How to Get Promoted!

  • 2 months ago
"I am in a management position in a retail corporation since 2021. I would never have imagined even getting this far 15 years ago. I was just beginning my journey towards sobriety. (thats also the time i discovered you on YouTube). I have hired many lemons over the last few years. I'm trying to figure out why. I remember people taking a chance when promoting me because they saw potential in me. I feel like I am bad at spotting potential. What did people see in me that I am missing when I hire?"

"My wife and I are having our second baby at the end of October - 4 months away. We had our first child and I was able to be there in person for her throughout the birth, but this second will present a problem in that anyone but the father is allowed on site in the maternity ward. My wife tonight told me that she is very afraid about having the birth on her own as I stay home with our first born. I wonder if I have not been recklessly un-empathetic for her.
My wife has moved countries to marry me and we have both defoo'ed all of my family and friends and as a result, have no support throughout the birthing process and I am going to have to remain at home for the duration.
Where I see this going as the problem - is that I don't have much - if any will to search for friends in the face of what I see out in the world. I'm now also considering that I do not pay enough attention to the people commenting in the chat for an example as possible future friends. What are your thoughts on finding new friends after having had defoo'ed a toxic family and starting from scratch?"

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Transcript
00:00Hey there, Stephen Molyneux from Freedom Inn, hope you're doing well.
00:04It is the pinch-punch first day of the month, 4th of July, 2024, and there were some questions
00:09I didn't get to yesterday in the Sunday morning, 11 a.m.
00:14Eastern Standard Time livestream because we got sucked into a black hole of intense white
00:21knight drama.
00:22No, not drama.
00:24Intense white knight manipulation land, and it needed a fair amount of wrangling, so some
00:30questions escaped me, but of course, I truly appreciate your support and interest, so here
00:35we go.
00:36All right.
00:37I'm in a managed position in a retail corporation ever since 2021.
00:42I would never have imagined even getting this far 15 years ago.
00:45I was just beginning my journey towards sobriety.
00:48That's also the time I discovered you on YouTube.
00:51I have hired many lemons over the last few years.
00:53I'm trying to figure out why.
00:55I remember people taking a chance when promoting me because they saw potential in me.
00:58I feel like I'm bad at spotting potential.
01:01What did people see in me that I am missing when I hire?
01:03It's a great question.
01:04So, one of the things that is real easy to do is to mistake your own energy for other's
01:11potential.
01:12Mistake your own potential for other's potential.
01:14So the syllogism goes something like this.
01:16I succeeded because people gave me a chance, therefore, everyone I give a chance to will
01:23succeed.
01:24You follow?
01:26I succeeded or succeed because people took a chance on me, therefore, everyone I take
01:32a chance on will succeed.
01:34That's not true.
01:35That's not true.
01:36That's reversing cause and effect, right?
01:38I mean, necessary but not sufficient, right?
01:43All good basketball players are tall, therefore, all tall people are good basketball players,
01:49right?
01:50That's not a rational sort of syllogism, right?
01:53So, you may have that sort of magical thinking of saying, well, I'm just like everyone else.
01:58People took a chance on me and I should pay it forward by giving the chance to other people,
02:04taking a risk on other people.
02:05Now, clearly, that hasn't been working out, so that is something important now.
02:11So what I've looked for when mentoring people is a passion for whatever is going on that
02:18predates the work itself, right?
02:22For instance, one of the reasons that people took a chance on me and invested in me as
02:26a software entrepreneur was because I'd been writing programming code since I was 11 years
02:31old, right?
02:32So since I was 11 years old, I've been writing programming code, so people knew that my passion
02:36for computers strongly predated me doing this coding work in my 20s.
02:44So when I had $1,200, which was like a massive fortune back then, when I was 11 or 12 years
02:49old, I inherited it from my step-grandmother and I immediately applied it to buying a computer.
02:56I didn't save it up for a car, I didn't buy, you know, whatever nonsense you could buy
03:00back in the day, but I used it to buy a computer and actually, no, to be fair, to be fair,
03:07the computer was $1,100 or $1,200.
03:09It was an Atari 800 with, was it 16K, 16K, yeah, 400K with 8K and a membrane keyboard.
03:15This one had a raised keyboard and 16K of RAM and I, yeah, I think I got $600 or $700,
03:23my mom kicked in the rest, to be fair, right?
03:25She did help me with that, which was good and nice.
03:27So I had a passion for computers that vastly predated me getting into programming.
03:34So if there's a passion that is larger, right?
03:36If the job is a subset of a larger passion, then that's a good thing, right?
03:42If people come up with solutions prior to you noticing or asking me to solve something,
03:51right?
03:52So I remember my daughter and I, I don't know, some five years ago, four years ago, I mentioned
03:57this on the show before, but it's illustrative, right?
03:59So we went to a Tim Hortons in Canada, of course, and they were out of bagels, right?
04:09And so I went through this whole exercise with her.
04:11So let's say that you're working at Tim Hortons and you're out of bagels.
04:14Well, and again, let's assume that these things are possible, it really was a mental exercise,
04:19there could be good reasons why you wouldn't.
04:21And let's say you noticed that you were running out of bagels.
04:22Well, you'd call head office, you say, we're running out of bagels, you got to drive some
04:25out here.
04:26You would go to, there was a convenience store that was attached, you go and see if they
04:30have any bagels.
04:31They say, ah, well, they're not official Tim Hortons bagels, but whatever, I think people
04:33would rather get bagels and you could at least tell them.
04:36You could drive to another store, and you phone another store and say, do you guys have
04:39extra bagels?
04:40And you could drive and go and get the bagels, right?
04:43So the people that I most valued working with and poured the most energy into were people
04:48who had a passion that was larger than the job.
04:50The job was a manifestation of that passion.
04:53And also the people who said, you know, hey, I came up with a solution for X, Y, and Z,
04:59right?
05:00So way back in the day, I had a report production engine that required access to be running
05:04Microsoft Access, which is a database program and a reporting system.
05:08It required that Microsoft Access be running on a server so that the client could request
05:15the reports.
05:16The reports would be sent back.
05:17It turns out, sadly, that Microsoft Access could not run on the server unless somebody
05:22was logged in, but the company we were working with had a security policy that people could
05:26not be logged into the server.
05:28So that was a problem.
05:29So a guy I worked with, I still remember his name actually, a guy I worked with came up
05:33with an idea to scan the, you could open up the reports in design mode or design view,
05:40and you could scan the reports to figure out where the controls were, like the labels and
05:44the data boxes and so on.
05:47And he ended up writing an algorithm to store the properties of the reports and then produce
05:57the reports in what's called RTF, rich text format.
06:01And it was wonderful, fantastic.
06:04And so he came up with that all on his own, and he worked on it all weekend.
06:08And so like I was thrilled and excited.
06:09So people for whom the work is a subset of a larger passion, people who solve problems,
06:16either that you as a manager, you didn't even know there was a problem and they solve it,
06:20or that you know that there's a problem and they come to you with the problem and the
06:24solution, right?
06:25So the people I did not invest in were people who came and said, X is a problem.
06:30And they just sit there like a bunch of wet glued papier-mâché, they just sit there.
06:37And you know, then it would be up to me to solve the problem.
06:39And it's like, okay, well, I'll pay you because once I figure out the solution, you can implement
06:44it.
06:45But what I did like was people who said, here's the problem, here's the solution.
06:50Or there was a problem, I solved it, right?
06:53And I want people to tell me, don't hide your light under a bushel or whatever.
06:57So look for those kinds of things.
07:00I also was very interested in people who showed interest in the business outside of their
07:03narrow specialty, right?
07:05So if I had a database programmer, if he got interested in the front end, if he wanted
07:10to come on sales meetings, if he wanted to understand the clients and the cash flow and
07:14the share structure and the management and ownership structure, if he showed interest
07:19in the business as an organic entity outside of his particular specialty, well, that was
07:28very interesting and very exciting.
07:30Because what is the problem in business?
07:33The problem in business is to make money, right?
07:36And you should always ask yourself this, right?
07:38Is what I'm doing making money?
07:41This is weird thing like, I don't know, making money is considered a bad thing or whatever.
07:44It's like, well, it's pretty necessary.
07:46I can't do the show if there's no resources to do the show, right?
07:52So when people showed an interest in the business as a whole, larger than their own particular
08:00little slice of the business, that was of course of great interest to me because it
08:04meant that they could solve problems from a business standpoint rather than just be
08:07told what to do from a specific subset of the business platform.
08:12People who read books or take courses on their own time that have some importance relative
08:19to what they're doing as a whole.
08:20So if there was a programmer who was interested in learning something about business, I'd
08:24be happy to chat with him.
08:25I'd recommend some books.
08:26I'm not going to send him on a big training course, although I was happy to do that if
08:30that worked out, unless he showed some interest and some ability ahead of time.
08:34So people who wanted to understand how the economics of the business worked, because
08:40a lot of people are just like, well, I have my tasks and then I get my paycheck and I
08:44have my tasks and I get my paycheck and there's nothing wrong with that, right?
08:48There's three kinds of people in business, the finders, the minders and the grinders.
08:51The finders find the business, the minders run things from a conceptual standpoint and
08:55the grinders just do the actual day-to-day work, right?
08:58Finders, minders and grinders.
08:59And so if you're a grinder, then you're just going to be given a task, right?
09:03And you are going to be programmed with your task and then you program the computer to
09:07complete the task and then you just get your next task.
09:10And to me, it's not the most exciting and conceptual way to live and to work, but there's
09:14a lot of people who are like that.
09:16So if somebody showed interest outside of the narrow field of specialty and was willing
09:19to learn about business and requirements and needs and wanted to meet with customers and
09:23so on, right?
09:24Because I loved having my programmers meet customers, because like, you think I pay you?
09:29I don't pay you.
09:30I just hand them the money that they pay you, like they pay me and then I pay you, right?
09:35So you're not working for me.
09:36You're working for the customers.
09:37And, you know, people who wanted to understand, they enjoy talking about, I don't know, politics,
09:41economics, philosophy, science, like something that's larger, right?
09:45I also look for people who had interesting hobbies, right?
09:47If somebody was just like, well, I go home and I play video games and I watch a movie
09:52and I go to bed.
09:53I think there's nothing wrong with that.
09:54It's fine, but that's just not the kind of intellectual curiosity and excitement that
09:58I'd want to invest much managerial time, effort and energy into.
10:02There's a lot more about that, but that's my very sort of general answer as a whole.
10:07Just be someone who's interesting, who's curious, who looks at the larger picture and you'll
10:11be fine.
10:12All right.
10:14My wife and I having our second baby at the end of October, four months away.
10:19We had our first child and I was able to be there in person for her throughout the birth.
10:22But the second will present a problem in that anyone but the father is allowed on site in
10:28the maternity ward.
10:30My wife tonight told me that she's very afraid of having the birth of her own as I stay home
10:34with our firstborn.
10:35I wonder if I've not been recklessly unempathetic for her.
10:39I'm so sorry.
10:40I'm a little trouble understanding this one.
10:43Anyone but the father is allowed on site in the maternity ward.
10:48Yeah, I don't think that you should not.
10:51I mean, I think you should be there for the birth of your child.
10:55You should be there for the birth of your child.
10:57I mean, there's got to be somebody who can watch your baby, right?
11:03And if there's nobody who can watch your baby, then you need to start developing your social
11:06networks, right?
11:07Friends, neighbors, family, whoever, right?
11:10But there's got to be some maternity group, some parenting group, some, I don't know,
11:14maybe a homeschooling group or some social group or, I mean, you don't raise your children
11:19on your own.
11:20They're not really designed for that, right?
11:21So if it's October, which is some months away, and there's absolutely no one who can watch
11:26your baby for a day or two, I mean, it may not be a day or two.
11:29Maybe she'll just pop out like a grabbed bar of soap or something like that, the baby.
11:34But yeah, you need people to help you raise the child.
11:36You need people that your children are going to play with and socialize with and hang out
11:41and all of that.
11:42So this is your wake-up call to develop, you know, some kind of social network that is
11:51going to function for you.
11:54So yeah, she's right.
11:56You need to be there.
11:58And there could be decisions, right?
11:59There could be important decisions that need to be made that you need to be there for.
12:04So your baby will be fine.
12:06And you want to do it now, right?
12:07So you want to introduce someone, and you know, even if you hire babysitters or whatever,
12:11right?
12:12You want to introduce your baby to someone so your baby gets comfortable with that person.
12:18And then, I don't know how old your firstborn is, but I assume quite young.
12:24So you've got to get them used to that person and pay for it.
12:27And that way you have that person available as a resource.
12:31And then you, I don't know, depending on the age of your firstborn, you can explain things
12:36or not or whatever.
12:38But you know, your baby, your firstborn will be fine for a day or two while you go and
12:44have, right, the second baby.
12:47I mean, this has been going on since time immemorial.
12:52And babies, if they, especially if they have someone else in their life that they know
12:54and trust, or toddlers, they can be, they'll be absolutely fine.
12:58I mean, they cry and kick up a fuss and all of that.
13:02I get that.
13:03But it's important for you to be there with your wife.
13:06So yeah, get yourself some kind of community.
13:08Get people who can watch your toddler and go be with your wife.
13:12In my humble opinion, that could be the way to go.
13:14All right.
13:15All right.
13:16Yes.
13:17Oh, there's more information.
13:19My wife has moved countries to marry me.
13:20We both do food.
13:21All my family and friends, and as a result, have no support outside the birthing process.
13:25Okay.
13:26So, but you have to get support.
13:27You have to get support.
13:28You have to find friends, family, sorry, not family, friends.
13:31You got to find people in the community.
13:33You got to hire babysitters.
13:34You got to go to a church.
13:35Whatever it is you're going to have to do to get some sort of a community.
13:39You need that.
13:40And the good news is you have several months, right?
13:42All right.
13:44She says, oh, he says, where I see this going as the problem is that I don't have much,
13:49if any, will to search for friends in the face of what I see out in the world.
13:53I am now also considering that I do not pay enough attention to the people commenting
13:57in the chat, for example, as possible future friends.
14:00What are your thoughts on finding new friends after having defood a toxic family and starting
14:04from scratch?
14:05Yeah.
14:06I mean, you really should find friends.
14:07You should find your friends.
14:09You should find people that you can get along with.
14:10You can find, like, it doesn't have to, they don't have to be perfect because Lord knows
14:13I'm not perfect.
14:14You're not perfect.
14:15Your wife's not perfect.
14:16Your kids are perfect.
14:17But that's a different matter.
14:18But it's what's best for your kids.
14:20What's best for your kids, of course, is that you have some kind of social life, right?
14:24They can't just grow up in a cocoon of you and your wife.
14:27And you don't talk to anyone else.
14:29You don't have any social life with anyone else.
14:30They don't have any friends with anyone else.
14:32I tell you, man, yeah, I tell you, tell you, tell you.
14:36This is especially fundamentally and essentially crucial when your kids get older.
14:42When your kids become teenagers, they're going to need a friend group.
14:46They're going to need a social group or they're going to miss an absolutely crucial window
14:50of development.
14:51I mean, they want to start developing friends.
14:53They want to start exploring the possibility of a little bit of romance and dating in their
14:58mid-teens and so on.
14:59So yeah, you're going to need that.
15:01And you don't want to just try and make that out of whole cloth from nothing.
15:05So your kids are going to need other kids to play with.
15:08They're going to need to learn how to negotiate some kind of social environment.
15:12And they're going to need to see you socializing as well, because they're going to learn how
15:17to socialize from watching you and your wife socialize.
15:22And it's really not a good idea, in my humble opinion, it's not a good idea to raise kids
15:29who don't have social skills.
15:31Now, of course, you can teach a lot of social skills, you and your wife, they'll develop
15:36skills from siblings, from being siblings and so on.
15:39But it's not enough.
15:40Your kids need to see you socialize.
15:42They need to see how you handle friendships.
15:45They need to see, oh, you know, the pluses and minuses of friendships and a good friend
15:48is gold in this world.
15:51So your kids are going to need to.
15:53Otherwise, your sort of fear and anxiety and negative attitude towards the world, which
15:58is why you wouldn't have friends, is going to get into their brain, right?
16:05And you don't want that, right?
16:06You don't want them growing up to think that everyone's terrible and you've got to be isolated
16:10because humanity is a social contagion, plague or, you know, whatever, whatever you're going
16:15to come up with.
16:16But you got to find people that you like.
16:19And there are people, I mean, I tell you this, right, there are people out in the world that
16:23you will like.
16:24You know, maybe it may take a couple of runs to find them, but they are out there.
16:29And you can find them.
16:30And you should.
16:32For you, for your wife, for your happiness, you know, we're social animals.
16:35We're not just atomistic family interstellar space station non-groups, right?
16:44Just the family unit is usually not enough.
16:47And for the obvious reason, of course, that your kids' future lie beyond the family unit,
16:51right?
16:52Your kids' future lie beyond the family unit because your kids obviously are not going
16:56to marry and have kids within the family unit.
16:58So your kids are going to need to, you're aiming your kids at the outside world.
17:03And they need to have exposure to the outside world, the good and the bad, the right and
17:06the wrong.
17:08And that is important because otherwise, how are they going to get out into the world and
17:13get married and have their own friends and careers?
17:16And how are they going to have kids and like all this kind of stuff, right?
17:20So you need to develop a social life.
17:23To me, that is an essential part of parenting as a whole.
17:27And I get, I know, I mean, we can all be kind of fussy, we've all been burned and you'll
17:31make mistakes.
17:32Lord knows I have with friendships over the course of my life.
17:34So, but you'll be fine, you'll survive all of that and you'll get a good stable group
17:40of friends.
17:41You know, I've had my ups and downs with friendships and but I've got a good group of friends now
17:45and my daughter is good friends with a great group of people.
17:51And that's just something you have to keep thrashing around until you can find and build.
17:56And yeah, we've all been burned, but you know, to be fair, we've also burned others, right?
18:00I'm sure you haven't been a perfect friend or a perfect person as a whole, none of us
18:04have.
18:05So, you know, with humility, recognizing that you're not perfect, I think it's important
18:08to just go out there and do some of that rough and tumble of developing friendships.
18:14And you know, that's going to have you confront some, maybe some social anxiety or some problems
18:18with affection towards others.
18:20But the, you know, the purpose of being burned is to have you avoid fire, not sunlight, right?
18:28The purpose of being burned by bad people is to have you avoid bad people, not everyone,
18:32right?
18:33That's taking it, that's taking it too far, right?
18:35That is like saying, I've got a sunburn once so I can never see the sun again, right?
18:41That's too, that's letting the bad guys win, right?
18:43Letting the bad guys seal you off from a social environment is not the way to deal with being
18:50hurt, right?
18:51The way to deal with being hurt is to go the opposite direction into love and affection,
18:57not stay in the realm of avoidance.
19:00In other words, the solution to being hurt is not isolation, because that's just being
19:07hurt in a different kind of way, right?
19:09The solution to being hurt is to connect, is to love, to have affection, to be positive.
19:15You don't want to let people who hurt you rob you of your capacity or willingness or
19:18desire to have a social life and social engagements, right?
19:23That's not, that, whatever happens, that's not the right thing to do.
19:26We're social animals and you don't let bad people take away your social life.
19:29You don't let them say, and the bad people might even be the people in media, the people
19:33in politics or all of the people who are saying to you, the world is ending, it's the worst
19:36thing ever, and World War III and all that kind of stuff.
19:40People have had to have children throughout our evolution in situations far worse than
19:44we face.
19:45I mean, humanity was down after the last Ice Age, humanity was down to 10,000 people, like
19:50one-fifth of the Galactica crew.
19:52So yes, you don't want to let the bad people and the scaremongers and the fearmongers rob
19:58you of a social life and rob your kids of learning how to socialize outside the family
20:05because that's what they're going to have to do, otherwise it's kind of the end of your
20:08line, which makes having kids a whole lot less valuable, so.
20:11All right, I think, let me just double check, I think that was it.
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21:04Bye.