Briana Banks - Stardom and Overcoming Abuse and Addiction interview / Podcast
Briana Banks - Stardom and Overcoming Abuse and Addiction interview / Podcast
Transcript
00:00[Music]
00:13[Music]
00:20hello everybody
00:21happy Wednesday today in the studio I
00:25have the legendary the one and only
00:29Brianna Banks hey guys hi Brianna hi it
00:34is so good to see you yeah it's good to
00:36see you too it's been a while he's been
00:38a while so Briana and I have known each
00:40other for a long time hmm my mother's
00:42who's Randall used to shoot so much
00:45content on her and this is like really
00:48at the beginning of my career because I
00:51remember there was a shoot that I did of
00:53you the like beer wench shoes yeah and I
00:57was so excited about that shoot we had
00:58such a cool set and I remember that was
01:01kind of like my mom was very picky about
01:03what she would let me shoot she'd like
01:04kind of hand give me stuff here and
01:07there and a lot of times if there was a
01:08lot of like set design or styling or
01:11something put into it she like wouldn't
01:12let me have it
01:13like she had to shoot it you know what I
01:15mean and I remember I was so excited cuz
01:17she like kind of get is like it was like
01:20a gift when my mom would give me these
01:22like cool shoots that we put a lot of
01:23money and time into because you know I
01:25was I still no I didn't know what I was
01:27doing and you know I had a lot to learn
01:30but that shoot was kind of like one of
01:32those little gifts and I was like so
01:34excited and I still love those photos
01:37everyone loves them I see them come up
01:39all the time on my Twitter feed oh yeah
01:41like memories I know um I actually had
01:45her sign a couple of those for my patron
01:47members you guys just so you know if you
01:49want to sign up at patreon.com slash
01:51holly Randall unfiltered you can get
01:52signed pictures from my lovely guests as
01:55well as a beer lunch yes a beer win you
01:58know um when I was when I released the
02:01information on social media um that you
02:04were gonna be on one guy mentioned he
02:07brought up ask her about the pony shoot
02:10with Mark Davis do you remember that
02:12holy [ __ ] yeah when we had you like in a
02:15bit the whole like oh that was me and
02:19that was my best friend at the time it's
02:21the only time she ever got in penthouse
02:23I was actually more excited for her
02:25because I'd been in it a few times
02:27it's my friendly - chase yes and Mark
02:29Davis yes absolutely that was a crazy
02:32shoot that was on I love like pony
02:35fetish stuff and have honestly always
02:37wanted to recreate that because I
02:39haven't seen that in a long time I can't
02:42even remember how long we were a make up
02:44for to get our hair to do that was that
02:46Lee who did it the hair make it was Lee
02:49yeah yeah I think I think it we were
02:51probably two hours each and mayhap
02:53easier Oh easy but it was amazing so
02:57cool it's gorgeous yeah I really want to
02:59do a shoot like that again actually how
03:02was it like to shoot in do you remember
03:03like the were the bits super annoying
03:05oh well Steve's never did anything that
03:08was comfortable you know so I'm sure
03:11that uh yeah that gag thing in my mouth
03:14wasn't really very comfortable I don't
03:16even know how we went about shooting
03:18like but blow job and all that you know
03:20it's a I can't remember if we had to
03:23take things out put it back together
03:24yeah but I mean in the pictures it looks
03:27effortless effortless ly done you know
03:29yeah well and also to back then you know
03:31you could spend eight hours doing still
03:34set mm-hmm
03:35and you didn't really I don't know if
03:37you guys shot video of that or not I
03:39know that there are students hazzle some
03:42of the BTS but you know I've seen a
03:44couple BTS but nothing like video video
03:47like we do now yeah I think that was
03:49back in the day before we really kind of
03:51transitioned to shooting video and even
03:52then like stills were such a huge part
03:54of our income that like the video was
03:58kind of like an afterthought you know
03:59it's like okay well shoot some video but
04:01really it was about the stills because
04:02you know magazines were such a big part
04:04of our revenue and God it is so
04:07different now man
04:08III I'm really missed going to the
04:12magazine stands and seeing myself on a
04:14cover and like going and buying it I
04:16know you know it's like wow those were
04:18like such a such amazing amazing time
04:20I loved shooting magazines I know it's
04:23crazy and it's like now you know it's
04:25all about the video and the stills are
04:29no just kind of to accompany promoting
04:31the video and you know I'm still like I
04:33mean I direct video obviously and I
04:36enjoy it but I'm still like I feel like
04:37at my heart I'm a photographer and I
04:39definitely miss those you know times
04:42where we really just focused on the
04:43pictures and spent like so much time
04:46mm-hmm
04:47it was just I don't know I don't think
04:50you can really explain it I'm glad that
04:52we both like have seen the transition
04:54you know me coming back I was like whoa
04:56yeah it's totally different you know
04:59everything changed while I was gone yeah
05:01so you you were in yeah I was gonna say
05:04like you were one of the few people who
05:06are in the industry who saw what it was
05:08you know you were a vivid contract star
05:10right started gonzo for two years then
05:13signed with Vivid for eight years
05:15yeah then after that I was kind of lost
05:19my way you know cuz I didn't know what
05:20to do without without vivid and that's
05:23when I kind of dropped out for flight
05:25five years and then pop back yeah came
05:28back yeah
05:29so how was um I guess let's start at the
05:31beginning how did you get into porn um I
05:35was 19 and um you know going way back I
05:40got custody and my sister I moved out
05:43when I was very young like 14 iya Mansa
05:45pated myself at 16 and I got full
05:48custody of my little sister at 18 so you
05:52know I was trying to go to school work
05:54and still take care of her and I just
05:57couldn't make ends meet so I answered an
05:59ad in the paper and needed modeling make
06:01like a thousand dollars a day I was like
06:03you know I think I can do that I know
06:05I'm I was on the cover of teen magazine
06:07I was like were you really yeah that was
06:10my first cover of her was teen magazine
06:12so I drove I like I drove and I got to
06:20the business I got to the location and
06:23it was actually a porn set they were
06:25I've never seen a porn set and I pulled
06:28up and there was like they were filming
06:29like three scenes at once it was um for
06:33Zane and I'm like holy I'm like I can't
06:36do that I'd only been with like one guy
06:38and so I drove away and then I drove
06:40back and
06:41drove away and I drove back and I was
06:43like you know if you don't do it you and
06:44your sister are gonna be out on your
06:46asses in three days like if you don't go
06:48through with this and make that money
06:49you're gonna be evicted you're gonna
06:51take your sister away so I did it and I
06:55was like a deer in headlights it's the
06:57most embarrassing scene ever and it was
06:59with Brandon Brandon iron oh wow and I
07:02didn't even know penises came in
07:03different you know like he pulled that
07:07thing out and I didn't even know what to
07:09do it that I was just looking at Matt's
07:12like they're like they're like they're
07:13like can you make noise or can you move
07:17like I literally just laid there and I
07:19looked like I was scared to death
07:21because I was I was very shy and uh you
07:24know I got the thousand dollars and then
07:26I was like well you know I wasn't so bad
07:28and I didn't tell my sister until like
07:31she kind of figured something was up
07:33like maybe two weeks into and I'm down
07:36like buying matching futons for our
07:38studio yeah and I you know lied for a
07:43while about what I was how I was getting
07:45it and then I you know it was like well
07:47finally I had to come clean I didn't
07:49have a choice because everybody found
07:50out so so quickly oh really mm-hmm
07:54who found out first uh my friends I mean
07:58I I went under the name Mirage for two
08:01years so I was like nope
08:03sparkles was taken I tried that I was
08:09but there was already a sparkle I chose
08:15the name Mirage and I think the turning
08:18point was when my mom's boyfriend asked
08:21me to sign a box VHS for him and I was
08:25mortified
08:25I was like that was the point where I
08:28was like oh I have to tell my mom now
08:30you know yeah and it was just like after
08:33that I was kind of like you know what
08:34everybody knows what I'm doing I'm just
08:36gonna stop going by Mirage cuz I hated
08:39him anyway and I got my boobs done and
08:42changed my name to Brianna banks which
08:45Briana it's my real name so just went I
08:47just went for it
08:48yeah so what was your what was your like
08:53okay so you said you did gonzo for
08:55two years yeah was there a point was
08:57there one scene that kind of made you
08:58feel like okay this is actually
09:01something that I enjoy this is something
09:02that I could see myself like making a
09:04career out of this you know all my
09:07Mirage scenes I think I really have such
09:10a huge fan base because they were all
09:11real that was like my first time ever
09:14with the girls on camera you know or my
09:16first time with two guys or five guys
09:20you know like everything was real for me
09:24um and you know I kind of grew up
09:28sexually on camera from like a naive
09:31little girl they've been with one guy
09:33for like four years to you know becoming
09:36a porn star and really fighting like my
09:38sexuality and enjoying sex do you feel
09:41like that was a good way for you to
09:42explore your sexuality because you know
09:45I've heard some girls say that they've
09:47you know you're not the first girl who's
09:49told me they've kind of grown up
09:50sexually important oh AUSA and Keira
09:51talked about that and who Aniston talked
09:53about that and they felt that it was
09:55like kind of this safe space where they
09:57could try these things and they knew
10:00that you know they could they would be
10:02taken care of and they could say no and
10:04they could you know pull away or like
10:06did you did you feel like it was a safe
10:08place for you to explore it or do you
10:10wish that you had done it in your
10:11private life first um
10:13I guess both I mean I had some really
10:16bad experiences too coming into this
10:19industry that's hardcore for example you
10:22know I got thrown that way not knowing
10:24anything about what was gonna happen to
10:26me and that messed me up for awhile but
10:28um he was very nice he took me in to you
10:38know go eat and you know go get tested
10:41and then um all that good stuff
10:44you know he really like tries to bond
10:47with you it's kind of weird he gets you
10:48to tell personal stuff about yourself to
10:51him and you don't know he's gonna use it
10:52against you and so then you know a
10:56couple days go by I get my tests back
10:58everything and he brings me to his house
11:00and we take this elevator and like the
11:03whole like fourth or fifth story was all
11:05little girls clothes I was
11:07a little bit thrown back right when I
11:09walked and I was like yellow couch I was
11:11like yeah this is this is not normal and
11:14then he shaved me he shaved my vagina
11:17area himself himself like not in the
11:21scene not in the scene before we started
11:23the scene and and and like put my hair
11:26in pigtails and dressed me like like it
11:28was like I was a little girl and I still
11:31didn't know what was about to happen to
11:33me you know I was just like aw this
11:34guy's kind of weird you know but I'm
11:36used to playing the little girl role and
11:38you know then the scene starts and he
11:41just turned into like somebody totally
11:43different and uh you know like I guess
11:48like two hours into it you know I mean
11:50this is like straight anal like he's a
11:53two-hours saying this the scene went on
11:55for about six hours wait he kept the
11:58theme went on you take breaks no no he
12:02just kept loved everyone knows if
12:05they've watched max hardcore stuff he
12:07urinates on you he pretty much uses
12:09everything that he learned about my
12:11sister on camera my mother like your cry
12:16was crying to the point where I'm
12:18looking at the cameraman waiting for
12:20like somebody to stop it but I'm like
12:22you know if I stop now then you know I'm
12:24not gonna get paid like all this stuff's
12:26going through my head I'm like how much
12:28longer can this really go on for ya and
12:30this is only two hours into it little
12:32did I know that you know he would
12:34continue to do this to me for like six
12:36hours to the point where you know I was
12:38just ready to like I'd been puking I was
12:41sick but like the last thing he made me
12:43do was look into the camera and asked my
12:46mommy if she was proud of me
12:49yeah and that was like out of everything
12:52that he made me do during that scene
12:54disgusting stuff that was the thing that
12:57hurt the most
12:58like I literally like bailed out of
13:01there I didn't shower I still had pissed
13:03on like a bra on and and panties and I
13:07drove home and I was just a mess for
13:10like two weeks my sister's like what
13:12happened you know and I couldn't even
13:14tell her for at least two weeks you know
13:16what if what had just happened to me oh
13:18my god but
13:19I was uh that was when I got rid of that
13:21agent yeah yeah and just kind of went on
13:25my own because I couldn't believe that
13:27he sent me to a booking where that would
13:29where he knew that was going to have yes
13:31I mean everybody knows the kind of
13:33content that max produces and it's
13:35really insane it's like you know I mean
13:38I'm all for like people doing you know
13:40stuff consensually and if you're into
13:42weird [ __ ] whatever yeah you know I
13:44don't want to Qing shame you but like
13:45his stuff was really like I couldn't
13:47watch it it was and that's only the
13:49American version you know imagine like
13:51the real the European version where they
13:53show everything I've only ever seen the
13:56stuff that's posted here chill I
13:58remember watching a scene that he did
14:00with like Rebecca Lou Norris and she
14:02cried afterwards and I was like if and
14:05that girls like I don't know if you
14:06remember Rebecca but she was super
14:08hardcore yeah and I was like if you
14:09didn't make Rebecca cry holy [ __ ] you
14:12know what I mean like I mean and you're
14:13just one of so many girls who's had that
14:16that story about him it's just like
14:18crazy do you see you see him at the show
14:21sometimes right you know he's like
14:22popped back up I why now hi every time I
14:26see em I will never make eye contact you
14:28know when all this stuff came up about
14:31him drugging yet a certain girl on the
14:35industry and they wanted me to testify
14:37and I didn't even you know I'm like
14:38unfortunately he didn't drug me I can
14:41say that I wish I had been drugged for
14:43that scene yeah I'm like I was
14:45completely sober so you know I'm like I
14:47don't really want to be involved you
14:49know I'm just gonna stay out of it all
14:51right yeah it's um yeah his stuff is I'm
14:55really really sorry that you went
14:57through that it's crazy because you know
14:59back then that was before like social
15:02media and all of that stuff I mean
15:03someone like him wouldn't really I mean
15:07I don't think he'd be able to to survive
15:08now know I don't know how I heard he's
15:11shooting again which I can't believe I'm
15:13like really yeah I would have met I
15:16don't know because I haven't seen any
15:17stuff but I wonder if he's kind of toned
15:19his stuff down a little bit because you
15:21know I mean now like girls can talk I
15:22mean now you know you get treated like
15:25that by a director and a lot of girls
15:28will call you out yeah though to be fair
15:30sometimes they won't I mean there's
15:32so that that whole concern about being
15:35labeled as a prima donna other people
15:37want to work for you not getting paid I
15:39mean this is something that comes up now
15:41a lot yeah I mean I did five the five on
15:45one and that was bad easier than I'm
15:48sorry no I think I also got to pick my
15:52guys you know and they were very Nyame I
15:54was very lucky it wasn't like where they
15:56were trying to destroy me scenes right
15:59not something I would care to venture
16:01into and at this point yeah yeah but
16:05yeah and there's a way to you know to
16:07make a scene look really intense and
16:10hardcore and it not actually be that
16:12kind of experience well yeah I mean I
16:14like rough sex but not when it's you
16:17know messing with my mind
16:19yeah that kind of emotional abuse is
16:21really disturbing stuff like that you
16:23know like facial abuse does the same
16:25kind of thing that kind of stuff like I
16:26really like makes me sick yeah because
16:29that's like that's a whole other level
16:30and it's and that it's not playing
16:32anymore yeah it's not a fantasy and you
16:35know when I'm like really crying yeah
16:37yeah oh my god that's horrible
16:40so can you tell us about some you're
16:42really wonderful seeing that your fan
16:44should go see I don't know it on a
16:46lighter note in a lighter note oh god
16:50I'm like I have done so many scenes I'm
16:52like once that's I have I just shot a
16:55movie for Jim Wayne who I have known
16:58probably as long as you my mom my mom is
17:03a MILF a maniac for but I just love
17:08shooting for him you know cuz I think I
17:11probably shot as many scenes for him as
17:13I had did for vivid over the eight years
17:15so I'm trying to think of like the babe
17:18watch I remember but that was a really
17:20fun one we were all on the beach dressed
17:23like just like Baywatch and people are
17:25coming up asking us for autographs
17:26because they thought we were Baywatch
17:28she watches such a huge show outside of
17:31America yes like I mean you know um who
17:34said Leeds Pamela no no no the guy Oh
17:38Ernie help me out who's the star of
17:42Tommy Lee
17:45David Hasselhoff Wow Wow Ernie is not
17:49listening at all exact Tommy Lee yeah I
17:53said Pamela Anderson he said Tommy David
17:59Hasselhoff yeah like he's like huge in
18:01Germany like he think I only knew that
18:03cuz I'm from Germany that's so funny
18:08it's like those people like that show is
18:11insanely popular outside of I mean it
18:14was popular here but insanely popular
18:15outside of the United States I think
18:17everybody like who watched it thought
18:20that's what California was like yeah
18:22like everybody looked like that like
18:25which is sort of true it was fun I don't
18:29know I like I loved it I'll uh I I loved
18:33all my own gonzo stuff like I had a lot
18:36of fun on it and then my vivid stuff I
18:39mean getting to fly to Budapest and
18:43shoot Breanna loves Rocco you know like
18:45getting to see Budapest I was exhausted
18:47but food is beautiful yeah I got to you
18:50know I was there for two days I
18:52literally flew there did two scenes and
18:54flew home because I knew that PT would
18:56keep me there for eight days with you
18:59know the shots of this city in the
19:02background if I didn't put my foot down
19:04so how was it being a vivid girl back
19:07then I mean you were kind of in the gold
19:09like that was the last of like the
19:11golden age of the contract girls yeah
19:13it's it's funny I'm I was there for
19:15eight years so I mean I saw them come
19:17and go and I did like three reality
19:20shows through it vivid and the last one
19:22we did was last girl standing and I'm
19:24literally the last girl I am like the
19:28last vivid girl you know but I I really
19:31got along with most of the girls there
19:34were a few that I didn't get along with
19:35but Nina they never really lasted long
19:38yeah the really standoffish ones you
19:41know didn't last long so were there any
19:43ones in particular that like you really
19:45went to town with him yeah Kiera Kenner
19:49I don't remember who that is she she
19:53didn't like me because she dated and I
19:55don't even want to say is my ex my ex
19:57boyfriend
19:59Vitaliy yeah she dated him before I did
20:02and so she always had a thing for me and
20:04it's like whenever he dropped me off and
20:06said she'd like walk around with her top
20:08off but I'm just like what is she doing
20:12I know exactly so yeah me and her but it
20:16wasn't just me I think our third reality
20:18show they put us all in a house with
20:20liquor all the girls and booze and we
20:26just went to town it's like we just
20:28verbally just asked her why she was such
20:31a [ __ ] [ __ ] you know I mean all of
20:34us just finally like came out and just
20:36went after her and she started crying
20:38and I actually like felt bad but then I
20:41was like it's not just me yeah every
20:44girl here is like finally it's like fed
20:47up with you you know she was just a
20:48nasty person yeah who were you closest
20:51to um obviously Jonah mmm are you guys
20:55still friends you know we're friends on
20:57social media I haven't seen her in quite
21:01a few years I saw heard a red-carpet
21:02event maybe like six six years ago when
21:06I was still when I was still on my
21:08retirement but um she's doing great so
21:11good for her yeah she had a kid recently
21:13yeah girl yeah I just I've been
21:15following her and she looks incredible
21:17she like lost all the weight and she
21:20still looks amazing yeah yeah good for
21:22her she's definitely changed some of her
21:24opinions about the world but we don't
21:27need to go into this know you so
21:34actually you left porn for a while why
21:38where did you go I just I did it I tried
21:44to do a couple scenes for browsers and I
21:48just you know it's kind of like at a
21:50midlife crisis and you know I was having
21:53to take a bunch of pills to get through
21:55those scenes and browsers wasn't very
21:58happy about it and I want the last thing
22:01I did was a porn star punishment for
22:04browsers which is a whole niche that
22:06they've pulled it was yeah it was very
22:08brutal for the end
22:10once again she'd have done my research
22:12before I agreed to do it I didn't you
22:15know I was like if I've done max
22:16hardcore what can right well James Dean
22:19can be pretty mean too and after that
22:23scene I was just you know that was kind
22:25of it for me that was I was like I don't
22:27I'm not enjoying this anymore
22:29I'm doing it for the money and I just
22:32got humiliated on film and you know I
22:35just said I'm done and I just walked
22:37away I completely just left I quit you
22:40know back then it was Facebook and not
22:43Facebook MySpace so I mean once I
22:47disappeared I went to like school to
22:49become a personal trainer I had my
22:51implants taken out I dyed my hair brown
22:53like I never wanted to hear the name
22:55Briana banks again like I was just I was
22:58done you know I want it to be remembered
23:00it's like the vivid legend and not that
23:03pornstar punishment scene yeah I hear
23:06you know so were you pretty good at like
23:08assimilating back into society do people
23:11not recognize you were you able to
23:12really like restart your life again now
23:16you know I mean you can never walk away
23:19from 15 years of porn and think that no
23:23one's gonna recognize you because you
23:24went down to a B cup and you dyed your
23:27hair brown it was kind of ridiculous on
23:29my part but you know um I tried I you
23:32know but I was living in like Agora and
23:35and dating another amazing guy and yeah
23:42I ended up you know moving away from
23:44Agora
23:44because a very small town and everybody
23:47knew how it was it was like I'm so tired
23:49of hearing you know oh you know I was
23:52already I was just known as the porn
23:53star and it's like I haven't done porn
23:55in like four years and I'm still known
23:57as the porn star and yeah it's really
24:00hard it's something that like you really
24:01can't escape especially nowadays with
24:03the internet you know it's like once
24:04you're in your
24:05and it's then the stigmas real yeah it's
24:09really brutal yeah and so you know I
24:12just I decided you know as I was like
24:15I'm just gonna make one more whirl with
24:17this you know it's like I was like I
24:19liked being Brianna Binks at one point
24:21and I'm like if I'd like go back with my
24:24head right and I'm like a different
24:26person than when I left you know make
24:28smart choices and decisions that maybe I
24:32can you know like being Brianna banks
24:35again so that's what I did
24:36okay we're gonna take a quick break but
24:40then when we come back I want to talk
24:41about like keep that whole journey from
24:43coming back to porn because I know
24:45there's a lot that you went through so
24:46okay we'll be right back guys
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25:43unfiltered and thank you guys so much
25:45for your support I could not do this
25:47without you alright so we're back so
25:50Brianna I know that you went through a
25:52lot and you were dating Bobby vitaliy
25:57and I think you kind of went down a dark
26:01hole how can you tell us a little bit
26:04about that I met Bobby when I was right
26:12before I signed my contract with Vivid
26:14so I was 20 20
26:16mm-hmm I just got the cover penthouse I
26:20would just got the cover of avian and
26:23you know was about to sign my deal with
26:26Vivid and I met Bobby I hadda blurk tat
26:29them twice but you know outside of that
26:32I didn't really know anything about him
26:34and then he approached me an avian at
26:37the awards show and you know we ended up
26:44dating he drove me home from avian and
26:47at that time he was sober I didn't
26:49really know anything about him that he
26:51had a past of drug abuse you know he was
26:5414 years older than me
26:56so I was still pretty naive at 21 and I
27:00felt pretty hard for him and then he
27:04relapsed and his drug of choice was
27:08crack and unfortunately you know I'm
27:12also have very addictive personality
27:14I've been to rehab a few times yeah yeah
27:18and I got wrapped up right in it with
27:23them and I mean the stuff we did it was
27:26just insane i io deed so many times and
27:31got down to like 98 pounds and still you
27:34didn't think anyone was catching on you
27:37know Vivat called me in and said you
27:40know we can't shoot you until you put
27:42weight on you're too skinny to shoot
27:44your mom she pulled me aside and
27:47actually watched me eat like she forced
27:50was forced feeding me and it was it was
27:52just a really dark time and that was
27:54only one year of my life that I did that
27:57drug for but that one year like brooming
28:00so much of my life yeah you know my
28:03reputation I I do drive a car into bobby
28:11pin him to a wall I knew this was gonna
28:14come up and I to this day I will stand
28:17by the fact that I did not do it on
28:19purpose because you know Bobby was very
28:22abusive to me and I think um a lot of
28:25people don't know how bad he used to
28:27beat me but he broke my jaw he
28:29cut off my finger with a knife wait what
28:32yeah this finger which one I see it yeah
28:36he cut it off with the knife notice it
28:40doesn't Bend he cut it all the way I was
28:43about to go on stage to dance we were at
28:45a club in Akron Ohio and I was doing my
28:49makeup and he know we I had an
28:52engagement ring on and he just took a
28:54knife like I had next to meet of like
28:56cut up my fishnets before I went onstage
28:58because I would do this whole theatrical
29:00pulling up the fishnets off and he just
29:03picked it up and cut my finger off and I
29:05was like in complete [ __ ] shock and I
29:09I didn't feel the pain I just all I just
29:12said you know like that my button the
29:14bodyguard had just walked away because I
29:16had a bodyguard with me and I duct-taped
29:19my fingers so that it you know was still
29:21on and put all my gloves and I went
29:23onstage I was in that much shock but I
29:25didn't really realize what he did what
29:27it just happened
29:28until like the second song I started
29:31seeing blood all over the stage dripping
29:34down my arms and then I passed out and I
29:37woke up in the emergency room and you
29:40know they had to like so everything back
29:42together and yeah it was he did some
29:45awful stuff to me break breaking my job
29:48when I was on on tour also throwing me
29:51across the room and so that's why people
29:54think I hit him on purpose but I
29:57actually pulled into my garage and he
29:59was in the garage in the dark smoking
30:02crack and it scared the [ __ ] out of me I
30:05dunno what's expecting someone to be in
30:07my garage and I hit the gas pedal and I
30:10smashed him in between my car and the
30:12wall and I broke his pelvis broke his
30:17legs got and it was awful and the reason
30:22like if he knew if he thought for one
30:25second that I did that on purpose I
30:27wouldn't be alive today because the [ __ ]
30:29he did to me after cuz of course he was
30:32pissed he knows it was an accident but I
30:34mean I would wake up to him pulling me
30:35out of bed by my hair and pissing on me
30:38out of his UBB his bladder bag
30:40and I still stayed with them because I
30:42felt so guilty about hitting them with
30:45my car like I he had to learn how to
30:47walk again and he continued to do drugs
30:51and at this point I had stopped doing
30:52drugs I was I was done you know and I
30:55just
30:56I called his mom I'm like you know I he
30:59can't he can't be here anymore you know
31:01he's gonna kill me I'm gonna wake up one
31:03day and he's gonna have killed you know
31:05I'm not gonna be here anymore so he
31:09ended up getting like a hundred thousand
31:11for my insurance and I personally paid
31:13out of pocket 20 grand for surgeries for
31:16him to get everything working again and
31:19you know that that was the end of Bobby
31:22Batali's career he tried to make a
31:24comeback I believe at one point and when
31:27I heard his name I was just like he's
31:29never once ever gonna work with him
31:31because he it was very aggressive on the
31:33girls also he he had a very bad
31:35reputation when he left it for beating
31:38up the girls during scenes I was like
31:40the only one that would still do scenes
31:42with them and it wasn't really by choice
31:43it was more by otherwise I was
31:45supporting him yeah I remember he was
31:48like a favorite of my mom's but I think
31:50that's before he relapsed yeah when yeah
31:52he and he was bad man I'm so sorry so
31:58what did you do after how'd you see you
32:00finally left him I assume yeah I left I
32:02left them and I had drug dealers still
32:05showing up at my door because he owed so
32:08much money to everyone I just had to
32:11move I had to move you know and um
32:13because my sister was living living in
32:16the house with me so I just you know
32:18moved and you know just started my life
32:20again it was kind of like and all over
32:23Wikipedia everyone thinks I was married
32:25to bhagat alley and like to get the
32:27Wreckers J we were never married never
32:30married you're engaged we were engaged
32:33but I don't even think I knew what the
32:35word engaged really meant you know it's
32:37like it was nothing that me and him ever
32:39sat down and actually talked about I
32:41think it was just a pretty ring to me
32:43you know it's like I I hadn't loved him
32:46for a long time I mean how can you love
32:48somebody that beats you like that yeah
32:50why do you think you stayed
32:52I I don't know it's kind of a first uh
32:56he like he was a nice guy when I met him
33:00I guess I just held onto that for so
33:02long that he would stop doing drugs and
33:05he'd go back to being the person that I
33:07fell for but that person was gone a long
33:10time before I left him right yeah I know
33:12that makes sense does he try to contact
33:14you at all anymore no I had a month
33:20ikata I haven't seen him in so long the
33:22last time I saw him he looked like a
33:24little old man I didn't even recognize
33:26him and I was like that's the person
33:28that I was with for five years it like
33:30really tripped me out it's crazy looking
33:32back right yeah well now he's 14 years
33:35older than me so you know that puts him
33:37in this fit in his fifties yeah so and I
33:40met him when he was like closer to what
33:42I the age I am right now so so you left
33:46him and then what did were you still
33:47performing after you left him oh yeah I
33:50continued if I hadn't left him I
33:53probably I'd would be dead so I
33:55continued with Vivid and things actually
33:57got you know a lot better for me once I
34:00left him I just focused on my career and
34:02I was touring constantly dancing you
34:05know and you know my sister stayed with
34:08me throughout all this time until just a
34:10couple years ago Wow it's I mean it's
34:13really great that you had family at
34:15least one family member to be next you
34:17know besides you after all that because
34:19I know that there's a lot of girls who
34:21get into their porn and their family
34:22like completely disowned them and then
34:24they they go through rough patches like
34:26we kind of all do and they don't have
34:27somebody there to support them so that's
34:30that's really great that you had that
34:32and then you said you went to rehab so
34:37once I got out you know started drinking
34:42a lot like my mother was and is an
34:45alcoholic and so I kind of thought as
34:48long as I never a drink that I was okay
34:51I could do every other drug and that
34:53wouldn't make me my mother so you know
34:55dabbled into the pills and you know all
34:59that's good stuff and I ended up going
35:02finally to rehab but my sister too
35:04because we were living together we were
35:06like the first sister group that had
35:08ever gone to this rehab but it was like
35:10you know we live together and if we both
35:13don't get sober then we can but there's
35:15no point in me coming by myself
35:17right it's hard it's so hard when you
35:19get stuck into that cycle you know and
35:22and waking up every morning and thinking
35:24like today's a day I'm gonna stop and
35:26like having that conversation with
35:27yourself every day and like not being
35:29able to get out of it it's just like
35:31it's the it's like the darkest place
35:34that you can be you can just feel so
35:36alone
35:37yeah very alone and I ended up going
35:40three times that's all right I went
35:43twice and then I went to sober I went to
35:45rehab twice sober living twice so like
35:48yeah I feel like a girl I'm a repeat
35:50customer myself the only person that can
35:53get addicted to going to rehab well I
35:57mean it to be fair it is like a you know
35:59the one place that you get to go that
36:01you only focus on yourself and you don't
36:03have all these external yeah outside
36:05influences people like trying to get
36:06your attention and like working all that
36:08stuff and and then you know once you're
36:10I mean once you take away the alcohol
36:13and the drugs and you're left with just
36:14yourself then you're like wow this is
36:15where the work really begins well it was
36:17an all-woman's you know facility is so
36:20I'd never if kind of felt like a family
36:22to me it was like something I had never
36:24experienced yeah absolutely I mean
36:27that's like the power of you know these
36:30sobriety support groups is is that it's
36:33it's addiction just makes you isolate it
36:37makes you feel so incredibly alone and
36:38and I don't know about you but I know
36:40like when I was you know like in my
36:43heaviest drinking periods I really felt
36:46like there was nobody else out there
36:47that drank the way I did yeah that
36:49nobody else was like you know it was
36:51this shame and self-loathing and the
36:53self-hatred was just overwhelming and so
36:56going to rehab when I learned about what
36:59alcoholism was and I learned about the
37:02way that our brains work it was like
37:03such kind of a relief I was like this is
37:06what's wrong with me cuz for the longest
37:07time I couldn't figure out was wrong
37:08with me right because it's like on the
37:10surface I had everything yeah
37:12like great career and all this stuff but
37:14I kept just throwing it away and like
37:17and I just couldn't comprehend I wanted
37:19to stop right and I always thought it
37:21was a willpower thing it was like well I
37:23really wanted it more than anything but
37:25I couldn't do it it was just baffling
37:27and it's just something that's like
37:28impossible to explain to people who
37:30haven't been through it yeah
37:32it's for me it was like every other drug
37:35I quit like cold turkey never went back
37:38but with the alcohol is just like I just
37:41couldn't yeah I just couldn't kick it
37:44yeah you know oh right here yeah
37:46I unfortunately got into another
37:49relationship but um this individual I
37:51don't want to say his name but um we
37:54were together pretty much the entire
37:55time I was out of the industry and um he
37:59never laid a hand on me but verbally
38:01torn me to [ __ ] pieces and sometimes
38:04that can be worse yeah well I didn't
38:06recognize I didn't see what he was doing
38:08because I was used to getting punched so
38:11you know I didn't see how about he was
38:14putting me down all the time calling me
38:16washed up um then I started putting on
38:18weight from you know all the alcohol and
38:20and then he started calling me fat and
38:23you know is one thing after another
38:24until it's like I couldn't take it
38:27anymore he knows like I keep taking
38:29pills and stuff and drinking because of
38:31the way he treated me and but you know
38:33it's like I kept going back to him and
38:36you know I'd be sober and he'd drink
38:38right in front of me it was like you
38:40didn't give a flying [ __ ] you know yeah
38:41so I had to leave that situation and
38:44lose 70 pounds before I got back in porn
38:48Wow yeah so where so where are you out
38:51now in your life you know I'm I'm in a
38:54pretty happy place right now I was gone
39:00for 10 months I got really depressed
39:05about
39:09i-i've been packed like three months
39:11it's like I did it come back and then I
39:12kind of went m.i.a after winning like my
39:15second Hall of Fame and best comeback
39:17and everything was great and then I got
39:20depression and I don't know you can't
39:22explain depression because unless
39:24somebody's had it
39:25but I literally just didn't want to get
39:27out of bed I was so [ __ ] sad and I
39:30stopped going on social media you know
39:33and I I just I don't know I almost threw
39:36away my entire comeback like I was on
39:39antidepressants antipsychotics and that
39:42made me even worse yeah I was just so
39:44loopy and uhm I've been shooting now
39:48about three months back from being under
39:50you know really had depression my fans
39:53know because they were trying to contact
39:55me the entire time they never stopped
39:57you know sending messages and trying to
40:00call me the ones that had my number and
40:02I just wouldn't even look at my phone
40:04anymore because I'm like an enemy to me
40:06nothing is kind of weird you have people
40:08trying to break into that like wall that
40:09you're trying to build up around your
40:10cell I just didn't know what to say yeah
40:12I didn't know what was wrong with me
40:14everyone's like are you okay and I'm
40:15like I don't I don't know I don't yeah I
40:17don't know what's happening to me
40:19yeah I'm just [ __ ] sad ya know did
40:22the depression kind of lift on its own
40:23or did you take like active measures to
40:25to combat it that you feel have worked I
40:29was I moved out of the place I was at
40:33and I just have been forcing myself
40:36every day to get up I've been really you
40:38know going to the gym I'm not hanging
40:41around negative influences um and I just
40:45you know suddenly I just kind of felt
40:47better I don't know how to explain it
40:49but it definitely wasn't the medication
40:51that made me feel better yeah cuz that
40:53made me feel really really worse yeah
40:55it's really it's hard I went through
40:57like a big depression last year like
40:59last year at the beginning of last year
41:01my business like tanked like all this
41:03stuff happened at the same time and I
41:06went through a really bad depression and
41:08I am was actually just saying about it
41:10the other day and I would write stuff on
41:12social media you know I'd be like just
41:15so you guys know like I'm having a
41:17really hard time right now
41:18like I don't I'm not happy I don't know
41:21where my place is in the industry you
41:23know like a lot of like a couple clients
41:26that drop me and I'm like I don't have
41:28like a direction like where am I gonna
41:30go if I don't work important like what
41:31the [ __ ] am I going to do with my life
41:33you know this is oh this has been my
41:35whole life have been in it for 20 years
41:37and I really
41:39like rudderless and and I was super
41:43depressed and I felt really alone and
41:46like my fans were so amazing like this
41:50you know because sometimes they say like
41:52social media can be a really toxic place
41:54and it can be but it could also be like
41:56an amazing support group you know I mean
41:58people were so kind to me and said the
42:00most wonderful things and it made like a
42:02big difference for me and yeah same kind
42:05of thing as you like I refuse to go on
42:06medication
42:08I'd saw a therapist a lot I went to more
42:11meetings I started like I mean I always
42:14have worked out but I really made sure
42:16that I stuck with that I started doing
42:17meditation I actually did Reiki healing
42:20which was something that I always
42:21thought was a little bit like woowoo and
42:23wizardy but I hired this woman I did
42:26Reiki healing with her like once a week
42:28for like a month and and did sound bath
42:31meditations and that all helped a lot
42:33and I think just the accumulation of
42:34just actively trying different things to
42:37like change my mind really helped and
42:39you know I'm not like perfect I
42:41definitely have my days when I wake up
42:43and I'm like I don't want to work today
42:45like I don't want it like adult today I
42:48just kind of wit like I wish everything
42:50was easier and like things still give me
42:52anxiety but it's like yeah it's a daily
42:55reprieve man it's it's a battle yeah I
42:58mean I sometimes I wake up and I and I
43:00get scared cuz I feel that feeling in my
43:02chest and I never want to go back to
43:05that load the lowest I was during that
43:07depression yes because it was so bad
43:09yeah I mean I didn't even want to get
43:11out of bed yeah for days at a time yeah
43:14and um when I feel like that you know
43:17sometimes now I will pick up my phone
43:19and look at my social media and you know
43:22my fans are just so supportive because
43:24it was really embarrassing and hard to
43:27get back on social media after just
43:29m.i.a for like ten months yeah I'm like
43:31just hey that cares my first tweet in
43:34like ten months yeah and it's like I
43:36want to appear professional right you
43:38don't want to like you know you're
43:40supposed to you know supposed to be a
43:42place where your professional persona
43:44comes forward and everything's perfect
43:45and everything's great in them so I love
43:47my job and everything's amazing
43:49I'm like oh I bet everyone thinks I went
43:52off the rails and I'm like was on a drug
43:54bender and I was like no you know I'm I
43:57literally was in bed you know it was
44:01embarrassing but at the same time I I
44:04wanted to clear the air guy wanted you
44:06know my fans to kind of know what what
44:08happened to me why I disappeared on
44:10everyone yeah well I think you know
44:12people I mean everybody goes through
44:14those those dark pints and I think that
44:18people are more open about talking about
44:20mental health issues now and I think
44:22it's I think it's a good thing you know
44:24I think it's it's super relatable I mean
44:27we all go through that and I can 100%
44:30relate to what you've been through yeah
44:32so is there anything that like you're
44:35kind of actively doing now I mean
44:37exercise helps a lot huh
44:39it really does for me I'm I try to do
44:42like you know to two to three hours like
44:45a day okay go your way because I'm like
44:48an hour and I'm like okay I'm done but
44:50like the endorphins like if I honestly
44:52work out now
44:53not even for like trying to stay in
44:56shape but to keep my mind from going
44:59mental
45:00yeah like when I have like my my my
45:02headphones on and I'm listening to my
45:04music like nothing else is going through
45:07my mind you know it's like I feel so
45:09clear and so that's why I really like
45:12get into the working out and I don't
45:14want to lose any more weight it's not
45:16like I'm doing it because I want to lose
45:17weight yeah
45:18I'm like I've lost enough weight yeah
45:21but yeah I just do it as like like us
45:23like a lake therapy for me Orillia right
45:26right what are some of the biggest
45:28differences that you see now in the
45:30industry from when you started milf
45:35didn't exist before
45:37there was no that milk there was no milf
45:40when I left and when I came back it was
45:42like anyone over like 30 is a mouth when
45:45I'm sometimes even over the age of like
45:4726 I mean I've shot girls that were 25
45:51is milfs yeah it's crazy at first i was
45:54like oh i don't you know i don't I'm not
45:56I'm not liking this everything yeah milf
45:58milf milk now it is it's like what I
46:01always laughed like on my
46:03Instagram or my Twitter people can't
46:06just write beautiful they have to write
46:07beautiful milk yeah you know what I'm
46:10like I just want to be like why can't
46:12you just put beautiful well yeah word
46:13milf have to be put after everything but
46:16it's just the way things are you know
46:18yeah I've never had a child but I mean I
46:20raised my sister so I'm I'm my mom my
46:24fiancee model I'd like to [ __ ] instead
46:26of mom yeah yeah I know right yeah it's
46:29become like one of those like searchable
46:31terms that you know you're either a teen
46:33or you're a MILF and it's it is
46:35frustrating to be pigeonholed that way
46:36for sure I'm glad that I did get to
46:39experience the error though where there
46:41was just glam yeah you know you were
46:43just a hot girl a hot girl yeah a hot
46:46guy yeah that doesn't exist anymore yeah
46:49if you could give advice to any new
46:52girls coming into the street considering
46:54like everything that you've been through
46:56what what would you tell them save your
47:01money
47:03you know this this industry they
47:06literally will eat you alive if you
47:08don't know what you're doing and um you
47:11know I I've been in it for 20 years to
47:14and it's crazy when I think about it
47:16because you know not many girls are in
47:18it for what maybe three or four years
47:20now um so yeah just save your money and
47:23make smart decisions you know yeah treat
47:27it like a career not just like a kind of
47:29Gavin go but I mean that's you're a
47:31different person one year it's easy for
47:32me to say this now but when I was 19
47:35years old you know it's like it
47:36big party yeah yeah you're still at
47:39you're still a child yeah do you think
47:42that maybe you know there's been some
47:43talk about raising the minimum age of
47:45girls coming into the industry from 18
47:47to 21 what do you think about that I
47:49mean that's a hard one because that's
47:52like a prime age but I think if you have
47:56to be 21 to drink you should maybe have
47:58to be 21 to do porn because you don't
48:01really know what you're agreeing to you
48:03don't realize it's a lifelong commitment
48:05yeah you're forever gonna be that person
48:07yeah I agree with you but then also to
48:09you can sign up and go to war at 18 yeah
48:13that's where it's tough that does a good
48:15job it's like if you can die for
48:17country at 18 like you should be able to
48:19do porn but I hear you like on that but
48:22then also to like I dunno some you know
48:2519 year old girls were more emotionally
48:27mature than some thirty year old girls
48:29and then also to it is a it is a way for
48:32some people to get themselves out of bad
48:34situations yeah you got me out of a bad
48:38situation had I not met certain people
48:41and made certain decisions in my life I
48:43would have my life would have turned out
48:45totally different but I have learned
48:48through lots of therapy that you can't
48:51say if if because you will that's when
48:55you start picking up that bottle on
48:56chugging because regret well regrets
48:59like such a terrible thing yeah I can't
49:02I've learned not to regret stuff that
49:04I've done cuz you can't change it right
49:06right I have to move forward do you
49:08still go to therapy
49:08mmm-hmm yeah I love my therapist she's
49:11yeah same
49:12it's something that you know it used to
49:14always be kind of like this this
49:16shameful thing to go and seek help but I
49:18honestly think it's good for everybody
49:20even if like you're not depressed you're
49:22going through like a really hard time
49:23it's just really nice to have like a
49:25professional to kind of bounce things
49:27off of then listen to you talk yeah
49:30yeah I think it's definitely a good
49:32thing yeah I'm like not everyone wants
49:35to listen to you talk about your
49:37problems all the time right I know like
49:41aren't you so sick of hearing this [ __ ]
49:43like I just sometimes I just feel like I
49:45would hate to be a therapist because god
49:47were annoying no I'm really I'm happy
49:52though I'm concerned say like today i
49:56was like so it's you know as a stoke to
49:58come on the show and i'm like things are
50:00you know going well again yeah so i'm
50:02really excited
50:03do you think you kind of appreciate that
50:06more now considering like the hard times
50:08that you've been through like because I
50:10feel that I'm like when I'm in a good
50:12mood I'm more grateful for what's going
50:15on in my life than I was before because
50:18I know how bad things can be absolutely
50:20and especially just you know have it
50:23having the depression that I just got
50:25out of you know everything was going
50:28great so it's uh I'm very appreciative
50:31every morning when I wake up and I like
50:33you know take a deep breath go get a cup
50:37of coffee and it's like oh you know
50:38everything's okay like there's no reason
50:41to be sad everything's great you know
50:44you've no reason to complain yeah do you
50:49like do you like the industry now that
50:51like you have more control over your
50:53image in your career and that you're
50:55able to have your only fans and that
50:57kind of stuff or do you kind of wish it
50:59was back the way it was in the day when
51:01you were like a contract girl and you
51:03just were given work but you didn't
51:05really get to make a lot of her some
51:06decisions um you know it's just totally
51:10different where I really see it it's
51:13changed the most is like the conventions
51:15cuz when I was a vivid girl you got paid
51:17to be there
51:18you had your makeup paid for people
51:20stood in line for hours with stuff they
51:22owned of yours for you to sign and now
51:25you go and you're just trying to sell
51:27anything too you know and you're selling
51:30so I couldn't believe the first time I
51:32said to sell a selfie with somebody
51:34because it's like you know I'm like I
51:37won't charge $20 for selfie ever but if
51:40I don't charge anything they'll just all
51:42day want to take pictures with you yeah
51:44so in Veda this is an expensive place to
51:47be yeah exactly the hotel rooms are very
51:50yeah so I definitely say the conventions
51:55are absolutely different and and just
51:58the way the fans can in can't interact
52:00with you as much anymore at the
52:02conventions and they really don't want
52:03you I guess because they can get to you
52:05on anyway on social media yeah that's
52:07true
52:08they won't wait in line for hours
52:09anymore to meet you I never thought
52:12about that but that's true mm-hmm Briana
52:14thank you so much for coming on and
52:16thank you for opening up the way you did
52:18I know you talked about some really hard
52:19things but I appreciate it
52:22yeah and I was I was very moved and I
52:25think your fans will be - I love my fans
52:27so much and you know I'm really happy to
52:30be back and shooting a gun and yeah
52:33they're happy to have you back thank you
52:36can you tell everybody where they can
52:38find you on social media that you're
52:39only fans all that kind of stuff
52:40absolutely and
52:42only fans Brianna banks it's pretty
52:45simple I'm on sex panther Brianna banks
52:48fan central Brianna banks Brianna
52:52Bienstock xxx and you can find me on OC
52:57modeling's website narrows it down
53:01alright going on my Twitter Brianna
53:03Bates xxx
53:05one well I got hacked and then my
53:09Instagram
53:10Brianna Bank six I was gonna say yeah
53:12yeah I'm Instagram - yes but afore I got
53:14hacked so on I've kind of started over
53:16but I'd say I was seriously as but you
53:20know it's not it's a Instagram doesn't
53:23make you money it's I feel like a
53:24popularity contest at times but yeah
53:27it's still fun I like doing Instagram
53:29yeah well thank you again and you guys
53:34can follow me at Holly Randall on
53:35Twitter and on Instagram and if you want
53:38to support this podcast you can go to
53:40patreon.com/scishow and allah and
53:42filtered we will see you guys next week
53:45[Music]