.
10:02Because only on Thursdays I do it all night.
10:05Oh yeah? Then go fuck yourself!
10:07Fuck you, piece of shit, I don't need you.
10:10Actually, I don't need anyone at all.
10:14Hello?
10:15Yes, I'm the vocalist of the Stinkhole, the most evil band of all time.
10:19A date? Fuck, of course we're there.
10:22Guys, they booked us a concert for Tuesday.
10:25Let's kill them all!
10:27Oh shit.
10:28What's up, guitar king?
10:30I need a band.
10:31I just saw one coming out of the door.
10:33They're pissing down there, eating popcorn.
10:35I need a serious band.
10:36I can be part of the band.
10:38Please, Eddie, let me join the band.
10:40Please!
10:41Do you know anyone who can play?
10:43If you're looking for a slap in the ass, I'm your man.
10:45But bipolar guys with long hair and swollen biceps aren't for me.
10:49Fuck you all, I'll take care of it myself.
10:51We're talking about the Stinkhole, guys.
10:53They'll do anything to get in through that fucking door.
11:01THE STINKHOLE
11:06Fuck, fuck you all.
11:08The Stinkhole will have their first legendary concert in less than five hours,
11:11and I'm the only one here.
11:13I'm not a death metal fan, but I know the Grissini's drumsticks, is that enough?
11:17You're in.
11:18Now there's only one left.
11:25Face the inevitable.
11:26Oh, Satan, give me the strength.
11:29Ah, it's the sound of the old country.
11:33That sock that's dancing can be part of the band on one condition.
11:36Which one?
11:37That you don't play a single note of the song.
11:39Be reasonable.
11:40Okay, one note.
11:41Did you hear that, you idiot?
11:43One fucking note.
11:47We're the Stinkhole, the best band in this fucking world.
11:51Get ready to die!
11:58THE STINKHOLE
12:12Help me!
12:14Get me out of here!
12:29Oh, no!
12:34The legend, the brown note!
12:37Oh, fuck, they found it!
12:59THE BROWN NOTE
13:01The new Stinkhole have discovered the legendary brown note.
13:04The sound is so hard that the audience couldn't help but defecate.
13:08They did it, and they all started shitting.
13:11It was the most beautiful moment of my life.
13:13I'll keep it forever.
13:14Yes!
13:17Mike.
13:21As a good boy, get me the engagement of the century, I'm sorry.
13:24Our label is brown.
13:29Guys, you're about to grow up.
13:31You'll make everyone shit in every corner of the world.
13:34I've been shitting for two days listening to your music.
13:37I'm a big fan of yours.
13:39But first of all, let's hurry up with the small bureaucratic formalities.
13:45Where do you sign?
13:46Don't you think it's better to read first?
13:48Read? What the fuck?
13:50Well, I can assure you that it's a standard contract.
13:53It's important that you have creative control.
13:55Control of what?
13:56As Tony told you, it's a standard contract.
13:59Hey, look, they look reliable.
14:09Gentlemen, now you'll have to shit mountains of money.
14:13I mean music.
14:27Guys, guys, stop, stop, stop!
14:30What's up?
14:31Listen, the rhythm is red, ok?
14:33But my panties aren't brown yet.
14:35Listen, what planet do you live on?
14:36We're just big.
14:38Yes, but here we need a little shit.
14:40Turn up the tones a little.
14:41Let me hear the keyboards again.
14:43As if the keyboard mattered.
14:45Ah, is this it?
14:47Ah, no.
14:49Ed, I don't want to be the one to tell you,
14:51but I know that it was Marvin who discovered the brown note.
14:54Maybe this one.
14:55It's not possible.
14:56It can't have been a fucking head
14:58to give metal the biggest moment.
15:00Is this it?
15:01Is it her?
15:09The sticks are mine, do you understand?
15:12The world shits thanks to me.
15:14Then who says contract?
15:16Come on, guys, try to control it.
15:26A few hours later
15:34For heaven's sake!
15:36Steve is dead!
15:38What a shitty way to go.
15:40Fuck it, we did it!
15:42It was the brown note.
15:48Shit!
15:50What do you say about the Focus group?
15:52I'm afraid it didn't react very well.
15:55Did they get bored?
15:57They died.
15:58Ah, at least they didn't get bored.
16:00Listen, Betsy.
16:01What legal problems do we face
16:03publishing an album that ruins the clientele?
16:06Remember the golden rule, tiger.
16:08If the star dies, sales go to the stars.
16:11But if the audience dies, it's a tragedy.
16:15It must never happen again.
16:17What can we do to save ourselves from this fiasco?
16:19Louder!
16:20We checked the master.
16:22It seems that we can remix the material
16:24in a way that is more sensible.
16:28Good, so we won't kill the listeners anymore.
16:34I like it.
16:38Shit!
16:40Storm!
16:42What a beautiful day!
16:44Boom, boom, boom, what a beautiful day!
16:48You're about to make history, Ed.
16:50After tomorrow's launch, your name will rightly be
16:53written forever in the annals of the history of metal.
16:56Now no one can take away your glory.
17:01Listen, I'm here to modify the target of the Stinghole.
17:06Modify?
17:07Well, we did a light remix of the album
17:10and the base track for tonight's show.
17:14The base track?
17:15But we play live!
17:16Fuck you!
17:17I don't perform anymore!
17:18Oh, you should, Ed.
17:20Because otherwise...
17:22I'll sell your ass at the sex market in Bangkok.
17:25You can't do this to me!
17:26Page 307.
17:29Intercourse Records authorizes
17:31to sell his ass at the sex market
17:33if I have not signed it.
17:35I'm afraid so, instead.
17:37Now you go out there and do your best.
17:42Water.
17:43What the fuck is it?
17:44What the fuck is it?
17:51We are the most humble band in this fucking world!
17:54Get ready to die!
18:15No!
18:19It's shit!
18:25Take this!
18:45Rain.
18:47No!
18:56Building up inside.
18:57Ed, close your eyes.
18:58Look into my hole.
18:59Welcome to my shitstorm.
19:00Angels up on high.
19:01Demons gonna cry.
19:02Be prepared to die.
19:03Time to give a shitstorm.
19:06Shit.
19:08Storm.
19:10Brown.
19:12Rain.
19:13Hades is on fire.
19:15The devil is a liar.
19:17I'm going to explode.
19:19Blow them up alone.
19:21I am the lord of the brown rain.
19:26I am the master of fatal pain.
19:30I will take what's rightfully mine.
19:34Brown will be poor.
19:36Drop your brains onto your spine.
19:39No!
19:48There's something to prove.
19:49Children better move.
19:50Get into the groove.
19:51Time to face the shitstorm.
19:52Satan's gonna pray.
19:53Fucking every day.
19:54I will pave the way with a showering shitstorm.
19:58Shit.
20:00Storm.
20:02Brown.
20:04Rain.
20:05Forces will combine.
20:06In my intestine.
20:08Showering Satan's army with shit tsunami.
20:13I am the lord of the fatal pain.
20:17Ripping sweat and searing pain.
20:21Raining brown.
20:23It has come to pass.
20:25Bleeding horror out of your ass.
20:37Rain.
20:40Brown.
20:42Rain.
20:44Brown.
20:46Rain.
20:48Brown.
20:50Rain.
20:52Brown.
21:06Brown.
21:08Rain.
21:10Brown.
21:12Rain.
21:14Brown.
21:16Rain.
21:18Brown.
21:20Rain.
21:24What a shitty way to go.